Rita: Ah, it's the nicest weather the moon has ever had! It's time to conquer Earth! Zordon: Crisis! Rita has escaped! Recruit a whiny Internet celebrity with attitude! NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it- GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Theme Song: ♫ Go, Nostalgia Critic! ♫ NC: STOP IT! What's going on here? Why am I in the 60's version of the Batcave? Oh, God. Zordon: Greetings, I am Zordon, the big, weird head. NC: Uh, I think your Skype connection needs a little work there, buddy. You're coming in all blurry. Lemme fiddle with these knobs. Oz: I am Oz! Emperor Palpatine: There is a great disturbance in the Force. Vigo: I, Vigo, the Scourge of Carpathia- Zordon: STOP IT! I have brought you here because Rita, our oldest and most embarrassing enemy, has returned. She wishes to foil the Power Rangers' 20th anniversary. NC: What? Why? Zordon: Because she's the most pathetic villain we've ever had and resents the show, for she wants to see everything connected to the Power Rangers destroyed. NC: Well, what you need me for? I'm just a critic comedian. A critician. Zordon: That's precisely why we need you. Rita has taken over every screen in the world and is showing one of the Power Rangers' most despised projects. NC: You don't mean?! Zordon: Yes. Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. NC: You want me to review the sequel to the first Power Rangers film? I didn't even like the show growing up. I was too old for it. I thought it was a silly exercise in combining Saved By The Bell with Godzilla stock footage. Zordon: Exactly. The more you can tear this movie apart, the more it will lose its power. NC: I don't know, I feel a little strange ripping into something that's been around for 20 years. Rita: C'mon, Nostalgia Critic! Are you afraid? You should be! Even the fans don't like this movie! And once they're reminded of how stupid it all was, they'll remember how stupid the show was, too! The Rangers will be destroyed, and I will be the greatest villain forever! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Alright, you poorly dubbed vixen, I'm not afraid of any film! Bring it on! This is Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie. So, yeah, to start off, why is it called that anyway? I get the Turbo part, oddly enough. It was the word of the week. But doesn't some of the epicness get bluffed when you refer to it as just A Power Rangers movie? Doesn't that make it sound a little bit more run-of-the-mill? Like the writers were asking, "What kind of big, massive story should we tell?" and the producers were like, "I don't care, just make A Power Rangers movie! Throw in a boring, long-winded Star Wars crawl for all I care!" Oh, boy, this is gonna be a slow movie, isn't it? Look at that, the narrator is waiting for the text to come up so he can read it. Nothing like starting off a movie named Turbo with some slow, monotonous, awkwardly paced text. We see on Planet Moldy Cookie that there's a group of soldiers chasing after- Oh, Jesus. A Warwick Davis Pail Kid. This terrifying concoction is actually a wizard named Lerigot, and an evil pirate named Divatox (yeah, I know, it sounds like a butt injection) is after him because she can use his magic to unleash an evil demon that she wants to use to conquer the universe. But let's face it, you're not listening to a thing I'm saying right now because you're still so focused on how amazingly bad that puppet is. Yeah, he only seems to have one expression throughout the entire film. He's like the Daniel Craig of Muppet Ewoks. But he uses his magic wand to escape to Earth, where we see the Power Ranger girls are spending their time emotionally connecting and developing children's minds at a nearby shelter, and the boys are just kicking shit. Unh, yeah! That's what we do! Unh! Fuck the community, we can hit shit! Unh! Trainer: No, now look, you're trying too hard! NC: It turns out they're training for a tournament, but Power Ranger Rocky, the others feel, is simply trying too hard. Adam: Hey, Rocky, maybe we are trying too hard. Rocky: Or maybe we're not trying hard enough. NC: What? How do you throw yourself out of a ring? That's a little tougher than it sounds, guys. I mean, look at that, he clears right over the rope backwards from a jump spin kick. Is that even doable? Coach Jim: Alright, Critic, let's see your jump kick. NC: YAAAAA-HOO-HOO-HOOEY! Coach Jim: Alright, take 5, Critic. NC: So Rocky is put into a hospital as a boy from the shelter sneaks in to say hello. But when he hears Rocky's friends coming, he hides under the bed because... kids do that? Thus, he sees that they're being called to their Power Ranger duties. Rocky: Justin, did you just hear all that? Justin: You guys are the Power Rangers? NC: They beam to their headquarters where- Oh, Christ. Zordon: Lerigot has taken great pains to hide his exact location. What? NC: You know, Zordon, in the last movie, they at least gave you an upgrade. We could make you out better, you looked more three-dimensional, and your lips actually matched what you were saying. Why have you gone back to being a half-focused Magic Eye picture? Zordon: You don't understand. Our entire budget went into Divatox's cleavage and Johnny Yong Bosch's haircut. It was a sacrifice that needed to be made. NC: Was it really worth it? Zordon: Look at the cleavage, Critic. NC: OK, they are pretty nice. Zordon: Thank you! Kimberly: This is so lame. You know, we'd come back to surprise everybody and help out with the shelter. NC: Surprise everybody? How are you gonna surprise everybody by scuba diving in the middle of nowhere? I mean, granted, nobody would've seen that coming, but I think you would've had to wait a while before you were discovered. If ever. Zordon: Rangers, after all these years, I have finally located Kimberly and Jason. Alpha 5: Aiyiyi! Show them on the screen! Oh my God. NC: By the way, have you noticed anything missing from this Power Rangers movie- HELLO?! THE FUCKING POWER RANGERS!
