The SECRET To Finding HAPPINESS In LIFE | Jon Dorenbos & Lewis Howes

and you better be they're how you view yourself yourself how you look in the mirror and how you perceive yourself that's the same way you're gonna see the world the same way you're going to talk to the world and the same thing you're going to get out of the world what sports have taught me in my life is preparation process prepare right and what I've learned is that if you're prepared you know you don't feel nervousness you don't feel pressure so excited your radiation yeah the pressure is the moments that are between waiting and going and all of a sudden when it's go time you forget everything and it's literally the moment that you were meant to be in you've trained for it and you can't wait to get in that moment because you know you're ready and you know you that you have this feeling that there's nobody in the world that deserves that position more but to get to that you got to pay the price yeah you know and for me and in football I took great pride then every time I went on the field I felt like there's nobody in the world that's better for that team at that moment than me and so you know a lot of people right go ahead you know a snapper there's a lot of pressure in this and that and it's actually funny I would actually pretend like I was an actor right who doesn't to be an actor right so I would pretend like I was an actor and I'd be on the sidelines and I'm like okay if I was like the biggest badass long snapper in the world what would that be mm-hmm step into it step into it I used to do that in high school playing football as well just have an alter ego tip and just become that person right when I cross the the lines I just became Jerry Rice yeah and I was like I'm Jerry Rice cuz he wasn't known as like the fastest guy but he was like the most precise you know everything and I was like this is who I am and it made me overcome that insecurity or fear if there was someone on their team that looked faster or whatever I was like no I am Jerry Rice yep just crossed the field it's like every time I picture crosses like the line like they step into this alter ego and that's that's powerful I totally get it and but but the advantage to that too is and and I think this is important for myself was I never wanted to be identified as any one thing like no John the football player I mean the writer John the magician it's like look this is a part of who I am but I feel like whatever that whatever the public perceives us that's their choice right they might see me as just a football guy they might see me as a hack of a magician they might see it doesn't matter but it's what do I feel about me and how do I feel about myself and what am I doing with my life when you become that alter ego you can step out of it at any time at any time because you've you've become it but it is where it is but then guess what I can come back to me mm-hmm and then as a magician boom I can you can step into the favorite Copperfield role or whatever it is you wanted to be and then I can come back to me what would you do what was the process for creating that alter ego or stepping into that yeah so the I guess in the alter ego it's more it's more in the football world like I had to literally psych myself up that I'm good enough cuz these guys are huge huge talk fast strong yeah I didn't realize it until years into my into my career I was standing next to Jason Peterson Brent Celek and there was a picture taken of us and I remember looking like I'm a five-year-old kid right now like I feel like I should be going like this holding their hands they're giant monsters monsters dude and then when I got out of the game and I went back I just remember looking around going I literally ran around with these dudes these guys are freaks of nature huge huge but when you're in it you kind of lose lose the kind of the reality of like what normal size is cuz like around my friends six-foot to 50 to 55 mm big guy yeah they're you know it's not me you know so that was a trip but it was you know when I perform I'm just me you know but I think that comes into where the confidence comes in where the preparation comes into the practicing for 20 years or something 30 years 107 years yeah yes you were prepared for medals that talent wasn't like I've been doing this for three years I don't know to perform in front of people you're performing everyday right mates with friends and and I think with me what I did America's Got yet that what I did America's Got Talent and when you really find out who are you as a performer you know it's like okay you have all these influences right but the world doesn't need in there Copperfield the world doesn't need another Dame right and nor do I want to be them I love them but there's a lion's amazing but dude there's a lot of magicians that I love there's a lot of magicians that I love that but I despot like I would never want to be you like I think it's so cheesy but I'm gonna go yes don't be that right now yeah but what ends up happening is you find out who you are mm-hmm and what I realized is I can I can talk to a crowd and and to me I realize that for me like music right I want to be a rock star but I picked up cards yeah that's the tool so there's a lot of magicians where the trick is the end-all be-all and if that's it well then the trick is your show right but if the trick becomes a tool if a trick becomes a song to create an emotion to create a connection an audience or to make something relative in a moment of time well now it's not about the trick it's about the moment mmm and I'm gonna feel really bad because two people have quoted this I read it I think it was George Carlin you know they're not that I can remember what you said they're not gonna remember the jogo or what you did but they're gonna remember remember how you feel mm-hmm and I mean how you made them feel how you made them feel right and that's gonna make him come back yeah and so I found out that in my show it's my life story and I use magic along the way on where I was at different points to how it aggrieved and how I found happiness and how I came out of it you tell your life story about the show yeah really everything the good the good the bad the ugly finding forgiveness that's crazy yeah you have a crazy story about your you were 12 years old right yeah and your dad kills your mom which is crazy and it doesn't tell you about it well you're going to practice with him and then he turns himself in afterwards with your mom and the truck or something crazy right yeah so you know it was one of those sins where my dad was guys my arrow you know the guy's my favorite personal will yeah you know we played catch every day coach my team's president Little League you know I want to be king griffey jr. in JV and I grew up in Seattle and I want to be a baseball player and so every night he'd come home and if it was dark we turned the lights on right here the car at the top the driveway he'd give me an American pop fly and we do it over and over and I catch at that Burton like I was Griffey so he was like an active coming up dad yeah he was there for you he was oh yeah supportive giving caring attentive to to my sister my brother and I yeah yeah and my mom was my other favorite person and I look I didn't have a disability I'm not looking for sympathy but reading comprehension was really difficult in school and I needed to be placed in like special reading programs hands here my mom helped start this program to basically make a reading visual and so that helped me and all of a sudden cool kids maybe come and all of a sudden people like my mom like she was cool right and so what my mom taught me is that you can struggle you can be different you don't have to be good at what everybody else is but there's still a purpose for you mmm and there's still there's still Elaine in this world for you figure out what it is and so we lived a Brady Bunch family and when I came home I was across the street playing football you know just backyard stuff with some friends and I didn't know this at the time but my dad murdered my mom and he used a bench grinder in a sledgehammer and it was really bad we're going through Wow so I came home and now looking back in hindsight and Monday quarterback right he kept me out of the garage where it happened we played a few games my friend of his came over and how does he play a few games with you after he just did this I think he snapped out I think he snapped and then he snapped out and realized I was coming home and he had to be there for you he had he had to figure out what I was going on so you know I think and look I sometimes what not sometimes all the time I try to put myself in other people's shoes and I said man if I was him well what I've done all right what would you do right you either lose it and run mm-hmm you either kill your son when he comes home or you kill yourself yeah or let's say all these things go and then all of a sudden you don't agree with what happened but maybe you understand why they acted the way they did if you can just put yourself in those shoes yeah and so he kept me from it got me off to a baseball camp the next morning and then he turned himself in you know in the trial there's speculation every which direction and you know I we think he tried to get away with it and painted the garage and I think maybe he just thought he wasn't going to and then in the state of Washington at the time second-degree murder was a back sentence of 13 years that's it that's it so you probably do the math if I run it's probably gonna go down as first-degree I'm life right and I'm gonna get caught I kill myself do I want to die or if I turn myself in on facing 2:13 I probably serve 11 and I probably get out 150 Wow like it's a lot of your life I mean for the trade for the crazy man for what you did yeah I mean from the crime it's crazy so my sister and I wanted to tempura in foster homes my brother was 18 at the time before you go on my brother went to jail for four and a half years for first account of selling LSD so it's like you go to jail for it was six to twenty five sentence we got I'm four and a half a good behavior when I was 12 years old but ticket to the crime of murdering someone it only be six or seven more years it's crazy crazy so what did have happened is I think he turned himself in so now all of a sudden his attorneys are like look he the only reason he did what he did was to protect well yet self-defense and then temporary insanity all right and I think the argument that his attorneys made is he didn't turn himself in right away because his son was coming home he didn't know what to do he protected his son got his son off and then turn himself in the next day and and and look now I'm now I'm gonna you know I'm older okay I guess whether that was his motive or not yeah that's the way I think it was fun and it made sense to people right so now it is now second degree and it was a you can label it a crime of passion you can label whatever you want the guy snapped and snapped out of it and Wow so did you talk your dad after that and when he was in jail so yeah so for well there's a few months there were you know he's in jail and not convicted yet isn't trial he's in trial yes so you're trying to figure out what's going on and and again a lot of reflection his life goes and I've hit certain ages that my parents got to that my aunt that end up raising me got to and reflected on the decisions that they made to help my sister night and think about this my dad goes to prison turns himself in for murder my mom which is my aunt's best friend her sister which is my grandparents daughter right there driving my sister night to go see him oh my gosh and they would wait outside but they were like as much as this is killing us and stabbing us we really believe that if we don't tell these kids the way they have to think they're never gonna resent us mm-hmm and instead it's gonna make sense to them like they're gonna figure this out but I think we have to let them figure it out to go see their dad and whatever that process was Wow so with my sister I was in super intense therapy that was mandated by the state and when my aunt and grandparents my therapist was amazing we would do individual sessions throughout the week and then my sister and I would do a group session with them throughout the week and yeah we would go see him at the county jail and it was very you know and I kept a journal and I've never read it until we wrote this book and it's every day for two years every emotion everything I did everything I felt and you know we would go see him and a lot of it was just hey how's the weather and like you know he couldn't talk about it nor as a 12 year old did you ever think about asking because at that time in your mind it's all so fake like this is a dream crazy so like for me to go to the prison and say dad why did you do that I'm going to the the jail to talk to my dad knowing he's coming home tomorrow mm-hmm think he's gonna get out think he's gonna get out because this isn't this is just a big mistake you know like you know this didn't happen so your conversation is completely skewed and steered because you don't have any concept of reality and I was 12 years old and now four kids today today's a lot different because the internet exposure information violence you're just exposed to so much more but when we grow up at 12 even all right we're entitled anyone they had RBI baseball yeah yeah like I didn't have the internet too you know there's people murdering and gangs and all this evil stuff so you're not you know back in the day you weren't exposed to the evil side of life probably until you got a nice core college because you just didn't see it right at least right but retention protecting you yeah you've got a routine yeah you know playing sports going home having dinner you don't even know that the evil will exist so now you're 12 years old and you're exposed to a side of the world that you didn't know existed you gotta grow up fast you know real fast and and and make a decision on who you want to be you know you do you live in vision or do you live in circumstance you make this an excuse and now are you saying these words as a kid no but it's all it's all happening whether you realize it or not I had the greatest help imaginable and so then yeah my sister I went through about a year year-and-a-half of therapy and then the final closing if you will was basically my therapist said okay we're go see your dad he's now sentenced and he's at Walla Walla State Penitentiary and you're gonna tell me whatever you want you've now had a year and a half to process this your reality is now it's set in like you know what it is you've accepted him so now what would you like to say to him knowing that this isn't a nightmare a dream and knowing you're not going to wake up and this happen right I mean that's that's deep right what do you say well and then the other thing that was powerful than me is after that happened and we'll get to that the therapist basically gave us a hug and said okay I'm done like you kids are you're on your own like we're probably never gonna talk again really and that's part of closure really acceptance well knowing that there's journeys there's beginnings there's ends mm-hmm and that good things can happen bad things can happen but but when that chapter closes its okay its okay Yvonne it's okay kids like I've done my job and it's time to move on and rock on I think I've given you guys a foundation of who you are and who you want to be and the tools to move forward when your yeah go spread your wings Wow so yeah so I my sister now in my aunt flew with us to Walla Walla State Penitentiary and yeah and this was probably since the end of the trial we didn't see him or have communication when we would go see him at the County eat you're talking through glass uh-huh but it's not real right now you get to see him you can touch him you can hug him well no no it was still behind glass really at the prison yeah but I think for me it was the realization of when I would go see him at the county jail like I said it was all a dream yeah he's coming back you're not taking in the fact that like you can't touch him and there's a phone and you don't take that in well now a year and a half goes by you've accepted your reality and now you walk in and everything every sense every observation is just magnified because you're like okay I guess there's more you know this is real and we walk in and just just the coldness the cement the Clank of the doors like the echoing of the intercoms and the guards and the jingling of keys like all this stuff was like in a movie where everything goes quiet and you just hear that one sound just super loud right sat down and then all of a sudden was glass and I remember going wow okay and then he comes in and you know in his scrubs were every calm and then phone and it's like oh my gosh like this is your life now this is my life Wow and you know that conversation was a blur you know there's a lot of things that I remember and I don't remember I feel bad we led to got like toss or no yeah I mean it's quoted right I just remember saying you know shut the F up you know like this is my time now well and I'm the man of this house Wow yeah 13 14 and near the youngest of three I was the youngest of three yeah so like it was my brother three years later my sister three years later me was he trying to give you some instructions or something or you just said no he was just sitting there and some words were exchanged I mean I think both of us got emotional at times and then I remember saying f you and he said F me f you Wow he said it back to you how why I'll never forget and then I'm gonna say that well why don't you just say you know what you're right I'm sorry I messed up it's great question and I've spent so many years thinking of that and then it comes down to you become an adult I became an adult and I said well you know what and I remember writing this book I remember going god dang if I were him or what I've done mm-hmm in that moment more room yeah well and then I said you know what I probably have done the same thing why because the kids forgetting about me or hating me it's probably gonna be the best thing for them to move on mmm like am I gonna drag these kids through this now whether that was his motive or not that's not what this is about I'm not justifying his actions I'm not I'm not agreeing with what he did but if it were me why would I have done that mm-hm and you know what this is what I've learned too is that whether that's his motive or not it's irrelevant but if I can come to peace at why he did it within the own story that I tell myself so I can understand that's all that matters and I said man I wonder if you know what am I gonna drag these kids to like what am I like you know what thirteen years prior every week with me yeah I'm out Wow so you know what F you kid that's crazy and then I left and that was it that's the last time your song you've never called him no no so I learned years later that there was a deal made where I guess if our family didn't sue him civilly he would do nothing about contacting us fighting for custody he would basically come out mmm and I get it take the kids I'm out because to him if yeah because you had like you have a criminal trial right they have a civil trial and the civil trial could be money could be anything yeah so I think from what my understanding was is don't sue me civilly I'm out and you guys do what you want to do yeah Wow and I you know as an adult I respect it yeah from my family side my aunt and and my grandparents and from his side mm-hmm that they did what they thought was best for the kids and that was me what I'm when did he get out uh just a few years ago Thanksgiving Wow Thanksgiving Day yeah thanks he'll dinner Wow in fact we were playing the Detroit Lions in Detroit and we played an afternoon game on Thursday chef Kelly said hey you guys are off Friday Saturday Sunday if you guys want to fly to Detroit and go home and have Thanksgiving dinner in California he goes left go ahead so and like myself Mark Sanchez had a couple guys we got a flight we bounced out and I went home for Thanksgiving at the time it was my girlfriend which is my wife now we were engaged girlfriend I don't know but we were together and it kind of a couple glasses of wine telling some stories and and and what's what's great is the conversation was all positive mmm you know like you're telling her he's getting out today or you knew that he's getting out no so he had gotten out years and years and years and years ago oh I'm sorry when we went back for that Thanksgiving dinner there's been times when we've had conversations about my family that just get heated and too emotional and then there's times when we've had conversations about our past within my family that it's it's actually a good conversation like it was actually it didn't go down that's really negative by depressing path and that Thanksgiving dinner was one of those conversations where on Elise was there and it just it was just a good conversation that was we talked about our past but like the vibe was that hey we're live yeah and it just kind of came out that like you know when when that'll happen we just agree to not to him he wouldn't contact - - and that and I'd never heard that and I was like and I didn't make an issue of it but I was like okay that's actually pretty cool yeah I totally get that Wow and then I instantly go into what what I've done if these were my brothers kids or something right so you know what I probably done the same thing Wow and what's funny is you know adults they've been there done that you know and so the the the beautiful part or the silver lining of that decision was now if I ever wanted to contact my dad or my sister or my brother should be our decision mmm like we wouldn't have a pressure not an email or a phone or whatever he basically wasn't allowed to wasn't allowed to yeah so I'm gonna figure out for how many years so he's been how longer than he was in right so I think he got released in like 2004 Wow so he got beep one in 292 and served what eleven twelve years you knew when he got out and but he didn't contact him he didn't contact you it wasn't allowed to ya and nor did I have any really desire at that time I didn't really care either way but you know I would always think like you know he we lived in wooden building in Seattle I knew he was out in that area and you know I remember when we play the Seahawks are we just gonna be there I would just look around shut up and I'd be like you know what I haven't seen this guy in a long long time but I feel like if I see him I'll just oh no what would you do if you saw him in a game or something no but I remember walking out for pre games and stuff oh my god bench your logo and see behind me is he not in a scared way mm-hmm you know not not in an intimidating way not not enough I don't know how is to describe it other than it's for me it was curiosity yeah I wonder if he's curious I wonder hot yeah or just did he ever come to a game you ever watch a game on TV or don't know I mean how do you not okay you know but then again would I be shocked either way sorry have you talked to him since ya know what what happens so a lot of years went by and I got married and my wife got pregnant and all of a sudden a flow of emotions came back to me for the manager man and I had thought that the book was done and I just got out of open-heart surgery this is a horn of a greatest story yeah well why don't we get back get it right it's this pretty and all of a sudden my wife gets pregnant and I start feeling all these emotions of being a dad Wow and then I started thinking about everything that my dad and I missed out on mm-hmm and about two three yeah bout three weeks before my wife delivered our daughter I looked at her and I said I think I want to see my dad Wow and I realized that I'd never like just hung out with him I never had lunch with my dad as an adult and as I grew up you know my buddy Paul and John and Danny and my friends they'd be like oh hey you know we're gonna be my dad you wanna come yeah yeah let's go and I remember they would just sit and like go get pizza with her dad and like ice cream her hey yeah hang out right as they got enough junior high in high school in college and like I saw those relationships develop with them and then when I was about to have my daughter I realized I didn't you know I had an uncle that my aunt married for a while that raised me that was an amazing influence on me and was a great role model but it's still not your dad mm-hmm you know and so I told my wife I go you know what I think I want to sit at lunch with my dad now the hard part is I wanted to do this alone and I didn't really want anybody to go with me Wow nor did I tell anyone because probably for one of the first times in my life I really didn't care you had to say wow I didn't carry your opinion I didn't care if you agree with me if you disagree with me I didn't need to hear anybody else's opinion on the decision that I want to make for me you were doing this in mind I was doing no matter what Wow and I just didn't care what anyone thought right and your wife was on board she was okay when she was on board but I wanted to do it alone yeah and I know for a fact that I wouldn't have had the heart to say stay behind because she she just want to be in the hotel and just want to be there and my wife's amazing right so ironically the timing just worked out she couldn't travel anyways Baretta yeah so like and and none of that was premeditated or probably just it's just the way it all happened right so I was performing in Calgary Canada and I was heading to Vegas doing a magic show yeah and I still playing in the NFL or not solitary after yeah so this whole thing just happened like a few months ago yeah yeah this whole five months ago and so I'd been out of the league two years and I shot an email actually the NFL did a piece and they contacted him and they said hey do you want to do this and he said unless everybody comes forward and it's okay with all my kids I'm out and so you know he goes it's not fair to everybody else well it's all the kids come unless the entire family come to me and say hey we would like you to do this interview I'll do it if not I'm out oh wow and so but but I knew that they had his contact info and I'd never asked for it I didn't care at the time because that was years ago so I I hit up the guy that did the piece and said hey by any chance do you still have my dad's email he shot it to me Wow so I shot my dad an email it said it said hey I don't really know what to say I had no expectations I don't want anything from you but if you want to say to have coffee sometime let me know holy cow this is what twenty years after you'd seen him 27 holy cow 26 yeah and sure enough he wrote me back and said I've been waiting for your time to be right I would love that I don't really know what to say there Wow 26 years he didn't wait for you to reach out to him yeah I mean if it were me you know I mean you're kind of waiting at waiting for your time to be right Wow you know and so we basically set it up that I was gonna go from Canada to Vegas I just stopped and sat with him for five and a half hours where was lunch he was living in Vegas no he was living up in the Washington area yeah and so I knew where he was at so I stopped there we met at a coffee shop yeah five and a half hours yeah we spent five and a half hours and and I'm telling you what was that like every emotion you can imagine played out and I remember age anger sadness love joy ever again so I went in with kind of the emotional wherewithal and and the and the self-awareness of okay I'm not I'm not there for him right so at the end of the day I literally I talk to myself and it's like a coach talking sure sure and I literally go at the end of the day John it doesn't matter what he says no it doesn't matter his opinion it doesn't matter you don't need validation to say sorry yeah nothing if he does great but if he doesn't are you shocked right so just manage vacations like you're not there for him you're there for you remember that don't get caught up in the moment don't let the moment affect why you're there get too emotional just just reactive just be there for you Wow and it was kind of like the game like when the moment comes everything quiets and it's just the moment and all of a sudden that's all you feel like you don't even feel or hear anything around you you're just you're in your lane it's Kevin Costner and for the love of the game Wayne's pigeon and clear the mechanism it's just fades and I remember when he walked in instantly recognized him you did recognize the Energy's face just like wow yeah and I didn't really know what to expect you know you know I I didn't know just was old and weathered Wow and he looked at me and he goes you got big and I looked at him ago you got old and we sat down and I remember a kid drew hogs Jaeger yeah and then we sat down we ordered some food and when I say every emotion happened I remember there was probably five or ten seconds he just wanted no no I blinked and I told myself I just want to have lunch with my dad Wow I just want to have lunch with my dad won't forget everything Wow and I just want to sit here and I remember looking around and there was you know a teenager and an adult I just figured that's probably a dad and a kid right and I remember looking around going if anybody in this area were to look at this table right now with my dad and I they would not think that this is a man that just killed this kid's mom and they haven't seen each other in 26 years Wow and I just remember observing everybody else and then that lasted like five or ten seconds and you just the movie that the roles over right it'll play dates over and then reality kicks in and I remember just it was small talk and how was a day how things go on what's a life being that whatever yeah and then I just said hey like how did you survive how did you live I mean you're not a gay guy you have no you know in prison in prison like how'd you survive and I'll never forget what he said he goes it was an accident I survived on accident Wow yeah and then we talked about some things that you know I won't get into sure and then she probably went through a lot in prison for him to deal it's a prison it's probably more pain than just killing herself you know more emotional trauma it's a lot of trauma well look I've you know he didn't disclose a lot about what happened behind the walls yeah but I've seen ever since he got locked up and the documentaries came out I've watched them all you know in prison yeah yeah I mean here your your your white male that went in there for a hate crime on a woman yeah you're not exactly you're you're up gonna liked do your you're in the same list of pedophiles isn't when it comes to inmate respect yeah so what he went through is that that's his demons right yeah but I remember I would I would at the moment I all of a sudden wanted answers hmm yes I would have yeah what what did mom do I'm gonna go way back - I gotta go way back go so we were at the trial and I'm 12 years old and they're gonna show the autopsy photos but my mom oh my god and my therapist said hey don't looked at my sister and I said I want you guys to see these I want you to say this oh my god to see what your dad did mm-hmm oh my god and then when the trial happened the autopsy photos were angled so only the jurors could see it the cameras couldn't see it the people watching couldn't see it my therapist got upset so he went and we were the first minors to ever get a private court order for a viewing of an autopsy photo so we went downtown to the prosecutor's office I'll never forget they walked in drop the folder and said I can't believe you're doing this to these kids and they kind of walked out so my sister I just said no dude my you're just sweating oh my god Jason now keep in mind I don't even know what this is like what's going on I'm 12 yeah I don't even know what I'm getting into and people are mad at the therapist for wanting this and I'll never forget she leaves and he just very calmly turned and he said you know what guys I don't even care if you look at it who said this my therapist because everybody thinks I want you to do this and everybody thinks it's a bad idea but why should it be anybody else's decision yes here it is if you want to look at if not we want you can go where Wow so he said I'm a leaf you either look or not and I won't even ask you but if if it's up to me this is your decision this is your life and I would want to know yeah well he gets up and right before he walks out that door he looks at my sister and I and says I know how the world works and I'm getting you I'm trying to get you guys to understand what forgiveness can do to you so if you're in your 30s or 40s maybe you have kids maybe you don't but if you ever decide to have lunch with your dad and to meet him again in to talk it'll be for reasons other than what happened because that right there is what happened and I know that doesn't sound like a popular decision right now and I know nobody else out there saying go see your dad in 20 years but if you do it'll be for reasons other than what happened mmm your call so sure enough he walks out and I peeked and I saw it Wow and some were bad really bad yeah but the ones I remember where the bruises on her hand she had little bruises and that was from her trying to protect yourself oh my gosh those are the ones that I remember and so I never once that day happened we went to the Puget Sound we stood on the cliff and we just screamed he's like just scream oh you gosh I couldn't tell you when I was there and after that moment I never thought about it why he let it out yeah you let it go let it go and I never had nightmares about it I never I never thought about it until I'm about to be a dad Wow and then I told my wife it's time and I remember being on the plane looking outside going you son of a and I'm seeing my dad for reasons other than wanting to know what happened Wow and it just came full circle holy cows got the chills but wow now I'm never sitting with my dad because you didn't need to know what happened you saw what I saw so no matter what he said you're like I saw what you did I saw there's nothing you can say to change that yeah you can't persuade me in another way like I saw what evidence you could have stopped at any moment you could have maybe hit her once and be like well what am i doing yeah you didn't have to finish it right so what you finished it right yeah so what did you well so now you're taking all this I'm taking all this in and now what I'm sitting there with him I wanted answers yeah I did yeah I would too and you know what I know what happened but I want to know what I got a liar yeah I wanna know and it was that much that fine line right there that I didn't come there to debate I didn't come here to argue I didn't come there to prove a point so I just subtly asked what happened yeah and like I said I just subtly asked and then you feel like he was authentic and honest about it or was he had times yeah at times in the conversation I do and then at times in the conversation I just felt like it's kind of there's it's just shut off he's probably also like had to block out a lot of stuff and so much trauma that you know it's not saying okay but stepping in his shoes it's probably just like maybe it was this way maybe it was that way like so you just you just brought up a really interesting concept mm-hmm and I asked him I asked him that exact question and I was prepared for two answers that I was perfect about I was totally okay excepting you did it you're in prison do you either bottle it up and forget about it or do you just come to peace with yourself and say I did it and you're over it and you move on and it is where it is and you know what if you don't agree screw the world right those are the two things that it's like and you know what I get both yeah I totally get both and it's not about whether he was right or wrong it's not about whether I agree with what he did or not but I can step back and say I get both I'm waiting so he just said he came to terms and I don't really know if I believe him you know I think it's I think it's part coming to terms and part just turning it off you just turn it off put in the bottle and toss it I think there's a think there's a combination so here's what happens so now I want answers I want know what happened and I would ask some questions and it didn't really go anywhere yeah and then the subject will get chained and be a pullet you know change to like politics or like you know look at the problems with video prisons and drugs and all this just kind of go off on a tangent and I would just kind of take a deep breath and just step back and say okay you know what that's not me mmm I'm here right and so after about five and a half hours he apologized not for doing what he did but for causing pain mmm and this was the moment that took me back to when I was 14 and when I was 22 so my mom died and when she died she had a jewelry box that my grandparents and my aunt found and then they open it up and she had necklaces in there for my brother and my sister and we when we would have turned 18 she was gonna give us those necklace it was a Saint Christopher and so sure enough my family gives it to me and I Ward everywhere huh so I go to the beach I jump in the ocean in Huntington Beach coughs so we moved down to Southern California with my Aunt Susan and I remember being at the beach and I got out of the ocean and it was gone Oh devastated powdery like 14 huh I was devastated and I look for it like I would go back and look in the sand did I literally I don't know any money I gave them like there's like a guy with a metal detector but I'll give you five bucks if you find this necklace right who's like he did but after looking for it and after being like like depressed about it feeling like I lost my mom there was a defining moment in my life when I was looking at the ocean I said you know what I didn't lose it it's not my fault I was never meant to happen and it became the defining moment of I can change the story in my own head to make sense of what happened to believe it in a different way that's a little bit more romantic about life and it'll motivate me and I can take a negative and find motivation within it all right and I told myself that my mom always wanted to go to Australia mm-hmm and so it hopped on a whale and went over to Hawaii yes and a sea turtle took her to Australia and she was at Island Japan and now all of a sudden my mom has been all over the world and so now whenever I see the ocean I know she's been there and done that and there she is mmm and so now losing that necklace which I thought was gonna be an awful thing it ended up being probably the coolest thing to this day Wow because I know where she's at so then I turned 22 I'd go back to that same beach and I remember looking out into the ocean I said mom I look I went through all this therapy and I I free of dad and at that moment I felt so guilty because I was conflicted that I thought that my mom was gonna hate me for it and resent me and thought I was picking sides and I remember going okay I'm gonna turn it if you want me to be the man you want me to be I gotta get rid of this like there's somebody in my life that's affecting my life that's no longer in my life that's my fault and so all of a sudden I story if this is not saying it's about them being right or wrong it's not it's about you being a piece yep with whatever's happening yeah I mean you letting it go so it doesn't rule your life I'm so over you 100% yeah and now that that right there is so deep because forgiveness it's not really talked about in school mm-hmm and I think that myself and a lot of people just think it's about winning and losing if I forgive you it's because I'm okay with what you did and let's just move on with our lives right and at that moment I realize it's not it has nothing to do with what that person did it had nothing to do with whether I agree with what that person did it has nothing to do if I still have a relationship with that person how do I come to peace in terms of my reality to find some positive energy to make something of myself yeah and I had to let go this burden and this the hating the blaming it like I just had to get rid of this cloud so I read a quote that Nelson Mandela had and I might get it wrong but I'll paraphrase dad goes to prison we all know when he's in prison he could be he gathers the inmates and says hey if they don't have our souls were free men because I was free in prison mmm I got out of prison and became so bitter at the time lost that I wasn't in prison until I mentally put myself in prison when I was a free man yeah and I went oh it's crazy crazy yeah and so he had to like get rid of this bitterness of time lost to free his own mind even though he was free and I was like you know what it's time for me to free my own mind yeah and resentment and anger and all these things that I kind of will just keep internally so I looked up and said I forgive dad but but mom I forgive him for being lost and I forgive him for making a mistake because I've done that I'm guilty of that mm-hmm and you know what I can live with that mom and so all this is happening in my head right 22 22 so now all of a sudden Here I am sitting at the table and before I went to see my dad I remember thinking I've never said three words out loud I've never said I forgive you I love mmm and so to my dad I was that I saw him I just at times that I wanted to probe or at times I wanted answers I just stepped back and said why are you here because you have three words that you've never saw my gosh and it doesn't matter this new concept of forgiveness doesn't matter at all what he has to say mmm what he thinks whether I agree with it whether I disagree he could have come in and said I love you I'm so sorry this is exactly what happened I'm a piece of he could have but would that have made you still resent me he still resents him does it doesn't matter he could have said you know what I I did what I had to do and F the world and all he could have but is that why I'm there no so it doesn't matter mm-hmm I wasn't there to seek validation I wasn't there it was for me hmm and so after he said I'm sorry for causing pain I basically said you know what I forgive you for being lost and I forgive you for making a mistake both of which I have made many Wow and he just looked at me and that was the time where I think it got real like that's the time where you know the eyes glaze over and I think it was just that was real Wow and I basically said I gotta bounce you know and so write a piece out right so you know we talked for a little bit longer but it was you know I the substance of the conversation I don't really know the magnification of it and and so now I kind of felt guilty in a way that I didn't tell my family right and now we didn't know you went to say dad and my grandparents you know I loved him more than anything and I think part of it too is I want him to hear it I still haven't told him you ever told your grandparents that you want to go see him great and it's been hard but I think I want him to hear it through things like this Wow so that I not that they would not that they interrupt not that anything like that would happen mm-hmm but I can just talk or they could just read and get it in the full context of why I did it mm-hmm and I think it would be a real hard conversation for me to have and I respect them and love them more than anything but hopefully they hear this or they read it mm-hm and realize it I don't want a relationship with him I don't it was for me and so I am now heading back and I get on the plane and I remember being saying like I feel great I hope I did the right thing and I remember opening the window of the plane and it was like the best onset I've ever seen in my life and sort of me that was my mom mmm and I was like oh my gosh like this is amazing so I'll and I see my wife and then now the time comes and I'm she's giving birth to my daughter and I you know the only other thing too that I don't want to touch on I don't know if I said this so if I did just he can interrupt me but I wanted to sit at the table with my dad and feel every emotion about that relationship and I wanted to think about everything that him and I missed out on and everything that should have been having my mom there having my dad there the things he should have taught me how to do the way I should have looked up to this man and then I wanted to look at him in the eyes and look into his soul and feel everything he did wrong in his life mm-hmm and maybe I'll leave a better father because it all and that was a hard thing to do and we have friends that were in our what my wife and eyes wedding one of them penpal with her dad hadn't seen him for whatever reason and then all of a sudden they wanted to see you know she wanted to see him and he passed away I have a relative father searched for him passed away they never got to see me and I didn't want to be that guy you know and that's why I did it like I didn't want to be that guy to wish I would have had just a few hours from rather just to have a conversation yeah yeah and part of it would it's for me and I remember sitting at that table and feeling that entire time of my life all over again but taking it in a way not of resentment not of hate not on plain instead what did you do wrong that maybe will help me not do the same thing what can I do right now mm-hmm to look into your soul to make my daughter's life better Wow and that is me trying to take a negative and take the story and find motivation in it because the reality is this life happens life doesn't care who you are doesn't care your religion your race what language you speak how much money you have it doesn't matter but all of a sudden if you look at it that way you become a victim of everything that happens bad right well it happened to me because of this no it happens to everybody and it might happen to different people at different times at different severa T's but the reality is life happens whether you wanted to or not so the sooner you can sit there and say you know what it is where it is and guess what that person's got problems and so does that person that person that person so the sooner I can come to terms with my own reality the sooner I can say hey this is what it is I'm not gonna let this take me down the sooner I have acceptance the sooner I have forgiveness the sooner I can look back on that and say you know what here's what I'm gonna take from it rock on I'm out yeah and I'm gonna keep moving I'm gonna keep on keeping on yes and right so at that moment that was my moment mmm Here I am this is my reality whether I like it or not and I'm gonna take this and I'm gonna find something because if I don't then this eat you you'd be better you're better for ya but if you can take that and just find something why did I go through this why did life put me through this then all of a sudden you can deal with it at least for me and so have you read this so my daughter is now born she comes out they put her on my wife my daughter's hand just brushed her face I got everything on video it's insane like George and then they hand her to me I would lose it and I turned around and I had about five seconds or everything stopped it was the moment that time stood still for me and the beeping the chaos everything stopped Wow and I looked at her and I just said hey you'll forever be able to have lunch with your daddy oh my god I never look at me the way I looked at him oh my gosh that was the first thing I ever told my daughter oh my gosh and that that meant so much more to me you know if people read that it just sounds okay you can have lunch with your dad mm-hmm but that put my entire life's journey into one sentence of what that means to me and being a dad's the coolest thing in the world Wow the coolest thing in the world he would have been a dad sooner yes and no all right John by 20s it's the right time yeah well you know it is right time and right person you need the right part give me the right person and for more than more than one reason so you know the reality is I was married divorced and then I got remarried to just an amazing woman and look I've been there done that right so as you get into this journey you reevaluate people mm-hm and I remember thinking okay this doesn't really work out I'm not going into it like that but things happen I got a great woman who's gonna be an amazing mom mm-hmm right if I die he doesn't work out if we don't work out and I can trust to see I'm gonna be a great mom and now that doesn't mean divorce that doesn't mean it could be death it could be there's a lot of things that can happen this injury whatever yeah me paralyzed forever like you don't know you don't know what life's gonna throw at you right because life happens this way it is but I know that I got an amazing woman that is gonna be the greatest mom in the world that I love more than Hank what's wrong that's right yeah what was the biggest lesson that you learned from your dad growing up and then what was the biggest lesson you learned when he was gone he was in prison Wow it could be a okay good lesson or get out lesson but what's up what's the thing that you taught you that you when you're single and when you're alone your decisions affect a lot less people mm-hmm what you do has consequences but it's gonna affect a smaller circle well all of a sudden when you get married you have kids that circle just magnified and became a lot more impressionable and now your actions can can really affect people's life so you know that are a piece of you that are a part of you that are a breathing piece of you I learned that that when you're a part of that it's time to put the big-boy pants on yeah because maybe what you think is best for you and it's not best for your family well it's time to do what's best for your family mmm-hmm and it's time to really think about your decisions because now I don't answer just to my wife and to myself now I have a little girl and I don't have a son yet but I sit back and go okay if I had a son how would things be different with how I raised him but now I have a little girl and I'm not perfect you know I still I think I still kind of have side effect from the open-heart surgery which you know we'll get into that there's emotional and or moan and all this stuff and meds and stuff so but I try to say okay she's observing how I am treating her mom mm-hm every moment every moment even if she's six months old she's still she's feeling the energy yeah and whatever happens in this house is gonna be what she's gonna expect in a relationship mm-hmm if it's going south then don't be shocked if she gets an abusive relationship and just thinks it's normal and it's okay and then she becomes just not the happy person she deserves to be yeah so having a daughter is about dating your wife and dating your daughter and look I get frustrated at times right everybody argues at times you know having a baby is stressful you know it's really a picnic yeah and it just so happens that like the the small window of time that we had my child is that literally the busiest time of my career it's like hard right right the book came out it's just like a watch going on and so we've been trying to manage that and so it's been frustrating lack of sleeping on it but but aside from right it's who do I want my daughter to marry and it should be a man like me hmm and if it's not then what do I need to change Wow and that's kind of how I try and go about and again I love I've sometimes lose my temper it's done right but when you sit back it's you know it's a it's a life journey of soothing our own souls and finding peace and trying to influence this kid in a way that she's never been influenced before you know so uh yeah how long were you playing the NFL for so I was going to my 15th 15 seasons with with the same team so I did Buffalo for two okay Tennessee for a year and a half and then Philly pick me up second half of the season so I was in Philly 11 and a half 12 and then I got traded to New Orleans and so let me take this so I'm in Philly right I get there and long story short you never know how you treat people and well you know how you treat people but you never know who you're gonna come across that's gonna make a huge difference in your life so don't burn a bridge all right and just just be cool be nice so I get hard to do sometimes it is it is so I go to Texas El Paso and I just try and conduct it kind of like fake your way in in a sense I feel like okay Sears Rapids right so I think I'm a pretty good a school boy Yeah right I leave League attackers right didn't even make all week yeah I was so mad that's so so pissed so mad I didn't the league in tackles you don't make I remember my backup got second team Oh what I don't like the back yeah how's that thank you a little bitter okay I was a little upset at that so I okay all these junior colleges are saying hey come play come play and yet Long Beach City and Palomar and all these standing up 150 guys out there but they're good you know they're good I remember going man if I go here you know I played for a guy named bill Simpson I played with us on Jason bill play for nine years in the league he was our coach amazing I'll never forget he said this if you play they'll find you if you're sitting the bench ain't never gonna be seen kid so I was like go play somewhere just get on the field if you're not on the field yeah I go nowhere you're going nowhere so Golden West junior college it's one of my buddy Paul Tessier we put high school together he's one of my best friend's he went there their own 30 okay now I remember that it's get on the field though why can't your boy if I can't play here hang it up we were the Bad News Bears and so I went there and we went oh and 1000 and 40 so we became the longest losing streak in college football history that I was in barbecue outside to hang her head on a record yeah yeah so now of a sudden I'm academically eligible to transfer out as a sophomore and I'm not really getting any looks and I put the film on I thought I played really well like you know deep I was a defensive guy I was really good at like open field tackles and covering receivers and I was never the hard hitter I was never like the super uber physical guy but I'd make tackles let's get in there I just found a way to make place and nothing yeah I guess not a lot of not a lot of coaches are going to own 40 schools right they just kind of like drive right by you yeah so I said hey let me get some game film put a highlight tape together I'm going to send it send out send it to my buddy Paul Tessier Utah you know so I'm making my highlight tape it's good like look I had good clips on that yeah I had some footage of me snappin in high school so I put that on there and then all of a sudden I was like man Nick heinle it's teammate of mine both white guys both look the same I was 47 he was 48 this is before the internet and HD camera so every Granny's like yeah you know no yeah right and we rotated positions so it's the same position on the field Yeah right so he literally major loss networks no no he was a linebacker he destroyed people like he had three hits that I remember he knocked the dude out and he knocked himself out like when I say I don't think I've ever been a part of just straight-up harder hitter I just took his huge it's nowhere you put on your game until a couple that's amazing so it's like me being like the finesse guy and just making plays and then all of a sudden just rushing hits it's like Duke this guy's amazing Wow and I was like man I haven't snapped in a while tested they need a snapper do this guy Tim Thurman he's our six six long snapper he was better than than I ever was and see he end up going to Cal Berkeley I think to play baseball better then yeah the last time when you were in the NFL probably oh yeah dude this guy six six money every time why did he go play in the NFL he picked baseball yeah you know so I took some of his snapping and it's like literally the greatest I like Dave ever known to mankind right so UTEP gets and goes this guy's unbelievable yeah we'll give you a full scholarship in Stanford hey my buddy Paul was like yep let's go and so I went there passed the test you know it was all good struggled a little bit you know that figured out cuz now that I got the scholarship on now I'm gonna really have to hone this skill like look I was good but I wasn't great you're okay lost I was better than what was out there but at the time is not nearly the standard than any one level ya know but I know I know I was d1 level well I thought I was doing well yeah here's the secret you thought what here's here's really my motive okay people laugh at this but this is the honest country I said that before I want to be a rock star yeah I did I just want to be Roger the energy is insane so I had opportunity to play baseball and I once saw a buddy of mine who was at Long Beach State and I just remember sitting at practice going it's over why it's low five hours in the outfield I can't do it so I wanted the energy of football and I told myself my goal is I wanted to play in front of a hundred thousand people how do I do it college football is football bad so I went to UTEP we were good the first year one of my first games was at Oklahoma ninety eight thousand six hundred and twelve or six hundred to be as crazy as I was 2,000 short but I remember going out going ninety eight thousand six hundred little change okay we're almost there maybe upload the Buckeyes yeah yeah that we're almost there Yeah right so I played at UTEP everything went good and then I got an agent and a buddy of mine went to the Tennessee Titans and he said hey man you can snap in this league so like use my agent he's amazing cool done so I'll never forget a team called and said hey we're gonna give we want to get the one last 50 grand I didn't get drafted so as a free agent we want to get the one boss 50 grand up front come you know come play for us man my agent calls me and says hey you just got an offer for 50 grand for a free agent snapper back in early 2000 was like this is legit but I wouldn't take it if I were you I'm like what week he goes the Buffalo Bills are gonna give you three grand and you should take that why I go ken what were you talking about he goes cuz if you go to Buffalo it's your job to lose if you go to this other team they're not getting rid of their guy you're gonna be the camp body get them through the preseason so the guy doesn't get hurt and then they're gonna cut you and to them that's worth 50 grand Wow so not lose their best cannot lose their to not lose the guy that's been there forever that's honestly one of the greatest that's ever played that position right but I didn't at the time you're not processing that right so he goes take the three grand be happy and just it's your job there's no other snapper in camp so if you get the if you fail mess up don't get hurt yeah don't get hurt okay so I signed for three grand it was like 1,700 bucks after taxes right so I took some of the guys from UTEP we went down to the Stampede or some beers like it any and I put like 1500 bucks on the freaking cake barkeep can these guys drink all night Wow so then then the next morning like that was so skewed bro so fun now I've got like 200 bucks but my buddies are happy right so then I played in Buffalo that Tennessee and then in Philly and you know it was funny so when I got to Philly that's kind of when I was figuring out who I was as a player and it all comes back to this moment right don't burn bridges right cuz you never know so Tennessee I feel then forgot I got hurt and so he got healthy and then they released me so the guy in Philadelphia breaks his neck Mike Bartram great snapper breaks his neck create an injury he's fine but they needed a snapper so it was me and three other guys one guys Adam Johnson here's a University of Buffalo and I mentored him when I was with the bills he is Longstaff so I remember seeing him going you ever shoot me like I can't lose so this guy that I was here this guy isn't like him you know you kind of helped out John Kondo great snapper and me so all of a sudden we do some snaps we do the drill and Erie comes walking out big red first time I'd see him guys a legend Dornbos come here yeah any kind he would look straight ahead and he would just move his eyes we'd look at you like I'd be here he'd be like this flicking his pen and all of a sudden his eyes would just move and he'd look II really bob stole called me he said you're my guy so Bob stole was the athletic director at UTEP bob stole gave Andy read his first big college coaching job and they coached at UTEP back back in the heyday so when I was at UTEP I just remember anytime somebody asked me to do something I was did it magic just offense it didn't matter because I was just so happy to be a part of family so for me sports was family and coming from where I came from I had a family that was kind of destroyed and so now every team I'd been on and I just had this sense of loyalty that was just far superior than anything I've ever felt because that became my family and I remember that my entire career I always wanted the guy that gave me the opportunity to look back and say I don't care if I could have had Michael Jordan on my basketball team I'm glad I picked you Wow because of the way you conduct yourself showing up on time because the process the preparation because in the hospital that every everything I just wanted that person to be proud that they gave me a chance because I was a little under sized you know a little slow I just want to make that guy problem yeah and maybe that was also the lack of having a dad to make problem that these people became this father figure that I just wanted make Robin mm-hm and so Anna Reed said you're my god you're my guy Bob Stoll said you're my guy and I'm like Bob stole it been years oh my gosh so he called Reed he said hey we got a UTEP kid he goes coach he's a magician and I promise you it'll be the best thing that's ever happened in your locker room no way and he comes he's gonna connect with the team he's gonna you'll never have another kid like to involve so Andy said you're my guy i'ma tell you right now you want to be here you're here you want to lift weights lift weights you want to run run you want to work out great you want to study study if you don't don't but if it ain't there on Sunday you're fired Wow and I was like coach you and I are gonna get along I'm going home I'll see you at practice and from that moment on Andy and I were tight he'd bring me his office I'd do a trick or two and like and I was always a locker room guy yeah I was always a people guy like you know and so what end up happening is I always want to make the guy that hired me proud the owner and Andy guys that gave me opportunities when other people didn't I just wanted them to look back years down the road and say it was not good it was a good choice good choice and I remember I played through broken bones torn ligaments yeah migraines I mean you name it I've played through for hernias I wade through it all and so next thing you know I find out that I'm in line that to break a record and I'm like I never what I heard well record right and so I'm gonna go back when you ask players what's your what's your goal you get all different answers I want want a Super Bowl I wanna be in the Pro Bowl I want to sign that for the most money ever at my position right everybody's got different personal goals that they're records that they want to achieve I remember looking around a locker room and I got to play the guy named drew blood cell who for me was like demands that I London Fletcher I got you and then I go to Philly and it's Westbrook Fletcher's all these guys Lundy flashes 53 guy I play I play the same league as him beast yeah I had a locker next to one in Fletcher him I wrote my first two years it's when I went to a pro day at Buffalo after college and he was there training like in the offseason it was like a hundred of us receivers what yours is 2006 killer yeah 2006 no were you there then no no I was in Tennessee yeah and he is like the only guy on the team there was just like a you know pro day for receivers but he was doing drills outside I remember like yeah that's that's respect that's like a d3 addict it's like it is no one cares about me he went to John Carroll I think yeah it was a circle so so let me tell you a London Fletcher story that resonated with me from that moment on we're struggling on special teams he's our starting middle linebacker never missed a game who is a be super start he's in his prime he walks into the special teams meeting looks and back then it was the old-school wedge five guys runner behind it they're just pounding I mean we had a guy named Sam - he was an old-school hard-nosed fullback who just loved to hit people right they don't have those anymore so all of a sudden London Fletcher walks in and Sam gashes behind him he looks at the two guys that set the wedge and said you two get out ain't getting the job done get out I'm here to win Wow sits down and says coach I'll set the wedge hole might get out in the NFL a lot of Big Time starters don't want to play specialty in helmet one cuz it's really tiring your injury rates high and it's not exactly the the sexiest glorious position but here comes a superstar saying hey you two up the way get out I'm gonna set the wedge which is probably the worst thing to do understand it's it's the worst it's it's everywhere over at or AC joint yeah so what happens Sam - there's another superstar him in London Fletcher's say they're gonna set the wedge we got a guy named Terence Magee is our returner first game back they set the wedge London takes out two dudes Sam - hits a guy that just goes completely out Terence Magee takes it to the house Wow I'll never forget Sam - standing over the dude looking at him as he's just laying there and he looks at our sideline he looks at their sideline and he just goes trainer and walks off the field looks at the two dudes that they kicked off the team the special teams play and he goes that's how you do it oh my gosh that's nice that's like a bar move oh my gosh studs but as rookies what that instills is it doesn't matter who you are the jobs got to get done and either a you're a guy that gets the job done no matter what or B you're not and there is no excuses in between it is either get it done or you don't get off the field get off the field now so here's what happens so now so so in the NFL you get fined for everything right if you're late to a meeting it's a fine if you're late to this 14 grand if your jersey on tops you got three plays to turn it 25 gram everything it's fine but I get it you either have total discipline or you have no discipline yeah you turn on the game and it's a very clean game right because they enforce that but now I've had all these years where it's ingrained you either get it done or you don't there is no in-between are you a guy or a woman that gets it done or do you not I don't care what the excuses I don't care what's going on it doesn't matter get it done and then if you're late I'm gonna find you because it's the only way that's gonna affect you Oh what am I gonna know how are you okay yeah yeah it's the only thing that truly affects people's quality of life is and the more he's more fine if you're gonna find a hundred grand being late you're gonna show up oh you show up real quick real quick you're never late again people ever late you know very rare and we have one guy that missed a team flight and we were playing and I was in Philly and you missed a team flight now check this out you're fine for missing the team flight you're fine for miss and the team bus from the flight to the to the hotel you're fine for not checking in to the hotel on time you're probably gonna be fine because you didn't make it a meeting yet like you're fine right so that could be $150,000 no way Oh easy dude this you've got his car and drove from Philly to New England and literally made it to the teammate behind me for the flight I ain't missing right so uh but now what happens is you you're like you're ingrained on schedule and on a certain discipline and a certain way of thinking and you become very result orientated and you become very punctual and on time yeah well then you get out of the game and you get in the real world we're like yeah 15 20 minutes late that's not gonna be fine drives me nuts yeah like it drives me nuts or it's just like hey can you get this done yeah yeah I got you and then it doesn't get done you're like you said I don't understand like why didn't it get done like that's what I'm a professional athletes well because this is no it does matter like it didn't get like it drives me nuts and and that's it's just something that I got to just adjust to you know but like it's not the soldiers rappin so I'm looking at Bledsoe and London and then I go over to Tennessee and I played with all these other guys and I start realizing what is my goal like what is my if somebody says hey what's your goal along yeah what's your goal and I was like you know what I want to be the oldest guy on the team mmm I think that'd be a pretty good goal mm-hmm because that means a I've got the most opportunity to win a Super Bowl I've got the most opportunity to make it Pro Bowl and I've got the most opportunity to make a living mmm and that means that the guy that brought me here thought I was good enough to keep me for a long time mm-hmm and that meant more to me than anything than the Super Bowl and the money then there anything it was the respect of you come up on time you show up ready to work you do whatever it takes and you know what it might off not always look pretty but I know for a fact that when I put you in there get the job done what I call 46 the jumps done and so what happens I'm playing in Philly hey John you know you're pretty close to breaking a record right oh yeah what's that you're gonna play in the most consecutive games ever played as an eagle huh like yeah yeah you're like you know this season you're gonna break it and then all of a sudden I started to reflect back on what it took to do that and what I thought about that and there were defining moments that I'll never forget and why I did what I did not to break a record but because of reporter asked me he goes dude how did you play through this injury so what happened is I got rolled up on and tore ligaments my ankle blew up doctor said eight weeks you're out and this was it beginning of season it was week four and Andy Reed came to me and said I'm not gonna put you on IR this is in 2008 I'm not gonna put you on IR because if we make the playoffs I want you in the playoffs so you're basically gonna be on the active roster for eight weeks and injured injured and I'm like okay so then I I step out I go in the locker room and I look at some of my teammates that were good buddies oh wait a minute if I'm on the active roster that means one of these guys getting fired because they got a clear roster spot to bring in another snapper to fill in for me well did that seeds got kids well that guy's been bouncing around this guy his whole life this is all he's ever wanted now he's got it and these are the dudes that are on the bubble that are gonna get cut so I went into Reid's office on crutches I say hey coach I'm playing huh oh my gosh I said just give me till Friday Wow bringing a guy do whatever you got to do but don't sign him just give me till Friday so I told Rick the trainer Mike Rick we're playing huh I go Rick we're playing I freaking love it boss so I like slept at the facility for a week right three hours on three hours off yeah so Friday comes and like everybody like the trainer's are looking like dude you're freaking nuts right we tape it up I go on the field and I hobble jog run from one side of the field to the next warmups just just yeah feel let's just see if you can walk it's like I do this right you're like galloping down right but I make it to the other side I turn around and I make it back and I see big red in the in the window you know overlooking kind of like this Overlook at the field and I just go so he walks away and I'm like so I look at Rick I go I'm playing man and I end up end up you know back then you know you could take a few shots and hey you know just do whatever got to do I wrapped it up and so now I'm going out to pregame and I'll never forget this man coach Kelly looks at me goes Dornbos just snap and get off the field I said fu coach we're snapping a game-winner I'm making a solo tackle he just look at me like you're an idiot right and so now we're doing pregame and now the Giants have all their guys walking around me just following me seeing if I'm gonna lip right cuz got a report the injuries and they're like if he's got a weakness just spearman the ankle first play oh my gosh take him out that office effort right so I did everything in my power to not limp or show any pain in pregame oh my and I get us and I remember the third warm-up snap I had I freaking did a dead sprint to the other side of the field Chuck cried the entire way in pain I was in so much but that was my moment and coach quin stop following me cuz he was like oh guys got he's got it he's fine and dude it was the most painful thing I've ever done in my life so what happens first fun snap it's old on down solo tackle I'll run by coach Coley what happens but yeah minute half two minutes left we're down by one or two what do we do we snap field oh wow don't snap the field goal go up by one or two and it being the game-winner oh my gosh that's clearly crazy right and so but now after it was after the game that I realized that those dudes came out to me and said thanks Dornbos the guys that we're gonna get cut Wow and for me playing wasn't about a record it was about me being a part of that family and me having those guys look at me and say you were the right back and there's nobody else I want out there with you that's a band that that's deep like that's a deep personal feeling of I don't know if it's validation for ego as much as it is pride as much it is respect versus ego it's it's respect I want these guys to respect me to know that when when gets really hard there is nobody else they want in there accept me for it doesn't matter he'll get it done coach this guy's gonna get it done if he says he can get into play he'll he'll do it and so you know when that came up I kind of reflected on all these things that I did and that I played through and I was like man I'm gonna make I'm gonna break a record wait a minute and sure enough I looked at the roster and I was the oldest kind of team no way I said get out of here that's crazy for about two weeks and then we signed punted Donnie Jones and he was like yeah so then so then the game comes it's game 162 so now they had second of games 162 consecutive season games that does include playoffs and ups right I played more and then I'll do it it was so funny ladies and gentlemen we'd like to congratulate John Dornbos on tying the great Harold Carmichael for the most consecutive games in Eagles history so what can it either run up there yeah very next play this hits the top of a helmet wrist explodes Oh dislocate the middle lunate bone so every ligament and yeah that's pretty yes I've had three surgeries but I I tied Oh No that's like worse I may let over 11 years straight played through everything this right here literally was impossible I couldn't part of damn it yeah that's what you're snapping with yeah so this thing was it was done but at least you got out there on the field yeah and you know what happened in the land the ambulance to the hospital because I'd artery damage so I was losing feeling and blood in my hands I had to go into emergency surgery to get the artery because the bone Oh dislocated and flipped over oh and pinched the nerve and all right so long story short I'm in the ambulance and I remember going you know what Herald's are pretty cool dude he's the guy that had the record mm-hmm and you know what if I broke this record he probably stopped showing up for lunch on Fridays so I text him amen there's nobody else I'd rather share this record than you that's cool I'd rather share it with you then not then be alone yeah so just so you know clearly I did this intentionally just to save face for you if you keep showing us he keeps showing up so why does he Marcus he got traded why would they change okay here we go so I do America's Got Talent yes okay and now I become a finalist and I didn't look at it at the time but the Eagles got amazing publicity for it so it was a win-win for everyone huge and I thought that I was representing the NFL in a positive way and so I go back to training camp I do this excuse me I come back and I'm like I feel like I'm mr. Eagle right most okay hey John we want to trade you what why huh just showing up through injury through all this stuff I just got talent yeah mr. Eagle like you can't trade me you know and they said well it's and there was a younger kid that was that they brought in to compete against me and I look I'm 37 at the time right this kids 23 stud stud was that fast youth snapped up just youth crisp Lane yeah just you know it's like I just saw myself 15 years ago right and basically the special teams go to one of the Oh younger and it was just it was time and so the GM comes up to me and he says hey so we want to trade you and honestly I think he thought I was gonna get really upset and at first I was shocked and then I went yeah but then I went wait a minute did you just say you're gonna trade me he goes yeah we've had some inquiries enquiries in the history of the NFL has there ever been a long snapper traded for and he goes actually no I don't think so so on the first long snap whatever you trade it for drafting come out if this is my reality but again it comes back to this if this is my reality does it really matter if I agree or not no no it's gonna happen it's gonna happen so you better be better you better come to peace with it make them sign deposit Wow so the owner calls me hey John if you don't want to go I'll take this trade you're being overtired forever you'll retire in April and I remember saying Jeff I just you know what I'm gonna let go they need to be right on the let go ego it's time I'm okay with it shake my hand I love you I'll do whatever you need for life you gave me 11 great years but if life's taking us in a different direction it's just time and thank you for for 11 years so what happens is I get traded to New Orleans and so when I get traded to New Orleans I plan a preseason game the very next day I do a physical and they're like yeah okay go down to the hospital take some tests no problem I got into the hospital take some tests I come back I'm getting ready for practice my phone rings I pick it up and John this is the surgeon cardiologist at Boise on hospital are you sitting down like yeah yeah what's up all right I'm gonna tell you this you're never playing football again now keep in mind I just signed a three-year extension for more money than ever ball okay I'm 37 I'm with the team that's wearing all black so I'm gonna look thin it's great this is amazed rube Reeves trooper Easton really and he goes you're never playing football again and you're gonna be an emergency open heart surgery probably in the next 24 to 48 hours so I need you to just sit there don't run don't walk fast don't drink caffeine try not to laugh turn at the COFF turn out the sneeze don't let anything over five pounds just sit there we're just playing a football game the trainers are literally walking in so I take my cleats off and I scraped the mud off them off the off the bottom because I was getting ready for practice and which brings up to another really intense thing when my mom died during the trial I just started biting my nails like crazy and I could never stop never and I'm a fast paced magician because I was always self-conscious of my hands I was always self-conscious at what people were looking at my nails which was always really fast huh I tried everything the lacquer that's tough to eat that stuff right and so but whatever happened is I met my wife and she changed a few things in me that I wanted to change and I don't bite my nails a lot that's cool you had some peace peace and then all of a sudden I did America's Got Talent I want to do my ballad and it was the first time I did a card trick on camera in front of the world slow and for me it was about showing the world I have nails that was big moment from answer Corinth is cool so now all of a sudden I take it like scrape the mud I feel it in my nail and it was cool right take my helmet off put up my locker and I started tearing up and at that moment I got upset and I started to being the victim and I got pissed off and I was like dude this is not how my career's going my wife my wife my life like everything's going so good I'm here in New Orleans like I'm happy this is not happening right and you become a victim and all of a sudden you start creating this narrative that like this isn't right right you start making excuses there it's not fair yeah so what happens I see it dude walk by name Drew Brees and I see his name Brees and it took me back I sit down and I just kind of chuckled because it took me back to 2006 when I first signed with the Eagles and I was in the tunnel and Joe Santo laquida was a reporter from ESPN he comes up and he was John can I ask you a question so yeah yeah what's up I heard that your mom's best friend Leslie Moore saying wind beneath my wings or fuel is that right I'll be honest with you Joe coming in like really deep that wasn't really expected and I go yeah yeah she actually sang it behind a curtain because she didn't think she could do it in front of everybody at the funeral did be too emotional no thanks man yeah that was a great memory you know he goes you don't get it you're gonna know Bette Midler 80's 90's beaches Broadway it's great song right it's all because last time I checked the word say I can fly higher than an eagle because you're the one who needs my wings well you're an eagle now you bounced around kid we all know it so I'm just telling you right now you work hard you show up the city's gonna love you and if you get hit too hard just stand up and open your wings and let the wind take you mmm you're gonna do great things kid I'm pulling for him and I went whoa that's whoa that's pretty cool whoa so all of a sudden I'm now sitting feeling you know bitterness feeling like a victim feeling like you know this isn't right and making every excuse blaming people like this is a cool and a dude walks by me with the last name breeze mm-hm i sat down and I said you know what it's time to rewrite this story mm-hm are you kidding me whether you're religious or not I was traded to New Orleans to be saved by a saint mm-hmm pretty cool and at the moment when I was at a low a dude walked by me with the last name breeze mm-hmm and I looked up and I said I get it mom Wow you just had to take the wind you know I had to step out of the wind and catch a breeze mmm and this breeze saved my life oh so found out I had a severely leaky valve which means the heart blood comes in from the lungs and it shoots out the top when my blood was shooting at the top that valve wasn't closing so the blood was going back into my heart and so what happened is my heart got way too big and they tracked it so I scan or something oh so you take a few breaths and they hear a murmur on an echo in their back whatever their chest yeah the chest and so I never knew it like the the doctor goes take three breasts like what am i doing so he listening for a drum and your heart should sound like this right if there's a squish down that means that there's blood leaking that squish down happens is the severity of what it is so I had a really bad leak in a bad spot which means that the vein or aorta that leaves the heart it started to blow up like a water balloon so it should be about the size of a dime or a nickel and mindless the size of a coke can hole so the doctors are like I'm just tell you right now you're one hit away from dying like if you get hit the chest you have a higher chance of that rupturing the knot and if it ruptures you're dead before you hit the ground there is no coming back did you ever feel any symptoms oh yeah yeah the doctor goes you had any symptoms I'm like what's a symptom your back hurts and you're out of breath doc have you seen the dudes I'm running around with or everyday I'm a pudgy white guy I've got a breath last 25 years now I'm 37 I get massage just five days a week cuz my back's killing me but I thought it's cuz it's football but it was the aneurysm so I got traded in New Orleans it saved my life I'm so happy it happened but then it comes back to this had I had ego and I wanted to show up hop in the on in the in the Eagles building and look at a coach who made the right decision and moving on and signing this other kid to walk in there and say I'm here now what I'd I think about that but instead sometimes you just sit back and let life happen and just realize that it's okay and that that was years of these therapies of having it's my therapist looking at me saying hey guess what I'll probably never see you again mm-hmm but it's okay because when something ends it's okay yeah something will start this is crazy man I got a I got a few final questions for you I could go on for another hour - this is amazing but I want to want to wrap this up for people imagine you get to pick the day when it's your last day here it could be a hundred years could be 50 years just imagine get to pick the day and you get to achieve every dream you sought out you get to see your daughter and your family grow up you get to be there for everything you create whatever you want you create a magical life before whatever reason you've got to take everything with you all of your your work your books your media content like all that stuff goes with you so no one has access to your information anymore the content you put out in the world mmm what'd you get to leave behind three things you know to be true to your family your daughter friends the world three truths that would be the lessons that you learn in your life that you would say hey these these are the only three things I could share with you that I know to be true in the world what would you share donate don't blame and just forgive a little more mm-hmm if you do that you'll find happiness and happiness to me that's what life's about if you find that what else matters yeah real quick and this might go on for ten so you might edit this out or not but a genius convention calls me years ago hey we want you to be a speaker and I'm like you sure you got the right guy cuz I'm not a genius okay and they're like no but you've achieved a lot of very a lot of amazing things at such a high level simultaneously we want to know your thought process so here's what we want you to do when you list your top 100 accomplishments in your life and then we do this thing and we go in there we create this chart and we diagram your life in two words based on all this and we can kind of get a sense of what type of personality you are and and what motivates you right right so I wrote my list and I sent it back to them and do within two minutes I got a call we've never had a list like this I'm like what do you mean most of the time when people we asked people to list their hundred accomplishments it's materialistic or job related the number one thing that you said your proudest of is an accomplishment as you're happy hmm let's go pride determination perseverance ability to to to feel have emotion have clarity to forgive like these are the things that I was listening like all the things that gave me a foundation that I learned throughout my life about you know through the therapy it's these are the things that make all those other things happen but without this none of that happens so why does that matter you got a you got to have your own ducks in a row in your own head and in your heart and then all everything else to take care of itself that's cool so I would say that if you want to go in life be happy and watch Ravis watch happens yeah the more the more resentful you are angry the less those accomplishments gonna means - you also you know fill them up with accomplishments and you better be real careful with the words that you tell yourself cuz that right there how you view yourself how you talk to yourself how you look in the mirror and how you perceive yourself that's the same way you're gonna see the world saying we're gonna talk to the world and the same thing you're gonna get out of the world so you better be real careful on the story you tell yourself on how you feel about yourself otherwise what are you gonna expect yeah that and that and that back that can happen within ourselves yeah and so one more story and I know you guys can edit this out then again when I uh when I was in the hospital you know you're just sliding right like I could finally stand up after the surgery after the surgery so I was in the hospital over 30 days post-surgery had some white blood cell issues hematomas and stuff we had to deal with and I would stand up and I have a suitcase and it was a suitcase with the tubes that came out of my stomach that was draining the blood and the fluid so it didn't get my legs I'd picked up my suitcase and I get the IV and I would slide my feet to the bathroom and it would take me literally two minutes to go like ten feet right and my wife would say hey don't close that door on me don't lock that door and so okay okay so I go in the bathroom and I'd shut the door but I wouldn't close it and that was my time and I'd look in the mirror and I'd cry and I'd be like man - a few days ago you were a professional athlete and now you can't even walk to the baths oh my gosh and I would see I'd lost 30 pounds sucking and looking miserable and I would have my pity party along in the bathroom and at the end of that little pity party every day I stood up I held that suitcase and it took a lot but I would hold my head up high and I looked in the mirror and I told myself you hold your head up you'd be proud you got this mmm those are the three things I told myself and sure enough my wife and I would walk the hallway and I remember Andy Reed we were losing and I sat behind him on a bus and Andy Reed said hey the captain keeps his cool the ship keeps his cool if the captain loses his cool the ship loses his cool so all of a sudden my wife and I would walk around the floors of the hallway cuz cuz the goal would be make it to the end of the hallway get your juice box and then walk back to your bed and that was like a workout and everybody looked upset everybody was staring at everybody I we just looked pissed off and my wife and I finally realized everybody's just scared if nobody knows what to do nobody knows what's going on and so my wife looked at me and goes Andy Reid said and the captain keeps his cool the ship keeps his cool when the captain loses cool the ship loses his cool what'd you say we take over the ship mm-hmm let's go honey let's go so sure enough we go out the hallway we start talking to people she started talking to the husband's the wives and the brothers and sisters of the people and then I don't forget I peeked my head in this room there's his old man just looking like just beat up and I picked my head and I go hey you look like and he picked his head up cuz he was not expecting it right I'll never forget he goes still look better than you oh that's good and I go you want to head down the hallway and get a juice box and he goes let's go kid and so we both have our IVs and we're like sliding our feet right going in slow motion but we changed that hallway you know just by talking and just by bringing in hey guys we're here let's make the best of this that's cool let's change the world because guess what the world they know me and I'm done with you that's true so let's just figure this out dude I love this man it's a crazy story John I want to acknowledge it for a moment for for your perspective because you've been through so many different challenges but you have this mindset and this ability to perceive and retell a story to yourself to find joy and happiness and I think that's the biggest lessening for me as most people don't know how to tell themselves a story about why they're here why something happened what their purpose is what their mission is but you continue to do that on every stage of life and I think your adversities really make you a special human being so don't acknowledge it for your kindness your energy your heart everything you've got a book out what's the book where can they get it what I want to appreciate what you just said and of course and that right there is what my books about and that's why it's called life as magic I'm a magician I love magic but the magic is not in the trick right the magics in this world it's in the story that you tell yourself and it's in how you treat this world and so I believe life is magic I believe in the signs I believe that I did get I stepped out of the wind and caught a breeze I believe that my mom's necklace did going away on a sea turtle and found its way around the world I believe all that that's the magic right there so the books called life is magic it's great and it's my journey it's it's my therapy it's it's the trial it's the it's the journal entries and it's the things I did to find happiness and I'm proud to say that's how I have a ph.d doctorate but I've lived mmm and if you're somebody out there that's searching to find forgiveness in any part of their life hope that this will help you mmm I love this man and you're on social media yeah at John Dornbos no agent John baby and my final question is what is your definition of greatness Wow I don't know if I've ever been asked that man cuz you've done a lot of great things you've been through a lot what is it for you keep it simple stupid right kiss the famous marketing slogan keep it simple show up you show up clapping and you know what I played with a lot of guys are a lot more athletic than me yeah a lot better than me a lot taller a lot faster but I told myself the guy that hires me is gonna be proud he picked me so what you got to do you got to show up every day and what happened is I was on this path and if you look at this table there's that path right there it just glows and all of a sudden people start jumping off the path over time kids drugs failure doesn't matter excuses I don't care what it is but if you stay on that path and people are jumping off guess what happens keep showing up you show up and guess what happens you become the oldest kind of team that's true and you tie for the record you want to be great just show up a little bit and watch rappin's down or mess thanks man this was awesome dude rockstar appreciate it brother you

Channel: Lewis Howes

Views: 30,876

Rating: 4.9246173 out of 5

Keywords: lewishowes, the school of greatness, podcast, interview, 2019, business, self help, motivation, forgiveness, happiness, Jon Dorenbos, family, bigger picture, successful people, pain points, accepting your reality, traumatic event, Facing your reality, following your dreams, NFL superstar, Buffalo Bills, Tennessee Titans, Philadelphia Eagles, magician, The Ellen Degeneres Show., America's got talent, biggest lessons, perception, self image, prepared, routine, mindset, success habits

Id: LTCIiFvWa_Q

Length: 88min 18sec (5298 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 11 2019