Stop fighting your limerence

stop fighting limerance so this might sound controversial but there is an element to accepting that Lance is happening and even though you know I suggest and there are others online who suggest ways of dealing with limerance and overcoming limerance there shouldn't be a fight between you and the limerance and this is true of any emotion or experience if you are resistant to what's happening and you're fighting it there is this antagonistic nature that you develop with yourself you're basically fighting yourself and what happens when you fight something when you fight someone else or anything it takes energy planning it's draining and there is pain involved there's hurt when you fight by the way I'm Marios I'm a counseling psychology doctoral student living in London and on this channel we talk about limerance psychology some pop culture stuff I'm exploring hopefully you'll stick around to explore with me too so if you're fighting yourself you're essentially beating yourself up and you're less equipped to deal with what you're actually going through it's counterintuitive because you want to improve your life and change things and you want to move past the limit liance but if you're constantly judging yourself for having it and hating every element of the limerance in a way that reflects on you then you are just making yourself weaker in the process of healing I understand that this can be a confusing idea as to accept it like what does that mean how do I accept limerance it's so awful so I agree the thing is about it is you don't need to allow something to take over your life in order to accept it right so in the same way anxiety happens so anxiety is something that can be present all the time or in certain situations and if you judge yourself for being anxious and for going through that then you're not only dealing with the anxiety itself you're also down on yourself for being someone who has anxiety which is so it's like a double whammy right limerance is the same or anything really is the same resistance creates more pain so when it comes to experiencing liance and being with limerance trying to accept the fact that it's happening can happen at the at the same time as wanting to get better you can want to get better and be here with the feeling of lians and not falling into The Narrative of self-judgment not going into the God why can't I just get through this I'm so pathetic for going through this and this is so sad and this is such a waste of time you can accept those feelings happening as well you know the judgments like you don't need to reject those either but don't get caught up so much in the battle and the Judgment if you judge yourself and you judge the experience that you're going through to heavily ironically you're not going to be able to move on even though it feels like you're fixing right it's like I'm identifying the thing that's wrong with me and if I identify the thing that's wrong with me enough and hate it enough and put enough energy and pushing against it that it will disappear that's just not the case it's not the case by itself let's say and if anything I think it holds you back so the more you can open up to the experience that you're going through the more you can allow healing to happen a good way of reframing this is to think about someone else who's going through Larin so you know what it means means to go through liance I assume so let's say you weren't right now let's say you got over it but you have the knowledge of what it's like to go through it if someone you deeply cared about was going through it there and then would you tell them that they're pathetic for going through this would you tell them that this is a complete waste of time stop it this is silly what's wrong with you move on this is taking too long no you wouldn't well I hope you wouldn't you wouldn't say that to someone you love because that's not going to help them some people get have this idea of oh it's a wakeup call I'm not saying wakeup calls never work they can work but having this tone of judgment creates a worse self-image and people who have a bad self-image are not particularly more likely to work towards better for themselves they just feel worse about who they are and what they're going through so you can be honest and call things what they are at the same time as being accepting and supportive of what's happening so let's go back to this idea of the friend who has limerance if your friend has limerance I would hope you'd be able to say I know how difficult this is for you I'm sorry that you're going through it I don't know how long this is going to last for you I know it's isolating and I know this is taking over an incredible amount of your life and I'm sorry about that and I'm here with you but we're just going to be here with that thing we're going to be here for as long as it takes for this thing to pass for you to heal and for you to be more content with what's happening in your life and be more compassionate with yourself if you can be there with that person and be accepting of them as they are that's what they need when people say oh I I felt like you truly listened I know that you were really there for me what you were really there for me to me means they were present they felt like they were present they understood they were empathic and they weren't there to say hey here's the five top tips of getting over limerance there's a time in place for that okay like it helps to have tips and techniques and if I didn't think it wasn't possible to get a limerance what would be the point of talking about it like this so it's okay to get into the techniques and all of that but it's also good to be with yourself in a way that is supportive and and embracing that doesn't mean that you let it take over the entirety of your experience cuz that's not going to help either of course but that's not what acceptance is about so don't fool yourself into thinking if I accept who I am then I'm letting my current state be the forever state for me this is what my whole life will be about that's not what this means it means that even though there is stuff about this current experience that I do not like even though there are things that I hope don't last much longer than they do I need to be accepting that they are there because they are there really and if you're not accepting of what's happening with yourself in truth you're in denial right you're saying I W accept who I am i w accept my life until XYZ until liance is gone until I'm happier somehow but the thing is you can just be present accepting and loving of yourself and your experience right now you don't need to wait until it changes to be all those things how do you do that I would recommend that you see someone who's a qualified therapist in your area in your country and go and see them if you can I know that therapy can be a bit expensive there are cheaper options so do your work and then find out what will be available to you but of course remember that therapists are not all created equally in the sense that they won't all connect with you in the same way they're they're just people they they have different trainings different ways of dealing with things and they're just separate people to you so not all of those connections will work so don't quit the first time you find someone try and reconnect with other things that are important to you in your life art your job you know things that are not just the liance so you can start to build more of a definition of your life and yourself outside of this limerance and also experiment with meditation it doesn't need to be a heavy like 20- minute thing try 2 minutes and try some prompt that's going to keep you focused for long enough something that I find helpful is when emotions are getting really intense is just to say can I sit 30 seconds whatever it is don't set the mark too high um meditation feels like a really heavy kind of undertaking and it can be but keep the threshold as low as necessary for you to get into it so if it has to be 30 seconds do it and just say right well I'm feeling let's say the liant object is not giving me any attention but we're in the same room I would sit there with that feeling and say this feels like a hopelessness this feels like an emptiness in my chest can I sit with that can I be with that feeling or am I trying to run away from that feeling am I trying to distract myself and maybe at first I do want to distract myself I want to run away I want to move out of this room I want to not be able to see them I want to look at something on my computer or do something that will distract me but can I sit here can I see if I can just sit here with it instead actually yeah maybe I can see even that exercise means that you are getting closer to accepting the reality of the feelings that you're having there and then so if you can do that that would be one step getting closer to accepting how you're feeling and accepting liance in general thanks for watching look after yourself

Channel: Marios Georgiou

Views: 10,212

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Id: Ly5PUorhG1U

Length: 7min 56sec (476 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 18 2024