This AWFUL Pinocchio Movie is PURE CHAOS

this video is brought to you by Helix sleep [Music] well I made the Cardinal mistake of having hope folks which you think I would have learned by now is like a mistake that it's foolish that to see a trailer that is as Infamous as this father when can I leave to be on my own yeah that one that I might go hmm I'll watch the entire thing maybe it will surprise me no no not at all this is one of the most nonsensical films I've ever seen there were moments where I had to pause the film just to allow my brain cells to slightly recover from these psychic damage I was receiving from the stupidity of this story it's hard to follow I don't even know if I can even do it justice for recapping it but I will here in a moment folks we're talking about Pinocchio a true story something that went somewhat viral a few weeks ago because of this stupid trailer ah there father I just want to go out and see the world yeah we're like that's so funny the voice acting so bad let's laugh at it and that was a mistake because the company Lionsgate and the actors involved like Pauly Shore are like oh that's so funny you you like kids we'll double down no that was a mistake we shouldn't have done that we can't let these companies get away with it we can't let them think that they can be endearing because they're silly because here's the thing there's like an interview with Paulie Shore I read where he's like here's my inspiration and it's like no you've phoned it in you didn't try none of the voice actors in this movie tried don't even spin it that you are being deliberate with your oh Vision with your direction the script was like generated by algorithm most likely and then it sounds like text-to-speech for the voice acting don't you worry Senor Geppetto I've got everything under control I gotta slow down I'm getting all flustered already let's bring it back in there are like four Pinocchio films coming out this year and this is the first of them and uh most likely the worst first off it's called Pinocchio a true story huh a true story huh that's what you're calling it that's the title why because we know it's not and here's Lionsgate how's their content I'll let you know how their content is it's not good it's actually really bad and it's gotten worse it makes me so upset because I see posters and occasional like concept art for the films that Lionsgate like commissions the go to Animation Studios like licensing brand and you're like oh it doesn't look terrible it might be good no it's bad it's always bad it's been getting worse trust me I know I'm like oh this could be potentially good oh no it's Lionsgate Never mind take a look for yourself can I stay at your place for a while no we make perfect partners yeah it's bad licensing Brands is the company that made Pinocchio true story it's Russian and you know it's it's something to behold seeing their catalog of films like the big trip Princess and the dragon two tails and it's like yeah you found a sweet spot didn't you where you're like parents who are buying these films you might think it's Pixar ooh until you put it on and you realize quickly that you've been duped how did it get here sorry I took it from The Bargain Bin all right here we go I'm gonna try my best to explain the story for Pinocchio because it is so out there it is one of the biggest and then and then and then stories I've ever seen developments that make no sense twists and turns that defy logic itself and goes against the characters and their motives and what they're about it makes zero sense okay so let's begin Geppetto voiced by Tom Kenny poor SpongeBob Poor Tom Kenny here's your paycheck get out of here Geppetto makes Pinocchio and then gives a wand to some fairy because she's like I can't pick up my wand he's like here it is and the fairy is taking off because she's like oh Japan don't want anything um I have no context about the puppets the wooden boy that Geppetto just made but I'm gonna shoot some magic over my shoulder and it's gonna do something and it gives it gives Pinocchio life and there's like no sense of time here where it's like it could have been a month from now it could have been the very next day but we see Pinocchio on the back of this horse called tibble voiced by John heater the guy who's Napoleon Dynamite come on tippo let's see what it was John this is some of your worst voice acting I've ever heard ever period and the horse talks more than anybody else there's a moment where I'm like is this the horses movie whose movie is this uh but you know it's either John heater talking or you're hearing Pauly Shore so it's like take a poison so Pinocchio here loves riding on horses and there's the infamous line father I want to go and see the world and and you know what he gets his chance because he saves this girl part of a circus and the circus master's like whoa a wooden boy that's that's such a novelty he says to the talking cat and fox a cat who to know hyperbole I healed over laughing because it seemed like this was made up as in like a joke a post something you'd see as a as a meme the cat holds out his gun and shoots Pinocchio it wouldn't Buy I lost it there was a moment where I'm like this might be so bad that it's good but no it's just bad let's continue so Pinocchio goes off with the horse being like Geppetto I gotta go out into the world because I want to you know get with this girl and I want to go see the world Ange but I was like okay good fine whatever uh good luck and they go to the circus and then like the ring Masters like oh okay Pinocchio you're part of my act and um here's the strong folks that the cat and the fox are the comedy people that my daughter that's my daughter she's on the tightrope and she sings or whatever and then things start to get really bizarre even more so because like this police officer and his guards are just randomly going door to door and they're like we don't know what we're looking for but we think there's something strange going on what they have no motive no explanation for why they're patrolling they just think it's too quiet let us in so we can investigate your home what so these folks are in the background entire film just doing nothing and it's so strange because it comes back in at the very end and has such a profoundly stupid way where it's like there's no way that this happened there's no way that you actually wove this stupid group of characters back into the film and try to play it off the way you did I'll explain here in a moment so Pinocchio is obviously like thinking with his heart with his wood by the way his nose never stretches out he never lies it's never even part of the film okay something also about the horse being the surrogate father for Pinocchio temporarily okay Pinocchio here is part of the ACT he's super successful he gets five gold coins you know and then for whatever reason the ring master and the fox and the cat out in the open next to the girls trailer they're like Pinocchio is so popular we can't let him go okay then the girl tells Pinocchio I don't love you leave and it's like wait hold on what she could have just told Pinocchio these characters are being evil and plotting against you you but instead she keeps that context away from him and says I don't like you which is like why not tell him the truth you have no reason not to tell him the truth that these folks are trying to keep you captive and mess with you no she lies to him why I have no idea but now get runs off then him and the horse go off to find the fairy because a clown told him that the fairy's that way okay look into the fairy the fairy is like I can't help you only you can make yourself human though she could have made him human okay then this is where things got so profoundly stupid The Fox and the cats are like oh we got to get Pinocchio back they sneak into the forest to Ambush Pinocchio pretend to be the fairy in order to trick Pinocchio to give them his gold which is like why your mission is to bring Pinocchio back which wouldn't have been a problem if you said nothing at all to begin with and then the cat pulls his gun out again shoots Pinocchio again misses this cat has his gun the entire time that is Blunderbuss and he's his answer to everything his pull out his gun and shoot you which is kind of based to be honest and and and the fox and the cat are like making things worse it's like you wouldn't have made Pinocchio leave if you just kept your mouth shut and then you go to the force to Rob him and shoot at him that's your solution so Pinocchio thing comes back to the circus after the ferry I don't know why something about the guards with a handkerchief and how they're like that's the same handkerchief that belongs to the girl the girl's in danger Pinocchio comes back to the circus just pretend fine like uh I don't know it's so confusing nothing makes sense the horse runs off to go get the guards which something about how like the girl is actually the daughter who is kidnapped by the ring master who lied to her about being her Father which she knew but her actual father was the detective and then it turns out that the detective thinks that Pinocchio and the horse are gang leaders who are robbing people during the circus performance because that's a thing and it's like there's no way that's true there's no way that that it has to be an accusation no it turns out the ringmaster and the captain Fox brought people during the circus performance don't know where they find the time because you know they're performing but I guess they run out of hot people okay sure that makes sense why run a business that's actually profitable we can do that and Rob the people showing up to the circus which might make them not one to come back to the circus you sir are a monster no I just didn't get enough sleep ah so the ring Master the cat and the fox get confronted by Pinocchio the horse and like the rest of the circus performers who are like we're Witnesses we're gonna sing about being Witnesses and that we're not associated with the ring master and the cat and the fox which the remaster is like you're not gonna catch me he immediately gets caught the cat freaks out throws fire at this at the circus tent catches fire immediately and then Pinocchio falls in the fire somehow survives what he's singed but he's not on fire so I guess he's not as wooden as we thought it is so confusing because we don't really know what the characters want exactly what they're about what the overarching story is anything to do with like lying and trying to rise above it for Pinocchio not there it's all about love thinking with his wood instead of stretching it out because it remains to be seen nothing makes sense and compound that with the voice acting which is so grating so robotic the dialogue feels like again it was generated by a machine it doesn't feel natural It Feels So clunky and unnatural if anything I hate it I I absolutely hate it you might laugh at it for a minute but when you settle in and start watching the movie trying to pay attention it's like torture that's how bad it is let's go tibot great adventures await just the best voice actor we got folks just the best now let's talk about the visuals the animation the designs Etc because initially I'm like this doesn't look terrible it could look worse I've seen worse the designs of the characters themselves competent and you see the backgrounds too and you're like that doesn't look terrible either they're they're competent animators somewhere in the studio but they're not being put to the proper effect they're not being utilized in a way where it could actually work like the film visually is a mess like obviously the general aesthetic is not all that pleasing but it goes so much deeper than that like there are times some of the established shots actually look okay like they're full of detail but that's kind of the problem everything is coded in tons of textures and extreme normal Maps so that everything in a scene is competing with everything else for visual dominance the shots don't even feel very curated in terms of design either like typically you want to use the composition of your scenes and shots to guide the viewer his eye to the focal point of the shot the characters or the actions that are happening but because every asset and these scenes are so complex your eye tries to take everything in at once this aspect is further compounded due to a very limited use of background blurring or bokeh this is in effect achieved with high-end camera lenses and emulated the virtual cameras in 3D software that suddenly blurs the background and foreground elements to further guide the attention to the key parts of the scene this is what usually gives a movie its professional film look since smaller lenses like cell phone cameras that are used by everyday people can't as easily recreate this effect well at least not without like faking it via software like your phone's portrait mode or iPhones with its new cinematic mode that means the overly detailed nature of the movie would benefit more by aggressively using this technique but I barely used it at all which makes the scenes even more visually crowded than they need to be like look at it it's too much much it hurts the brain another jarring visual emission seems to be the absence of any object motion blur like typically films are shot at 24 FPS which is a relatively low frame rate an effect of this is that the film has a lot of blurring when objects move at high speeds this is another aspect of the so-called film look 3D software can emulate this effect but this movie seems to have either made the effect way too subtle or left it out completely without motion blur at a low frame rate fast movements can feel very choppy like playing an older video game that's lagging and since this movie already looks like an old video game like not having motion blur isn't doing it any favors whatsoever so yes the characters and their motives the story The the voice acting the visuals it's like What Hurts the Most is they have the resources and I think they might have the talent maybe just just dormant to make something decent or below average but instead they turned out this guy garbage and folks I beg of you don't reward it don't like this movie you can laugh at it but don't let these folks on Tick Tock don't let Paulie Shore don't let Lions Gate or licensing Brands become another Asylum with Sharknado where they are specifically trying to be bad like oh wow look how better stuff is what an accident we feel so stupid don't buy it LOL no don't give them that chance they don't deserve it do not reward bad behavior Let Them Burn like Pinocchio or not apparently maybe he's like glossed wood well I guess he was glossed up after that girl got her hands on him yeah I went there so a big shout out to this video sponsor Helix sleep guys I got some cool news to share with you all 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Channel: Saberspark

Views: 1,481,891

Keywords: Saberspark, saber, pinocchio a true, pinocchio a true story, pinocchio a true story review, pinocchio a true story trailer, pinocchio a true story meme, review, father when can i leave to be on my own

Id: 4wSD0oZeK2Q

Length: 18min 48sec (1128 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 02 2022