- 2009's "My Bloody Valentine" 3D was a holiday horror movie remake that also cashed in on that era's that also cashed in on that era's post "Avatar" obsession
with 3D blockbuster movies, which Hollywood tried to somehow
convince audience members we were creating a demand for. I don't need gimmicks
like your weird glasses to understand the illusion of depth. I was in a liberal arts
program freshman year, so everything I do already
has the illusion of depth. Thank you. But what does "My Bloody
Valentine" 3D have for us on the most romantic day of the year for anyone who loves seasonal
grocery store products How about horror themed versions of everything we associate
with Valentine's Day? Scary boxes of chocolate, bloody hearts being effortlessly removed, and of course that iconic
Valentine's Day character, the gas mask wearing pickax murderer the gas mask wearing pickax murderer who represents the generational trauma created by America's coal mining industry and it's devastating carbon emissions. and it's devastating carbon emissions. People were arguing with me
in a message board saying, People were arguing with me
in a message board saying, "That should have been Cupid". And I'm like, really? And I'm like, really? As in Cupid Gooding Jr. The actor who starred in "Snow Dogs"? Okay. Not only do I have better taste than the rest of the internet,
but also more intelligence. So try and keep up with me as I break down this 3D
slasher/who done it mystery as I break down this 3D
slasher/who done it mystery featuring some of the
most unrecognizable actors from the early 2000s. Except for the guy who was
on "Supernatural", of course. Luckily combustion fuels are supernatural so it fits well and that means it's time to grab your hard hat and a
canary you don't care about and hit the mineshaft with
me for another cartoon and hit the mineshaft with
me for another cartoon heart-shaped installment
of "Clip Breakdown". (upbeat music) Hello television viewers. My name is Nick. Thank you so much for joining
me once again on my channel for another installment
of "Clip Breakdown". This is the playlist where we
dive into our favorite movies, TV movies and other such
content here on the web. And we break it into pieces like all of you have a piece of my heart this Valentine's Day so we can look at each individual clip and decide if it's a cute
heart-shaped Valentine from our secret admirer
or the excised human heart from the woman that your
husband had an affair with left on your doorstep. ♪ That's where we're
going this day today ♪ I actually do remember seeing
this movie in theaters. I think I was living in
New York City at the time. It's hard to remember, because the movie itself
is hard to remember and I don't see why it wouldn't be with a plot this indiscernible. Tell me if you even almost
know what's going on when this is in the
first 30 seconds doing. - [Announcer] We're doing
everything in our power to get them out alive. - [Announcer] Tom Hanagen is
responsible for the collapse, but but it was an accident. That's the thing we have to remember. - It's true. That is literally something
you would have to remember along with all of this other information along with all of this other information to make it through this movie
without scratching your head. For some reason these characters and this exposition will be
super crucial to the story, yet they're all introduced via distracting 3D newspaper photos while they have the actors
reciting this entire town's oral history as part of a flashback oral history as part of a flashback to an intercom announcement. What? In my opinion, a movie's setup should be a gradual build, not front loaded with information that theatrical audiences can't even hear, that theatrical audiences can't even hear, because I'm in the seat
next to them noisily trying to open my sour Skittles. Why is that bag made
out of thicker plastic than regular Skittles? Homophobic I would venture to guess. Just kidding. Meanwhile, they're still being bombarded with a pause to read "Wall
Street Journal" article about the inventor of the
steam engine or some (beeping). I literally thought this was
the opening credit sequence. I was like, oh, the
executive producer's name is buried alive. His parents must have
been really into metal. It's very, and we're
back with the craft foods mine collapse radio hour. Look, the cave is falling on us. Ah! Only one person survived and
his middle name is O'Halloran and we are the news reporting
that the one survivor killed the others in
order to conserve oxygen. Witnesses state this would probably make a good scene for the movie, but we ran out of budget
making 3D headlines. but we ran out of budget
making 3D headlines. I'm the sheriff. Hello reporters. It's my duty today to inform you of the number 165AB279. Remember that because
we'll be quizzing you halfway through the movie. I'm already stressed out. Like what year is this supposed to be? Why does everything look like
those souvenir old west photos Why does everything look like
those souvenir old west photos you get at a theme park? They show us the picture of
this man named Harry Warden who as I said killed off
the other five survivors trapped in the mines after the collapse in order to like save
the oxygen for himself. And that's why when they pulled him out he was in a coma but still alive. Also, they quickly showed us
the guy from "Supernatural". His name is Jensen Ackles, but he plays Tom Hanager in this. It's very hard to grasp, but
also he's the son of the owner of Hanager Mines and he
didn't bleed the lines as though I know what that means, which caused the explosion
because of his mistake the night before. So to me it's like, well then I have a lot of antagonists that I'm trying
to figure out right now. We have the guy who's
fault it indirectly was and then the guy who used
his selfish survival skills to make it out of that accident. It seems to me like I don't
like where are we going here? It seems to me like I don't
like where are we going here? Well, we go to the titles
and then we see that, what's his name, Hank Loran? The old, the small town names in this are gonna drive me up a wall tonight. I can already feel it. Harry Warden a year later he opens his eye and gets up and walks
towards another patient and then when a nurse, I'm
like, what year is this? I guess the early thousands,
'cause if it was, anyway, this is a year after the mine collapsed. Harry's been in a coma for a year and obviously he kills
everyone in the hospital with no gun. Countries that outlaw guns
like Ireland or Scotland, they have very few mass murders, because they would have to use a knife, which our killer here
uses a pickax mostly. It's like I would be able to run if I saw you pick axing
four people away from me. Like it's a hospital, and he has superhuman speed in this thing. But anyway, the cops show up and they're very shocked
by this gruesome scene on the best day of the
year, Valentine's Day. He sees like a heart drawn
in blood and he's like, happy Valentine's Day. Sir, there's a dead child at your feet. Who are you talking to right now? - Who did this?
- Harry Warden. - Harry Warden's in a coma. - Oh is he? Thank you Sheriff. That's good to know. I must have gotten the wrong information from that chopped up nurse behind you. Ma'am, just so you know, that patient was actually comatose when he cut you open and
caused this decades long staff shortage for the hospital. I love this little small town. What is it called? I cannot remember. It's like Hanager, Harmony
is the town I think. Like I can't remember this stuff. It's too much already. And they gave so much pre exposition that took place a year
ahead of this via voiceover. I can't get into all that. This is a small town that is very lucky, because it gets to completely circumvent the American legal system. That sheriff walked onto
an active crime scene and said Who did this? And whoever's name you
say is going to jail. So choose carefully. Also, if you say it quickly enough, we can count it as a
fair and speedy trial. The police have no idea where
Hanager, no, Harry went. Harry? I think it was Harry. So many H names. Why, why, why screenwriters? But Harry knows exactly where he is going. Back to the mine that almost killed him. Why? To get revenge on the kids who are having a beer drinking party. That's when we meet our
main character Sarah, a fresh-faced young girl who seems to be going steady
with what's his name, Tom. Even though a year ago he was responsible for negligent
homicide, we don't care. It's 1999 party like our
blushes blush is bright and our eyeshadow is mint. - Okay, say over the pants hand job. Yay. Do you guys want one? - No, we're good, come on. - Axel is right. We don't need our picture taken, because the way I do my makeup looks like I already have
a full-time camera flash going off in my face. Does Tom, guy from "Supernatural", really think it's smart to attend a young people's drinking party
on the one year anniversary of him blowing up the mine
inside the actual mine? You're going back to the scene where you caused the mine to collapse and also this whole small
towns society it would seem. It's called optics LL Bean Boy. Look it up along with the instructions for how to not blow up
the mine you work at. Maybe it's like supposed to show there's like nepotism involved, 'cause the dad owns the mine that fuels this whole town's economy. So the police can't
really go after the son who made this mistake. But it only takes about
30 seconds of walking into the mine shaft before Sarah notices all of the kids are being really quiet and when they're not being quiet, they're being murdered
by, you guessed it Harry, who has put on his mining uniform and come back to take revenge. (Sarah screaming)
(boy laughing) - You think I was Harry
Warden or something? Hey Michael, check this out. (Sarah screaming) - I can't really show it on YouTube but trust me that was an
unnaturally extended shot of Johnny featured extra over there with his eyeball popping out, coming right out at the camera in order to justify the fact
that this is a 3D movie. Although it also perfectly illustrates how most people's heads start to feel after about four minutes
of watching a 3D movie. Of course since the 2010s, this 3D trend has certainly died down and watching it at home, I can only guess which shots
were meant to seem impressive. By showing something that gets
really close to the camera for no reason and maybe
I'm being nostalgic, but I do sort of miss that
immersive sensory experience of having to suffer with
painful plastic glasses sawing off my ears for 90 minutes. So just imagine we're watching this today with that technology with that technology and that's not gonna be
hard because I don't know if you've noticed, but it's very conspicuous when
you're watching a 3D movie, they will find the camera angle that makes a person
taking out their retainer look like you're flying
up to the death star. They'll be like. So whenever something like that happens, just think to yourself, whoa, that probably would've been so cool in 3D. Probably would've been,
probably would've been so cool. What a sentence. Also, thanks to whoever
sent their old retainer to my PO box, I knew
it would come in handy. I'm just kidding, I stole
that from my dead friend. So apparently this pickax guy has been chopping up all of the teenagers who walked into that tunnel
seconds ago with no noise, because the kids are like hiding. She finds Irene, the one who
said over the pants hand job and Axel, her boyfriend,
and they're like, Ooh. Sarah has a hard time keeping
quiet when she's scared. This to me feels a little tone deaf. Like if it took place in 1999, the hiding from a murderer
in this way of teenagers feels very Columbine like, but it does not acknowledge that you kind of need
America's lax gun laws to accomplish such a horrible crime. He's like a stealth ninja with a pickax coming up superhuman speed. I don't know what to tell you. And plenty of unsuspecting kids walk through this scene giving our main heroes
the advantage to escape. - Jason is that you? Come on dude, you're scaring me. Come on. - Wow, I'm starting to
agree with the reviews. The movie version of "Dear Evan Hansen" does make for an uneasy
viewing experience, but we gotta warn him anyway. Look out, that's the guy who woke up from a yearlong coma and instantly knew he
had to get revenge on Tom even though they didn't find out he was responsible for the coma until weeks after he was rescued. Run, Dear Evan Hansen, run! Some other girl comes through and gets her head sliced by a shovel. Really bad effect there. I can't really show that
either because of YouTube, but you know, I'll be lucky if this even gets up when I want it because Lionsgate loves to copyright strike. Lionsgate, if you're
manually reviewing this, it's called fair use my friend. Let's not set a legal precedent
that we don't wanna lose. Tom comes back from the
car where he was like, oh let me just grab the beers, 'cause I don't want to go
back to the site of my trauma. And he comes back and he manages to hold off Harry from murdering Sarah so that Axel, and Irene and her can escape and they kind of leave him behind. Although he does make it, obviously. We have to find all of this
out by flashing forward again another 10 years. So it's been a year ago and then a year later
and now 10 years later, all more confusing
sequences than the next. But we do know that the town is notorious for this killing spree that killed 22 people in '99. - Sheriff, do you ever worry that these horrific events
might repeat themselves? - Why don't you people just stop coming back here every year. - The stupidest holiday a greeting card company ever invented. - Eloquent Sheriff. - Wait, does anyone else get the feeling that this guy is the sheriff? Hopefully they'll have more characters inserting his job title
into every sentence so that we can confirm. I feel like this was shot
right after the opening scene and the director just got the studio notes that it needed to be clear
who each character was in relation to the story, because for the moment it seems like they over corrected a little bit. - What's so funny? - Your boss, County sheriff, Axel Palmer, only your old man could see you now. - And I know you Bobby Brown costume. You're the guy in town who
dresses like a mushroom scientist who likes to spend his weekends sitting near a pond and looking at ducks. He's always in full on
Brooks Brothers, this guy. Axel was the rude boyfriend
and now guess what? He's married to Sarah. But what happened to Tom? Although he's the sheriff, we get the idea that he
is not the most patient or scrupulous police officer based on how he yelled at that reporter. Why would the reporter ask though, if we're worried that every
year on Valentine's Day these events will repeat themselves? It's not a tradition
to repeat mass murders on the same day every year. It's every day of the year. Remember? - When are you gonna dump
this bum and run away with me? - I get off work at eight. - Well I'll be sure to tuck
the top down on my Cadillac. - Sir, please, people
are eating breakfast. Try not to talk about your
foreskin so boastfully. There's a young lady and
supporting character named Megan sitting right there trying
to enjoy her Valentine's Day cup of a bright red clear liquid topped with whipped cream. Ugh, that looks (beeping) nasty. When that girl dies later it's punishment for this. Not using her body to have sex, although the movie takes
a pretty strong stance against that as well. We know Megan's gonna die, because she gives the look to Axel and then they're seen like
having the end of a tryst, an affair, at this rundown cabin that I guess used to be Axel's dad's. I had to watch this
movie thrice to get that. Axel's dad has since died. The owner of, no, I don't
know who his Axel's dad is, he was depressed after the mine murders, 'cause everyone's like
kids died in that thing. Also, Megan works for
Sarah at the grocery store. She's the manager. And then a black horse rolls into town in the form of the guy
from "Supernatural". He's there because his dad just died and he's gotta take care of
his newly inherited mine. But since it was his mistake that blew up the mine in the first place, the whole town is like,
we don't want you here. So the first thing Tom has to do is check into the seedy motel. There's an extended sequence where Irene the let's say
girl with loose morals shown at the beginning with
the flash photo makeup. She's having sex with some guy who pisses her off and she
chases him out of the hotel naked as though that's
something anyone would do. And then he gets killed by
the Valentine's Day mask gas, gas wearing guy and then
there's the owner of the hotel gets killed by being
thrust into a light socket. She had dwarfism. So it's like a really small mannequin, I don't know why that
choice was made I guess. But anyway, we will never forget her, because after Irene is eventually killed, again, hard to show, because she's butt naked the whole time. Enough with the horror movies where you make naked women run around. It's so weird. And also ouch, my breasts
freely jiggling outside. Not good for an actress. Anyway, Tom just checked into this motel and three people were
murdered, so that's not great. - Check the motel registration. There's a couple of fakes. Not too many people use
a real name around here, you know what I mean? - Yeah, I think you mean that
most of the names are fake because not a lot of people like to use their real names around here. The (beeping). That's like 10-4, good buddy, you did a great job stating
those two simple facts. It might just feel like
you're coming off confusing, because of the script written
for this movie that you're in. I like how someone from the
production design team was like, what are subtle details we can add to help reaffirm that the motel owner is that woman who got shattered into a fluorescent light tube and then they just inkjet
printed a reference photo of the actress at her costume fitting and stuck it on the wall. Sorry audience, this is a 3D movie so we don't do subtle details and also you have to
call them three D tails, three D details. Anyway, it's $10 more per ticket. Tom, ex-boyfriend of Sarah, comes by the grocery store where she works for the first time in 10 years. So she's clearly shocked to see him and says sorry that his father died. And she's like, you can't
sell the mine though. And he's like, I don't
wanna talk about that. That would apparently
spell doom for this town, even though I think it's more dangerous to keep it open with all the
kids getting murdered in there. What do I know though? Green energy. We also know that Sarah has continued to be a good person despite being the put upon wife because
she has a tiny child with all the recessive traits that two brunette parents could want. - Why don't you have upstairs
and you brush your teeth and tell me all about it, okay? - Okay, mom.
- Love you. - Who says bye to their their child when they just got home and
he's just going in the next room to brush his teeth for three minutes. That's right, nobody does
Jamie King, I understand that you
went to school for acting, but maybe sometimes you should consider that this has actually made your instincts seem even less natural
than a normal person's. - Hey Rosa, is Axel home yet. - No, Mrs. Palmer. - All right, thanks for everything today. I can take it from here. - Yeah, thanks Rosa. You did a great job representing
several stereotypes. You did a great job representing
several stereotypes. That means you can go
home and get some rest. We'll see you again in the third act when you're unceremoniously slaughtered. - Since we are right on the
brink of Valentine's Day, I decided to show myself an act of love through the comfort and
joy of a home-cooked meal, which is not normally something
I really do for myself unless I can make it easy with the sponsor of
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and entering the code NICKDIRAMIO149, mwah! (smacks lips) Delicious food at a great price, now that's my Valentine lover. Sarah gets in touch with her husband who's working late at the station, because of this motel crime and he breaks the unfortunate news that their old timey friend from the flashback Irene has died. And I guess Sarah
assumed that would happen based on that being the
promiscuous character, 'cause she's sort of
like, ah, she died, okay. And the mystery is just getting started, because the police station lets us know that this killer is out to terrorize the community. - Sheriff, you gotta Valentine. - Officer Beth, you've
already been written up for handling potential
evidence without gloves and also re-gifting items you stole from the evidence locker. Can we chill? that's not gonna be enough to get all the men you work with to stop sexually harassing you. So I don't know, try again
on St. Patrick's Day. Good luck. I've heard horror stories
about women working on police forces. Not a super nurturing environment, not a general rule, but I think this town, it's fair to say, they're
really sketchy up in here. Wood paneling walls. mm, I don't trust it. And this stupid box of chocolate somehow has a human heart in it that looks like an anatomical
model from medical school. But, you know, whatever. Meanwhile, Tom is not making any friends by having returned to town. - The wrong bar. - Get off me. (glass shattering) - Whoa, that probably
would've been so cool in 3D. Did you all remember to think that? Why not? It's literally the only
thing I asked you to do for this video. Aside from the 12 other things I asked you to do at the
beginning of this video. Actually I think I forgot, let me add it. Don't forget to get this
video a big thumbs up. Click that subscribe button over there. I've got merch on Patreon. That's it. Think what I tell you to think. Like, subscribe, comment, merch, Patreon. Like, subscribe, comment, merch, Patreon. That was a terrible
stage punch by the way. No matter what dimension I'm seeing it in. No matter what dimension I'm seeing it in. Why did that guy scream like Miss France. - Salvador. - Finland. - France. - The former sheriff who
was working 10 years ago but has since retired were
supposed to know somehow. I was really, I maybe I
just wasn't paying attention for a lot of this movie,
but it's complicated. He's like, you basically are
not welcome in this town. Everyone here blames you
for all of those deaths and Tom makes a great point. And he is like, weren't
you the sheriff back then? Why don't they blame you
to for letting a guy go from a murder hospital spree
to a murder mine spree. You had time. - I just saved your ass
Hanager, for the second time. But don't you worry kiddo. There won't be a third. - Good.
- Yeah, who cares. We hate you and this whole
vest wearing community. We hate you and this whole
vest wearing community. You can all shovel coal on
the choo-choo train to hell. That would've sounded cooler if I just called it a train. Anyway, that night at at 1:00 AM, Sarah goes to see your husband. Watching that, oh, the reason
Irene got mad at that guy she was sleeping with, was 'cause he was secretly videotaping it and that secret video camera caught the coal mining guy
who killed them on camera. Sarah really does not
care about this friend. She's like getting murdered
naked on the screen and she's like, oh cool. So who's picking up Noah
from school tomorrow? Also, Axel here questions her about being visited by Tom and being like, oh the love of your life. And she's like, no, no, don't say that. You're my husband. - He's not the love of my life. - You left this on the dresser. - It's not what it looks like. That's just an image I
was masturbating too. I meant to improvise some sort of lie, I meant to improvise some sort of lie, but I was sort of caught off guard, because you're playing our dead ex-friends sex tape murder evidence on
the family computer right now. The tape shows us Tom
being brought to his room outside the motel window at one point. So basically the husband
is like he's in trouble. So I wouldn't go emotionally
affairing on with him, but of course Tom shows up
at her work the next day before it opens. He's like, you have 15 minutes to talk before the store opens. Yeah, but you're supposed to be at work like an hour before the store
opens, stocking the shelves. Anyway, she really digs
in with him on the reason why he ran away for 10 years. the reason why he ran away for 10 years. - Sell those mines, you'll
regret the rest of your life too. This town depends on that mine. Everyone from the miners to the cashiers at the grocery store. - Yeah, I meant to ask
why do all your cashiers love eating coal so much? I mean there are a lot of Pepsi products advertised in that grocery store. So is it a stomach acid thing? Like when a dog is eating grass, are they trying not to
throw up from Pepsi? This is the first I'm hearing or you, if you were watching the movie about the coal mining
being the bread and butter of this whole town. You would think it's
been like on a decline since these tragedies and since
the invention of the Prius. But you know, Tom talks
about how he had to run away, he couldn't face what had happened and she's talking about how
well I stayed and faced it. I was left with the mess. - Can't go back to that place where it all went wrong
and find your way again. - I feel like she's talking about him processing his trauma by going to therapy, but I feel like instead he's going to literally visit the mines where so many people died because of him. Also, why do the people in this town love not saying the G in certain words with the otherwise perfect
diction of a Hollywood actor? I hate a yellow belly and
you won't catch me runnin' away from anything. Tom does in fact go to the mines. We find out later it's
because that speech of hers convinced him to not sell. What were they gonna do with that mine? Make it a (beeping) Residence Inn? Like they would still mine from it, right? Anyway, that guy who threw the punch at the window last night is the one bringing him down the mines. But that's not good, because
the coal mining murderer comes up and locks Tom in the cage that is there for some reason. And then he has forced to watch while he attacks that guy
who tried to you know, fight him last night. (man screaming) Whoa, that mustard bean so cool in 3D. Now I'm pretty sure I said it right. You're the one who said it it wrong. This guy is a multiple ax wounded and then that's of course
when everyone comes downstairs and sees Tom there locked in a cage, they do tend to believe
he couldn't have done it, 'cause the cage was jammed shut. Sarah finds all this out when she shows up at the hospital to deliver hearts of
candy for the children and Tom is like, Harry Warden is back. And everyone's like, what? But he died in the mine collapse after his murder spree and they're like, we never found his body. And I'm like, okay, again,
this is all news to me. But then Axel is like,
not only is he dead, the police here who handled crimes at the time had a mob mentality and killed him and buried
him out in the woods and then they covered it
up for the last 10 years. It's like, okay, you're really breaking that wall of silence
the police love so much. We don't talk about the
coverups and he is like, show us where the body is so that people will believe
Harry Warden is not back. He couldn't possibly be. This is a copycat. - Sheriff, you really think
that a set a decade old bones is gonna clear up these murders? - Stop people from thinking
the boogy man is back. Then I get on with my investigation. - Mm, that does make sense
until you think about it. How is public speculation
and a ghost story even almost preventing you from finding out who
the actual murderer is? How come all of a sudden you need to convince a jury of your peers? This is Coal town USA after all where suspected criminals are
guilty until proven guilty. where suspected criminals are
guilty until proven guilty. And no, we won't be
taking forensic evidence into consideration, because
the rubber eye piece fell off of our microscope. The mystery deepens and the killer could be literally anyone except for the people
that obviously isn't. Such as old guys who
are shorter than that. The grave is empty, however. Completely empty. So they were like he had to be dead, he had no pulse and then
you buried dirt on him. So yeah, it would be hard to survive that. You should have watched
for like a half hour to make sure he at least suffocated. Anyway, we're supposed to
be like suspecting everyone in this movie. Tom like looks at the
deputy sheriff suspiciously. Is like that guy has
been nothing but nice. Well they don't really make
that a serious accusation ever. Even though twice he looks
meaningfully at something, Axel and Tom are questioning each other and Tom gets punched because he's like, Sarah's settled for you. And this old guy with the white hair in the brown clothes is like, you gotta get outta town
or whoever this murderer is gonna come for you and Tom's like or you. Like stop saying suspicious (beeping). You're already being in
every suspicious situation. People either think Tom is the murderer or the murderer has come back as Harry Warden would
because Tom came back. Like Harry Warden was just
living out in the woods for 10 years and now he
knows that Tom's back, because he accessed his
Facebook at the library. I don't know. But that night Tom sneaks
out to Axel's dad's old decrepit house in the woods and sees like there are these suspicious boxed hearts of chocolate that were found at all
of the murder sites. That's the guy's MO, he rips out your heart and
puts it in a box of chocolates. Otherwise this movie could basically take place any time of year. They feels like they had this one written and then they were like, oh, this can work for the
Valentine's Day bloody thing that we're trying to remake
from from the eighties. As foreshadowed, the white-haired guy, the old man with the big
house, it's time to die. (dramatic music)
(man grunting) (deep mask breathing) Whoa, that Mr. Bean cold brew win 3D. You know, I'm sorry for
being so hard on you towards the beginning. That is harder to say than I thought. I think it's just because
I'm having a weird reaction to mixing Benadryl with vinegar, which is what I have
for dinner every night. It could also be because I
mixed witchcraft and wizardry. I don't really know. I should ask my doctor but
he won't pick up my calls. Do any of you know him? That shot was clearly inspired by the famous nurse station
scene from an otherwise not so memorable movie,
"Exorcist Three, Legion". (door squeaking)
(keys rattling) (dramatic music) Look out, it's Nearly Headless Nick. Ugh, pardon that reference. I was almost on some turf (beeping) for a minute there, never again. J.K. Rowling is the real exorcist demon. So that guy gets killed by having his head thrust upon the post. He thrust his head against the post. Sarah walks into the police station and sees her friend from childhood splayed out naked and
murdered and she's like, oh, pretty wallpaper. I'm like, come on girl, do you care? Also husband, do you care? Maybe some privacy. Put those in a folder. When that former mine operator guy retiree is found dead in the woods, there is even more suspicion cast on Tom who was not around the
night before I guess. And now we're worried for
Sarah and Megan's life, because they're closing
down the grocery store all by themselves, even though
that's not enough people for a store of this size, whatever. And Megan is indicating that she's having an affair with her Sarah's husband or being like, why did you marry Axel? And she's like, well during the mine
attack he was there for me. Meaning he like kind of helped her up when her boyfriend also ran
back to try and help her. Anyway, Megan's like, well
he is not there for you now. It's like you said that in a weird way. Like it's because he's in your (beeping). The lights go out and these
ladies start getting scared as they should, 'cause
someone's in there with them. (heavy breathing) - I'm kind of a (beeping) sometimes. - Don't worry Megan. There's nothing to fear. When you're surrounded by
the comfort and convenience of all of these delicious
Pepsi Co brand snack products such as Pepsi, diet
Pepsi and Pepsi in cans. Plus you can always take
solace in Pepsi Co's complimentary portfolio of foods. Including classics such as Lay's, Doritos, Gatorade, Pepsi Cola,
Mountain Dew, Quaker Oats, and my favorite kind of
Pepsi, Pepsi's Pepsi. - My favorite kind of
Pepsi, Pepsi's Pepsi. - It doesn't take long
before Mr Axe murderer man who I wish had something at
least that they called him. I guess they just call him Harry, assuming it's him or a copycat. He starts chasing these women, but they use the power of feminism and the mops they were mopping with to beat him off and
help get each each other back to safety in the office. (women screaming) - Come on Megan. - Whoa, yaba daba skee
be de be de in 3D be dee. I can't even remember what
the original sentence was. Someone please help me. Quick, which refreshing
PepsiCo brand product helps support brain health? The girls' barricade
themselves in the back office, but Mr. Pickax does what he does best. Pick axing through the door until he's suddenly running really fast several hundred yards. - Come on, come on. Something's not right. Come back, come back.
(Megan screaming) - She got dragged for filth. 'Cause the ground is
filthy and she's about to have her heart ripped out
for Valentine's Day, remember? to have her heart ripped out
for Valentine's Day, remember? She said, make sure the people know my last words we're PepsiCo. Bye Megan, you have to die
'cause of again having sex. Sarah, you're, you might make it, because you're wearing modest garments. No, that was my favorite small town folks person plaid button up. It's how people knew
I'm such a down to earth casual character minus
my perfectly done makeup and always styled hair. Suspiciously soon after that guy, the murderer runs away Axel shows up and is like, where's Megan? And Megan is super dead with her heart ripped out in the alley and the words painted in "Kill
Bill" blood over her head that say, "Be mine 4 ever". Good practical effects in
this movie, by the way. I didn't notice the first time
I watched it as a youngster, because probably it's really
hard to see fine detail in a 3D movie. It's blurry at best. Oh, Axel is like, I don't know
why he would go after Megan. To get to you? And that's like, well,
he tried to kill her. It probably was just
her, but Sarah's like, maybe it was to get to you. I'm not blind. And he's like, oh, gotta go. Back at home, Noah is watching cartoons and Rosa is fulfilling her prophecy. (Rosa gasping)
(dramatic music) Go a ska be da be boop dee dee dee 3D. Uh-oh, the phrase just
entered as jazz era. Hopefully that means it's following a similar
career trajectory to Lady Gaga. I'll start planning my
Oscar speech just in case. I would like to thank PepsiCo products. The lady who loves putting
her fingerprints everywhere and the retired sheriff
show up to Noah's house, because somehow the sheriff
is like, he's in there, we gotta go get him. So she goes in looking for Noah. (television playing) - Officer Beth, mama,
we talked about this. The governor is always writing complaints The governor is always writing complaints asking us why we keep letting
detective redhead over here tank every murder case by touching the evidence without gloves. Just leave the music on, leave that TV on. What are you doing? Weirdly, that lady survives, but the old chief of police
gets pick ax murdered, as you could expect, by having his bottom jaw ripped off in 3D. It's really, I hate that kind of thing. There was a "Saw" movie that did that and I hated it. After her attack, Sarah is at the hospital where she gets a call from Tom who she's starting to be like, I think I trust you more than anyone, even though you are the
only suspicious new thing that's causing these murders. He's like, basically Axel's
not the guy you think he is. It's like he was shown
to be not a good guy. So whatever. He goes and picks her up being like, I have to show you something. There's proof that he's the one who did it planning to take her to the house, but where her husband owns all
of those boxes of chocolate. But while they're
driving, Axel calls Sarah and is like, Tom is the killer. You gotta believe me. And so she's sort of like, I don't know who the killer is. Damn it. (Axel breathing deeply)
(dramatic music) You know, maybe Axel is a better husband and father than I thought. Did you see how gently he
closed that flip phone? It's proof that I can change him. Immediately Tom knows that
there is now suspicion cast upon him from the only person he used to love named Sarah. And he starts acting erratic in a way that I'm like, okay, he might, yeah, need some help. It could be him who did it,
but also it could be Axel, I don't remember. So she causes a car crash
so that she can escape and then runs into the house that Axel owns and looks for a weapon. But now it really feels like it was Axel, because she sees he has
like the picture he found of her and Tom as an
emotional affair evidence as well as many boxes of chocolate fallen all over the place. And right on cue the ax murderer shows up, tries to kill her, but she runs into the mines where she gets scared
by all these uniforms, gets into an elevator. Oh, and then both Axel and Tom show up at the same exact time
being like, shoot him. No, he's the one shoot him. And she's like, everyone
shut the (beeping) up. And that's when eventually Tom is like, you know what? Just shoot us both. It doesn't matter. And she's like, oh, that's
an interesting offer. But that's when Tom really steps in it. - Be mine forever. Those are the same words written in blood above her dead body. Isn't that right, Axel? Did you know that Megan was dead? - Oh hell yeah. Officer Beth might as well have died in that house because we
have a new detective redhead on our team. Tom said, der. I'm so sorry, my band started playing the wrong song and I
didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd do a hoedown. Like, no you didn't, girl. You killed Beth, Megan, everyone, and then you tried to kill Noah, but just fried up the housekeeper instead. How dare. But Tom honestly didn't even know he was living this double life. He's like, look how behind
you, there's Harry Warden. And she's like, there's
literally no one here. And and then Harry Warden disappears like in "Fields of Dreams" into Tom, thus visualizing his split personality. We also see him flashing back
to all of the crime scenes, digging up the mask from
Harry Warden's grave, locking himself in that cage that everyone was so sure
he couldn't have done. It's like, okay, but then he did. So where is the detective work? And then the spirit of
Harry Warden comes forward in our antagonist who as usual is shown to be someone who, because of his mental illness, must be insane and not even
know he's killing people. He gets a good jab in on, what's his name? Darius? No, Axel, Darius. And so Megan is, Sarah is trying to help lift up her husband who cheats, just saying, they really love
each other all of a sudden. That was a turnaround and she's really, you can tell she's struggling to lift him. - Oh God, oh God. Let's go Axel, come on. Let's go Axel, come on. Ah, it's okay, it's okay. - Okay, sweetheart,
you are just determined to use some of those improv skills in this movie, aren't you? Fine, you can grunt and
moan however you want, but the producers can
only promise to devote, mm, now let's say 90
seconds of unbroken run time of the finished film towards that. She said, perfect, I'll start right now. Ah, oh, ah, oh, ah. You can get up. Can you get up? Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day. Ah, my baby, Valentine's Day. By now, Tom is cha cha
chasing them down the hall, thus fulfilling the foreshadowed prophecy of revisiting the place and
making it all go different. Sarah has one bullet left after firing and missing five times into the walls of a canyon, but suddenly she's literally the matrix and shoots a canister, which I guess not being a coal miner is similar to the way
that the tank blew up when Tom caused it 10 years ago. Either way, he explodes. He's like standing right
next to that explosion, which would literally crush
your entire organ system. But the first rescue
worker to come down there is like, well, we're gonna help you buddy. And weak Mr. Tom is somehow takes one arm and axes as the guy in the head. It's a lot. It's a another excuse for 3D. Why does every stupid kill in this movie have to be through like with the ax? It's very uncreative just to see it go into different parts of the head. Also, I still take issue with the way that that whole first
scene was introduced. They could have combined
the teen partying scene with the Tom being negligent
era of this whole disaster. Like what if he left work
without checking the lines, because he was excited
to go drink at the party. And then somebody who
saw like their son die in the accident, who was also a minor, like this father-son mining duo went on a killing spree to get back at whoever was at the kids of the people who worked at the mine with him. You know, whatever. It took me three seconds to
come up with a better solution. But here's the movie we were left with. A cliffhanger in case this did well enough for a "My Bloody Labor Day" 3D. I forget the holiday calendar. (dramatic music)
(Tom panting) I know that probably
seemed a little unlikely, but trust me, it actually makes sense. You see, back in 2009, the extra firm hold hair gel really was capable of keeping
your hair good and straight with all that exposed scalp, even underneath a hat. So you could rock that
short spiky hairstyle no matter how long sweat has been melting a sticky film across your forehead. And also it was very
trendy at that time anyway, to have a face that was stickier than the the floor of a movie theater. A 3D movie theater, right? Boo yeah, bringing it all full circle. Whoa, that probably would've
looked so cool in 3D. We really did make it back home. Thank you. Thank you PepsiCo products, and that's all she love letter wrote for this Valentine's Day
3D bloody massacre thing. Quite the movie of forgetability. I mean, even its most interesting shot that made me jump was a direct ripoff of another iconic shot
from horror film history and without the gimmick of being in 3D, this is just like a very
generic horror movie, slasher who done it type of thing with some notable prosthetics or dead mannequin looking things. But let me know your thoughts
in the comments below, and also give this video a big thumbs up if you wanna see more Valentine's
Day content this February. But most importantly, if
you're new to my channel, I would love to have you
click that subscribe button right over here. That way you never miss
new videos from me. I upload two new ones every week. So turn on notifications and you'll always be the first to know ♪ when I'm coming down
the mine shaft elevator ♪ ♪ axing you in the head. ♪ I'm just kidding, I would never. You guys are all the greatest. Thank you so much for putting your heart into a box with me today. (awkwardly laughing) I will see you next time.
