I Believed I Was Gay, Until JESUS Did This...

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11,218,143 views Premiered Jun 1, 2023

Worldwide Revival. Please Pray For.

FATHER

I BELIEVE THAT YOU SENT YOUR SON JESUS CHRIST TO DIE ON THE CROSS FOR MY SINS.

I BELIEVE THAT HE DIED, AND WAS RESURRECTED, AND IS COMING BACK TO JUDGE THE LIVING AND THE DEAD.

FATHER, I REPENT.FORGIVE ME OF ALL MY SINS. COME INTO MY HEART AND MAKE ME YOUR CHILD.

IN THE NAME OF YOUR SON JESUS CHRIST.

Thank you for saving my soul.

AMEN

Neville Johnon / The Academy of Light / Prophecy

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xwo6fVqslF832pq7X2ZK3OP

Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj / Prophecy / Angel TV

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xxWWpNCBcMNZh\_wgq9Io63D

Dr Bruce Allen / School of Translation / Prophecy

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xw\_MXN157uQWUUrckfqYkz6

Steven Francis / Jesus My King Church / End Times Remnant

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xxYAFP-LxKq26XwBf0PTQ5v

Prophet Michael Van Vlymen / School of Translation

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzwww3X6okxZp\_D2Arn6-cO

Trey Smith / Bible History / Prophecy Movies

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xwdppFhJu3QBIURlc29Y5Dr

War Room Prayers / Take Control of Your Life

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xztyt0YgLmOg1HmNuZ0\_Mqz

Speaking in Unknown Tongues / What does it Do? // Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzKzsQnqrHdfzXv-5dw4lUX

Worship Worship Worship Praise Music / Shekinah Worship Center

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xwbLuba-6eBCVoan0Giz6pi

Worldwide Revival. Please Pray For

Heavenly Father in the Mighty name of Jesus Christ Destroy every Demonic plot against Me, My Family, My Church, My City, and My Country.

In Jesus name

In Jesus name

In Jesus name

Satan, Lucifer, Every Demon, All Witch Craft, Sorcery, Every Principality, All Spiritual wickedness in High places,

Prince of the Power of the air, Dominions, every Unclean Spirit, every Infirmity, Chief Prince, all Generals, all Captains, all Centurions, every Watchmen, Principalities and every other Devil.

I rebuke you in Jesus name.

I cast you out in Jesus name.

I cast you Down in Jesus name.

I Bind, Cage, Chain, Mute, Muzzle, Gag, Cut you All Off, Destroy, Strip and Ruin You All. I Nullify All of Your Actions forever and ever In Jesus Christ name.

I take back all of the permission that I have given you in the past to operate in me and through me.

I take my Authority back right now by the Blood of Jesus Christ and as a Son or Daughter of The Most High God.

I render you all Powerless in my life from now on in the Mighty name of Jesus Christ.

The Holy Bible States in Phillipians 2:10-11 " That at The Name of Jesus Every knee shall bow of Things in Heaven and Things on Earth and things Under the Earth And Every Tongue Shall Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. To the Glory of God The Father.”

I now command you All to Bow Down on your knees and confess with your mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Father God Destroy, Strip, Ruin, Confuse and Cast Down the demonic kingdom in Jesus name.

Most High God, His number is 644, Jesus, Emmanuel, Holy Spirit, Almighty God, Father and His Power Aleeth.

Please Forgive Me of Every Sin that I have ever Committed and Thank

You for dying on The Cross for Me.

I Give You All of the Praise Honor and Glory forever.

Lord Thank you for hearing and honoring my prayer and setting me free.

Please Lead me and guide me from now on.

Amen

My Two Sons Died on the Same Day Then This Happened // Timothy J Douglass Sr

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xx1BarkXoAwPMqN00JTmCzl

Be My Friend On Face Book / Super Power Prayer / Timothy J Douglass Sr / End Times Prophecy / Prayer / Worship

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100010641464829

Psalms 91 / Prayers for Protection

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOZKQz7rnHg&list=PLTA9JOYHK1xyRxubnpND6QgEz3gQwWVzO

Pornography / How does It Affect People?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xxJt8OhUtotFuDsUUkPYHAk

The Two Witnesses / Who are They? When will They Come?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xyc\_hth4h79wUwXnboxh1P-

The Deep State / What is It. What Does It Do?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzGURojGv9GCjREs76WpYix

The New World Order / When will it Be here? What Is It?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzRwm0kqwUVT3mKiUUlsa8N

The Rapture / When will It Happen? What Is It?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzmsDhXQkE877-JiBxg-SG-

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/Maleficent_Internet3 📅︎︎ Jun 06 2023 🗫︎ replies
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I went home and I was addicted to we addicted  to porn addicted to women sex just anything   to literally get out of this feeling and so  actually I had a dream in the dream I'm in   an interrogation room and I'm with Jesus on the  other side and he lays out in front of me these   seven crystals and it was everything that I had  ever felt anything that I had ever did or every   wrong against me or everything literally every my  whole life from when I was born to the age of 21   as he goes he crushes every single Crystal and it  all turns to dust on this table and I'm just like   and I'm not scared but I'm just like I  could just feel the power and the glory   like just the light in him and he reaches  his hand out to me and he's just like this okay welcome Kirsten we are so excited to have you  here sharing your testimony with de la Faye for   the people who may not know you can you just tell  us a little bit about yourself my name is Kirsten   Searcy I'm 23 I'm from Hagerstown Maryland and  I'm excited to share my testimony with you guys   Kirsten can you tell us about your life before  Jesus starting with your childhood yeah so as a   child I grew up in a two-parent household um  more of my mother there um instead of my dad   my dad was always at work supporting us and  giving us a roof he would say over our heads   um instead of actually being a dad I grew up  with two brothers and um it was it was great   I actually had a pretty dope childhood honestly  um we would go on adventures and stuff like that   we play we all played Sports so we would always  be somewhere else on the weekends or whatever um   but growing up we also had the obligation of being  at church so we would go to church on Sundays and   just sit there and not know what's going on it  was like an hour obligation um and so I always   knew the parts of like the little like Services  where I would be like all right I know after the   communion like it's only like five minutes and  then we could do it because I'm ready to go home   I don't know what I'm doing here I don't like  this but it was always heard about God there   um never at home um my dad was like Mormon I think  more yeah I think he was Mormon um my mom was just   a non-practicing Catholic woman so I never grew up  with like a Praying mom or like a Praying dad or   like a prank family we were just more Blue Collar  we go to work or they go to work um I go to school   I'm playing sports I'm having fun I'm having I  have a lot of friends so growing up was pretty   actually fun like I didn't have a traumatizing  childhood I had a pretty fun childhood um met   a lot of people through Sports through a lot of  teams I've been a lot of places a lot of States so   Kirsten what was it like growing up um without the  foundation of God and even having your dad not in   the house all the time I want to say now that it  could have shaped me into a whole different person   um but not knowing and being ignorant I didn't  have any other like choice I didn't know I feel   like it could have been pivotal in my life  honestly to to learn about God to learn about   Jesus it could have steered me into a whole  different direction that I actually went in   um my dad not being in the home I feel like  it really made me kind of rejecting resentment   because I didn't get what I needed from my father  um I didn't get the correct love I got like things   like material things I got new shoes new clothes  for for school and I got new material things I   got money for the weekend for my with to go with  my friends but I never got like that listening   father like that father that was like we're going  to pray or we were going to we're just going to   do so we're going to instill certain things in  you it was always just I'm gonna give you this   and that's it but he was also abusive too so it  was like whenever I did see him it was more of   him laying his hands on me because I wasn't doing  this I wasn't doing that so I always resented him   and I always had an attitude towards him because  I'm like well you're never here how are you going   to tell me I'm doing wrong so growing up even  as a teenager you know teenagers like I hate   my parents and I was like that but I didn't have  the privilege of like having a great relationship   with my dad and he later then passed away when  I was 16. um so it brought a lot of guilt so   Kirsten I know a little bit about your testimony  and how you actually left the LGBT community yes   can you tell me how you even got involved with  that were there was there an experience as you   were getting older that kind of made you turn in  that direction and can you tell us a little bit   about what that looked like for you so when I was  about four or five I actually had like a sexual   experience with another child now that I know  what it is it was child on child abuse I did not   know this at the time clearly I was four or five  years old but I was open in like my sexual organs   were awakened at a very very young age so I was  going through middle or sorry Elementary School   like experiencing things like oh like that felt  good like I kind of want to know more about it I   was that kid in elementary school that knew about  sex I knew about it because I was introduced to it   I would go home it was on the TV like I knew like  I could hear my parents you know I just kind of   put it all together um at a young age and other  kids were talking about it too so in about third   grade so how are you in third grade probably like  eight or nine eight or nine years old um I kissed   the girl for the first time and it wasn't like  a plane like we're playing house no it was like   it was like okay I like this and so from there  even being more with the boys and rejected by the   boys because I was like them they saw me as like a  homie instead of like oh hey like oh she's cute or   whatever you know for who I really was so I kind  of steered away from the boys and since I wasn't   getting what I needed from my dad I was resenting  boys all together so in about sixth grade cut my   hair all off dressed like a boy I don't even know  why I couldn't even tell you why I wanted to do   it but it was just like this I just want to change  what I look like I want to change who I am so can   you tell us a little bit about how it felt you say  that you were rejected by the guys what did that   look like did they say something to you did they  you know was there something that happened or why   did you feel rejected so going into Middle School  I always got bullied because I had a flat chest so   I had no butt or because I was always so athletic  that they didn't see me as like somebody that they   would want to date you know and at that age it's  just like you want to fit in you want to like be   popular and all that and all those things so I  was outcasted pretty much and they like the girly   girls they like the girls that do the makeup and  wear like the little tight stuff that was never me   so I kind of quit that and I was like dang okay  like I'm not good enough or I'm not cute enough   and I don't I was like okay I don't like who I  am so I internalized all of that I internalized   The Bullying I internalized that rejection and I  internalized the insecurity that it was brewing   inside of me so I was like I'm just gonna change  my whole identity so I then changed my clothes   and I came in the next year with the whole haircut  and different clothes and everybody's like what is   that like what is going on and then I was like I  like girls that was how I was like I like girls I   shut down that part of me that even knew that I  liked boys because I I did like boys and I just   quieted it going through Middle School I'm trying  to cultivate this whole identity that I don't even   really know what I'm doing and then I'm introduced  to other women or other girls that are in middle   school that like women and so they're teaching me  what to do they're telling me how to do this how   to talk to girls what to do what to do and so  I had my first sexual encounter at the age of   12 and I started smoking weed hanging  out with these people that are that are   older than me girls in high school like it  was like ninth grade I was in eighth grade   and they were telling me about their sexual  encounters with girls so on my basketball team   I play AAU basketball which is summer basketball  every year from eighth grade to 12th grade and so   there was a lot of girls that like girls so and  there's a culture there's literally a culture of   gay basketball players and so I was sleeping with  girls on my team I was kissing girls on my team   we were all doing things in secret we're having  orgies like it was just like that's what we did   when we had sleepovers we would go to different  states for tournaments and it would just be nasty   and Kirsten at any point did you ever feel like  this is wrong or God doesn't like this or did you   have any concept of God in those moments I really  didn't because I didn't know who God was but I   knew that it was wrong I knew that it was wrong  because I'm like I'm going against my natural like   feeling right so I was always like I know I like  boys but I'm forcing myself this is forcing I'm   forcing I'm learning this behavior I'm learning  this because I'm influenced by other people but   it's like I'm hiding that that rejection but  I knew it was wrong and my grandparents would   always tell me I was going to hell and I'm like  okay like I'm going I'm going to hell amen like   I didn't know I didn't care like it wasn't like  okay I don't even know what like what is hell for   real I wasn't scared of it it honestly became  more blatant I was more open and I was like   this is who I am you accepted or I don't and at  that point I had already had an attitude problem   so I didn't care what anybody else thought of  me so I'm like this is who I am you're either   gonna accept it or you're not I'm going through  high school and I'm trying to fit in I'm trying   to tell I'm just really trying to fit in with my  basketball team and and the girls there I went to   a Catholic High School and I was like that girl  that was gay in the Catholic High School and but   um I'm not even realizing that I'm pulling other  people into this lifestyle like it was a company   it was almost like a competition of how many  straight girls can you pull into this you know   what I'm saying so it was like I boasted in that  I boasted in what I look like because I was always   told like oh you're so cute and all this stuff so  I boasted it in my outside appearance the whole   time in the inside I'm breaking but I I just know  that I like boys so I picked up this masturbation   I pick up this pornography in in secret but it  was like I'm gay I'm portraying this gayness to   the world I'm a lesbian with a lot of Gay Pride  all this stuff be who you want to be love is love   but whole time I'm in the room masturbating to  straight porn that doesn't even add up I'm going   through all these identity issues I'm not getting  love from my father I'm not even understanding how   I'm supposed to be with the boy or boys don't  want to talk to me okay I'm just going to steer   myself literally I'm making decisions on how other  people perceive me or I'm making decisions on how   other people treat me or when I'm not getting so  I'm literally moving and creating this identity   this person who is not even real like just  based on hurt and just insecurity really   um when I was 16 was a pivotal moment where  my life changed I want to say like forever   um my dad passed away unexpectedly  and the last time I even saw my father   was in a casket at the age of 16 and  I'm the oldest of four at this point   um and that broke me that actually caused  me to be even more numb than I already was   um I didn't know who I was anyway but then to  take a hit like that and to know that something   that just like fell out of my heart that it didn't  really I couldn't perceive it I didn't understand   it I didn't know what was going on so like losing  a parent was hard for me because I'm like okay   I already know I didn't have a relationship  with him I said so many things that I wish   I could have take back I wish I could  have did this I wish I could have did   that and it hurt me but I was always so  unforgiving of him and like resentful to   him because I was like you didn't give  me what I needed when I needed it like you really couldn't steer my  life in a whole different way   and I've had to deal with the  unforgiveness and the Lord has helped me but to not have a father is is hard especially  as a girl because it's like how do I what do I   look for a man how do I love a man how does a man  supposed to love me so even the little boy is at   school really it hurt but it was like we all go  through that like we're bullied we're it's like   kids are mean because everybody who cares they  don't know who they are either but to get that   at home first and then go out and be confident  and be me no matter what like it really steered   me so like I made this Persona out of numbness  out of lack um and it hurt it hurt really bad   so then to see him laying in a Cascade at the  age of 16 and it's already broken it's already   don't know what's going on um that hit me deep  that hit me deep that led me to so into so many   other things um just to hit that my family took  seeing my mom like not want to get out of bed or   just just traumatize me on it traumatized me  it gives me like chills because just it felt   like emptiness emptiness in our home emptiness  in our relationships Emptiness is just in US   and so I remember actually one night um right  after my dad had passed I think it was only a few   days that I I walked out of my room and I walked  upstairs all the lights are off everybody's in   their room and I was just like dang it just feels  so empty it literally felt like it was cold and um I went to go hug my mom and she just was like just  broken just empty so I wanted to go hug her and   just ask if she was okay um I was like I don't  know what this looks like for us I don't know   where we're supposed to go from here but like  I love you and I don't want to lose you either   so I went back downstairs and I realized that this  is where lesbianism and my coping was in women   so I text this girl and I was like hey can you  come over like I'm really struggling right now   like I just want somebody to just lay with me  and this breaks me this breaks me so much um she came over I let her in through the back  door whatever she was in my bed and my mom   comes to the door and she just knocks and she's  like hey can I come lay with you and I was like   I have somebody in my bed um sorry and it was like I just like chose that um like  over comforting my mom like helping her when   I knew that she was low but I was like I  don't I don't know like this is awkward   in the first place this is weird I'm trying to  cope in my way and she's trying to come to me   it really hurt um I feel like I I took that and  it just created a wound that I just lived from   I just live from it so it invited like smoking  weed just trying to fill anything that I could   just to feel better so I went through  that year the last year of high school   I'm just busy I play basketball and I was like you  know what I'm just gonna try to just forget this   do anything to forget this so I'm just gonna go  do what I need to do finish what I need to finish   um and I just picked the random college and they  were like hey we like the way you play basketball   come and I was like okay and I went because  I was like I I feel like I'm depressed but   I don't really know what's going on I don't know  I've never been depressed before I've always been   happy and joyful and loud and all of it so I go  to college um I went in with a girlfriend because   obviously like that is like my identity now people  can look at me and literally say oh yeah she's gay   and I was like I was okay with that um because I  shut down that old version of me actually liking   men um a long time ago went into college with the  girlfriend uh I ended up cheating on her I had sex   with another girl um and that just kept continuing  so I got into a relationship with this with this   girl which um was honestly traumatizing it was  toxic it was codependent I relied on her for a lot   of things which I really shouldn't have and I was  honestly breaking I was depressed I had anxiety I   was having panic attacks and I was controlling and  manipulative and just just a bad person I was an   ugly person um living from this womb because I  didn't know what was going on I didn't know if   it was from not grieving my dad or or what it  was like not actually living like for myself   um like I was trapped you know Kirsten were the  people around you encouraging of this lifestyle   was anyone seeing this Darkness you were in or  was everyone seeing kind of something different   oh everybody was seeing who I was on the outside  whether it was like oh yeah she's cute or whatever   nobody saw what was actually happening inside  until I actually asked for help from my therapist   um when I got to college because I couldn't  take it anymore I felt like I literally I was   suicidal I was just like I don't want to be here  anymore I don't want to feel like this anymore but   nobody was around me that was like telling me hey  like this is wrong or nobody was telling me about   Jesus like I realized that everything that I was  searching for was in Jesus but I just didn't know   so I went through this pivotal just darkness for  like the first two or three years of college and I   really was suicidal mostly the whole time I stayed  because I was just like I don't I don't want to   die but I don't want to feel like this so I had  a lot of gay friends I'm having sex I'm addicted   to sex I'm addicted I'm addicted to masturbation  I'm addicted to weed alcohol all you can think of   literally like Outlets like their symptoms of  something is going on but I don't I can't put   words to it but I'm hurting I'm hurting so bad but  I'm expected to show up and be a good student I'm   still expected to show up and be a good teammate  and still be like this great student athlete but I   was like man my grades are going down I don't even  want to play basketball anymore because I just   can't even get out of bed like I don't want to be  around anybody I can't even get up to go to class   um it was it was dark I actually wanted to drop  out of college my mom was like you're not going   anywhere and I was like okay I'm gonna finish it  like you're paying some all right but it wasn't   until I went home after college I graduated and  I was addicted to we addicted to porn addicted to   women addicted to sex just anything to literally  get out of this feeling until actually I had a   dream in the dream I'm in an interrogation room  and I'm with Jesus on the other side and he lays   out in front of me these seven crystals and I'm  just looking at them but I'm not scared but I know   it's Jesus like I'm just like I never saw Jesus  I never knew who he was but I knew that was him   on the other side so I'm just like but just like  the power in him knowing me I just knew that he   could see right through me like he knew everything  about me and he laid these seven crystals right   in front of me and it was everything that I had  ever felt anything that I had ever did or every   wrong against me or everything literally every  my whole life from when I was born to the age of   21. I'm just looking at him he's looking at me  and I'm just looking at these crystals and I'm   just seeing my whole entire life which is like a  sham to me because I'm like I didn't want to end   up like this I didn't want to do any of this  stuff I didn't want to hurt the people that   I hurt I didn't want to damage a lot of people's  lives or pull people into this lifestyle and I'm   just looking at all these things and I'm like oh  my God my life has been full of pain from this   point a lot of emotional pain which was covered  up by physical things he as he goes he crushes   every single Crystal and it all turns the dust on  his table and I'm just like oh like what the what   the heck and then the dream's over I wake up and  I was like I just had a dream of God in it like   I've never I didn't ever even remember my dreams  before that I would usually just get high just to   go to sleep or drink just to go to sleep like what  just happened to me so I'm sitting there and I'm   like he just knew everything that I ever did like  that was literally my whole life in front of me   and I'm like yo what the heck so I went upstairs  and I went back I went to the bathroom and I   closed my eyes and I'm back into the dream and so  I'm back into the interrogation room he's looking   at me and I'm looking at him and I'm not scared  but I'm just like I could just feel the power   and the glory like just the light in him and he  reaches his hand out to me he's just like this okay and I just grab his hand and then I I  in a dream or like I guess the vision at this   point is over and so whenever I like open  my eyes my hand is up in the air like this   and I just start crying but I was like a cry  from the soul like everything was I like I   was being freed like it was like oh my God I was  just crying like I was just in awe and just like   just undone in this bathroom and so I get up  I'm like oh my God if I didn't give my life   to Christ thing because I didn't know what to  do I had this I had this this encounter and   I knew God touched me but I was like I don't  know what to do so I walked out the bathroom   and I was like I feel different though like I  always felt different but I couldn't put words   to it so I'm still in the world at this point  I'm still looking to like not feel what I'm   feeling you know so like I was just suicidal the  day before like what's going on why am I like why   am I like I'm like like I'm I'm Different like  I'm like okay I'm gonna get my life together so   I'm like I'm gonna do a routine I'm gonna have  a routine I'm gonna have workouts to do I'm just   gonna try to get my mind right everything that  I knew that I could do you know and I'm getting   advice from my mom and so she's like well you  could do this you could do that you could eat eat   better you know I'm like okay amen so I'm getting  in therapy at this point and I'm like all right I   want to get my life together I'm tired of living  like that I'm tired of like just being depressed   every single day just trying to have a warm body  just to make me feel better just to stimulate me   even though I know my soul is crying out for much  more I just don't know what can really satisfy me   I'm still back in the world so I'm with my friends  we're going out we're clubbing still we're still   drinking we're still smoking but I'm like this  is different like I'm tired of this like I'm   getting tired of this life and so one one day I  was actually High I was still I literally smoked   every single day from the time I woke up to the  time I went to sleep and I had another encounter   with God and so I put on like some worship music  so I was listening to more because I was like I   want to know more God like I don't know what I had  this urge like I have this yearning to know him   I smoke I put on this this Vibe like this worship  music and I was like man I was crying because I   feel I finally I felt the presence of God when  I was high it was like my height just went away   I'm sitting I'm basking in the presence of God and  I'm crying and I'm like oh my God I did all these   drugs I just smoked all this weed I drank all I  could drink just to feel this this is what I was   looking for but I didn't know what this really  was so I'm sitting in the presence of God I'm   crying and I feel this thing on my heart it's  like my heart was being patched up it's like oh   but I couldn't move I was just stuck in the like  just stuck in the presence of God and I'm I'm just   bawling and bawling but I know like something  is touching my chest like I'm being stitched up   oh my God so then from there I'm doing like daily  devotionals and things so no more Gods I'm like   what do I do I didn't even have a Bible I didn't  have nobody telling me like oh we can go to this   church or nothing I learned from God himself so  I'm going doing these devotionals I'm waking up   early in the morning just to feel I want to feel  this thing right because I'm moving in the realm   of emotions I'm in the realm of feeling so I'm  like I want to feel that again so God is like   showing up every single day he's showing up every  morning but he's showing me things that I need to   heal from which is one one we really started  with the death of my father everything that   had had just come from that and we didn't start  with my sexuality first he was like No Just Let   Me Love You Back to Life let me love you like let  me give you Grace like this is what I have done   for you so he's telling me Jesus died for me like  I'm just like so like through Jesus like I'm just   learning I'm learning like this like the basics  of the Gospel right I'm like wow so Jesus died   for my sin so that I could have life but I die  with him so then I could like I'm just like wow   this is really crazy this is really crazy so this  whole time I'm still in the world right I'm still   smoking but I'm still looking for God I'm waking  up I'm like Where's God Where's God Where's God I   went on a trip with my friends and I'm like y'all  like I'm really feeling like I feel this calling   like I have to go away from y'all like I have to  depart from you guys and they're like what's up   like what's wrong with you like I'm like I don't  know but God is calling me higher and I'm really   sorry but like I gotta go and I was talking to a  girl at the time and I even told her like look I   don't know what's going on but I gotta go like  God is calling me somewhere and I don't know   but I just know and I have to like I'm just  I'm going to respond and I'm going to say yes   like I don't know what's about to happen but yes  and so so Kirsten can you clarify was this like   instructions you were getting from the Lord or  was this just like inner feelings or how did you   know you needed to kind of separate so honestly  it was like a desire like my heart was changing   my desires were changing I did I knew that they  weren't leading me to the Lord right so as I'm   hanging out as we're talking as we're smoking  as we're drinking as we're partying and I'm like   says can't oh like it wasn't like you need to  tell me you can't be friends with them no more   no I was like just just let them know like look  like I want God and I just feel like y'all aren't   leading me closer to God right but it was easy  for me because I already had that heart that was   like I don't care what y'all think of me like I  already was like y'all can think whatever y'all   want to say like whatever y'all want to say y'all  can say it it doesn't really it doesn't affect me   I already had that like that's how I moved anyway  so I let them know that and it wasn't harsh but it   was like look y'all not taking me closer to God  and I gotta go so God told me I gotta move at   my mama's house and I was like what what do you  mean I'm only making this much an hour I don't   have I cannot support myself on this like you're  you're tripping like I was like I know this can't   be for me because I would have never thought to  do that I was comfortable right where I was at in   my mom's house I looked and found an apartment  literally in five minutes got it the next day   outside lure like you know for reals like I got to  come up with this like the security box the first   month my mom was like boom you finished College  here you go I'm like Yo God is good like I took   a step of fake but I didn't know you know like  looking back now I'm like I thought that was   my step of Faith like I was moving in faith but  I didn't know I was doing what the Lord told me   I get in my apartment it became a sanctuary like  after I moved to indicate like the Holy Spirit   resided there I was worshiping literally all the  time things were being I was just being cleaned   up I was just he was just loving on me until  I found I was falling in love with him and I   was falling in love with him my desire started to  change it wasn't like it was being rough about it   it was like he was loving me to the point where he  was like just let me love you to be clean like let   me teach you how to be holy let me teach you  how to be pure and so I desired those things   but I was always like Lord like I know this is not  right at this point because I'm reading the Bible   more I know homosexuality is not right I'm like  okay this is not biblical but Lord why do I still   feel this way why do I still have those desires  why is that still like lodged in me you know like   you're cleaning me up you're killing me from so  many things I don't smoke anymore I don't drink   anymore I have a disciplined lifestyle I fast  because he's like I'm looking in the Bible and   I'm reading oh I gotta fast okay like I wanna like  humble myself before the Lord because I love him I   fall in love with him so much as I'm being clean  I asked the Lord what about this like you know   I'm giving you everything you can touch everything  you can see everything you can have whatever you   want like I give it to you you can see it you  can touch it change it whatever and he's like   we don't have we we know we're not there yet we're  not to that point yet right and I'm just like okay   I'm just let him do his thing I'm sitting in the  presence of the Lord I'm getting what I need my   daily bread everything like this but it's like I  wasn't in church yet I hadn't didn't have anybody   around me telling me what to do and I read the  Bible and one morning I'm like I don't think I   ever give my life to Christ so this is literally  six months after right after that initial dream   and I was like Lord let me do this so I get on  my knees right and I'm like Lord Jesus like I   believe that you live that you died like that you  Rose again like to give me new life to forgive me   in my sins like I repent and that was I actually  repented and I was like you was loving me even   though I did not yet repent or even give my  life to Christ like he was still loving on me   you still stepped in when I was in nastiness like  in just like ew like I was dirty and you stepped   in and you love me to be clean like that's just  it was crazy to me so I give my life to Christ I   get baptized a few months later and then I got  a new job and I met a girl and I was like wow   she's cute like whatever whatever whatever she's  she's fun to hang out with and all this stuff I   was like oh Lord I like it like what what do I  do like I like her like I know that you really   wouldn't really send me a woman but like why do  I feel like this and so I indulged in it right   and if I could change it I would change it I'd  I'd backlit so hanging out with this girl all the   time my devotion time starts to get shorter and  shorter and shorter My Worship starts to get like   really really small I get quieter and quieter  and quieter and I'm just like man I don't feel   good I don't feel like I'm I'm back with the  Lord and I was like I'm going back and forth   with this girl because I'm like I don't know if I  should be doing this but I like you so much we're   back and forth literally back to the old toxic  habits back to the same things that I had did   before and so I'm like but I love you and I wanna  I wanna date you and I moved here in my apartment   and when that thing turned into hell real quick it  wasn't even a sanctuary anymore I moved her in and   I was like but I was breaking on the inside and  I'm turning into this ugly person again because   I'm like I'm not where I need to be and I knew it  but I still kept doing it and I was into a point   where I was numb and I was just like I don't  even know how to get back to the Lord like I   lost that intimacy I lost that that feeling like  that that he just loved me so much I felt like he   turned his face for me so that went on for about  seven months that we dated and I just was breaking   and breaking and breaking and I treated her like  crap and I was just like I don't know what to do   I don't know where to go at this point I'm just  like so numb and and like doubt started to come   in unbelief and I just opened the door to so many  things depression again I went through a really   heavy depression because I was like I don't feel  the way I used to feel I don't know what I like I   know what I did wrong and I'm living in shame and  condemnation and I'm like Lord I'm not even worthy   of like anything that you want to give me like I  know you stepped in and you cleaned me up already   and I feel like I've hurt you and so I stayed away  I honestly stayed away I didn't I didn't go back   because I was like you know what like I don't  know how to come back to you I don't know how   to face you I don't know how to come to a father  right to ask for forgiveness I don't know how to   I never like this this is it's triggering because  I never had a dad that I can go to and be like   Dad this is what I'm struggling with like I really  need you to help me I need you to help me through   this or walk me through this or teach me what  to do and so I I really stayed away and that   hurt me like I felt like I was empty like I was  broken and up to honestly like a month or two ago   I was finally like you know what I'm so such at  a low Point Lord I don't know how to get back to   where I was I don't even have to go back to where  I was I repented and I was like Father forgive me   for even going astray or step out stepping out  under your covering I was like I'm sorry but   like I just need you like I I don't know what  else to do my soul is crying out for you like   I am hurting like I need you and like I was I was  like I have so much shame and condemnation I don't   know how to come to you but I was just crying out  because I was like I don't know where else to go   I don't know what else to do I know that you're  the only one that can satisfy me and I honestly   learned a really big lesson for that but I was  able to feel his love and his grace because he   was like you're still my daughter like I still  love you like you stepped out but you came back   and I just I was like wow I went up so far off  the road and I just kept going because I felt   like I couldn't turn around like I felt like The  Prodigal Son but it was like I didn't have that   aha moment like oh the servants are living better  than me like I could go back I got my son I was   like no like I don't deserve it like I backslid  and I went back into the same stuff I was just in   and I felt like crap but I was like you know  what I have to do it I have to do it and so I   came back and I was like Lord like I need I need  your grace again I Need Your Love again like just   you don't even have to like I don't have to feel  your presence because at that point I moved out of   the realm of emotions or I was actually still  in the room of emotions because I was still   depressed and all that but I was like I don't have  to feel you to know that you're here like I'm just   declaring things that I'm just asking him like  please like I I just want to be forgiven I just   wanna I just wanna love you again I just want  to know what it is like to be a daughter again   so Kirsten even after your fall and then kind of  re um igniting your relationship with the father   how did he begin to pull you out of that really  low place and in this place where you felt like   you didn't belong or you weren't even worthy to  come back to him how did he begin to pull you to   the place where you're at right now honestly I  asked him what do I need to do right because I   was like I'll do anything like just desperately  he was like just spend time with me like man like   you come with some such like simple answers  like it's just like just loving like you have   to do this and this and this now he's like just  spend time with me just an hour in the morning   again because very because I was off my routine  I stepped away from everything working out just   keeping my mind writing everything spending time  with him I'm reading his word I'm getting to know   him through his word at this point right because  I just knew him by the way I was feeling as   is great but I'm spending time just knowing him  through his word his grace like even through   stories in the Bible like Prophet Hosea how he  was supposed to marry like or he did marry a   prostitute and she did whatever she did on him  but he still loves her he still I was like yo   this is how you love me like this is crazy like I  could I'm not saying I would just willingly ghost   in and come back but it was like look even  if you do stumble you can still come back   so God never or at the beginning he didn't  confront the homosexuality he just told you   to come spend time with him was this God affirming  your lifestyle no no no I feel like he wanted to   in the secret place that is where we really dealt  with it so he wasn't like oh you can do whatever   you want to do now like oh yeah love is love no  he was like look this just come to me come to me   it's more simple than you think like just come  to me give it to me but I stepped out I made   that decision to go do what I did if I didn't  do that if I didn't get in a relationship it   probably would have been dealt with in the secret  place then like or through all the time that I   really I want to say wasted in a relationship it  could have been dealt with them but it was that   with after I feel like that was probably on  his mind like yeah we're gonna we're gonna do   this but you walked away so now you got to come  back and now we're gonna we're gonna go over it   um and I was actually delivered so I was delivered  from perversion and lust and homeless sexuality   it was it was awkward I didn't know like what  was really going on but I was being delivered   from this from this demonic spirits so Kristen  can you tell me kind of how the Lord has been   redeeming your identity now what is that process  can you take us into what it even looks like even   in your time you know in the secret place the  conversations you've been having with God about   uh your identity and your sexual identity so  um he constantly reminds me that I'm a new   creature in Christ Jesus I'm like thank you Lord  so I'm just I'm kind of going with the flow and   letting him mold me into what he wants to mold  me into right so I'm not the person I used to   dress like a boy or like look to a certain way  so he's just changing my desires he's changing   my heart so it's like huh look in that girl thing  girls like clothes right so like I would always be   the one that would go into the boys side always  always and so I'm like looking at girls things   like that's cute like going to the store like  uh-huh okay and then I'm like maybe I want to   like just try what I would look like with makeup  you know but it's like he's loving me into these   things like I'm not like oh boom let me go put  on I never I'm that was never me so he's like   go get your nails painted like just go treat  yourself you know go go to the store and look at   certain things and I'm like okay okay then I start  like seeing these men right I'm just like what who   like it just was just weird like I literally feel  like a 12 year old kid again because I'm like man   I see this man he's cute okay interesting but like  why if I look at like you know it's just like new   to me so I'm just looking I'm like okay but then  I'm like thinking about like marriage and stuff   like just like little things that he's introducing  to me like hmm But even just outside of my purpose   as well but just like you you you are like a  beautiful woman like you like you are a beautiful   woman and so I'm like I want to look like a  beautiful woman you know like I don't want to look   like how I used to I'm growing I cut my hair for  12 years I have never ever ever really thought of   growing my hair out I have long hair now like I'm  growing out the sides I've always shaved it I want   to grow it out because what he's shown me with the  visions that he's shown me of what I look like I'm   like I want to look like that like that is who I  am he constantly shows me who I am how he sees me   like that's really how you see me like even though  I look like this right now whatever changing the   way I dress just changing the way I sit the  changing the way I address people like just my   speech and just being more proper instead of like  you know are like slang but just like even just   being like being more proper um being more gentle  and kind because I was always so rough I was   always with the boys you know I was always like a  boy so I was just like just being more nurturing   honestly he's just changing my little like  literally my whole nature of who I am who I ever   thought I was wow so Kirsten what are some of the  things that the Lord has called you and what are   some of the maybe labels that he's given you to to  now identify with that's not what you're used to   virtuous beautiful a daughter that like I am loved  I am righteous like that I am Holy for him that I   am pure in him um but just really that I'm loved  that is really all that I was ever searching for   in any relationship even including  my father um having to be restored   from that that he calls me a daughter  because I really never ever felt like one   so Kirsten what words of encouragement do you have  for the people who are currently in the process   that you're in and may be frustrated you know  waiting on the Lord to maybe take the uh sexual   desires away um for the same sex or might be going  through um you know the transforming of their   heart what are some words of encouragement for  them that may be struggling honestly just to keep   seeking Jesus because I I've been well I've been  and I am continuously going through fulfilling   like the fleshly desires with spiritual things  so whenever I felt like oh I want to go have sex   I want to talk to this girl or blah blah I pray  and I sit there and I just ask the Lord like I   seek the Lord but it's like really falling in love  with Jesus because I was not just like oh one day   I'm gonna wake up and I'm not gonna be a lesbian  anymore no it was like the process of just falling   in love with Jesus just keeping your eyes on Jesus  because it is way easier than you think way easier   Kirsten what would you say to people who feel  like they need to be completely straight before   they come to Christ that's a scam that is a scam  because Jesus Christ walked into my life and I was   dirty you don't get clean before you get into  the shower it's not you don't no that doesn't   even make sense no you get into the shower to get  clean so it's like you come through Christ and he   will love you clean I promise and we are covered  under his blood we are clean and purified do you   have any advice for young girls um like you who  are struggling with their sexual identities and   may not really know what to do about it I to go to  their parents go to people who are in the Lord who   can love them who can who can tell them like hey  this is not right but to introduce them to Jesus   honestly because even being like a broken  little girl it's like you don't want to   act out your emotions in that type of way  because it is a road that leads to death   but to really trust people who love Jesus not I  don't want to say don't trust the religious people   because I've had my encounters with religious  people but it really pushes you away from God   so honestly to trust the people who love the  Lord for real Kirsten who is Jesus to you ah he's everything he is everything to me he is  my savior he's my father he is my friend he's   the lover like of my soul like I cannot be  anything without I cannot do anything apart   from him he is everything like he completes  me and I am complete in him there's nothing   else that could fill me anything else that could  lead me to salvation and like he's everything man   everything Kirsten do you have any last  words for anybody who may be watching   honestly fall in love with Jesus just accept  Jesus learn how Jesus is and I promise you that   you will fall in love with him you will like I  don't feel I don't know I don't know this but   anybody that has encountered Jesus I don't think  they've ever been the same honestly he loves you   he loves you where you are and he will love you  until he until you are aware he wants you to be   interesting could you pray for anybody watching  who may be struggling with the same thoughts or   emotions or even their own struggle with identity  can you just pray for them yes Lord God I ask you   to turn these people's hearts to you  father God so that they may know you   because you are so good and you're so loving  you're so gentle and kind father God that you can   restore any broken heart can restore any broken  Soul father God so just ask you to show your love   go to them Father manifest yourself to them  just like you did me Lord Jesus in your   in your internal heart and hearts to flesh  Lord Jesus create us Anew in Jesus name amen
Info
Channel: Delafé Testimonies
Views: 613,359
Rating: undefined out of 5
Keywords: lgbtq, lgbtq+, homosexual to Jesus, gay to jesus, gay and christianity, Delafe Testimonies, De la fe
Id: jCAoIUEvToM
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 44min 20sec (2660 seconds)
Published: Thu Jun 01 2023
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