THIS BOOK IS WORSE THAN TWILIGHT || rant review

okay so before you freak out at the title of the video because you're a Twihard you still stands the series after like hundreds of years I've spend less time than that but whatever I'm not saying toilet is bad I'm just saying that this book is much much worse and I'm gonna tell you why so here's the thing I don't know why I'm reviewing this book for you guys I just read it and it was a giant train wreck and there's some things about this book that evoked very Twilight things and I was laughing to myself because I was like wow this book is so terrible why is it so bad we already had Twilight before this came out because I was under the assumption that this came out in 2013 it did not it came out in 1992 so I wanted to do a review for you guys because this book took the bad like really trashy vampire romance to like a whole other level and I think you guys need to enjoy it because I enjoyed making fun of it while I read it so I wanted to share with you guys my thoughts on a taste of blood wine by Frieda Warrington so let's just go ahead and dive into this review shall we hey guys welcome back to my channel my name is Maddy for new your hope your day's going well so I don't know where to [ __ ] start with this book in all honesty I should probably start at the beginning maybe not that far back as you guys probably know if you've been on the channel for a little while I'm currently writing a novel that has vampires in it and I wanted some vampire books to kind of get me back into the mood because I've started revisions on my novel and they suck if you're wondering but I saw this book at the library the cover as you can see if you can see it is serving some like some real vibes here we got some serious vibe egde going on did it deliver the vampire vibe egde that I wanted absolutely [ __ ] not so what this book is about is basically three characters we've got some really important ones so we've got Carl he's a vampire but also I kept just calling him Carl basically he's a llama that hungers for hands and if you don't know that reference you're too young to be on the Internet and then we've got Christian the vampire that created Carl basically if you took Klaus from the Vampire Diaries and mixed him with Eli from vicious but took all of the good parts out of both of those characters you get Christian and then we've got Charlotte from Charlotte's Web who is a really terrible case of not like other girls itís so those are our three characters bear in mind this book actually came out in 1992 so there's a lot of things about this book that are just not [ __ ] good because of the time period it was written in and it also has a 3.72 rating on Goodreads but it's because the re-release of this book must have either taken it off of Goodreads because there's only like 874 ratings so this is your favorite book I'm so surprised because I don't think really anybody has read this book and if you have and you loved it I'm sorry I am going to tear it to pieces in this review so you should probably leave now if you have problems with people doing that to your favorite books just so you know look I said in the 1920s but is there any reference to the 1920s other than cars no basically it's the one of the weirdest things that I've ever read so the beginning of the book starts with Christian and Karl battling it out on the battlefields of World War one like little insensitive shits Karl is basically like you're not my real day at it to Christian and Christians there's like but I want you to be my Halloween cuz I'm a psychopath um you know Karl's just like I'm not about that life thanks bro go away and they mentioned a girl named Ilona and Christians like I could hurt Ilona and Karl's like I'm not gonna actually tell you who Ilona or what the Ilona is because that would spoil the poorly constructed plot so we'll save that for later keep it keep it in mind keep in mind and in the beginning of the book you actually find out that vampires in this book Canon go into an alternate reality called the crystal ring I kept calling it a [ __ ] ring in my head because that's funny but it's really stupid and probably the most ridiculous piece of world-building I've ever read and I am counting it as worse than sparkly vampires in Twilight like sparkly vampires that can get behind vampires that can go into an alternate alternate dimension where they can travel and teleport no just [ __ ] no just no okay so flash-forward it's 1923 and we are following Charlotte who is a part of the in Eveleigh this is a very interesting book because we actually follow the Neville family for pretty much the whole book as they kind of get introduced to these vampires and Charlotte is our main character our heroine in this book she has two sisters a brother and aunt and a dad that all kind of just don't like hanging out with her because Shirl it's [ __ ] obnoxious she's so irritating all she wants to do is do her science experiments with her dad and really not talk to anyone in the outside world she's just kind of a pain in the ass her on is like you have to do a season which is basically old English version of tender and she's like bo Y and her aunts like you need a husband and she's like bo y her aunts like you're a flat tire you need to get a husband her aunts [ __ ] savage like she's one of the most ridiculous characters in the book and then her younger sister Maddie is an airhead dingbat socialite nuts not [ __ ] kidding you and so Maddie is like oh my god there's this guy and he's so cute and he should come over and he should like go to Daddy's lectures because daddy's a scientist and you're a scientist and we should have him over and so Charlotte is like uh no I don't want strangers in our house strangers are nasty and now I have to go fold 40 napkins for 40 hours because of this conversation that's a little paraphrase but Charlotte is like basically a agoraphobic and has intense social anxiety issues which is really interesting to see in a book that was written in the 90s but the same time her family treats her like absolute garbage for it and that really kind of sucked so we've got Charlotte the main character we've got Maddie her younger sister and we've got Fleur they are basically the discount dollar store version of Brian prejudice if you get my drift Charlotte's spots Carl who is you know hanging out with their family which is very strange to me and he spots Sharla and Charlotte spots him and Charlotte has the same real action that Edward has when he first sees Bella basically looks like she's gonna be constipated and vomit and all sorts of fun stuff but since this is a romance they actually get to talking and they're like hey you're cute I like you because there's no [ __ ] groundwork at all it's like they have one conversation and all of a sudden she wants to bone him it's ridiculous so meanwhile Christian you remember the guy that created Carl he's like hey I think Carl's been gone long enough Pierre who is my favorite character and the only character that [ __ ] matters in this entire book go find Carl for me here goes invites Carl though along with the hungers for hands and he's like damn dude you already in love with this girl you known him for like a week you need to slow the [ __ ] down and Pierre being Pierre being a [ __ ] vampire meets Maddie in the garden when she went to off to look for Carl because she's still in love with Carl and [ __ ] bites the [ __ ] out of her Pierre just like totally nearly kills her and so Charlotte and her family are like uh who would have done this to our younger sister I don't know and Charlotte goes to Carl and it's like hey my family thinks you might have maybe almost killed my younger sister and then she [ __ ] sleeps with him like any you know sensible adult female in the 1920s what and then I read the worst sex scene I have ever read in my life ever like took that award so I'm gonna read this off of my computer but the words that are not allowed to be used in a sex scene from now on do demon a serpent piercing her a sort of flame forbidden dark fruit and so they have sex and then when they're done he's like I hope you weren't sorry and she's like I could never be sorry I was like [ __ ] your jump ages ago you were like agoraphobic and you just got kicked down by a vampire who won't be sorry so Charlotte is already in love with this guy and he's like we can never get married she's like why not you've got magic fruit dicks so obviously I'm in love with you and he's like I can't and she's like are you married and he's like no and he's and she's like are you a monk and he's like whoa escalation no I'm not but we just can't get married and then there's like a subplot where she's supposed to get married to this other dude and he's like yeah we can commit adultery you cool with that and she's like sure whatever you got dick so maybe we should just do that and then they continue to have sex for like a week after this they live in a house with a whole bunch of people and they continue to have sex for every day of the week and no one catches them like what and so Pierre shows up again because he got like I don't remember what happened to hear but Pierre shows back up again and he walks into the Neville house and he's like hi hello I want to talk to Carl Carl's like this is my friend I'll deal with him and everybody's like okay he's [ __ ] weird but whatever and then so Carl goes off and talks to Pierre and then Charlotte's brother David sees Carl bite the [ __ ] out of Pierce neck and David is like hey Charlotte your new friend is kind of weird and like maybe we should meet out with him anymore doesn't think that he's a vampire thinks maybe he's gay but like doesn't understand what happens like saw him bite his neck blood dripping down literally this is the dumbest book ever like the people are confronted with vampires like actual vampire Bella Swan is smarter than all of the characters in this book that's saying something and then so Carl has to go off because you know piers causing some [ __ ] and Christians mad and Charlotte's like if this guy doesn't come back I'm gonna go cray she makes Bella Swan look well-adjusted it's ridiculous she's only known this guy for maybe a month and so Carl comes back because I don't even remember why he comes back but he does and they're like hey you're weird and one guy attacks Carl and Carl's like oh [ __ ] I'm a vampire bites the [ __ ] out of this human guy's neck in front of like 10 people they're like woah what the [ __ ] and then the teleportation thing doesn't work so Carl takes Maddie hostage Charlotte's like no I don't take me hostage and he's like yeah sure and so Charlotte and him shack up and like this abandoned haunted house which is stupid and no subplot that I'm not even gonna get into and just the entire time they're stuck in this house he's like yeah I didn't really need to take you hostage I could have just left and killed everybody but I wanted to tell you what I am because lourve obviously so this is when we get the talk not about sex mind you because they've already done that the vampire talk and this is the part of the book where I was like why is there so many [ __ ] references to Twilight in this there was a lamb wolf analogy there were several just weird things that I was like this seems so close to Twilight I don't know if like Stephenie Meyer read this book and was like yeah Edward came to me in a dream [ __ ] shut the [ __ ] up this was just the weirdest thing that I've ever read in my life it just it took sorry my time I was going off was this is the weirdest but it also had really weird prose - there was weird juxtapositions like he's staring at her intently but distracted he kissed her gently but firmly those are two [ __ ] different things you cannot have both this is not like an Eldorado situation where you can have both of those in the same sentence it doesn't make any [ __ ] sense and so we find out about the alona girl and the vampire talk and Karl's like yeah Ilona's really important to me because she's my daughter yeah so Luna is a vampire she grew up after Karl you know got got turned into a vampire she turned like 22 and Karl's like hey you know how you're gonna die someday I'm actually gonna not let you be human and I'm gonna forcibly change you into a vampire great dude guys right like jesus [ __ ] christ what the [ __ ] and so Karl and Charlotte leave the abandoned house and just escape to the city and Karl's like hey meet me at noon and Charlotte's like yeah I'll do that and then she almost over sleeps it and then she sees him talking to a woman I wonder who it could be and then she dicks off to her sister's house flirt the other sister and then she's like hey I gotta hang out here and slurs that cool I'm a cokehead because that makes complete [ __ ] sons in the 1920s you know vampires and coke it's just hanging out I don't know why I did this that was weird and so she goes to flirts house and Fleur is a socialite she does a lot of drugs and not only that but she has a lot of vampire friends that she doesn't actually know her vampires and then her husband actually creeps on Charlotte gives Charlotte to a pair of vampires to suck her blood and then Carl shows up and I was like I sensed the vampires I sensed you were in danger so I came to save you and Charlotte being a [ __ ] crazy person is like yeah you know I almost died and got raped and you know God attacked by vampires but who's the [ __ ] [ __ ] you were talking to and of course Carl's like my [ __ ] daughter you psychopath so Alona shows up to this party right that they're having at the Fleur cokehead house with all the vampires and [ __ ] and Alona is a [ __ ] for no reason at all other than the fact that she's got massive daddy issues she rips fleurs throat out yeah so she rips fleurs throat out she's killing people left and right David Charlotte's brother shows up and chops the [ __ ] head off of Carl like his his head not anything down below his legitimate head and at some point in the vampire talk Carl told Charlotte the only way to kill a vampire is to actually chop off their head and so we're about 200 pages to the end of the book maybe 100 pages send me a book and the love interest gets [ __ ] murdered not expecting that at all like not well holy [ __ ] what if this book just you oh my god that was so [ __ ] cool you would think it would be cool but this ain't it chief we still got somewhere to go so remember Cristian the kind of crazy creator of all the vampires yeah so he really [ __ ] loves Carl and so he manages to regenerate Carl's body from his head down I know what in the [ __ ] Deadpool hell is this like I just don't [ __ ] get why this book was written this way like know if you ever wanted to know what happens to Deadpool when he regenerates apparently they just grow an entire new body but yeah I'm just gonna stop it there I don't even know how or why I'm doing this review but I am and I just wanted to like give you guys my kind of in the moment thoughts because I wrote a lot of notes and I was just like cannot believe the train wreck that this book is it was beautiful and amazing at how [ __ ] terrible this book was and there were so many interesting things that I was like I recognize Twilight and I recognize the Vampire Diaries but this book is so [ __ ] bad that I would just could not understand why other books came out of it like I was like who read this and was like oh my god this is [ __ ] amazing like I'm so happy that Karl isn't in my life oh yeah so I don't really have any thoughts on it other than that it was hilariously terrible if you guys liked this review if this ends up actually on the Internet's at some point uh I'm so glad and I hope you enjoyed and let me know what books you want me to read and review next in the comments down below I'm gonna go now guys like subscribe we'll go stop by [Music]

Channel: The Book Pusher

Views: 25,202

Rating: 4.920434 out of 5

Keywords: books, booktube, booktuber, bookish, book reviewer, bookseller, rant review, the salt block, a taste of blood wine, book review, library book

Id: agJ1VfNdQ3w

Length: 15min 36sec (936 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 21 2019