Top 10 Celebrity Roasts

who's your plastic surgeon Tim Burton they asked for it and they got it this guy has an ego when Trump bangs a supermodel he closes his eyes and imagine sees jerking off welcome to watchmojo.com and today we're counting down our picks for the top 10 celebrity roasts you could have come up with other characters your fans have never seen like Larry's a dentist or Larry the librarian or Larry the high school diploma for this list we're focusing mainly on Comedy Central roasts right before the show started Seth rolled two gigantic fatty because that was the only way we could get Jonah Hill onto the stage however the table is open to all of those special events where a particular person otherwise known as a guest of honor is the center or subject of jokes made for the entertainment of a public audience that have taken place over the years what do you laugh without Flav you look like Whoopi Goldberg and Gollum from Lord of the Rings had an abortion number 10 Larry the Cable Guy I am talking of course about Larry the Cable Guy you might be wondering why Comedy Central decided to host a redneck roast but perhaps the bigger question is why Marcia Brady ended up on stage the answer because he wanted someone he used to masturbate to in high school and mr. ed wasn't available the Nebraskan comedians name is actually Daniel Whitney and his blue-collar stage character was torched in 2009 by a full cast of opening acts including his own in the form of someone named Reno Cal yer is Larry the Cable guy's opening act Reno Collier as always Lisa Lampanelli proved that women can make a career in comedy by screaming and continuously referencing their ass while the late greg Giraldo asked the most important question of all number nine David Hasselhoff and I am here to salute the greatest cartoon character of all time David Hasselhoff wait don't you have to be relevant in America to get your own Comedy Central Roast Oh David I feel your pain I know exactly what you're going through except when they roasted me I was relevant aside from his surprising music career David Hasselhoff is most famous for his association with KITT and tips and somehow this was reason enough to organize a group of c-level comedians and Hulk Hogan in a room look at you you look like Dawg the pastrami hunter well actually it was Hoffs drunken meltdown that led to the affair but even so it allowed Gilbert Godfried to remind America that he was alive and well and definitely not in jail for a sketchy offense call him perhaps the biggest name of the event was seth macfarlane who brought justice to millions of 90's adolescent men by revealing that mitch buchanan was indeed a boner-killer david had an important role an important role on Baywatch his job was to kill boners number 8 Chevy Chase tonight is about Chevy has there ever been someone more embarrassed to be at their own roasts and OJ Rose would have drawn more star power not only did none of Chevys old pals from Saturday Night Live show up but he seemed oblivious to the concept of a roast it's a thrill to be here honoring Chevy is it Chevy or Chevy Chevy Lisa Lampanelli took the stage and proceeded to skewer poor Paul Shaffer until his last strand of hair fell off every time I see you on TV it reminds me to clean my dildo in the end it was all-star roaster greg Giraldo who set the room on fire I can only dream of making three good movies and forty ones including Sally Jessy Raphael hair here's show lasted six weeks Sally Jessy Raphael has lasted 16 years that's got to feel good late at night huh oh you know I chopped off for years for symmetry shut up number seven William Shatner I speak of course of the great welcome chef how do you outperform a living legend about Regis acting well just ask Betty White look you know they make 1% milk no because she knows a thing or two about captain kirk's a little Rocket Man let's face it we all know Shatner's nuts but George has actually tasted them okay maybe this roast was a bit on the elderly side speaking of shatner Betty wait to shat in her pants however Comedy Central asked a young homeless man named Jeffrey Ross to reflect on his memories of Farrah Fawcett the truth is my whole life I had that poster of you and I as a kid I would always masturbate to it hoping that I wouldn't go blind and now that I see you in person Indian Andy Dick creeped out everyone as usual well carrie fisher's simultaneously destroyed Patton Oswalt's memories of Princess Leia's gold bikini you were so so good in that gold bikini and then what happened I mean we make yo cut did you have a vicodin eating contest with Chewbacca number six Hugh Hefner man who made Jay King off a national pastime Jimmy Kimmel hosted this classic roast or as the comedian's called it who wants to visit the Playboy Mansion look at this table the man has seven girlfriends and no erections in fact there was so much ass kissing going on the Jimmy Kimmel actually managed to get a girlfriend out of the ordeal but only after Sarah Silverman shattered his confidence and flaunted her deep cleavage for the elderly Hef what are you gonna get serious you know one day you might want one of them changing diapers I mean if it gets too hard to do it yourself by the end of the night ice-t tried to come up with a good reason for his appearance and thoroughly confused every white person in the room including mr. Hefner who was still very much alive apologized for wearing all this black I got the phone call last night they said it was an event for Hefner I thought it had to be a funeral for sure number five Bob Saget an incomparable showbiz [ __ ] I'm talking of course about Bob Saget we know what you Millennials are thinking who the eff is Bob Saget well aside from playing Danny Tanner on full house he's actually performed his raunchy stand-up routine since the 70s and he's truly a Comics comic this is the longest John Stamos has gone without putting his [ __ ] in a desperate actress meaning that any comic looks good after following Bob Saget this 2008 roast was notable for the anti comedy set by Norm Macdonald now the bob is a beautiful face like a flower yeah cauliflower and also for the voracious segment by greg Giraldo who metaphorically and poignant Lee described Saget as the genital wart on the [ __ ] of American culture wait isn't that Andy Dick's claim to fame I'm not gonna lie to you have no challenge get a harmonica put it on your ass and try to come up with a tool number for Justin Bieber good evening ladies and gentlemen my name is Kevin Hart and welcome to The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber speaking of culture vultures the almighty King of douchebaggery was roasted in 2015 it's an honor to be at a roast hosted by Shaq's dick and rappers like Snoop Dogg and Ludacris appeared to remind Biebs of a harsh fact he's white there's no secret that Justin wants to be black can we all agree on that Justin loves the black culture everybody knows that with all due respect to Justin Bieber it takes a lot of guts to endure such a fiasco and the one and only Ron Burgundy showed up to express his support and I'm just here to say one thing you people don't know what the hell you're talking about however it was Jeffrey Ross who asked the most important questions about Bieber's career you have such a huge career behind you and brilliantly labeled the cocky kid as the king joffrey of pop believe it but lately a lot of people have been pointing their fingers at you and those are just lesbians showing the barber how they want their hair cut number three James Franco my name is Seth Rogen welcome to The Comedy Central Roast of James Franco long before James Franco became America's modern-day Renaissance man he starred as the iconic James Dean everybody thinks I'm great except you and if you ask Seth Rogen it was a perfect fit James became famous for playing James Dean which makes sense because they both sucked some dicks and made three good movies this 2013 roast featured an all-star cast of giggling pot heads all of whom served as the laugh track for Andy samberg's vicious takedowns Aziz's parents are from India and he's from South Carolina hey Aziz what's it like to have a unique perspective on what it means to be American you bagged a [ __ ] yes it's always funny to poke fun at James Franco's artistic achievements but it's even more hysterical when the president of Hollywood does it I know it hasn't always been easy for you James you overcame a crippling childhood affliction known as dumb face well everybody loves the stoner brand of comedy that made franco Rogen and Jonah Hill famous Jonah's agent told him to Quentin Tarantino wanted him to be in a spaghetti western Jonah was like you had me at spaghetti a corn road Jeffrey Ross reminded us that stand-up comedy is where it's at you know Franco personally I don't care if you guys or girls all I know is you've committed 12 bucks when I went to see that Wizard of Oz movie number two Charlie Sheen's we're here tonight to honor and hopefully arrest a man who was great in two things 25 years ago the late Charlie Sheen will forever be known as the bad boy of Hollywood mm he's still alive we all know there's a good chance Charlie will be dead soon so I wrote a noble an obituary well everybody thought Charlie Sheen would be dead by the time of his 2011 roast but he managed to survive and was winning in his own unique way Charlie if you don't winning then something's wrong with the [ __ ] scoreboard led by roastmaster Seth MacFarlane's a collection of equally troubled individuals questioned the idea of Charlie Sheen no he's my friend I've known it for about 18 years and I can tell you he's nothing like the character he plays on TMZ along with the idea that he might have a dead hooker or two in the basement MacFarlane the only difference between you and the hooker Charlie locked in the closet is that the hooker eventually came out in all seriousness though is Charlie Sheen really still alive drugs couldn't kill me sex couldn't kill me the press couldn't kill me two and a Half Men couldn't kill me before we unveil our top pick here are a few honorable mentions I can't stand the sight of blood especially young blood [Music] he's dried out ashy and once she see was taller Flav you look like one of my blunts except smaller there's no point in trashing your face because your surgeon already did that for us I was like there were shoemakers the jungle hockey Wes was there and told Johnny he weighed only 992 pounds so shocking when you number one Pamela Anderson we are here tonight of course to honor Pamela Anderson who showed us just how far a woman can go when she believes in herself and gets a pair of volleyball sized breast implants she became an international sex symbol for two simple reasons the success of Baywatch and the sex tape to end all sex tapes oh and also her large set of breasts you're a Canadian but those tits were made in America so was it a big surprise when this roast featured set after set of constant sex jokes of course not and it was extraordinarily spectacular and boy do you know how to give great head but then again with your acting skills I guess you have to especially when a hammered Courtney Love appeared on stage along with the queen of questionable sex comedy Lisa Lampanelli she has dated Scott Baio the singer from poison and the drummer from Motley Crue her life story should be a show on vh1 called I the 80s this 2005 roast was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel and while most resorted to jaw-dropping sex jokes it was greg Giraldo who shook things up and claimed his place as the ultimate celebrity roaster speaking of speaking of anal warts good to see Courtney Love here do you agree with our list I say let the past stay in the past with Jon Lovitz which is your favorite celebrity roast a ghoulish woman I'm talking to you carrot top for more mind-blowing top 10s published every day be sure to subscribe to watchmojo.com I do think one day Jonah will win an Oscar Mayer hot dog eater of the millennium award [Music]

Channel: WatchMojo.com

Views: 12,762,385

Keywords: roast, celebrity, funny, comedy, comedy central, jokes, laughter, david hasselhoff, chevy chase, william shatner, hugh hefner, larry the cable guy, justin bieber, james franco, pamela anderson, charlie sheen, top 10, watchmojo

Id: FVTMZfTom80

Length: 14min 17sec (857 seconds)

Published: Sun Sep 06 2015