The Ridiculous Lore of Goblins

warcraft can be a pretty serious universe there are tons of dramatic epic battles and harrowing stories of pain and climactic earth-shattering events which have immense effects on the world and then you have the goblins the history of the goblins is the absolute antithesis that some of the more serious subjects and warcraft the lore i'll be talking about today is all canon and is some of my favorite stories ever told on azeroth and most of it has to deal with the goblins and their immense love of gold but goblins weren't always at the top of the economic food chain like most races on azeroth they started out with very humble beginnings and dealt with a foe you might be familiar [Music] thousands of years ago the goblins were enslaved on the island of kazan by their zandalari masters now when the trolls first arrived to the island they discovered an incredible ore called kagemite this valuable resource is something they would use for their shamanistic rituals so they paid the goblins with shiny trinkets and other random things to put them to work as the goblins worked they realized that there was an incredibly immense amount of the ore under the island so they decided that maybe enslaving the goblins would be a much more practical idea for thousands of years the goblins were forced to suffer in the cagemite mines harvesting the precious green oar for their troll rulers but little did the zandalari know kagemite was no regular ore the dust the goblins inhaled from the ore had the incredible ability to expand their intelligence from deep within the minds the goblins crafted ingenious gadgets and gizmos to overthrow their troll rulers [Music] prepared a mecca chicken [Music] have i got a bomb for you [Music] the battle was a decisive victory and now the intelligently emboldened goblins created a bustling city on the island of kazan they built their metropolis above ground but there was also an underground city called the undermine but we have never seen that one in game once the zandalari were either killed fled or enslaved the goblins started to turn on each other most of them split into various groups called cartels many rose and fell but the prominent ones that have stood the test of time are the venture company the steamweedle and the bilgewater these coalitions feuded with each other during battles called the trade wars but these wars were not the traditional wars you'd expect it was messy and violent skirmishes that erupted all throughout the city how generous [Music] say hello to my little friend i am the little friend say hello [Music] we know that there was at least four total trade wars and the final war was called the peace war which was actually the most violent one although there were many wars all of them had the same result uh no goblin actually won it was all just needless violence in the pursuit for power eventually the cartels made a truce and decided to battle it out in the economic arena instead also the cagimite deposits under kazan did not last forever and as the supply ran out so did their intelligence leading their inventions to be rather unreliable which became a staple in goblin engineering the cartel we know most about in warcraft lore is the bilgewater the former trade prince was called prince maldi but this prince had gotten a bit soft over the years and started to let his guard down a recipe for bankruptcy in goblin society like a financial shark with razor sharp teeth an up-and-coming businessman named jaster gallywix exploited this weakness gallywix played the long game and bought out all of moldy's staff and replaced them with his own mercenaries he bought out his manor he bought the store mold he rented his jewelry from and he also destroyed his fleet of trade ships yeah you've got to be kidding me but wait maldi did have a daughter called nessa which gallywix had fallen madly in love with it's it's beautiful then asked her to marry him when they first met she refused you think you're better than me you think you're better than me so he subsequently exiled both of them from kazan and arranged for maldi's accidental death this one wants to be the big boss sorry bob the position's been filled by me now gallywix isn't a monster he still keeps in contact with nessa by sending her paintings every year of him enjoying his lavish riches he rightfully stole from her father and all this lore comes from gallywix's self-help book trade secrets of a trade prince and uh really the book is just 15 pages of actual content in 300 pages of old newspapers but sorry no refunds all hail the greatest trade prince on azeroth me for 20 years trade prince gallywix dominated the business landscape of bilgewater port gallywix ordered his workers to dig as deep as they could into the earth to rip out as much of the remaining cagemite as possible so they could make his new profitable drink cagcicola drink casuala while digging they were the first people to ever discover azerite on azeroth azerite being the literal crystallized blood of azeroth that is immensely powerful but um gallywix isn't a geologist so he just thought uh it was just a shiny rock and he fashioned it into an orb on his cane and didn't bother telling anybody about it until the events of battle for azeroth thank you for your hard work and dedication unpaid overtime is approved for all but gallywix wasn't the only one making money moves one of his former proteges has been taking steps and stealing his position and that goblin is the player character you see how the player character is able to do this is they're able to disrupt gallywix's bottom line by cornering the market on aluminum manufacturing [Applause] of twilight falls suddenly boom a world of warcraft expansion just came out and mount kajaro just erupted also there's a bunch of pirates here that gallywix hired to kill the player character the goblins of kazan took this a variety of ways many panicked some just kept partying but the smart ones took advantage of this travesty who's ready to make some money my favorite example of this is vinnie slapchop he is an entrepreneur who is trying to make a profit by selling rocks from the volcanic explosion the same explosion that is going to leave the island of kazan in ruin i see great profit possibility on the horizon all the bilgewater ports assets are about to flow to me but vinnie is small fish compared to what gallywix has brewed up conveniently there's only one ship in bilgewater port and it's gallywix's yacht he charged citizens a ludicrous amount of gold for a spot on the boat so only the rich goblins were able to escape from certain doom and in a panic most of these goblins didn't read the fine print of the deal which stated that the survivors on the boat are now contractually obligated to be his slaves ready my yacht we ride with the tide and only the most wealthy and fit will be welcome to come with us we shall sail for distant ashara there i will forge a new trade empire one that will crush the steam weedle cartel and i shall carve my likeness upon that distant land's mountains all will pay tribute to me before gallywix and his enslaved crew could reach the sandy shores of ashara they found themselves caught in a naval battle between the horde and the alliance and were utterly destroyed [Music] so nice of you to rescue me no hard feelings right we'll be on our way to our new home in azara before you know it despite the bumbling interference of you know who the bilgewater goblins found themselves on the nearby conveniently named lost isles and needed to find a way to escape coincidentally the goblins weren't the only ones stranded on this island the horde had established a foothold on the lost isles and needed the bilgewater goblin's help to find some sort of precious cargo the alliance had player character goes kills an alliance gets on a boat and [Applause] yo what's up it's me thrall you know i love nothing more than when the horde and the alliance get together and are friendly because saving azeroth is much more important that being said have you ever turned into a tornado and electrocuted hundreds of alliance sailors before i see the trader is here to rescue you watching how convenient you think you're such a big shot saving everyone and making friends with these orc savages i'm gonna crush you i'm the trait prince me i got a plan that's gonna get me off this island and make me the king of a genre mark my words i'm gonna get you i'll get you all out of my way hey hold on i think it's going to be so this is the part where the narrative of our story starts to fall apart for gameplay reasons what happens next is you blow up a bunch of explosives that turn into a town and then you control a giant shark with laser beams then you fight old god empowered naga then you fight pygmy people then you fight a bunch of zombified goblins then you use rocket boots to fly into the mouth of a volcano then you kill turtle god with an rpg which then erupts the volcano trust me i wish i could give you guys context to all of these events but there is none and our story ends in the most perplexing way possible how it ends is the player liberates all the enslaved goblins and with the help of thrall we defeat gallywix nobody messes with me no uncle uncle i give you guys are too much for me i'm beaten you've shown me the error of my ways now the incredibly confusing part is galiwicz gives up and thrall just lets him continue to be the leader of the bilgewater you know after galiwicz hired mercenaries to kill his own people stole all their money and then enslaved them now i get it the lore in the goblin starting zone is not meant to be taken seriously it's kind of like a cartoon show but when you incorporate serious characters like thrall into the mix it kind of just leaves the viewer to be kind of confused and not really sure what's going on galiwix got what you wanted and turned azshara into a bustling trade port and an industrial complex the most notable things built are a giant cannon that still hasn't been shot yet a complex highway gallerybox's giant face carved into the side of a mountain and his lovely pleasure palace which includes a hot tub and a place to golf but my favorite addition is they just terraformed a whole bunch of azshara and turned it into the horde logo for no particular reason and it's just absolutely ridiculous but that's a good thing goblins are one of if not my favorite race in wow because they are the epitome of one of the reasons why i enjoy warcraft's lore so much this universe's lore is at its best when it lets unique races and characters ham it up and do cool for the sake of doing cool it's like a comic book yes there is an underlying sense of logic that keeps things relatively grounded and cohesive but at the end of the day it's meant to be taken at face value like why do we still use swords and shields when there's magic in advanced technology who cares accept it for what it is because it's a fantasy world to get lost in like how can you take this universe's lore seriously when there's a section where a bunch of little green people snort adderall ore which makes them suddenly learn how to craft a machine gun does that make sense no not really but it's fun and unique and at the end of the day that is what really matters and what keeps me and many others captivated by the story that has been told so far but seriously what is going on at the end of the starting zone it makes no sense [Music] now i'm going to hit the sauna for some renault so bring the uh frozen cocktail and some cocoa butter [Music] where's my cocoa butter one part of cocoa and butter did you not get why is this cocoa butter so slippery yeah get me a towel whoever bought the slippery cocoa butter is fired [Music]

Channel: Platinum WoW

Views: 393,203

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Id: S3zBAYr2vAI

Length: 17min 1sec (1021 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 03 2021