Billionaire Badass On How to Become The Woman Everyone Respects & Admires | Jamie Kern Lima

so you've been arrested you a waitress at a strip club and you found yourself on the verge of bankruptcy yet you went on to build one of the largest makeup brands in the world and selling it for $1.2 billion you made Forbes list of America's richest self-made women and you end up marrying the love of your life so what lies do we believe are holding us women back from feeling worthy enough to change and Achieve our dreams just like you did when we have low selfworth it can still look like everything's great on the outside right there are people that are crushing it in every area of life and they are not fulfilled and they don't know why or they're really unhappy or they don't believe they're worthy of things and they don't know why and they're still just striving to be enough so when we have low self worth what it looks like is we feel stuck and we don't know why we believe that we are smart and have all the skill set and we maybe have worked really really hard we've studied all the stuff but we're stuck we feel stuck and we're not going for it and we don't know why and that's how self- worth will show up in our lives and it could be in your career it could be that you are an artist and you write poetry or you paint and you still haven't shared it with the world and you don't know why it could look like you have an amazing idea and you've been developing a plan to launch a business around it but you keep spending eight hours a day scrolling Instagram and you don't know why you're procrastinating and you don't know why when we don't believe we are worthy of something we will find a way to stay stuck and to not go for it at all which is why building self-worth is so important now there's a lot of us that have medium level selfworth right medium or even medium high what that looks like is we go for things we go for them like we go for them but then we'll sabotage them along the way or we'll hit a plateau we'll build our business to be six figures or seven figures and we and we hit a plateau and and and we don't realize it's because we actually at an identity level don't believe we're worthy of going above that we'll be a CEO crushing it and hitting numbers in our company but we won't share our real ideas that could take it to the next level because we don't want to take a risk because we don't quite feel worthy of it like that's what that looks like and then a lot of us that have medium to high selfworth right what that looks like is I keep achieving everything but I still don't feel I'm enough I still miss fulfillment I still feel like something's missing so I'm just going to keep hustling working harder and harder and harder and harder and harder you and I are people that have so many dreams and goals and huge Ambitions and a lot of our friends do a lot of people we've been so blessed to meet do one of the biggest lies K and I want to just tackle this real fast people have is oh if I feel like I'm enough as I am and I'm fully worthy as I am which you are but if I feel I'm fully worthy as I am maybe I'll lose my ambition maybe I'll lose my drive I don't want that I like feeling like I'm never enough so I work harder and harder it is the biggest lie when you feel fully worthy exactly as you are it does not kill your ambition it actually fuels it because now you're no longer you don't worry anymore if you if you fail because you know it's not tied to your self- worth you know you are Rock Solid enough as you are so you actually when you have strong self-worth you actually take more risks you actually have more ambition the difference is when you achieve those things and when you you know serve and give and create H and offer everything that's in your soul to the world you're actually fulfilled when you do it because you feel deep down inside enough as who you are whether you're someone who is stuck and you don't know why or you're someone who's crushing the world's definition of success and you don't know why you're not fulfilled and you don't know why you still feel like it's not enough or you're not enough it's almost always because of selfworth and learning how to raise that Underneath It All literally I was going to ask you because I have like these two sides to me one where it's like I love the idea of you being perfect just the way you are like they are the amount of like things you can let go of all the stress and the wor of am I pretty enough am I do I look good enough am I smart enough all of that right it I understand it like it really does allow you to let go but then the other side that if you're enough and you're smart enough and everything what does prel you to go for more what does then Propel you to improve to build better skill sets I'm not even going to say to achieve higher things I'm just going to say to build better skill sets in whatever um and you just answered it cuz that's the disconnect sometimes that I think about and I worry about in myself that if I think that no Lisa you're perfect the way you are then I won't keep going and so I kind of I I liken it to um like I just have like these dual PE people in my head and I've got like the one voice in my head that's like I love you Lisa you're good enough and I go come on what the [ __ ] are you doing you know on the other side of my brain sreaming at me and you need both this is the thing you need both for fulfillment right to feel you are enough worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are and also to be growing and building self-confidence and contributing for ultimate fulfillment you need all that and the biggest challenge is that most people only do the stuff where they're growing and building confidence but underneath they don't feel enough as they are and that's when you can do all of it and never feel fulfilled and not know why how many people have six-pack abs have business that are crushing it have they're doing all the things they're in the cover of magazines they have 50 billion followers and they still don't feel enough right so they're actually not able to enjoy any of the stuff that they're doing or to feel fulfillment you know so that's like the one thing is building that that sense of worthiness that you are enough exactly as you are and you're worthy of love and belonging exactly as you are you're able to then enjoy it and you and you also know you know what if I put myself out there and I fall flat on my my face you know might hurt my confidence but doesn't hurt my worth dude that's so strong me I wrote a whole book about confidence and it never really like I would I said in the book multiple times like confidence is a muscle it it like you have to build it and then also it can EB and flow it's not like you always have the confidence and so when I read your book and that worthy piece I was like oh my God that's that underlying the foundation to then be able to build your confidence but if you don't actually believe in yourself and have the worth then you're not going to go for it because let's say you believe you've started uh It Cosmetics right and you've gone out and you've had a million rejections but you've got one that you actually think the deal is going to come through so you spent three years you and your husband like saving every penny building the company really sacrificing and then you um you go to this one guy and you think the deal is done the dreams come true and if you don't mind sharing that story of what he says to you because this goes to that moment gain I I am obsessed with this movie sliding doors have you ever seen it with gwenth houto so it's a my audience heard me speak about thousand times but it's a story where she's about to board the underground the tube and she makes the tube and then it cuts to a moment and it repeats where she's running for the underground and she doesn't make the tube and these are the two pars and you literally throughout the whole movie see her life going in completely opposite directions just by making the door or not making the door and when I think about the story that you're about to share that moment of these two paths where it's like one leads you to selling it to L'Oreal for 1.2 billion and the other one leaves you on the floor crying and never making anything of yourself yes yeah the moments that define our destiny right and how we handle those moments right it's how we handle those moments and you know uh so the one particular rejection that you're talking about the story out of thousands of rejections by the way anybody today right now who's feeling rejected or like they're facing setbacks or any of those things like they are never an indication of your potential for success they are not and the key is to never let anyone else's doubts about you turn into doubts about yourself in your own head that is everything like how we handle those moments it's not if they're going to happen or not it's how we handle them right and like what are the tools in our toolbox to pull out and decide how we're going to handle those moments can change everything right and so uh in this one example we had faced oh my gosh years of rejection we were down to no money I didn't know how we were going to make it as a company everyone kept saying no and that they didn't think the business was going to work and all this and uh I finally got a meeting with a potential investor who's really well-known private Equity company uh they're very famous for taking like a lot of small unknown Brands turning them into these big companies that all of us shop for in the grocery store or big box retailers or whatever and I was like oh my gosh if they invest in us cuz they got a hold of our product and really liked it I was like if they invest in us like it's going to be lifechanging like a we're not going to go bankrupt B maybe they can use their power to get me into all these retail stores that keep telling me no like all this stuff right I was like this is huge and so we started taking meetings and meeting after meeting after meeting it got to the final meeting we had lawyers involved we were in the diligence phase which meant they were going to acquire the business or or invest a big stake and it got down to the final meeting where I was presenting the whole product pip P line and at the very end of the meeting like I thought this was going to be the moment like my Saving Grace right and the head guy was about 3T from me uh and then his whole team was behind him and they were awesome uh and he says to me like congratulations youed should be so proud this is a really really great product but we've decided it's a no uh we're going to pass on investing in IT Cosmetics now this was years of hundreds and hundreds of NOS in I was hoping this would be the one and he says that to me and I say Okay um can you tell me why because feedback is usually a gift um I said can you tell me why and he just got really quiet and he's standing about three feet from me and he says do you want me to be really honest with you and I was like yes please and then he just paused for the longest time and I remember I started feeling my heart beat in my ears cuz like I didn't know what he was going to say and then he says these words to me I remember the moment his mouth started opening and he says I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight and when he said those words to me I actually never felt any anger toward him but what happened instantly was like a lifetime of self-doubt and body doubt like flooded my body all at once so I actually felt when he was saying these words like I was staring my own fear straight in the eye the moment he said those words I got this feeling deep down inside I'll never forget this feeling in my gut like my knowing right not my head my head was like lifetime of self-doubt body doubt I'm not enough all that right but the moment he said those words to me I just don't think women will buy makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight I got this strong feeling in my gut that said he's wrong he's wrong like I felt it didn't know how I was going to prove it but I felt it right now Lisa 89% of girls and women will opt out of meaningful activities with friends with family in public because they don't like how they look 89% 9% holy [ __ ] so there is a whole chapter in here about do not wait on your weight to live your best life I do not care what your weight is but do not wait on your weight to live your best life I think back to so many times in my life before I learned how to build selfworth when I waited on my weight to to go on the date to get in the photo to attend the reunion so many of us do this and it's like ah ah the time for change has come it is why I wrote worthy no girl no woman no person left behind uhuh 89% of us opt out of meaningful activities because we don't like how we look what has this cost us in our life in our relationships in our friendships in our joy in our fulfillment so in the moment this investor tells me this and I go cry and the next years there are moments that come to me where I'm like okay well maybe I do just need to change my weight all those things right but I know that's a lie I know it in my soul I know it in my soul and so when we talk briefly about like the four RS and reframing rejection you know in this case every time his words would come to to my mind where he's like I don't believe women will buy a makeup from someone who looks like you with your body and your weight that rejection was really painful for me and I would reframe it with and redef find it with a new definition of okay rejections God's protection rejections God's protection right for some of us it'll be rejections the universe's protection and I don't know how yet but I chose to believe it I chose to redefine that rejection and every other one to something I believe was true so that I was not fearful of future rejections and so even after that painful rejection every time those words would Echo back in my mind I would instantly like literally intercept them replace them with oh no no no rejection is God's protection I cannot wait to see what's going to happen because God has got me and yeah that dude didn't believe in me but you know what I know it's protection I don't know how yet and I just kept going and kept going and six years later the day L'Oreal bought our company for $1.2 billion cash uh the day we had over a thousand employees the day we had finally become number one in a bunch of the retailer stores we were in that had said no for years the day you became the very first female seat EO baby of l'oral yeah first yeah without I mean and they're a public company and so they did um they announced the purchase price right and then that I was the first uh female CEO of a brand in their 100 plus year history but they I I did not know they were going to announce the purchase price I I think I had friends and family that thought maybe business is doing well but they didn't know like nobody you know what I mean those are things you just and the day they announced the deal it was everywhere homeage of the Wall Street Journal ever and that was the first day I heard from that guy in over six years uh and he said the potential investor right and he says congratulations on the L'Oreal deal I was wrong and in that moment you know the movie Pretty Woman you know movie Pretty Woman where she goes in the store and they won't help her they won't help her and then she goes back in a few days later so what I wanted to say to him was big mistake huge huge and I wanted to go even further and go I can give you 1.2 billion reasons why it was a huge mistake um but I didn't say that I kept it really really classy um because I didn't want to be him at that day uh but here's what's wild and this is why I go into reframing rejection so deeply and worthy because so many of us have had rejection or failure in our life and it's so painful that it keeps us stuck and at worst we think we're we're a failure and it becomes an identity level thing so I go deep into how do you actually reframe it and uh and what I want to say is that you know I had been telling myself for years rejection is God's protection around why this guy rejected me that time and at that moment six years later when we sold a L'Oreal what I realized is oh my goodness like had he believed in me back then I was so desperate I probably would have given him the majority of the company for like no money I just want to stay alive like I didn't know how going to make it but because he didn't believe in me the day we sold a L'Oreal we were the largest shareholders and it was like thank God he didn't believe rejection is God's protection like these things we know in our soul are true and it's about how do we build that muscle to use your words how do we build that muscle and that skill set that when these things are happening to us the setbacks the rejections the the things that don't go our way that we pull those tools out of the tool box and we apply them right then and there okay in this case rejection is God's prot and we believe it like how how do we apply those tools trusting that they're right and they're true because that's how we build resiliency that's how we raise our self worth that's how we keep going for things that's how we don't let setbacks hold us back like we believe okay this is a setback but I know most setbacks are setups for what I'm called to do next like I'm going to have a faith in that universe and it's not just about oh let me think positive it's like oh uhuh let me believe that in my soul let me believe this new reframe in my soul because it is true like when you check in with your soul again I said I said this earlier every person listening to us right now yes your confidence can be tied to your skills and abilities your willingness to try and go for it how you feel you stack up against other people you know the there's studies that show the boxer who wins the match automatically 30% more confident afterwards right our confidence Rises and Falls but underneath that strong self-worth separate from confidence which is very important your selfworth this is just what I want everyone to know right now is right now as you are I do not care if you are like me and you waitressed in a strip club and you waitress at Denny's and you were doubting yourself out of your own destiny and you thought love uh was confused with attention and you thought uh uh significance was an external praise was being confused with success and all those things right you thought achievement was being confused of belonging I don't care where you're at what past mistakes what failures I do not care I don't care who you've hurt and you regret I mean we how many mistakes you've made like right now exactly as you are you are fully worthy nobody can give it to you or take it away like you just are and and I believe Lisa that the greatest Journey we're on in this lifetime is learning how to believe and embrace that because when we do we are unstoppable that's when we are unstoppable that is when we are in alignment with our assignment that is when we walk into our calling that is when we stop doubting ourselves out of our own destiny when we believe we are worthy it changes everything for the better in our lives for so many of us we feel stuck or we feel like oh you know I don't have what it takes to accomplish my dreams or to find love again or to have healthy friendships as an adult and we tell ourselves all these lies that lead to self doubt because literally Lisa like we don't soar to the level of our goals and dreams we stay stuck at the level of our self worth so when you change your selfworth you change every aspect of your life and the beautiful thing is it does not matter where you come from does not matter if you have waitressed at a strip club like me does not matter if you have you know worked hard waitressing tables at dennies like I have or if you've built a billion- Dollar business like I have none of that actually matters like you're fully Worthy exactly as you are and when we learn to unlearn those lies that lead to self-doubt and literally wake up our worthiness it's the one thing that will change everything in our life dude that's so freaking strong all right and now we're going to go into the actual lives that we believe and I want to break them down because you write them in your book and they're so beautiful because I think 99.99999% of people listening right now are going to feel exactly the same of oh my God I feel like that that is me and if you don't change that belief system if you don't change how you think about it then I don't think um many of us can change our paths we can't change our situation and so um I really want to go through the lies that we tell ourselves yes um so number one I'd love to start with the need to please them in order for them to love me people pleasing is almost always a betrayal to ourselves we are raised and so often as girls and women but when you actually look at the data over 50% of women believe they're a people pleaser but over 40% of men do as well so we are raised to think oh I just need to make everyone else happy and then I'll be loved right at our core we all want love and belonging and one of the big lies is I need to please everyone else in order to be loved or in order to be worthy in order to be enough and here's the problem with that is so often we spend our lives you know trying to please everyone else uh but then actually betraying ourselves and we become disconnected from who we are right and so the more we people please for others when it's in congruent with who we are and what we really feel the more we tell ourselves that we're actually not worthy uh of saying what we mean of being who we are and it chips away at our self worth slowly but surely so it is a huge lie that we tell ourselves that okay if I just make everyone else happy then I'll be happy then I'll be loved and it's actually the opposite and what's beautiful is when we and I go into worthy deep in how to do this how do you truly learn to you know not people please in at the expense of betraying yourself uh and when you learn to do that your relationships get stronger your selfworth Rises right you're able to have a deeper connection with other people because when you show up inauthentically which is a lot of times what people pleasing is you actually create a barrier of disconnection between yourself and that other person so we think people pleasing uh you know especially a lot of us as little girls and women were raised to like get approval when we make other people happy but longterm it doesn't feel like love long term it does not and so a lot of us get disconnected even from who we are cuz we're so good at trying to make everyone else happy but then not not knowing even who we are and what we want we all know the difference a good bar can make to your confidence right a sports bar may feel good but the flat uni boob it gives you probably doesn't make you feel very sexy and a push-up bra may make you feel sexy but between the ungodly amounts of padding and the uncomfortable underwires you're probably taking the torture device off before you even get home but you don't have to choose between comfort and confidence anymore thanks to Honey Love honey love has revolutionized the bra game designed with back smoothing fabric to prevent bra bulge a bonded underbust to lift without the underwire and no bulky fabric that trap heat and right now guys you can get 20% off your entire order when you shop at Honey love.com sloi click the link below or go to Honey love.com sloi and you'll get 20% off your entire order treat yourself to Honey Love because my homie you deserve it dude this is so strong and I love to dig even deeper and said how do we do that because you even said in that moment sometimes when you've pleased someone let's say you're in a relationship and you really done something that it doesn't feel in alignment but the other person is like giving you the accolades they're telling you how amazing you are for doing this thing that actually doesn't feel good to you and so it becomes almost like a bit of a downward spiral or you just double up right cuz you're like oh well they made me feel good about myself when I did this I really like the feeling of feeling good for my with myself so I'm just going to do it again but long term like you said it actually doesn't align so how do you start to break that what are the things that fact let's just take a random Wednesday Jamie So Random Wednesday you're a people pleaser you get your validation from other people from them applauding you you wake up on a Wednesday and you've got all these habits right where it's like you're used to let's say you're a mom taking care of the kids first taking maybe care of your partner maybe going to work earning the money coming home like you get into like these habitual patterns so how do you actually even start to break that m the very first thing is to start asking yourself how does this feel to my soul because when we do something really great for someone else it could be a great thing you know if I know my husband likes you know something you know a banana with peanut butter on it or whatever great like when we do things that are that are kind for other people but it feels aligned with our soul that's great it's great to text our friends you know and uplift them it's great to do all that but when you get still and ask yourself am I doing something that actually is in congruent with how I really feel that's people pleasing at the expense of betraying yourself and so often people say oh do you want to come over for coffee or do you want to do this or do you want to do that or can you volunteer for this or can you donate to this and and we want to say no but we say yes and when what we do comes at the expense of our own truth that's when it can chip away at our selfworth and a lot of us have learned to do that our whole lives right and so that is where it causes problems in your selfworth that is when it creates barriers of disconnection and relationships and we all know and for most of us we've done this we've gotten in a relationship and you know the stereotypical like story you'll see in a movie where like the girl just all of a sudden loves this kind of music because her boyfriend's into it or she starts dressing a certain way because that's what he wants right and in the beginning of a relationship it makes it might appear to make him happy but long term it either never works out or it works out at the expense of her own soul right so these things that might make someone else happy in the short term long term we're living a lie we're creating a barrier of disconnection and so it's so important because we start to believe I need to please them in order to love me and it is a lie it is a big lie right when we please someone else and then end up not loving ourselves because of it it literally will lower our selfworth slowly but surely the very first step is identifying how does this feel and just paying attention because for most of us we become so numb to just saying the thing that makes the other person happy saying the thing that's not true but we're not aware of what is that that cast us how many of us women ignore that intuition that gut feeling um and so I think that that's so strong in just starting there because I think sometimes you've um you've been you know you have a belief system that no you are supposed to do or you should do X Y and Z and that's supposed to and should I think is part of what you're saying where it's like we s we show up in service of everybody else except for ourselves and I have a quote of yours that really freaking hit me um I want to be loved more than want to be me mhm yes in worthy the book I share a story about how my mother-in-law is very into eating healthy and is all the things and I am not so much and we were we were at a Holiday Gathering and there was broccoli and berries and then there was these cinnamon rolls and I kept looking at the cinnamon rolls and I just felt like if I eat it she's going to judge me and I just I have to go with the broccoli and I write this whole story about how in that moment I chose to be what I thought was loved more than I chose to be me and I talk about how every time we do this all we think that we're going to be loved we think we're creating approval or connection with the other person when all we're doing is betraying ourselves and creating a barrier of disconnection here's the thing about relationships is you can only I don't care how good you are at being a people pleaser the depth of love and connection you can have with another person can only be as deep as the depth of love and connection you have with yourself and when you show up people pleasing for everyone else thinking it's going to result in them loving you before anything even happens you start to love yourself less right because you're betraying yourself and then you're also creating a of disconnection between you and them and so for a lot of people and especially women right the 50 plus per of women that say they're people Pleasers and they struggle with it all the time it's scary to think like well what if I speak my truth and what if I offend somebody or what if that person doesn't like me or what if right all of those things and at the end of the day like every one of us every one of us craves love and belonging in our lives for fulfillment We crave it in our relationships and our friends ships all of it right for 25 years of the Oprah Winfrey show that at the end of every single show whether it was President of the United States which She interviewed many of them or a Beyonce or a murderer it didn't matter who was on her show at the very end they were like how was it was it okay was it okay and she says that she realized every single person wants to know like did you see me did did you hear me did what I say matter to you and at our core as human beings every single one of us wants that same thing we want to know like did you see me did you did you hear me did what I say matter to you and here's the problem is when we show up people pleasing and betraying ourselves we are not showing who we truly are we're not being seen for who we truly are we're not saying what we really mean and so it's impossible to create that ultimate expression of love and connection Humanity if we're sh up is something that's not who we are when you learn to start one step at a time right we could do baby steps here so for everyone watching and listening like take this one baby step today of first just hear when you tell somebody something how did that feel did that feel like the truth did that feel in my gut in my soul like what I really mean and we are so conditioned just to you know please everyone else but when we start paying attention we're like like oh wait a minute that's not what I mean I don't want the broccoli I want the cinnamon roll you know what I mean it's like we're right and and no no I don't want to go to that movie I want to go to this movie like like just little things of paying attention to wait am I showing up as who I truly am and then taking that baby step right so even today everyone watching us and listening us taking that one step of just doing it once today just just one time say your truth even if you know that other person's goingon to be like H right because they're used to hearing what they want to hear just do that one thing and you just take that baby step one one step at a time and what happens is yeah there are going to be some people along the way maybe they're not your friends anymore maybe they're uncomfortable maybe it takes them a while to adjust but over time it is how you build a relationship with yourself it is how you raise your own self worth and remember in life like we don't rise to what we believe is possible we fall to what we believe we're worthy of and every time we people please someone else as a betrayal to ourselves we tell ourselves I am not worthy of saying what I really mean I'm not worthy of showing up as who I really am right and and and that impacts every aspect of your life so take that one step today right say what you mean one step at a time and over time you start building your selfworth and you start building that depth of connection with and real friendships and and real Partnerships right now as as we're talking how many people are in a relationship and they just feel like something's missing and they don't know why they don't feel the depth of connection that they crave and it could be a romantic relationship it could be a friendship could be a relationship with your family like I don't understand why we're not so connected I want that connection but then when you stop and ask yourself wait a minute do I have that connection with myself right and that's where we need to do the work and slowly but surely the more that you show up as who you truly are then you'll see the connection with the people in your life starts to deepen and you start to feel fulfillment and you feel more fulfilled and less like something's missing good I love that and that's why I love that story about the broccoli and the cinnamon roll because it's those little it's a little decision it's a little thing that maybe other people would just Brush by and not think twice about and it's like well it's my mother in-law I know that she's going to look down on me if I choose the cinemon I'll fine I choose the Bro right and you don't realize to your point the disconnection you're having with yourself but then also to her because you're being a falce version of who you actually are exactly and so much of the time we think we need to people please someone else and this and that and it's still a lie we're telling ourselves I was sitting there thinking my mother-in-law is good to judge me for eating the cinnamon roll I'm going to eat the broccoli meanwhile uh how the story kind of wraps up is I'm like you know what I decide if I'm G to have an authentic connection with her I need to show up us who I really am I eat the cinnamon roll I'm way for her to judge me and she literally starts talking about the kids and she could care less that I ate the cinnamon roll so the whole time I was telling myself a story projecting my own insecurities onto her and creating a barrier of disconnection between me and her in the meantime right all because I was telling myself a lie that she was judging me so that I was trying to please her because I wanted connection realizing when you try to please other people you just create disconnection yeah God that's so freaking strong and that goes to another light that you talk about in the book is that we always think we're going to be enough when so talk to me about that yeah I'm like get so fired up out of this chair okay everybody watching and listening right now Lisa this is the LIE this is the lie that will take us down our entire life this was this is the lie that has us thinking okay I just got to do more I just got to achieve more then I'll feel enough right this is the lie that thinks that that tells us because something's missing it means I'm not yet enough and oh my gosh the lie that once I finally get the thing or achieve the thing or do the thing then I'm enough it is a Perpetual lie that leads literally to nowhere and so let me just start by asking like this question right for everyone who's listening and watching us right now um uh have you ever had this goal in your life and you thought when I finally get that goal then I'm going to be happy then I'm going to be fulfilled then I'm going to be enough and for some people it might be like when I finally hit the salary level of my job or for some people it might be like oh when I finally you know get married or when I finally have the white picket fence or when I finally have 2.5 kids or when I finally you know uh uh get that degree or when I finally get that dream car or the sixpack ABS or that certain fit whatever it is when I finally get that thing like then then I'm going to be happy then I'm going to be enough then I'm going to be worthy and then what happens for so many of us right and everyone think about that thing right now or different examples in your life but for so many of us we work so so so hard and for some of us we spend a lot of time and a lot of years and then what happens we finally get that thing we finally get that job title or that number in our bank account or that number on the scale or the six-pack abs the relationship and we finally get it and then what happens like does it right and think about this in your own life did it solve all your problems did it make you happy did you finally feel like yes I feel fulfilled and I can ride off into the sunset in full fulfillment and Bliss for most of us the answer is no right we arrive at the thing and then we go okay and we're happy and for some of us we're super happy for maybe a year or a month or a week or a few hours and then we're right back there to feeling like huh okay that didn't fulfill everything I still don't feel like I'm enough so then what do we do right I still don't feel fulfilled we think huh I've just got to achieve more I just got to take it to the next level then that will be enough and this becomes a Perpetual cycle so here's the deal here's the LIE here's how I change it because this is big selfworth is the one thing that changes everything and when you look at overall fulfillment in life you always need uh to be growing right and that could be growing in your faith growing in a hobby growing in how you show up in the world growing in your fitness goals whatever it is but we always need to be growing this is for ultimate fulfillment we always need to be contributing to something Beyond ourselves which could be in the form of some type of service or in the form of being a friend to someone who doesn't have one it could be in the form of donating it could be whatever but always about something bigger than ourselves so contribution growth we always need to be building self-confidence which is so important but those three things combined are more multiplied by our level of selfworth for ultimate fulfillment and when I say that in life we don't become what we want we become what we believe we're worthy of selfworth is the foundation to everything it's truly the foundation and so many of us are really good at doing all the things that build self-confidence like getting the job title getting the marriage getting the kids getting the fitness goals getting the six-pack abs self-confidence can fluctuate based on our skills and abilities if we're winning or losing if our willingness to try and go for it self-confidence even though it's internal it's based so much on the external things happening around us selfworth is deep internal unwavering it's us believing we are worthy of love and belonging exactly as we are not as we achieve not as our past mistakes and failures exactly as we are and self-worth in so many ways is the foundation and self-confidence is like the house we build upon it right here's the thing from the moment we are born into our world and especially those of us in the US or any country that's like super driven right by by socioeconomic success and all the other things we are taught that if we achieve the thing get the thing then it then we'll be happy so so we're raising advertisements all around us that tell us when we get the six-pack abs or when we get that dream car or when we hit that number in our bank account and we continue to think all those things will bring us fulfillment when really they all bring us a lot of confidence which is important right and when we're doing them and impacting others they bring us you know contribution and we're growing those are all important but if Underneath It All We don't believe we're enough as we are if Underneath It All We don't have strong selfworth what that looks like is Perpetual unfulfillment the rest of our lives and there are so many perfectionists right now probably listening and watching us so many people that think like okay if I just achieve enough then I'll be enough if I just get the and then they arrive in it and it's not so then they go for the next thing and then it's still not and they live their entire lives and arrive at the end of their life with a whole lot of cool things but never actually feeling fulfillment and always feeling like something's missing so it is important to do all of these things that build self-confidence that do all that it's important but if you don't learn how to completely build Rock Solid un shakable self-worth Underneath It All You will never no matter how much you achieve you'll never arrive feeling fulfilled you'll never be able to fully enjoy it here's the other part of this uh I have to do all this to be enough which is a lie I believed most of my entire life and a big reason Lisa that I wrote Worthy is because believing this lie if I do enough then I'll be enough like believing that and for me not understanding the difference between self-confidence and self-worth had me arriving at all these crazy dreams I could have only imagined happening and not understanding why don't I feel like it's enough and why don't I feel like I'm enough right and just to share a couple examples I remember building at cosmetics and years and years and years of rejections finally building it to company over thousand employees right selling it to L'Oreal for a billion dollars cash I got to that moment where I thought this this is it I I had sold my company for all this money and was on in Forbes and all the magazines all these things and and and I had so much self-confidence and I got invited to Oprah's house for lunch and I was like this is my lifelong dream and I went to her house we had a three-hour lunch just me and her at the end of the lunch Lisa she gave me her cell phone number and she said call me anytime you can call me anytime I'm like okay like you know freaking out right and now I had a lot of self-confidence everything on the outside was going so well but what I didn't know is that is very different than selfworth and even though a lot was going well Underneath It All I didn't fully feel worthy and so here's what happens she gives me her cell phone number my lifelong dream is like happening I did not call her for four years I literally didn't call her for 4 years and this is what happens when we don't believe we're worthy underneath everything else we will sabotage opportunities we will stay stuck we will not go for things and not understand why and after four years during that whole stretch where I didn't call her I would tell myself stories like okay once I have the perfect thing to say once I have the perfect thing to say then I'll call her that's why I'm not calling her I just don't have the perfect thing to say or she probably thinks everyone wants something from her so I'm going to prove I don't and I'm not going to like all these stories I would tell myself and four years later I realized that the reason I hadn't called her was because deep down inside I did not feel worthy of being her friend and the moment I realized that number one like I realized very quickly that's a lie like I am a kickass friend you know I you all go like and that moment I'm like oh my gosh my self-doubt and my thoughts which we are not our thoughts but our thoughts can convince us we are them sometimes and my self-doubt and my thoughts had gotten so loud and were telling me I wasn't worthy of it but that moment when I realized it I felt in my soul which is very different in my soul my knowing like oh I am more than worthy of being her friend or anybody's friend I'm a great friend right and that was the moment I picked up the phone and called her I came so close to doubting myself out of my own destiny even though I had built all these things that the world would say look like enough so I must feel like I'm enough right and I still didn't and I didn't know why so it's a Perpetual lie that we just need to keep getting enough achieving enough hitting enough goals to finally feel enough all those things are important they all build self-confidence which is really really important but nothing you can achieve will build self worth I got so many questions here okay where do I even start so first of all how did you start to identify those were excuses that you were giving yourself and that it actually came from the self worth because I'm sure so many people listening right now it may trigger some people go oh my God yes I do it but there's other people that even right now the excuse that they're telling themselves they actually believe and I have utter compassion right it comes from a a um I mean this is in a sweet way I guess but like it comes from a broken place where you feel broken enough where you don't feel whole you don't feel complete you don't feel worthy to be able to then be a great friend so how did you start to recognize that those were excuses and then how did you pivot going from I'm not enough to call her to immediate like for four years and then you pick up the phone and call how what's that Gap yeah so the Gap is this we all I just didn't know right and I didn't realize oh I'm telling myself excuses I actually believe them I actually wor freaking excuse yeah yeah I believe them they're lies I believed you know just like my whole life oh when I achieve enough then I'll feel enough you know all of those things and so it was a moment that hit me like a ton of bricks where I feel like um you know Oprah calls them aha moments I would describe it as a moment my knowing surpassed my conditioned belief system I would define an aha moment as the mo and we've all had them right the moment you're knowing surpasses your condition belief system and sometimes they come out of the blue and they hit us like a ton of bricks right and sometimes we work really really hard to tune in and to hear our own gut and say what is the truth right they can come in different forms this was a moment that hit me like a ton of bricks and in that moment it took everything out of me to literally I imagin myself in that moment Le turning down the volume as if it was a volume dial turning down the volume on my own self-doubt and my thoughts right and turning up the volume on my knowing or my intuition that said you are worthy of being her friend because I know that's the truth and right now every single person listening to us watching us right now if you get still and you tune into to that knowing not in your thoughts in your head that our whole lives we've been conditioned to learn we're not enough right 80% of women do not believe they're enough right now and it is a lie right but the do but I'm not enough that comes in the form of our belief systems and our thoughts but that is not who you are every single person right now if you get still for a moment and you tune into to your gut to your knowing to your intuition it'll tell you right now oh you are more than enough you are fully worthy exactly as you are like exactly as you are and when we learn to trust that and to trust that knowing it changes everything so that moment when I decide to call her it was like I literally imagined just turning down the volume on myself out I was like I am not listening to this anymore and just tuning into that knowing right and just like putting that on full blast that says I know I know I'm a great friend like I know I'm worthy of calling OA and and that's when I just picked up the phone and did it and just took that step and did not let myself doubt doubt me out of my own destiny and it's one step at a time every person right now today we're going to do this like literally we're going to do this like no girl no woman no person left behind and knowing they're worthy because when you believe you are worthy the second you decide to believe you are worthy is the moment every single area of your life changes it's the moment past and future generations of your family change like the second we believe we're enough is the second it changes everything it impacts everything because again we do not rise to what we believe is possible we follow it we believe we're worthy of everything that you've just said it may resonate for a moment right everyone listening like inspiration motivation we know is beautiful but when that person leaves after they finish watching this interview and they're sitting by themselves and they get that Ding they get someone telling them they're not good enough how the hell do they make sure they don't stay there that's why I like to go deep so that they've then got these tactics to then go back to I love this so much there is a master class in this book and a whole framework on the four RS where you go deep into how do you identify your current definition of a how do you redefine it how do you revisit past rejections and redefine them how do you become Fearless over rejection and failure in your life right because part of my journey was hundreds and hundreds of Nos and rejection over years building It Cosmetics a lot of times when people Google the story they're like oh it's a fairy tale I'm like oh not so much right but a lot of us we fear rejection and failure as something that is painful so then we avoid doing stuff at all costs we stay stuck I so easily could have been in that Oprah situation could have still not called her for four years and could be sitting here with you right now thinking oh yeah I just got to I'm just still not enough I got to achieve more I got to do more I got to accomplish more then I'll call her right I would still be thinking I need to do all the things that build confidence or whatever but not understanding oh wait it's a self-worth issue and not understanding the difference I want to say one thing before I forget too is your using this example of the train right and you get off or you get on and here's the thing too is like oh my gosh for everyone listening I keep like hitting your couch I'm getting so excited here but for everyone listening and watching us right now how many times have the train doors open and we didn't get on cuz we didn't feel we were worthy of it we didn't feel we were we hesitated we held back and who freaking knows what would have happened if we stepped on cuz believe we're worthy of it and the door is closed and we go to a whole new destination right that is why like that is why I'm so passionate about this about building selfworth because so many of us have doubted ourselves out of so many things in our destiny you know I mean I came so close to to to never calling Oprah right and and and in my case that was a lifelong dream I was sabotaging I would have never then taught a course with her all the things I would have been on a different train I wouldn't have been on a trained teaching course with Oprah which for me means so much so how many things for you and everybody listening means so much but you didn't get on the train yet and the doors are open and then they close and the train takes off but the good news is just like a train schedule there's another one coming so how do you believe you're worthy of stepping on that train when it pulls right up to you and when the doors open because the trains are going to keep coming but for so many of us it's like we still don't step on that we still don't put our art out into the world we still don't show up on social media as who we authentically are we still don't tell the person we want to be more than just friends right we still don't register the domain for our business we still don't set that boundary with the family member right we still don't you know turn the lights on in the bedroom we still don't put the swimsuit on in summer right all those things and we're missing the train we're missing the train and that is what selfworth will do time for change has come Lisa billu right here right now on women of impact time for change has come literally when you build your self worth it changes everything okay four RS of rejections so there's a whole chapter called when you change a relationship with rejection you change your life and you know as human beings let me just set this up right now because a lot of us don't know why fully we're stuck or why we're not going for the things or why we are staying in a relationship when we feel in our soul we deserve better but maybe May we're afraid to be alone or we're afraid to put ourselves out there there's so many ways that fear of rejection and failure hold us back and talk ourselves out of our own truth and all the things uh so just to take a step back as human beings we're wired to avoid pain at all costs right it's how we've survived and it's why for some of us uh when we when we associate pain with working out even though we know the pleasure of you know feeling great and you know hitting our fitness goals and all that we will choose to avoid the pain overo for the pleasure most every time and with rejection and failure When We Fear them we often fear them for very painful reasons we associate pain with them so much so that it keeps us stuck so many of us not only fear rejection and failure we've had so many of them happen in our lives that we literally let take root at an identity level and we start to believe we're a failure we start to label ourselves with things like rejected right failure not enough don't fit in unqualified all the things so let me just start we're going to go through the four hours together okay everyone listening watching let's do this together you got to go all in with me and Lisa though got to go all in uh and and and be really honest with yourself because this will be eye opening I think for a lot of people when they go through this so let me just start with a question okay because the four RS are uh uh to uh reveal to redefine to revisit and to Revel but let me explain what that means and how it can literally change your life right now what up homie I got something free and new to share with you right now how often are you visited by that negative voice in your head telling you that you're not smart enough that you're not good enough experienced enough not fill in the blank one of the most powerful things you can learn to do in life is to turn that negative voice into your bestie and I want to teach you how to do that and so much more in my four steps The Becoming confidence workshop and guys the most amazing thing is you can actually register for completely free for this Workshop so click the link on your screen and I see you on the inside the first thing is right now when you ask yourself this question think about a time in your life where you've been rejected or failed at something what is the first thought you had and be really honest with yourself and you might need to kind of imagine yourself in a in a situation where where you've been rejected or you failed what is the first thought without thinking about it this happens without us thinking about it what's the first thought you thought to yourself when that happens um okay first thought see I told you you're stupid that would be your first thought yeah yeah yep for me my first thought most of my life is yep I'm not enough yep there's proof again I'm not enough and yours is yep I told you you're stupid Lisa bill you okay whenever I've been in rooms and I've asked this question the number of answers that people are so vulnerable and brave to share are so similar to yours and mine like I should have never tried I knew it I don't have what it takes I'm a loser I'm you know stupid it's like the confirmation of the negative that you think of yourself exactly yeah and so here's what happens and for so many of you know watching us right now everyone who just thought of that thought write it down write it down if you can I don't want you to forget this but that very first thought you had some of us have multiple we can have multiple write them down right for me it was almost always yep there's proof again I'm not enough every time what your thought you just had right now is is your current definition of rejection or failure that is your current curent defin so we've just revealed first R your current definition of rejection or failure for most of us that definition is so painful that we want to avoid it at all costs so because here's the thing in life everything is the meaning we assign to something right and if you are assigning a meaning to rejection or failure that's painful we're wired to avoid void that at all costs which is then why we feel stuck why we're not going for things why we're not taking things to the next level we don't want to risk feeling like oh yeah I'm stupid I'm not enough I'm a loser all all the pain that comes with rejection or or failing right so revealing your current definition is huge and for every person who just had a thought of their current definition that's painful it is most likely a big reason why you're stuck or a big reason of why you haven't necessarily taken stuff to the next level or why you're not sure why you're not back on the dating app or you're not going up to the person at the party or any of those things if our definition stays painful for our entire lives it will prevent us from taking our life to the next level right and we will end up looking back and going wow what has fear of rejection or failure already cost us in our life and for so many of us the answer is way too much even to pause this episode or to to do this at the end of the episode and really take some time and think what has this current definition of rejection and failure already cost me in my life and you can even do it by categories in my life in my relationships in my friendships in my hopes and dreams in my career Ambitions in my joy in moments of being at the pool with every everybody moments with my children all of it right moments of Celebration what does it cost me when I look in the mirror a lot of us we reject ourselves like and we're afraid of it so the first thought everyone just wrote out that you just had for Lisa yours was and see I told you that you're stupid yeah see I told you that you're stupid and for me my whole life it's been oh yeah there's proof I'm not enough and so that's our current definition we we have revealed our current definition in the first R so the second R is to redefine the meaning we attach to rejection and failure when it happens in our life how this happened for me it was years and years of rejections and one day I'd had a really painful rejection from QVC I knew in my soul this is the thing when you have so many of us think our intuition is wrong it's not wrong it's just Divine timing isn't right yet okay I knew in my gut in my soul we were supposed to be on QV see which is a live television shopping channel broadcast to 100 million homes but every time I sent them our product it was a no right every time and and eventually we built the biggest Beauty brand in QVC's history so I was in the season of long rejections I just got a real painful rejection from QVC I was under my covers crying myself to sleep all that and I remember I just felt like why do I keep feeling like I'm supposed to keep going every time I pray about it and get still I feel like I'm supposed to keep going when everyone around me is rejecting me or telling me no or saying it's never going to work and uh one day Lisa I Googled all the people I admire most people that have just crushed it in business have built huge successes thought leaders people that have moved Humanity forward people that have been forces for good and love in this world and I just started reading about all of them every single one of them has dealt with tons of rejections and failures they're just the brave ones will to keep going anyways and that day I wrote out this new definition for rejection I wrote rejection does not mean I'm not enough rejection means this is a victory because I'm one of the brave ones who's willing to keep going for it right I'm not one of the people sitting on the sidelines you know uh uh not going for it living my life in regret I'm going to decide right now that every time a rejection happens every time I fail again at something this is huge this is a victory this means this is a reminder I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it and I literally believe that right and I wrote out that definition another one that I wrote out was rejections God's protection Oprah loves rejections redirection right we all have these meanings that we write out but they have to be true in your soul and so the second R which is redefine is so important and and you can use you know some of the ones I've shared you can you know you can write your own new definition but it has to feel true in your soul it could be like you know rejection means I'm putting in the Reps and I'm one step closer to getting what I want you know I'm putting in the Reps like whatever resonates with you but step two the second R is to write out a new definition of rejection that you are going to every time you face rejection or failure and you're tempted to play that old soundtrack you intercept it you replace it with your new definition you know to be true and I assume that that new D that new one also has to propel you forward yeah yeah and what it does Lisa it make it builds resiliency you start to fear rejection and failure less because you're not attaching pain with it anymore right and so for me I started doing that every time and and in this season in this long stretch I don't know that I could have ever had the outcome I had with my business had I not learned how to do this this applies to our personal lives it applies to every area of Our dating lives right every our friendships that we're trying to build because most all of us deal with rejection every day in different ways failure every day just most people aren't posting it on social media so we scroll and we think everything's great and we're the only ones right not true but when we learn how to literally embrace it and not fear it it changes everything and so your second one and you can do this right now is to write out a new definition and I love writing more than one keeping them in my toolbx um you know another example I I was adopted and placed into adoption the day I was born and growing up I had the best parents ever and they worked a lot the parents who adopted me worked all the time and when I found out by surprise I was adopted in my 20s I went through this season of my life where I just felt like I was abandoned I felt like I was abandoned I felt like my parents were never there growing like this whole thing and I felt rejected you know and I redefined my definition of what had happened to me and in that case I was like oh I wasn't rejected I was chosen like I was chosen by my birth mom to come into this world her her her life would have been way easier had she not done that I was chosen by God to be conceed my birth parents were together one time ever and never again and I was chosen by my adopted parents to raise me I'm not rejected I'm chosen right so that's another example and it changed my life when I decided that's my story that's the meaning I'm attaching to things when we do this it is a powerful Tool uh and so you know take some time and write out what are some new true definitions I'm going to attach to rejection and failure every time it happens in my life and when you do this it literally helps you just become more Fearless going after things things helps you Embrace rejection and failure more becomes so much more resilient the third R is called revisit and this is about the power of revisiting past def past rejections and failures in your life and then redefining the meaning you give to them for so many of us we have been hurt we've been rejected we've had things not go our way we feel like we've had so many failures and setbacks and a lot of times we've given a meaning to them that can take root at our identity and really impact our selfworth right and and and we've been carrying that meaning for so long labels like this are not permanent they are La Post-it notes with a light adhesive and we can remove them even though for a lot of us we've been carrying the weight of these like heavy armor for some of us for decades so revisit the third R is the most powerful and when you go back to potentially a rejection from someone who broke your heart or someone in your family who did not know how to love you the way you needed to be loved it could be a number of things and your identity would be tied to that as I'm someone that's not lovable mhm okay yeah I'm someone that's not lovable I'm someone that you know I'm in my case of being adopted or having my parents over there I not just I'm rejected but I'm a reject for a lot of us um you know we feel like our past mistakes don't just mean that we did something bad we think it means we're bad so these things can take real root when we really look at the story we're telling ourselves about and they can really affect ourselves worth um and so when we revisit past rejections and just first just become aware what is the meaning I'm giving to this what is the definition and the meaning I'm attaching to that and rewriting that meaning rewriting that meaning and this is really powerful and then every time that memory comes to you just like anything else you catch it and you replace it with like for me every time I'm tempted to be like I'm I'm abandoned I'm rejected I'm a reject I don't belong I'm unwanted I instantly replace that oh uhuh I'm chosen I am chosen I am here on purpose with purpose for a purpose like I replace it right away and this is real powerful stuff because it takes root at our identity it's not just about oh let me think positive uhuh this is deep stuff of how we Define who we are that affects every single one of us and so so when we revisit and redefine our new definition it can be so so so powerful and uh and one of my favorite ways to do this my favorite definitions to use for the third R and this is I think so good for anyone who's had someone pull the rug out from underneath them break their heart not value you you know it could be it could be deep stuff it could also just be you wanted that job so bad you applied for it over and over and over and you they didn't they didn't hire you it could be a lot of things this is my favorite definition when I read fine stuff in the past I literally Lisa I imagine God saying to me oh you weren't rejected I hid your value from them because they're not assigned to your destiny and I choose to believe it and and over time we learn these things are true like how many times has like the dude broken your heart and everyone was like he is no good for you but you're like I love him and you want it to work so bad and he just doesn't see your value now 10 years later you're like thank God I did not end up with him thank God I did not end up with him right God hid my value from him because he is not a signed to my destiny and Lisa to this day even you know if we have friends and for some reason I'm not invited or or there's someone I just adore them and I don't know why but no matter what I do they're just not into me they're just like they just don't want to be friends and the old me would say oh I'm not enough now I'm like oh God's blocking my value from them because they're not assigned to my destiny and it prevents me from letting this take root at a Worth or identity level I believe this definition I believe this and over time sometimes we don't see it right away but over time these new definitions they Pro to be true because you knew in your soul they were true when you wrote them right when you know when your and that's why when you write out your new definitions you got to know in your soul level they are true whether for you it's you know um rejections the universe's protection the universe always has my back I'm going to trust it you know uh whether it's for me oh God hid my value from them because they're not assigned to my destiny over time like I know that is true in my soul and so over time it always proves right rejections God's protection in the case of the investor whatever they are and what this does is it completely flips that fear of rejection and failure on its head it instantly helps us get unstuck right it instantly just inspires us to go for things because we know what's the worst that can happen that I'm reminded I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it you know what I mean and then the fourth R is to Revel in the fact that you become real Fearless about rejection and failure and that you no longer believe you're like in my case a reject or a failure and this is such a powerful tool because it impacts our selfworth and you open this interview with something I have never shared in my life about working as a waitress in a strip club and I was also waitressing at Denny's at the same time and I had another job I got shortly after slicing meat in the deli and I was just hustling trying to make it trying to you know pay my way through school all the things but at the time I knew in my my gut I had these Big Dreams and these big like and I I just felt I just felt like um I'm here on this Earth to serve and to impact and to to give and and and to create but I was in this moment in my life where I didn't believe I was worthy of those things and all of these tools had I not learned them I would have never stepped on the trains when the doors opened and I'm just like to be here I'm G to get emotional if I talk about this but honestly like to be here with you talking about these things to know that 80% of girls and women don't believe they're enough right now as we're talking like 73% of men feel inadequate like this affects every area of our lives and I feel like I know in my soul when we learn to believe we are enough and worthy exactly as we are is the moment every single thing in our entire life changes it's the moment we step on the train and and it's the train to our destiny but so many people they want to step and they don't and they doubt themselves out of their own destiny so literally the time for change has come Lisa bill you no girl no woman no person left behind and knowing they are worthy that was so freaking amazing the way you broke that down and as you were doing it I was like this is like the medicine and the recipe right if you want to be a chef you need to know what ingredients do what to something and then you can try you can dabble you can follow someone else's instructions you can create your own but we don't think that about life I used to think when I was younger extremely insecure that you know girl in North London that was getting bullied for her looks I would look at Oprah and I would look at other people amazing and I would just dismiss them I would dismiss them because I was like well they're born special so I I can never do that and it it was um a great soothing mechanism in real time to make me feel better about myself to dismiss other people that were amazing and then that way I didn't have to challenge or look at myself and having gone through my own Evolution and meeting you it's insane how wrong that was and I will let you speak for yourself but I don't think I'm anything special I just think I'm resilient enough to keep on going when I get dinged when I get punched in the face metaphorically and so the way that you just broke that down hopefully are the ingredients that someone can now take make their own dish but actually start to live that life that they want right that they don't allow rejection as the thing that holds them back that they don't dismiss themselves of what they're freaking capable of by looking at maybe somebody like you and going well I can't be as good as Jamie kma and that's why I wanted to start the interview exactly how I started it because I think that it is a beautiful way to see what is possible and the fact that in this whole interview you've broken down how that was possible is now honestly the biggest gift I think you can give people and to your point you know this is why I show up as well is that if we can allow people like I'm still learning I still learn from you I still learn from the book like I always want to keep growing and if we can help people have that mentality that it doesn't mean that you're failure that it doesn't mean that you're worthless that it doesn't mean fill in the blank now can you imagine what's possible okay I cannot sit here as your friend and hear you say you do not think you are special let me just say something okay there's a whole chapter in worthy called you're not crazy you're just first and every single one of us right now every person watching every person listening like there is not whether you listening watching right now believe that you are made in God's image the way I do whether you believe in the universe whatever you believe this is undeniably true that there is not another person in this entire universe quite like you right every person watching us right now there is no one else in existence with your unique F fingerprints with the unique Iris in your eyes every single one of us has a unique tongue print we actually have a unique heartbeat there's no one else in existence that has the same emotions you have the same feelings the same thoughts the same experiences you are so undeniably special you can't even argue it no matter what you believe you cannot argue it and here's here's the thing that that I would love to leave everyone with when you are brave enough to show up in this world as who you are all of Who You Are by definition you're first there's never been another you before they will there will never be another you again and when you show up as who you authentically are you're first so don't be surprised if not everyone gets it and not everyone gets you don't be surprised if you don't feel like you belong sometimes don't be surprised if you feel like there's things that are odd or quirky or different or unique or wrong with you it's because you're first and there are a lot of people that will not show up as who they authentically are but when you show up and say what you mean and and and and and be who you are you are first there's never been another you in the whole universe and when I realized this in my life because so much in my life I felt like I didn't fit in I didn't belong and I had this huge moment where I realized oh and my family i' have these Big Dreams and they used to call me words like crazy or this or that and I realize I'm not crazy I'm just first and for every person watching us right now when you are brave enough to be who you truly are you are undeniably special and also you're first you're not crazy you're just first right and and and and the first ever you and the things we think so often are what's crooky or wrong with us they're actually the greatest things right with us they're the greatest things right with us right and when we learn to embrace that we're first it can change everything because it's that tool right that this idea you're not crazy you're just first it's this tool that just gives you this power to show up more as who you authentically are in every moment and every time you do that you tell yourself you are worthy of doing it and that is how you rise your self worth one step at a time um where can people find you and the amazing book worthy so worthy is uh it's out in the world I'm so excited out and it's at worthy book.com you can grab it anywhere books are sold Target Amazon Barnes and& Noble um there's a lot of exciting just thank you gifts at worthy book.com and I'm donating A1 % of the proceeds from the book if you're feeling stuck or trapped in life then keep watching so that you can actually change everything there's also something about let's say you want to do something and those in your life do not support you doing it and you're going to do it anyway when you come out the other end I'm going to tell you right now that kind of confidence is unshakable I have done things in my business that I thought I could absolutely never do and it gives me the confidence to go through new things that are very very scary to me so you won't even recognize yourself if you are God forbid if you get into a situation that you want to do something your spouse does not support it you do it anyway and there's friction for a while but you will come out the other end as long as you don't give up you will not be the same woman at all and you will just be a better version of yourself so there is a silver lining when you don't get the support because you more are just like a tiger like I'm gonna prove everyone wrong sometimes we need some of that energy so there could be some good that comes of it but dang it's Rocky in the middle I totally get that yeah and that's why I really appreciated the fact that you like it was one of those moments where when I read it you're like just don't tell him I was like oh my go she said it okay I sat there I remember writing the chapter and I sat there like I cannot say that I cannot and it was hard for me cuz I had a husband who supported me on day one so I wasn't even in that situation but I looked at my students so many of the women in my my community do not have supported SP support supportive spouses unfortunately and I think of them and I think of Emily and Jane and Sam Sammy and I think they did it anyway I know it can be done and their lives are better for it and their kids see their moms crush it there's something big even though you and I don't have our own children we know how powerful that is to have these especially I have um a g on my team her name is Jaws it's a nickname but we love jaws and her she just became my CEO and her little girl Sienna who's two said Mommy you're a CEO and she said I am and she said Can Sienna be a CEO she's like yes that's the stuff I live for when the kids see their moms doing big things yeah and so thank you for that and then putting it in the book was so eye opening and um just very honest because I do think about these pivotal moments in our lives and there's so many of us that want to have a beautiful relationship and so I never want to shy away from talking about that but also at the same time what traps us I don't again I'm not never never blaming the man to be honest I'm more kind of like our choices that we made yes yes and so in these moments where we talk about especially these days where it's like You Can Be Your Own Boss you can freaking step up to the plate homie like you can be the damn hero of your own life yes right but like what are these things that trap us it's the things that maybe we want we want the freedom of our career and we want a beautiful relationship and sometimes when those two may show up and in Conflict yeah a lot of us may choose the relationship and so the fact that you laid that out it just gives someone almost takes off the blinders of what that knock on effect could look like yes it could literally be the difference between your ultimate happiness or not because what you're going to stay in a relationship and not go after your dreams where is the happiness going to come from that so I absolutely agree and I love that you've touched on something a few times that I'm so glad you did it's not the man I love men I love working with men uh Tony Robbins was to me I have a good relationship now with my dad it took a little while and I've had some other great male bosses and my business partner that I got out of the partnership with he was incredibly strategic and smart the common denominator of all those was me not being confident in myself me thinking that he was going to save the day and I think it came down to I was so afraid of what if it doesn't work so I was looking to a man to save me because in the back of my mind I'm like this isn't going to work and then what's behind what if this doesn't work is what will people think so I think if you sum up at my whole experience as a corporate girl into entrepreneurship the biggest fear that has been a through line is what will people think if I fail or if I crash and burn I still deal with that today 14 years in it's in the back of my mind when I try new things and do new things like even putting this book out there what if it's not the success that I think it could be what will people think of me but here I am I wrote the book I'm promoting it I'm on your show because even if they think oh my gosh she's a loser um the people that have opinions about your business but they're not in your business they're not paying the bills they don't get an opinion on what you do so I had to stop letting people have opinions when I don't even know who they are they're strangers on the internet so anyway this whole idea of what will people think comes down to just being so scared that you're not enough and and and I know your show really Taps into helping women realize their worth no matter what you exist you are worthy period [ __ ] yeah girl um how the hell then did you pivot by going you said earlier right I was the person that absolutely was seeking validation in the corporate world to being the person now that can write a book I don't know it's going to work but I'm going to give it a shot like this is the juice right here girl what are the key things that people that you've adopted to allow yourself to go from not to way you want know okay the biggest thing was taking action it not working and getting back up that is the only reason I have so much confidence in what I do I believe I can do anything I believe I can figure anything out in my business that's a very big statement to say from a girl that was terrified to go out on her own uh hated getting on video I in the early years I never got on video was terrifying care deeply about what everybody thinks but what I did is I got very clear on my why remember I didn't want a boss I wanted lifestyle Freedom more than anything and so every time I did something and it didn't work like one of my first launches like when I started my own business I made $267 I thought I was going to make a 100,000 bucks so yeah I literally thought it was going to be a $100,000 launch it was 267 bucks it was huge failure and so I had all the emotions all the fears what if I have to go gravel back for my job I went through all of it for about a week and then luckily my sweet husband is like we got to get this together you need to shower you need to pull yourself together this isn't a good look for you and so it was getting back up and the next launch I did I think I made $10,000 it wasn't like millions or anything but it's it's proving to yourself that you can get back up when you get knocked down is the only way I know to find confidence it literally that has been it for me and I know for much of your story as well like crashing and burning and getting back up like literally If people could honestly really hear that go when people say what is your superpower I say it's getting back up I love that all the time I mess up I'm incompetent most of the time I'm secure like so when you think about all of these things and yet I still have achieved what I've achieved the truth is that when I get punched in the face I heal the wound and then I mean obviously metaphorically and I just go okay make sure next time you look out for that right hook yes like let's not do that again and you might feel embarrassed you might feel like so frustrated ated feelings aren't going to kill you and that's another thing you just got to feel it and then just be like what's next and I always say what's next is better so when a door gets closed for me when something doesn't work out I've 2021 was a year in business that I did not like I left and right things were not working out for me and I in my mind I kept saying what's next is better 2022 was an amazing year because I believed that it was coming I really did know that so I think it's so important that I love that your super power I get back up you cannot lose you cannot lose with that superpower and anyone can harness a superpower like that and and there's the element of when I tell myself I'm not good enough I don't hold my identity to it right I hold my identity to being the person that gets back up so every time I fail if someone was to which used to be the fear right everyone would mock me that would be the fear like oh see I told you you wouldn't be able to do it or the people you knew in the past at your like old job especially having Quest under my bell so like from Quest now being in front of the camera it's like well what if what if I tank what if I don't do well and that narrative is precisely the thing that can end up holding ourselves back but if I go well I fail but did you learn from it yes amazing now I don't I keep leaning into trying the things um and this validation piece like you were saying being able to say I was the person that used to absolutely pride myself on being the person that was getting the pat on the back and now you saying where you are now and approaching your book with f I think is beautiful because I people need to hear that and when you need that moment of jolt forward if you're scared if you're worried what if I fail been able to say well Amy tried it with her book so if Amy tried it you even said it earlier right if someone else can do it then so can I amen look for proof everywhere there is proof that you can fail there is proof that you can succeed it is everywhere whatever you want it to look like so I'm just constantly looking at like oh she did it okay I can do it oh look what I did I took this baby step I could take a bigger step look for the proof yeah I love that and then one other thing that literally made me laugh out loud in your book was when you said you're not for everyone boo oh geez this was a hard lesson for me to learn so when I first started to put myself out there it was very vanilla I wouldn't really put a steak in the ground either way and then I realized I'm going to get lost in the sea of online craziness right I've got to be known for something I've got to put my opinions out there so I started to be more vocal and then there's this one guy online that he's like you are wrong about marketing strategy or something and then other people chimed in and I thought oh my gosh I'm going down I think it was three people but in my mind three million people came after me it sounds like there's like hundreds of thousands of people I think it was three people and so I called it my good friend Jasmine and I said oh my gosh I'm getting attacked online I'm so nervous should I delete the comments what do I do which you never delete the comments and I've learned that and she right away she's like you're not for everyone boo like you're not Santa Claus everyone doesn't love you or it's going to like that's not how the world works and it was the best lesson I ever got because I don't like everyone so why do I think everyone's going to like me but I had to learn that early on because when you try to please everyone and no matter what you're doing you will literally water down your message so much that you won't even recognize yourself yeah um what about if the thing that is holding you back is you yourself you talk about very eloquently about self- sabotage and so many of us do it without even acknowledging or realizing that we actually self-sabotage H I do it all the time actually I still do it to today but I catch it faster that's the beauty of experience you're still going to have the mistakes you're going to have the fear you're going to have all the feelings but you catch it faster and you bounce back and with this one I still see it come up but I could bounce back and here's what it looks like for me can you explain the definition of self as well I love so with with the idea of self- sabotage is that you do something great you have accomplishment you win in one way or another and you instantly think it's either going to be taken away or you don't deserve it or it was a fluke or something's going to happen and this used to happen to me all the time I remember my first $30,000 launch which feels like so much money I'd never seen that much money in a short period of time in my life I made $330,000 I remember telling my husband it was so exciting and the next thought was something bad's going to happen I I just had something really good happen to me the other shoes going to drop this was so normal in my head and what it comes down to is I did not believe I was worthy of that success so when you see yourself sabotaging believing that you don't deserve it it's going to go away it was a fluke anything like that it is about your worthiness because I know that you've worked a lot on your worthiness and I know you believe you are worthy of greatness when good things happen to you now are you able to sit in that greatness and and feel it o that's a good question I think only if I've earned it like if something what's that about when would you not earn it oh I think there's many times that something is just like comes to you like as a gift or like oh and I'm like but I didn't do anything to get this and I think that comes to the the the um what is it participation trophy yes hell no you're not any part of that I do not want a participation trophy in fact I want to sign around my neck that says loser just so it stings enough that I learn my lesson he you are so f like that but you do what whatever works for you right exactly now look of course there were moments if I was very sensitive I wouldn't put the sign around because I understand that would now become detrimental to my self-esteem so I like to joke but of I know myself well enough to know you can't go down this path I have taught myself to pride myself on things to work hard and go from zero to 100 that I've done the work and I think that helps me so that I don't expect great things just because I've had one success doesn't mean that I deserve another success have I worked for it and so part of me is I have to look at if I've earned it or not and that's a big thing for me okay okay so that makes sense this this idea that if you've earned it then you're going to feel really good in it and I can get behind that absolutely but I think a lot of the times something good will happen to us we're showing up we're making it happen we get this thing and then we think like the other Sho is going to drop because we make some kind of Reason in our head why we didn't deserve it or maybe we didn't work hard enough and we have to catch those really quickly because the long the quicker you can catch it the less it's going to happen because if you don't believe you deserve it I can promise you that you're going to find a way that it's going to get taken away you know like you're going to do something that will counteract this goodness that happened so nowadays when something really good happens I first make myself feel the feelings like let's sit in this before we go and do something else let's celebrate let's feel it let's acknowledge it and then let's look at how I got here to prove to myself oh no I deserve every single bit of this let's do more I have a good friend that always says to the universe more please and I love that it's like instead of thinking you're going to get it taken away she's like no I I I receive that and I would like more of that please I would like to be doing more of that oh God that's a really great way of people to approach things in these moments as you were talking I was like what is it about us if we achieve something great we're like must have been a fluke it was given to me but when something crappy happens we go see I knew I was no good so true what hell is that about I know and I think that's with more women than men like when I'm around guys and they do a good job they take all the credit for it they're like yes and I hung the moon like if I could have an ounce of that right like they are really good at just owning it most men are with women you're right it's like oh that was a fluke or this might get taken away and then hitting on but when something bad happens I could beat myself up for that for for weeks around it and that's another thing about playing small you you beat yourself up you you go down this Rabbit Hole you're not good enough look you always mess it up whatever it is I have to catch that really fast as well so when I see the spiral I'm like no no no that didn't work let's go for something else I have a good friend who says every decision she makes she does not classify it as good or bad she hasn't put those labels on it she said I made a decision and based on that decision I made another decision whether to keep going or go a different route and I love taking the stigma out of am I good am I bad no I'm just making decisions cuz that's what I need to do mhm and then you can learn from those decisions but if you say you're bad then you start to feel a certain way exactly so let's stop putting uh labels on the decisions we're making as anyone who wants to be be an entrepreneur you have to make decisions every single day so let's just say we're making decisions we're taking that label off and depending on where that leads us we're making a new decision done I love that one of the things that I've also used in these moments that I realized is when things are really bad it feels like it's going to be like that forever forever and I think that that's the point of when something good happens we know it won't last yes and so we have this like thing where um it comes into conflict the thing that we really love we're so fearful that we don't get to enjoy it because we know it's going to be you know momentary and the things we freaking hate we somehow convince ourselves it's going to be like that forever right and so the thing that you know the the wise old saying this two shall pass I use it for great things as well and it isn't to make me feel bad it is to remind myself that I I shouldn't expect to live here always why do I think that when I succeed when I have these great moments that that should be my Baseline it's true it I love that you bring this up it's not always good it's not always going to be there so if you're able to be in the suck as well as the good times if you're able to just to be present again you cannot lose that is playing the game that is playing big when you're just here for it all so I love that I never thought about thinking like when it's really good like this two shell pass it feels kind of sad but it's the reality yeah and that's the funny thing when I first thought about it I was like that's kind of s I was like actually it's not I have now now lent into the idea that this is so beautiful and they're not always going to come around and so just enjoy it right now because it's going to pass instead of worrying oh my God this isn't going to last I almost go this isn't going to last yes I I know it now so I'm just going to be very present when it does I think you know when I wrote two weeks notice the the number one goal was to help women realize that they're literally is another way out there if they want it and so when we get to talk about these real really important mindset shifts they literally help women see wait a second there's another way for me to do life if I want it if I'm stuck if I'm frustrated if I'm not loving where I'm at right now there is an absolutely different way to do it I didn't know that for so long when I was in my 9-5 job until I tell the story the very beginning of the book there was like one fateful meeting that changed my life without that meeting I didn't know there was a whole other life where I got to call the shots and so when I think about uh who I want to serve it's these women that might not know oh my gosh Come On In Like let us show you that you could literally create a Life by your own design you every woman has that capacity do you mind sharing that story cuz I think it's super powerful okay so here's what happened so I was working for Tony Robbins almost seven years as a director of content development that means like I got to travel the world with Tony and the team and work on this amazing content at his events so I had a really good job I got paid well and I got to do cool things things and then one day I was called into a meeting in San Diego and it was this big oak table and all these internet marketers like uh business owners were there all men and they were in all different walks of life from relationships to investing to real estate so many different niches I was called to the meeting to take notes so I was sitting at a side table yeah very humbling I was sitting at a side table taking notes and Tony what I love about him is he does his research and he learns from people that are doing amazing things so he said all right guys tell me about your businesses let me know how you're doing this online marketing thing cuz he wanted to do more of it and so they went around the table and all I heard was Freedom they got to pick their kids up from school at a certain time they went on wonderful vacations they called the shots they had creative freedom Financial Freedom and I just thought I don't know what these guys are doing but I have never had freedom like that in my life and it was that one moment I never thought about being an entrepreneur I never thought about having my own business and and what's so crazy is not one woman was represented at that table at the time now I think if Tony did it again there'd be badass women but many many years ago not many women were doing what we're doing today and so I thought I don't see myself at this table but something inside me tells me there's a different world and that was my first introduction that there literally is a different life I can create and that's when I became passionate about helping other women that's literally right why why I wrote the book I love this story so much because you actually said it right at the beginning of the interview where you like see someone that's doing it that gives you the encouragement but when you don't see it it takes I'm just going to be crude a little takes freaking balls yeah it really does it does and then I think about women of color where uh you know men make more money than women in in the 9 to-5 World white women make more money than women of color women of color make less money so they're not even seeing themselves in some of the women like it's really important that we see ourselves in other people and so if if this book gets more women uh women of all walks of life into entrepreneurship I want that so bad so these young women can see themselves in so many different ways so it makes a huge difference hell yeah because your book is so beautifully tactical on how to build your business what to look at how to hold yourself account and so that's why this episode I really wanted to talk about the things that hold us back from even trying from even getting started because if you're not seeing people out there that are like you if you've been told your whole life you're not good enough what on Earth is going to give you the encouragement to get freaking started in the first place amen so I think you know the bulk of the book is how to start a business from scratch but the most important part of the book is the stuff we're talking about like actually finding the courage and notice I say courage and not confidence I believe that courage comes way before confidence ever comes and a lot of women aren't starting something new because they said I I'm not confident enough no one has confidence in the beginning confidence is oh I have a track record so I have proof that this is going to work courage is I have no idea but I want it bad enough so this book is about helping women find the courage first because we are not waiting for the confidence sometimes it doesn't come for many many years and even though what courage though I love the word I do too and so I'm I'm so I find that words matter I lean into them I put severe meaning behind them and so courage it makes me feel good about myself and when someone else and I go ah they were courageous I want to be courageous what does courageous look like does that look like yeah and like even just saying the words like repeating the word over and over I'm like I really like this word I want to be courageous and now you can even see I've embodied a different Spirit by just saying the freaking words absolutely but you ask a great question I think every one of us should ask what does courage look like for me like if I'm going to be courageous what does that look like what would I do so anyone listening right now or watching ask yourself like when was the last time you did something really courageous I mean shaking in your boots kind of courageous I think we need to do more of that because it gets easier the more you do crazy things the easier it is is to kind of put yourself out there I love that um the thing that you noticed that really holds us back is the Gratitude piece where you know if you're making a change in your life for you you had a great 9 to5 you're getting pats on the back you're working up the corporate ladder um and so as you start to think well maybe is this really the life I want I want to Pivot I want to change I'm going to go back to zero what was the capacity for zero um and you have other people that be like yeah but you should be grateful like you're earning money you've got a roof over your head like you and the Gratitude piece keeps so many of us stuck yes I I we don't talk about this enough you're absolutely right it's this idea that you should be glad ex from where you're at right now this is a good life and it could be a good life I had a really good job and it was very exciting but I also knew there is more for me I'm done playing small and so you have to you can be grateful but also want more you can be grateful and say I'm so glad this happened in my life this was a beautiful chapter like my my 9 to5 was a beautiful chapter and I don't live there anymore I'm not going to be there so you can have the best of both worlds but just being grateful for something doesn't mean you have to stay there yeah it it's become like I call it almost like toxic gratitude now very much so because it really does make you feel bad about asking for more and I think to your point you can be absolutely grateful that you got a beautiful husband a great relationship and at the same time I want more in my career I want more in my finances I want more in X Y and Z and this is something I think we just have to like keep hammering home and like breaking the idea for women that where you are right now like let's say for instance with kids right it's like you should be Greatful you're able to have a child and it's like so that means I shouldn't want five children or that means I shouldn't want kids and a career like it ends up holding us back from thinking that we're asking for too much and then that becomes a narrative especially for women that we take with us that women ask for too much oh and that is like that fires me up right there I think we're not asking for enough I think that we need to put it out there you know putting this book out into the world I didn't realize I had to ask for so many favors so this is actually very appropriate in the sense of I have to ask people can I come on your show can I do this can I do that and some people have said no and that's like I have to practice what I preach okay what's next is better but I realized I struggled asking for favors and asking for what I wanted and for many months leading up to this I didn't do it and people on my team would be like have you called this person have you done that I'm like oh I just I don't want to and I asked myself why am I so afraid to ask for what I want and it's comes back to because what if they don't think that I'm good enough to have it and again I have to catch myself so I think it's important to have these conversations to say you and I have been in the game for a long time we still deal with the stuff that we dealt with on day one of being an entrepreneur we just can navigate it in such a different way now it just comes with time and experience so stop beating yourself up if you don't know how to navigate this in the beginning nobody does and so you just have to get in the game I think if I titled the book anything else it would be get in the game like let's stop playing small let's get in the game I love that um how have you dealt with rejection then recently with people because I want to be very honest I'm always trying to be extremely honest and transparent with my audience and even now as an adult with what we've done getting rejected right now still freaking stinks I still have to process it I still have to like emotionally equalize so how do you actually handle that especially when it's someone maybe that you've trusted or maybe that you've considered like has your back true so I've had a few instances like that and you're right I've had to take a moment and let it sting like ooh that one hurts and typically I'll go to my husband or a good girlfriend and say can we talk this out a minute and so I'll have to say like I'm feeling this way and I don't think it's fair that they did this or I'm so hurt that they I just have to have that moment okay so the V yes I have to vent I got to talk it out and then once I do I have to remind myself that it's everything is not about me this is a lesson I've learned in entrepreneurship for many many years where someone might have said no to me but I have no idea if that's about me or about them they might have something else going on they might have an issue with me based on their own issues with themselves I have no clue it's the story you make up in your head that's going to determine everything right everything's a perspective a story so what I've learned is I need to choose a different story so that's stung what if they don't like me or what is it about me no no I'm going to make up a different story that's going to serve me I have no idea what's going on in their life right now I wish them well what's next is better I literally choose a different story let way more gracious than me what do you do you get over it so what do you do oh okay so I've got these I almost have these different buckets so I process like you okay I've reached out they've said no this is about me yes okay maybe it's not about me but let's say they've said no because they don't think I'm going to do well for their Channel let's just say right and now it's like well it's their business you don't know for sure no but let's just say okay so I reach out to someone this actually happened to me about 4 years ago this person was huge okay they had a catastrophic thing happen to them they reached out to us and Tom agreed to have them on his show to support their new Venture okay now we didn't think they were going to do well it was like it was just support your homie okay that that's it this person means a lot to you support them so we have them on the show they then catapult into um huge stardom okay bigger than they were okay I reach out to them 6 months ago I'm already mad I'm already mad what's coming yeah I reach out to them about six month the first favor we've ever asked in 4 years and they said no now in that moment my husband who is very emotionally sober goes yeah but babe you may not be good for his channel like for him that was like no big deal Tom was so like but if you're bad for his channel why would he have you on and in that reply I said you have your friends backs like I have and look that doesn't mean that someone else is bad you even said earlier it's not good or bad it's just a value system and this is where I had to work through it I have a value system that says when someone has been there for you you show up for them if that means an episode [ __ ] tanks an episode [ __ ] tanks yes but what is your priority what do you value more now here's the caveat I understand that this may made me a worse businesswoman I understand I have to be honest with myself if I was on their Channel and did bad yeah versus not on their Channel and not tank their episode from a business standpoint I can go it's better for them from a business standpoint they don't have me on but my value system says even if that was true if i' if someone's had my back you show up for them so now I go I've got a different value system to them I was going to say so it's you just have a different value system but now here's the other thing I'll never do that for them again and I think you've burnt your Bridge you're in my black book yes like I was going to say you have a different value system and now you have to decide are you going to separate yourself from that person now they do not get an opinion they don't get a vote anymore and that's your prerogative and I think that's a lot of growth right there to say I'm going to own this like they might think something totally different but this is my value system so I'm going to navigate this way that I think is really powerful did it feel good when you finally got to the point that you're like okay but screw that if they ever come back to me I'm done um did you get to a place of Peace so yes until they came back to us oh je this is become even more complicated right and here's then the difference between me and my husband my husband being my business partner isn't an emotional human when it comes to business so this opportunity comes he comes to me he's like what do you think I said [ __ ] no babe and he's like as your business partner I respect you but as your business partner I'm telling you you're making a wrong business decision and I had to emotionally um equalize hear what he said take it for truth okay and yet still be confident in my decision that I'm the type of person that will show up for my friends and if you don't show up for me if I ever reach out I just know who you are yes okay so while I was watching you kind of go through that it was so interesting all the different aspects I realized the thing I love about entrepreneurship the most is that we each individually get to call the shots a so sometimes when my business is not going as well as I want and I'm complaining to my husband or I'm frustrated with somebody or whatever he always teasingly says like you should talk to your boss about that meaning like oh I do get to call the shots I can work with who I want and I can say no to who I don't want to work with that does not happen in the nine-to-five world you don't always get to choose the relationships and navigate them how you want you do though like you can decide never to work with that person again and no one else gets a say I mean Tom does of course but if you guys work out that together yeah we have a respect where if you show that card where you're like this is this is important to me kind and so again being an entrepreneur means you call the shots you create the life in the business that you want on your terms there's nothing else like that in this world I think I think that's what makes it so special you call the shots just like you with your book right you even admit that you were scared to write a book you have that like impostor syndrome if you will that who am I to write a book if anyone actually going to like it but you're still got the deal you still wrote the book you put it out there without any guarantee without any guarantee and I think it comes down to what matters most to me a a book that gets all the accolades or a book that literally even what if it just changed one woman's life I mean I really do believe in the value of one life like that and so I just have to believe I know it's going to change many women's lives I need to focus more on that than all the ego that could get tied up in this so that's been a really beautiful lesson hard lesson for me to learn along the way join the bad [ __ ] club and master your confidence right now by clicking here a lot of people stay in quiet desperation because they get talked out of the thing that deep down inside they know to be true and they're going to think what's wrong with you like aren't you grateful enough why would you leave so

Channel: Lisa Bilyeu

Views: 20,025

Keywords: women of impact, woman of impact, lisa bilyeu, tom bilyeu, impact theory, quest nutrition, motivation, inspiration

Id: mT5HiqeMXu8

Length: 112min 47sec (6767 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 17 2024