after | a rant review

oh [ __ ] how do I want to start this how do you start this what am I doing with my life oh my god everything shaking are you stressed I'm stressed today we are doing the thing the thing the thing you know I'm talking about the thing that many of you have not shut up about I said that Bluff for a long long time I'm already sweating this video it's gonna be just a bad bad decision I forgot how to start these let's try one more time hit the floor three two one somebody asked me how much I spend on post-it notes the answer is I don't know but the expense is necessary especially when I'm reading books like this I don't know what the [ __ ] I'm saying welcome back i'm kat this is a video that you clicked on by your own will and choice welcome to it this video if you didn't read the title is going to be a review of a little book called after by Anna Todd it's also full disclosure it gonna be a rant review if you're not interested in watching this because you don't want to hear negative opinions about this book don't but before we get started because you all scare me a few disclaimers one I don't hate inna Todd I also don't hate Wattpad as a concept some of the stuff that comes out of what hat is truly concerning but Wattpad itself what else who cares I read the Anna Todd wrote a lot of this book kind of on the go when she had time like in the line at the grocery store or whatever something like that and honestly I think that's actually kind of admirable she decided she wanted to write a book she wrote the damn book she got it published on Wattpad and then traditionally and then she got a frickin movie deal so credit where credit is due obviously I don't like the book but that doesn't mean that I don't like the person or I don't respect the person who wrote it or okay alright thank you second disclaimer look into my eyes see my face I don't really care if you do or don't like this book like what you like okay it's not my intention to come on here and tell you what you can and can't enjoy people like things for very specific sometimes even though I may not feel the same way if you have a reason for liking this book cool like it I'm here to share my opinion about a book I read with my own two eyes and I feel this way about it you can feel whatever type of way about it you want to disclaimer number three this is the Edition that after by Anna Todd that I read I did not read the Wattpad edition I also have not seen the movie I can't speak for the Wattpad version this is the one that i'm quoting from unless stated otherwise and this is the one that i can speak about because this is the one that i read josiah dimension that because i know that some people have read the one online and some people have read this one and i don't know how different they are okay great ah the table of contents for this specific review will go writing and plot then characters then other stuff which is basically codeword for like the romance because that's kind of a big part of this whole thing let us start talking about the writing what is there really to say I enjoy reading fanfiction at some moments in time it's a thing that is fun to do but I mean this is a one direction Harry Styles fan fiction it is what it is which is not good also known as pretty bad part of that comes in the writing you dear viewer can find various nuggets of gold in after such as um quoting time sentences in excruciating detail completely unnecessary to anything ever like this one on page for the moment I stuck into the spray of shower water so the tension leaves my strained muscles and standing here under the hot water trying to calm my mind but really doing the opposite and I get so distracted that by the time I finally wash my hair and body I barely have enough hot water to run a razor over my legs from the knees down actually I was hasty this does establish something important to the book tasin knows that she needs to tell us how she shaves her legs because anybody and I mean anybody who shaves their leg above the knee he's a [ __ ] this is the first point in which Tessa establishes that she is not like other girls and therefore she is not a [ __ ] so that's a very essential scene example number two quality metaphors like this one on page eighty my ass can't well as I put my fork into my mouth the metal reminds me of hardens lip ring and I pause for a moment no it catches this too and looks at me with questioning eyes no I don't know about you but when I read fork to lip ring metaphor I was a changed person let's go with that example number three sexy times if you can call them that like this one on page I can't find it 278 context this is Tess's I think first [ __ ] whatever she's getting harden a [ __ ] this is um the lovely writing that were given for many of the intimate times in this book okay ready set go harden starts of course I want you I've wanted your lips around me since I first saw you I'm oddly flattered by his crude remark but then he asks are you sure though have you ever even seen a dick before of course I have not a real one but pictures and once I walked in on a neighbor watching a naughty movie I tell him and he stifles a laugh honestly same pardon says sometimes your innocence just throws me off a bit but with that being said it's a huge turn-on that I am the only one who has ever made you come yourself included oh my god okay this is where the act the sinful act truly begins come close take your jeans off he instructs and I nod before I'm buttoning them and sliding them down my legs feeling brave I pull my shirt over my head and toss it aside harden takes his lip between his teeth and I move back down in front of him I can feel my eyes widen and hear my own gas as hardens manhood comes into view wow it's big much bigger than I expected she thinks to herself how am I even going to get that in my mouth keep it okay we're good I stared for a few seconds until I reach out and touch it with my index finger harden chuckles I want to pause here for a second we're gonna go back but like I want to pause here because I hate the word chuckles and like seeing it in this context my butthole clenched thank you what should i do first I stutter I mean Tim by the size of him but I want to do this and then we're not gonna read all of this cuz you don't deserve this we're talking about how softest dick skin is she realizes that she's poking him like a science experiment I was like wow that really sums it up we get to the part where he comes I look up at him keeping him in my mouth I love the way he is losing control because of me [ __ ] keep looking at me his body tenses as he watches me I bat my eyelashes giving the full effect I gag and pull back it didn't taste as bad as I thought it would but it definitely doesn't taste good and then she asks and how it was so that's the kind of romance that you have to look forward to I was cringing I don't know about you and I want to clarify my cringe doesn't come from the fact that Tessa is a virgin or an experienced more the writing of the scene is a god-awful other details that I want to highlight because I was too into the reading first of all she poked his dick like poked it second of her she walked in on her neighbor watching the naughty movie what neighbor what movie what was the situation like when where why huh weird detail have you ever even seen a dick before is also something that I feel like yeah last thing about the writing there is also an aggressive amount of repetition in this book Anna Todd would find a word to describe a person place or thing person and she would run with it and she ran far she ran a goddamn marathon with some of these words for example the word rude or jerk is almost like interchangeable with the name hardened whenever I see the word rude or like rude boy or mr. rude I was like oh so hardened okay great secondly the term gentle assault is used in a lot of the kiss scenes or the boob squeeze scenes or just the general sexy time scenes I have been told that this is a classic romance thing but I had never noticed it before I granted I don't read a ton of romance to be fair but like it really was apparent in this book the word assault being so closely linked with things that were supposed to be like hot and heavy it's gross there were others I'm sure I was truly going to count them but I didn't count them as I went and I started to count them after the fact when I was taking my things and putting them into notes I got tired if I like Chapter eleven there were too many it just it was rough second part of this video plot now this is where we're gonna get in spoilers when I was looking at the year that this was written on Wattpad and I was looking at the year that it was published traditionally by Simon and Schuster I found this article that I would love to quote at this moment in time it really just sums up the plot and what I have to say about it I quote from The Business Insider article from July 28 2015 starting in April 2013 she wrote and published after one chapter at a time on Wattpad without any outlining or planning for the plot um okay it shows listen people this is after to me one page is too long 582 pages about a character and her love interest that I think are hmm for lack of a better term hot garbage way too long I wouldn't even want to read 582 pages about a couple that I did like we're gonna talk about this a little bit later but the repetitive cycle of this book and this relationship was truly mind-numbing and part of that is because it was this freaking long but summon up for you Hardin and Tessa first they meet they meet I'm literally page nine then Tessa starts to be intrigued by Hardin then once she realizes that he's a massive douche she's like oh I can't he's toxic I can't be near him but then after trying for a while I guess to ignore her feelings for him they start to go to this back and forth things like friendship and romance and friendship and romance them like I can't be friends with you we'd have to be together because I just have to put my dick inside you and then romance to fighting to romance to fighting it continues for so long someone gets pissed starts shouting then it's fine and then we're shouting and they were fine shouting fine shouting fine shouting fine and I'm like wait and this goes on for like this long okay a long time I'm backing up to show you how long this went on for so long we're so long the most upsetting part about the plot though is that at the end of the book in Chapter 97 the twist I guess if you could call it that a curse not only does it make the entire book even more disgusting it also makes all of the back-and-forth that tests it in heart and subsequently the reader have to suffer through pointless worthless other word that ends with less I'm gonna read a bit of chapter 97 to you to give you a rundown on what happened everything is happening too fast for me to comprehend I'm confused and when I look around the room I see that I'm surrounded by people who have taunted me no matter how hard I tried to fit in with them and I know that I can't trust a single one of them she asks harden to tell her what's happening I will tell you outside harden says his voice low I look into his brilliant eyes which seem wild with desperation and confusion I don't know what is going on but I do know I don't want to go anywhere with him no you tell me here in front of them so you can't lie I'm sorry he holds his hands out in front of him Tessa you have to remember that this was way before I even knew you she says tell me he says that night that second night the second party you came to when we played truth or dare and Nate asked if you were a virgin he closed his eyes as if to gather his thoughts you said you were and that gave someone an idea gave who the idea of Mollie interrupts never have I loved a character so much make him tell the truth go Mollie me gave me the idea he admits but it could be fun to make to make a bet no I choke and step backward I didn't believe it when he claimed he won even with the condom Jay Snickers enjoying the show so let's break that down it means that harden after Tessa and he had sex for the first time kept the condom and showed it to everybody moving on right me either the sheets though I mean how can you deny blood on the sheets Molly laughs he also kept the sheets the ones that had Tessa's bad blood on them and showed those to his friends also which is very very great healthy and normal hmm harden takes another step baby please say something don't you dare call me that how could you do this to me I have so many things in my head to say but they just won't come out I know I messed up he begins you messed up ice cream why just tell me why why me you were there he says ladies this is it this is this is it and a challenge I didn't know you Tessa I didn't know that I would fall in love with you I do love you Tessa I love you more than anything I was going to tell you I tried to get them not to tell you so he tried to have his friends not tell her the truth because what if it never came out like it would be okay I don't know what I don't know I never wanted you to find out that's why I was out all night getting them to agree not to say anything I was going to tell you soon now that we live together because then it wouldn't matter if anything I feel like it matters more but like maybe that's just me in the old-fashioned ways I know I don't have any excuse but you have to forgive me we can figure this out he says Tessa please you know I love you I know you do let's go home please and I will tell you everything so that's all I highlighted basically after that she storms out of the bar restaurant I don't remember where they were they were in some public place she storms out she runs into Zed who is a side character we'll get to him in a second he was also in on this bet but anyway she runs into him and she demands that he take her away from this place leaves Harden I think on his knees on the ground much like good riddance and she rolls off with Zed and demands that he tell her everything so all of the relationship drama and like the back and forth and the I love yous and the whatever it's all slaughtered by the fact that Harden and his friends specifically hardened came up with this bet to see who out of their friend group Zed or Harden and possibly other people I don't really now could take Tessa's virginity first which is you know messed up okay yeah the ending itself the fact that she leaves hardened and tells him you know to stay away from her I was like yes you go girl however of course the ending is dulled for me by the fact that there are three more books not including before which I believe is hardened story from like before after Cakes plays I think but anyway there's more books which means more contact which means that they're gonna get back together also there's just the impending knowledge with series like these and books like these also the fact that I like know for a fact because I have some proof let me get there that they get together so even though Tessa leaves him for a while something happens could I tell you what no because I rina but somehow harden convinces her to take him back I'm not just saying this because I can feel it in my heart and soul which I can and it makes me sad but I actually read it ha this is the part where I'm gonna quote from not the book after and we're gonna go on a little foray to Wattpad together I was trying to figure out how they got back together didn't quite get there because I got distracted by this but then this was like the nail in the coffin for me and I was like oh my god it's over let's read together this is a quote from after book three on Wattpad written by Anna Todd this is not the traditionally published thing it could be different in the final form but this is where it began I guess backstory they just were having sex on a sink and then they had a conversation that had a bunch of like context that I didn't get because I didn't read the whole book because that [ __ ] was 295 chapters and I loved myself and this is kind of starting in like the middle of the conversation but it'll get there in a minute I don't know what to say this is hardened that you forgive me she nervously whispers I forgive you of course I laugh at her is she insane of course I forgive her do you forgive me for everything or close to everything yes she nods reaching for my hand now I really don't know what to say I run my hand over my hair maybe that you still want to marry me her eyes are wide and mine feel as if they are going to pop straight from the sockets what you heard me she flushes marry you you hated me like ten minutes ago great indication for how their relationship goes just wanted to say that she's truly going to be the death of me actually we were having sex on this counter ten minutes ago she points out you actually mean that you want to marry me I can't believe that she's saying this there's no way in hell she's saying this have you been drinking I asked her trying to recall if I could taste any liquor on her tongue no I had one glass of champagne over an hour ago I'm not drunk I'm just tired of fighting this we were inevitable remember she mocks me using a terrible English accent nailed it I kissed her mouth silencing her we are the least romantic couple that's ever been you know that right I asked her my tongue swiping over her soft lips I love how this book intentionally or unintentionally like calls itself out at least its self-aware I guess romance is overrated realism is in she quotes a line for my latest novel I love her I love this woman so much marry me really you will not today or anything but I will think about it she times down from the counter adjusting her dress you'll change your mind I know you will I adjust my clothing trying to understand everything that's happening in this bathroom Tessa is somewhat agreeing to marry me holy [ __ ] I may but I may not she shrugs smiling at me in Vegas let's go to Vegas right now I dig into my pocket and pull my keys from my pocket no way I'm not getting married in Vegas you're crazy we're both crazy who gives a [ __ ] no way Harry why not I plead taking her face between my palms Vegas is a 15 hour drive she says something closer than so you won't change your mind I try to wager she glances at me then at her own reflection in the mirror I need to think about this I only decided two minutes ago I can see the details rummaging through her mind I don't think that's the correct word that like okay I'm sorry I'm just editing as I go my god she's overthinking granted this is marriage so that's understandable I agree I obviously wish she would think more don't you think a 15 hour drive is long enough to think about it I jump pulling the chair away from the door yeah I guess so she shocks me by saying the end so let's unpack that for a second they were gonna sink and then she said marry me he said huh she said marry me he said okay and then she was like wait I don't know if I actually want to do this and then he was like well let's drive to Vegas it's 15 hours you can make your decision as we go and she was like yeah I guess so yeah I guess so yeah I guess so yeah I guess so and I said huh come again if you ask somebody to marry you and then they said yeah I guess so rethink that try again yeah I guess so not yes absolutely my love I would love to marry you let's do it now I'm 100 percent sure I want to spend the rest of my life fighting and then making up weirdly with you not like oh my god I love you so much hardened ooh thing to say I love you I'm unclear she says what it were inevitable and then yeah I guess so that doesn't sound very convincing to me and I feel uncomfy this is the [ __ ] that keeps me up at night oh I'm stressed I don't even care about these characters and you know I'm still stressed because yeah I guess so huh that's it for plot really I mean like I could go into the details about the different like back and forth that Harden and Tessa have but I feel like we're gonna get into that more with like the romance talk so I'm not gonna even bother the big thing was the end thing and then all so the fact that she said yeah I guess so to marriage and I'm sad about it I'm really fat even though I don't like her I'm sad I feel like she deserves better I know that she deserves but I don't even feel it I know it let's move on to characters huh yeah I guess so we have three sections I guess I don't know how I really did the first of all side characters the side characters honestly can all be lumped into like one section because they're very easy to talk about because they serve little to no purpose in the actual like grand scheme of things really at least not in this first book you got Nate step Tristan Jace Zedd Landon Ken Karen I don't even know I feel like I'm missing people I probably am because they were just that forgettable they're written only to warn tes away from hardened or push the two of them together they're all created with the intention to create drama between or surrounding the main couple and that's literally it like that's the only reason that they are all they're really examples Steph has Tessa's roommate she warns Tessa to be careful around hard and more than once one of the first times is on page 90 and this is a pretty clear example of like kind of what the other side characters were doing here and what stuff was doing here Steph says he is a pretty active guy he doesn't do it to be mean or use girls they pretty much throw themselves at him and he lets them know from the start that he doesn't date I think you could have a lot of fun with Harden but I also think that this could be dangerous for you unless you know you will never develop any sort of feelings for him I would stay away I have seen a lot of girls fall for him and it's not pretty second example is one that I don't have the quote for but I wrote it here Zed is the guy that Tessa could have ended up with this relationship that Zed and Tessa have sparks a lot of the fights between Tessa and hardened hardened is seemingly jealous but then as we realize that that was also a participator in this bet it becomes clear that Harden was just concerned about losing the money which makes it you know truly more messed up than it was before so is that in Tessa kiss but Tessa says hardens name accidentally which causes her to go running back to harden and tell him that she loves him for the first time and that's again just kind of a clear example of like what these characters do like Zed's purpose was to create drama between Tessa and harden and then ultimately Tessa would kiss him and then say hardens name and then she would go running to harden and then it would be oh my god I love you and they would go off on their merry not really way character number two is Carol I would like to pose a question first why are all the shitty book moms named Carol it wouldn't be a cat video if she didn't hold up radio silence anyway Carol is Tessa's mom it's impossible I think to read this book and not hate Carol objectively she is the worst because she was meant to be the worst she was written with like a clear plan in mind for her to be an atrocious person to prove to you this because that's what I'm all about here's how we meet Carol well we meet her before this but this is like the first good quote from page 10 this is after Tessa goes to her dorm room she sees harden for the first time they don't really interact but they like meet on page 9 so after he leaves and stems and I think whoever else was there I don't even know Carol says you're getting a new dorm no I can't I sigh it's fine mother I don't know how well this will work out either but the last thing I want is my overbearing mother causing a scene on my first day of college I'm sure she won't be around much at all anyway I try to convince her along with myself absolutely not we are going to switch now her clean appearance clashes with the anger in her face her long blonde hair is flipped to water shoulder yet every curl is still perfectly intact you will not room with someone who allows men in like that those Punk's at bat first of all and we're gonna touch on this again later in the video Carol really needs to up her insult game her name calling is subpar at best so she's introduced as his overbearing mom it was clear almost instantly that Tessa's internalized sexism and slut-shaming that happens so often throughout this book is a product of being brought up by Carol because Carol is someone who allows men in like that those pugs at that you know and there are other quotes like this where Carol picks that Tessa's appearance or says something about the people who she chooses to spend your time with etc etc my personal favorite though comes from page 531 this is post Tessa and Hart and moving in together Carol comes to Tessa's apartment and has some words with her fighting words Tessa starts to tell her off and here's how it starts her eyes light up a challenge and her voice is full of venom and she says well for starters you could have at least changed your clothes before I came honestly Tesla you look like hell as I look down at my pajamas she switches to a new criticism and what is this you wear makeup now who are you you're not my Teresa that is for certain my Teresa wouldn't be hanging out in some devil worshippers apartment in her pajamas on a Friday night devil worshipers punk was bad devil worshiper I repeat what I said before up the name-calling game because it's God Tyr awful if some middle-aged woman called me a devil worshiper I'd stare her straight in the face and say say it again louder this time she continues and says you do not speak to me that way she screams and steps close so you think just because you got yourself a fancy little apartment and put some eyeliner on that you're suddenly a woman honey I hate to break it to you but you look like a [ __ ] living with someone at 18 so okay there's that internalized sexism that Tessa so clearly picked up from her mom the apple doesn't fall far from the tree Carol's the worst Tessa's the worst but Tessa gets from Carol what's Carol excuse my ultimate point though is that Carol is unfortunately for the reader and I guessed Elsa too she's terrible from the first scene because if she wasn't this way it would be easier for the reader and for Tessa to see the difference between how harden loves Tessa and how you know somebody else would love Tessa so obviously her mom has to be that to make hard and look like the superior option but the fact that Anna Todd had to write Carol has so blatantly horrible only to me shows how difficult it must have been to write somebody who was actually worse than Hardin Scott himself character number three Molly like Tessa's mom all his entire reason for being in the story is just to be like the most loathsome person on the planet we meet Molly as Tessa walks in on her and Hardin at the first party and this leads Tessa to scrunch her nose and go Harbor an intense and unjustified hatred of Molly now I'm not gonna sit here in the claim that Molly is the nicest person in the book because she's not but also she was never given the chance to be a fully-formed character or like a kind human being and leave me to my comments on Tess's [ __ ] shaming her internalized hatred of other girls who are not herself the overarching theme in this book that Tessa is not like other girls Tesla herself says it Hardin says it Zed says it so many people are like Oh Tessa you're not like other girls like these [ __ ] over here like these [ __ ] Tessa's like I know I dress conservatively I shaved below the knee this whole narrative throughout this book that Tessa is better than these other girls allows her to justify her intense hatred of all girls but specifically this one with insults like examples here quote from page 57 how dare Molly tell Hardin to kiss me she knows that I have a boyfriend it never matters to her not a single goddamn time unlike her I don't go around making out with everyone page 193 I don't care how good she looks or how skanky Molly is dressed she's so irritating with her stupid pink hair and her skanky clothes she is a [ __ ] and I don't really like her I don't think I've actually ever called anyone a [ __ ] even in my head at this point I was livid who still uses the word skank I read the word skank in this book more times than I have ever heard it in my entire 19 years on this planet page 205 so where is Molly I asked at a skanks R Us sale sick burn page 309 we both turn around to see Nate and Molly walking toward us great Molly she is wearing a tank top and a red leather skirt it's only Tuesday and she's already almost used up her skank quota for the week she should save that stuff for the weekend first of all she should save that stuff for the weekends like that would stop you from hating it second of all she's wearing a tank top and a skirt it's not like she's walking around in the nude last one page 318 this is when Hardin Tessa are fighting and so Hardin is with Molly he's like out with Molly and Tessa is like out with Zedd and so they're like making nasty I thought each other across the room and Hardin who's got Molly on his lap and Tessa's like curled up next to Zedd so she's being a total hypocrite here if she says I lean in a little closer yet to Zedd hardens eyes draw two slits but I ignore him Molly is still perched on his lap like the [ __ ] she is Tessa's internalized monologue about other girls throughout this book it's truly some of the most unsubtle [ __ ] that I've ever read I have read plenty of books in my time that have had something along these lines of what we just uncovered but like it just was relentless in this book it remains unquestioned and unchallenged for the entirety of the story for again no reason that I can find any way other than war Tessa to be able to place yourself above these other girls which is um you know yeah you know kind of a like a little messy we are on the last part oh my god this has been in so long now I bet you're wondering we'll wait Kat what about the two most important characters Harden Scott and Tessa young there's not really much to say about them individually because uh they meet like I said before on page nine of 582 and from page nine of 582 I'm never gonna let you forget that their characters are not really developed outside of each other I mean like outside of the stereotypical things that they embody for harden it's you know troubled possessive bad-boy lip ring skinny jeans Tessa is pure virgin conservative dress planner that's a big part of her character is her goddamn planner how many times did we hear about her freaking planner in this book too many times that's for sure because they are very poorly developed it's time to talk about their relationship we can start this by saying I think that a large part of why hard and in Tessa's relationship is so messed up to me at least is because of the amount of romanticization that it receives and again I'm not here to tell you what you can and can't like but I have seen a lot of people say things such as you know he's a complex person or he gets better in the four books I'm judging book number one I have read book number one I think that in a series each book should be able to be judged by themself you should not have to read four books in order to understand a character and see how they're a good person other things I've seen Tessa changes him and he actually loves her hmm fun counter-argument to that it's not her job to change him it's not one person in a relation shifts job to fix the other person now that's just my opinion you obviously are entitled to your own if you think that you should enter a relationship and have the responsibility to fix your partner of their issues do what you wanna but like to me that's not love Harden may be a complex person with some background issues but guess what Harden we've all got problems okay you're not special deal with them like the rest of us without taking it out on the people around you and being a complete insert word of your choice here I feel like I'm just throwing out facts but maybe you disagree I didn't know how to like encompass everything that I read into like a short statement so I picked out some quotes Laura we're gonna read them together this is not new to you I think that they highlight some of the more horrible things that happen some of the cyclical nature of heart and and Tessa is back and forth so now on to the goods obviously it couldn't include every instance this is only a handful in which Hartnett Tessa where Hardin and Tessa sorry if you can hear the shower that just went on um page 70 you have their first kiss a little backstory and my first point turn the page back previous to the scene Tessa was in a room she locked herself in because she was at a party at hardens frat house she locked herself in with a guy who was drunk and sleeping she wakes up to find him on top of her she almost gets sexually assaulted this causes her to run to hardens door bang on it say let me in help me he opens the door and then they go in and then they kiss so the potential sexual assault will push Tessa towards Hardin which then started the first kiss like that to me is gross now let's get to the actual kiss part I have no idea what I'm doing but I can't stop as my lips touch hardens I feel his sharp intake of breath I can feel the cold middle of his lip ring on the corner of my mouth essential detail I have never kissed anyone like this not even Noah let me just tell you I highlighted the first bit here all this all this is I'm kissing and she thinks about Noah up here Tessa conveniently randomly forgets that she has a boyfriend who loves her and respects her and so then she'll start thinking about him it's really like oh shoot I have a friend and then she'll just continue to do what she does anyway so she thinks about Noah she realizes oh my god I have a boyfriend she says pardon stop he doesn't stop which is the first red flag of many pardon I say again and my voice is clear and sharp he lets go of my hair we can't I say the softness in his eyes disappears and he pulls himself up knocking me on to the other side of the bed I'm sorry I'm sorry I say sorry for what he says and walks over to his dresser for kissing you I say I don't know why I did it it was just a kiss people kiss all the time I hear him say dog wants to leave she doesn't want to hear this [ __ ] either can we not make a big deal out of it then I asked trust me I don't want anybody to know about this either no stop talking about it he snaps and there's his arrogance again so now you're back to your old self I see I never was anyone else don't think because you kissed me basically against my will we have some sort of bond now ouch against his will I can still feel the way his hand gripped my hair the way he pulled me on top of him and the way his lips mouthed tests before kissing me again I stood up off the bed you could have stopped me hardly he scoffs and I feel like crying again he makes me too emotional it's too humiliating too painful how he's basically saying I forced him to kiss me I bury my head in my hands for a moment and head for the door once he is rejected by her he turns snaps at her and tells her that she basically forced him to kiss her although like she says he pulled her on top of him and kissed her back a second time am i saying that she should have kissed him without asking no it's a two-way street here consent is consent but the immediate like snap - oh you forced me to kiss you I didn't watch you is well this moment begins the trend of excusing cheating gaslighting your lover Carrie here yay romance is dead let's continue page 85 and then he's standing over me looking down at where I am on my bed he grabs my literature notes and turns them over a couple of times exaggeratedly like he's staring at a rare artifact I reach up for them he lifts them higher and I stand to swipe at them but he tosses them in the air and they fall to the ground in a scattered mess pick those up I demand he smirks okay okay but just grabs my sociology notes and does the same thing to them I scramble to pick them up before he steps on them but it only funny to him Harden's stop I yell as he does the same thing with the next stack infuriated I stand up and shove him away from my bed are we five whatever he steps toward me and grabs my wrist pushing me back against the wall his face is inches from mine and suddenly I'm aware I'm breathing way too hard I want to scream at him - get off me - let me go I want to slap him to make him leave but I can't I'm frozen against the wall seconds feel like hours and finally he removes one hand from my wrists but the other is large enough to hold both for a second I think he might slap me and then they kiss so uh the next part of this section is on page 334 he stops in front of me move I beg he is dangerously close to me and I know what he is going to do as he moves in to kiss me I try to back away from him but his strong hands pull me closer holding me in place his lips touched mine and his tongue tries to push through my lips but I refuse he eases his head back slightly kiss me back test he demands no I push at his chest tell me you don't feel the same and I will go his face is inches remind his breath hot on my face I don't it hurts to say the words but he has to go yes you do he says his tone desperate I know you do I don't pardon I neither do you you can't possibly think that I bought that he lets go of me you don't believe that I love you of course not how stupid do you think I am he stares at me for a second before he opens his mouth and closes it again you're right he says what he shrugs you're right I don't love you so there is another example first of all it harden like physically forcing her into kissing him secondly of like that zero to a hundred they're making out and then she says something that pisses him off and then he's like let's throw it back in her face next instance is on page 421 [ __ ] a loud thud wakes me up I don't upright and turn on the lamp to find a stumbling heart and trying to navigate the dark room what are you doing I ask him when he looks up at me his eyes are red and glassy he's drunk great I came here to see you he says why I whine I want him here but not drunk and at 2:00 in the morning because I missed you then why did you leave because you were annoying me I'm going back to sleep you're drunk and you're obviously going to be mean again you should just go I say and live down turning to face the wall I don't like this Hardin I want my semi-sweetheart and back not this drunk jerk Oh baby don't be mad at me he says but I ignore him do you really want me to go you know what happens when I sleep without you he says just above a whisper Hardin has nightmares about his troubled past and so he only sleeps well when he's with Tessa but he's again using this against her to manipulate her he's using something that he knows will hurt her or pull at her heartstrings or whatever to make her do what he wants because then she goes my heart sinks I do know what happens fine you can stay but I'm going back to sleep I love you he says and brings his eyes to meet mine his simple words dissolved most of my anger and I find myself wanting his arms around me so you know last seen he said he didn't love her to mess with her this scene he says he does love her to mess with her back and forth and back and forth and back and forth this is manipulation that its finest friends we allotted so much next up is the hardened would never physically hurt me thing multiple times in this book Tessa has to say to herself or others that Hardin would never physically hurt her even though he's violent towards other people and their possessions with reckless abandon here are the quotes first one is on page 172 she's talking to know if she just got back from going to hardens house where he was like breaking [ __ ] I don't know he wasn't being violent he was just drunk he wouldn't hurt me I say and cover my mouth desperately wishing I could push those last words back in what do you mean he wouldn't hurt you you don't even know him Tessa he snaps and takes a step towards me I'm just saying that he wouldn't hurt me like physically I know him well enough to know that but Hardin would hurt me emotionally he already has I'm sure he will try again and Here I am defending him we're gonna circle back to that in a second I just want to read the other quote it's on page 476 after Hardin gets done with beating the [ __ ] out of this guy at a bonfire like totally wrecking him I don't make a move to walk toward him I know how angry he is at me I can tell I am Not Afraid of Hardin the way I probably should be even though I just witnessed him completely losing his temper in the worst way possible I know that he would never physically hurt me go inside harden yells and I immediately know that he is talking to me the anger is radiating off him and I can't even be angry with him because all of this is my fault he surprises me by grabbing the towel for my hands and I flexibly jump back a little god dammit Tessa you always have to push and push I told you to stay in my room multiple times and what the did you do who didn't listen as usual why is it so damn hard for you to listen to what I say he yells and slams his fist against the side of his dresser cracking the wood obviously he has no qualms with inflicting injury on other people also he clearly has no issue with being violent around Tessa also if you go back to the scene with Noah when she says but harden would hurt me emotionally he already has she literally acknowledges that he emotionally hurts her and I'm just like I'm sitting there barbeque sauce on my titties thinking to myself physical abuse isn't the only kind of abuse huh interesting next is just another casual example of just a big red flag on page 501 I love you he says as I put our plates into the dishwasher I turn and respond I love you just as my phone vibrates loudly on the wood table Harden looks over and taps the screen who is it I asked him Noah he says both as a declaration and a question oh I know this isn't going to go well he says it was nice talking to you today his jaw clenches I walk back over and grabbed the phone practically wrestling it out of his grip I could have sworn he was going to crush it in his hand that's violence yeah he called me today I tell him with false confidence and he raises his eyebrow he was just telling me that he saw my mother and he was seeing how I wasn't doing why I don't know just to check on me I guess I shrug and sit down he doesn't need to be checking on you he growls what is this a Sarah J masse novel it's not that big a deal hard and I've known him half my life his eyes grow colder I don't give a [ __ ] you're being ridiculous we just moved in together and you're worried about Noah calling me I scoff you have no reason to be talking to him he probably thinks you want him back since you answered the call he runs his hands through his hair he gestures wildly at my phone then call him right now and tell him not to call you again this paranoia that Hardin seems to have about Tessa interacting with other guys that's a big sign that there's something wrong yes there is he says his voice rising he thinks he is better than me and he will try to take you from me I'm not stupid Tessa your mom wants you with and - I won't let him try to take what is mine come here he says when I return hesitantly I walk over to him and he sits up at the end of the bed pulling me to stand between his legs I'm sorry he looks up at me for acting like a caveman he says and I can't help but laugh and for ruining our first night here together oh yeah this is the first night that they have together in the apartment that they bought together thank you we have to discuss these things instead of you blowing up at me I know he has smiles can we discuss you not talking to him anymore and then she says not tonight and he says look at us working out our problems I'm sitting there like working out what you saying can we discuss what I want rather than what you want rather than compromise that's not working out your problems and it's never addressed again next set of quotes is uh just this I read this I don't know what to call this I was appalled by this I highlighted this I want to share this with you page 484 that's it baby you're always so ready for me he groans and I continue to rock against his hand my breathing and moans intensify it still surprises me how quickly my body responds to harden he knows every little thing to do and say you are going to listen to me from now on am i right he says against my neck gently biting the skin she thinks to herself what he says tell me you will listen to me or I won't let you come he can't be serious hardened I plea and try to move faster but he stops me okay okay just please I beg and he smirks please I repeat and he nods good girl he says in my ear she said I can't believe he tried to but he silences her by running his tongue along my bottom lip I decided to take a page from the heart and Scott sex handbook and grip him harder I apologized and I will give you what you want I say as seductively as I possibly can into his ear what his face is priceless you heard me I keep my face neutral then he whimpers I'm sorry he blurts his cheeks a deep shade of red just let me [ __ ] you he begs and I laugh what is that like what is that what is that and then it happened again on page 508 and I was yet again just up what he says you like it this way don't you fast and hard he grits his teeth I bite gently down on his palm to keep quiet answer me or I'll stop he threatens I lower my eyes at him and nod to overwhelm the sensation to actually speak that one's shorter like that's a trend I don't know look just like just like what what is that I hate that we've kind of touched on the cheating and how it is excused in this book but I also just want to highlight mostly to laugh with you about how Tessa actually breaks up with Noah it's on page 268 so there's the first thing 268 pages remember Hardin Tessa meet on page 9 and they start doing their back-and-forth thing soon after the first kiss is on page 70 so this is post fight between Tessa and Hardin this is Cardon talking I didn't mean when I sat in the car and I don't know why I took Molly's phone call it's a habit I guess please just give me another chance I know you have already given me too many chances but I need one more please test he left with a big breath he sounds exhausted why should I heart and I have continued to give you chances to be my friend over and over I don't think I have it in me to try again I'm faintly aware of Noah gaping at us but at the moment I don't care that's not new I don't just want to be friends I want more no you don't harden doesn't date my subconscious warrants for inner goddess if you will you aren't my type just the way that I am not yours but that's why we're good for each other we're so different yet we're the same you told me once that I bring out the worst in you well you bring out the best in me I know you feel it too Tessa and yes I didn't date until you you make me want to date you make me want to be better I want you to think that I am worthy of you I want you to want me the way I want you I want to fight with you even scream at each other until one of us admits that we're wrong I just I need you I know I am cruel at times well all the time but that's only because I don't know how else to be is this charming you folks is this getting the job done for you this has been me for so long I have never wanted to be any other way until now until you I am done found it he said everything I wanted him to say but never imagined that he actually would this is not the heart and I know but the way his words come out in a rushed string and the heavy breathing that accompanied them somehow make it all the more true and natural people lie honey but like okay I am not sure how I'm still standing after his declaration saying girl saying what the hell Tessa Noah says frantically you should go I whispered not breaking eye contact with Hardin Noah steps forward and crows with victory thank you I thought that never going to end Harden looks heartbroken absolutely crushed Noah I said you should go I repeat I hate that but like I love she is looking at Hardin since you should go no one's over here like now [ __ ] break out and then Tess is like no Noah I said you should go honestly it would have been more kind had she like texted him lastly the last point is the amount of time between the fights that Tessa and Hardin have and when they make up I also wanted to highlight hardens apologies and you'll probably notice some similarities the first one that I found was on page 140 this is where they are at hardens house and Tessa is trying to help him and he responds to it like such you are so pathetic don't you see that I don't want you here I don't want you to be here for me just because I messed around with you doesn't mean I want anything to do with you yet here you are leaving your nice boyfriend who can actually stand to be around you to come here and try to help me that Teresa is the definition of pathetic if you turn the page literally turn the page on page 142 she cuts her hand on a piece of plate that Hardin has broken in his fit of violence but remember he would never hurt Tessa and so she's cleaning it and says after a couple of minutes I hear the back door open I snapped my eyes open and turned to see harden standing in the doorway Tessa can I talk to you please he asks I know I should say no but something in the redness around his eyes makes me not his eyes look to my hand and then the blood on the floor he walks over to me quickly are you okay what happened it's nothing just a little glass I tell him he reaches for my hand and pulls it out from under the water and then he touches my arm I feel the electricity looking at my fingers he frowns then let's go he was just calling me pathetic now he's acting all concerned about my health he is going to make me crazy she says it herself he was calling her pathetic and then you turn the page and he's concerned about her hand and wants to talk to her and reconcile next one is on page 351 there at hardens house again with his parents it starts like this can we talk outside he asked and looks toward his father no I say quietly every time harden I talk I end up crying but Hardin stands up quickly and grabs my hand pulling me to my feet we'll be outside he announces and pulls me through the living room and out the front door once we're outside I yanked my arm away and warned him stop touching me he shrugs sorry but you weren't going to come with me this mind you is after tessa and noah break up this is one tessa and harden our thing and she's still like saying every time I'm with him he makes me cry I'm sorry for everything ok his fingers play with his lip ring and I avoid focusing on his mouth you're sorry You're not sorry hearted you just want to mess with me just stop I am exhausted and drained from fighting with you all the time I can't do it anymore isn't there anyone else that you can mess with that's not what I'm doing I know I'm back and forth a lot with you and I don't know why I do it but if you give me one chance one more chance I will stop I try to stay away from you but I can't I need you um let's return to page 268 a little monologue that uh Hardin gives Tessa he literally says I know you've already given me too many chances but I just need one more and then over on the next page he says I need you I honestly can't tell you how many times he asks her to give him one more chance in this book and up until the end she always does because he says I love you or that he's sorry or what I like it's the same thing it's literally like verbatim the last one I have marked is page 479 this is probably the best example of how quickly they fight to apologize and then also an example of Harding's excuse they're fighting about honestly I don't remember and it starts like this just go he says it walks toward the door what I asked and turned to face him just go Tessa go where he doesn't even look at me back to your room I don't know you can't stay here when I reached the bottom of the stairs someone tugs the back of my sweatshirt and I hold my breath as I turn around its Hardin come back upstairs he says his voice desperate and his eyes red so this is where he tells her to go this is where he turns her around like this much space it was probably what like a minute for her to walk down the stairs why I thought you wanted me to leave he sighs and grabs the bag for my shoulder and walks back up the stairs I think about just letting him have the bag and leaving anyway but my stubborn attitude is what got me into this situation in the first place he looks into my eyes I'm sorry he pushes his hips against mine and puts one of his are against the door close to my head so I can't move I just I lose my temper sometimes I didn't really sleep with those girls well not all three of them my first instinct when I get angry is to come back even harder to hurt the other person as much as I can but I don't want you to leave and I'm sorry for scaring you by beating the [ __ ] out of Dan I am trying to change change for you to be what you deserve but it's hard for me boohoo especially when you do things to purposely piss me off he says you drive me crazy he says you never listen to me and you always fight me on everything you're a stubborn and borderline intolerable I know I repeat you provoked me and caused me a shitload of unnecessary stress not to mention you almost made out with Dan right in front of me you say the most annoying things need to act like a child when you're mad despite the insults he's throwing at me complaints about things that deep down I think he really enjoys about me my stomach is fluttering as he kisses my skin and continues his light verbal assault he pushes his hips against mine again more forceful ooh this time but all that being said I also happen to be vigorously in love with you he says and sucks harshly on the sensitive skin below my ear I pushed my hands through his hair making him groan and he puts both of his hands on my waist pulling me to him I know there are more things to be said more problems to be solved but right now all I want is to get lost and harden and forget about tonight there are so many scenes in this book that are like basically the same [ __ ] over and over and over again and it's a joy I feel it do we do I even have to like explain it I feel like I don't even have to explain I feel like if I just like weird like are we on the same page I feel like I haven't even said anything but also I think the quotes really speak for themselves is I think what I'm getting at but that's the last one that I had so with that we're at the end of this I feel like we need to take a minute together it's just like decompress a little bit I'd say moment of silence but like [Music] I think I'm done that was the whole video those were all my notes that was that book or at least parts of it obviously I wasn't able to touch on and cover everything because 582 pages we'd be here for hours thanks for watching I don't have an outro this has been fun I guess ok bye

Channel: paperbackdreams

Views: 1,156,497

Rating: 4.9366083 out of 5

Keywords: iMovie, rant review, book review, after, after movie, anna todd, hardin scott, tessa young, booktube, paperbackdreams

Id: bQAlNfwpQtQ

Length: 51min 42sec (3102 seconds)

Published: Fri Apr 19 2019