The Truth Behind Covert Abuse Exposed | Dr. David Hawkins

[Music] he's nice until he's not he's friendly until he's not he's cooperative until he's not he's likable until he's not hello i'm dr david hawkins i'm the director of the marriage recovery center and i want to talk to you about something we've all heard about dr jekyll and mr hyde and what you maybe haven't heard as much about is the topic of covert emotional abuse dr jekyll the nice guy mr hyde his shadow side whom he doesn't want anyone to see so the bully is the overt emotional abuser you know he walks around large tall dominant controlling and everybody knows it watch out for him but the covert emotional abuser um not so easy to see and in fact the victim often the wife of the emotional abuser wonders does anybody else see this does anybody else experience this i don't think so no one would believe me because he's dr jekyll in front of everybody else he's on the school board he's on the elder board he's a leader in the community he's got a profession he makes money he is respected he's got power and he uses it in healthy ways at times but not mr hyde mr hyde has an attitude subtle often attitude sometimes not so subtle attitude of superiority dominance and control his way trumps your way what he wants is going to happen one way or another and he might be quite passive aggressive about it it may not be overt he may be obstinate he may be oppositional he may be defiant he may push in ways that you can't really quickly identify but boy can you feel it and that's called covert emotional abuse when his way is dominant it's controlling and your identity the victim of narcissistic and emotional abuse suffers often insidiously time and time and time again and her well-building is well-being is subjugated to his well-being her desires her needs are always subjugated to what he wants and guess what emotional quicksand when you try to confront mr hyde no mr hyde is hiding and won't own up in fact flips it back on to you and i've often said one of the ways to know that you're with a covert emotional abuser or a crazy maker is it you will feel crazy you will feel exhausted it's tiring remember that health in a healthy relationship is a relationship where you have the ability to approach your mate with a concern and they will welcome it they will embrace you and your concern and they will help you find a solution to it even if it pertains to him not so with dr jekyll and mr hyde dr jekyll prides himself in being what he thinks as a healthy man he prides himself in all the respect that he gets in the community and in the church and in different places all right so covert emotional abuse is just as destructive if not more so than overt emotional abuse again what is what is covert emotional abuse it is any action taken that denigrates another's well-being on a consistent basis it's done by passive aggressive actions obstinate actions oppositional actions actions of superiority stonewalling gaslighting it didn't happen i didn't do it i didn't say that that's not the way it happened and picking apart your argument so that you your head is spinning and you wonder what's going on playing the victim oh my goodness a covert emotional abuser is going to say to you you're not the one being harmed i am everything that you accuse me of you do you think you're so good you're not and so it goes on and on again his anger while while he may not throw things certainly not where others would see it he may not slam doors he may but you know he's brooding with anger you know he's got hostility inside of him and again remember emotional quicksand if you attempt to confront him about his anger he will have none of it not happening this abuse in fact he hates the word abuse right hates the word abuse he's not abusive abusive is a label for those men who beat their wives well guess what covert emotional abuse is a beating of another kind it is terribly destructive terribly damaging and we have an epidemic of it so this covert emotional abuse why is it done it is done to gain power and control this is a six-year-old boy emotionally needy having the skills of a six-year-old he's not able i'm melting off letting him off the hook by the way by saying this but he's not able to come to you and in in a healthy and respectful way say look i i've got some feelings i've got some some concerns i want to share with you not able to do it he is typically passive passive passive until he's passive aggressive or aggressive all right covert emotional abuse is something that often cannot be seen but once you get good at identifying it you will see it you will see oh there's that passive aggressiveness again there's that pouting there's that controlling action there's that withdrawal there's that withholding affection there are those actions taken so that he will get what he wants covert emotional abuse is terribly destructive and it must be called out and that's what we're doing in this series of videos we want you to know that dr jekyll and mr hyde is terribly damaging because you don't know whether you're going to get dr jekyll or mr hyde and by the way he doesn't own up it would even be a step of of health if he could say i'm shifting into mr hyde that is seamless folks it's seamless meaning he shifts without even noticing it his level of awareness is practically zero and so what do we need to do about this phenomenon well all of us victims of emotional abuse covert emotional abuse treaters of emotional abuse covert emotional abuse we must be on the alert for this problem we must name it we must identify these patterns of stonewalling controlling withdrawing obstinacy passive aggression gaslighting we must see it we must name it and that will give us one step toward healing from it all right know that this is a horrific phenomenon know that most can't see it and so you the one who is a victim of emotional abuse you're going to be the one that's going to bring about change and you can do it and we will help you do it okay take care you

Channel: Dr. David Hawkins

Views: 18,764

Keywords: what is covert narcissist abuse, covert narcissist, covert narcissism, covert abuse explained, covert abuse truth exposed, covert abuse, narcissistic abuse, covert abuse tactics, covert emotional abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, narcissism, narcissist, narcissist personality disorder, signs of covert narcissist, covert narcissists, covert narcissist traits, covert abuse in marriage, covert abuse in relationships, covert abuse partner, dr david hawkins narcissism

Id: 8oqs9C7IXA0

Length: 9min 46sec (586 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 21 2021