The Secret to Why You’re Unhappy & The ONE Thing You Can Do About It | The Mel Robbins Podcast

foreign just happened I am going to try to explain a breakthrough that I am having that is unfolding in real time that oh my God I don't even realize how much I'm battling happiness inside myself it's like this campaign of misery like I pick up the sword I start wielding it and I'm I'm fighting for misery can we come up with a prompt I got a great prompt give me the prompt what is this what I write on top of every page every morning okay this will change your life hey it's your friend Mel and welcome to a life-changing episode of the Mel Robbins podcast I am so happy that you're here because this morning I had a profound breakthrough in happiness I guess more importantly I had a breakthrough in the thing that I am doing that is robbing me of happiness and you're doing this exact same thing too we all are and it's in the background you probably don't even realize it today's conversation is going to be an eye-opener a game changer I cannot wait for you to hear it it is also unfolding live I was so excited about this breakthrough that I literally barreled into work this morning and Amy and Jesse my colleagues and friends were sitting here ready to go and I could not contain myself I had to share this breakthrough with them and what you're going to hear is me coming up the stairs and you're going to listen to that conversation unfold live and this is more than a conversation we are bringing breakthroughs and matches we burn things so let's go okay so I was just about to have a conversation with my friends Jesse and Amy you want to say hi to everybody hi hi there and I thought ding ding ding this is something that I think everybody should hear because I am going to try to explain a breakthrough that I am having that is unfolding in real time about my relationship to complaining and my relationship to suffering and how that robs me of happiness and here's what happened this morning I woke up and I felt this incredible flood of happiness and joy and gratitude because all three of our kids are home and nothing makes me happier than when Chris and I are here at home and all three kids are here and we as a family are together and so I feel this wave of joy and almost immediately a second wave came and washed over the joy and just washed it right out and the wave that came over me was sadness and grief that they were going to be leaving in three or four days I just felt this like heartbreak hit that wasn't even happening in the moment no anticipatory heartbreak and they just got here yeah and they just got here right and it was so acute and so I laid there for a minute I thought holy cat why am I sad I mean they're here and then of course I rolled over to kind of explain this to Chris and he had been up for two hours so there that the bed was empty um and I get up I brush my teeth I'm kind of thinking about this and then I get a text from you Amy and every morning Amy pulls a card for me and if you don't know what pulling a card is you will because we are going to lean into this at the Mel Robbins podcast she pulls a card and it's a mindfulness practice it's a way to get guidance from the universe from universal truth it's a way to tap into faith and magic in your life and so I've become basically addicted to checking my phone after my morning routine and seeing what card Amy has pulled for me and so Amy has a gift because every damn time you pull a card it's like some portal opens up and I am hit with Divine wisdom don't you feel that way Jesse and I don't even tell her ah what do you mean she doesn't even need to know what's going on she just gets the right card that is exactly what you need yes so here I am in this inquiry with myself about Joy grief happiness sadness um love and loss like just in it with myself and so I check my phone and Amy has pulled a card for me and she has texted me the card and she has texted me the description of what it was and one of the things that I love about you Amy is that you not only text the card but my favorite part is not the card my favorite part is your enthusiasm about the card that you have fold right Jesse and how you spit it back out to us yes like she literally goes this is your card baby get ready for this incredible message and and then she goes this is the card you and I pulled back in July I'm like how the hell do you remember this I do well because number one this card is feels like I feel like there's a very strong connection to you and this card for a lot of different reasons but you've actually you did get this card in July but then you got it again when we were doing uh another reading for you a past present future reading and this was your future card so this is always where you're going and where you are if you allow all of that like negative [ __ ] to go by the way wow and so he wrote I consider it the Mel card yeah and then you told me the message and it's the card is the garden of Venus why don't you tell me what this card means like what is this card has really deep meaning um and so immediately when I saw it when you do these oracle cards when you when you pull them for yourself or for other people um first of all I get very much into your energy and I and I ask um for your guidance to come through okay not my own guidance you know just for you and so then you just kind of like let your senses take over and the very first thing I saw was that there was a heart on this card that is might not be seen by everyone it's not the first thing that would jump out to everyone but there is a heart on this card yeah because it's a picture guys Garden of Venus beautiful garden in the center is a huge white glowing opening yeah and that's what I looked at I didn't even notice that there was a heart on that card yeah well that's really positive that you looked at that white opening because that is what's happening there's like a big opening for you happening right now um so anyway this card is about a bunch of different things as these cards always are and whenever you pull them that there's always a different message but for me immediately that message of just love and and happiness and rest and enjoying what you've created came through for me that's how I immediately felt for you the description um talks however about something that I think is really important that maybe is what you latched on to you want me to read it so that you can um yeah I mean I guess you could read yeah read it forever there is there is a part um it talks about the Sword and the mirror I maybe I'll just kind of summarize it really quickly the sword is you always needing to defend yourself your point of view your judgments the Way You Are that's the sword it's like you're constantly in battle with yourself with other people with Society with money with you know whatever it is like you're just always defending and that's I think a lot of us have that natural posture in life just back off or don't hurt me or how hard things are gripping or fighting gotta be hard fighting yeah all of that and it asks you to put down the sword and pick up the mirror and look at the beauty that you are the natural state of who you are and that's what we kind of talked about in this text chain that we had this morning like this is your natural state of beauty and peace and love and when you're so worried about what the sword's doing you don't take time to accept that about yourself what I got In This Moment hearing you say that is that the constant fighting with myself or fighting against the way things are the way that they should be is robbing me of this experience of love and happiness and joy and so what I wanted to share with both of you and with you listening to us right now is that I had this insane breakthrough this morning and I've been working on this breakthrough for two years because you know in the middle of you know the big kind of sea I don't even want to say the word anymore that where we're all you know locked up in our homes I just I just had a recording with myself in front of a mirror and I looked at myself and was like you're miserable and the harder you work and the busier you get the more unhappy you are and you've got to start to take you're unhappy your happiness seriously now you've got to figure out how to be happy and that might come as a surprise you know for you to hear as you're listening to Amy and Jesse and I talk to you that I at a Baseline was not a Content or happy person and Chris would always say to me God you're always like focused on what's wrong it's never enough it's never this and I would reject that full stop I'd be like no I don't I'm a really grateful person which I am I'm a really positive person which I am I'm I'm a really like you know I'm I you're like I'm I have happy times I I am like I'm not I'm not always I couldn't even see it and so here's the major breakthrough I had this morning around waking up and having a wave of Joy because all three kids are home and our families together then it immediately being wiped Away by grief and loss and fear and upset that oh no no no no no they're gonna leave the mirror and my true nature is the love and the joy and the second that the gripping and the fear and the but they're leaving and this and that that's me picking up the sword and I had this realization that oh my God I don't even realize how much I'm battling happiness inside myself it's like this campaign and this campaign of misery like I pick up the sword I start wielding it and I'm I'm fighting for misery yeah and there's always when you have a sword in your hand there's always something to fight yes and here's the thing when I'm thinking about the kids leaving in four days I'm not actually experiencing them being here no right right right and then they're going to leave and then I'm going to be thinking about when they come back you're not present and I'm the joy present to the Joy so I'm experiencing it on the surface we laugh we dance we do this yeah but deep down I am engaged in a campaign of misery and I think it's because I was my mom is always focused on like what's not working and she has bursts of happiness and I so like want her to be happy and there's always something wrong and it's as if I learned to speak both English and I also learned to pick up the sword and look for what's wrong and what I'm learning as I work on myself is I'm learning that that's not the language that I want to speak anymore yeah yeah that that that thing that the complaining that I heard of the griping or the upset or the sadness or whatever it was that constant campaign that pick up the four sword don't get too happy something's wrong you want to go out to dinner but I want to cook something I can see you getting yeah what's going on it was the two languages that you just said yeah you just battle all the time with it I get it yeah and when I'm at home I think we should call it the mother tongue yeah that is the truth because to talk to your mom you had to speak her language of isn't this horrible look at your father oh my God prices have risen again can you believe my my mom would always say holidays are women Killers oh I know since she said that wow she said like and that's and I had to kind of embrace that well did you also like go to the like okay I'm gonna try to fix it I'll try to make you happy I'll try to sure sure so we don't know any better as little kids that's what we think it's our duty to fix it so pick up the baby sword and to fix it you say yeah it is terrible it is it is so can you believe that yes because that was something that I always did too and maybe you guys did I never wanted to betray my mother's sense of safety in the world and like have her feel unstable and have her take that out on me so it was like I was always agreeing with the crazy that came out of her mouth keep the peace keeping the peace oh yeah and and and part of it like Mel when you say right literally did he did not know any difference well and same with her like she like my mom did not grow up in a loving household right it was a super hard-working farming family and you know I'm of course feeling terrified that when my mother listens to this she's going to be super pissed off at me and so I still have to say this because I don't want complaining or being present to what's wrong to rob me of experiences of Joy I do not want to be sitting here in my life right now where I can look in the mirror and I can experience these next four days and instead what the old me would do is I would be already in my head living in the reality that they're leaving and telling myself a story we don't live near our kids and I'm never going to see them again and something's wrong here and I would bring that energy into my day-to-day life and I don't want to do that like I don't I want to put the Sword Down I want to experience my life day to day and not be searching for what's wrong and not be engaged in my own private campaign of you know this isn't happening this way and that is and like even right now like we're recording this profound conversation and um Eric and Brian are banging Nails on the shed outside we're banging it out yeah we're banging it out on there you know like there's my mind searching for oh well this uh stop it Mel right stop it because you may not have realized that it was a second language that you're constantly speaking just like if your primary language that was spoken in your house was Spanish or it was Russian you speak that fluently and then if you like I feel like all of us have a verbal language and we have a subconscious emotional language and I was sharing this breakthrough with Chris this morning so he and he kind of he said this to me said you know so are you saying that in public you're very happy positive person but in private you're sad and miserable I'm like no it's way deeper than that on the surface I speak English and I am a happy positive optimistic person I because I am but deep down in the depths of my subconscious there is another language that I am speaking and I've labeled it a campaign of misery mm-hmm and even if you don't identify with this notion of looking for what's wrong or arguing against your own happiness everybody can relate to this idea that you know as you're ready to go on vacation and you're at work you're thinking about vacation as you're on vacation what are you thinking about getting back to work to work right and for me that sort of internal always on subconscious emotional dialogue is to search for something that is wrong right now or is about to go wrong and in this moment there is nothing wrong in fact I am living my greatest day ever because I'm here with you too who I love we are doing work that makes an impact that we [ __ ] love Yeah downstairs I hear the voices of the people I love the most and we're all together for three or four delicious days and happiness and contentment requires you to look in the mirror and be where your feet are and let that joy and happiness flood in and not pick up the sword and gut the happiness by going but this but the rest but the reservation but they're running late but the traffic but this but they're leaving but oh someone's like yeah if you're always looking for something wrong you'll find it yeah and I don't think I never realized the extent to which that was my default well and also I want to say it is your default because it was what you needed to do but it is not who you are like at a soul level right it is not like truly who you are it is just like that that language right yeah when you say subconsciously yes that's true you subconsciously you do that but on a soul level none of us are like this Garden of Venus state which is like well that's how we were born yeah and that's who you are you're wired for Joy that's why you miss it yeah you're wired for happiness that's why you miss it you're wired for connection that's why you miss it when you don't have it you're wired for love that's your that is your natural state and you know one other thing I want to say because while it sounds like oh blame your parents it's actually everything it's what life does to you it's the fact that as you go through life and you grow up and especially you know all three of us have survived childhood trauma all three of us have you know nervous systems that quickly jump to anxiety all three of us uh anticipate what could go wrong as a defense mechanism and most of our parents are wired that way too and we have an opportunity every single one of us to break that chain of speaking at a default level to ourselves about what's wrong about what's not working we have the ability to separate the language you speak with your mouth from the one that you feel in your body at a subconscious level that's a great way to put it how are you going to do that I have no [ __ ] idea well like how do you put down the sword yeah Chris asked me the same question because I didn't put it in the language of the sword but he's like how are you going to change this I'm like I I have been first of all I got to be nice to myself and I've got to bring compassion both to me and anybody that is in my family or around me that engages unknowingly in their own campaign of misery secondly I said to Chris this morning I'm 54. it is as fluent inside of me as English and I can learn a new language but just like learning a new language requires you to practice it every day and you'll slip into English if that's your default or you're slip into Russian or Spanish if that's your default I gotta make a commitment to myself to practice speaking and encoding and learning a different subconscious emotional language yeah and that when I slip into the one that I learned and have practiced forever it's an emotional subconscious default that you have had since before you could put words together you know we learned this from Dr Becky uh that from zero to five before you've got your own words and sentence structure and ability to truly describe the world around you you are absorbing while your brain is in a Theta state which is a state of hyper learning like a giant sponge is why little kids can learn a second language like that you're always learning two languages when you're born you're learning the one that's spoken out loud and you're learning the emotional language that is deeper underneath it right yeah and so you know your question Jesse how am I I have no [ __ ] idea I guess I'm gonna write about it my journal every day I'm gonna keep talking about it I'm going to catch those moments where the wave that is positive that I feel myself picking up the sword and gutting it mm-hmm you know and I see it everywhere I see it in work I see it and even with the podcast you know we came out of the gates and this has been so wildly successful and the downloads grow every day and it's just been extraordinary and there's like I I instead of Basking in WoW like we're we're making a difference this is resonating with people I feel that and then I see myself pick up the sword and I'm like right it's temporary it's luck you're gonna plummet off those and then I'm like ah right and then I Come From Fear instead of coming from my natural state which is I just want to have these conversations that allow us to share our lives with people and connect more deeply and that make a difference for all of us yeah I don't know how would you guys like I mean first of all what resonates with you about the language you speak versus this second language that we all learn two languages from birth I feel that and I've I've felt that um I call it like my tribe language of how my parents talk about you know the big things like money and relationships and uh big life events like how they view them uh I noticed years ago that if I'm gonna live the life that I want I need to leave this tribe not speak this language anymore and I did a lot of research around that and like how do I do this because it's painful to extract yourself from this family family from your family do you think that's what that's what you experience that is that sort of crunchy kind of thing that everybody has even though you may love your family deeply that there is still this sort of mismatch yeah when you all get together because you're at different states of evolving right and different states of we all speak this language with words but we are all engaged in learning a new language at a subconscious emotional level yes we've all moved on in some way and but we have our family roles we have our common language we have our tribal you know and I say tribal in the sense that like any group of three people that get together create a culture oh yeah that's the Seth golden research right right exactly so um so yeah I decided I don't want to do this anymore I am grateful for it you know like uh like Khan Marie like thank you for the lessons I've learned yeah and I'm moving on here I'm making a conscious decision to move on well you know what's also interesting is I think when you're present to it Jesse and Amy that oh okay there's this thing I speak and then there's this thing I want to feel deeply yeah and when you can get in touch with what is authentically who you are and what you want to feel what I've noticed is I have a much easier time not only with compassion and love but with boundaries yeah because I don't get hooked the emotional hooking in that is that's and that's almost that's a fluency because if you've ever been around friends that are bilingual so we have very close friends that uh she grew up in her parent her dad's from Jordan her mom is French and so she speaks fluent French and so does her husband and the kids are bilingual and we'll all be around them and super close family friends hi Mark and mine um what I've noticed is when they're all talking to us it's all English if they turn and say something to one another they speak in French because it's just like this thing and I think emotionally we hook into each other's emotional Languages by default yeah yeah we do so I so I so I so what are some of the practices because you're a little bit further ahead on the road like you you represent what I refer to often on this podcast is you're a light on the path okay so what are some of the practices that you have yeah so I think to number down the sword how do you recognize what your version of The Sword is I think number one just recognizing that there is a sword and that it's not and it can be put down just like what you're saying right now pat yourself on the back and I'm not kidding like do it right now pat yourself on the back for knowing that this is a good this is a good development for you and even if you walk away from it for like three months three years at least you know this knowing uh is is the start of something really awesome in your life so number one uh have you named yours because I've named Mine The Campaign I I love that I might I might adopt that no I I didn't name that but I might the campaign of misery sums it up pretty nicely you know it totally is um the one thing I started doing journaling was a very big part of my practice I would journal every day about this than I would for for a very long time then I would burn it I would literally put it outside in a in a pyrex bowl and burn it and then I would watch it burn it didn't take that long every day every day so you would wake up the phone I would take a picture we have to every day we have to put first of all we're gonna put this card in the description in the show notes so I walk us through I would burn it so I would I would do my morning Pages three pages of you know morning Pages just supposed to be three pages of your stream of Consciousness but I would purposely think about this tribal thinking and just write everything that I hated about it everything I loved about it like everything everything that was was happening in my life for three pages I would write about it I would crumple it up or rip it or whatever I would put it in this in this you know Pyrex Bowl so it I didn't like explode it and I would put it outside so would you like walk out to your front porch or your back deck okay and just put it out there and I would emotional at this burn it and I would close the sliding glass door and I would watch it burn from the inside safety yeah from the inside safety sometimes the wind would take it and I would be like good see ya goodbye every molecule of that paper that burned was one breath of that old language leaving me and so what I would do next was the most powerful thing for me I would go to the sink and I would wash my hands up to my elbows every day and that act of like cleansing myself from whatever I didn't want that just came out of me I just wow you know the image I just got what so my dad's an orthopedic surgeon yes and I think about the way in which a doctor washes their hands yeah before and after surgery yeah and I just and and I just got this image of my dad washing his hands all the way up to the elbows yeah and the ceremonial absolutely and scientific nature of cleansing like that yes and then it had this direct reference for me since he's a surgeon of the sword yes and surgery yeah and actually deliberately wow doing surgery to extract at a subconscious level yes this emotional language this campaign of misery that was my intention to extract that and not have that be a part of me I I'm gonna do this love it I love that I was raised in a family that taught me how to do this it helps me be so empathetic and compassionate towards other people yeah and now I feel like enough enough yeah I don't I I am very fluent in it thank you very much not anymore need it anymore not anymore you know and then another thing can I just ask one more question because I know I think that for those of us that don't have a practice of writing three pages yeah can we freestyle and come up with a prompt because I do think having everybody that wants to try this call this the campaign of misery yeah so I liked that you said what you love about it what you don't like about it so can we just kind of think up a prompt so as I go to do this tomorrow morning I got a great prompt give me the prompt what is this what I write on the top of every page every morning okay this will change your life how can this be easy how can this be easy I write that on the top Jesus yes what questions you have I'm like this what is what is this is that my day is that is everything wow because with The Sword and the subconscious language that where everything is hard is so hard we make our lives so hard you wake up you have joy oh let's not do that let's not do that emotion let's let's make it hard what is coming up for you because Jesse is with her gorgeous blue eyes yeah what is coming up you're right make it hard everything is so hard how do you make your tell me give us an example of how you made your life hard already today where were the disgusting thoughts the campaign of misery how did you pick up the sword against yourself oh as soon as I get in the mirror like what do you do days yeah you look like [ __ ] good luck today like not even good luck just right really oh yeah what else did you say to yourself um I get obviously super stressed and emotional with holidays um because of my family's never really cared about them and I'm trying to change that so that's also like How can I create my own language for my holiday in my new house with my new husband like all these things that I can start fresh how do I do that with nothing like from scratch what does that even mean what does it look like Jim asked me that too like what does it look like to have a tradition what tradition we can do it name it and I'm like uh I don't know I don't have I've been I don't have any is it like a certain dish is it a certain wreath that we have is it how could it be easy I just got what this is and it goes back to like I it's a campaign of misery but mine comes from like a victim Hood if that's even a word I know that's right of course my second language that I've been nurtured in yeah bathed in you know of like oh you're a victim you're a victim victim victim yeah not me but that's what I will be like oh yeah mom you are you're perfect yeah of course you're the only one um so that is kind of Under the Umbrella of the campaign of misery but you're right everything can be easy and that is our now I've never thought of it that way because it's always like oh God I have to do this this this this no it doesn't right it doesn't right it's so funny that we're talking what did you get what did you get Mel what did you get what Jesus yeah I was yesterday running around like a freaking lunatic it's the day before the day before yeah yeah so and it's lunatic season yeah because we're in a new house yeah yeah and I feel the same way like what are my traditions and I and you know we have plenty growing up I just like well what are mine yeah right and so then I'm like buying uh you know fake uh faux whatever the hell like things that go across your fireplace and then I'm like buying the little white trees that light up do I even like things yes and then it's just garbage yeah yeah so I'm like why and then I I'm sitting there today and I'm like we need a wreath we need a big wreath thing yeah and never be satisfied yes that's an awesome tradition and I invite you to just bake cookies instead yeah I know Hey listen I'm not saying like and here's what's interesting everybody I want to keep coming back to these two languages because the language that might have been spoken was joyous and happy and all this other stuff whereas emotionally yes the language was this is hard the emotional language everything seems to be perfect everything was always this is stressful families are a pain in the ass right you deal with yours I'll deal with like just holidays are women setting you up for Success all day long with that statement and all the other ones too like how can this be easy how can this be but I don't have an answer yeah but what if your answer is it can't listen it's not it's not about answering that question it's about training your subconscious mind to look for a different answer to a different question when you are working on the subconscious level you have to have a different thought you have to introduce a different thought into your being that's why you like oracle cards that's why you people like guided meditation people like prayer people like devotionals because it introduces a different thought a different thought interesting so when you are working on this level and you're realizing this is ingrained in me this is not just a quick fix I can't go to a seminar or I've been to a bunch of workshops is the 33rd Workshop going to be the answer I don't know no because you sit and listen yeah and you have an epiphany yeah but you don't do the work to encode right you don't do the surgery to cut out your [ __ ] exactly and you put in something burn it on your deck I want to burn it but the thing is when you write this I have written this on the top of my journal for five years maybe is that when you started doing it the campaign of misery inside me is already coming up going I don't like the question of course you don't yeah maybe we should go how can today be easy and maybe I should write no it's got to be spot the campaign of misery make this one a little and I look at that and I'm like that's hard to fill up three pages I don't know if I can do it you it's good you know what we're gonna do super easy I think we should ask Jesse Yeah to just silently write it and then when she's done we're gonna burn it good it doesn't have uh any of the holiday [ __ ] in it yet because you know what I've made it hard again all right so here's what we're gonna do I'm gonna give Jesse a notebook okay and I have another question about this prompt too yeah yes oh she don't like it either no well it's stressing me out because like I'm like oh do I just need to make like a to-do list of like if I have to do this how can I make it I still have to do this a to-do list but do you just shorten the to-do list instead of like 10 things combine it into three or is it so funny right sit here and I'm like I'm just analyzing yeah right go ahead coach but you do the same okay am I focusing this around Thanksgiving what is I still don't know what this is do we make it is it like work is it personal is it yeah today being Wednesday is it just right focus on the weather I don't know I get that it seems very overwhelming when you look at this because this is very confronting because it's not how we were raised it is not our natural language how can this be easy that is a very difficult question and if it is it's time to dig in here's here's what I will tell you how can this be easy notice how your mind searches for this is wrong I can't do this I won't do this well enough I don't have the right resources the instructions all of that yes notice how your mind is searching for you yes that's it just notice that you can write three pages of Amy's a complete jackass she has no idea what she's talking about I don't know what like write all of that that is what I invite you to write that stream of Consciousness is really helpful it still gets your mind thinking about how this can be easy part of the morning Paige's ritual is to get out all the crap right you've got like a Golden Buddha underneath like you know a a foot of hardened [ __ ] on the outside so we're getting through that hardened [ __ ] and getting to the Golden Buddha the hardened [ __ ] is what you're writing on the page so or the Golden Buddha right or the Golden Buddha it could be I find more Golden Buddha now nowadays after doing this practice for however long I've been doing it but it's okay to get the [ __ ] on the page it's okay to not get it right it's okay to not understand it it's okay to to just be in that in between but your courage and your bravery to be in the in between gets you closer to creating a new language for yourself a love language a language of acceptance I mean a language of possibility a language of inspiration that is all what I was searching for when I was doing this and I will tell you it has brought me there yeah and there is even more there is no Finish Line here it's like just this glorious marathon where everybody's high-fiving you all day long you know what I mean like it's just fantastic it will bring you there but you have to be willing to stay in that space of this isn't going to work I don't know if this is going to work because that will keep you grounded at least in the possibility that it might work yeah and I think it's overwhelming the more like I just listen to it the more I'm like actually You're Gonna Fill that [ __ ] up real fast it's scary though of like what could come out it's totally scary and that's why you burn it yeah that's why you're like you know what I'm glad I don't want to keep that down there that's that's what my sword is laying on top of we don't touch it yep and yep no one looks at that you know nobody don't know that direction and that's okay and nobody will and that's fine you're doing this for you I love this you're doing this for you well we're gonna go to a break yeah and Jesse's gonna write her three pages yeah and then we're gonna come back and we're gonna burn this [ __ ] let's do it so before we go downstairs I'd just love to hear what did it feel like to write three pages how can I make this easy I feel like I just flushed a toilet [Laughter] he's not a very profound professional French man spirit good riddance yeah I feel lighter how do you feel Jesse I feel like I just went through my own little therapy session I mean I started off really crying writing it not like really afraid not knowing what to write and then you ended it with like I don't know just it's night and day with my first sentence my first two sentences versus my last two which is really cool I hit every emotion in that which I've never read in the first sentence yeah I said breathe be still be present hug your husband hug Myrtle my cat relax trust your gut why does that make you emotional um because I need to say it more often that's what I need to do and just breathe be still be present hug my husband hug my cat those little joys I probably don't do them enough do them more do them as often I don't want to say as I should if I need to stop saying I should yeah there's that but just being still and being present you know it's so profound isn't it yeah and that was just the little things that were not even present to because we're busy should have done this should have done that that we're not hugging the people we love we're not greeting the cat we're not yeah running out the door we're you know on to the next I feel that too like just even as you said that like I didn't really hug my husband as I left this morning yeah I didn't either yeah yeah and that's an easy change yeah but it was you know I started with that with like literal handshaking just because I I didn't know how to start this where to start what is easy it's easy to breathe it's easy to be still and right now to be present with this pen and paper how did you end it um I ended it very confident um wow I want to hear this yeah if I can read just like yeah yeah whatever you're comfortable with I want to hear it you know we're around the holidays um even though I know you said don't read your papers yeah I don't but that's before you burn them but since it's holidays there's a lot of stress around holidays just being with family we don't live near our family and they've never been a tradition um so I just said it's okay to not be a family for Thanksgiving it's okay to spend my first Thanksgiving in our new home together with FaceTime it's all okay how it is exclamation point stop putting pressure to make others happy are you happy yes be thankful for you in your language your new tribe Starts Now Jesse wow and wow that is like there's just there's anger in here there was frustration in here there was doubt and it just comes out of like no you're [ __ ] happy it's okay to be happy and not be pulling in the dark side because everyone else does it or it's easy to relate on the dark or that's all you know that's all you've been trained to do and communicate that's what you're trying to do yeah I can relate to my mom so easy off of guilt and off of bad news what if I don't have any I find it and that's what I will talk to her about you know so now it's just it's change that language only present the good that I have a lot of that I don't give love to hmm whether it is my husband and my cat or it is just being thankful for myself it's beautiful yeah that's really moving that you start off in one place and that you end in another and you end with the Jesse that you want to talk to what did you say well you know what's really funny is I had a very similar theme to Jesse hmm relax just relax just be in the moment and relax yourself um I don't know yeah I was a little bit about breathing too I mean it's a really similar idea are you laughing uh you know the end is as I often find the end to be when I do this practice is like all right I can do this now that I took my emotional my what did you call a spiritual dump yep I I've got this and I can do this and that is that is I ended in the same spot about a totally different topic but I ended in the same spot I I can do this wow yeah well I started obviously with I don't know Screw you Amy the cat is pissing me off he feels feels hard he's peeing in the bathroom he's peeing on the floor he's scratching the new runner on the stairs he's needy and loud in the middle of the [ __ ] night he draws homie our puppy over leans in to sniff him as if he loves him then [ __ ] swats at him like what a dick easy like so I go on and on bitching about the cat yeah and then by the end of it um like similar stuff about the holidays because I always deeply miss my family around the holidays and yet I asked my folks to come and they said no they wanted to be in Florida and I asked them to come for Christmas and they said no and um I just it just makes me so sad and so I um you know how can this be easy open the door let love in let them be exactly who they are and who they aren't just figure out what makes me happy and do those things take a breath tell myself you're in a five-year experiment right now of healing of happiness and of creating a spiritual home base for yourself Mel how can this be easy let go stop gripping and just love oh hit it Mel yes that's beautiful same thing was true about the cat because I realize I'm so pissed off at him and and I need to come from love because he's clearly in distress something's up like he can't fix this himself so I gotta like rise above all of this resentment and anger that I feel yeah and just shower him with love and help him figure it out because I'll ask Chris who's gonna kill him I mean I was peeing in the house yeah really cool and again I didn't think I could fill up three pages but it just kept going once once she's really get into it yeah flush the toilet well I'll tell you what I know from doing this and this is just my experiences a lot of times you don't want to do it there's resistance you don't think you can do it you can't fill a page you don't want to talk about it you know whatever it is and then once you get going it's like just the floodgates open yeah I think this is an act of reprogram think about this like I think about this like reprogram your mind I think one of the reasons why so many of us love prayer or meditation or oracle cards or you know like reading a book like um the book of Awakening that gives you like a daily devotional is that it gives you a new thought yeah to Anchor onto when your old one sucks and this prompt how can this be easy forces you to have a new thought to anchor on instead of the old one which for all of us I'm going to say is what's wrong what's not working what's hard what's the problem what do I have to complain about yeah give your mind a different job your mind right now has a job of looking for what's horrible cutting it down to make it the worst ever like not accepting Joy not accepting happiness that's the job that most of us give our mind that's the job that I realize I gave my mind all the time how can this be even worse yeah what's that getting me yeah well and here's the thing I don't think this is the wake-up call everybody you didn't realize that your mind was doing this job it's been doing it for so long it just runs on repeat so now it's time for us to take control put down the damn sword stop the campaign of misery pick up the [ __ ] pen and write a new chapter for real like train your brain to spot how things this can be easy train your brain how can this be easy how can this make me happy how can I let love in start writing a whole new way to think that's what I'm going to do let's go burn this [ __ ] let's go burn it yeah you already crumpled yours up which is great I'm gonna actually rip mine up because of I just feel like that kind of gets out a little okay extra emotion yeah Jessie's feeling it see ya I just felt something like yeah I feel like a rip rip it up rip it up wow what how that just landed this be easy on top all right so sometimes that happens too like sometimes you really get like a message even in that so then I just um light it take a match highlight Jesse's for her difficult then you mean wow and then I just have a habit of standing back from it and watching it burn and just saying to myself let it all go just let all that complaining [ __ ] you don't need and the stuff you don't want let it be going what do you do when it stops burning like I'm now worried about yours it's mine yeah I know sometimes that happens uh because mine's not lighting you know it's funny that kind of crumpled ashy remain is what that black tar wave of misery actually felt like you're right that I felt this morning wow like that physical burnt paper that's left in that Pyrex dish looks like misery yes that's what I feel when I think for example about the kids all leaving instead of being present in the moment it's sad yeah oh yours is smoking difficulty with mine not really it's just taken some it's taking a little time Amy's burning hers what are you feeling Jesse very satisfied I don't know why that happened so fast and there's so much hesitation to write it and how do I start it how do I do this this and it was easy isn't that incredible right it's easy it's easy and I feel so much better if I do this again tomorrow will I write most the same stuff of course I think a lot of it will be the same right now but again you keep burning it keep getting rid of it it was easy Chris will be out here in his ice Barrel doing the cold plunge and I will be doing the fire ceremony yeah with my thoughts yeah putting the sword down what do you think Mel yeah what were your thoughts um seeing the physically burnt paper is very helpful for me because now I have like this image to attach to the thoughts and the feelings um so I can separate from it because I just want to be happier in my life and the only reason that I'm not is because of this battle that I engage in right and so that almost honestly looks like a burnt sword you know it just yeah put it down and I felt the same thing you did too Jesse that um it's a lot of work to carry this [ __ ] around and it's a lot of work even though it's subconscious to be griping and complaining and present to what's wrong and everything's hard and that energy it just it's a lot and it was pretty easy to let it go once I made a decision to what is so heavy and it's the heavy thoughts like you said Mom but it's really not it's just that they're just thoughts [Music] awesome that was really cool well Amy thank you yeah and um I can't wait to hear uh what you think I want you to do this exercise and if you want to see the burning ceremony we put up full unabridged episodes on YouTube Just Go to youtube.com melrobbins and you can watch what we just did on the front porch up here in southern Vermont where my kids will never visit I'm just kidding that's a joke that was a joke that was a joke everybody see put down Robin is writing jobs yeah um and you know look I I think I hope today was a wake-up call for you I hope that you saw where you pick up the sword and you fight for misery instead of the happiness that you deserve and I hope that you not only got a wake-up call but that you got handed a pen and that you're going to write not only new neural Pathways but a whole new experience of your life being happier and um in case nobody else tells you we will tell you we love you we do love you we love you so much I believe in you and I believe in your ability to put down the sword stop with the campaign of misery pick up the pen and truly truly experience the happiness that you deserve all right talk to you in a few days thank you [Music] [Music] foreign hey it's Mel thank you so much for being here if you enjoyed that video bye God please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing thank you so much for being here we've got so much amazing stuff coming thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family I love you we create these videos for you so make sure you subscribe

Channel: Mel Robbins

Views: 39,761

Keywords: Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins Motivation, Mel Robbins Advice, inspiration

Id: PMMdW3tGWRY

Length: 59min 5sec (3545 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 05 2022