the office doing anything BUT sell paper | Comedy Bites

Michael sorry to bother you are you going to be working down here do you want these down here no work no work what's a seven-letter word for purse actual no starts with an H handbag thank you all right everybody take a seat as you may have heard our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales [Applause] I have a clock I will see you all tomorrow bye Stanley love you it's a long Stanley all right everybody foreign we need to pump at a pace of 100 beats per minute oh okay that's uh hard to keep track how many is that per hour How's that gonna help you I will divide and then count to it right oh okay well a good trick is to live by the BG first I was afraid I was petrified no it's uh uh uh uh Staying Alive you were in the parking lot earlier that's how I know you okay everybody everybody listen up I need your ideas now ideas please right now go go come on Michael we don't know what you're talking about wet cement outside it's drying fast come on this is a lifelong dream what do I write what do I write you could put your initials in it MGS no some idiot named Mark Greg Sputnik who will claim credit for I don't it wasn't a lifetime opportunity people come on here we go yes when I was a little girl okay okay come on great let's hear it we found some wet cements all right quick hello come on right oh come on you draw a picture no because that said that says so much more than words no come on give me something good okay I was watching e and I saw Will Smith outside the Chinese Theater and oh my God he looks so good damn translate she's talking about the handprints that celebrities make in the cement I love it if you're a real star you'd put your face in it I love it that doesn't seem safe I love it I love it we are here today not to immortalize a man but an idea maybe the idea of a man hurry please greatness is only skin deep some people say and that's not true other people believe it's dangerous outside and in this case ready that's also and not true force it in as deep as you can [Music] just smile for me and let the Day begin You Are The Sunshine that lights my heart within each side will have three minutes to prepare opening arguments topic Hilary Swank is attractive the debate is whether she's hot what difference does it make attractive hot beautiful we're talking about the same thing here huge difference a painting can be beautiful but I don't want to bang a painting okay TMI ladies are we prepared to let the Kevins of the world decide anything for us anything at all we don't even give him full internet access wait what see that the obvious symmetry of the face this is a natural appeal of the scientific standard of cornophilia features that are composite average of many features yes she's attractive but she's not hot well since I have no incentive to sell I've cleaned my car organized my desk and taken a multivitamin so what now okay now I've tried everything did you prank Dwight well you like that yeah it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work I love you but I'm kind of busy so I need you to figure this one out on your own [Music] wasting time here we go hey back off it's solitaire Hey kid you're looking for work talk to me how far can you reach those lovely long arms here's yeah but no how long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours good hey Jim are you distracting these people we're working can you at least try to look busy the moment dardo put the cupcake in her mouth her daddy pulled her aside and said you're too fat No One's Gonna like you if you're too fat next time I saw David Geffen was at the Buffalo Club I love you you gay bastard I said you gay bastard us gave things are a little slow here and there's only so much cold calling you can do in a day it turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face we're getting pretty good at it [Music] movie Monday the only cure I know for the Monday blues is Varsity Blues let's go let's go let's go let's go take a seat down there all right everybody here yes popcorn anyone yes please please thank you anyone else movie Monday started with training videos but we went through those pretty fast then we watched a medical video since then it's been half hour installments of various movies with the exception of an episode of Entourage which Michael made us watch six times eat it you don't have to do that Kevin I don't know I'm glad this is happening thank you Michael why are you eating stem first this is a new food for me how well should I eat it the other way can I get some cheese whiz or hollandaise no no cheese whiz no hollandaise no chocolate sauce just eat it come on here comes the airplane there you go open open into the hangar there you go yep eat it put it in your mouth and just eat it I hate it I don't care whether you hate it you said you can do it all right eat it eat it you're killing him Michael all right all right all right from fluffy Park let me see if you swallowed it home in your mouth under your tongue oh God same thing goes for quarterly reports they are unreadable they're just numbers and boring and black so what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic like if we have a bad quarter put in a storm cloud and when we have a good quarter fireworks or a race car doesn't have to be a race car use your imagination there's this Cube on the screen it bounces around all day and sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen and at the last minute hits a wall and bounces away and we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room okay I believe she thinks she saw it I saw it I saw it and it was amazing who said I didn't see it did Jim say that I didn't see it I saw it we have a lot of collared paper here why or why do we keep printing this on white ah come on yeah I know I know it's bland it's never going to happen you've got to believe Maybe we could have some sort of riddle wait for like something that you have to look for sort of a where's Waldo oh all right all right let's quit while we're ahead that was so awesome that was awesome thank you some days I am just on fire

Channel: Comedy Bites

Views: 775,121

Keywords: American television, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Comedy Bites, Comedy Hub Channel, Dunder Mifflin, Dwight Schrute, Greg Daniels, Jim Halpert, John Krasinski, Parks & Recreation, Peacock, Rainn Wilson, Scranton, adaptation, entertainment, humor, iconic episodes, paper supply company, quirky characters, workplace comedy, workplace humor

Id: t-1gXpz3we4

Length: 10min 25sec (625 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 15 2023