The New Covenant Husband-Wife Relationship -- Zac Poonen -- October 11, 2020

[Music] we emphasize the new covenant as superior to the old covenant and there are many areas where the superiority is found as we have seen in the old covenant it was only forgiveness of sins in the new covenant it is forgiveness of sins plus overcoming and overcoming sin in the old covenant it was an individual walk with god in the new covenant is a fellowship where together we walk with god and we are in fellowship with one another so we become one body all this was not possible in the old covenant and there are many things like like that but one other area is family life in the old covenant it was not at all important how your relationship with your wife was and we see many examples of that the very first book written in the bible was the book of job job lived around the time of abraham long before moses and moses wrote genesis the first five books of the bible are written by moses so if job lived before abraham it must have been the first book of the bible written nobody could have written all those detailed conversations in the book of job if it was written 100 years later or 500 years later because moses lived about 500 years after abraham and joe so in the very first book of the bible the most godly man on earth god himself gives a testimony of the to the devil have you seen a man like job but his relationship with his wife was his wife was not at all spiritual in the beginning anyway in fact his wife at one time when she saw all the suffering job went through told job to commit suicide imagine a wife who tells her husband to commit suicide god's let you down she says i mean if i were to paraphrase the words you lost your children you lost your property you lost everything why you want to serve such a god curse god and die how can job die only by committing suicide so the very first example of a godly married man in the bible whom god himself praised he didn't have a good family life now i'm not saying that one must have a godly woman somebody's unfortunately some godly men do not have godly wives john wesley one of the godliest men that christian christianity has ever seen he had a very ungodly wife who troubled him all the time and liked job's wife and job's wife at least repented i believe later on because she had 10 sons and saw how god did things in the end but john wesley's wife just left him finally so i'm not saying that if you are a godly man you will have a godly wife that's not my my point but if you're a godly young man not yet married then you should seek god earnestly that you marry a godly woman because you must have a godly home and it's very difficult to have a godly home if one partner is not godly and when you read about other people like the people listed in hebrews 11 abel i don't know anything about his wife and enoch i don't know what his wife was like different people mentioned there some wives we know it says sarah was a godly woman abraham's wife but some of the others i don't know the man was a godly man but otherwise for example moses the only place where we read about moses and his wife is when they are having a fight with each other in exodus chapter 4 over the issue of the circumcision of the child and finally she did the circumcision and flung it at moses and said you're a husband of blood to me not a very good relationship and so with many others in the old covenant their children were not brought up properly etc but when it comes to the new testament it's very different we are told husbands must live with their wives in an understanding way one peter and chapter three 1 peter 3 and verse 7. a husband must live with his wife in an understanding way as with someone weaker since she's a woman and show her as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers are not hindered so in the new covenant the way a husband lives with his wife is very important you never find such a command like this in the old covenant a husband must live with his wife as recognizing all his life recognizing one thing she is a weaker vessel she is weaker physically she is weaker emotionally intellectually she may be clever that makes no difference but she's weaker physically she's weaker emotionally and therefore because she's weaker i must always remember that every husband must always remember that throughout his life i'm married to a woman whom god has made the woman a weaker vessel weaker doesn't mean unspiritual physical weakness has got nothing to do with spirituality emotional weakness that means someone cries easily it's got nothing to do with spirituality the fact that man doesn't cry doesn't mean he's spiritual so but if a man doesn't recognize and make allowance for the fact like you know if you're traveling together in that two suitcases to be carried into the flight who will carry the heavier one the husband why because he's stronger same way spiritually we must be willing to take the greater burden spiritual burden and not allow the wife to take the greater burden she's a weaker vessel in every area i must recognize that if you want to be a godly husband and i must show her honor a husband must show honor to his wife as an equal heir that means they've got two air means thrones their thrones are on the same level her throne is not lower her throne is on the same level fellow air means both your thrones on the same level of the grace of life she gets the same grace as you do from god and if you don't follow these instructions whatever husband you are god will not listen to your prayer is it possible that many husbands their prayers god never listens to because they don't follow these instructions in relation to their wife they may have so much bible knowledge they may even be preaching in churches but they don't give honor it says you got to give honor to your wife as a fellow heir there was no such requirement in the old covenant in the old covenant they in a sense the jews despised women so much that their names were not even mentioned when you make a genealogy of ancestral list of your ancestry the jews only put men's names you know that i'll show you an example of that there are two genealogies of jesus in the gospels one is in matthew which is the genealogy of joseph all the way up to abraham and in luke you have the genealogy of mary the wife of joseph mary's father and father and i were all the way up to adam but the interesting thing in uh in matthew's gospel the genealogy finally ends with joseph so his name is there but in luke's gospel it's mary's name is not even mentioned it's an amazing thing in luke's gospel it just says jesus as was supposed to be the son of joseph who was and the word there should be the son-in-law of eli because the his father is mentioned in matthew chapter one it's a very interesting thing that in the genealogy of mary her name is not even mentioned so i'm just trying to show you how women were despised in the old testament but they're given a place of honor in the new testament so i find that many new testament husbands behave like old testament husbands now the wives also it says in the same chapter 1 peter 3 in the new covenant a wife must be submissive 1 peter three one to her husband even if she finds that he's disobeying the word of god maybe your husband is not so spiritual disobedient to god's word you got to behave in such a way that you draw him closer to god without your speaking one word it's amazing they they may be one you can win them to come closer to god without speaking a word we've always thought that it's by words that we shall bring people closer to the lord and to christ but here it says without a word you can win them by your behavior like i said earlier life that was followed by the word and sometimes even when the word is not there the life itself can draw people to christ when they observe as your husband observes your pure respectful behavior respectful in ephesians chapter 5 it says the new testament standard for a christian family relationship is ephesians 5 you know wives be subject to your husbands verse 22 as to the lord and the husband must love his wife verse 25 like christ loves the church but i want you to see a little word in the last verse of that chapter ephesians 5 33 there are two words one is love and one is respect very important words a husband must love his wife because the most important thing a wife requires is love and every wife will say that and the wife he doesn't say the wife must love her husband as understood but the wife must see that she respects her husband because the most important thing a husband expects from his wife is respect as the head of the house so as a husband must concentrate on seeking to love his wife not just with words in a psychologist would say every now and then tell your wife i love you and even from your office call her up and tell her i love you those are all insecure people who always need to be assured it's not love is not in words it's in actions it's in the way you how did jesus show his love how did god show his love for us jesus didn't show his love for us by going around everywhere saying you fellows i love you so much i love you so much that's not how he showed his love he showed his love by actions by denying himself first of all by denying himself and coming to this world doing dirty jobs doing what was necessary to make us better patient when he was insulted but maybe her husband should be like that that's the mark of love love is patient supposing your wife is very slow at doing certain things okay it says in 1 corinthians 13 a good chapter to read to understand love the first thing it says about love love one 1 corinthians 13 verse 4 the very first thing the holy spirit says you're not speaking kind words that's all psychology love is patient patient means you bear with the weaknesses and slowness of your wife or maybe the way she does things which bother you because that's not the way you were brought up or that you're not accustomed to that patience see if a person is exactly like you doing everything the way you want it there's no need for patience you can be the most impatient man in the world and you'll be very patient with because the other person is doing exactly the way you want everything to be done and speaking exactly the way you wanted to speak but patience is required when the other person is not the way you want it to be done and you know many things that we are upset about in our home life are so trivial unimportant so what if it is done another way that's not the most important thing in life to have peace in the home is a million times more important than that thing must be done in the way i feel it should be done rubbish a lot of husbands might lose peace about something like that love is patient and that works both ways you know husband and wife must love each other and patience is the first thing and patience is when is tested whenever you see your partner doing things in a different way than you want it done it's not sinful i'm not talking about sinful things in which case we must say sorry that's sinful somebody asks you to tell a lie no i can't do that i'm not talking about sinful things but the way we do things the way you run the home the way you keep things the way you keep your clothes how tidy you are unimportant it's good if you're tidy i'm not saying it's bad but people are different for some people tidiness is even more important than honesty i say honesty is far more important than being tidy so you know there was a saying in the world cleanliness is next to godliness well even if you remember that remember godliness is first cleanliness is not superior to godliness godliness is person and godliness is patience love is patient and then love is kind that even if you have to say something to each other about say you say darling i don't think that's the best way to do it it must be said in a kind way not in a rude way like why in the world do you do it like that i you know many arguments between husband and wife always begin with you always you always it's not always maybe sometimes but it's exaggerated to you always say this or you always do this that means that it's fixed in our mind love is patient and i'll tell you we're not going to get there overnight i'm not speaking as an expert i i when i got married i was a very selfish impatient man i hope i become a little more unselfish and a little more patient today i'm not perfect far from it i'm pressing on to perfection that i can say before god i can say that i'm trying my best by the power of the holy spirit to person to perfection and my wife has to press on to perfection also with an imperfect man like me it's two imperfect people whom god joins together in marriage don't forget that god marries two imperfect people to each other and encourages them to help each other press on to perfection that is true christian marriage love is patient love is kind and you would wonder in a husband and wife relationship is there a place for jealousy whereas for love is not jealous is that a place for jealousy in your marriage perhaps you feel your wife knows more than you about something or your husband is more accepted by others than you so many things or knows more than you usually if a husband knows more the wife accepts it but if the wife knows more that can be a problem for some husbands or some wise may want prominence it could be various reasons why there's jealousy it's interesting that the holy spirit has put that word there there's true love is never jealous and i'll give you proof of that if you have never been to college not graduated and your son or daughter goes to college and graduates with high marks will you be jealous i'd like to know if somebody else's child beat your child got the first rank then there may be a little possibility of jealousy but if it was your own son or daughter and you're not a graduate you're never jealous that your child has gone ahead of you academically why there's only one reason only one love is not jealous you love your child you know your child can accomplish something fantastic which you never accomplished in your life you're not jealous you're excited you will boast about it to other people that is love if you can't do that in relationship with each other that you you ask yourself can you love your partner like you love your children i think most of us love our children we deny ourselves many things for our children the bible says you must love your husband and wife first it's one of the things i have to constantly teach in india because most parents in india they love their children more than they love each other that's probably true in western countries too and the proof of that is once all the children are married and gone and left the home these old husband and wife are bored with each other they don't know what to do and they always go and want to dump themselves in their children's homes and stay there because they are don't have anything to do with each other it's just they hold their children their whole life was centered around their children so they go and dump themselves on one child and then another child and permanently that's it they don't have a home of their own anymore i'm not talking about just visiting them which is a good thing but i'm talking about where that is your life because they love their children more than they love each other that should never be true in a christian marriage in a christian marriage you must love your husband and wife your partner more than you love your children from day one till the day you leave this earth whether your children are married or unmarried that you will not and that love means there's no jealousy there's no it says your love doesn't brag doesn't boast doesn't even inwardly see bragging i don't think we are so crude as to brag outwardly saying see i can do this better than you and those are five-year-old children talk like that we don't speak like that but this bragging can be an inward thing which i may never say it but it is an inward feeling ah i can do that better i am more spiritual than my wife or i'm my spiritual in my husband i can do that better it's an inward bragging it'll destroy you i'll tell you that it'll destroy you pride is not this doesn't destroy you when it is outwardly manifest if it's there inwardly you're proud about something where you brag over something inwardly where you think i'm better than this guy i'm better than my wife or husband it will destroy you everything that the bible says is for our own good love is not arrogant and arrogance is very often seen in the way we speak i'm talking simple thing like a husband and wife loving each other that's all and it's just describing love here like that love is not arrogant there's no arrogance in the way you many husbands are arrogant in the way they speak to their wives sometimes look down upon them in india it's terrible in a heathen culture in a heathen culture the husband is like a king and the wife is like a slave yes in many many i've seen that in many village homes in india and that's unfortunate we have one of the things we have to keep teaching to correct them to bring them to christian values but even in countries that have had christianity for a long time there can be mistakes in this area where we inwardly brag and are arrogant in our attitudes it says in verse 5 love does not act in an unbecoming manner in other words not an improper manner there must be always a respectful way in which we behave with one another and this is a great verse love does not seek its own i believe it's one of the primary marks of love like love is patient you do not seek your own you don't think you always don't think always of how will that how will that suit my convenience think also in terms of how will it suit the other person's convenience you're a very blessed husband if you have one who's always thinking of your convenience you're like well if your wife is like that i think many wives are like that many christian wives i think there's the husbands who are more at fault here that we don't think more about our wife's convenience as much as our wives think of our convenience let's not seek its own it's a challenging word that we can work on our salvation to improve our marriage i will not seek my own i will not be impatient i will not speak in a rude way i will not be arrogant and it says your love is not provoked that means you know we live in a fallen world none of us are perfect none of us are perfect i want to tell you till the day you die the most spiritual man on earth is not perfect the apostle paul who was probably way ahead of any of us spiritually somewhere towards the end of his life when he was taken to a court and he said something like i have lived with a perfectly good conscience before god and before man it was a true testimony the high priest who was the judge told the man sitting next to him slap him on his face and the guy slapped paul on his face and paul turned to that judge and said god will smite you you whitewashed wall this is the great apostle paul who taught about holiness and victory over sin slipped up he was about 60 years old and it's not at the beginning of his christian life but the wonderful thing when he realized who he was speaking to i don't know why you know there are many people who say that paul's eyesight was faulty he had limited he had a problem with his eyes because in galatians chapter four he tells the galatians i know you would have plucked out your eyes and given them to me whom would you plug out your eyes and give it to to somebody whose eyes are weak so it's probably because paul's eyesight was weak he didn't know who he was talking to and he said it anyway i want to make allowance for that but still even if it is a child you don't speak like that to a child whitewashed wall and things like that so he slipped up but the wonderful thing about it is as soon as he realized he apologized the mark of a great man is not that he never makes a mistake but that when he makes a mistake he quickly apologizes i'm sorry very important i am sorry three very important words that all husbands and wives must learn to say to each other we probably need it till the end of our lives we may not deliberately hurt our partners but unconsciously we may do it all the time because we're imperfect it's like accidentally stepping on somebody's foot you know we travel in the crowded buses in india sometimes and it's very easy to accidentally stamp on the foot of somebody standing behind you what do you do i've done that sometimes accidentally stamped on somebody's foot i don't turn around and say hey i didn't do that deliberately i say i'm sorry sir i'm not trying to explain to him the difference between conscious sin and unconscious and that's not the place to explain theology to the man whose foot i stand i just say i'm sorry that's all that's all that's required even in when we accidentally or unconsciously say things or do things in a home it's amazing what can be accomplished by the words i'm sorry i used to drive a scooter in india for 42 years i rode a scooter because gas was too expensive to drive a car and i've known in you know when you drive on a scooter they're not no particular we're not under law in the roads in india there's a sort of false grace in the roads in india where people do what they like and people will cut across you without showing any signal no hand signal no and it's easy to understand to collide with people and i have collided with people sometimes and some people have collided with me when they've turned in front of me and i've hit them and it was very obviously their fault but the rule in the in accidents in india is whoever shouts loudest is right so if as soon as the accident is this one person will start shouting loud and and you get into an argument now i know that law which happens in india so i've learned that that's not what i should do as a christian so what i do is as soon as i this thing happens i know it's his fault and i know he's going to now shout because he knows it's his fault i see i'm sorry sir ah his whole attitude changes he says oh it's perfectly all right even though he was the one who turned into my part and there's no there's peace i mean so what if there's a little dent on my scooter i can get that fixed but there's peace pursue peace with all men follow that rule at home in your mutual relationships don't be quick to find fault don't take into account verse 5 a wrong suffered don't keep accounts of that don't keep an account like somebody said love is a very poor mathematician cannot keep accounts you know poor mathematician cannot keep accounts love does not keep an account of all the wrongs suffered there's no memory ah i remember on the 6th of august 1999 you did this memory of all the wrongs suffered in the past those are good mathematicians they can keep account love does not keep an account ask yourself i want to ask you dear brother sister we want new covenant marriages ask yourself one question do you have a mental record even if you don't write it down of the things that your partner did from the time of your marriage we cannot do anything about our memory it is there in our memory the evil that other people did to me is in my memory forever but i have forgiven them i live in my will i don't live in my memory when memory brings up something to my mind i say forget it i'm not going to listen to it you cannot avoid memory bringing up things to your mind you cannot ever avoid the devil reminding you of things that happen in the past reject it don't condemn yourself because it came to your mind you have no control over your memory god does not remove our memory when we are born again even the filthy things you committed in sin when you're on converted days and which you did after you were converted don't you remember them sure i can remember the things i did 65 70 years ago before i was converted but they're all cleansed in the blood of christ i don't have to bring them to mind and if i can do that with my own sins that when the devil reminds me of them you did this and i know i did this i i do what that great saint once said i think it i know it was sure it was martin luther or somebody he was once sitting somewhere and the devil kept reminding him one sin after the other that he had committed in his life and he kept listening and he said finally that's not all satan there are a lot more make the list complete and when you made the list complete right across it the blood of jesus christ has cleansed this man from all sin that's glorious isn't that a good way to wipe out our past record when you're reminded of all the rotten things you did in your past life to tell tell the devil you can make the list as long as you like even the things that you don't know you don't know what went on in my thoughts this is the devil doesn't know our thoughts so a lot of other things satan which are in my thoughts which you don't know make the list complete the blood of jesus has cleansed me you cannot condemn me we we love that that our past record is blotted out even up to yesterday even if you slipped up this morning and you confessed it the blood has cleansed you why not treat our marriage partners like that your wife your husband that the record the past record is blotted out never to be brought up at all the lord says i will not remember hebrews 8 12 your sins and your iniquities what a wonderful attitude that's god's nature and isn't i aren't we so glad that god does not remember that when i get to heaven there'll be absolutely no memory of anything that we did in our past life so one of the wonderful things treat others the way god treated you treat your wife your husband the way god treated you not only forgive be quick to forgive one of the one sentence advice that i give to married couples one sentence advice many married couples when i tell them i give them this one sentence advice be quick to ask forgiveness and be quick to forgive i say that will take you through all your life and you'll need it all your life but in addition to that i would say don't keep a record love keeps no record of wrong suffered it doesn't keep such a record so when we say so easily we love each other it's not really love if you keep a record that even if something comes up in your memory you should reject it and never let it come out of your mouth when it comes out of your mouth means it has gone to your heart if it remains in your memory it's okay you have no control over your memory god doesn't cleanse our memory it remains but when it comes to your mouth it has gone to your heart from the heart it has come out through your mouth you remind your marriage partner about something that happened where he or she was hurt it's true what is said is true but you have repented of it and your partner probably knows that you've repented of it but why do you remind your partner about just to make the person feel a little hurt it's not our calling if your partner is physically injured you would try and do something to heal it you don't deliberately hurt your partner in their body you wouldn't take a knife and slash your partner's hand well don't slash his heart or his mind words can be sharper than a knife i'll tell you and a knife wound takes time to heal words that go into the heart can take longer to heal so be careful with this knife called words sharp words so in christian marriage now if we slip up we ask god to forgive us we ask our partner to forgive us and press on and if we continue doing this i believe our marriages can improve and improve and improve and improve to the point where our children as they grow up become teenagers and they see our lives and they get married and go they will say to you dad mom i want a married life like yours was oh can you imagine a greater testimony than that that your children tell you that and when they tell you that you know all the blunders and stupid things you did in your marriage but thankfully you repented of them and you turned your life around and your children saw the best part of their marriage and you know when they came to their teenage years because you had worked on your salvation for 20 years and thankfully they don't remember those early years because they were too young it's a wonderful thing dear brothers and sisters let's pursue a christ-like marriage there's a lot more that god wants us to have and the holy spirit will show us the rest let's pray [Music] heavenly father please help us we don't speak as experts we speak as fellow strugglers pursuing after perfection wanting to please you in the way we live at home to be disciples at home help us each one to have godly marriages that we can be examples to others and to our children especially we pray in jesus name amen you

Channel: River of Life Christian Fellowship

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Keywords: rlcf, river, life, christian, fellowship, church, god, jesus, bible, scripture, new, covenant, husband, wife, relationship, marriage, sermon, zac, poonen

Id: O0rwlah6NcE

Length: 39min 30sec (2370 seconds)

Published: Sun Oct 11 2020