The TERRIBLE Ugly Dolls Film...

oh it's ugly dull simultaneously that thing that nobody really remembers and yet looking at the footage it seems like something we're just all so familiar with i mean regardless of the title or any real information on the actual storyline you can already tell this is just a shallow generic trend hunting kids kind of film but of course i'm gonna get all into it anyway because that's my life now in fact oddly enough when searching my name in youtube search bar ugly dolls is a thing that already appears i guess it just makes too much sense for someone like me so for those of you that are blessed to be unaware ugly dolls is a 2019 animated musical film dragging the likes of kelly clarkson nick jonas pitbull and robert rodriguez again into another shameless cash grab that's naturally not given them favorable reviews it's hopping on that bandwagon of trolls spliced with the theming of animated kid toys like toy story or with the unique spin of making it all about being ugly oh so obviously ugly let's see how terrible it can really be huh alibaba pictures huh i guess that explains the immediate blandness of the content marketing to that extra billion tickets that need a very set of rules to be viewable to how thematic for a film about mass-produced factory toys to be made in china so we get to see a little bit of how the factory works with magical machines doing all the processes and ugly dolls being cast to the side and into uglyville how did those mistakes ever happen never forget about it this is a musical remember so of course our main protagonist immediately gets out of bed singing about how today could be the day and how they want to be chosen for a kid all the while being a tad insecure about being short and stubby oh my gosh look how much you weigh a nice message for the kids right up front huh anyway this pink protagonist is moxie and she's always enthusiastic and when seeing the mayor that day he explains that the supposed big world and children being available is all just stories oh and then the song just keeps going for a while all that matters in life is apparently partying and it couldn't get better than this and then like a regular occurrence a new arrival is incoming and they look alright it's lemonhead from before now named wedgehead and that kind of brings up the elephant in the room with this film i mean obviously it's so much of an elephant i have to mention it this early on you can already tell the theming here is going to be all about ugliness and perfection but all of these characters aren't really ugly they're just abstract shapes and even then they're textured to be soft and fluffy perfectly rounded in their curves and at most they're missing like what an eye that's charmingly shown with stitch lines instead we'll get to more of this a little bit later on but man it just completely defeats what little purpose this film has isn't that right gibberish cat is that a joke that's the quality we're playing with here this film's only a year old it's not even like outdated bad jokes it's just flat today jokes so ugly dog this guy steals wedge head away to show off the town to her and us rapping away because it's the cringy man himself pitbull and this is the same song sequence still just spread across this whole opening but it all ends off in a food fight to check off that list to your classic boring kids film and then literally skimming the budget by removing the entire background get used to this look a six minute song sequence to start us off because the creators do not believe kids at the attention span for something like this so with the mayor concerned of moxie getting her heart broken from her dream this bat guy is sent in to talk to her meanwhile moxie it's is still singing away with like a whole day through apparently with a sad version of the same motif now my god oh and the sun is a ball of wool because it's got to be on brand and the moon is half a button is it always crescent or like can it does it grow more button pieces to be a full you know i think too hard about these films so red back guy here chats over tea with her the next day and moxie worries over reality since there's with no evidence no proof and while i'd love to poke a joke about you know your classic religious debates and all that i legit found this online my imperfections are something to be celebrated i mean that is straight brainwashing propaganda satanic sure we can all agree it's bland ironic and a waste of content and certainly not something that kids should be exposed to as the only form of entertainment they should be given but did you ever think this film was the antichrist it's corruptingly lgbt or that it's clearly connected to satanism this take is far too spicy for a film as plain as this yikes it's just because they said it's called the big world and that it's you know almost an afterlife but it's just a dumb kids film but anyway also there is proof in this world moxie because there's the obvious hole in the wall where people come from but man this film just doesn't really think so the whole joke of this scene is that batboy here doesn't actually have any advice and just kind of wings it this drags on for a very long while and none of it is really written the smartiest but with moxie dedicated to the idea of leaving because of tea leaves means she must leaves she soon scarpers across town and takes all of her friends with her and they literally just join her immediately with no convincing or anything logical really going on i guess this film really wants to get going all these characters have next to no substance i'll let you guess which one's the case and hey you've made it this far so do consider subscribing only you can help balance out my unsub ratio count and if you like more of me i was trying to go for the ugly theme this time with the sort of stitchiness and the hair that i honestly just don't know how to style at this point but if you do like more of me we've got all sorts of other links we've got a twitter we've got an instagram there's a discord and we're starting streaming at the end of the month there's a twitch tag you can go to now but i'll tell you more of the details about the actual schedule closer to the time or just click on it and like you'll see it as like the offline thumbnail but hey thanks for visiting if you do if you're just watching me fumble in front of whatever i've chosen as the background image thanks for that too so they hobbled to that hole and there's almost a gimmick here with bobo here having animal crossing pockets for convenient tools but even as a deus ex machina device that totally is baiting for something to happen in the future it's never properly used in the film it's like establishing something and then doing nothing with it so after a lot of fluff the gang eventually reached that old factory cue the opportunity for another generic pop song that really kind of masks the fact that if you actually looked around this would literally look like something out of a horror movie i mean are you kidding me just look at all these freaking creepy human eye doll things but now they make it to the institute of perfection for dole type number 12 and they all look humanoid because if we focused on any of the other dull types this film would realize how out of touch it was and how unugly all the ugly dolls are oh and also it's another song sequence oh skip and we get more exposition about how this world works it's basically quality assurance for perfection but first there's a scanning machine because the one from before wasn't enough apparently it's kind of creepy how it just sort of slaps on an entire skin but i like the gag of them all being given the role of model i'm an individual exactly like the rest of you so everyone freaks out on their ugly designs and ugly dog gets to flirting why is this a thing and naturally we have our mean girls type of trio all british of course and the fourth one who's totally not a friend and conspicuously has an american accent forgetting that it's time for some lu exposition you know exactly what form this is gonna take looking like a cross between draco malfoy and that fallout mascot perfectly aryan with glutes singing about everyone's ugly blemishes and really railing into the ugly dolls except they're upset about this when they're literally from a place called uglyville ugly dog literally named himself ugly dog this is all just stupid and though it's a point that lou is pointing out the most minute of flaws even on the ugly dolls what's the issue the dog has one eye that matches his design wage has a perfectly normal face just fangs and moxie has just one tooth issue and doesn't get her head thing it's just hair where are the more impactful blips like a bigger nose crooked teeth crossed eyes or even a cleft palate you know the message of the film is taken so mildly that it effectively has the opposite effect as you just know that this whole design was perfect up for the production of the film so everyone's deterred except moxie who's determined to take on the training for perfection anyway and lou accepts learning there's a whole town of uglies because it doesn't get better than this ah that's the name of our song oh boy so lou returns home and sings some more about wanting to crush them all for his empire don't expect a real reason why the uglies get their home in a shed perfect for them but their escort mandy is less ecstatic as she accidentally leaks the news that she needs glasses to see she isn't perfect lots of dolls wear glasses in uglyville even five-eyed steve uh no they don't they specifically don't wear glasses i've checked for most of the characters and none of them have five eyes either for sure teaching kids that glasses aren't ugly is at least faintly on track though you still shouldn't really expect to see them much at all this film mandy keeps them hidden pretty much the whole runtime at the same time the mean girls trio are actually totally spies now sneaking into ugly bill the jokes through all of this are just abysmal over talking but i like the whistling tune it reminds me of the good old days of mario kart double dash and one unneeded scene about one of them stealing from the others to prove they're really bad guys later and they kidnap ox the mayor you'll never catch me good thing for that random rake huh i like that one training time and actually i like the concept here lou's talking all about avoiding messes and though kids like to get messy for the toys if you get messy you get the washing machine and each time you come out a little less perfect all of this is genuinely true and kind of interesting to hear this perspective and then of course cue the montage naturally with some mainstream cover as well it's a shame because i almost kind of can get into this world if it wasn't so basic also ox has now made an arrival and lou has already met him dun dun dun they know each other he just said that lou keep up and though the uglies are now physically prepped up after one montage later they want to work on their visuals good job mandy comes in for just the occasion somehow luckily i swear half this film is just music sequences no wonder i'm getting through this quickly and this one's gone so far to literally have no background the entire time it could be slapped onto some kind of snapchat advert and it would fit the bill and now they're pretty right now with fake teeth outfits and hair that makes them look more nerdy than they did before oh yeah and also mandy's still not happy about herself in the mirror and after confronting lou he still tells them that they're ugly dolls underneath and that they'll never pass the final gauntlet the kind of final exam and ox is now here to explain so it turns out ox once appeared here by cheer luck and was actually friends with lou and after being outcast by everyone else lou helped in his escape where ox learned that they are in fact all rejects chucked away by humans beforehand uglyville is the detour to a better life there's some plot holes here but we'll touch on that in a bit though lou tells them to never return or it's recycling for all of them how friendly to his good old friend ox huh an ugly ville is devastated and you can tell cause the saturation is down well at least they got one relatable point say yo wake up or don't it doesn't matter oh yeah why is there a unicorn alarm clock guy in this town you'd think he was a main character but i guess he's just cute bait we saw him earlier in as well and i like what also like that's the epitome of not ugly he just has one eye oh god anyway the sadness doesn't last long as mandy shows up with a pep talk mentioning people and thoughts that she physically cannot know because she wasn't there for those moments and ending it off with what do you know another song number now taking us into the void of space because this film really hates having any real logical backgrounds it's one of those be yourself songs i don't really need to explain this one and then the totally spies kidnap them both and lou catches them in the tubing now with a plan to chuck them into recycling without moxie no one will be determined to come back also this pipe is now vertical it wasn't when ox went in i think but whatever meanwhile all the friends are feeling guilty and the mayor chooses to talk to moxie discovering that she's gone how do they work out what's actually happening to line up the dots through a a fax machine that i don't think we've even seen before it's just panicly reprinting the scene this is one of the weirdest dare six machina things i think i've ever seen why did the film choose this route of anything anyway moxie and mandy are now in recycling it's time for your toy story 3 furnace scene now with a conveyor belt that they're clearly running faster than and the whole tension of the scene is stopped before it's even started as everyone in uglyville immediately makes an appearance wedging themselves up to pause the carnage which is actually kind of new and smart and then the entire town of uglyville was somehow notified willing to help and made the time to coordinate and show up too to pull them out of the oven well that's literally all the filmmakers could come up with with his pocket gimmick just two jokes and no real story wait nice and as they're dragged out the machine just inexplicably shuts down because that's how machines work i'm lucky you got that thing on your head whatever it is it's just freaking hair and so they decide to make a stand fighting for their flaws instead it's time for the final gauntlet and they all crash the party and for some reason lou just accepts this he says he'll run alongside them alright he just has to make them lose and so it begins getting a real monsters inc toy story reality vibe but now with a robo dog it's all right guys slick dogs got this oh god so the whole theme of this whole sequence is lou betrays someone into a real life obstacle and the uglies are the one to save them on the way everything about stains and blemishes aren't really being tested here for the final exam and now i think about it there wasn't really another lecture other than messiness damn this is just an obstacle course to show off some faint concepts like you know being sucked up by a hoover that's that's a first and as lou attempts to win for himself rather than sabotage as he's said before one final hurdle arrives a robo baby with lou being the one to kick the baby to unhand him and as everyone is ready to finish moxie is the one to turn around for the now crying robo baby you can see where this is going moxie is the one to calm the baby and lou escapes by himself is this red circle a bad thing now why is lou upset about this too anyway it's revealed that love and compassion is a doll's true purpose and so everybody wins so then how has training worked for every past generation and how did nobody notice that the training was useless when they succeeded what a waste of everybody's time and lou is confirmed to have failed not because he didn't actually show any love and compassion even though that is clearly the direct reason for why he failed it was because he didn't have any love and compassion because that's his personality but it's because he's a prototype not meant for public consumption always the guide now that's actually a pretty cool alright concept for a villain of the story he's angry that something as ugly as ox can make it to the big world and yet we never really see any more of his tragic story and how he became more evil over time on top of that he joined this exam knowing that he was going to fail because he's a prototype said that he was going to try and sabotage everyone else and then at the end just started running for himself when he knew it wouldn't work anyway and he's already heard this a million times that it's about lumber compassion so we never try to do anything loving and compassionate like brain cells where did they go i mean i guess they're toys they literally don't have any but come on and even forgetting the mistakes of right now we saw ox as his friend from beforehand but never how he turned or how he actually disliked ox in the first place it's all just mentioned and that's boring and as a final snap lou tries to break the portal to the big world trapping everyone forever just like him and so a kind of conflict fight begins you gotta have another post conflict in these films everyone i guess kinda gets a spotlight moment in the fight though they're also really just background fodder especially lucky bat he literally hasn't done anything for like an hour and with lou defeated and given the best punishment possible the portal is revealed to actually be broken until they put it back together again cause you know you can do that with glass and yes this was a song sequence as well skip ahead in time and ugly villain perfection have been merged it's a happy ending song about how it couldn't be better toys can now enter the human world and come back at night to hang out i don't know where the portal back is but apparently it exists actually they kind of skip over everything to hit that ending but i mean i is that really a surprise the time here is so funky i mean how long did this take us what is this a day a month what 83 minutes whatever the case moxie can finally find her kid though they're briefly worried that she won't come back at night to join them because i don't know they wanted to have more doubt of course she's gonna want to come back like why would you why would you put this conflict it doesn't make sense uh whatever and then there's one scene left the world of the toys is officially behind us we've seen the last frame of every other character it's just moxie now and i feel this was probably what the writers felt was their magnum opus of the idea so moxie is dropped off in the kid's bedroom the music gets that classical pixar feel and moxie approaches the child there's the same dog the same notebook and moxie knows the rules of toy story to play dead around humans the girl sees her gift the music swells to get you all emotional and in actuality the kid has the same missing tooth that's the bit they match every other emotional bead of toy story holds nothing to this tooth they came up with this in 2019 and that's the best they could come up with after all the history of toy story and all of their emotional stellar moments tooth anyway the credits are nice we see each toy with their respective kids all perfect matches at least in design for all the ugly kids you know the blind the chefs that always sticks their tongue outs okay so the ugly part kind of drops off here but it's been missing this whole film anyway so like it's on brand and that's it pitbull was the executive producer and the dog robert rodriguez was somehow rubbed into writing ice tea was there and it's clear that they were going for some musical credits with all these stars involved but man it just doesn't hold the weight to justify it like do these people honestly think they're gonna make the next frozen song because there's just no effort to make it good why are you wasting your time trying to get a musical icon award when you don't put any kind of effort to make it worth it yeah that's still stupid bland unoriginal easy basic and ironic hilariously ironic in fact it's the funniest part of the whole film really i'm not sure if this film ever really had potential considering it's just another toy story rip-off but at least with the messaging there was a hint of good intentions but boy did they really miss the mark and considering the context of the whole industry it's clear on that front that they were really kind of doomed from the start but you don't need me to tell you it was terrible from the very first frame you knew exactly what this film would bring and it stayed unbelievably true to that mark what was that thing lucky bats said like an hour ago that i'd skipped over because it was a scene that really didn't matter sometimes the insides of art films hollow yeah that sounds about right i'm an individual exactly like the rest of you but hey at least it's not the antichrist we've got that going for us for now my name's been daz you didn't really care and i'll see you in a bit you know it's kind of refreshing to actually have like a full fully budgeted kind of aaa level generic crap movie you know like the more i thought about this film the more questions that raised up that one character with the aprons called wage so did she decide her own name was gonna be wage and so she decided she was going to be like some kind of retail restaurant cafe whatever she is worker the whole way through like the there's a lot of little little things that just don't ever line up because they didn't think about it and i'm thinking more about it than i really should but my god ugly dolls can i get out of this this outfit please this is really uncomfortable trying to be on theme that's all i'm the ugly doll now

Channel: DazzReviews

Views: 2,491,590

Keywords: dazzreviews, ugly dolls, the terrible ugly dolls film, toy story, analysis, video essay, discussion, nick jonas, kelly clarkson, pitbull, ugly dolls movie, terrible movies

Id: iG3zODaVKyU

Length: 21min 57sec (1317 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 05 2020