THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I COULD OVERCOME PORN...

[Music] my parents bought my brother and I an  iPod Touch for Christmas and they had no idea what   world was just being opened up to us we had no  idea what world was being opened us to open up to   us I remember I would hear jokes and people would  pick fun and they would say oh you don't know what   that means you're so green you don't know what  that is and so I would go look it up on my iPod   touch and I would be horrified at what I would  find definitions turned into images and then IM   turned into videos and before I knew it I was  fullon addicted to pornography I would literally   wake up start watching porn it would be light  outside I'd happen to look up and it would be   pitch black the wrestle was so intense I was like  God I can't do this I I can't do this this is this   has got to go to the Grave like me and you we can  just do this together we we can just hash this   out together nobody has to know and he just kept  saying so sweetly so patiently just give it to me so I was born in Miami Florida to amazing  parents and at the time I was the youngest of   four that would later become seven so grew in  grew up in a big family grew up around a lot of   family my grandma lived across the street had a  lot of cousins around and uh it was pretty simple   life was simple I didn't live in in Miami for a  long time I think I was about 6 years old when   God really put it on my dad's heart to leave and  so we began to pray and he felt led to move to   a little town wasn't even on the map middle of  nowhere called Heartland Missouri so we packed   up the family and and drove out to Missouri  and there is where God really created some   connections for my family uh and really int uced  us to some key people that would actually lead   us out of Missouri about a year and a half later  to Raleigh North Carolina where I now live um but   the thing that was significant about moving there  for me personally to Missouri was that was where   I gave my heart to Jesus and I remember sitting  with my mom and my grandma we were in church and   they both just ask me have you accepted Jesus into  your heart and I said no but that I wanted to and   so they kept just saying just say Jesus over and  over again just keep saying Jesus and so I just   kept saying Jesus Jesus and then all of a sudden  I started crying and I remember thinking to myself   why am I crying right now but I could just feel  such love and and I was moved to tears because   of that and so I remember my grandma saying that's  it that's it that's Jesus touching you and so that   was really my first encounter with Experiencing  God in that way so it was a beautiful memory   that I that I hold dear to my heart in in Missouri  but yeah God took us from Missouri to Raleigh   North Carolina and I still remember the first  service that I ever went to because the reason   we went there really was for a church my parents  met the Pastor Paul kid and and we felt like   we needed to to be a part of clf church and so I  remember walking in the door and my heart exploded   I thought I don't know what it is about this place  but I want to stay here forever and I was 8 years   old but there was something about the prophetic  atmosphere in the church that really resonated   with me and even though I couldn't put words to  it I just knew there's something here that I want   and I want to learn more about it and so growing  up life was pretty simple pretty straightforward   but sin has an interesting way of making life a  little more complex and so it all kind of really   started when I was 10 years old I was sitting  down folding laundry with my mom and this TV   show was on we were kind of watching TV folding  laundry and this Prime Time show a promo for it   came on and it was a very sensual scene that they  flashed across the screen and so me being the good   Christian girl that I was I had to really do it up  for my mom and and make sure she knew that I did   not approve of that that and so in a very dramatic  way I just kept talking about how disgusted I was   and my mom who probably was just exasperated she's  a mom of seven we're folding laundry just kind of   in passing said well that's how you got here and  I remember being horrified I there was so much   that was said in that simple statement that I  couldn't process and so I dropped the laundry   I ran upstairs to my room and I sobbed my eyes  out and prayed a prayer of repentance on behalf   of my parents for having sex because I didn't  know anything about it and as humorous as it   is to look back now I recognized that that was a  moment where the enemy saw an opportunity to begin   to sew a lot of confusion a lot of doubts about  God about my parents about this Christian walk   and he really used that to swing the door open  to sexual perversion and so what's interesting   about my life I feel like for so long is that I  kind of lived this double life where there was a   real genuine desire for God there was a real deep  passion for the Lord but then there was also this   these questions I I couldn't seem to answer and  so I began struggling with fantasizing and this   was before I tripods and things like that and  so I just kind of would make up scenarios in my   head very sexual scenarios in my head and and I  remember just sometimes even going upstairs to my   room to take a nap just so that I could fantasize  and just imagine all these different things and I   was too scared to ask anybody about it because I  didn't want to seem like I wanted something that   was bad and so I remember that being my struggle  in secret for a long time at a at a young age but   my siblings some of them were also struggling  in their walk with God too so there was a lot   of unrest there was a lot of tension spiritual  tension in the house because even though their sin   was a little more outward than mine mine was very  Inward and it tormented me honestly and Lizzie how   how old were you around this time when you were  dealing with all of this this was really between   the ages of 10 and 13 wow and so I was very young  and and didn't really know a whole lot about the   world I grew up pretty sheltered for the most part  so there was just a lot of confusion of just what   what is going on I don't I don't know what's wrong  with me right right um but it also created a lot   of Shame and so there was a a performance complex  that really started to develop as well because I   felt this in this this need to prove myself this  need to convince everyone that I really was a good   girl that I really did love Jesus it affected my  walk with God because I felt like I had to earn   my salvation I had to prove to God and my parents  and all the people around me that I was who I said   I was and and that created a lot of pain a lot  of inner torment because I just knew that I I   couldn't be this person and so fast forward I'm a  teenager now my parents bought my brother and I an   iPod Touch for Christmas and they had no idea what  world was just being opened up to us we had no   idea what world was being opened us to open up to  us I remember I would hear jokes and people would   pick fun and they would say oh you don't know what  that means you're so green you don't know what   that is and so I would go look it up on my iPod  touch and I would be horrified at what I would   find but I I just wanted to know so badly and so  definitions turned into images and then images   turned into videos and before I knew it I was  fullon addicted to pornography and it didn't make   any sense I mean I'm a girl girls don't struggle  with porn right and so I remember sometimes   sitting in church and you know people would say  things about if you're a man in here and you're   struggling with porn you need to run to this  Altar and and I just kept thinking I'm a freak   I'm a freak something is wrong with me I'm going  to hell there was so much fear that gripped me   and I think a lot of people struggle with fear but  it was so bad at one point that I just felt like   at any moment some Demon was going to jump out at  me and and beat me up or something like that and   so I remember I would sleep with my back towards  the wall so that I could fall asleep looking out   and making sure nothing was coming for me there  was just such a deep paranoia of somebody's going   to find out I'm I'm going to get exposed and and  everybody's going to hate me and and I was bound   in that for for so long and I remember just I  remember just thinking how did this even happen   like I love Jesus at this point I started serving  on the worship team so now I'm I'm leading worship   I started serving on the young adults team and  I just thought how is this possible I love Jesus   so much but this thing just keeps gripping me  and and I don't know how to get free and it was   bad I mean there were times on the weekends after  school I would literally wake up start watching   porn it would be light outside I'd happen to look  up and it would be pitch black wow hours and hours   consuming pornography it it was actually so bad  at one point that I remember clicking on videos   and realizing that I'd already seen that video and  sometimes multiple times because I just became so   familiar with the different spaces where I would  go and consume porn and I'll never forget the   times where I would I would finish I would go take  a shower and sometimes I would cry but sometimes   I was so in shock and so grieved inwardly that I  would just I would just stand in the shower and   as hard as I would try to scrub myself clean  I felt so dirty and I just kept saying God I   want to be clean I want to be clean I want to be  clean but I kept trying to do things to to earn   this this Redemption right but there was something  in me that just felt so separated from God and I   remember just crying out to God and I was saying  God I don't want this I don't want this fast   forward I'm 16 I um went to a youth conference  that uh one of our sister churches was hosting and   a lady went up and told her testimony and she was  talking about secret sin and I remember sitting in   that service and I was thinking to myself this is  My Moment Like This is it I I I can get free but I   I I couldn't do it in front of everybody I didn't  want to admit that I wasn't who I said I was who   people thought I was who people would tell me I  was right and so I made it up in my mind I was   like I I won't answer the alter call here but I'm  going to go home and I'm going to tell my parents   and so I remember flying home I came I told my  parents that I was looking at things that weren't   right on the internet they forgave me I think they  were honestly just really excited that I was home   again that was the first time i' had been away  from home for an extended period of time and I   thought okay I I'm good I I beat this thing right  and and I didn't have to tell everybody well the   next year something really interesting happened  and I really feel like this is where the intensity   of the Warfare increased I was 17 years old I was  working at this job I haven't been watching pornn   and I'm feeling great and I'm really just telling  my co-workers about Jesus and it was interesting   the people that I worked with some were um  Muslim some were atheists some just indifferent   and I was just telling them no Jesus loves you you  got to come to my church we're about to have this   conference it's G to be amazing and so they're  kind of like yeah you're a little weird but uh we   might come and check this out I had a dream one  night that one of my co-workers uh was standing   across from me we worked on an assembly line  he was standing across from me and he said deny   Christ it was very menacing very very demonic and  he said deny Christ and I looked at at him and I   said No and then he pulled out a gun and shot  me in the head couple days later I'm you know   still telling them about this conference coming up  you guys should come all this stuff and I'm find   myself at a prayer meeting and I remember God was  just touching me so deeply I was crying and then I   stood up to lift up my hands and immediately I hit  the ground and I thought man that is so strange   I just stand up too fast and my church is very  charismatic they probably just thought I fell out   in the spirit or something like that but I knew  something was odd about that and all throughout   the rest of the night I I just progressively  I wasn't feeling well my my head was hurting   so bad and I was like something's wrong well I  get home my dad was asked me some questions I   started throwing up he rushed me to the hospital  and they did some scans on my brain it turned out   I had been bleeding in my brain a blood vessel in  my brain burst and I had been bleeding for about   6 hours before I got to the hospital I  can honestly say it was a supernatural   facei that the lord gave me because even though  they were telling me that they were going to   have to shave my head and cut open my skull to  stop the bleeding I remember looking at my dad   in excruciating pain I mean it felt like somebody  was taking a jackhammer and just drilling into my   skull I remember looking at my dad and and I said  I'm going to be okay I'm going to be okay it was   such a high honestly that that whole experience  I was in the hospital for probably about 8 days   I lost my ability to read I was less than 100 lb I  forgot a lot of people's names things like that I   mean it was a it was a traumatic brain injury but  I remember just knowing that this is an attack of   the enemy and and I don't need to be afraid so I  felt so great right in the hospital and and when   I left I was just on top of the world but then the  process of having to heal the process of having to   learn how to read again having to you know restore  my memory all of that really took a toll on me and   and slowly the faith that I had so strongly in one  moment really started to to dwindle and I started   to question and ask God some really hard questions  because in my mind God I'm on the worship team I'm   on the leadership team I'm doing everything I can  possibly do and this happens why did you let this   happen to me I don't understand what else do I  need to do what else do I need to give you right   that that performance thing of just I'm doing  everything so I should be getting this kind   of life and it just wasn't happening that way  unfortunately um few years later I really just   was at a low point and I was just kind of like I  think I'm just I I don't know I don't know what   to do I don't know how to respond to what's going  on in my life right now started listening to Dirty   music started watching a lot of very sexual movies  and before I knew it those were the open doors for   me to be right back where I was before full-on  addicted to pornography and it's interesting that   the the enemy always gave me such creative lies  to make me feel better about this addiction and   one of the lies was um being a virgin I thought  well what if I'm really bad at sex and and what if   my husband resents me for that so so actually I'm  educating myself and and and I'm preparing myself   so that way when I get married I'll be good at it  because again I had to earn it right it couldn't   just be you know God loved me and wanted to save  me for something beautiful I had to earn it and   so I remember just deep diving in this almost  fear frenzy of of okay H how do I become good   at sex so that I'm ready for it and none of that  ever gave me the satisfaction that I thought it   would and and I came back to that point of just I  don't know what to do God everybody has all these   high expectations of me and I'm trying to meet it  but I know that I'm not doing what I need to do   and I know that I'm not who I need to be and and I  need you to save me I remember sitting down at my   desk this is a year 2020 now sitting sting at my  desk and I just remember the Holy Spirit saying so   clearly it wasn't like I heard the audible voice  of God but it was that inner voice and and Jesus   just said so sweetly just give it to me just give  it to me and the wrestle was so intense I was like   God what are people going to say they're going to  kick me out of the church they're going to kick me   off the leadership team for sure they're going to  what do I I can't do this I I can't do this this   is this has got to go to the Grave like me and you  we can just do this together we can just hash this   out together and nobody has to know and he just  kept saying so sweetly so patiently just give   it to me and I had this image in my mind it was  something that I used to do where I would imagine   myself hugging Jesus and I remember having this  image in my mind of something being between me and   him to where I couldn't hug him all the way God  was showing me that that's what sin was doing in   my life is that sin was coming in between me and  Jesus and I I wasn't able to interact with him in   the way that I wanted to because I was consciously  allowing this thing to stay in between me and him   and man that that broke me because I I realized  I don't want anything between me and you and and   I want to have this relationship with you I I  want to have this intimacy with you so I've got   to let this go I've got to let this go and so on  my lunch break only had 30 minutes but I sobbed   my guts out and I repented to God and and this  time it was different I think before I was just   so annoyed with my guilty conscience that I was  just like God I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry cuz   I didn't want to feel guilty anymore but this  time was different because it it wasn't about   my guilty conscience it was about I want Jesus  and whatever it takes if they kick me out of the   church I don't care whatever it takes I want Jesus  and so I made the decision to tell my leadership I   told my parents and don't get me wrong I had to  have some really hard conversations I I had to   be honest with myself in a way that I wasn't  willing to be honest with myself in the past   but I was free and there was something about that  realization of the enemy doesn't have that hook in   me anymore and and there were so many times where  I would lead worship and I'd get off the stage and   the enemy would be like yeah but they don't know  about that and if they found out about that they   would completely change their mind about you and  it was like that voice was gone and the joy that   came with knowing that I didn't have to put up  with with that torment anymore I mean it was   incredible it it I physically felt lighter and so  I'm in this process right I I'm like man this is   amazing I I feel like the grass is greener the sky  is Bluer everything is great approaching uh this   conference that we were having at my church  and then I I started to feel very uneasy and   some something was something was not right in  my spirit and and I couldn't put my finger on   what it was we finished up the conference my  family and I we finished up the conference we   were at my parents house one of my family members  actually had um come into town for the conference   so we were all together and we were just talking  about how powerful it was and how there's maybe   some some generational things we need to address  as a family maybe there's some things that we need   to allow God to sort through and the whole time  I I couldn't really focus on the conversation   because I physically just felt sick and I was  like something's off and so I just stopped them   and I was like guys can we just can we just take  a second and pray cuz I just I don't know I feel   very uneasy so we started praying and immediately  I started shaking I mean just violently shaking   and I hit the ground and I started manifesting  and I remember thinking the whole time like okay   this is getting real now like the enemy realizes  that he's losing this battle and and he's got to   go and so my family all just came all my parents'  kitchen floor laid hands on me and started praying   and and I could feel this demonic stronghold just  slowly working its way up my body I could feel   it in my throat and then I just screamed and this  thing just came out and I remember crawling up in   the fetal position and just crying because I knew  it's gone that stronghold this thing that has been   following me this thing that has been paralyzing  me for so long it has no power because once I   released that once I let go of the shame of that  it it had no power anymore it had to go it had   to leave and I was free and what was so cool was  that was the beginning of an 8-day process where   my entire family went through deliverance and  the thing that is so interesting is even though   my struggle was very inward when I was younger  kind of in that age between 10 to 13 some of my   other siblings theirs was very outward some of  them walked away from God or just had a lot of   intense compromise in their life and at the time  specifically when we were when they were praying   for me one of my siblings actually wasn't at the  house he was in a very very deep perverse struggle   and so during that that 8-day period every single  one of my family members came to my house and and   we prayed over each other and we saw Deliverance  after Deliverance after Deliverance so much so   that the church found out and so people started  coming to our house and we started praying with   people and started seeing Deliverance in other  people's lives it was absolutely incredible I mean   just a time where it felt like the Ark of God the  the the presence of God was just in my living room   I go back to that that memory so often because  I just remember the love of Jesus just being so   strong and and I think that's the thing that still  blows my mind to this day is that Jesus loved me   enough to be patient with me because I I I didn't  want to say anything I just thought that this is   just going to be the skeleton in my closet that  that no one ever finds out about but he loved me   enough to keep saying just give this to me just  give this to me and so honestly since then God   has continued to just reveal things to me places  where I needed more healing places where I needed   more deliverance and he told me he said you're  going to be free from this and you're going to   write a book and you're going to call it girls du  too and so in the year 2023 I finished writing uh   the first book um that I've ever written and I  have seen so many testimonies since then since   it's come out of women especially coming to to  me and saying I thought I was the only one I I   I didn't realize that other women struggle with  this or or women that have said I've never told   anyone else this before and so to see the freedom  of God be released in that way has just been so   powerful and I thank God I thank God Lizzie who  is Jesus to you Jesus is such a merciful lover   and he's the reason that I get up in the morning  he's the reason I exist and the only one I ever   want to live for Aliza you already mentioned this  but for those who are watching right now and I   want to give you an opportunity here to speak  to these people specifically who are watching   your testimony and are saying to themselves  man that's me I'm right there nobody knows   what I'm struggling with behind closed doors yeah  I'm specifically dealing with pornography as you   mentioned this is something that um a lot of the  times we don't hear testimonies of women that go   through this and so for those who are watching and  specifically women who are watching right now and   are in that place what would you say to them right  now as they're looking at you in that struggle the   enemy lies to us and he tells us that the there's  something wrong with us it's something that can't   be fixed it's something that will never change  it's something that you're just going to have to   live with and that is a Lie from the pit of Hell  when Jesus came to this earth and died on that   cross out of his mouth he said it is finished so  I would say to you and declare over you that that   struggle that you've had no matter how long it's  been going on it is finished and you don't have   to live with that anymore L can you pray for those  who are watching right now and are saying yeah I   don't want that in my life I need Jesus in my life  do you pray for them as they're watching right now absolutely father it was your desire before for  the beginning of time to have a people that would   love you and so when sin came into the world  you decided to to send your son you decided to   send your son in love to die on a cross so that  we didn't have to live Bound by sin and so Lord   I pray right now for your precious daughter  that's watching this for your precious son   that's listening to this God I pray that you  would remind them that your love is more powerful   is more intense is more capable of setting them  free than anything they could ever do they can't   earn it they can't work to deserve it God it is a  gift that you have given from heaven and so father   I ask right now that you would supernaturally  give them the Grace to forgive themselves and to   receive that gift Lord you are not phased by our  past you're not phased by the things we've done no   matter how bad we think it is no matter how much  we feel we deserve punishment Lord your love is   capable capable of piercing through those things  and rescuing us so for the person that's crying   out for a savior for the person that's crying out  that's asking for a sign Lord God let this be that   sign Lord Jesus that you are speaking to them God  that you are calling them to come close to give   their heart to you Lord Jesus father I thank you  that your love right now through this video Lord   Jesus your love is just invading that space your  presence is invading that space right now Lord   God where there's been lies where there's been  torment where there's been unrest father I thank   you supernaturally you are bringing peace right  now every voice is silenced in the name of Jesus   every demonic oppression is silenced in the name  of Jesus they have the peace that surpasses all   understanding and the freedom that you purchase  on the cross may they know it for their the rest   of their life in Jesus name amen amen L do you  have any last words for people who are watching   your testimony right now it doesn't matter how  old you are doesn't matter how young you are   doesn't matter what you feel like you should know  by now or what you feel like you don't know Jesus   is knocking Jesus is knocking and he wants to  be your everything and so if you want to give   him your heart again and again and again he's  going to be right there to receive you again   and again and again if this is the first time he's  so excited and he's so ready to show you all the   things that he has in his heart for you so don't  let fear rob you don't let shame rob you today   day right now can be a completely new day just  give your heart to Jesus that's what I would say

Channel: Delafé Testimonies

Views: 427,367

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Id: 66rma6-lhrE

Length: 31min 46sec (1906 seconds)

Published: Fri May 10 2024