Twilight Is A Horny Masterpiece - Guilty Pleasures Ep. 1

ramble [Music] hello and welcome to the first ever episode of guilty pleasures the show that loves what it loves each week we talk about some of our favorite movies and tv shows ranging from underappreciated cult classics to trending shows to things that are quote not actually good but that won't stop us from finding what's great about them along the way we'll be inviting guests to share their faves as well and really we hope that this feels like hanging out at a lobby right after you got out of a movie joking with your friends about whatever it is you just saw today for our first episode we're going to be talking about 2008's twilight oh by the way i'm zach kornfeld hey and let me introduce my wonderful co-host for this show we've got an author a comedian a podcast host mental health advocate badass [ __ ] boss lady am i missing anything miss kelsey daryl i didn't realize you were introduced that way right i'm actually i never go a day without being called a badass [ __ ] so oh it's in my contract for this show yeah damn thanks zach yeah i i'm really waiting to hear now how you are gonna introduce rick no pressure but you really you really knock that one out of the park i'm not gonna lie i wrote yours first uh and so i hope i didn't run out of steam yeah how are you feeling today kelsey oh man i really like being here i was just we've recorded a million in six episodes of this already dear listeners whatever your names are gonna be because of the gnp's i don't know i'm trying too hard we're starting off early but i really enjoy hanging out with you guys it just feels it doesn't feel like a podcast it doesn't feel like work it's a nice little break from my brain it feels like friendship and no friendship is complete without a third also joining us we got stand up comedian professional screenwriter you know from solar opposites and star trek lower decks uh star of the upcoming show single drunk female gary got a pilot and we're very excited for him he's going to become a teen heartthrob i'm going to be the new edward cullen oh don't say that yeah yeah yeah i'm gonna play batman later on in life who knows listen you heard it here first well twilight let's let's get into this so why are we starting this show with a movie that is 13 years old because twilight is quite possibly the defining guilty pleasure of the 2000s an absolute phenomenon that was beloved by its largely young female fan base but absolutely derided by critics and so there we have a divide those who love and those who have tasted [Music] for everything that we talk about we're going to try and figure out why do people love it by talking about some of the film's guilts and its many pleasures if you haven't seen it we got you spoilers ahead cause duh before we we talk about the pleasures had you seen the movie what what is your connection to it i think if i remember i saw this movie in theaters and not since my sister i wouldn't say that she was a twyhard she was more like a twilight oh that's that's what it's called oh you knew that one spelled out throws popcorn [Music] trash coming right out that's our first joke of the season zach yeah she's not a heart do people call him twyhearts uh had you guys seen the movie before yes i um i didn't see it in theaters but i saw the year came out i guess the question that is burning in my mind and everyone else is garrick are you team edward or team jacob oh team jacob a hundred percent no but i know the 100 i've been team jacob before the [ __ ] movie came out wow i've been big on werewolves ever since like probably day three of life i was in there okay i'll do you one better i had i read all the books no shoes because i heard this [ __ ] was coming to encroach on my stand um of harry potter back in the day and i was like let me [ __ ] read this [ __ ] and see how [ __ ] trash it is and by page two i was like i'm reading this in the bathtub alone with the door closed yeah candle's lit and i am team edward for life [ __ ] and i will fight you well if you somehow don't know what this movie is uh twilight follows 17 year old bella swan who moves to the pacific northwest where she befriends question mark the mysterious edward colon who is different than the other boys turns out homie's a vampire she lusts after his forbidden fruit and he is definitely not emotionally abusive along the way and decides he must protect her she's super horny to be a vampire but he's afraid he won't be able to resist himself because bella smells so good you guys like every vampire agrees her blood is hot but that means the other bad vampy's in town can't resist either so edward and his vegetarian family are vampires they only eat animals they fight to protect her oh and don't forget about her childhood sort of friend jacob who is kind of barely in the movie and we're supposed to care about as a future love interest even though the movie mostly forgets about him twilight also known as the movie that decided to put the most unknown cities on the map of america we're talking forks they even make like a jacksonville reference or or is it jacksonville and uh what was the other one port of angels phoenix where is that yeah i don't know this was like pre-portland being cool too i feel like portland was actually popped off because of twilight we're gonna break the show up into our guilt and our pleasures starting with our pleasures what are the things we loved about the movie what genuinely delighted us and then once we are through with the praise we are gonna move on to the guilt what are the questions that we have uh what are the things that were maybe not so great about the movie let's dive into some pleasures okay number one bella's dad is so [ __ ] hot i would ride that mustache that's where you start well yeah that's like okay hear me out listen i know rick is gonna roll his eyes at this but the first like 15 minutes are actually a good movie it's a good movie 15 minutes in but only okay so it's i don't think i think that it just follows the traditional beats of yeah any movie around that period of time the movie is really good up until the colons are introduced unfortunately and it's like believable it's like oh all high school kids who kind of actually look like high school kids you know they're of the right age even though anna kendrick's titties are like hello they're there already and then you have the 45 year olds walk in and i'm like it's just like [ __ ] out yeah it's just like oh look at these children men okay all right we're just gonna do that now i guess like how effective yeah so this is the thing in the twilight fandom right that like bella's dad is hot i didn't know i don't he doesn't read a super hot to me but i guess he's got daddy vibes no yeah he's he's got the uh i got a hairy chest situation going on what's my guy's name burt reynolds he's just got a daddy vibe he's a protector you can tell he really loves deeply but he doesn't show it and he like kind of just leaves you alone which i like and like modest two-story house with one bathroom apparently like i think he's he's like a a dream zaddy in in forks if you ask me i can't believe they didn't go into that plot further i've been trying to be a single dad of uh for for years honestly of one child where i'm just struggling i'm just i yes yes i do yeah but it would have been so much easier to get her if he were just if i was a single father exactly and kelsey is proving that point oh it's just like i'm just literally just trying to keep the pieces together blah blah blah and you just you walk into the bar and you see me at the end taking a drink or whatever and you you look over and you're just like is that a do you have a stroller there too is he like like moving a stroke i'm a regular there the bartender lets me lets me bring in my baby girl what's her name don't tabitha no i don't know the baby's name it's a prop it's a first name that came to mind the lady's like oh my god what a cute child what's its name and you're like definitely tabitha do do you want to come home with me they say oh well tabitha that's an interesting name yeah named her after my wife died in childbirth oh no this isn't bridgeton rick that episode comes later i can't i can't i can't live without her anyway you want to come home with me yes absolutely are you out of your mind that that would work 100 of the time and you [ __ ] know it yeah yeah you know but the baby this is coming from real experience the baby has to be so young that i won't i won't make an impact on its life because if the child's like speaking no then it's like you haven't got your [ __ ] together yet right now you're now the problem yeah now it's early where you're wounded you know the child's fresh so it's not as bad where were we yeah yeah i got us the only thing hotter than an unemotional uh single father is of course a vampire uh you got edward cullen and bella okay there's a lot about how they are not good actors in this movie in fact i'd say some people most people would expect us to call that guilt i'm not gonna stand for it i think my homies are dr rob pattinson and kristen stewart are dropping iconic performances in this and we just weren't ready for it i totally agree with you like imagine getting that script no one i'm sorry no [ __ ] meryl streep uh sandra bullock name one good guy actor i don't know tom cruise they're not giving us those performances with the material they were given i think they [ __ ] knocked it out of the park i completely agree with you they both are playing as if they are deeply damaged people and it reads right like something is going on with them yeah and let me tell you the entire love plot between them they made every 17 year old world including myself at the time when i when it came out [ __ ] come for that relationship because all you wanted when you were 17 was the hottest most unavailable [ __ ] mysterious guy to want to suck your [ __ ] blood out that's all you wanted and they made it happen they made it believable and every girl was watching that like that's love that's what i want and i frankly think they they nailed it they couldn't have done a better job harry potter never gave us that the whole movie i mean she is her her lower lip is quivering like crazy i i'm certain i'm convinced that they were both directed to to kind of have an orgasm face that they drop in every now and then where they just go like it's really like they are basically [ __ ] their pants the entire movie but to your point okay kelsey there is a scene where they finally kiss like and like he says don't move right okay you remember this scene he's like don't move and then she goes kiss him he's like no no don't move and my legs started quivering not your legs my leg that got me i was like [ __ ] kiss give me the vampire just go yeah yeah it got me and i can't they nailed it it got me because i'm a full-grown arguably a full-grown man and i was lusting after this movie horror yeah i think that retroactively watching kristen stewart act going back to this movie i'm like oh you're just doing the same this is the thing this is this is who you are yeah that's her but it's just like where if you watch it the first time i can't look back and be like oh man i can't i remember how hot that scene was or whatever because i'm looking at it now and i'm just like oh this is she's just doing adventure adventure land um with a different person she was trained by arguably one of the greatest actresses of our generation [ __ ] jody foster and that's what we got she was in safe room or panic room or whatever she played like jody foster's daughter and jody foster is very much like a mentor in her career how about that i miss jody foster so i think we she didn't die rick what i know she's not dead i just miss her acting i don't know no you know i just going back to the like relationship between the two of them it hit me like halfway through the movie that i realized why that they are perfect for each other and this wasn't very popular at the time but now that we're like in mental health conversations and i can completely like just be a transplant about it breaking stigmas they both had crippling [ __ ] social anxiety like both of them were anytime someone talks to bella she's like i don't know she's only very comfortable with like two people the entire movie same with edward they don't like to be looked at they don't like to be attention it's like well yeah you met your match to your point i i wonder now in hindsight if that is part of why this was so successful because she is like look she is different than the classic female hero in a movie but she's playing something that i don't think i've seen in any other major uh franchise she was not supposed to be the blonde bombshell leading lady mean girl like turned hot she stays very like girl next door sweet the entire time which makes me remember that something i loved about christine stewart's character that i can't even believe i'm saying that was that she wasn't very strong physically you know they they did that on purpose it was supposed to be that she's kind of this clumsy tripping [ __ ] like whatever that comes in towards the end when they need a reason to um blame all of her injuries on something that's not a vampire fight um but she's very strong mentally and she really goes after what she wants especially with edward like if that popular and sparkly of a man liked me in high school i would i could i wouldn't even be able to form sentences and she's like i was gonna go up to him and i was gonna demand why he made that face every time wind blew through my hair and i was like yes confidence she doesn't give a [ __ ] and the way she handled the amount of sexual harassment by all of these men in the movie i completely forgot that she shows up to this high school and it's like she's attacked by all these regular joe ash smo ash [ __ ] all the way up to the point that i forgot and i wrote this down in all capitals in my notes that there's one point where the guys are googling over the new girl that one comes up to her unprompted and kisses her on the cheek without her permission and runs away and then the other kid calls her baby my point being is that bella put up with a lot from a bunch of boys and i didn't realize that when i was 17. it took me to be 30 to be like she was mentally strong i'm curious what were some of your uh fave moments of the movie [ __ ] i liked like the facebook scene yes can we talk about it i was so i didn't remember that was in this one i had seen that scene a million times but [ __ ] that scene is awesome i i liked i okay so superhero stuff always gets me it doesn't matter how like you know how how corny it might seem or how like you can see like the threads on people or whatever and they're just like floating through the sky it doesn't even it looks like they've been yanked rather than flying or something and so forth but if somebody does something supernatural i'm in i'm into it i watch too many too many episodes of charmed smallville um all of those cw old cbw shows just in case people don't know that scene can you explain the baseball scene every thunderstorm because the vampires are so powerful and they don't want to make too much noise um they play baseball because they love playing baseball they love being active you know who doesn't love a good game of baseball yeah so because they're so strong every time they hit the ball it sounds like thunder and so they use the thunder in the thunderstorms to hide and mask their powerful swords and play a game sure as you explain it it sounds horrendous but it works for me man it works i was so all in on that scene i mean they are running and jumping and i mean one guy hits it probably three miles away and edward runs and jumps up and catches the ball it's weird kelsey i'm seeing you like shaking your head and wincing at us my biggest critique of the movie is i wanted more of that i think one of them being superhero vampires is awesome but you guys let me ask you when in the history of our books have vampires had supernatural powers beyond oh they've always been living forever what they live forever that's it i am thrilled you brought that up because this movie this franchise plays so fast and loose with just [ __ ] up vampire mythology okay one of the things we know about vampires one they can't be in the sunlight because their skin will burn no in this movie they are beautiful sparkle creatures covered in glitter super weird but we're going to what else we know we know that they they get stabbed in the heart that's the only way you can kill them not in this one yank their [ __ ] head off their cervical [ __ ] spine uh we know that they sleep in a coffin not in this [ __ ] movie they sleep in a [ __ ] they don't sleep bill gates mansion oh yeah they don't sleep yeah they don't sleep that by the way the moment where he rips his head off is at the end like kelsey's underplaying that it is the most shockingly gruesome moment he literally just takes his head how'd they get away with the pg-13 no idea because it's shown in like um just out of focus behind bella um having an orgasm slash getting poisoned by vampire teeth i don't know which one it is but she's rithering on the ground here's another one vampires famously don't have reflections the climax of this movie takes place in a hall of mirrors that's where they chose to set the climate it feels like they were trying to make that point that it's like this isn't your average vampire story it is just like no no not at all and also like he was like watching her sleep vampires have to be invited inside of the house but they gotta be invited in that's the only way that they can but what about it says they're strong and can run at a pace that is comical that makes them look like they're floating it is clear to me that this franchise is written by someone who actually hates vampire stories it has no interest in them whatsoever it was just like no all i need from this is the sexual tension so yeah uh there you go you know what else was a pleasure of mine that i didn't realize and when i did i i jumped up and paused and rewound and put it back in normal speed because yes i did watch this at two times speed and i highly highly recommend it because watching him spider-monkey that girl up a mountain and two times speed when it's already ridiculous in one time speed made me piddle in my pantsies but this movie has got some tick-tock jams in it yes you guys know what you're talking about yeah so this edwards theme uh him playing piano is is now a tick tock song and me being the dumb [ __ ] that i am i did like the the leo dicaprio pointing at the tv meme where i'm like oh that's the tic-tac song and then i remembered oh no it's the twilight song that's on tick-tock there's two of them in there though there's another one too listen they're so fast and i i love watching people run that's that's it is that is my just [ __ ] like that is a a guilty pleasure of mine where i think one of the greatest scenes one of the greatest scenes in like action movie or action hero um film is in the incredibles when dash learns that he can run on water and like i don't remember if you guys remember right he's running and then he's running from the people and then he's like he's like oh no running the water's coming or whatever and he looks down and sees that he's floating and he's like oh [ __ ] and he just takes off i'm like every i will watch that most times i watch that movie just for that scene and so seeing people run quickly as simple as it sounds i'm into it but did you think him throwing her on his back and calling her a spider monkey okay well that was actually terrible now now we're getting into romance the guilts of it it was okay sorry it's not time yet i'd say one of my my purest joys in watching this movie is the absolute disregard for subtle filmmaking uh and i beat that [Laughter] and i mean that as a genuine compliment like okay so there is this iconic scene where bella walks into the forest to tell edward i know what you are and she's just [ __ ] standing there and he's standing behind her and the dialogue's like i know what you are you're you're you're you are fast and you're strong and you talk like you're from another time which by the way she says he talks like he's from another time he never does not once does he thank you but while they're just literally standing in place the camera is going so [ __ ] in hand insane it's like a [ __ ] music video dutch angles and capital letters and it's not just that like you have basic diner scenes where the camera will just go like for no reason other than [ __ ] yeah every movie should do that they they nailed the uh the color of the movie too because boy did it make me sad i was sad the entire time i grabbed a blanket for no reason i'm not even cold it's [ __ ] 74 in my house but i was cold and sad the entire time i mean that that movie is blue he looks sick the first time you see edward it's supposed to be this like slow motion he's walking in and i'm like oh the boy looks ill someone get him a soda he needs some sugar the boy his blood sugar level must be so long well he's purple do you guys remember how he was like dying or how he died quote unquote it died from the 1918 spanish spanish flu which is the exact thing that we are going or the the predecessor of what we're going through right now so that's why we should get the vaccine get the get the [ __ ] vaccine anyway are you positing that the future twilight reboot will have uh edward cullen's origins my absolute my absolute favorite thing about this movie very subtle is anna kendrick period completely forget we forget she's in this movie not only looking stunning looking full figured you know really rocking her natural bod but she's funny she got one you know there was a great she had i think a tweet where she forgot she was in this movie yeah i did so happy to see her and i was happy to see her yeah that's my favorite part that's my pleasure i i liked that although she was new um she wasn't instantly bullied you know like i i feel like we're like trained to think oh she's gonna get bullied and then this guy's gonna come and save her blah blah but it was just like a typical oh oh you're new cool nice um i'm gonna kiss you on the cheek i mean we did that at my school it was the opposite of being bullied it was like sexually harassed it was like uplifted to a sexual peak that made us uncomfortable yeah the whole time i was like wait is this the movie where there's like some kind of bet where whoever can get the new girl like wins or something like that or am i thinking of a different movie but that's basically it but that's what it felt like um but yeah even with all that stuff in the way that she was integrated into the school i guess was nice it was nicer i guess in other movies that's positive coming from rick you guys will start to hear this season that is actually a [ __ ] five-star review it from a nice school of nice people and you know sometimes it's just nice to be nice i also yeah i also love the pacific northwest i love a good mountain town so yeah i'm into that [ __ ] yeah yeah yeah and i gotta give it up you know for it was a relatively low budget movie i think it was made for 30 million dollars which is not a lot and some of you know it's got some stress points the action is is rough around the edges at times especially the way vampires run but it's got some dope it's got some dope little action scenes so catherine hardwick you did that [ __ ] uh all right you guys ready to rip it apart yes we are this this [ __ ] was at no i'm kidding we've been waiting all right it's time for the guilt what was wrong with this movie me warming my hands up i don't want to say this was wrong this is this is all subjective we're all folks watching stuff and we don't we're not you know we're just trying but to that point can i just say my first guilt is right out the beginning with the title card of the word twilight did you guys notice the g in the word twilight absolutely [ __ ] bat [ __ ] crazy it looks like a g that's out of like a crazy fun house at like like a clown on meth i was like oh my god so here for it they gave me a really cute little cold intro i was like oh my god i'm kind of feeling this movie and then it gave me that and i was like what comic sans [ __ ] editor had the audacity to make the font look that way nothing vampirey about it nothing at all that's true it should have little fangs on the g it should be like at least yeah yeah there was nothing vampirey about this whole film honestly i want to say if you are a vampire fan this is the most frustrating vampire experience you could ever sign yourself up for if if you walk home if you go home and you put on the payless of makeups and you're just like i'm a vega i'm a vampire i'm a [ __ ] vampire i don't want anybody else to tell me anything like i'm coming off of like the castlevania show on on [ __ ] oh on netflix and it's just like it's very much yeah i mean what we do in the shadows too we're just like oh no it's [ __ ] vampires vampires where we like destroy humans like we we kill them and eat them and blah blah blah characters they're vegetarians they're well are the fangs at least there's no fangs and why why is your why is your skin glittery that's stupid you should die especially if this is based off of like an ancient civilization an ancient culture right they tried yeah they i mean they tried to do that link side note i've always wanted to find one of those websites that people seem to find every movie of like every supernatural movie there's just like blah blah and he's like go to your local library you'll find more dusty books for it's just like spellbound and you have to unlock it with like a curse or some [ __ ] like in paranormal activity it's in there too um i'm talking about like thinking finding demons i'm just like it seems like a 4chan website like it's it's made by a fan like it's it's right it's not a real website it's it's like yeah based reddit thread or something yeah the domain name is dot co dot uk or some [ __ ] have you guys ever met someone who identifies as a vampire i [ __ ] wish i have and it's not it's not fun you have yeah i get a bar people used to make fun of me because i'm so pale that they like called me a vampire in high school it didn't [ __ ] me up i'm fine you want to talk about it no i'm fine it's just like when they're dying at an early age because of skin cancer because they went to the tanning booth when we were like 15 years old after a soccer practice and they would like sit and bake in a tanning booth and like i'm gonna live to be 120 because i have nicole kidman skin is like on them nummy you know i'm saying i don't i'm not holding on to any [ __ ] florida god damn tanning beds at 15. oh yeah sooner than 15. can i can i say a guilt yeah and i drop it this is a very very big one and i believe that this movie would actually be good if we changed this one thing and it is the amount of electric guitar music that place unnecessarily in every [ __ ] dramatic moment all of a sudden this like rock and i'm like yeah it like hurts my ears like who the [ __ ] made this soundtrack it's awful and it doesn't match the movie i don't know i kind of [ __ ] dug the sound though they have super massive black hole playing during the baseball scene and i don't really remember anything else but i was kind of vibing i was bouncing yeah i don't know i know i was like any a as soon as i heard paramore in there i was like oh yeah this is my [ __ ] that'll mean oh no no like imagine if it was actually like spoopy music when the vampire stuff was happening like instead of [ __ ] hard rock they played like yeah ghost noises that would make this a lot better but the only thing i think that was worse than the music was the fact that that hot ass rich ass living in a steve jobs glass mansion kid drives a [ __ ] volvo i don't care how hot you are i don't care if you saved my [ __ ] life i am not [ __ ] you in a volvo that made him go from huge dick energy to volvo dick energy i was just like that's what you're rolling up in if it's not an audi get out of my driveway man the man loves swedish craftsmanship like no we've added him volvo's very reliable very reliable car you get a good warranty on it no that's a responsible man that's that's a vampire who cares about he know look he's had he's been living for a hundred [ __ ] years you're telling me that [ __ ] couldn't steal a [ __ ] tesla or an audi or land rover or anything budgeting for your life as a vampire is harder because you can't plan for retirement you're never going to retire you are never going to die so you have to be a little more frugal that i mean that leads into one of my guilts um that i wish it talked and this might have happened in the book i'm not sure i'm sure the book was a lot more eloquent and all that stuff but i wish it was talking about yeah i gotta know you guys sure so many pages um but i wish i could talk more about how he was an old man being seventeen like in uh so creepy when you put it that way i know yeah yeah yeah it is very creepy but he's also you know like um he of course he's used to this time and all that stuff so he's like using the normal slaying or whatever but he is and he's [ __ ] a hundred you know like and still attracted to a 17 year old classic man or is it because he got stuck in the 17 year old brain and hormones because he died when he was 17. i agree with you though garrett because like the idea of being stuck at 17 is fascinating and imagine being yeah like 17 forever and i'm not talking hot hollywood 17. i'm talking real 17 one of the worst years of your life yeah it is and if you're a 17 year old listener let me just tell you you might think you got it figured out you don't and if you don't think it's so much better you're going to get hotter you're going to get healthier you're going to have better friendships you're not going to hate your [ __ ] parents you might emancipate yourself like literally everything will get better everything and that guy that you see that 17 that looks older and he's getting all the girls or whatever he's going to look 85 it at 30. so don't even true about it don't don't look at him he's got a full beard at 17. that doesn't mean that you are prepubescent or anything like that he's just old as [ __ ] and that's weird that's weird he's the weird one you're not the weird one he's weird you hear me edward he is weird you're not he's really cool i cannot believe you haven't brought this up yet i look i i mean i said that i think that they're good actors they're not uh they're terrible even even though i somehow the sexual moment worked on me they have no chemistry in this movie oh which is crazy because they dated are you gonna tell me kelsey you're gonna look me in the eyes and you're gonna tell me that you believe we are channeling into my segment which you will get used to dear listeners of outing celebrities that's my music i guess um let's least we not forget that christian stewart and robert patton said yes they did date yes they fell in love during this time during this movie but how could you not when you're literally like contractually obliged to stare into each other's eyes for that many [ __ ] takes anyone would fall in love with each other i'm falling in love with you two just doing this podcast which one of us who are you looking at the most i got one eye for each of you so i'm equally i'm looking at myself the entire time i'm never looking at either of you that's fair she's gay she's gay and she was probably just doing this because some agent said you guys really shouldn't [ __ ] like up and not that i know but i have heard that mr edward calling himself does like to uh flew it around town a little bit oh okay all right those european guys are way more fluid i can't believe he calls her his personal brand of heroin you're telling me that that wasn't immediately like oh my god they're in love that that the woody said that i was like i guess he has been around for over a hundred years you've probably tried heroin he's probably tried it yeah or if it works on them but like the entire rehab why is heroin the drug oh why is that the drug the most stringy of drugs this is pg-13 but i i thought they were i thought they had faked it very well so you you say that they're like oh face slash looking like they [ __ ] themselves you think that that was like okay i'm believe i'm buying it i think that they were [ __ ] off screen obviously they're like in their trailers and they're having sex and they're like listen this this is ridiculous this movie is [ __ ] insane like the the script is insane like let's just go out there and give it everything we have like we should take this as serious as possible because you and i know this is [ __ ] stupid you're gay you don't even [ __ ] like me i don't even know why you're in here but you know what let's go out there and give it our all and i think that they did i think it worked yeah and that is the plot of bridgerton so you guys skip that afternoon you know i was thinking more about the baseball scene and i think why i think why it hits so hard for us is because this movie is so frustratingly devoid of set pieces for the first 90 minutes it's just talking scene talking scene talking scene it's them in a [ __ ] classroom and then it's them walking down a hallway and then like this dramatic scene that i joked about late earlier is just them standing there do something do anything going back to the chemistry thing and i i i don't know what like whose fault this was where it was just like i looking at them and looking at like 50 shades of grey where nothing is really sad really but they're just like kind of looking at each other or whatever the way in in 50 shades of grey where they're just kind of like staring at each other and it's just like oh i'm sure that this person wants to sleep with the other one blah blah that felt more real and it might be because there's no more vampires or whatever but the the fake chemistry that they kind of built where he's just like oh no i don't i don't want you but i want you a lot but i don't i don't want you it felt way too push and pull if it wasn't like a a real like tug of war it felt contrived well that's why girls get into [ __ ] toxic relationships at such a young age that's what we're shown in the media is like the guy who literally is gonna vomit when he smells you he's the only one that's in love with you and he's a vampire and he's rich so okay so this is my biggest guilt this is a question that i have for the room and i'm just going to state a statement i think he's emotionally abusive i think that he's [ __ ] up and he is a terrible horrible like romantic role model for this very impressionable young female audience oh go on i'd like to hear what patterns you recognized oh okay okay let's see if i can uh uh watching you sleep that if that isn't number one vampire he doesn't sleep he says he's creepy uh uh you should stay away from me uh i feel but then he also says i feel very protective of you then he says we shouldn't be friends but he spends literally all of his time hanging around her uh what else does he do um he makes her feel special like she's the only brain he can't read so it gives him an excuse to hang out with her he literally stalks her he follows her around town to like a town like an hour outside of the yeah so we agree he's emotional no no he's in love with her no it's hot i think the tryhards might come for me if i get this wrong but i think they explain this later in the movies that the reason why is oh i'm gonna [ __ ] this up okay and spoilers i'm [ __ ] you if you haven't watched the rest of it it's your own fault like the reason why jacob was actually in love with her was not because he was actually in love with her it was her baby that was like in her eggs stacks i know about this well i have no problem oh shaker oh you have no problem with that jacob was in love with her egg sacks like yeah they're like she gets pregnant with edward eventually and has a baby named renesmei which i don't want to talk about um and we'll get to the baby eventually no we will not and i will [ __ ] make sure of it uh jacob imprints on her she's yawning jacob imprints on her baby renesmee and imprints means you're bonded for [ __ ] life that you literally cannot physically or emotionally stay away that is your person i've imprinted on you and he imprints on her baby her literal baby we did we did a try guys video about this jacob thinks he's in love with bella but he's actually in love with her future unborn child yes and i think they i think they try to do that with edward to i think in the book where it's like he's emotionally abusive because he can't fight fate he's like trying to fight what he already knows is coming and he's actually like doing her a favor which is also why he delays the inevitable of her becoming a vampire because it's [ __ ] gonna happen anyways it's like we didn't even need this first movie it's like just let her become a [ __ ] vampire from james or whatever the [ __ ] that blonde [ __ ] burning man hippie s zombie looking [ __ ] is it's because he's so destined to be with her that yeah this does sound a little bit like lacey peterson now that i'm saying i'm glad you hear it i'm glad you [ __ ] guys cause you want to be wanted that bad when you're 17. you want to be stocked you want to be made like you can't live without this person honestly when i was when i was watching it i was like which one is the the fanfic is it twilight that's a fan favorite or fifty shades of grey that's a fanfic because they both it's fanfic it's all just fanfic like this is it it feels like this was from some you know horse girls diary you know i have no other way i have no other one never be sponsored by horse girls some girl with a [ __ ] braid down down her back just being like and then he said no but he wanted to say yeah and it's just like shut the [ __ ] up like hey this is oh yeah did you ever play those flash animation games as a kid where like it's kind of like dream daddy you're like you're new in town and then you have like all these kids at the school are you going to talk to the kid the first kid that comes oh yeah yeah or the weird vampire looking well yeah it was like a dream simulator it felt like playing one of those and i get it yeah i played them i'm into it it's hot i think i have one more guilt and it is frankly one of my biggest especially in hindsight is i don't understand how this movie could possibly posit a team edward versus team jacob phenomenon because this movie does my boy jacob so dirty he looks so ugly oh my god he's wearing his stupidest wiggy wig the whole movie they take care of that real quick trust me but to be fair you want to talk about unrequited love and [ __ ] forcing yourself upon someone go look at that [ __ ] sequel with jacob like she cannot say i don't like you like that i am your friend hard enough i'm telling you she's got strong mind that [ __ ] she's got strong mind she's internally very solid with herself jodie foster did her well you know like it's very much like a strong female lead and and you can feel it through the film she's very much she she did her right she's a strong female lead but she forgot the acting part she forgot to teach her how to act i look the casting director nailed it they were just wrong about the movie like kristen's doing fashion yes yes absolutely they're dope like he's [ __ ] batman now he's awesome [Laughter] i was like yo i will die for kristen stewart like that that's right yeah in it i was i was [ __ ] with her heavy in adventureland oh [ __ ] just because i think that she needs to play the dominant role in relationships i don't think that she really does too well with being like oh i'm i'm so you know i'm so taken over back from from who you are yeah yeah she just needs to be yeah the the powerful bisexual woman that she is it's like [ __ ] take charge in a relationship like [ __ ] that people know that like she's like you're a dork you're a dork and i can [ __ ] you anytime i want but i'm not going to i'm gonna just go chill and [ __ ] that's her power very funny i mean she in most of this movie is this like uh hunched over quivering fragile nerd and then there's like three shots in the movie where her hair falls down her face and she is suddenly so hot for one shot and then it snaps back to her being oh no i i just like scared it would have been it would have been so against the character written in the book though because the literally i think like either the first the last words of the book are and so the lamb fell in love with the lion like she's supposed to be a lamb and he's a lion but i think what we realize is it's quite the other way around isn't it yeah so is that how you would fix this movie movie rick how would you fix that put anna kendrick in it can we can we now it's time for a weekly segment we like to call how garrick would fix this movie it is one thing that garrick would do if he were to have made this movie that would make it all the way better put anna kedrick casana kendrick because as soon as she came on i was like he was [ __ ] like i remember i remember like i'm into that you know [Laughter] put some glasses on yeah her titties were huge in that movie she got hollywood skinny after this movie but before her knockers were out and i am allowed to say that because i am the lady and the bisexual she had some round soft yankos in this one i would say that my my uh online brand is to not notice her breasts however there is one shot where the camera pans out and is just hovering on her boobs for about 10 seconds before it reveals her face and it is hard to not notice i think like the camera guy was the camera guy was like what why wasn't she looking like put her as a lead he's writing fanfic about that when he goes home right right right because i'm imagining anna kendrick as bella she's like wait what you're a vampire that was such a good impression oh god yes absolutely absolutely yo like you'll find about me i have whenever i do an impression it's like spinning a big old wheel and it's either gonna hit or be so far off so stay tuned for that well look i mean we're on this show we're gonna do some guilty pleasures but we'll also do movies as they come out uh and we'll allow ourselves to talk about some great movies not to say that twilight isn't not not to say that it's not a great movie uh here they but yeah i like it if you like it you like it like what you do exactly exactly and i think we we found some reasons why why we love it too now we're gonna move on uh every week i'm gonna bring some fun facts you guys want some fun facts i want some fun facts feed them to me i was just we didn't really talk about this but this was directed by catherine hardwick who is fantastic she directed that movie 13 written by and starring nikki reed nicki reed was in this movie i didn't realize she's one of the vampire ladies for us yeah she's the one who uh broke that glass yeah she sure did she was the one that hated it hardwick was the one who broke the glass in the industry am i right lady filmmakers let's go directors okay this is a fun one so uh of the people who auditioned for bella uh jamie lynn spears threw her hat into the ring and tried to roll a bella very different movie that would have been uh but what i like more than that is that stephanie meyer's first choice to play edward was not robert pattinson but was henry cavill [ __ ] superman himself yes i've i've heard this one i've heard this one listen listen here okay you say did you say canberry henry cavill henry havill as i like to call him he's the only good looking man on the planet like i i remember watching superman i was like look at this dude like look look at him he's a troll person garrick's uh background is just the gif of him reloading his fists and mission impossible right the [ __ ] stuff i was like yes i'm gonna i'm gonna back you up that is the hottest moment in any movie ever what he literally in mission impossible he reloads his fists oh yeah and it literally goes to the beat and you're yeah yeah exactly because he's like he's rolling up his sleeves he's rolling up his sleeves and he's just like dog how big is henry cavill and i'm like googling in the theater he's like six four he's six four oh he could break my [ __ ] back [ __ ] he's a sweetheart because he was he was a chubby guy in high school and he was like man i'ma get shredded up i cannot believe superman is the same guy as guy yeah that is at the end of every episode we are gonna decide was this movie guilty or a pleasure uh what are your final thoughts guys should people watch this film all rise for the judge because this shit's guilty as [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] it up life sentence two counts of attempted homicide my ego and my time absolutely throw it all away yeah just um just watch true blood just watch your blood you're fine like there are other things that you can check out that are actual bam vampires running around not being [ __ ] human crystals i think i got to agree this is like this is the definition of a guilty pleasure but if you want to watch a movie where the two leads are basically having orgasms and or [ __ ] their pants the entire movie that throws away the entire history of vampire uh entertainment that just says [ __ ] it and has someone give a piggyback ride to a high schooler to show her his glistening skin wow and this is the movie for you and i enjoyed it look you should watch this movie if only to watch the greatest baseball scene in cinema history uh kelsey agrees couldn't agree more guys this has been the first episode of guilty pleasures let us know uh what movies and shows you want us to do next in the comments below tell your friends about it uh we're gonna be doing bridgette next week we got a lot of great episodes lined up we're having fun so thanks for being here with us uh subscribe like all that stuff and also give us some love kelsey where can the people find you you find me at kelseydara on all the things and check out justiceforzarelia.com and your book oh yeah buy my book thanks for reminding me it's called don't [ __ ] panic eric hey um bernard on instagram and garrick was taken on twitter uh watch uh solar opposites on march 26th i'm at corn daddy on all places but what would mean the most to me is leave a review tell your friends about this show uh and let us know what you think all right bye

Channel: TryPods

Views: 163,208

Rating: 4.9464498 out of 5

Keywords: tryguys, keith, ned, zach, eugene, habersberger, fulmer, kornfeld, yang, buzzfeedvideo, buzzfeed, ariel, ned & ariel, comedy, education, funny, try, learn, fail, experiment, test, tryceratops, podcast, advice, miles, miles nation, secrets, show, talkshow, behind the scenes, youtubers, ramble, audio, video podcast, clip, segment, silly, becky, maggie, you can sit with us, try wives, girls, female, women

Id: UoeZL9Q5N4E

Length: 54min 15sec (3255 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 15 2021