How to Use the Affect Bridge to Instantly Raise Self-Esteem

hi I'm Matt Tara love on common knowledge and welcome to how to use the effect bridge to instantly raise self-esteem free your clients from the influence of negative memories with these four steps my destination is no longer a place rather a new way of seeing those are the words of muscle boost as we travel through life our memories meander with us times we hate it in time as we loved the past travels with us some memories fade but others like attention-seeking phantoms tug at our conscience so that in some way that past is always present and sometimes the shrill cry of some memories is so loud so terrifying that we can't help but believe the past is now and all around us but not all memories are so obvious some memories though long-forgotten exert a lingering effect we might not even be aware of like gravity their force is invisible but very real we don't always see them but we definitely feel them just as groundwater might only be detectable by the nourishment it brings to the landscape the mysterious green vegetation in a tried desert our memories may only be detectable by the poisonous haze they cast over our lives for many of our clients that poison seeps to the surface so insidiously that the harm it causes is a baffling mystery why am I like this so getting back to the source in another video I described working with a client called Emily and I described a session in which during that session I helped her control the panic attacks that had been blighting a life we clear the brushwood so to speak so that we can begin to tackle the ingrained emotional patterns that lie beneath for months later I see Emily for a second session and she this is videoed session and she has something wonderful to tell me she says I'm not having panic attacks anymore and even if they start I can now stop them in their tracks and this is a great start but what else can I do for I have still got low self-esteem she says and self-confidence issues as the session unfolds the second session which you can watch in inside.you PTV I learned that emily is confident in some areas but still has terrible difficulty asserting herself in relationships she doesn't feel hurt but nor does she feel she can speak her mind and there are those in her life who like vultures to carrion target her because of this they use emotional blackmail as she puts it and of course she's not alone people dominate others in all kinds of ways and she says in in that video session I always try to please people and I feel terrified of upsetting anyone even when they're treating me badly saying no for her felt tent amount to inviting physical assault but the whole time I'm thinking why might that be when the consequences feel so dangerous the living is stifled so I suggest to Emily that her terror of upsetting others may have originated from times when they really had been dangerous consequences from not pleasing other people and as she relates her painful past it becomes clear that this theory isn't such a stretch Emily Emily agrees that as a child did feel dangerous to not please the adults in her life and it still does even though she's a grown woman she describes a time in her adult life where she felt unable to be assertive unable to find her voice I asked her to focus on that feeling to see if any particular memory comes to mind and at first nothing does but we wait and pretty soon a horrible old memory services a nasty presence emerging from a dark corridor of Emily's mind we follow the trail of his feeling through the decades remember she's in her she's 60 now all the way back to primary school where Emily had been giving a presentation the children had jeered at her thrown books at her and called her boring and the teacher had done nothing to help Emily had found herself completely unable to speak she had no voice back in that time it was the same feeling that has echoed through her life ever since every time she tries to stick up for herself she's felt as if she couldn't speak and highly anxious so in that case I was using the effect bridge we've located the feeling and linked it to an earlier time and now I can help Emily go back in time and sort that memory out I can reframe that memory emotionally and therefore cognitively so that it loses its power over Emily's life and by the end of the session Emily is already much more assertive and of course of course she is you know we finally freed her from the shackles of that past conditioning so how do we use the FF bridge here are some pointers number one find the feeling so I asked Emily in that video not just to describe the feeling she had when she was unable to be assertive in present times but to actually feel it for a few seconds okay get a fur get a sample of that feeling this is key we need that sample of the problem feeling I worked with a woman called Wendy who were compulsively to discarded rubber bands and smoke thrown away cigarettes now she had enough money not to have to do this and was at a loss as to where the compulsion may have come from when we use an effect bridge all became clear and the behavior vanished very quickly so number two find the memory once you've isolated the feeling ask your client what if any memory comes to mind when they focus on this feeling and don't be surprised if this answer is no at least at first but sometimes these things just take a little time when chances are it will be a memory they haven't thought about in a long on time and haven't really connected to their current difficulties but it's not a recovered memory for reasons I explained in other videos so just like Emily after a few moments Wendy told me no memory had come to mind and of course I have to accept that but after a few more seconds she suddenly recalled a time at school when her friends had thrown away sweets in the playground and she who had greedily scooped them up to eat wheat and her stepmother never allowed her sweets or gifts even on her birthday or at Christmas so been a big deal for her to suddenly get these sweets when the other children had laughed at her excitement had turned to shame and later shame had turned to compulsion and I suspect this was an example of a molar memory one that has both a positive and negative emotional root and seems to produce baffling compulsive behaviors so check out Joe Griffin's work on molar memories on YouTube once we connected Wendy's compulsion with this memory progress was Swift Emily - quite easily connected the feeling of having no voice when she needed to assert herself to the pain of those earlier memories of having being bullied and laughed at at school but vitally we need to ensure we're helping the client access memories they've always had because in therapy we always need to remain aware of the very real risk of manufacturing memories and SEP 3 we gone are the days when psychotherapists believed their job was simply to help their clients find out what happened with a naive belief that understanding where remember a problem came from or at least formulating some kind of theory as to its genesis would somehow magically make the problem dissolve you know millions of people know or at least suspect where their problems originated but knowing doesn't make a blind bit of difference to the suffering that these that their acknowledgement of where the problem came from causes so we need to do something with the origin or origins of that problematic emotional pattern if we're to dissolve its power over the client now it might have some impact to explore the memory cognitively although trying to change emotional patterns by thinking differently is often to put the cart before the horse because strong emotion tends to precede thought and if people feel very anxious then the anxiety itself tends to produce anxious thoughts so it's not always the other way around sometimes we might use the rewind technique if the memory is so strong the person shows signs of post-traumatic stress disorder or as with Emily we might bring resolution to the memory through some of them other method such as the helping hand technique about halfway through my second session with Emily and if you've seen the video you'll know what I'm talking about we deal with her memory of being bullied pretty fast and immediately and Emily tells me happily that it's now like a neutral feeling when she thinks about it so we've done done the emotional conditioning so that things can change in a present it needn't be difficult to wrench the power from troublesome memories and hand it back to the client and of course I've talked about reframing quite a lot in in other videos step number four rehearse new patterns once we've helped take the negative power from a memory so that it no longer activates difficult feelings in the present we can help our clients hypnotically rehearse new feelings in effect we take one thing out the negative feeling from the old but influential memory and put something else in a new template for feeling and behaving differently in future during relaxed trance we can help our clients view themselves from a third-person perspective as research shows that this makes it more likely new behaviours will naturally be adopted see reference 1 in the written article I helped Emily get a sense of observing herself from the future so to speak being calmly assertive and strong with people setting limits and feeling true to herself to be assertive as I reframe it to emily is to be more honest with people and because honesty is important to her this reframe was taken up so this was a frame she could respect and may becoming more assertive a way of also being more decent relationships in this second session we've come a long way we've located a memory which while it wasn't being generally recalled had still been malevolently active in tripping up Emily's life and undermining her confidence and self-esteem we've reframed that memory not just conative Lee but emotionally and we've set new emotional templates for confident interactions in future which will in turn help raise Emily's self-esteem in my third session with Emily she tells me brightly I no longer feel like a helpless child she describes successes she's had through being more assertive with people she says she's now able to state her own needs and perspectives and gives examples of where she's exercised her newfound confidence there's nothing better in life than truly breaking free of the chains of the past so I hope you found that useful and if you did please hit like and subscribe and if you want to hear when my next video is published hit the notification bell below I'm Arturo LaVon common knowledge and if you'd like to subscribe to my email newsletter you can find it over at uncom slash block that's UNK comm slash blog and thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: Mark Tyrrell

Views: 60,789

Keywords: how to raise self-esteem, raise self esteem, raise my self esteem, affect bridge, uncommon practitioners, mark tyrrell, therapy techniques, therapy tips, psychology, lift self-esteem, counseling, self esteem, psychotherapy techniques, self confidence, how to use the affect bridge, confidence, self love, low self esteem, how to build self esteem, how to improve self esteem, self help, life coaching, boost self esteem, build self esteem

Id: lRRnZy0plKg

Length: 12min 21sec (741 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 09 2019