The Rejection Myth: How to Overcome Fear of Rejection

I spent all this time teaching people how to share their voice with the world you know market their personal brand get their story out about who they are and what they want to accomplish in life and one of things that really surprised me when I started doing this almost 10 years ago now was how many people would come up to me and say but the Brendan how do you deal with rejection and these were often adults which really blew my mind because I was a really young guy back then and it'd be you know 45 55 65 year old folks saying well Brenda I you know how do you deal with rejection I thought what do you mean and there would be this insecurity in their voices they asked that question I thought wait you're an adult and still struggling with ideas about rejection I think that's really unfortunate and I think it shows that sometimes people live an unexamined life that they're willing to not question themselves I mean shouldn't we have all gotten over and kind of dealt with rejection pretty young I mean high school college level stuff and I know I'm not saying that we won't ever be self-conscious don't worry you don't have to give me hate emails and comments below I mean you can make fun of my shirt but I mean other than that please don't I mean I'm not trying to be insensitive people I just think that sometimes they don't understand math and odds that we think rejection is this thing that happens all the time so what happens is so many people guide their life based on this fear that they're going to be rejected so they don't take action they don't start new things they don't chase their dreams because they're worried what other people are going to think that they're going to be rejected and deemed unworthy or unlovable or you know not adequate in some way or another and you think well that's so sad because rejection the actual form of rejection that shapes people's identity and hurts them happened so rarely and if you don't believe that then that's an internal fear not the reality of the universe and let me prove this to you just with some basic data I've traveled around the globe you know well over well most of the globe now and here's when I find out over and over and over again when I speak to audiences I was just little simple activity or say if you've ever beaten rejected in a way where it hurt you know it actually it hurt and formed and shaped your identity in the way I mean it was a significant hurt that you felt it and it changed how you felt about yourself and and what you might want to go and accomplish in the world you've ever felt that before would you raise your hand everyone raises their hand I said well if you ever been rejected by let's say three people who really rejected you in that way that you were really I mean just shot down hurt and it changed who you are and what you wanted accomplish in life how many's ever having that with three people a bunch of people raise their hand again and I start escalating at number from three to five to seven to ten to fifteen to twenty to thirty here's what's amazing I've done this all over the world with audiences with thousands of people in them okay thousands of people here's the average across all those audiences all around the world doesn't matter the culture the average number about seven so anywhere between five and seven meaning people say between five and seven people hurt their feelings enough with a real rejection not one of those well I'm sorry I can't go out with you I'm washing my hair stuff I mean somebody where they really criticize you and rejected you in a way that hurt the average person says five to seven people reject him like that now there are some people who have more than that but I'm saying the average is five to seven and yet so many people when I ask well how many of you are so scared of rejection almost everyone raises their hand and it's like wait a second you're scared of something that barely ever happens because the second question I'd ask is well how many of you have ever interacted with let's say ten people and when you interact with those 10 people it went just fine they were nice to you they were polite they were patient or they just didn't care one way or another how do you ever met 10 people like that everyone raised their hand then I said well how do you ever interact with met known or associated with let's say a hundred people in your life and and you've known undred people a hundred people they were fine with you everyone raised their hand I take that number up to literally thousands everyone's still raising their hand because we've all met with interact with known or associated with you know literally thousands of people in our lives and most of them could care less didn't criticize we're generally supportive and it's like we've second you're basing your life and you're directing yourself based on this fear of rejection that may happened on average four people between five and seven times but thousands the people you interact with are cool with you or at least let you do your own thing and didn't criticize it and it's like wait a second if you realize those numbers you did the math like five people thousand five people aren't supportive of you but a thousand were and we're fine with you you think about that math for a second I automatically statistically mathematically five out of thousand these are the freaks they're the oddities they're the weirdos that they don't make computational sense over here you're worried about what the minority I mean the tragic minority in that sense five out of thousand you've got a thousand B we've got your back you could storm these five people right so you have to realize that rejection actually barely ever happens we fear it because when we were young and it happened it felt so real and so big but come on as we get older we have to gain that greater sense of awareness maturity it says you know what I am my own person I'm gonna be myself regardless and some people say well Brennan you can't expect that from people because they have so much fear it's like why does fear get so much credit because people also have so much power people have so much strength people have so much in themselves that actually can be heroic tendencies if they focus on that as much as they focused on their inadequacies so why are we giving everyone a bye card and saying oh it's okay that your skill still scared of rejection I don't think it's okay I think it's rather we should say let's have a higher ambition for ourselves as human beings to allow ourselves the freedom to be who you are to genuinely express ourselves yes we'll some people criticize absolutely some people going to criticize this video you like oh man I hate your shirt your hair looks bad you're really white and what's your deal no everyone do to say something so what I'm not going to limit my service or my message to the world based on what other people think and by the way who would be fearing the most anyway usually the people we fear are the harsh critics but let's talk about the harsh critics who are they right most harsh critics unless they're paid to be critics are just jerks and we really don't need to listen to them but why are people critical most people critical just for maybe four reasons the first reason is self boasting like most critics they're just they're braggers they like to say you're not good enough I do a much better job fantastic good for you go do a better job out of my vision please right it's like don't worry about the self boasters and the narcissus you don't need to be concerned about them they have nothing to add to the direction which you're going in your life right so just focus on your own thing don't worry about the couch critics or the apathetic advisors on the sidelines of life they really have nothing to contribute to you unless you asked for constructive feedback and don't worry about it don't worry about you know I think the second reason people becomes critics often is because it's just it's self-protection they're critical of you because they see something outstanding in you or something remarkable or something different and they're scared of different because they're comforted in their own thing or challenge their own beliefs or their own behaviors seeing you excel seeing you have the boldness the freedom the joy the ambition the guts the integrity the courage to put yourself out there so they're like oh yeah who do you think you are so they try to knock you down to their level do you need to be concerned about those people no what's the third reason I think the third reason people do it sometimes they just critical but they're critical out of ignorance they actually don't know you they don't know what you're talking about they don't know what you're doing they don't know anything about your area of expertise or the thing that you're trying to share in the world and so why be concerned about what somebody who has no knowledge about you or what you're doing has to say and the fourth reason people do it I think is because they actually do want to provide value they they want to give you some direction to protect you to care for you and they don't realize that sometimes the way that they do that their tone might be condescending or maybe the way that they do it does hurt you or does limit you but they didn't intend it they weren't trying to be a tyrant to you they're just maybe a little unconscious or lack some emotional or social intelligence for those people pity them but the rest of them ignore them you know I think give some of those people who are trying give them patience and pity the other ones don't give them patience and don't give them a time and attention and that sounds harsh to say I'll be criticized for it of course but that's what I believe so I'm gonna say it you know I want you to go say what you feel like with the world go give yourself to the world without concern about what the world thinks about you so much because if you don't if you limit the expression of who you are and what you have to give in the world based on a couple people who might criticize you what it you've done you sunk in below the lowest common denominator of mankind if we all shrunk in our ability to serve because what some people might think where would we be as humans go out and be great and never apologize for you

Channel: Brendon.com

Views: 797,452

Keywords: motivational videos, motivation, the charged life brendon burchard the charge podcast motivational video inspiring video, motivational speaker

Id: khv-vJKxJS4

Length: 9min 37sec (577 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 19 2014