Top 5 things keeping your limerence ALIVE!

limerance is an addiction to uncertainty and fantasy the most fertile ground for limerance is not knowing if something might happen and having just enough of an inkling that there may be something that your fantasies can just run wild by the way I'm maros I'm a counseling psychology doctoral student living in London and in this channel we talk about liance psychology some pop culture stuff I'm exploring hopefully you'll stick around to explore with me too really the rumination and the maladaptive daydreaming so like Day Dreaming that you engage in to in excess in order to avoid negative emotions in order to distract yourself in order to put yourself in a more positive state but not really to be in reality all those things are exactly what limerance needs in order to thrive and after a while it actually becomes more of a habit so it becomes easier to just return to the daydreaming than to return to reality and to focus on relationships in your own life to focus on someone who might actually be interested in you and give you what you need in a real relationship rather than the liant object who may even not know you exist or not know that you exist enough to ever consider a relationship with you and there are so many levels on the Spectrum or may know that you're interested and just not be interested at all but sometimes not having that definitive no can be the thing that keeps limerance going now that doesn't necessarily mean that if you did get an explicit know that limerance won't still happen it can still happen but I do notice a lot of people a lot of clients of mine saying well if I had that no then maybe I could start healing it would be more painful but I could start healing a bit more and I see that quite often and so what that means is we're kind of okay with being in this Middle Ground of pain for a really long period of time by staying within those fantasies by keeping that uh dream state of limerance uh even know you're awake as the place that you return to the place where you explore stories edit your stories uh think about the future what might happen how you're going to respond to situations keeping that alive without knowing a definitive answer without having that definite no this is not happening because it's just easier to do so it's safer to do so the privacy of your own mind is kind of a safety blanket in this sense it's like well I'm I'm no one can actually reject me nothing can actually happen in my fantasies that I'm not to some degree in control of but of course we know that's not true eventually your fantasies run a mark then they have a life of their own um but you actively engaging in that and actively designing those uh fantasies and those stories is going to continue to feed the beast it's going to continue that cycle of I'm enjoying the idea of this person I'm enjoying the idea of the pursuit I'm enjoying the idea of overcoming what's happening or what's in between us regardless of whether the other person knows about it or not it's my fun place actually it do does become a place that's not just safe but it becomes fun and that's the really addictive part there is a lot of pain but there is a lot of pleasure in those fantasies people report things like feeling more creative when they're liant being able to produce more and that doesn't surprise me because intense feelings can be a strong source of creativity and you may be able to produce things at a higher level or with different levels of inspiration when you are liant now does that mean it's worth engaging in it long term so that you can do that I mean it depends if you think the trade-off is worth it of course but from what I have seen in people often it's not maybe it's good to know that you can achieve those levels of creativity when you are liant but to rely on that specific element as a source of creativity I'd say is a little bit risky because of all the negatives that come with limerance including complete and utter you know takeover of your time and thoughts the emotional drain that comes with it the disappointment the Heartbreak the isolation and the inability to talk to anyone about it it's incredibly lonely to go through limerance because not that many people know what it is counselors therapists psychologists are all quite unaware of what limerance is it just doesn't have that level of acknowledgement and research behind it yet and that is changing but for the time being people are still feeling lost and they're turning to online communities to share their stories with them and that's great that you know some resources are being developed there but I think we all need to take responsibility of our own situation and if no one is yet qualified to help us with limerance then you may need to take that into your own hands you may need to educate yourself about yourself about your own experience about what brought you here and take ownership of that and start moving towards something that's going to be more healthy by the way it does not necessarily mean that limerance disappears and only that way will you be better and that's the only conclusion that will mean that you can continue your life in a healthy way continuing your life in a healthy way should be the main priority and if limerance has to be there at the same time that's okay we're working as if it's going to end we're continuing life as if limerance is not the be all and end all um and we're just defining our own story before the limerance defines it for us by the way I do offer support um online for people with liance so if you did want a direct session with me the link will be in the comments but I would suggest that any way that you can reach out and get support see other people's stories just so you get a framework some understanding of how it works it doesn't mean that liance is actually what you're going through and to some degree it doesn't matter if liance is actually what you're going through I think it's more having a scaffold a system of understanding how people go through certain experiences seeing if you can relate to them getting that reassurance that you're not the only one cuz that can often feel like it's the case when you are experiencing limerance and then saying right well other people are going through it and they've tried X and Y and I'm going to try it too though the danger in that is that people think well I'll just do what other people have done uh and then I'll be okay and I'd say there's danger there you may try everything that other people have tried and it might not work and it might be time that is your healer as it is for many of us but that doesn't mean that you stop trying at all I think the the main thing to do is to try not to rely on any certain tool or method as the thing that will fix things if fixing is the word that you might use here but really anything that might get you closer to understanding yourself and closer to healing and cultivating relationships that are going to bring you meaning outside of the limerance that you're experiencing because the people around you whether you're able still to communicate them or not in your state of limerance they're going to be a huge source of just connectedness and just real depth when it comes to relationships because liance is kind of an empty hole of meaning it's something that tries to fill the space with meaning but often you're left with nothing which is one of the most depressing parts of it is that it was all in your head and that just feels like such a waste and you deserve better okay so being able to reach out to people who actually care about you and whom you care about is huge and I know it can be hard and distracting to be with other people when you are in the state of limerance because all you can think about is the liant object but it's really critical that you Main Ain those or reach out to those maybe you've neglected or maybe those who haven't reached out to you maybe they felt like they couldn't reach you or that you weren't present and they felt that and thought well maybe they don't like me in the same way anymore whatever it is for you remember that your story does not begin and end with the limerance although it does feel like that it does feel like maybe it could last forever and this could be the this is kind of the entirety of your life during that period but taking that moment of mindfulness of stepping back out of the liance and saying this is one aspect of what I'm going through but it's not the entirety of me and what is the entirety of me it's the people around me it's everything that brought me to where I am now it's my goals and visions and dreams about my own life and what I want for myself what I want my life to be about in the future and how I got here and how that defines me as a person there is so much more to you than limerance so don't let the liance make you forget that

Channel: Marios Georgiou

Views: 13,534

Keywords:

Id: xGgcoLf2DJY

Length: 8min 23sec (503 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 21 2023