Oi ya gitz, shut yer gob an’ get yer listening
gear round this zoggin announcement. Da problem with dis channel is there’s too
much lernin’ an’ not enuff fightin’. Luckily da boss has the solution to all this
nambly pamby mukkin about. Get yer legz on over to Twitch where wez be
having a bash three times a week. Stellaris, XCOM, Battlefleet Gothic Armada,
Total War: Warhammer 2, the boyz and me have krumped em good and proper in each one. Don’t be a nuffin but a stinkin’ digganob,
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Templin Brainboyz on Twitch. In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium,
there is only war. Each day on a million worlds, armies clash
in an eternity of carnage and slaughter to the laughter of thirsting gods. Across the galaxy, disparate forces muster
their fleets in the grim hope that one day victory might be claimed for the Emperor,
the Ruinous Powers, the Greater Good or a thousand other lost causes. Most fail to realize that the universe in
which they exist will not suffer any lasting triumph, another day’s survival is all that
can be achieved. In this galaxy hostile to every form of civilization,
only one has managed to not only endure, but thrive. They are the most successful race yet encountered
by man, seemingly built for war in every aspect. They are crude, savage, and possess only a
low cunning, but while the great works of races a thousand times more advanced lay in
ruins, the ramshackle designs of the Orks thunder onward. Ork physiology is fascinating, terrifying
and contradictory in equal measure. They exist as a complex interweaving of two
symbiotic organisms that somehow have been genetically linked. One strain is akin to any number of terrestrial
animals found across the galaxy, while the other is a type of fungus, which prevails
throughout an individual Ork’s bloodstream and skin. The animalistic component of their biology
carries the genetic information for an Ork’s subspecies, while the fungus seems to possess
the genetic information of the entire race. This latter aspect exhibits many other curious
properties, including some kind of ingrained genetic memory or knowledge, a type of biosynthesis,
a latent psychic ability and the capacity to quickly recover from injury. Their ability to withstand tremendous punishment
is the defining characteristic of the Ork race. They feel surprisingly little pain, even when
horrifically injured, and can recover from nearly any type of wound. Orks that have been literally cut apart have
been known to survive when stitched back together and beheaded Orks, whose heads were then attached
back on their own or another’s body have been able to fully recover as well. While any other species would weaken or tire
when subjected to constant physical harm over a prolonged period of time, the opposite appears
true for the Orks. They can survive grievous wounds with little
apparent long-term consequences, save some superficial scarring, and instead seem to
develop physically the more damage they are able to endure. The average Ork stands much taller than a
man, although their typical hunched stance makes this not readily apparent. Orks will grow all their lives, and a particularly
successful Ork will continue to become larger and stronger until they are beaten or killed. Ork reproduction remains barely understood
but revolves around a kind of fungal spore. Across their lives and at the moment of death,
Orks release these spores which then gestate underground in a plant-like womb. If left undisturbed, entirely self-sufficient
communities of Orks can arise from these spores’ years or even decades after their predecessors
were defeated or driven away. Like the extragalactic Tyranids, the Orkoid
race resembles an ecosystem composed of various subspecies arranged in a brutal hierarchy. Colloquially these component species are referred
to as Greenskins. The first and least complex form of Ork life
to gestate are Squigs. Squigs are themselves comprised of various
subtypes used by higher forms of Ork life for nearly every purpose. Oil Squigs secrete a viscous black lubricant
used to keep Ork machinery functioning, Mending Squigs can be used to suture limbs back in
place while Face-biter squigs are little more than ravenous drooling mouths on legs and
kept by Ork Warlords as a symbol of status. Other forms of Squiglife include Parasite
Hunting Squigs, Bag Squigs, and the rare and bizarre “Squigpipe” utilized as a musical
instrument. The most common Squig is the Eatin’ Squig,
a limbless blob that feeds on Ork refuse which is in turn consumed by higher Ork species. Feared above all is the Squiggoth which range
in size from that of a main battle tank to the Titans used by the Collegia Titanica. Next to emerge are Snotlings. Far too scrawny and weak to bear weapons and
lacking the violent tendencies of their larger brethren, Snotlings instead cultivate the
patches of fungi that spread wherever Orks multiply. They provide food, drink and medicine to the
Ork race and possess a natural affinity for Squigs which they raise and then train. In battle, a Snotling’s only use is that
of ammunition, fired from a cruel device known as the Shokk Attack Gun. Immediately above the Snotlings in the greenskin
hierarchy are the Gretchin, or Grots. Of all the Ork-subspecies they display the
greatest capacity for cunning. They are fast learners and quick to spot an
opportunity or weakness. Within any Ork tribe, most serve as labourers,
scouts, thieves or even assassins. The Gretchin’s instinct for self-perseveration
borders on a rudimentary sixth sense although this is often not enough to prevent them from
being forced into serving as living shields, minesweepers or emergency rations. The above average intelligence of the Gretchin
has led to the emergence of an underground economy within their normally Ork dominated
society. Many Gretchin operate their own black-market
businesses selling fungus beer, roasted squigs, or gambling enterprises. The level of sophistication present in these
enterprises is almost unknown elsewhere in Greenskin civilization and enables the Gretchin
to enjoy relatively comfortable lives while still existing as slaves to their larger masters. These subspecies endure a symbiotic relationship
with their Ork overseers, trading menial tasks in exchange for protection. Within the Orks themselves, the social hierarchy
is straightforward and brutal. They will instinctively obey those larger
than themselves and while some might rise to prominence through cunning or deception,
most seize power and retain it through the application of brute force. At the head of every Ork horde is a Warboss
or Warlord, typically the biggest and meanest of his kind who has risen through the ranks
to primacy by winning battles and killing any other challengers. First and foremost a powerful warrior, the
Warboss will hold absolute authority in his tribe or warband. The decisions of the Warboss are enforced
by a crude ruling caste of Orks known as Nobz. A type of nobility amongst Orks by the loosest
definition of the word, the Nobz have earned a position of prominence due to their greater
than average size and strength. All others in an Ork tribe are referred to
as Boyz. Depending on their speciality in combat, they
may be known as Slugga Boyz, Shoota Boyz, Ardboyz, Wildboyz or Flyboyz, while any Ork
intelligent enough to recognize which part of a grenade is thrown once the pin is removed
is known as a Stikk Bomma. A caste of specialists also exists within
the Boyz, Orks who have been born with specific information programmed into their minds that
are released once they reach maturity. These so called “Oddboyz” include Painboyz
or Mad Doks who use their “stabby bits” as medical tools. The crude bionics that are sometimes implanted
in higher ranking Ork are the work of Painboyz, although their work in this area has the tendency
to explode without warning. Psykers too exist within the Ork race, referred
to as Weirdboyz. Unlike those in other races, these Weirdboyz
draw upon the innate psychic potential of the Ork species itself, rather then the energies
of the Warp. This type of psychic power has its own dangers,
however, should a Weirdboy soak up too much of this energy his head may explode and the
resulting backlash also explode the heads of any Orks nearby. Mekboyz or Mekaniaks serve as engineers and
technicians who build all the weapons, vehicles and other technology used by the Ork race. Like every other advanced process associated
with the Greenskins, their work is notorious for suddenly exploding. Ork technology is one of the least understood
facets of their civilization. It is almost always ramshackle and slapped-together,
yet functions as well or better than anything comparable within other species. The impossible nature of Ork technology is
believed to be a result of their latent psychic powers. If enough Orks believe something is true,
it will actually become so, brought into existence through pure will. As such, Ork rockets painted yellow create
bigger explosions, Ork vehicles painted red will go faster, and Ork guns are often nothing
more than a box with bolts and bits of metal in it. This technology, such as it is, is the result
of a constant stream of poorly thought out experimentation and attempts to constantly
outdo the competition. It is usually as deadly to its operators as
to the enemy, and countless Orks have died in the pursuit of building the biggest, fastest,
or meanest weaponry. This simplistic and brutal approach is reflected
in every aspect of what they call “Kultur”. Questions regarding the nature of the universe
that have led entire civilizations to corruption and ruin never occur to Orks in the first
place. They have but one philosophy, might makes
right and not one Ork has ever doubted this for a single moment. This unshakeable self-belief is likely the
most dangerous quality of the Orks. For them, the universe is a very simple and
straightforward place, free of the angst and worry that plagues most other races. Orks have little recognition for concepts
like fate or destiny and are not frustrated when their plans fail. Instead, they just try again, usually in a
different way after forgetting how they attempted it the first time. Never does an Ork reflect on their own weakness,
instead making remarkable progress through bloody trial and error. As long as an Ork has someone to fight, someone
bigger to tell him who to kill next, and someone smaller to abuse, he will know contentment. War and killing are their only real motivation,
the one exception being the desire to possess even bigger and louder weapons or vehicles. Orks are almost always engaged in a torrent
of bloodshed and mindless violence, sometimes against the other races of the galaxy, but
typically amongst themselves. Usually these conflicts are smaller scale
or localized and never develop beyond random outbursts of violence and looting. Sometimes however, should a particularly skilled
Warboss achieve a string of successes, Orks will flock to his banner to share in his victories. Once this Ork population reaches a form of
critical mass a WAAAGH! might be declared. Part military campaign and part migration,
a WAAAGH! is war on an apocalyptic scale. Orks beyond counting swarm from one continent
to the next, and eventually from world to world. As tales of the WAAAGH! spread, more Ork Klans
will rush to join while any potential challengers are either defeated and their clan subsumed,
or they will take control of the WAAAGH! themselves. As this campaign gains more and more momentum,
the disparate klans within grow more unified until they represent an unstoppable force
on the galactic stage. These WAAAGH!s rarely possess any clear objective,
seeking only to unleash as much carnage as possible across the universe. Within Ork Kultur, a WAAAGH! is the ultimate
expression of their twin gods, Gork, who is brutal but kunnin’ and Mork, who is kunnin’
but brutal. While they may seem identical to outsiders,
Gork is said to be the god of clobbering, smashing, and killing, while Mork is the god
of clobbering, smashing, and killing while an enemy’s back is turned. Orks exist in every corner of the universe
and there is no environment too extreme for them to not only survive but flourish. They have been discovered on toxic death planets,
depressurised orbital platforms, drifting ice flows, irradiated asteroid fields, inside
corrosive swamps, or on lightless nightmare worlds seething with horrific predators. Even in the bombed out remains of planets
subjected to Exterminatus Orks can sometimes be found and there are rumors of Ork enclaves
hidden within the Eye of Terror itself. These holdings vary from pirate outposts that
prey on merchant shipping to system-spanning Ork Empires inhabited by tens of trillions
of greenskins. These are nominally divided into klans and
tribes. Klans are massive groups of Orks who share
an enduring philosophical viewpoint on greenskin life, while tribes are much less stable, constantly
breaking apart and reforming. A single tribe might include Orks from many
different clans, but for the most part, an individual Ork’s allegiance is to his warboss
above his klan. While it can be difficult to distinguish all
the Ork Klans, generally there are six that are truly widespread and found in almost every
tribe in the galaxy. The Bad Moons, Blood Axes, Death Skulls, Evil
Sunz, Goffs, and Snakebites. It is the dream of every aspirant warboss
to one day unite the klans and tribes and usher in an even greater era of slaughter
across the galaxy. Many have come close, “Klawjaw the Mighty
Mangler of Bork”, “Tuska the Daemon Killa”, “Snagrod the Arch Arsonist”, and “Nazdreg
Ug Urdgrub”. Above them all however is the self-proclaimed
Prophet of the WAAAGH!, known to the Imperium as the Beast of Armageddon; “Ghazghkull
Mag Uruk Thraka”. The single most influential Ork in the galaxy,
Ghazghkull Thraka believes himself to be the instrument of Gork and Mork, destined to lead
the greatest WAAAGH! of all time. This is in part due to the work of Mad Dok
Grotsnik, whose cybernetic enhancements have supposedly allowed Thraka to speak to the
Great Green Gods of the Orks directly. Again and again Ghazghkull has unleashed his
followers against the Imperium of Man, or come to the aid of the Octarius Empire in
their fight against the Tyranids, but as the Time of Ending approaches and the Great Rift
of Chaos spreads across the galaxy, it is clear that Ghazghkull Thraka has set his sights
on a higher calling. Across every Ork clan and tribe, rumors abound
that Ghazghkull will soon proclaim the Ragnarork, a time when every Ork shall rise up to conquer
the galaxy. In untold numbers, Orks have already started
their migration towards the key battles of the Great WAAAGH!, and should Ragnarork finally
be declared, there may be no force in the galaxy strong enough to withstand it. The Templin Institute investigates the nations,
organizations and factions of alternate worlds. If you’ve enjoyed this video and would like
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