The Scientific Method For Unstoppable Confidence: Professor Steve Peters

you're almost punishing yourself you know I don't deserve to eat well and I don't deserve to eat the right things get you to be yourself get your machine Let's see what the machine's doing and let's change the coping strategies but the key to this would be so if I'm 30 odd you know and I've got low self-esteem I'm you know I'm 33 got low self-esteem and I came to you where would you begin with trying to help and that low self-esteem was manifesting in abusive relationships bad work relationships very negative sort of feelings about myself and maybe even some impulsive behaviors you know I'm I'm eating too much around I don't know whatever where would you start with me okay the first I mean just so people say oh wow that's a strange start but I'm a doctor so the first is make sure you're actually okay I'm okay because if someone were uh presenting with this it could be in depression if and that can present in many ways typically it's low mood and um loss of pleasure and everything and loss of energy but that doesn't have to be so I mustn't miss that so I would make sure your mind is not ill you would only treatment now we assume that this is long-standing and what you've done is you what you describing is a lot of maladaptive coping strategies so I eat too much uh which is probably Comfort eating or it's just habitual stuff that you're just not you know or it could be got so low self-esteem I've seen this you're almost punishing yourself you know I don't deserve to to eat well and I don't deserve to eat the right things so I deserve to be overweight or I deserve to look like this so that could be the bottom it so I have to start my starting point is exploration but the key to this would be to move all that to one side if you're in a reasonable place where you can actually communicate if not I'll let you express it all it's important you get it off your chest if you've got it you say I don't need to do that what I do is what I've seen the book here in a passage jungle I explained the starting point is get a blank piece of paper and write down who you want to be what behaviors do you want to have let's define what you want not what you don't want not what you're experiencing don't start with a treacle I call that the treacle start with a blank piece of paper and then write down the person you want to be do you want to be I want to be really confident I want to have a a girlfriend or a boyfriend I want to get married I want to have kids I want to work out every day I want to eat really good food right so what you're describing now is the human system the great news is when I ask you the characteristics you've got so I want to be calm I want to be happy I want to be confident that is you how do you know it's me right because if we were we can't surgically remove interference neuroscientific glitch we can see unfunctional merry scanners if we remove the chimp and computer system then you're completely in control of yourself so you would choose to be calm you would choose to be confident so therefore that's you the human system can choose what happens is when you choose to become the chimp system interferes or the computer interferes and throws shows to the world someone who's not calm so it's very important to recognize who you are before we start so now we've got a guy you're not going to write no one ever acts anxious no no one they say no what I want to be is calm collected a good friend of Integrity that is you if if we didn't have interference in the machine so it's very crucial this is the biggest point in the book the biggest point is to Define yourself because now you've got self-esteem can rise just on that alone once you've grasped like you say wow when I'm presenting the world is interference it's not me if I didn't have this machine I would not have anxiety because that's a system that you say in the human system can't do anxiety it's not built to do that it's built to be rational and calm but what it wants to do and how I want to present is a choice the chimp has no choice the computer has no choice the commute is programmed but these are interfering and presenting to the world someone who is not you so it's very important to grasp that concept that's my starting point now we've grasped that we build on that so now we I know who you are I'll say this sometimes when you're with a friend and you've been chatting a while and maybe it's got late in the evening and you've got a lot off your chest and you've discussed you calm down and sometimes the real you presents and sudden you feel at peace people often say I don't know it's just that I felt relaxed and thought I've got perspective I'll get gather the world to the way it is I accept things are and I've calmed down and then suddenly you see the real person and they've got morals and values and not every human house sometimes The Chimps the good guy some you know sometimes the human's not nice so I do get people who do not write for example who you are they don't write compassion they don't write Integrity they don't care and if I challenge say you didn't put compassion and they say I don't not bother about that so I have to work out who you are okay so not everyone is going to write the same things that's why I know it's you we're not just a generic list because someone could just be virtually signaling because you're asking me to do it or because I want to be these people but really I'm a I'm a burglar I'm a bad guy you know I want to hurt people yeah I'll tease that out how that's my job because again then you look at evidence base and you look at remorse you look at whether somebody compensates for mistakes there's a lot of things I want to see the history here okay and then I'll challenge that and challenge it so that's a series of talks so often we have a long time when we detain someone to to explore this so we don't get fooled is this you talk referencing much of your psychiatric work here within psych hospitals yeah so somebody is psychopathic we generally everyone's different version of what it is for me a newer scientific we know there's certain tracks in the brain that are not really fully developed or don't function uh and this produces someone without empathy without remorse without any conscience uh these are classic and so I don't know that I'm not a mind reader I can't tell until people talk you know so yes they could deceive me yeah I I have to just go on what they tell me but I can listen carefully to the words they use I can listen to what they're saying and look at their past life events and it starts to unravel So eventually you think okay I know what I'm dealing with now so but to be honest people don't do that with me uh what you tend is because I I would hopefully set a scene where I don't care what you write I don't care what you want to do with your life it's not for me I'm not a judge I'm here as a doctor to explore this with you and get insights for yourself so the most people are not Psychopathic we're decent people who've just got lost in the the were the Neuroscience of our mind has tumbled us so what I stumb our starting point when you give me all this was to say let's write out the real you and let's start building ourselves on that and recognizing what is not us and let's start unpicking it so let's just start saying right why would you have and we went early about low self-esteem let's look at why you have that first it's natural and healthy that can help people sometimes just saying that to go that's amazing I feel better for knowing it's natural and healthy maybe rubbish and unhelpful but at least I know it's healthy and there's not something wrong with me because the second you start saying oh I'm trying to please people and I can't say no and and you see that as being a weakness or a fault we're in trouble again because you're muddling yourself up with a machine so that's my starting point who are you what's the machine doing all of this anything the chimp does anything it does is natural there's nothing you're going to give me even if it murders someone that's what chimps do they're violent so it it's still illegal and not acceptable but I'm saying everything's natural so that puts us on a different way of looking at it again to try and give context to that natural isn't always good um so overeating is natural but it's not good and even like the classic one I always use the parents and teenagers I always say if you've got said it this morning with someone if you've got a teenager who's got a tidy bedroom that's where I want to meet if they're messy bedroom great that's normal you know so you're more concerned with teenagers that aren't being teenagers so if this you've got a teenager who never lies then it's a bit worrying maybe they're good at deceit because teenagers are learning to lie and they're learning to defend themselves and it's a natural of doing it it's not helpful in the hope to grow out of it but you've got to say what's natural and let's work with that to minimize risk or whatever we want to do so there's a long-winded way of saying you know get you to be yourself get your machine Let's see what the machine's doing and let's change the coping strategies but accept the machine is the machine if you love the driver CEO brand and you watch this Channel please do me a huge favor become part of the 15 of the viewers on this channel that have hit the Subscribe button it helps us tremendously and the bigger the channel gets the bigger the guests [Music]

Channel: The Diary Of A CEO Clips

Views: 177,648

Keywords: the diary of a ceo, podcast, life lessons, ceo, Steve Bartlett, life advice, doac, diary of a ceo clips, Steve Bartlett Podcast, steve peters, chimp paradox, the chimp paradox, self improvement, dr steve peters, sports psychology, personal development, inspirational video, chimp management, mental health, self worth, improve self esteem, improve self esteem and confidence, how to iprove my self esteem, liverpool, steven gerrard, football, football highlights, high performance

Id: FX5iapR2ReY

Length: 9min 5sec (545 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 23 2023