THE NUN is Terrible (and other awful movies about nuns)

[Applause] the nun curse of the nun the bad nun none four horror movies about nuns were released in 2018. that's a lot of none every single one of these movies have garbage scores across the internet doesn't matter where you look how many effective scares do you think were in all these movies combined none so let's start with the movie that most of you are probably familiar with uh the nun [Music] most of you have probably at least seen the trailers or some advertisement of this movie somewhere it's the newest movie in the conjuring series it was directed by a guy named coryn hardy i know nothing about this guy i looked him up on imdb this guy has done nothing that i've ever seen had the nun been directed by james wan it probably would have come out at least a little bit better he's the guy that made the first two conjuring movies he's the guy that made the first song movie one of the only good song movies well i saw the nun in theaters with my wife not too long ago and let me tell you it is a mess it is awful did this random director and the bad ratings online scare people away hell no this movie made a [ __ ] ton of money and it's kind of sad that year after year we let these studios pump out these huge blockbuster horror films that are just awful always always awful every once in a while we get one that's like kind of decent but odds are if it's a horror movie in the current year it's probably trash i'm gonna take this thing off so the movie's about this nun who isn't really a nun yet i forget what they're called before they're nuns like a like a pre-nun like a an initiate an initiate nun so this father guy is sent by the pope to investigate this nun that committed suicide none of the characters were particularly likable in this movie so there was no tension whenever someone was in danger i didn't really care you got to create likable characters in a horror movie it's really important all the scares were really weak hello [Music] they did a pretty good job with the atmosphere i thought except it was way too dark after you watch like the first 15 minutes the rest of the movie is like pitch black during most of the shots the only light you'll see is like through a candle and it's just a bunch of shades of gray on top of black on top of gray just lots of blackness and greatness and darkness it's like as much as i like sitting around in the abyss and dark souls can we have some color does anyone have color no just black okay hey future elvis here uh i rewatched the movie and there's actually a lot of blue so this movie is pretty much a big bruise although i did kind of like how sister irene wore white it was a good contrast it came across as if she was like a beacon of hope in this very dark and dismal place without directly saying it this movie is silly in a myriad of ways there's this ridiculous scene where father burke goes outside and he starts seeing ghosts and stuff and then the ghosts push him into an open casket close the casket and then bury him alive you know they like throw dirt all up on it and then put grown grass on top of it and he's screaming from underneath the ground so then sister irene hears him somehow and digs him out and they decide to stay at the monastery let's just stay we can fix this even though i was just buried alive in an instant like that i'm just i'm underground now isn't that a good indicator that you should leave that this is a good time to get out so throughout the film sister irene consistently hears this line uh mary points the way and it's supposed to be this clever thing you know like they come across a statue and its finger is pointing at a hole where you're supposed to insert a key or something except there's like a beam of light that shine directly on the finger of the statue and then it reflects directly into the keyhole it's like hey this is what you're supposed to do could it be any more obvious the end of this movie is a complete mess the lock is the name of the none demon block is holding frenchy up against a wall you know strangling him and the demons just like talking to him you know having a conversation it's so stupid normally in these horror movies when a demon is talking to someone it's for a reason you know they're either trying to manipulate them to do something or something like that here the demons just talking to him because he's like bragging you know you are so pathetic and i am so strong you're never going to get out of this alive it's like one of those stupid scenes from dragon ball z when like you know that they're just wasting time the best part is with veloc speaking to him it gave him the time that he needed to escape why didn't they just have a lot kill him don't be afraid to kill people in these movies it's a horror movie let it happen so at the very end of this movie uh veloc is holding sister irene under some water drowning her and sister irene has the blood of christ in this glass ball and magically she's able to suck the blood of christ out of this glass ball into her mouth under water so then she plays dead so vlog lifts her up and when she's out of the water she spits the blood of christ into block's face and there's a lot of blood from christ that is some old blood curse of the none from the start it's pretty obvious that this movie has a low production value it starts with this guy sitting on a bed using a ouija board and like a really shitty dollar store uh ghost gadget in order to communicate with this dead nun that's in this house he would be using a ouija board he gets chased around by the nun and then he gets pulled underneath the bed because that's not a overused horror movie trope at all so this movie's about this girl named anna who's living at a house that's cursed by a nun but when she wants to leave she can't do so because the nun wants her to stay so he can kill her and use her death to ascend to heaven or something i don't get it it's dumb throughout the movie the nun has like a million chances to kill her but just doesn't there's a scene where she gets grabbed from underneath the bed which is another really awful horror movie trope they're littered throughout these movies the nun grabs her and has a firm grip on her arm but then just lets go there's a scene where anna's in a bathtub but then this magic plastic gets put over it and then it starts filling up with water so she's about to drown and at the last second the plastic just like vanishes and then she's okay so why didn't you just kill her there you wanted to be merciful evil merciful nun that's a ghost uh that wants her to stay in the house but then also wants to kill her but then doesn't so then the guy that got pulled underneath the bed in the beginning shows up at the house that's strange didn't he die well that's because he's a ghost but this movie wants you to be stupid and guess what guys he's wearing an alien hat great but that's not the hat he was wearing in the beginning so that's kind of weird so ghosts have a fashion sense they can just change their clothes all right so then there's a scene where they're both in the garage she's acting strangely relaxed for someone who just got attacked by a ghost multiple times you wanna see how she died yeah [ __ ] yeah she's trying to kill me every time i come here but you keep coming back well no one believes me so might as well try to prove her existence so this guy tells her that he goes to this house multiple times risking his life in order to try and improve the existence of an evil ghost nun sounds legit and then he pretty much explains that the plot of this movie that you're watching right now is unoriginal it's a textbook content really you know tortured soul can't rest in peace after an untimely death we've seen it a million times [Music] are the writers of this movie that self-aware or are they just stupid so the rest of the movie is rehashed psychological thriller stuff she starts seeing a bunch of stuff that isn't real but she's still dumb enough to believe everything that she sees but then there's a moment at the end where she escapes and guess what she didn't actually escape it was all in her mind obviously at the end the nun decides not to kill her for like the thousandth time it turns out the guy from the beginning of the movie made a deal with the nun when he was pulled underneath the bed uh i guess they were both underneath there whispering to each other like oh it's uh quite snug down here yes it is um i need your help okay what you what do you need um the next woman that comes and lives here i need you to help me let's keep her here i need her to stay in this house okay why let's not bother with why it's not really important am i not good enough or i'm a [ __ ] lesbo [Music] oh and at the very very end it turns out anna really liked this guy even though he tried to kill her and he's a complete stranger she just really likes him he's got a good personality you know what i mean for a ghost that's trying to kill you anyway so he calls her name from inside the house when she finally gets out and what does she do she just walks right back up to the house she doesn't even keep her distant she's like right up next to the door so he can just open the door and pull her in and get this as bad as this movie was i still cared about anna more than i cared about any character in the nun so it's kind of sad really [Music] the bad nun the movie starts out with this really annoying flickering effect with the text also this movie definitely has the worst title out of all the movies i'm talking about today the bad nun you could have called it a million things better than that the evil nun the disgruntled nun it's like a three-year-old chose the name of this movie and the saddest part is that it was originally called the watcher but they renamed it the bad nun in order to capitalize on the release of the nun but hey i found out about this movie so apparently it worked so the movie starts with this random girl texting this guy this very creepy and pushy guy you know he's like i wanna get laid now come to my house now and let's [ __ ] and she's like all right yeah i guess i can abandon my plate of diarrhea to hang out with this random boy why not hopefully i don't fart and fill the room with the smell of nasty ricotta cheese when he's banging me from behind but uh yeah let's let's go to his house anyway what comes up next is definitely one of the worst scenes in this movie you know how characters are generally pretty stupid in horror movies well this girl doesn't even have a brain like it's just empty in there there's nothing she's the dumbest person so she enters this random house without the guy answering the door or calling her or anything just texting her telling her to come in so she she goes in and she leaves the door open which is very weird so she sits down this random house and she's texting this guy still saying like hey where are you i'm here i'm just sitting downstairs so on you want to show yourself that'd be cool and she doesn't even try calling him for anybody else on earth like even a six-year-old there'd be a little person in your mind with a massive red flag just waving it back and forth hey this is probably not gonna work out so then the nun in this movie closes the door and she hears it so she finally becomes suspicious like oh my one brain cell activated it's telling me that someone's in here they're probably not going to be nice to me so she closes herself off into a room and calls the police they ask her for the address but she just doesn't give it to them like okay you can at least be a little bit helpful you don't know the address how'd you get there blind luck did he send you a list of turn right here turn left here turn right turn left so then the nun just walks up nonchalantly and stabs her she pretty much just lets it happen but that wasn't enough so the nun starts to drown her in a bathtub and she kind of just sits there and lets herself drown you have limbs you know like move them around you just wiggle them right if you're about to die just wiggle your limbs as hard as you can um maybe piss and [ __ ] yourself that's kind of gross maybe that'll make them go away who knows so the rest of this movie follows this girl named aisha her mom is mad at her that she won't stop partying and she doesn't take her studies very seriously so what does she do she makes her go to this bed and breakfast that's 40 minutes away and stay there for the weekend without anything to do without anyone to see just tells her to go there and rot pretty much that'll show her and surprisingly aisha is okay with this she doesn't seem all that bothered by it she's like okay well see you later mom enjoy yourself relax and text me when you get there it's snowing as well so you can send me a selfie i won't let you down look his name's dan he's picking you up from the station this girl is inhumanly lenient with her mom if my mom told me that i was going to be in a car with this random guy for 40 minutes driving to a bed and breakfast that i've never been to and staying there for two full days with nothing to do i would probably run away and not only that she's going to be alone with this random old guy that she's never met for two full days i was very much expecting some weird rapey scenes in this movie because of this thank god there weren't any so they finally get there the guy shows her around and she goes for a run because what the hell else is she going to do she's in the middle of the forest and she accepts a call from her friend and basically her friend's like hey i'm going to drive two hours to see you and hang out this random bed and breakfast with you because i have literally no other friends and i have nothing else better to do so why not aisha's bored out of her skull so she goes to this random church she starts praying and then the bad nun shows up behind her hmm i wonder who has that exact head shape that we've seen before you don't gotta be sherlock holmes to figure this one out guys so then aisha exits the church and there's this weak jump scare guess who it is didn't mean to skate i see you found the church oh it's the guy man i wonder who the nun is or the only other person that was around the guy it's not much of a twist if you ask me they're pretty much shoving it in your face then there's this scene of aisha and this guy walking in on this random french lady taking a [ __ ] if they took her character out it would pretty much be the exact same movie yeah he attacks the french lady she screams and bangs on the house but aisha's like deaf or something so she didn't notice but if he killed her because she knew about aisha aisha's mom knows who this guy is and where she's staying so if she ends up dead who's the only possible person that she could blame this guy is kind of stupid he's pretty much the worst killer imaginable during this movie aisha is able to call people and text people but then her phone just randomly doesn't work whenever you know the movie doesn't want her phone to work [Music] please like she wants to call the police but oh my my phone doesn't work right now so so i can't call the police even though i called my best friend in the middle of the woods and it worked totally fine aisha's outside because she heard a sound out there conveniently her friend shows up at the house while ayesha's outside her friend doesn't even try to call her when she gets there so her friend's just like walking around the house and then she gets attacked by the nun so then the nun does something very strange she puts aisha's friend in a bedroom and then leaves the house waits for aisha to go back into the house and then knocks on the door and tries to convince aisha to let her in instead of just staying in the house and attacking aisha when she comes in and the only reason that they do this is to confuse the audience and then he tells her that he has cookies i have cookies you know what you changed my mind i have cookies let me in because i have cookies like what is she three years old oh look a nice tasty treat let me just open the door and if he's the only person there why would he make it so hard on himself to kill this girl like what are you getting out of this what why why are you doing this it makes no sense hilariously this guy reveals himself to her later on like hey look i'm the creepy nun the guy that you knew all along it's me i'm the nun what was the point in trying to hide your identity this whole time and trying to confuse her what what are you doing dude i mean clearly they try to portray him as a lunatic because you know in this scene he's you know something's not working up there this whole nun thing is like his kink right he likes to pretend he's a nun and scare people but scaring people isn't enough he's got to kill him too it's like he's like he wants to scare people but also kill him he's like oh ye and it's kind of weird because he hid his identity for the first girl this is the world's worst killer hilariously the nun kills her friend in the most pain-in-the-ass way possible by hanging her this old guy is pretty strong he's lifting her body weight effortlessly with just a tiny rope there's a billion more convenient ways to kill someone oh my god at the end of the movie aisha gets out of the house successfully so where does she go where did she go from here the church like a dumbass where was the only other place where you saw a nun hmm oh no no i was just inside there's someone there none a nun that's interesting so let's just stop there for a second and there's this movie playing there and she just sits there and watches it you know not thinking at all that maybe this guy is after her no let's just sit here and where's the popcorn out i want to watch this movie this plane it's a recording of the guy killing his nun mother who abused him the scene in the church is awful she gets stabbed she's just laying there but somehow she's able to get the strength to push herself up get out of his grasp close a door in front of him lock it and run all without him interfering at all like he wasn't able to stop that when she was injured and they use slow motion during the scene it's just it's kind of hard to watch honestly and there's multiple exits to this church but instead of leaving the church through these other exits he decides to sit there and cry and where does she go after escaping him a second time back to the house i know this place is kind of in the middle of nowhere but no aisha's gonna run back to the place that she escaped initially you know the one place that is pretty much guaranteed for this creepy nun guy to show up again oh but then her phone miraculously works and she calls the police and then it ends oh my god just kill me i don't want to watch anymore i i can't ah the last movie we're going to be talking about is just called none very simple title you thought the other movies were bad just wait this one makes those look immaculate this movie is god awful everything about this movie is bad the sound the cinematography the acting the pacing but by far the worst thing about this movie is the plot so this random nun is seeing a psychiatrist because her ex-boyfriend is dead so this psychiatrist that she's seeing is in cahoots with one of this nun's friends and together they have a plan to frame the nun so they stole 175 000 that was a donation to this church that the nun is teaching at it was sitting in a satchel and then the nun found the satchel but it was empty and it was sitting on her dining room table or something so she tells this to the psychiatrist like i don't know what to do the satchel was empty i didn't take the money what do i do i don't know how i ended up with it so then the nun goes to her friend's place and the friend tells her to go fetch her something at a storage locker for her so the nun goes to the storage locker and she gets locked in there then like the next 45 minutes is basically her just stumbling around this storage facility trying to find a way out and screaming at the cameras and stuff it's really boring like nothing happens she eventually comes across these two prisoners to make the movie more spooky or something but they never explain the prisoners like they're just random people that are just kept there like they're just random captives like oh this storage locker is an evil place just in case you didn't know here's here's some random captives when we finally get the reveal that's her psychiatrist behind all this he's not even wearing a mask he's trying to convince her that she's insane and that she should just admit to stealing all this money so he can record it and get it as evidence against her so he can frame her what the patient has requested the taping of this conversation to serve as a legal and binding confession but she won't confess so he gets this grand idea to kill her friend with a screwdriver that has her fingerprints on it so you know just frame it for murder instead i don't get why he's going through all this trouble like was the empty satchel sitting at her place not enough evidence to incriminate her because at that point it's just her word against everyone else's like oh i didn't steal any money but hey why not send her to a storage locker and let her wander around for like a full day her friend during this scene is wearing a really bad wig it's one of those really cheap ones you know the hair is really poofy she's trying to wear a hat on top of it but it sits like a foot above her head because the hairs of the wig are so cheap that it just like pushes the hat up go ahead and do it you've destroyed live before haven't you you would kill me for that amount of money maybe i'm still with you god damn the acting is so so bad and the weirdest thing about this movie is that she doesn't even need to be a nun they made her a nun in this movie only because there is a popular movie coming out that they could piggyback off of so when people search the none this shitty movie pops up too her being a nun does nothing for this movie it doesn't help the plot doesn't help the character development there's no reason for her to be a nun there's hardly any religious backing in the plot whatsoever except for this random scene at the end that's just like ham fisted in there the end of this movie is a complete train wreck so what happens is she finds a way out of the storage facility she runs into this guy's truck she finds that there's ammonium nitrate on the passenger seat she takes some handfuls and shoves them into the gas tank talk about a very convenient plot device right there so she runs away on foot the guy's following her in his truck the truck blows up but then randomly the screen goes black and we're presented with the scene of the psychiatrist as a priest and her friend as another nun and i'm not sure what they're doing here they're speaking latin really poor latin by the way you can tell that this is like the second time that they're saying these words dominate and during this scene there's like some of the worst shaky cam i've ever seen like instead of being deliberate with it it almost looks like the cameraman's arm hurt or something while filming and just couldn't keep his arm steady he's like oh god i just gotta get this in famous and then in the next scene she wakes up in the storage facility so like the last half an hour of this movie just didn't happen it was all in her head oh my god it was one of those oh it was all a dream plot devices which is basically the worst plot device in existence because when you do that you make so much of the movie irrelevant the only reason you should do that is if it's such a powerful moment that it makes up for all the lost time but here it's kind of just an insult to the viewers like oh you're already watching this shitty movie but what we're gonna do to shove it in your face is make it so the last like 30 minutes that you saw didn't mean anything [Music] all right guys i hope you liked this video happy halloween by the way uh if you like spooky shirts like this you can get them at alienclothing.com there's a bunch of spooky shorts that you can buy over there spooky shirts unfortunately we don't have any nun shirts but hey maybe someday thank you to all these people that have pledged me on patreon it means a lot if you'd like to join this group and see your names scrolling up just go to my patreon it's just three dollars a month and then you'll see your name at the end of all my videos isn't that neat isn't that pretty cool my voice is hurting from ranting for so long and i'm just so sick of talking about nuns i hope i never see another evil nun movie in my entire life thank you so much for watching and i'll see you in the next one bye [Music] you

Channel: Elvis The Alien

Views: 4,280,371

Keywords: The Nun, Nun, The Nun Is Terrible, nun conjuring movie, The nun movie, the nun review, nun review, Elvis the Alien, ElvistheAlien

Id: oqvY7jqUcjE

Length: 25min 44sec (1544 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 31 2018