[Captions by Judy V. at Y Translator] Get A Dictionary. You farted in Kroger yesterday. Oh my gosh,
I did this already. You were the tall brunette
with near perfect body that farted in the bread
section last night. I was the tall guy next to you
that looked over and asked, "Was that you?" You quickly replied,
"No it wasn't me!" You almost seemed
insulted I would ask. As the stink grew, you continued
to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I tried to get rid of the stench
by waving 2 loafs of Ciabatta bread. You proceeded to storm off
in an angry manner. You are beautiful and
even if you are a liar, and fart like a Clydesdale,
I'd love to meet up. It's been nearly 2 years It's been a long while and
I don't know why. I still think about
Waffle House and mac & cheese. Waffle House has mac & cheese?
I just left there. When I left there you all --
let me tell you something. So me and my friends, we went out to
Waffle House about 3 days ago and I'm... And I kid you not, people were walking out
and they said that the cook ran off. And I'm like, "Can y'all
at least give me some eggs?" They talking about, "Nah." I'm like, "Even I can cook eggs. If I could cook eggs,
anyone could cook eggs." In a Disgusting 2005
Buick Lacrosse - 100 dollars. Was owned by a 90 year old woman,
so it's still in okay shape mechanically. Smells like she put
perfume in the A/C unit, and then died in the car. The 90 year old, you said the 90 year old person
died in the car? Oh my god, the Buick
smells like a dead body. Free bag of frozen vegetable
in Tucson, Arizona. I am moving into a small apartment
and I need to downsize my frozen foods. There should be about
8 or more items in the bag. 8 or more items --
is the bag open? Let me know if you want
the bag of frozen food items and I will leave them
outside my apartment door. What? Look at these frozen vegetables,
I have lots of them I'm taking all orders you all. If you all want to get some
of these, let me know. Kick a guy in the nuts
in Phoenix, Arizona. Arizona is hot tonight! Looking for an adventurous girl
who wants to kick me in the balls. Yes, you read that right. Nothing else required
except for you to kick. I'll be paying $60,
and you get 7 kicks. If I cry or give up
before you are done, then you get a $250 bonus! If interested please include
a little bio of your kicking skills and
a recent picture. A recent picture of
me or my legs? This one is saying Free Mullet Cream. I'm giving away free samples
of my hair styling gel created especially for mullets. If I'm gonna look like
that, I don't want it. I am a middle aged man
seeking your unwanted Tide pods. Don't worry about what
I am doing with them. And someone over here
is selling used toilets - 3 Kohler used toilets
in Houston, Texas There are 4 pics just in case
y'all want it. Free unopened IV fluid bags to give to cats. Why would cats -
Why do cats need a fluid bag? More pics of the S13. Not even a hello,
is the car available? Just straight to
demands, huh? Hello. How are you?
How has your day been? What did you it today?
How is the family? Can I have pics of
the car please? Free oddly straight banana. Now that might be worth something. You heard that? Are you still selling the Xbox? Sorry, no. Son's crying, thanks. You're not going to put me
to a guilt trip because your son cryin'. Now this one is a little desperate
for some Dodger tickets. They will marry you for Dodger Tickets. I offer getting married to you
and getting you citizenship. You don't have to worry
about Trump anymore. Now this is, oh,
now you got to be. This is a deer. I don't know
what WDM means, but this ain't a deer. Old Cement mixer,
still works fine. Smokes a little, must change
diaper and feed daily. So, what, the lady ,
who's the cement mixer? Driving a boat into Irma. I am trying to get a boat
and drive out into the storm. If I survive, God
wants me here on earth. If I die, it will be his will. Please let me know if you want
to tag along or provide a boat. You, I do not! I am blessed to have
over 400 gallons of gasoline. I don't want money. I just saw the picture.
My, my bad. I am looking to exchange
up to 15 gallons for anal sex. All right. I'm done. Winter is Coming. Heat-included, large
One-bedroom Lower. Winter, winter never left. This is the bed where Rob Kardashian
made child with Blac Chyna for $250,000. Is this real? Did Rob Kardashian
really posted this on Craigslist? This is a cow spa hot
tub for only $100. Due to too many
naked people hanging out, my wife is making me sell my hot tub. The minute the lid comes off,
naked people everywhere. I'm not kidding. Hot
chicks. Housewives. Bros. Naked bodies, oh, drinks are
spilled, fun times are bad. The wife says, "No more!" I have a hot tub,
and you know what, I would-- I could
agree with this. Emergency Help Wanted. I lied when I got my job. I told them I had a kid
so I can early to pick him up from day care, take
him to doctors appointments, and occasionally miss a
day when he's sick. Long story short,
I'm in too deep. I didn't think it through. Looking for a kid to rent for
bring your child day to work day. If you guys plan on flying out
somewhere this summer, two United Airline vouchers
are up for grab. Hi, I have two vouchers
for a pre-flight beating. Unfortunately, I have had
something come up and won't be able to use them.
My loss is your gain. Free wood! Use for campfire wood
or bar stools for midgets. All right now, you guys
are doing to much. Use them however
you want, I don't care. Dwarf wanted for St. Patrick's Day. What is, what are -- What are y'all having
fetishes right now or something? We are looking for a dwarf
who would be interested in wearing a leprechaun costume,
provided by us, to get women. Now, if you guys need
a leprechaun to get women, you've got... $20 bunnies for sale,
and right down the road, they got rabbit meat for sale. Oh my god. This is a saddle for sale? That ain't no damn saddle. Very comfortable. White.
Fits any horse. Easy to clean. Ride in style.
Cinch not included. This one is looking
for a smart person. We need a smart or more
person to help un with our company. Yeah, you're going to
need a smart person, you spelling the ad like that. Someone is selling their
grandma's teeth for $200. Teath? How are
you gonna spell teeth? For sale are my
late grandmother's teeth. They are -- You are -- You are selling your late -- Your dead grandma's teeth? I am kind of sentimentally
attached, bull... Couple looking for
another hot girl Well, that's not weird man,
I've seen a couple of ads like that. And did you know? Did you know that someone just sold their
virginity for over a million dollars recently? Let me find out if I can
sell my virginity man. I baked this pie! Holy Shit.
Check out that pie! I baked that.
Can you believe it? Fresh blueberry pie! That bitch
even has a homemade lattice crust. I baked something and it
was good. Kash loved it. You don't know how many times
I was in that kitchen trying to cook something successfully.
And I finally did it! And if you feel like dying,
this is a Trailer 1 of a Kind Casket for only $1500. This one is selling free meat. I feel like I'm going to
have salmonella poisoning. Got a lot of meat unexpectedly
and I need it gone ASAP. Meat me at the East Lake Walmart
parking lot. Meat me! Mattress for rent. If the mattress lookin'
like that, I don't want it. Wiresprings, minor stains.
Minor stains my ass. To the beautiful lady
who saw me pooping. A man for woman, what
is going on over here? The rent over here is $600 to live in this
LA house that "IS LIVABLE FOR NOW." This one has a room for rent:
the cupboard under the stairs. Uhm, all right. I'm sorry but
I don't even know what a cupboard is. And do we see the room
to rent or something? Is that the room? Kash will bite and bark you
if you try to sell him that room. Someone is selling
belly button lint. No, I did that before.
I would not do that! Long tongue females needed for shoot. Long tongue models needed for shoot.
Females with extremely long tongues. All right, we get it! Someone needs a female
with a long tongue. This one is selling a
solid wood table for $120. First off, that price is good. But do I really need you to
sit and lay on my table like that? You didn't have any more pictures. Me, horse costume.
You, chicken mask. We made out in the second stall
in the men's room outside Hall D. Same place, same time next year. I'll be in a llama costume. Oh my god. Couch of GODS!
Only $150. Now, what's this? A couch?
No, my friend. It's THE Couch. All right, you all are
overselling yourselves. This is a Yamaha FG-335 Acoustic Guitar. Come on man. At least
put some pants on when you're taking
pictures of reflective instruments. Oh my gosh.
I just noticed that. This is a soft black Italian
leather couch for $250. Some wear but still looks super
comfy. And great value of $250. That reminds me of the
couch I bought from Craigslist. Everybody was talking about it during
my video that I put on my apartment tour. They were talking about, "Dang, I didn't
know you were living like that." We made out.
It was pretty solid. I don't remember your name
or what you look like. Come to think of it,
don't contact me. I don't even know who you are. Recently, I lost my best friend,
Kitty, to liver poisoning. She was my best friend
and beer pong partner. You know what, just when I was
about to give my heart out. I am not allowed to have a cat again. My mom says that killing a 30 pack
with my cat is not humane. I would love to catsit
for free or for beer. I will not let you near my cat. This one is selling 15,
not 1 but 15 snuggies. Hi guys. I have recently come
into a supply of used snuggies. I work in a retirement home
and got them there so there are some
small stains on few of them. And I think someone died in
one of them, but no big deal. Oh my. Is that the
dead body right there? Give me
thumbs up. If you don't,
thumbs up. Anyway, 'cause you real. Thumb, thumb, thumbs up. 'Cause you, 'cause you real. Thumb, thumb, thumbs up. But with that being
said, thumbs up!
