- HGTV's "Battle of the Bling" is a new competition reality show is a new competition reality show about interior design, although it feels like it's been recycled many times over since the new millennium. Which also feels like about the time that people stop using the word bling to describe expensive-looking stuff. That's why it feels dated when this show keeps using that word when this show keeps using that word to sell us cheap-looking garbage. It's like shopping for
a screen-printed T-shirt in the girls section of a
2010s Walmart Supercenter. See, that sentence was just forever long, and I didn't have to
use the word bling once. and I didn't have to
use the word bling once. So what's your excuse, Todrick Hall? That's one of the hosts of this show, along with interior designer, Kim Myles. It's hard not to imagine
that Todrick got this job at least in part because
of his over-the-top at least in part because
of his over-the-top YouTube house tours that made headlines, when it was discovered
that he was being sued for a back rent on a mansion that he claimed to own on camera. Based on that and some of his furniture featured within those house tours, the producers were confident that Todrick would be easily impressed by this competition's
needlessly rich homeowners by this competition's
needlessly rich homeowners and their painfully tacky interiors. He loves that. In fact, if there's one
thing we know Todrick likes, other than not spending
money, it's a strong theme. That's why his master bathroom looks like a "Wizard of Oz" escape room. So join me while we watch
the very first episode of "Battle of the Bling." Oh, the way I said that. It's a fluffy show with nothing scenes that seems almost intentionally made to be played in the waiting
room of your doctor's office. Chock-full of arbitrary judging systems, questionable design choices, and a grand prize that seems like more
trouble than it's worth. I think you'll find that
every weird room we see today is one that you'll want
to try to escape from. So time to tickle that bling ring with another tricked out
installment of "Clip Breakdown." (upbeat music) Hello, television viewers! My name is Nick, thank
you so much for joining me once again on my channel for another installment
of "Clip Breakdown." ♪ This is the playlist
where we dive into ♪ ♪ Our favorite TV and other
content here on the web ♪ And we break it down like the blueprints for
a poorly-built house. But hey, it got you on
an episode of television, so job well done. But before we get into all of this, make sure you give this
video a big thumbs up if you want to see me
cover even more HGTV, HGTV PTV shows, home renovation stuff. But most importantly, if
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click that subscribe button right over here. That way you never miss
new videos from me. I upload two new ones every week. So turn on notifications, mama! Also, I’ve got merch and a Patreon Bonus stuff! Maybe I'm off-base thinking
the term bling is outdated, but either way they're
using the word a lot. - Bling. Bling. Bling.
- [Announcer] Bling. - [Announcer] Bling.
- Bling. - [Announcer] The blingiest.
- [Kim] That's bling. - The bling brigade is here, darling. Bling. Bling.
- [Announcer] The bling. - You know what I love? - Bling.
- Bling. This is bling central station, honey. Bling. - Blingy.
- [Announcer 2] Blingy places. - Blingiest.
- Bling. - [Announcer 2] Bling. - [Todrick] Are we the
fairy bling mothers? - I guess, if that's the
best you could come up with, but I would rather call you
Persephone, blinger of death, because you are already killing me. Although even that feels
a little too whimsical for how much you're
terrorizing me with that word. You're Bling Jong-il. You're the Al-Qaeda of costume jewelry. I think clearly HGTV
overestimated Todrick's ability to come up with his own jokes, because fairy bling mother
is not even really a pun. He's just taking the word bling,
lubing it up with his spit, and then jamming it into the names of characters that he auditioned for but Billy Porter got to play instead. I feel like it's been so long since people have really
used the word bling a lot in pop culture,
except for to describe those kids who robbed Paris Hilton. I think it's best that
they start off the season with a little refresher on the definition. - And what do I mean by that? - "Bling. Purposely showy. Ridiculously flashy.
Ridiculously flashy. See also Todrick Hall." See also Todrick Hall."
- Oh, don't worry, Todrick, we've already seen your
misleading tour of the house and staging furniture that you're renting. So there's really no need to remind us that you are the definition
of purposefully showy that you are the definition
of purposefully showy and ridiculously tacky. Oh, he said flashy, but
there were retro VHS tapes glued to the wall of his basement. So there must be some sort of typo in his huge tattered book. Tell me, is that a first
edition Necronomicon? Also, I'm trying to suspend my disbelief while watching Todrick's alter ego, who is a British person that reads, but then they could have at least framed out the holes in his jeans. It's giving "This was the only pair of black pants that I
brought with me to set." Now, Todrick Hall, if you don't know, and haven't seen my other
video on the house tour that I'm referencing, he really
broke out and became famous that I'm referencing, he really
broke out and became famous through his participation
in "American Idol," and then going on to be a
YouTuber and a Broadway performer and songwriter. You know, he's talented. But aside from his really
over-the-top maximalist design, and that kind of went
viral in these videos, I couldn't think of a single other reason why he would be the one hosting this show. And even then, like those
house tours are years old. So I do feel confident
that his renting scandal sort of is what pushed him
into the spotlight enough to get this position. That's not obviously the
story he tells us, though. - I believe in bling on everything. I'm obsessed with scrolling social media for outrageous homes. - And I live and breathe interior design. - Todrick also lives and
breathes interior design. There's an original costume from "Wicked" in his walk-in shower. And the mold spores that it releases literally bling out his lungs
a little more every morning. So take that, Kim Myles. Anyway, it was important for us to establish the credibility of our hosts. So now we know one is an
accomplished interior designer, and the other looks at the
inside of rooms on TikTok. Then they go and explain the structure of this
high-stakes competition. Each of the first five episodes will feature three different houses. Then the blingiest of the three homeowners is chosen to advance to the finale, and one finalist will be chosen to win the blingiest grand
prize you could ever ask for from a show that has no budget because the network has no faith in it. Tell them what they win. - The grand prize,
a feature in HGTV magazine, - The grand prize,
a feature in HGTV magazine, and the title of "Battle
of the Bling" champion. - So some real estate photos
in a grocery store magazine, and a meaningless title. I'd be like, "Fine, but if the winner has to keep
that glitter glue dollhouse, then I'm just gonna burn
the whole place down before the camera crew gets here. We can't even get like a
thousand dollars gift card sponsored by Wayfair? Just have Todrick put it on his Amazon housewarming gift registry right under the bulk
crate of ketchup packets, and we can all pitch in." I hate that they never let
Kim say her name on-camera in this first intro. It feels like it's not
edited in a complete way. Like it feels rushed and informal. But these aren't the
two who will be deciding ultimately who wins. They choose who advances
to become a finalist, but the final winner is chosen by- - To help us make that tough decision, we are bringing in some
of HGTV's biggest stars. - That's right, real A-list
royalty such as Amy Anonymous, Megan from the furniture store, and your brother-in-law, Kenny. I don't mean to discredit
these judges, okay? I'm sure they really are
HDTV's biggest stars, asterisks, who are available
for under $5,000 a day. Otherwise, where are the property
brothers or Martha Stewart or even that divorced couple
from "Love it or List it" who are clearly still (beeping). I would even take that cool,
blonde woman from "Help! I wrecked my home." is just one letter away
from my catchphrase, "Help! I wrecked my hole." Anyway, it seems like each episode has a theme to the three
bling battling houses. In this case, we're looking
for the blingiest party pad. Like was this written in 1999? While that specific slang term might not be as popular anymore, Todrick and this HGTV
show have reminded me that I still kind of
love collecting bling. Thankfully, that's
exactly what I get to do with Raid: Shadow Legends, the sponsor of today's video. It's literally a "Battle of the Bling." this completely free-to-play mobile game focuses on collecting champions. Each have their own special skills and weaknesses and powers. Then you get to bling them out by collecting artifacts,
or winning battles. There are literally
billions of different ways that you can customize your champions. Every champion has its own faction, and they just added a brand new one. They're called the Sylvan Watchers, full of like forest elves. Scary, but not as scary
as the tree spirits, and the rock monsters,
which I'm kind of into. If you're extra competitive, then you can also play against
other players in the arena. It's battling, baby. Get your bling. If you're early on in playing Raid, I would say spend a lot
of time in classic arena. Pretty soon it feels like
you're immersed inside a book or a movie. For example, the new
faction, Sylvan Watchers, they're good friends with the shadowkin and the dwarf factions,
which are neighboring them, because they have a shared
history of personal struggle. and I think that's beautiful. And there are new champions and new updates added
like this every month. The Christmas event is still going on, called the 12 Days of Raid. That gives you a chance
to win real-life prizes. Amazon gift cards worth up to $1,000. Real money. (Nick clapping) They have a new legendary champion based on the MMA pro wrestling
legend, Ronda Rousey. Raid even gives us the code RAIDRONDA, which gets new and existing
users a bunch of cool stuff. And if you haven't
started playing Raid yet, then you can click the
link in my description or scan the QR code on
the screen right now, and you're gonna get a unique
set of bonuses worth $30, a free epic champion, Chonoru, Chonny, 200 K silver, which is like
their money, one XP boost, one energy refill, and
one epic skill tome. Those words might not make sense yet, but it's like, it gives,
you need it, you want it. That's bling. It's available for 30
days for new players only, right when you click
that link or scan the code. Now, smelt some of that silver
into a cute piece of jewelry and then meet me back in
front of the HGTV house tour. Regardless, our first contestant is Jamie, a fashion photographer who
like spent all of her time looking for a pink house. She said she only looked for pink houses. And I'm like, "You can paint a house," but anyway, it's a seventies
theme, and very monochromatic. - [Kim] We got the pink memo. - Gotta come to my parties. - Okay. - You look great. - I love this.
- You are the coolest person I think I've ever met in my entire life. - Wait, are they doing this
scene from "Almost Famous" where that twink journalist meets Kate Hudson for the first time? Sorry, I tried looking
up the character names, but every time I put twink
journalist into Google, it just took me directly to the personal website of Ronan Farrow. To be fair, much like Penny
Lane, our first bling contestant does have a very unique perspective. - I always felt like I was
born at the wrong time. - I get that. I'm also suspicious that
I was born prematurely, but what does that have to do with the color of
everything in your house? She said, "I feel like I should have
been born in the seventies, but I was actually born in 1980." Okay, preemie, why don't you go and show us your flamingo-shaped
pool floaties now, 'cause we got two more weirdo houses to walk through after this. The show is so desperate to try
and add some value to itself that it gives us like
very basic definitions, and very unusable design tips in text overlays on the
screen as people are talking. They're like "Monochromatic, meaning pink pink (beeping) pink. Everything pink sync." Jamie's talking about the wild
parties that she throws here, for example, for example, she adds pink dye to her pool, and someone got her a pink
smoke bomb to wave around. Now, it is a unique home, and she clearly spent a
lot of time updating it. Like a lot of this stuff
is from thrift stores, which really impresses people because it doesn't look
necessarily that inexpensive. This is probably one of the more cohesive
houses we're gonna see today, although I am kind of bothered that it's entirely pink
except for one red room. Don't call it a red room if you don't have the guy from "Fifty Shades of Gray" in there ready to beat me with a cattle prod, and shove a peeled ginger
root up my (beeping). That's the law. That's just HGTV. Put that text overlay
on the screen for a tip, for a homeowner's tip. I guess red and pink are
in the same color family, but I don't like those two
colors together that much. What is this? A Victoria's Secret catwalk? They did that once. - I just put it in the universe that one day I'd find a red
tub, but it was only $400. (banner chinking)
- What? When you can lay on your bed
and look at the bathtub, okay? That's bling. - Oh, great. Did you hear that, immigrants who died in tenement buildings? Your house is bling! Maybe your souls can pass on now, and you no longer have to work at that haunted Manhattan walking tour. As they do with each of the
houses and this episode, so I can guess they follow
suit with all of the episodes, they have this like little dream sequence and soliloquy off-shooting side thing. Like she, her open concept living room is built for exercising and dancing. So they do guess, oh and roller skating, 'cause she's seventies. I feel like this girl really liked the movie "Boogie Nights." And then Todrick and Kim do a
very eighties exercise video. I'm like "You said seventies." (beeping) this house. (beeping) your pink house
right in the pink (beeping). (Nick chuckling) (gasping) Oops. Shouldn't talk like that, Nicholas. There's a little girl dog out
there, and goodness gracious, she's always pissing on herself. Where's that room in my house? Every room is the dog piss room. She also has a bedroom
with a mirrored ceiling and a circular mattress that rotates. And in the red room it's one of those coin-operated
vibrating mattresses. It's like, "We get it honey. You get (beeping) a lot, and
you like it to be jostly." My pelvic bones are
bruised just watching that. They rate each house on the bling-o-meter, which is just a slider based
on wow factor, originality, and execution. They seem almost equally generous when they're rating each of these places, but I kind of agreed
with this one's judgment, like the execution is cool because at least Jamie is customizing these thrift store vintage pieces, and doing installations on her own, like hanging the mirrors herself. Now we meet our next homeowner, Richard, who I think they forgot to put
a lower third on the screen telling us his job. But don't worry, because
while Jamie was a photographer But don't worry, because
while Jamie was a photographer whose house revolved around being pink, Richard makes it clear that
he is also a photographer, except his house revolves
around being a photographer. - I'm a photographer. As a photographer. Photography. It's really designed for photography. Photography, it's one
of my specialist areas. Photography, it's one
of my specialist areas. - I'll let you photograph
one of my special-est areas, Richard. But which part of your eight story house has the best air circulation? 'Cause I'm about to expose
a lot of dead tissue. Richard's like, "Oh perfect, exposure
is a photography term, and I'm a photographer, and that's why my house
looks like a bowling alley." Seriously, Richard's house is a hot mess, and they have to act like it's blingy. Look at this basement. - And then I thought, "What fun it would be
just to be whimsical, and make the place look
like a planetarium?" - People of Britain or maybe Australia, is a planetarium your weird term for what I would call a laser tag arena? The definition of planetarium that I know is a dome where they project stars and planets on the inside. But this is just the room that
had the most stunning view in your entire house, which you ruined with matte
black paint and window markers. Literally there are
floor-to-ceiling windows with a view that people
would pay millions for looking over the hills, and he covered them up with paint 'cause he thought it would be
cool to make it a planetarium. Like again, he said it
was for like photos, like he needs to control
the light for taking photos, but then why the black light? And why call it a planetarium? Like was planetarium the
name of a casino arcade that your parents left you at as a child? Did you mean to say pizza planet? Either way, they go into
another little dance sequence where Kim and Todrick are doing their seventies dancing again. Really timely show, guys. It feels like it came right
out of another decade. Jamie would love it. She's gonna take a
heart-shaped bath with it. Also, I just feel like perhaps this room was more intriguing in real life, but this video is not doing it justice. It's not lit for video. It's too bright in order
to let us see the hosts, It's too bright in order
to let us see the hosts, but it just kind of looks like a nightclub that hasn't opened yet. An all-black room in the
daylight looks really depressing. It's just scuff marks and sad things. And so far I'm like, "Okay,
this is not a blingy house, this is a nice house that
a crazy person paints on because he's an artist." Sorry, not to call him crazy,
but the murals are crazy. - [Richard] I shot very early in her career
Kim Kardashian in here. - Are you saying this is the actual
execution chamber they used when developing the first
Kim Kardashian prototypes? Oh, shooting with a camera. I forgot he's a photographer. Now I'm up to speed. This is just the creepy
Egyptian-themed room that he takes pictures of young girls in. Simple as that. These paintings do not look
very professional to me. But even with fake hieroglyphics, the most historically-inaccurate part is that nobody has nipples. I don't get it, Richard,
you had a lot of confidence when it came to tackling those
one-knuckled clamshell hands, but then you don't know how
to paint on some areolas? I can't tell if that's
their back or the front. Belly, I see a belly button. Listen, you better paint some nipples on those Egyptian characters before my niece gets here
to stay for the weekend. She was born without nipples. She's gonna think you're
making fun of her. Next we go down to it's eight stories. Did I mention? Eight stories this house is. And it was two stories and
a loft when he bought it, but he got special
permission to build it up. I'm like, "Who are you taking pictures of that's paying you this much? And why do the pictures
have such bad wigs in them if it's that high-paying?" I've got questions. But anyway, let's just
relax in this grotto. I do like the resin-treated brick 'cause it has glitter in it. Like that's kind of fun
for the lighting effect. I can't say the rest of it
holds up in quality to me, but I guess I don't
know, Kim is the expert, and she seems fine with this. - [Kim] I'm looking at foam insulation, spray insulation? What a great way to get
texture, to get relief. - A great way for me
to get relief would be if we left this house right now. Although it would also be satisfying to pick all the paint off of
that exposed spray insulation. Kim literally sounds
like she's complimenting the students in her drama
class for their creative and cost-effective set design. And again, stop acting like that's a tip
that I can use in my house. Just like that nightclub room
where the tip on screen said "One black light tube can illuminate space up to 60 by 60 feet." So? What am I gonna use that knowledge for? I'm not selling light bulbs. I cannot believe that this is like a house with custom indoor waterfalls, and he spray insulation just
some torsos to the ceiling like it's the creeper's lair. And Todrick and Kim
just have to keep acting like this is the coolest
house they've ever seen. Todrick is like, "If you told me that I'd
be laying in a grotto with a moon, like looking at torsos, I wouldn't believe you." It's like, "Yeah, because it sounds dumb and not nice to look at." Here's another example of the
show feeling weirdly rushed and under produced, although this might be an
attempt at authenticity. - Okay, y'all, I'm in the wet room. Have you ever seen a shower head this big? And it lights up. - Okay, that was exactly like the videos I send to my friends from the bathroom after hooking up at a rich person's house. At first I assumed they suddenly switched
to cell phone footage because like insurance
wouldn't let a camera crew with electricity into a
full shower room, but then why wouldn't she at least
hold the phone horizontally? This is going on TV, sis. But then I thought maybe that was just actually something that Kim
posted on her Instagram story, and they pulled it in and they pulled it in because it seems like
this 22-minute episode was a real struggle to string together. Or maybe the camera
crew was like on break. Or she was really just peeing
in there and taking her time. Or it was like a promo footage
for like social media posts when the show aired. Because it happens again,
and it feels unplanned going. - Going to a party pad. The party pad. - Ooh, I know. I hear that this party pad might rival some of the
other ones we've seen. - Well yeah, because that's
the point of the whole show. These party pads are all
literally rivals of one another in a competition for big, ugly houses that rich people do drugs in. It's like, why are we even including this? They really are struggling
to pad this out. Kim said, "I hear this next
party pad also has bling." And Todrick was just
like, "I, I, I, I know. And then I hear this show is
called 'Battle of the Bling.'" We already know. Stop it, both of you. And what did you both say
to make the camera guy quit? Did he hear you making fun of his vest? Oh, they come up with cute
names for each of these houses. The first one is called
that seventies house. Then we were just at the
eight story surprise. I don't know what that is
a play on, if anything. And the next one is the glass palace, which was a memoir about alcoholism. Okay. Very LA. This is probably the only of the three
houses we're gonna see that I could see myself maybe living in without wanting to pull my hair out. It's got a lot of glass elements for sure, and a beautiful chandelier in,
like a seven-foot chandelier. and a beautiful chandelier in,
like a seven-foot chandelier. Todrick and Kim act
like they're witnessing the parting of their Red Sea when she turns on a TV from
behind a piece of one-way glass. They're like, "Is it a
mirror or a television?" I mean, it's cool that
she did it, I guess, but I've seen that at
the Mercedes dealership. I wasn't buying a Mercedes. I was arrested for stealing
stuff from the vending machine. This homeowner, Nicole,
who does get a lower third. What is up with Ri... They said, "No, Richard,
no name recognition." She does seem like maybe the coolest out of the three homeowners. I think her accent causes Todrick to get
a little carried away. - I grew up in Brazil. Now I really enjoy having this
big house just for myself. - [Kim] All right. - All right. (shakers shaking)
- Ay ay ay. - He fully thinks he's having drinks at Charro's House right now. We all thought he was just
making an insensitive joke when he kept calling her that at lunch. So they're like, "Look at, she has glass bricks in the shower." "Look at, she has glass in the fireplace." And then the thing on the screen is like "Glass in the fireplace
won't burn like wood." Okay, what? I didn't think glass
would melt in a fireplace. I've been to the outdoor
lounge at a Hilton before. She also continues to
get them a little tipsy. She makes them like
three drinks that we see. Maybe that's why they seem
perplexed in a good way by the bath tub filler
that she shows them. I would be more perplexed
in a ugh sort of way. It makes me feel weird. The water comes from the ceiling. - Stop. (water running) (Kim laughing) - What is even? - What's happening? - I think it's clear what's happening.
- I think it's clear what's happening. God himself is filling
that bathtub of rose petals with his mighty, mighty piss stream. I guess he has heard my nightly prayers. ♪ Our God is an awesome God ♪ ♪ His piss is filling our bathtubs ♪ I know my voice sounds good on that song because when we sang it at church, everyone turned to look at me with a shocked expression on their face. ♪ He's pissing so thick and juicy ♪ ♪ The stream is juicy and thick. ♪ Aw, I love Christmas. Also, just based on this
first episode as a sample, I would guess that we're
gonna see a lot more of Todrick Hall singing. ♪ Wallpaper everywhere. ♪ (Todrick vocalizing) - Yes, acoustics are giving. - Giving the sound mixer a brain bleed? "Yeah, I think we got enough coverage of your head voice now, Todrick. Can we record the sound of your
shutting the (beeping) up?" Again with this bling-o-meter
they use to judge every house, like Kim said that the
execution of Richard's house was very close to the top it could be because he took a million dollar view and painted it over? I'm like, that's bad execution. It looks like a dungeon in there. Like all of these sliders
are so close to each other that it's like you can't
possibly mean that. And they don't give this
woman a lot for wow factor. I'm like, I would say
wow to a pretty house with lots of clean glass elements much more than I would say wow to a house with thrift store mattresses or a like day glow motif of the planet, a fictional planet, from
a guy who takes pictures of hard front wigs for a living. But despite this close race, the judges are able to choose a winner. Drum roll. ♪ It's Jamie in the pink
house pink as my (beeping) ♪ ♪ Pink as my (beeping) hole ♪ ♪ Is an awesome (beeping)
pissing from my ceiling ♪ Can someone please remind us about the high stakes of this competition? - If you win this, you will be the winner of
the "Battle of the Bling," and you will have eternal
bragging rights, okay? I'm talking about those bragging rights with no expiration date, honey. - And I'm talking about that redundancy that repeats the same thing twice, honey. He literally just said, "If you get selected to
win 'Battle of the Bling,' you will be the winner of
the 'Battle of the Bling.' That means bragging
rights that last forever. I'm talking about those bragging rights that last for all time." Okay, not every sentence you say has to be a compound sentence
just because it's television. I feel like I've been
sentenced to a compound having to watch this. The prize of this show
already meant nothing, but it sounds even more like nothing when you go on to explain what nothing is. Whatever, why don't you just hit us with another high note, Todrick, and really put a bolt in the skull of this sick cow of a TV show? - Come sit on my "Game of Thrones" chair. - Yes.
- Right over there. - [Kim] Oh my god.
(Todrick vocalizing) I mean, I... (Todrick vocalizing)
(all laughing) - It's not funny. That's the same exact
sound as our fire alarm. And a panicked housekeeper just jumped into the
swimming pool from upstairs. Actually, it's kind of funny. Do you guys wanna, shall we
go get some footage of that? I don't wanna spoil the
next episode for you about having great views, but the "Game of Thrones"
fan with the beard there can (beeping) me. Spoiler alert. ♪ Our God is pissing and I said
that guy can (beeping) me ♪ (Nick screaming) What even is this right now? What is this TV show, and
what is my response to it? (Nick clapping and blowing a raspberry) Put crazy out, you get crazy in. That's what we always
say in the loony bin. In the Loony Tunes bin where
you watch the Porky pigs. Anyway, Todrick, I'm so grateful that we get to see you on
our screens once again, showing us the craziest (beeping) houses that could ever possibly exist. What do you all think of
"Battle of the Bling?" Do you still use the term bling? And under what circumstances? I need to know. I don't even use the search engine Bing. In fact, I don't use any search engines. I just keep wondering forever. Let me know if there are any
other home improvement shows that deserve a look on "Clip Breakdown," and any other suggestions you might have in the comments below. But also give this video a big thumbs up. It really helps support the channel, and lets me know this
is what you wanna see. But most importantly, if
you're new to my channel, I would love to have you click that subscribe
button right over there. That way you never miss
new videos from me. I upload two new ones every week. Turn on notifications, and you'll always be the first to know ♪ When I'm from a hole in your ceiling ♪ ♪ And the stream is robust ♪ You guys are all the greatest. Thank you for getting impaled on a thorny sword chair with me today. I will see you next time. (Nick kissing)
(screen scratching)
