3 SIMPLE steps to create POWERFUL changes in your life | The Mel Robbins Podcast

foreign and welcome to the very first episode of the Mel Robbins podcast I am so freaking fired up to be here with you this has been a long freaking time coming am I right I've been thinking about doing this damn thing for so long and now the day is finally here I'm sitting here with my mic in my hand I've been thinking about this moment forever I'm so excited to talk to you I'm just bursting at the seams I gotta take a deep breath because I don't want to be shouting at you the entire time that we're doing this first episode so first of all thank you thank you for being here with me thank you for listening thank you for inviting me into your life as you work at home run errands go for a walk I gotta say your support and how you have shown up for the Mel Robbins podcast it is blowing me away I have a hard time accepting compliments accepting gifts accepting health it's part of my type A personality and I am so overwhelmed because of you and your excitement and your enthusiasm and your support this podcast is debuting as the number one ranked education podcast in the freaking world and that's not all we are a top-ranking podcast on every single platform out there I don't even know what to say clearly you are as excited about this as I am and I am overwhelmed by your support I am grateful and I'm also grateful because the day that this episode comes out it's my 54th birthday and as I sit here I just want to tell you your support and you being here listening is the single greatest birthday present I've ever received my mission with the Mel Robbins podcast is simple to help you create a better life and everybody keeps asking me so what's the show about well the show is about you and me creating a better life and every single episode it's going to be packed with entertaining and actionable takeaways that you can apply to your own life it'll also have the simple science-backed tools and inspiration that I've taught to people around the world that have helped them change their lives and to find the happiness and fulfillment that you deserve now how's this going to work simple I'm going to be here twice a week every single week with the inspiration the hilarious stories yes you will absolutely meet a ton of amazing and inspiring people on this podcast through the interviews that I'll do as we dig into topics that we you and I care about but mostly this podcast is you and me we're going to dig into life together every single week I'm going to take you behind the scenes and on the road and into my life in real time and I got to tell you that's somewhat problematic because right now if you could see me I am sitting in the corner of a hotel room on the floor surrounded by a fortress made of pillows and couch cushions and blankets and there's a construction site outside and so I have to stop and then start and stop and then start but that's my commitment I don't want this to be a show I can't do this thing in a studio I want this to be two friends having a conversation I want this to be deeply connected to what's going on in my life and so that's what I'm going to do and I'm going to be sharing the relatable ups and downs as they happen in my family and in my business and in my head and I'm going to give you the takeaways and the breakdowns and the secrets as I'm unpacking them and learning them and discovering them because here's the deal I am committed to supporting you and I hope you will support me as we both go after our dreams and we both try to improve our lives now I know that there are a ton of new folks listening to this podcast and so I really wanted to just take a moment before we jump into the topic and say welcome and I also wanted to introduce myself to those of you who may be hearing my voice for the first time now between you and me I hate it when somebody asks me so what do you do for a living because the truth is I've done a lot especially in the past 10 years as my husband and I have clawed our way out of bankruptcy and one by one teed up and faced the problems in our lives and address them and as I've done the work to build the business and the following that you see today but when I start to explain my background Or List off accomplishments I just feel really self-conscious because the fact is I don't think about myself as someone who's done all these things I'm just focused on sharing what I'm learning and helping people and I just figure that boy now that I'm on the other side of so many issues I struggled with if I can save you the headache and the heartache that I cause myself because I just didn't know any better that is so fulfilling and that's what motivates me so you know I was sitting here going okay I gotta introduce myself how do I do this in a really fun way how do I make this entertaining how do I give you an insight to who I really am and I thought oh I got a great idea what if I asked are 17 year old teenage son Oakley Robbins if he would come on and tell you what he tells people when they say what did your mom do now when I first asked him about this he was like no there's no what I'm not introducing you have somebody else introduce you I'm like and I talk to him I explain why it would really support me and it would really help me and so he acquiesced he's not that happy about this I have no idea what he's going to say there is not a script in front of him and so everybody please welcome Oakley Robbins all right so pretty good so I so I asked somebody that knows me really well to introduce me to you guys and that person is me her son Oakley Robbins my 17 year old son everybody I was asked to introduce my mom I don't like introducing myself or my mom so I just gotta jump right into it okay go so let me tell you about my mom guys she's the most successful female motivational speaker in the world it's pretty big but not as big as not as big as the fact that she was on CNN for four years wait that was a long time ago yeah but it's CNN four years why was that a big deal because it's CNN I know but how old were you nine how did you even know what that was because like it's a popular News broadcasting agency I don't know not important it is important moving on she's a self-published book author she wrote two books uh the five second rule and the high five habit boom she also wrote a journal the the journal she has six audio books because audible loves her I love audible she has a YouTube channel right there million Subs that's big um does it bother you that your mother has a million subs and you still have not started your YouTube channel no okay in time in time um but it does bother me that all my friends know who you are and all they do is talk about you oh that would suck I know they're literally gonna pull up this video and be like Oakley look it's you I'm gonna be like I know um but on a more important note people do stop you to say like Mel you've changed my life in this way in this way and it's really cool except she has yet to change my life so it's not important but seriously though she's an awesome person and the best mom I could ask for and when I want to chill I'd say I go to dad because he's literally the chillest guy ever but uh when I need honest when I literally need anything I go to this person right here that's true because you called me after midnight on Saturday oh no no no no no no no you couldn't say that you can't say that you can't say that you can't say that you didn't call your dad you called your mom well because you he wouldn't pick up any of his toe beds so you called me yes because I can fix anything yeah yeah that's true and I also have your back always okay that was bad let's do that again I'm not really sure I would do that again with you Oakley okay I wouldn't either so okay you can leave now can I tell the story about what happens I don't know no I got a podcast to do can you leave now no can you leave please because I got I got stuff I need to talk to everybody about thank you ladies and gentlemen that was Oakley Robbins thank you thank you okay well that didn't go the way I thought it would but it was definitely way more fun than listening to me read some list right but so far nothing has gone according to plan with episode one I have recorded this about 17 different times I thought I was going to be in some kind of fancy studio and obviously I'm now in a pillow fort and I've learned the hard way that it shouldn't be in a fancy Studio because this isn't a show that's not my intention here I want to have a conversation with you I want this to feel like you're talking to a friend I want this to be a back and forth and you know what I love about sitting here on the floor of my room I kind of feel like you're sitting across from me that we're just having a cup of coffee or we're hanging out and we're talking about life and so today here's what I want to talk to you about I want to talk to you about three simple steps that you can take to create powerful changes in your life and I'm talking really big changes yes the steps are simple but simple over time creates amazing results and simple is important because if it's simple you can do it as I already said these are the three steps that led me to launching this podcast they're the three steps that I use to help me start working on my marriage and making my mental health stronger they're also the three steps that help me make the move from a very busy and stressful life outside of Boston Massachusetts where my husband Chris and I had raised our family for the last 26 years and make a major move and a major change to a simpler Lifestyle by moving to a Tiny Town in southern Vermont Now using these three steps I not only changed my life I have reinvented every aspect of my life over the past two years and today I'm going to share those steps with you I'm going to tell you the whole story and I want to help you I want to inspire and Empower you to make the changes that you have been thinking about as you go about your day-to-day life you know speaking of life I think about life as one long road trip your past right now is behind you it's in the rear view mirror and the future it's right out that windshield that's why the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror because we're not going backwards people we're not doing that to ourselves we're going ahead and you know what's in front of you an Open Road every single birthday I believe is a mile marker on this road trip called life it's a chance to pull over for a second and think about the open road ahead where do you want to go next how fast you want to go how slow who do you want to have in the car with you there's endless metaphors around this and it helps me think about this major topic of reinvention and change now I love birthdays I'm sure you do too and I love them for so many reasons because every time you're celebrating a birthday I mean think about what you're actually celebrating we're celebrating the fact that you're still here we're celebrating your existence that you're breathing that you're alive how cool is that and you want to know what else we're celebrating when we celebrate your birthday we're celebrating the possibility and Magic that your life and the future and that next year holds for you now there's one part of celebrating your birthday that I want you to really think about okay you know that moment when the cake comes out your mom or your dad or your spouse or your friends or the waiter they bring out that cake and the candles are burning on top and everyone starts singing happy birthday to you and then they put the cake down you look at the candles you close your eyes and you make a wish and for just a moment time stops have you ever noticed that as that cake gets closer to you and you start going inside and thinking about the wish that you're going to make you don't even hear anybody singing anymore you hear something inside yourself you hear something deep from within you close your eyes you grab that wish and you blow out those candles as if it's going to magically make that wish come true and when you open your eyes you're present to the wish you feel excited for the year and you can almost see all the new possibility that you could tap into in the year ahead well researchers have a name for this exact moment it's called The Fresh Start effect when you make that birthday wish you break from your past self and this transformational window of time opens up you think bigger you feel hopeful and inspired and there's some incredibly interesting research that explains why these moments are so powerful I'm looking right now at a study from the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania where they've studied the intrinsic motivational power of this Fresh Start effect researchers studied moments in our life where we feel motivated to make big changes and birthdays are an example of that it's as if a birthday hands you a blank slate a clean page a fresh start at a whole new year and this feeling inside you ignites an intrinsic motivational aspirational Force that's hardwired within you it's this power to change now you've experienced this Fresh Start effect at other times in your life too just think about the new year January 1st hello Fresh Start effect now January 1st is one of those moments where all of a sudden last year ends boom slam the door on that year and something new opens up a whole new you a clean slate an open road this is why by the way so many people start a diet on January 1st hello Mel Robbins so many people go to the gym for the first time on January 1st it gives them a natural mental starting line to cross on a new leg of the journey called life how cool is that you also experience this Fresh Start motivation with every new semester in school the start of a new sports season you feel like this could be our year right that's the Fresh Start effect the birth of a child a breakup a wedding a death these are all moments in time where something ends and something else begins and it's not only happening in the physical space it's happening in the psychological and spiritual space that's why so much stirs inside you according to the research I just realized you know this Fresh Start effect this is probably why I'm addicted to buying new journals every time I get a new Journal I crack it open and I literally feel like a new Mel is about to pour out on all those open empty pages this phenomenon is so powerful that researchers have even created a label to describe anything that triggers that Fresh Start motivate nation that stirs inside you like your birthday January 1st that new Journal a new semester at school these things are called temporal landmarks now let me explain what a temporal Landmark is a temporal Landmark is a date or an experience or a physical thing that marks the passing of time January 1st for example is a date it marks the end of one year and the beginning of a new year and when the new year begins you cross that starting line mentally to think about a whole new you your birthday is the exact same thing it's another year another mile on the road of your life and this creates all kinds of new possibilities about the stretch of open road ahead a new semester is an experience that's always brimming with excitement new friends new experiences a chance to think differently about who you are and how you're going to show up and what you want a breakup or a divorce now that's a major temporal Landmark because it not only marks time it also impacts your identity your life as a couple before and now your life as you after the breakup but here's what researchers have found that I think is fascinating about what happens to your psychology and motivation and thinking temporal landmarks not only Mark the passing of time they open up a whole new mental accounting period just like an accountant closes the books at the end of a fiscal year and opens up a fresh page to begin a whole new fiscal year the event whether it's January 1 the first of the month the Monday the end of a fiscal year or making a wish on your birthday this landmark creates a break from the past you it separates you from the things that you feel are imperfect and it silences all that judgment that you have about yourself and here's the cool thing when you shut that judge inside you down you open the door to A Whole New Vision for yourself it creates a break from your past self the things that you feel are imperfect about you or your life and the things that you judge yourself for and here's what's really amazing when you stop judging yourself and you stop focusing on what you think is wrong with your life you open up the floodgates to what might be so let's go back to that moment when you make a wish on your birthday as soon as you see that cake coming with those candles burning you go in you stop hearing everyone singing You Close Your Eyes why because mentally a new accounting period is opening up you stop caring about the song and the people around you and what's happening outside of you you tune into what you're feeling on the inside in your heart in your soul what you dream about that thing that's calling from you deep inside that normally you can't hear because you're so focused on all the stupid stuff that we all obsess about no one even has to tell you to close your eyes you see that cake coming you know that you can make a wish you just do it naturally and when you go inward you're disrupting the circuitry of your old thinking your old judgments and your past habits for just a moment you're escaping the old you and then you make the wish a wish for what could be a wish for what will happen this year in the next year of your life and the same thing happens when you sit down at the end of the year and you create resolutions not the one you share with people at a party I'm talking about the real ones that you write down in your Journal here's another moment like that you know that moment after a really painful breakup this one takes a little bit of time because you basically need to cry and feel bad about yourself for about a month or two you know and then one morning you wake up and you realize oh my God I'm happy that's over I'm better off single and you let go of the relationship and the version of you who was holding on to it for so long and more importantly in that moment of acceptance you stop judging yourself and you realize you'll be okay no you'll be more than okay you're going to be great because of this and then you start to do the work to create a better life these temporal landmarks are a big psychological deal because something really profound happens inside of you for a second you snap out of all the stressful [ __ ] that's going on and the relentless self-criticism and you have this mental Freedom this temporary break from your normal negative thinking and you allow yourself to consider the bigger picture you allow yourself to Envision the future you tap into your deepest hopes your wildest dreams and your most exciting aspirations you see a vision for a better life you see that yes you deserve to be happy and that's exactly what I want you and I to experience today on episode 1 of the Mel Robbins podcast let's hold each other's hand and sit side by side and imagine what might be possible in the next year of Our Lives if we let go of the past and we hold on to our dreams that's the invitation I'm giving to you allow yourself to have a fresh start you don't have to wait for your birthday or January 1st to change your life you can turn the page on the past and start writing that new chapter today and in just a few minutes I'm going to share the three simple steps that you can use to create that powerful change that you've been wishing wanting or dreaming about the fact is change is possible and you can't convince me otherwise I know you might try but I know that it's a fact change is possible it's possible for everyone and it's possible for you now we're going to talk about this in depth but the bottom line is if you can imagine that new chapter there is a way to make it happen and I guarantee you someone else on the planet has done it I mean there's about eight billion people on this planet someone else has faced what you're going through right now someone else has built the company that you dream about building someone else has gone from where you are to where you envision yourself going someone else has improved their relationship healed their mental illness and if someone else has done it you can do it too start seeing people in the world around you as evidence of your own success being possible I want you to start saying to yourself if they can do it then I can do it other people's success just proves that you're worthy of what you want and more importantly that you're capable of reverse engineering how they got there and doing the work to get it for yourself now I get it it might not happen the same way or look the same way you might not be starting on the same starting line and it might not take the same amount of time but if you keep telling yourself if they can do it I can do it you're going to change your mindset and you're going to see that yes it's true there is Limitless success love money and happiness there's enough for everyone and there's enough for you and I want you to use me as an example from time to time if Mel Robbins can do it then I can do it and honestly I'm going to be looking to you for the same encouragement from time to time because I'm sure there are things you've accomplished or experienced that I haven't so let's agree we're going to encourage one another through this thing okay I know how to create massive change because I just did this in my own life over the past two years I've completely reinvented myself and every aspect of my life and look I'm not being dramatic it's a fact it wasn't easy but it was worth it the Mel Robbins that you're hearing right now is not the Mel Robbins that I was just two years ago two years ago to this exact birthday on the day that I turned 52 I did not wake up and feel like a million bucks I did not see an open road I saw a dead end I was not kicking ass and taking names two years ago when I turned 52 I was sucking wind I woke up all alone I felt lost and stuck and scared here's what was going on in my life I had just been fired from my dream job and look I'd been fired from other jobs in the past when I was younger but boy at 52 that really stings then with kovid the speaking and event business came to a halt and as a small business owner I'm responsible for the livelihood and health care of 15 families including my own so I started to panic as the income dried up I had no idea how I was going to continue to make payroll and to add to that I had people in my inner circle that betrayed me they lied to me they stole from me so I just felt rocked because people that I trusted that I had counted on had violated that trust that's what made me feel so damn alone plus then College was canceled remember that so we were all under the same roof with our three kids two of whom were in college and they were all anxious and angry and sad and grieving I mean it was like living with caged animals I bet you felt a lot of these same things and finally my husband Chris he had just been diagnosed with long-term depression I mean talk about a shitstorm I felt like absolutely everything was spiraling out of control so here I am on my 52nd birthday with all this going on and I wake up in the bunk room at my mother-in-law's house where we're quarantining and I just started crying the sadness that I had been trying to push down it just poured out of me and I instinctually picked up my phone and I just started filming how I felt I figured someone out there on the internet would relate and maybe just maybe they might even be able to give me some encouragement back now when we come back after a short word from our sponsors I'm going to play that video that I made on my 52nd birthday and you're gonna hear that sad lost Mel Robbins and I want you to hear it because I want you to know I've been there and I've been there recently and clearly if I'm where I'm at now kicking ass taking names going after my dreams doing better than ever I know how to bridge the gap from where you are to where you want to go and later in the episode I'm going to share those three steps with you that I took to make powerful changes and reinvent my whole life so that you can use those same proven simple steps to make whatever changes you want in the next year of your life we'll be right back hey all right so today is my 52nd birthday and um normally on my birthday I wake up excited because I feel like I've just been handed a clean slate and the opportunity to create a brand new year and um I spend the day reflecting on the last couple years and I spend um the day brainstorming about what I want to create this year and this year is not a normal year I did not wake up feeling excited I woke up feeling lost because as I thought back over the last few years it's been an incredible Adventure but I've experienced a tremendous amount of change in my professional and personal life that has just knocked me on my knees from losing my daytime talk show to having my book contract rescinded to having the speaking business basically implode until at least another year from now um to not being able to be with you face to face to not being able to work with my team face to face I just got rocked and then on top of it our son wanted to go to high school in Vermont and so we are in the process of moving from the home that we've been in for over 20 years and raised our kids up to a very small town in southern Vermont where I know very few people and I feel very disconnected and the result of all this is I feel stuck in between two lives my old life which has ended and a new life that I have yet to create for myself and when I look ahead to the future I feel overwhelmed I feel lost I feel disconnected I in some ways I feel like I don't even know who I am because I feel so disconnected from the things that make me feel alive and happy oh my God I was really lost I mean just hearing 52 year old me sound like that so sad it just puts a pit in my stomach oh my God and look I can kind of laugh about it now because I'm on the other side of this thing but when you're in it it can be overwhelming if I could go back in time and talk to the 52 year old me here's what I would do I would say first of all that's a lot you should have a good cry then I would give Mel a big huge hug because in moments like that we need reassurance but then then comes a tough love I'd be like look Mel you got to remember who you are you can face this and then I would drop this quote on her hey woman if you want to fly you got to give up the [ __ ] that weighs you down Tony Morrison said that and boy ain't that the truth you've got to give up the [ __ ] that weighs you down and a lot of times at least with me what's weighing me down it's my own attitude and I know you can relate to that I just hate that saying it is what it is no it isn't it is what you make it to be the fact is there is always something you can do to make yourself feel just a little bit better and when you do something that makes you feel a little better no matter what's going on that boost in your mood that boost in your attitude it is essential to helping you face any Challenge and improve any situation and even though in that video I felt lost there were three things that I did and that I continued to do over the past two years and that I continue to do now all of which is rooted in research to pick myself back up and face the mess that my life had become and more importantly to start doing the work to create the life I wanted I believe that you are capable of changing I do I've just seen too much evidence over the course of my career amazing changes the people just like you and me have made so I know you're thinking well this is great Mel but where do I begin so step number one You Begin by making a wish just like that moment on your birthday when you close your eyes and wish for something to come true in this next year of your life right now do the same close your eyes and think about the next year of your life what do you want the next year of your life to look like Begin by making a wish that's how I began two years ago yep my business was upside down kids were in shambles my husband was struggling with depression and I was struggling with everything I had to create a break from that moment of pain and allow myself to see something different at the time I had no idea what the new chapter of my life would be or could be here's what I did know I don't want to stay in this one and that's all you need to know all you need to know is you don't want to stay in the place that you're in right now that right there is a wish for something better if you know what you don't want it's very easy to change as soon as you start removing or letting go of things that aren't working you'll see all new possibilities so let's go back to that video that I made on my 52nd birthday because once I laid it all out there I instinctually laid out the three steps I was going to take I made a wish I identified some things that I could do that would make me feel a little better and I also changed my attitude and if I can do it so can you so let's go back to the rest of that video from my 52nd birthday and you're about to hear 52 year old Mel wipe away the tears and start taking action here are the steps I'm going to take number one self-awareness is critical so recognizing that you feel lost or disconnected or suspended between your old life and your new life overwhelmed whatever you feel it's so important to name it because when you name it you bring it out of the feeling in your body and out into the world and then you can do things to tame that feeling number two the most important thing that you should do is move your body because all this negative emotion is trapped in your body right now and it's only through exercise and motion that you'll move it out of your body and you'll change your emotional state so I am going to go put on an exercise tape and work up a sweat will that solve all my problems no but it will put me in a better emotional state so that I can [Music] think more clearly and more optimistically and start to see Solutions number three the best advice about happiness is happy people do things that make them happy and so after you move your body and you change your emotional state do one thing that makes you happy and for me I'm going to go out and buy myself some beautiful flowers I've been doing a lot of writing this morning just dumping all my thoughts onto paper and I think journaling out your thoughts is a really important thing to do when you feel stuck or overwhelmed or suspended and then finally continue to remind yourself that this is temporary this is temporary this moment is temporary these feelings are temporary this feeling of stuckness and overwhelm is temporary oh whoa oh oh those sneezes are temporary and I think the biggest thing about that Mantra that this is temporary is so is your life and maybe that's why birthdays are overwhelming because they always make you think about the timeline of your life and so after you become self-aware and you move your body which moves your emotions and you do something simple that makes you happy and you dump all your thoughts on a piece of paper remind yourself that this is temporary and force yourself to start dreaming again because when you give up on your dreams you give up on yourself and I think that's one of the reasons why I woke up feeling lost today when I look ahead I don't see anything I'm looking forward to because I haven't created something new to look forward to and that's the secret how you're feeling right now is a function of what you see in the future and if you see overwhelm and a blank page and nothingness that's how you're going to feel right now and so I want you to dream big I want you to put something on that paper that's out in that future that calls to you that gives you something to look forward to to go for that's how you will pull yourself out of it and that's how I'm going to pull myself out of this too so that's my birthday message not really inspiring it's authentic and it's real because this is where I am right now and I also know that despite how low I feel I have a choice I have a choice about what I do about it I have a choice about who I'm going to be in the face of it and I have a choice about what comes next so by God I'm going to 54321 push myself to create a future that really empowers me and I want you to do the same too if you could do anything for me for my birthday it would be for you to dream really big today that would mean everything to me I love you way to go 52 year old me Mel if you could only see where you end up two years later you'd be so proud of yourself woman and you know what when you follow these same three simple steps you're going to be proud of yourself too and I want to make sure you're not just listening along or watching this podcast episode on YouTube I want to make sure you're able to apply these three takeaways and what you're learning in this episode to your own life right now so let's recap what you've learned so far you've learned about the Fresh Start effect and how temporal landmarks can trigger a whole new chapter in your life and unlock the intrinsic motivation that's inside you that's going to help you take action let's create your fresh start right now step one you already heard this make a wish just ask yourself one powerful question what do I want the next year of my life to look like number two no matter how you feel start taking the actions that align with what you want in your life stop making the mistake of waiting to feel happy or motivated before you take action the secret it's taking action first because if you can get moving you can keep moving and research shows that just a little boost in your mood impacts your productivity for the rest of the day it impacts your focus it gives you a little uptick in energy taking actions that align with the bigger vision and the future you it Taps into this huge body of research called behavioral activation therapy now you're going to learn a tremendous amount about this therapy modality in future episodes of the Mel Robbins podcast but here's how I'd summarize it for you act like the person you want to become in the future no matter how you feel in the present moment look I know it sounds simple act like the future you but this is grounded in decades of research and it works this is how I've made every single change in my life once I figure out what I want to do or the kind of person I want to become I figure out someone else in the world that's doing it and I just reverse engineer it and that's how you create a brick path that leads from where you are right now to where that wish of yours wants to take you and every morning wake up take one action in the lines with what you want or the person that you want to become and you can consider that action it represents one brick and if you keep doing that day by day Brick by Brick action by action you're going to look up a year from now and you'll realize oh my God I just paved a brick path leading to my dreams what the heck Melrose right and step number three in making powerful change in your life find the proof that you can do it it's all around you you just need to look for it find anyone that has the life that you want or that has made the change that you want to make the relationship the career the body the family the friend group anytime you see someone who has already made the change you want to make in your life tell yourself there's proof it exists use people as evidence that yes you can have what you wish for too if you're willing to work for it see people as a light on the path to your future self for years that was not me I was the opposite I did not see other people as lights on my path I saw people as robbing me of the lights that I wanted I had this really stingy jealous and insecure attitude if a friend of mine was renovating their kitchen I would smile the tight smile that people have when they're faking their smile and I go oh it's so pretty I love the white cabinets but inside I was seething with jealousy and the reason why is because I believed that somebody else's happiness or success somehow was robbing me of mine it's the opposite their beautiful kitchen means if I can work for it I can have one too they're amazing relationships means I can create it too their success or the business they've built means it's possible for you too this alone if you just do this third step this one mindset flip it is a complete Game Changer here's how you do it there is unlimited success happiness and fulfillment in the world you're not in competition with anyone the only one that can rob you of the success happiness and fulfillment that you deserve is you and your excuses and fears and sitting around waiting to feel motivated we're going to stop that today correct good I'm glad you're listening because we're not doing that anymore you're not going to wait six years to get started you are going to start taking actions that align with what you want now and when you see other people as evidence of what's possible for you as you start seeing them not as extinguishing your light but lighting the path that you're now walking on holy cow talk about throwing gasoline on that internal fire of yours and by the way don't you ever forget you are a light on the path for someone else and you don't even realize it so think about that for a second you are just a step or two ahead of someone else I mean if you've grieved the Lost of a loved one if you've changed your career if you've survived heartache if you've sold a family home if you've reinvented some aspect of your life if you've lost weight if you're able to live with depression if you're the first in your family to graduate from college your life experience proves to someone else that it's possible for them too so you better make sure that as you start chipping away at your own wishes and goals that you hold that light up a little bit higher for everybody that's behind you now these steps sound super simple so I'm gonna go through them one more time because I want to make sure you get how powerful they are so let's go back to 52 year old Mel and let me explain how each one of these steps worked for me back when I was sad and lost two years ago so step number one you make a wish you gotta consider that question what do I want my life to look like now here's the truth I couldn't answer that question two years ago when I was 52 sitting there crying in the bunk room I had no idea I didn't know what I wanted I didn't even know how to fix all my problems and that's okay you don't have to know the answers because those will come but I did know I didn't want to stay feeling sad and that's all I needed to start the change because step two is once you know one small thing I don't want to feel so sad I don't want to be lost on my birthday just take actions that align with that thing that you want I wanted to be happier so I just focused on simple things I could do in that day to make me feel a little better I get it this isn't rocket science but it works but somehow when you start to apply this stuff it does feel like rocket science because it does launch you somewhere else so that day I exercised I bought myself flowers I watched some stand-up comedy specials on TV so I would laugh a little I just force myself to do those things to start walking toward what I wanted which was just to feel a little happier and look this stuff doesn't work overnight it works over time and so every day I just woke up and I kept making myself do the things that made me feel a little better even though I didn't feel like it simple things exercising journaling and I kept on contemplating that question what do I want my life to look like and over time day after day brick after brick as I added in positive forward action aligned with feeling a little happier and as I started to let go of things that were bringing me tension or sadness or friction the answer started to emerge I didn't want to travel so much for work I didn't want to miss out on my son's High School the way I missed out on our daughter's High School experience I wanted to get reconnected at a really deep level with my husband I wanted to have time to see friends again and do things in the community I didn't want to feel so damn busy and burnt out and I didn't want to fall asleep with a to-do list on my mind and wake up every morning panic-stricken because of how much I had to get done I wanted to simplify my life and get serious about being happier and more content in it and as you ask yourself the question what do you want your life to look like be patient as I got clearer about what I wanted and then I aligned my actions with that new vision I started acting like the person I wanted to become simplifying means saying no it means asking for help and I chipped away day by day and I started getting my mental health in order slowed down and I created an entirely different relationship with my husband by jumping into therapy I also started being more present with my kids and through all these small changes I realized something bigger it was time to sell the house that we had raised our kids in for 26 years outside of Boston Massachusetts and create a simpler life in southern Vermont and as I started to say no and put What mattered to me first I all of a sudden had more time to do what I really wanted which is to launch this podcast because I wanted to forge a deeper connection with you Brick by Brick I laid a path with my actions and now here I am and if I can do it you can do it and that's why step number three is critical look for lights on the path I looked for other people who had simpler business models who had relationships and who were doing the fun things that I wanted to do and I just let them light the way toward the future I wanted I kept telling myself if they can do it I can do it and if you don't have anyone in your life like that someone that lights the way for you let me be that person tell yourself if Mel Robbins can do it then I can do it because it's true I'm living proof that if I can do it you can do it big change starts with small wishes like I want to feel happier and Tiny actions lead to massive transformation over time psychologically speaking those little daily moves forward that I was making trying to just be a little bit happier moving toward the person I really wanted to become it changes what you believe about yourself because doing the small things every single day especially when you don't feel like it it proves that you do have a choice about what you do and how you feel and eventually as you do the small things that make you feel better and better and better you will feel better and better and better and as you see yourself taking these little actions you start seeing yourself taking control and the momentum the pride and the confidence builds inside you that's what happened to me and I know the same will be true for you and I have proof that this works so yesterday check this out I got an email from a woman named Danielle and guess what she was writing me about she was writing to tell me about a year ago she stumbled upon guess what video yeah you guessed it the one I made on my 52nd birthday I mean come on what are the odds I was about to start taping an episode about the same video and now suddenly I'm getting an email from a stranger telling me Oh by the way Mel I saw that video on your 52nd birthday and I followed the steps in it and now my life has changed what are the odds those are magical and I always pay attention to that kind of stuff so I reached out to her I talked to her on the phone and now I want you to listen to her read the email she sent to me yesterday I just love this kind of stuff because it all connects and before I play it I want to warn you that this may be triggering for you to hear because when Danielle stumbled upon that 52nd birthday video of mine she was in a way worse place than I was up in that bunk room she was thinking of ending her life your birthday saved my life the video made on your 52nd birthday was the first Mel video I had ever seen and it was the last day of my life or it would have been a couple years previously I had made a pact with one of my best friends that if either one of us were thinking about suicide we would call one another and we would talk as long as we needed and at the end of the talk I had with him the night before he made me promise him that I would give my life 24 more hours because a day can change everything is what he said and the next day late afternoon waiting for night to come YouTube said I should watch your video and I promised my friend 24 hours more which I spent largely watching her videos and I'm still here you know and it sounds a little bit even silly but um I remember at one point in the video when she just you know she got to the point where she had laid it all out there how she feels and what's going on that she said so this is what I'm gonna do I'm gonna go out and I'm gonna buy myself some flowers and I was like okay I get that like you know I mean happiness isn't like a goal that like once you've completed all these things in your life that are wrong with it then you're allowed to be happy it's something that you actually have to try to do every day and and you can't just do this one little thing and that can make today better than it was I mean come on now don't you just love Danielle and look over the past year Danielle has been slowly chipping away at creating a better life just like I have for these past two years and just like you're gonna do now that you've listened to this episode see doing the little things every single day that align with where you're going and who you want to become that's the secret it works the bottom line is you have the power to change your life period you have to act like the person you want to become before you feel like that person and if I can do it you can do it plain and simple there are things that are locked in your heart and your mind and soul that are calling to you stop denying it there are changes that you want to make stop ignoring those changes the whole point of this episode is to get you to not only believe that change is possible for you but to start taking the steps to make the change a reality I want you to claim what you want by the end of this episode I want you to close your eyes and envision something amazing in this next year of your life because yes you can change and yes you can take the actions that will make that change a reality I mean is it going to happen overnight of course not but it'll change over time and if you can make today just a little better guess what you can make tomorrow a little better and if you can have a better day then you can have a better week and if you can have a better week you can have a better month and those months lead ultimately down the path to the life that you envision for yourself you deserve to be happy and I believe that you're listening to this episode right now with Mel Robbins because you are meant to I mean think you could you could have put you could have picked a million other episodes but you are on this one right now with me why because you're supposed to hear this at this exact moment in your life you needed the reminder that there is something bigger that is meant for you you got so much amazing stuff to do with this next year of your life you got dreams to fulfill you got lives to change stop focusing your energy on the stupid crap that weighs you down it does not matter your past does not matter the things that you're worried about it doesn't matter I mean who cares if they didn't read your text who cares if you didn't get that job you applied for do you know how many jobs there are out there it's time to see the bigger picture it's time to focus on what you want I know I get it it sucks when you get the courage to ask somebody out and they say no or you work for months trying to close a massive sale and it goes to somebody else and it's an awful feeling to wake up and have the depression be overwhelming and you're not going to feel like kicking ass today you're going to feel like licking your Woods I got it and here's what I'm going to tell you have a good cry give yourself a hug and then dig deep and let Mel Robbins remind you of who you are there is power inside of you to face this and to make it better and you know it in those moments when you feel like you just got punched in the gut you have power within you you have the ability to create this fresh start to close your eyes to Envision what you want instead of surviving through what you have on those mornings when you wake up with the weight of the world on your shoulders wake up and get your ass out of bed get dressed get yourself out the door and do the things that make you feel slightly better start acting like the person you want to become instead of the person you are today start taking actions that align with what you want in your life it's only when you start to act before you feel ready that this turns around I get it you should have landed the funding you did deserve the job it does blow when you don't get into your dream school and your best friend does but you know what that's not going to stop you from getting what you want because you are gonna pick yourself back up you know that this is going to pass you know that through your actions and your attitude you can change where you're at and you know that you can make yourself feel a little bit better no matter what you're facing and you can't tell me otherwise every single day when you wake up the clock resets the past expires and the future it is yours to create there is an Open Road there is a blank page there is a wish that you need to turn into a reality today is a gift and you get to decide what you're going to do with that gift is it one day or day one you decide you decide with the actions you take today you can change and today is the day to prove it to yourself so go do it this is not a Thinking podcast this is a doing podcast so here's what you're going to do first of all you got a bookmark or save this episode because the next time you feel a little kicked down trust me you're going to want a little Mel Robbins motivational magic in your life I will remind you of who you are and the steps to get that power back that's number one number two Let's Make A Wish as soon as this episode is over you're going to create a voice memo from your future self as if that wish that you have for this coming year has come true here's what you're going to do I want you to time travel ahead of you pretend you are in this life you've done the work to make your wish your reality now turn on that voice memo and act like the future you and tell the person today what's life like a year from now describe it in detail what's your day look like what are you doing what have you changed how proud of you how proud of yourself are you just like I told you what I would go back and say to the 52 year old Mel I want the future you to say you're going to be so proud of yourself let me tell you where all this hard work this next year ends up and third if you got anything out of this please follow or subscribe to the Mel Robbins podcast that way these episodes will be right there ready for you in your queue when they drop and also it's one of the biggest things that you could do to support me and the success of this podcast just follow the show and finally here's one other thing you could do we talked a lot about lights on the path be one for someone else and share this episode with anybody that you care about that you know needs to hear this and finally please find the courage and the confidence that's within you it's in there you were born with it when you go to make that wish and you close your eyes and that Fresh Start effect takes hold I want you to imagine something big don't hold yourself back really go for it because here's the deal you've now got Mel Robbins as a friend and I'm going to be not only a light on the path I'm gonna be here every single week twice a week as an essential part of you turning that wish into a reality I'll bring the support the encouragement and I will certainly be celebrating you as you do the work to make that dream come true every single episode of the Mel Robbins podcast by the way is not only released on every podcast Network in audio we got long-form uncut behind the scene video versions as well and all the resources show note studies absolutely everything that you could need to dig in deeper it is all linked with every episode at melrobbins.com why are we doing that because change is hard enough and it is way more fun and a hell of a lot easier when you and I we do it together and that's what I want to do I want to make this fun and easy for both of us I want you to feel connected as you're going after your goals I want you to hold my hand as we go through the ups and downs of life because there is no avoiding the challenging moments so how about we lock arms let's leave no one behind and let's do this thing called life together oh and one more thing from the bottom of my heart thank you this 54th birthday has already been the very best birthday of my entire life because of you thank you for your support thank you for listening to this episode thank you for sharing the episode and thank you on behalf of my team for having us debut at the top of almost every freaking chart around the world and in case no one else tells you today I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you and I believe in you and your ability to create a life you truly love all right now go blow out all those candles and make that wish come true foreign [Music] thank you so much for being here if you enjoyed that video bye God please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing thank you so much for being here we've got so much amazing stuff coming thank you so much for sending this stuff to your friends and your family I love you we create these videos for you so make sure you subscribe

Channel: Mel Robbins

Views: 74,443

Keywords: Mel Robbins, Mel Robbins Motivation, Mel Robbins Advice, inspiration

Id: 1JbfAr-BQjA

Length: 62min 52sec (3772 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 06 2022