Top 25 Most Offensive Jokes Ever - Joke of the Day

[Music] so Mickey Mouse gets a call from his lawyer the lawyer tells him Mickey I'm sorry but you can't divorce Minnie just because she's crazy Mickey says I didn't say she was crazy I said she was [Laughter] [Music] goofy as the man strides into the hotel with his wife and kids eagerly waiting in the lobby he leans in and asks the clerk hey buddy is the porn channel in the room disabled sir to which the clerk replies in disgust no just regular porn you sick did you hear about the groundbreaking discovery from a recent study at Boston University turns out diarrhea is hereditary yep it runs in your jeans [Laughter] [Music] a dog walks into a bar and confidently asks any plumbing jobs available a Tipsy Patron at the bar looks up and exclaims whoa a talking dog you should join the circus the dog shoots back why the would a circus need a [Laughter] [Music] plumber there are three old ladies sitting on a park bench a man in a trench coat walks by and flashes them two of the old ladies have a stroke the other one couldn't reach that [Music] far a woman places an ad seeking a man in the paper she specifies she wants someone who won't run away won't hit her and can satisfy her sexually a few days later there's a Rob bus knock at her door she opens it to find a man with no arms or legs the man looks up at her and says I'm here in regards to your ad as you can see I have no arms so I'll never hit you I also have no legs so I'll never run away from you either the woman looks at him and says well how do I know you can satisfy me the man replies well you heard me knock in the door didn't [Laughter] you so Jesus is up in heaven with his disciples and they are all saying that there is a big drugs problem down on Earth however the only way they can agree on in order to come to a decision about what to do about this is to go down to earth and try the drugs for themselves so Jesus sends them down and a few days later they begin arriving back in heaven Matthew Ares first and Jesus asks what have you brought with you Matthew answers I have bout weed from Amsterdam Jesus happily welcomes him after that Mark arrives and Jesus asks what he has brought with him Mark says I have brought cocaine from Colombia excellent my son Jesus replies enter there is a big knock at the door and Jesus asks who it is it is Judas he says and Jesus asks and what have you brought with you FBI hands against the wall [Music] a cop pulls over a car with two priests the cop approaches the window and says we're looking for two child molesters the priests look at each other then back at the cop and say we'll do [Laughter] [Music] it a man is at the hospital getting a medical checkup the doctor looks at his patient and tells him you have to stop masturbating the man answers why and the doctor says because I'm trying to examine you you pig a man walks into a bar and notices meat hanging from the ceiling curious he asked the bartender why is all that meat up there the bartender Grins and explains we've got a bet if you can jump and hit any of those meat pieces your drinks are on on the house for the entire night but if you miss you'll have to cover everyone's tab the bartender then asks what do you say want to give it a shot the man Chuckles and replies I don't think so the stakes are too [Laughter] [Music] high I was on a blind date with this girl and I told her that being funny is the second best way to get a girl into bed she she asked what's the best way I replied a big knife she laughed and said you're funny I responded Wise Choice the Buddha walks up to a hot dog stand and says make me one with everything the Buddha pays with a $20 bill and the vendor hands him his hot dog then goes to help the next customer the Buddha says what about my change the vendor replies change must come from within so Buddha pulls a gun on the vendor and the vendor pleads Whoa man what about inner peace Buddha responds this is my inner [Laughter] piece three men are on a hunting trip in the woods after a successful day they bring a buck back to their Camp they then proceed to get drunk and have an allaround good time one of the hunters announces that he has to take a so he shuffles off into the woods for privacy some time goes by and the other two start to wonder why he's taking so long they begin looking for him in the woods and lo and behold he is found sitting with his pants around his ankles on a log his bare ass hanging off the side totally passed out from drinking so much rather than waking their friend they decide to play a joke on him they leave and return with a bucket of the guts from the buck they shot they dump the guts under their friend's bare ass and leave the next morning they wake to their friend walking stiffly out of the woods they Snicker and ask what happened to him and if he had a good he responds well I passed out mid and when I woke up I realized I had all of my guts out but by the grace of God and the help of a big stick I got it all back [Laughter] in my buddy got really mad at me the other day when he caught me snipping his sister's panties I'm not sure what made him angrier the fact that she was still wearing them or that all of their family were there either way it really spoiled the [Music] funeral a young man is walking through a small village one day and decides to stop by a bar and have a beer he walks into a bar and sees a Grizzle old man crying into his beer curious the young man sits down and says hey Old Timer why the long face the old man looks at him and points out the window see that dock out there I built that dock with my own two hands plank by plank nail by nail but do they call me mcgreger the dock Builder no no the old man continued and see that ship out there I've been fishing these waters for my Village for 35 years but do they call me McGregor the fisherman no no and see all the crops in the Farms out there I I planted and have been farming those crops for my Village for nearly 45 years but do they call me McGregor the farmer no no the old man starts to cry again but you screw one [Laughter] [Music] goat an old religious woman goes to a pet store to buy a parrot everything is fine until she brings it home it begins to swear uncontrollably F this F that F you and finally the lady can stand it no more she grabs the bird shoves it in the freezer and slams the door shut squawking shrieking pounding and cursing come out of the freezer for a few moments and then it goes quiet the woman is scared that she has hurt the bird and opens the freezer the parrot walks calmly out and steps gently onto the woman's outstretched hand he looks into the lady's eyes and says ma'am I am truly sorry if my language offended you and it will not occur if I may ask what did the chicken [Laughter] do dad is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bedtime she says God bless Mommy and God bless Daddy and God bless grandma and goodbye Grandpa he asked her why did you say that I don't know I just felt like saying it the next day Grandpa drops dead wow thinks dad that's an odd coincidence a month later at bedtime the daughter says God bless Mommy and Daddy and goodbye Grandma sure enough the next day Grandma breathes her last Earthly breath the dad realizes this is more than a coincidence but he is not sure what to do he doesn't want to disturb his wife by telling her grandma and grandpa were her parents months go by and one night the man is listening to his daughter saying her prayers at bedtime God bless mommy she turns her head and looks straight at him and goodbye Daddy what are you sure honey she nods the man's heart begins racing and he breaks out in a sweat he is so upset he can't sleep at all that night the next day he goes off to work but locks himself in his office he takes the phone off the hook cancels all his meetings and awaits the inevitable he stays at work past 5 because he feels secure there he watches the hours tick by finally it is midnight and drenched in sweat he realizes he has cheated death he drives home with all his nerves frazzled his wife is up and waiting for him where the hell were you today he replies don't shout I've had an absolutely miserable day his wife then says you had a miserable day I'm the one who had a miserable Day first the Milkman drops dead on the [Laughter] [Music] steps guy walks into his house with a duck under his arm looks at his wife and says hey babe just wanted you to know this is the pig I'm the wife interjects you dummy that's not a pig it's a duck I wasn't talking to [Laughter] [Music] you so a man with a black eye settles into his seat on a plane and notices his seatmate has a black eye and tells him hey you've got a black eye too so he says yeah got it from a slip of the tongue a little misunderstanding and he answers no way I got mine the same way what happened to you and the man says well I was at the ticket counter buying a flight to Pittsburgh the lady had well some big knockers I accidentally asked for a picket to titsburgh and she socked me in the eye finally the man thinks and says ha that's wild mine's kind of similar I was at breakfast with my wife meant to say pass the orange juice honey but instead it came out as you really ruin my life you crazy a DEA officer stopped at a ranch and told the Rancher I need to inspect your Ranch for illegally grown drugs the Rancher said okay but don't go in that field over there as he pointed out the location the DEA officer verbally exploded saying mister I have the authority of the federal government with me reaching into his rear pants pocket he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the Rancher see this badge this badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish on any land no questions asked do you understand the Rancher nodded politely apologized and went about his chores a short time later the old Rancher heard loud screams looked up and saw the DEA officer running for his life being chased by the Rancher's big bull with every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gourd before he reached safety the officer was clearly terrified the Rancher threw down his tools ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs your badge show him your badge what do you call the Hair between Grandma's titties her [Laughter] vagina a woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband's funeral a man leans into her and asks do you mind if I say a word no go right ahead the woman replies the man stands clears his throat says plethora and sits back down thanks the woman says that means a [Laughter] [Music] lot what's the difference between a fridge and your mom the fridge doesn't fart when I pull my meat out of [Music] it the man sits down at a bar and orders a drink after finishing the bartender asks if he would like another the man pulls out a small photo from his wallet glances at it and says yes this routine repeats and after about five or six drinks the bartender asks again the man looks at the photo once more and says yes intrigued the bartender proposes a deal I'll serve you another drink on the condition that you tell me what that photo's of leaning back the man softens his gaze and says well sir the photo is of my wife I like to keep it with me when I drink so I know when to quit the bartender touched acknowledges that she must be a wonderful woman to influence him to stick to his limits the man grins nope I just know it's time to go home when she starts looking good [Music] what did Batman's mother shout when his dinner was ready nothing Batman's an orphan she didn't make it to [Laughter] breakfast

Channel: Few Savage Pals

Views: 9,226

Keywords: daily dose of dad jokes, daily lol, daily lol jokes, dad jokes, bold humor, offensive jokes, dark jokes, try not to laugh, you laugh you lose, ylyl, lol jokes, clean jokes, dirty jokes, bad jokes, funny video, funny jokes, best jokes, joke of the day, joke compilation, try not to laugh challenge, dad jokes try not to laugh, daily dose of laughter, dadjokes, acid jokes, Best Joke of the Day, JOTD Joke of the Day, Daily Humor, your daily dose of humor, daily Chuckles

Id: HPOJ54y65UE

Length: 15min 21sec (921 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 19 2024