the office having impeccable writing for 8 minutes 42 seconds straight | Comedy Bites

sometimes I'll start a sentence and I don't even know where it's going I just hope I find it along the way like an improv conversation an improvisation you need to go back there and you need to Pretty Woman their asses we should start our own Mall yeah wait wait actually that's a really good idea Kelly what did I say I talk a lot so I've learned to just tune myself out you're Ali Larder I'm Beyonce I Am Beyonce always I am running away from my responsibilities arm feels good would I rather be feared or loved um easy both I want people to be afraid of how much they love me and I think I proved that today at the dojo what is the most inspiring thing I ever said to you don't be an idiot changed my life whenever I'm about to do something I think would an idiot do that and if they would I do not do that thing I'm not superstitious but I'm I am a little stitches all right ready come on guys Hurley worm gets the worm another worm like are they friends daily you will not die we found ourselves on the less prepared side of things when Stanley had his when his heart went berserk and I knew exactly what to do but in a much more real sense I had no idea what to do finals go sit at my desk and be quiet sorry I annoyed you with my friendship I wish I could menstruate if I could menstruate I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides I live by one rule no office romances no way very messy inappropriate no but I live by another rule just do it Nike worst thing about prison was that was the Dementors they were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they come down and they suck the soul out of your body and at height Jim is my enemy but it turns out that Jim is also His Own Worst Enemy and the enemy of my enemy is my friend so Jim is actually my friend but because he is his Own Worst Enemy the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy but what if we all get together and help each other and hire a new guy and then we all kill him but first we take out like a hundred thousand dollar life insurance policy I bet you guys like that idea don't you I think that's what they're doing to me I can't prove it but I wanted to see their faces when I said it I learned nothing I don't know what that was I just drove my car into a lake you did what I drove my car into a lake finally I want to thank God because God gave me this Dundee and I feel God in this Chili's tonight sort of an Oaky after birth in the end the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all it's fear Merry Christmas an early bird and I'm a night owl so I'm wise and I have worms wow you all took a life here today you did the life of the party that is a great idea ultimatums are key basically nobody does anything for me anymore unless I threaten to kill myself Jan is about to have a baby with a sperm donor and Michael is preparing for the birth of a watermelon with Dwight now this baby will be related to Michael through delusion I had created a website with this many problems I'd kill myself do you have a question Kelly yeah I have a lot of questions number one how dare you what I really want honestly Michael is for you to know it so that you can communicate clients to whomever oh okay what it's whoever not whomever not whomever no whomever is never actually right well sometimes it's right Michael is right it's a made-up word used to trick students no actually whomever is the formal version of the word obviously it's a real word but I don't know when to use it correctly I'm not a native speaker I know what's right but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night do you really know which one is correct I don't know it's whom when it's the object of the sentencing who when is the subject that sounds right well it sounds right but is it how did Ryan use it as an object as an object Chinese me as an object is he right about that how did he use it again it was Ryan wanted Michael the subject to explain the computer system the object guilt to whomever meaning us the indirect object which is the the correct usage of the word no one uh asks you anything ever so whomever's name is Toby why don't you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull wait this is lunch and I'm do I need to be liked absolutely not I like to be liked I enjoy being liked I have to be liked but it's not like this impulsive need to be liked like my need to be praised saying that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber and we're giving away free tickets we give them a number to call for the tickets and it's his number who is Justice beaver it's a crime fighting beaver why are you the way that you are honestly every time I try to do something fun or exciting you make it not that way I hate so much about the things that you choose to be okay you know what Meredith you lit your hair on fire today what about tomorrow what is going to happen when you come into work and you're dead I stab her in the brain with a wooden stick depression too many people on this Earth we need a new plague I declare bankruptcy I wanted you to know that you can't just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen I didn't say it I declared it I want you to think about your future at this company I want you to think about it long and hard that's what she you're Ali Larter I'm Beyonce I Am Beyonce always sounds like a good dentist oh yeah yeah what's his name crentist your dentist's name is krentus huh sounds a lot like dentist maybe that's why he became a dentist we see your teeth let me see him let me see him oh foreign what can I do you can get up right get up and you can hug it out

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 339,242

Keywords: 30 Rock, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Comedy Bites, Dunder Mifflin, Rainn Wilson, Scranton branch, Steve Carell, comedic brilliance, comedic timing, comedy goldmine, comedy moments, entertainment goldmine, funny dialogues, hilarious moments, hilarious scenes, laugh out loud, laugh-inducing content, must-watch comedy, paper company, ultimate laugh fest, versatile humor

Id: kkoEbxl-3Oo

Length: 8min 42sec (522 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 08 2023