I Believed I Was Gay, Until JESUS Did This...

Prince of the Power of the air, Dominions, every Unclean Spirit, every Infirmity, Chief Prince, all Generals, all Captains, all Centurions, every Watchmen, Principalities and every other Devil.

I rebuke you in Jesus name.

I cast you out in Jesus name.

I cast you Down in Jesus name.

I Bind, Cage, Chain, Mute, Muzzle, Gag, Cut you All Off, Destroy, Strip and Ruin You All. I Nullify All of Your Actions forever and ever In Jesus Christ name.

I take back all of the permission that I have given you in the past to operate in me and through me.

I take my Authority back right now by the Blood of Jesus Christ and as a Son or Daughter of The Most High God.

I render you all Powerless in my life from now on in the Mighty name of Jesus Christ.

The Holy Bible States in Phillipians 2:10-11 " That at The Name of Jesus Every knee shall bow of Things in Heaven and Things on Earth and things Under the Earth And Every Tongue Shall Confess that Jesus Christ is Lord. To the Glory of God The Father.”

I now command you All to Bow Down on your knees and confess with your mouths that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Father God Destroy, Strip, Ruin, Confuse and Cast Down the demonic kingdom in Jesus name.

Most High God, His number is 644, Jesus, Emmanuel, Holy Spirit, Almighty God, Father and His Power Aleeth.

Please Forgive Me of Every Sin that I have ever Committed and Thank

You for dying on The Cross for Me.

I Give You All of the Praise Honor and Glory forever.

Lord Thank you for hearing and honoring my prayer and setting me free.

Please Lead me and guide me from now on.

Amen

My Two Sons Died on the Same Day Then This Happened // Timothy J Douglass Sr

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xx1BarkXoAwPMqN00JTmCzl

Be My Friend On Face Book / Super Power Prayer / Timothy J Douglass Sr / End Times Prophecy / Prayer / Worship

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100010641464829

Psalms 91 / Prayers for Protection

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOZKQz7rnHg&list=PLTA9JOYHK1xyRxubnpND6QgEz3gQwWVzO

Pornography / How does It Affect People?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xxJt8OhUtotFuDsUUkPYHAk

The Two Witnesses / Who are They? When will They Come?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xyc\_hth4h79wUwXnboxh1P-

The Deep State / What is It. What Does It Do?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzGURojGv9GCjREs76WpYix

The New World Order / When will it Be here? What Is It?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzRwm0kqwUVT3mKiUUlsa8N

The Rapture / When will It Happen? What Is It?

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTA9JOYHK1xzmsDhXQkE877-JiBxg-SG-

👍︎︎ 1 👤︎︎ u/Maleficent_Internet3 📅︎︎ Jun 06 2023 🗫︎ replies

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I went home and I was addicted to we addicted to porn addicted to women sex just anything to literally get out of this feeling and so actually I had a dream in the dream I'm in an interrogation room and I'm with Jesus on the other side and he lays out in front of me these seven crystals and it was everything that I had ever felt anything that I had ever did or every wrong against me or everything literally every my whole life from when I was born to the age of 21 as he goes he crushes every single Crystal and it all turns to dust on this table and I'm just like and I'm not scared but I'm just like I could just feel the power and the glory like just the light in him and he reaches his hand out to me and he's just like this okay welcome Kirsten we are so excited to have you here sharing your testimony with de la Faye for the people who may not know you can you just tell us a little bit about yourself my name is Kirsten Searcy I'm 23 I'm from Hagerstown Maryland and I'm excited to share my testimony with you guys Kirsten can you tell us about your life before Jesus starting with your childhood yeah so as a child I grew up in a two-parent household um more of my mother there um instead of my dad my dad was always at work supporting us and giving us a roof he would say over our heads um instead of actually being a dad I grew up with two brothers and um it was it was great I actually had a pretty dope childhood honestly um we would go on adventures and stuff like that we play we all played Sports so we would always be somewhere else on the weekends or whatever um but growing up we also had the obligation of being at church so we would go to church on Sundays and just sit there and not know what's going on it was like an hour obligation um and so I always knew the parts of like the little like Services where I would be like all right I know after the communion like it's only like five minutes and then we could do it because I'm ready to go home I don't know what I'm doing here I don't like this but it was always heard about God there um never at home um my dad was like Mormon I think more yeah I think he was Mormon um my mom was just a non-practicing Catholic woman so I never grew up with like a Praying mom or like a Praying dad or like a prank family we were just more Blue Collar we go to work or they go to work um I go to school I'm playing sports I'm having fun I'm having I have a lot of friends so growing up was pretty actually fun like I didn't have a traumatizing childhood I had a pretty fun childhood um met a lot of people through Sports through a lot of teams I've been a lot of places a lot of States so Kirsten what was it like growing up um without the foundation of God and even having your dad not in the house all the time I want to say now that it could have shaped me into a whole different person um but not knowing and being ignorant I didn't have any other like choice I didn't know I feel like it could have been pivotal in my life honestly to to learn about God to learn about Jesus it could have steered me into a whole different direction that I actually went in um my dad not being in the home I feel like it really made me kind of rejecting resentment because I didn't get what I needed from my father um I didn't get the correct love I got like things like material things I got new shoes new clothes for for school and I got new material things I got money for the weekend for my with to go with my friends but I never got like that listening father like that father that was like we're going to pray or we were going to we're just going to do so we're going to instill certain things in you it was always just I'm gonna give you this and that's it but he was also abusive too so it was like whenever I did see him it was more of him laying his hands on me because I wasn't doing this I wasn't doing that so I always resented him and I always had an attitude towards him because I'm like well you're never here how are you going to tell me I'm doing wrong so growing up even as a teenager you know teenagers like I hate my parents and I was like that but I didn't have the privilege of like having a great relationship with my dad and he later then passed away when I was 16. um so it brought a lot of guilt so Kirsten I know a little bit about your testimony and how you actually left the LGBT community yes can you tell me how you even got involved with that were there was there an experience as you were getting older that kind of made you turn in that direction and can you tell us a little bit about what that looked like for you so when I was about four or five I actually had like a sexual experience with another child now that I know what it is it was child on child abuse I did not know this at the time clearly I was four or five years old but I was open in like my sexual organs were awakened at a very very young age so I was going through middle or sorry Elementary School like experiencing things like oh like that felt good like I kind of want to know more about it I was that kid in elementary school that knew about sex I knew about it because I was introduced to it I would go home it was on the TV like I knew like I could hear my parents you know I just kind of put it all together um at a young age and other kids were talking about it too so in about third grade so how are you in third grade probably like eight or nine eight or nine years old um I kissed the girl for the first time and it wasn't like a plane like we're playing house no it was like it was like okay I like this and so from there even being more with the boys and rejected by the boys because I was like them they saw me as like a homie instead of like oh hey like oh she's cute or whatever you know for who I really was so I kind of steered away from the boys and since I wasn't getting what I needed from my dad I was resenting boys all together so in about sixth grade cut my hair all off dressed like a boy I don't even know why I couldn't even tell you why I wanted to do it but it was just like this I just want to change what I look like I want to change who I am so can you tell us a little bit about how it felt you say that you were rejected by the guys what did that look like did they say something to you did they you know was there something that happened or why did you feel rejected so going into Middle School I always got bullied because I had a flat chest so I had no butt or because I was always so athletic that they didn't see me as like somebody that they would want to date you know and at that age it's just like you want to fit in you want to like be popular and all that and all those things so I was outcasted pretty much and they like the girly girls they like the girls that do the makeup and wear like the little tight stuff that was never me so I kind of quit that and I was like dang okay like I'm not good enough or I'm not cute enough and I don't I was like okay I don't like who I am so I internalized all of that I internalized The Bullying I internalized that rejection and I internalized the insecurity that it was brewing inside of me so I was like I'm just gonna change my whole identity so I then changed my clothes and I came in the next year with the whole haircut and different clothes and everybody's like what is that like what is going on and then I was like I like girls that was how I was like I like girls I shut down that part of me that even knew that I liked boys because I I did like boys and I just quieted it going through Middle School I'm trying to cultivate this whole identity that I don't even really know what I'm doing and then I'm introduced to other women or other girls that are in middle school that like women and so they're teaching me what to do they're telling me how to do this how to talk to girls what to do what to do and so I had my first sexual encounter at the age of 12 and I started smoking weed hanging out with these people that are that are older than me girls in high school like it was like ninth grade I was in eighth grade and they were telling me about their sexual encounters with girls so on my basketball team I play AAU basketball which is summer basketball every year from eighth grade to 12th grade and so there was a lot of girls that like girls so and there's a culture there's literally a culture of gay basketball players and so I was sleeping with girls on my team I was kissing girls on my team we were all doing things in secret we're having orgies like it was just like that's what we did when we had sleepovers we would go to different states for tournaments and it would just be nasty and Kirsten at any point did you ever feel like this is wrong or God doesn't like this or did you have any concept of God in those moments I really didn't because I didn't know who God was but I knew that it was wrong I knew that it was wrong because I'm like I'm going against my natural like feeling right so I was always like I know I like boys but I'm forcing myself this is forcing I'm forcing I'm learning this behavior I'm learning this because I'm influenced by other people but it's like I'm hiding that that rejection but I knew it was wrong and my grandparents would always tell me I was going to hell and I'm like okay like I'm going I'm going to hell amen like I didn't know I didn't care like it wasn't like okay I don't even know what like what is hell for real I wasn't scared of it it honestly became more blatant I was more open and I was like this is who I am you accepted or I don't and at that point I had already had an attitude problem so I didn't care what anybody else thought of me so I'm like this is who I am you're either gonna accept it or you're not I'm going through high school and I'm trying to fit in I'm trying to tell I'm just really trying to fit in with my basketball team and and the girls there I went to a Catholic High School and I was like that girl that was gay in the Catholic High School and but um I'm not even realizing that I'm pulling other people into this lifestyle like it was a company it was almost like a competition of how many straight girls can you pull into this you know what I'm saying so it was like I boasted in that I boasted in what I look like because I was always told like oh you're so cute and all this stuff so I boasted it in my outside appearance the whole time in the inside I'm breaking but I I just know that I like boys so I picked up this masturbation I pick up this pornography in in secret but it was like I'm gay I'm portraying this gayness to the world I'm a lesbian with a lot of Gay Pride all this stuff be who you want to be love is love but whole time I'm in the room masturbating to straight porn that doesn't even add up I'm going through all these identity issues I'm not getting love from my father I'm not even understanding how I'm supposed to be with the boy or boys don't want to talk to me okay I'm just going to steer myself literally I'm making decisions on how other people perceive me or I'm making decisions on how other people treat me or when I'm not getting so I'm literally moving and creating this identity this person who is not even real like just based on hurt and just insecurity really um when I was 16 was a pivotal moment where my life changed I want to say like forever um my dad passed away unexpectedly and the last time I even saw my father was in a casket at the age of 16 and I'm the oldest of four at this point um and that broke me that actually caused me to be even more numb than I already was um I didn't know who I was anyway but then to take a hit like that and to know that something that just like fell out of my heart that it didn't really I couldn't perceive it I didn't understand it I didn't know what was going on so like losing a parent was hard for me because I'm like okay I already know I didn't have a relationship with him I said so many things that I wish I could have take back I wish I could have did this I wish I could have did that and it hurt me but I was always so unforgiving of him and like resentful to him because I was like you didn't give me what I needed when I needed it like you really couldn't steer my life in a whole different way and I've had to deal with the unforgiveness and the Lord has helped me but to not have a father is is hard especially as a girl because it's like how do I what do I look for a man how do I love a man how does a man supposed to love me so even the little boy is at school really it hurt but it was like we all go through that like we're bullied we're it's like kids are mean because everybody who cares they don't know who they are either but to get that at home first and then go out and be confident and be me no matter what like it really steered me so like I made this Persona out of numbness out of lack um and it hurt it hurt really bad so then to see him laying in a Cascade at the age of 16 and it's already broken it's already don't know what's going on um that hit me deep that hit me deep that led me to so into so many other things um just to hit that my family took seeing my mom like not want to get out of bed or just just traumatize me on it traumatized me it gives me like chills because just it felt like emptiness emptiness in our home emptiness in our relationships Emptiness is just in US and so I remember actually one night um right after my dad had passed I think it was only a few days that I I walked out of my room and I walked upstairs all the lights are off everybody's in their room and I was just like dang it just feels so empty it literally felt like it was cold and um I went to go hug my mom and she just was like just broken just empty so I wanted to go hug her and just ask if she was okay um I was like I don't know what this looks like for us I don't know where we're supposed to go from here but like I love you and I don't want to lose you either so I went back downstairs and I realized that this is where lesbianism and my coping was in women so I text this girl and I was like hey can you come over like I'm really struggling right now like I just want somebody to just lay with me and this breaks me this breaks me so much um she came over I let her in through the back door whatever she was in my bed and my mom comes to the door and she just knocks and she's like hey can I come lay with you and I was like I have somebody in my bed um sorry and it was like I just like chose that um like over comforting my mom like helping her when I knew that she was low but I was like I don't I don't know like this is awkward in the first place this is weird I'm trying to cope in my way and she's trying to come to me it really hurt um I feel like I I took that and it just created a wound that I just lived from I just live from it so it invited like smoking weed just trying to fill anything that I could just to feel better so I went through that year the last year of high school I'm just busy I play basketball and I was like you know what I'm just gonna try to just forget this do anything to forget this so I'm just gonna go do what I need to do finish what I need to finish um and I just picked the random college and they were like hey we like the way you play basketball come and I was like okay and I went because I was like I I feel like I'm depressed but I don't really know what's going on I don't know I've never been depressed before I've always been happy and joyful and loud and all of it so I go to college um I went in with a girlfriend because obviously like that is like my identity now people can look at me and literally say oh yeah she's gay and I was like I was okay with that um because I shut down that old version of me actually liking men um a long time ago went into college with the girlfriend uh I ended up cheating on her I had sex with another girl um and that just kept continuing so I got into a relationship with this with this girl which um was honestly traumatizing it was toxic it was codependent I relied on her for a lot of things which I really shouldn't have and I was honestly breaking I was depressed I had anxiety I was having panic attacks and I was controlling and manipulative and just just a bad person I was an ugly person um living from this womb because I didn't know what was going on I didn't know if it was from not grieving my dad or or what it was like not actually living like for myself um like I was trapped you know Kirsten were the people around you encouraging of this lifestyle was anyone seeing this Darkness you were in or was everyone seeing kind of something different oh everybody was seeing who I was on the outside whether it was like oh yeah she's cute or whatever nobody saw what was actually happening inside until I actually asked for help from my therapist um when I got to college because I couldn't take it anymore I felt like I literally I was suicidal I was just like I don't want to be here anymore I don't want to feel like this anymore but nobody was around me that was like telling me hey like this is wrong or nobody was telling me about Jesus like I realized that everything that I was searching for was in Jesus but I just didn't know so I went through this pivotal just darkness for like the first two or three years of college and I really was suicidal mostly the whole time I stayed because I was just like I don't I don't want to die but I don't want to feel like this so I had a lot of gay friends I'm having sex I'm addicted to sex I'm addicted I'm addicted to masturbation I'm addicted to weed alcohol all you can think of literally like Outlets like their symptoms of something is going on but I don't I can't put words to it but I'm hurting I'm hurting so bad but I'm expected to show up and be a good student I'm still expected to show up and be a good teammate and still be like this great student athlete but I was like man my grades are going down I don't even want to play basketball anymore because I just can't even get out of bed like I don't want to be around anybody I can't even get up to go to class um it was it was dark I actually wanted to drop out of college my mom was like you're not going anywhere and I was like okay I'm gonna finish it like you're paying some all right but it wasn't until I went home after college I graduated and I was addicted to we addicted to porn addicted to women addicted to sex just anything to literally get out of this feeling until actually I had a dream in the dream I'm in an interrogation room and I'm with Jesus on the other side and he lays out in front of me these seven crystals and I'm just looking at them but I'm not scared but I know it's Jesus like I'm just like I never saw Jesus I never knew who he was but I knew that was him on the other side so I'm just like but just like the power in him knowing me I just knew that he could see right through me like he knew everything about me and he laid these seven crystals right in front of me and it was everything that I had ever felt anything that I had ever did or every wrong against me or everything literally every my whole life from when I was born to the age of 21. I'm just looking at him he's looking at me and I'm just looking at these crystals and I'm just seeing my whole entire life which is like a sham to me because I'm like I didn't want to end up like this I didn't want to do any of this stuff I didn't want to hurt the people that I hurt I didn't want to damage a lot of people's lives or pull people into this lifestyle and I'm just looking at all these things and I'm like oh my God my life has been full of pain from this point a lot of emotional pain which was covered up by physical things he as he goes he crushes every single Crystal and it all turns the dust on his table and I'm just like oh like what the what the heck and then the dream's over I wake up and I was like I just had a dream of God in it like I've never I didn't ever even remember my dreams before that I would usually just get high just to go to sleep or drink just to go to sleep like what just happened to me so I'm sitting there and I'm like he just knew everything that I ever did like that was literally my whole life in front of me and I'm like yo what the heck so I went upstairs and I went back I went to the bathroom and I closed my eyes and I'm back into the dream and so I'm back into the interrogation room he's looking at me and I'm looking at him and I'm not scared but I'm just like I could just feel the power and the glory like just the light in him and he reaches his hand out to me he's just like this okay and I just grab his hand and then I I in a dream or like I guess the vision at this point is over and so whenever I like open my eyes my hand is up in the air like this and I just start crying but I was like a cry from the soul like everything was I like I was being freed like it was like oh my God I was just crying like I was just in awe and just like just undone in this bathroom and so I get up I'm like oh my God if I didn't give my life to Christ thing because I didn't know what to do I had this I had this this encounter and I knew God touched me but I was like I don't know what to do so I walked out the bathroom and I was like I feel different though like I always felt different but I couldn't put words to it so I'm still in the world at this point I'm still looking to like not feel what I'm feeling you know so like I was just suicidal the day before like what's going on why am I like why am I like I'm like like I'm I'm Different like I'm like okay I'm gonna get my life together so I'm like I'm gonna do a routine I'm gonna have a routine I'm gonna have workouts to do I'm just gonna try to get my mind right everything that I knew that I could do you know and I'm getting advice from my mom and so she's like well you could do this you could do that you could eat eat better you know I'm like okay amen so I'm getting in therapy at this point and I'm like all right I want to get my life together I'm tired of living like that I'm tired of like just being depressed every single day just trying to have a warm body just to make me feel better just to stimulate me even though I know my soul is crying out for much more I just don't know what can really satisfy me I'm still back in the world so I'm with my friends we're going out we're clubbing still we're still drinking we're still smoking but I'm like this is different like I'm tired of this like I'm getting tired of this life and so one one day I was actually High I was still I literally smoked every single day from the time I woke up to the time I went to sleep and I had another encounter with God and so I put on like some worship music so I was listening to more because I was like I want to know more God like I don't know what I had this urge like I have this yearning to know him I smoke I put on this this Vibe like this worship music and I was like man I was crying because I feel I finally I felt the presence of God when I was high it was like my height just went away I'm sitting I'm basking in the presence of God and I'm crying and I'm like oh my God I did all these drugs I just smoked all this weed I drank all I could drink just to feel this this is what I was looking for but I didn't know what this really was so I'm sitting in the presence of God I'm crying and I feel this thing on my heart it's like my heart was being patched up it's like oh but I couldn't move I was just stuck in the like just stuck in the presence of God and I'm I'm just bawling and bawling but I know like something is touching my chest like I'm being stitched up oh my God so then from there I'm doing like daily devotionals and things so no more Gods I'm like what do I do I didn't even have a Bible I didn't have nobody telling me like oh we can go to this church or nothing I learned from God himself so I'm going doing these devotionals I'm waking up early in the morning just to feel I want to feel this thing right because I'm moving in the realm of emotions I'm in the realm of feeling so I'm like I want to feel that again so God is like showing up every single day he's showing up every morning but he's showing me things that I need to heal from which is one one we really started with the death of my father everything that had had just come from that and we didn't start with my sexuality first he was like No Just Let Me Love You Back to Life let me love you like let me give you Grace like this is what I have done for you so he's telling me Jesus died for me like I'm just like so like through Jesus like I'm just learning I'm learning like this like the basics of the Gospel right I'm like wow so Jesus died for my sin so that I could have life but I die with him so then I could like I'm just like wow this is really crazy this is really crazy so this whole time I'm still in the world right I'm still smoking but I'm still looking for God I'm waking up I'm like Where's God Where's God Where's God I went on a trip with my friends and I'm like y'all like I'm really feeling like I feel this calling like I have to go away from y'all like I have to depart from you guys and they're like what's up like what's wrong with you like I'm like I don't know but God is calling me higher and I'm really sorry but like I gotta go and I was talking to a girl at the time and I even told her like look I don't know what's going on but I gotta go like God is calling me somewhere and I don't know but I just know and I have to like I'm just I'm going to respond and I'm going to say yes like I don't know what's about to happen but yes and so so Kirsten can you clarify was this like instructions you were getting from the Lord or was this just like inner feelings or how did you know you needed to kind of separate so honestly it was like a desire like my heart was changing my desires were changing I did I knew that they weren't leading me to the Lord right so as I'm hanging out as we're talking as we're smoking as we're drinking as we're partying and I'm like says can't oh like it wasn't like you need to tell me you can't be friends with them no more no I was like just just let them know like look like I want God and I just feel like y'all aren't leading me closer to God right but it was easy for me because I already had that heart that was like I don't care what y'all think of me like I already was like y'all can think whatever y'all want to say like whatever y'all want to say y'all can say it it doesn't really it doesn't affect me I already had that like that's how I moved anyway so I let them know that and it wasn't harsh but it was like look y'all not taking me closer to God and I gotta go so God told me I gotta move at my mama's house and I was like what what do you mean I'm only making this much an hour I don't have I cannot support myself on this like you're you're tripping like I was like I know this can't be for me because I would have never thought to do that I was comfortable right where I was at in my mom's house I looked and found an apartment literally in five minutes got it the next day outside lure like you know for reals like I got to come up with this like the security box the first month my mom was like boom you finished College here you go I'm like Yo God is good like I took a step of fake but I didn't know you know like looking back now I'm like I thought that was my step of Faith like I was moving in faith but I didn't know I was doing what the Lord told me I get in my apartment it became a sanctuary like after I moved to indicate like the Holy Spirit resided there I was worshiping literally all the time things were being I was just being cleaned up I was just he was just loving on me until I found I was falling in love with him and I was falling in love with him my desire started to change it wasn't like it was being rough about it it was like he was loving me to the point where he was like just let me love you to be clean like let me teach you how to be holy let me teach you how to be pure and so I desired those things but I was always like Lord like I know this is not right at this point because I'm reading the Bible more I know homosexuality is not right I'm like okay this is not biblical but Lord why do I still feel this way why do I still have those desires why is that still like lodged in me you know like you're cleaning me up you're killing me from so many things I don't smoke anymore I don't drink anymore I have a disciplined lifestyle I fast because he's like I'm looking in the Bible and I'm reading oh I gotta fast okay like I wanna like humble myself before the Lord because I love him I fall in love with him so much as I'm being clean I asked the Lord what about this like you know I'm giving you everything you can touch everything you can see everything you can have whatever you want like I give it to you you can see it you can touch it change it whatever and he's like we don't have we we know we're not there yet we're not to that point yet right and I'm just like okay I'm just let him do his thing I'm sitting in the presence of the Lord I'm getting what I need my daily bread everything like this but it's like I wasn't in church yet I hadn't didn't have anybody around me telling me what to do and I read the Bible and one morning I'm like I don't think I ever give my life to Christ so this is literally six months after right after that initial dream and I was like Lord let me do this so I get on my knees right and I'm like Lord Jesus like I believe that you live that you died like that you Rose again like to give me new life to forgive me in my sins like I repent and that was I actually repented and I was like you was loving me even though I did not yet repent or even give my life to Christ like he was still loving on me you still stepped in when I was in nastiness like in just like ew like I was dirty and you stepped in and you love me to be clean like that's just it was crazy to me so I give my life to Christ I get baptized a few months later and then I got a new job and I met a girl and I was like wow she's cute like whatever whatever whatever she's she's fun to hang out with and all this stuff I was like oh Lord I like it like what what do I do like I like her like I know that you really wouldn't really send me a woman but like why do I feel like this and so I indulged in it right and if I could change it I would change it I'd I'd backlit so hanging out with this girl all the time my devotion time starts to get shorter and shorter and shorter My Worship starts to get like really really small I get quieter and quieter and quieter and I'm just like man I don't feel good I don't feel like I'm I'm back with the Lord and I was like I'm going back and forth with this girl because I'm like I don't know if I should be doing this but I like you so much we're back and forth literally back to the old toxic habits back to the same things that I had did before and so I'm like but I love you and I wanna I wanna date you and I moved here in my apartment and when that thing turned into hell real quick it wasn't even a sanctuary anymore I moved her in and I was like but I was breaking on the inside and I'm turning into this ugly person again because I'm like I'm not where I need to be and I knew it but I still kept doing it and I was into a point where I was numb and I was just like I don't even know how to get back to the Lord like I lost that intimacy I lost that that feeling like that that he just loved me so much I felt like he turned his face for me so that went on for about seven months that we dated and I just was breaking and breaking and breaking and I treated her like crap and I was just like I don't know what to do I don't know where to go at this point I'm just like so numb and and like doubt started to come in unbelief and I just opened the door to so many things depression again I went through a really heavy depression because I was like I don't feel the way I used to feel I don't know what I like I know what I did wrong and I'm living in shame and condemnation and I'm like Lord I'm not even worthy of like anything that you want to give me like I know you stepped in and you cleaned me up already and I feel like I've hurt you and so I stayed away I honestly stayed away I didn't I didn't go back because I was like you know what like I don't know how to come back to you I don't know how to face you I don't know how to come to a father right to ask for forgiveness I don't know how to I never like this this is it's triggering because I never had a dad that I can go to and be like Dad this is what I'm struggling with like I really need you to help me I need you to help me through this or walk me through this or teach me what to do and so I I really stayed away and that hurt me like I felt like I was empty like I was broken and up to honestly like a month or two ago I was finally like you know what I'm so such at a low Point Lord I don't know how to get back to where I was I don't even have to go back to where I was I repented and I was like Father forgive me for even going astray or step out stepping out under your covering I was like I'm sorry but like I just need you like I I don't know what else to do my soul is crying out for you like I am hurting like I need you and like I was I was like I have so much shame and condemnation I don't know how to come to you but I was just crying out because I was like I don't know where else to go I don't know what else to do I know that you're the only one that can satisfy me and I honestly learned a really big lesson for that but I was able to feel his love and his grace because he was like you're still my daughter like I still love you like you stepped out but you came back and I just I was like wow I went up so far off the road and I just kept going because I felt like I couldn't turn around like I felt like The Prodigal Son but it was like I didn't have that aha moment like oh the servants are living better than me like I could go back I got my son I was like no like I don't deserve it like I backslid and I went back into the same stuff I was just in and I felt like crap but I was like you know what I have to do it I have to do it and so I came back and I was like Lord like I need I need your grace again I Need Your Love again like just you don't even have to like I don't have to feel your presence because at that point I moved out of the realm of emotions or I was actually still in the room of emotions because I was still depressed and all that but I was like I don't have to feel you to know that you're here like I'm just declaring things that I'm just asking him like please like I I just want to be forgiven I just wanna I just wanna love you again I just want to know what it is like to be a daughter again so Kirsten even after your fall and then kind of re um igniting your relationship with the father how did he begin to pull you out of that really low place and in this place where you felt like you didn't belong or you weren't even worthy to come back to him how did he begin to pull you to the place where you're at right now honestly I asked him what do I need to do right because I was like I'll do anything like just desperately he was like just spend time with me like man like you come with some such like simple answers like it's just like just loving like you have to do this and this and this now he's like just spend time with me just an hour in the morning again because very because I was off my routine I stepped away from everything working out just keeping my mind writing everything spending time with him I'm reading his word I'm getting to know him through his word at this point right because I just knew him by the way I was feeling as is great but I'm spending time just knowing him through his word his grace like even through stories in the Bible like Prophet Hosea how he was supposed to marry like or he did marry a prostitute and she did whatever she did on him but he still loves her he still I was like yo this is how you love me like this is crazy like I could I'm not saying I would just willingly ghost in and come back but it was like look even if you do stumble you can still come back so God never or at the beginning he didn't confront the homosexuality he just told you to come spend time with him was this God affirming your lifestyle no no no I feel like he wanted to in the secret place that is where we really dealt with it so he wasn't like oh you can do whatever you want to do now like oh yeah love is love no he was like look this just come to me come to me it's more simple than you think like just come to me give it to me but I stepped out I made that decision to go do what I did if I didn't do that if I didn't get in a relationship it probably would have been dealt with in the secret place then like or through all the time that I really I want to say wasted in a relationship it could have been dealt with them but it was that with after I feel like that was probably on his mind like yeah we're gonna we're gonna do this but you walked away so now you got to come back and now we're gonna we're gonna go over it um and I was actually delivered so I was delivered from perversion and lust and homeless sexuality it was it was awkward I didn't know like what was really going on but I was being delivered from this from this demonic spirits so Kristen can you tell me kind of how the Lord has been redeeming your identity now what is that process can you take us into what it even looks like even in your time you know in the secret place the conversations you've been having with God about uh your identity and your sexual identity so um he constantly reminds me that I'm a new creature in Christ Jesus I'm like thank you Lord so I'm just I'm kind of going with the flow and letting him mold me into what he wants to mold me into right so I'm not the person I used to dress like a boy or like look to a certain way so he's just changing my desires he's changing my heart so it's like huh look in that girl thing girls like clothes right so like I would always be the one that would go into the boys side always always and so I'm like looking at girls things like that's cute like going to the store like uh-huh okay and then I'm like maybe I want to like just try what I would look like with makeup you know but it's like he's loving me into these things like I'm not like oh boom let me go put on I never I'm that was never me so he's like go get your nails painted like just go treat yourself you know go go to the store and look at certain things and I'm like okay okay then I start like seeing these men right I'm just like what who like it just was just weird like I literally feel like a 12 year old kid again because I'm like man I see this man he's cute okay interesting but like why if I look at like you know it's just like new to me so I'm just looking I'm like okay but then I'm like thinking about like marriage and stuff like just like little things that he's introducing to me like hmm But even just outside of my purpose as well but just like you you you are like a beautiful woman like you like you are a beautiful woman and so I'm like I want to look like a beautiful woman you know like I don't want to look like how I used to I'm growing I cut my hair for 12 years I have never ever ever really thought of growing my hair out I have long hair now like I'm growing out the sides I've always shaved it I want to grow it out because what he's shown me with the visions that he's shown me of what I look like I'm like I want to look like that like that is who I am he constantly shows me who I am how he sees me like that's really how you see me like even though I look like this right now whatever changing the way I dress just changing the way I sit the changing the way I address people like just my speech and just being more proper instead of like you know are like slang but just like even just being like being more proper um being more gentle and kind because I was always so rough I was always with the boys you know I was always like a boy so I was just like just being more nurturing honestly he's just changing my little like literally my whole nature of who I am who I ever thought I was wow so Kirsten what are some of the things that the Lord has called you and what are some of the maybe labels that he's given you to to now identify with that's not what you're used to virtuous beautiful a daughter that like I am loved I am righteous like that I am Holy for him that I am pure in him um but just really that I'm loved that is really all that I was ever searching for in any relationship even including my father um having to be restored from that that he calls me a daughter because I really never ever felt like one so Kirsten what words of encouragement do you have for the people who are currently in the process that you're in and may be frustrated you know waiting on the Lord to maybe take the uh sexual desires away um for the same sex or might be going through um you know the transforming of their heart what are some words of encouragement for them that may be struggling honestly just to keep seeking Jesus because I I've been well I've been and I am continuously going through fulfilling like the fleshly desires with spiritual things so whenever I felt like oh I want to go have sex I want to talk to this girl or blah blah I pray and I sit there and I just ask the Lord like I seek the Lord but it's like really falling in love with Jesus because I was not just like oh one day I'm gonna wake up and I'm not gonna be a lesbian anymore no it was like the process of just falling in love with Jesus just keeping your eyes on Jesus because it is way easier than you think way easier Kirsten what would you say to people who feel like they need to be completely straight before they come to Christ that's a scam that is a scam because Jesus Christ walked into my life and I was dirty you don't get clean before you get into the shower it's not you don't no that doesn't even make sense no you get into the shower to get clean so it's like you come through Christ and he will love you clean I promise and we are covered under his blood we are clean and purified do you have any advice for young girls um like you who are struggling with their sexual identities and may not really know what to do about it I to go to their parents go to people who are in the Lord who can love them who can who can tell them like hey this is not right but to introduce them to Jesus honestly because even being like a broken little girl it's like you don't want to act out your emotions in that type of way because it is a road that leads to death but to really trust people who love Jesus not I don't want to say don't trust the religious people because I've had my encounters with religious people but it really pushes you away from God so honestly to trust the people who love the Lord for real Kirsten who is Jesus to you ah he's everything he is everything to me he is my savior he's my father he is my friend he's the lover like of my soul like I cannot be anything without I cannot do anything apart from him he is everything like he completes me and I am complete in him there's nothing else that could fill me anything else that could lead me to salvation and like he's everything man everything Kirsten do you have any last words for anybody who may be watching honestly fall in love with Jesus just accept Jesus learn how Jesus is and I promise you that you will fall in love with him you will like I don't feel I don't know I don't know this but anybody that has encountered Jesus I don't think they've ever been the same honestly he loves you he loves you where you are and he will love you until he until you are aware he wants you to be interesting could you pray for anybody watching who may be struggling with the same thoughts or emotions or even their own struggle with identity can you just pray for them yes Lord God I ask you to turn these people's hearts to you father God so that they may know you because you are so good and you're so loving you're so gentle and kind father God that you can restore any broken heart can restore any broken Soul father God so just ask you to show your love go to them Father manifest yourself to them just like you did me Lord Jesus in your in your internal heart and hearts to flesh Lord Jesus create us Anew in Jesus name amen

Info

Channel: Delafé Testimonies

Views: 613,359

Rating: undefined out of 5

Keywords: lgbtq, lgbtq+, homosexual to Jesus, gay to jesus, gay and christianity, Delafe Testimonies, De la fe

Id: jCAoIUEvToM

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Length: 44min 20sec (2660 seconds)

Published: Thu Jun 01 2023