Trump and Biden are NOT the Same, Syphilis Skyrockets and We Need Ben & JLo to Work!

thank you for being here welcome you beautiful humans to Jimmy Kim alive I am your guest host not Jimmy Kimmel my name is Katherine Han this is my second night here um they let me back after last night um I've had such an amazing time um I totally get why Jimmy does this for three months out of the year I really do and so far the response to my late night debut has been overwhelmingly positive um I don't have social me media but people have posted stuff like um great job Catherine uh jador Catherine that means I love Catherine by the way you sound drunk by the way I am drunk with power light the that's right yes right yeah that's right okay maybe I'm not drunk maybe I just have Co like everyone else does right now I don't know what's happening with Co again half my friends have covid and the rest have um I'm sorry you guys it's allergies cases are way up here in LA in fact I want you to turn to the person to your right right now and okay and then I want you to turn the person to your left okay congratulations you just gave them both Co the new strain is called flirt which is bananas do you remember how we used to be so scared of Co and now we're giving it little nicknames that sound like the title of a Hillary Duff movie ah meanwhile that big old flirt President Biden hosted world leaders at the NATO Summit in Washington today but only one of them will be the next Golden Bachelor it's crazy that we're all focused fused on Joe Biden's mental Fitness when the guy at the top of the other ticket is a convicted felon who told us to inject bleach sorry they are not the same they're just not the same for example if you go on vacation would you rather leave the kids with your elderly parents or with Jared from Subway right something to think about Biden's under a lot of pressure to drop out but he's hanging in there plenty of Democrats say there they're still gonna be riding with Biden yep Democrats are riding with Biden and Republicans are getting humped by Trump hey um sorry speaking of getting humped um who here went to college oh good okay okay I'm settle down uh because according to a new Gallop poll only 36% of Americans have confidence in a higher education and um I got to admit I kind of get it uh I mean I have a master's degree in drama which basically means I spent um $100,000 a year to learn how to do funny accents so oh I'm not sure if it was worth it g okay oh did you guys hear about what happened to that Boeing 757 yesterday all right doesn't matter because I'm GNA tell you anyway um during a flight from LAX to Denver a wheel from the plane fell off in midair now for those of you who don't know a lot about Boeing 757s let me explain wheels are supposed to stay on but the wheels they're coming off everywhere I can barely watch the news anymore because every story is starting to really stress me out what's even worse is that the anchors are just calmly reading the stories oblivious to the fact that the world is on fire around them I need a broadcast that reports stories with the appropriate level of panic I think it's time for neurotic news good evening I'm kathern Han and here's what's freaking me out syphilis cases in the US are skyrocketing researchers say symptoms like vision and hearing loss are far more common than they've been in the past oh hey you know sex the most fun thing in the world that doesn't cost any money and makes you feel amazing well now it's going to make you deaf and eat your eyeballs out hey at least you won't be able to see the guy with the tribal tattoo who gave you the penis pox in other news Ben asle was recently seen eating dinner without his wedding ring with while Jennifer Lopez vacation Solo in Italy leading many to believe the relationship is over okay excuse me for one second are we in hell did God abandon us I can't explain it but I I really need this relationship to work Jen you are so gorgeous Ben your facial hair is perfect right now you belong together can't you at least pretend for me imagine your marriage is like one of those Duncan commercials it's just a job okay yeah one didn't work out on this planet my basement is flooded my cortisol levers through the group and I can't remember right Hulu password excuse me a historic National Heatwave continues to Pummel America Southern California can expect triple digit temperatures in the weeks to come for more let's go to Catherine Han in the field thanks C thanks C and finally according to the latest poll numbers Donald Trump leads President Joe Biden in four key Battleground States and you know what I'm out yeah you know what I'm GNA get that out of here to my husband and kids grab your coats get some firewood pack a Lunchables because we're going off the grids tonight and we're going to start our society it's GNA be fun yeah it's been really fun everybody so much fun I can't can't even look at you people without crying okay so peace out uh and enjoy the time we have left which I'm guessing is not very much okay uh guo can you be a deer and um finish this B did for me because I'm just I'm having a little bit of a tough time okay thank you so much anyway everything is up we'll be right back with Payton Manny [Applause]

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 89,938

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets

Id: Qn-P7UdqkfY

Length: 9min 28sec (568 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 10 2024