The Start Of James Acaster's Bake Off Story | COLD LASAGNE HATE MYSELF 1999

hated britain for a while now the last british thing that pushed me over the edge happened last year actually september i'll give you a bit of context before i tell you this story started this story i haven't slept in 36 hours and i've got the worst jet lag of my life that's very important details to understand my behavior throughout the story right so i haven't slept in 36 hours and i've got the worst jet lag of my life now i've done about you lot but if i haven't slept in 36 hours i'm currently experiencing the worst jet lag of my life the last thing i want to do on a list of things that i want to do is the great british bake off that's just me i'd rather not it's a bit full-on actually now give me your context there haven't i and i gave that context multiple times on camera so many times in that tent i kept saying it i haven't slept in 36 hours this is the worst jet that i've ever had in my life and they cut all that out of the edit and made me look like a freewheeling madman up for no reason zero but you can experience amount of times i had to ask rylan for help was frankly undignified then i've got to make flapjacks with spoiler alert i made porridge by the way it's a disgusting porridge only consolation was that i knew contractually paul hollywood had to eat it and technical was even harder than the signature main reason i said yes to it in the first place because all my comedy friends had done it in the past told me the technical was really easy they were oh honestly james the whole point of that technical is i want to encourage people at home who haven't baked before to bake and raise money for stand up to cancer so i'll show them how easy it is to bake from scratch so it's a really detailed recipe people on standby to help you out if needs be and stuff like fairy cakes or gingerbread biscuits easy stuff nothing complicated like ah i don't know off the top of my head six identical cream horns that might make you do that that'd be beyond unreasonable if they made you make six identical things you've never seen with your eyes before you have no concept of just imagine a thing out of nowhere then conjure it into existence with skills you do not possess then replicate that five more times to competition standard please yes we're filming it why wouldn't we be filming it and at this point i was crashing hard it's 40 plus hours no sleep and all the way through the signature i was neck in black coffees one after the other i know that doesn't sound like a tough guy move a little bit more context for you way back in 2013 i completely cut caffeine out of my diet so for five years i'd had no caffeine in my system whatsoever and then i don't think many people have said this sentence before i fell off the wagon during bake off at one point i had to make a creme pat still don't know what that is that's all the recipe said make a creme pat like proper bake off prison rules may as well said ha ha ha after it i know i had disturbed custard for it and i also know that everything i'm about to tell you didn't make the edit none of this was broadcast and i know that because i stirred that custard for 45 minutes 45 minutes i'm pretty sure is roughly the length of an entire episode of bake off i don't think the whole episode was just me blocking in and out of consciousness while nothing happened to some custard that's 45 minutes of my life and of a cameraman's life the same guy was putting in a shift that was all the footage he got for 45 minutes he couldn't intervene because of david attenborough's code or whatever even though he morally objected to it he has to let it play out at one point they sent a producer along behind the camera man to ask me some questions to get some more energy out of me hey james what you got in that tin over there what's in the tin mate [Applause] god uh that's some excess pastry i rolled out too much pastry earlier i just cut some of the pastry off of the main bit of pastry uh i was gonna your bin's too far away actually uh so i put in a chin yes it's in a tin now when i told her there was pastry in the tin she starts proper laughing her head off like full-on laughing her head off now look i've been a comic long enough now to know when a joke's getting more than it deserves especially when it weren't even a joke it was a fact i was telling her about what was in the tin so now i'm worried maybe i've made a mistake so i look for reassurance that's okay that's okay i'll put pastry in ten sorry james i'm actually not allowed to say but uh put it this way oh dear what's the matter right long there's another way to do that tell me now tell me now they're both laughing now the cameraman is just blair witching it all over the shop really letting himself go i'm looking at both of them i'm looking at the custard i'm looking at the tin my body clock's going haywire all my anxieties are building up in the side of me i didn't know i was going to say anything didn't know anything was going to come out my mouth i'm still stirring the custard i'm swaying back on my heels and i looked down the battle of the camera and all my emotions just surged out of me and i went this doesn't feel nice which is too real for bake off bake off is a light entertainment show we want you to switch off and feel optimistic about cake and friendship you don't go oh gather around family let's watch a young man unload his mental health issues directly into our living room that'll be enjoyable yes i'm gonna fail nice a very good episode of bangkok isn't it you

Channel: James Acaster

Views: 1,769,650

Keywords: James Acaster, James, Acaster, James Acaster Stand Up, Stand Up, Stand Up Comedy, Repertoire, James Acaster Repertoire, Taskmaster, Mock the week, Netflix, Josh widdicombe, cold lasagne hate myself 1999, British, awkward comedian, turtle canyon, acaster cabbage, james acaster funniest moments, clhm 1999, ricky gervais, bake off, james acaster lasagna, james acaster cold lasagne hate myself 1999, great british bake off, stand up for cancer, had a breakdown, bon appetit, gbbo, jurgen

Id: ewTIDd90uZY

Length: 7min 32sec (452 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 19 2021