This Could SAVE Your (Future) Marriage | Jordan Peterson Answers on What a Divorce Really Means

that's actually why people get married you know just so you know because this is built into marital vows i'm not leaving ever no matter what it's like okay well that definitely puts a boundary around our arguments right because i can't say every time you manifest one of your flaws which you're likely to do just as often as me well enough of this it's like that's horrible man if your whole life is well every time you get out of line i'm i'm out of here it's like how the hell are you first of all you're not going to admit to ever doing anything wrong second you're going to be on your you're like a like a scared cat the entire relationship because well who knows it could just come to an end at any moment it's like you know people say well if you're if the possibility of divorce is open it makes you free it's like yeah that's what you want you want to be free eh really really so you can't predict anything that's what you're after it's a vow and it says look i know that you're trouble me too so we won't leave no matter what happens well that's a hell of a vow but that's why it's a vow right that's why you take it in front of a bunch of people that's why it's supposed to be a sacred act it's like what's the alternative what's the alternative everything is mutable and changeable at any moment well go ahead you live live your life like that and see what you're like when you're 50. jesus it's dismal two or three divorces your family's fragmented you've got no continuity of narrative it's and it's not good for the kids not by any stretch of the imagination and so it's a form of voluntary enslavement i suppose but it's also equivalent to the adoption of a responsibility and there's more to it than that if you can't run away then you can solve your problems because it might be okay well i'm stuck with you so how about we fix things because the alternative is we're going to be in a boxing match for the next 40 years that's the alternative so and you think you're going to fix problems without something like that hanging over your head there isn't a chance you'll just avoid them because that's what people do it's really hard to solve problems especially in a relationship we're having a fight and i find out that it's you know because you're you were abused by your uncle when you were five or some goddamn thing you know it's like it's very frequent that that sort of thing happens you there's the partner your partner's you know manifesting some weird anomalous behavior you just can't make heads or tails of it it doesn't seem related to what you're doing at all they don't want to talk about it and so as soon as you bring it up they get mad and then you bring it up again they even get madder and they tell you that you're not going to talk about that or they're going to leave and so maybe you're really really persistent because you're kind of a son of a and then they break down and cry you know and then they have this horrible memory that comes flooding forward that's completely you don't know what to do with it and then you have to sort it out it's like you think you're going to do that unless there's a good reason you have to know we better sort this out and we're going to be carrying it around for the next 40 years that maybe is enough motivation so you'll actually try hard to solve a problem it's a lot easier to say well sorry we're not going there but then good you'll have it every day every day every goddamn day for the rest of your life see there's some there's some additional problems with divorce that people don't really grasp when they're young like the idea that you can be divorced once you have children that's kind of a stupid idea because you can't you can find a limited substitute for your initial freedom but if you if you have kids and you try to get divorced the probability that that's going to demolish your life is very very high first of all it's incredibly expensive so one or both of you is going to come out of that poor and your market value has declined let's say you're the woman who takes the kids your market value has declined radically you're going to be poorer the man he's just as screwed because he is now an indentured servant and there's no escape from it so it's and it's not so bad if you can negotiate a peaceful separation and some people can but lots of times if you have a terrible relationship it's not like negotiating a peaceful separation is all that easy but if you're at each other's throats good luck to you i think it's roughly equivalent to having non-fatal cancer it is not pleasant it's a 10-year process 15-year process will cost you 250 000 and it'll tear a big chunk out of your life and also it will really disrupt your relationship with your kids and you know you bring kids into a step parent family they do not do as well step parents are not as good parents as biological parents and the data on that is clear now obviously there are exceptions because there are terrible biological parents and there are wonderful step parents but if you look in aggregate it's not that easy to care for children you need everything you can binding you to them and if there's someone else's children mostly they get in the way of the person that you love let's say you have a child and i want to go out with you every second you spend with that child is the second you don't spend with me and and there's going to be a price for that i'm not going to be happy about that and and if i have a child you're going to feel exactly the same way you might say well no i love children it's like yeah yeah sure sure you do i doubt it you might love your child and and you know it's pretty specific the way that people love children so and the rate of abuse for kids in step parent families is way higher than it is in biological families there's not even any comparison

Channel: Pursuit of Meaning

Views: 172,951

Keywords: motivational speech, motivational video, jordan peterson responsibility, jordan peterson motivation, jordan peterson, jordan peterson clips, inspirational video, jordan peterson speech, jordan peterson advice, wisdom talks, success chasers, thementor, motivationhub, be inspired, motivation madness, wise advice motivation, quotes about life, divorce advice for men, jordan peterson divorce and marriage, how to save a marriage

Id: LpKRdQ8aSUw

Length: 5min 42sec (342 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 06 2021