The KEY SIGNS You're Going To Become SUCCESSFUL & WEALTHY | Patrick Bet-David & Lewis Howes

i mean you have to be patiently aggressive because you want your money to double now exactly it might take 10 years yeah but if you are willing to do the 10 years it may double 40 times i think you gotta have a dream the school of greatness really yeah please welcome we have my man patrick bet david in the house good to see you brother good to see you excited to see someone in person and um we met i don't know probably three years ago three years ago years ago yeah where you interviewed me for your show and i remember seeing your content blowing up before that and it's blowing up even more and i think you do an amazing job of expressing your opinion through your experience and really evaluating the whole landscape of a topic and then giving a great you know experience or answer on your stuff so i love your content and you've got a new book called your next five moves master the art of business strategy so we're gonna be talking about business we'll be talking about money we're talking about these things i'm curious do we need to know the next five moves or do we need to know the first move yeah very good questions so the whole premise behind this because this came about was uh you know how everybody talks about what is the key to success you know the key to success is marry the right person save money work hard go to school get a degree love people faith god uh you hear so many different things and we were having this debate one time and i would ask everybody it's just the basic question everybody what's the key to success what is it i'm like you know what years later i said i in my mind the biggest key to success almost anybody i see that takes it to a whole different level the highest levels the difference between them and other people is their sequencing and what i mean by sequencing is the following so you and i may have the same vision of what we want to do in life okay you want to get here i want to get here this could be anything we both want to build a billion dollar company fine we both want to be building a company that does 100 million a year we both want to go into a football we both want to go play at the highest level we both want to go out and be great sales whatever it may be that's the ultimate right if my order of steps i take to go here isn't as efficient as yours because your sequencing is better you're going to get there faster than i am and i may not even never even get there because i'm trying to do move 14 on move three and that's the most common thing that you see one day i woke up i was in a relationship and this is i'm 26 years old 27 years old 26 25 years old and i'm trying to get my business going i wake up six o'clock in the morning i get a text babe i have to tell you this as much as i love you i don't see this relationship going anywhere one of those texts because i think my mom is right you love your business more than you love me and i barely see you i only see you once a week you're working so hard first text then message i pressed the message to listen to it my mom you know what there used to be a time they used to love me and you would call me and tell me you love me what happened to those what happened to my little son that used to love his mother every day so so now i got a breakup on the line i got a guilt trip for my mom that's still 602 right now then i get in everybody got out of bed i haven't even gotten out of vegas then i get an email that's been in the uh a box for a while and i look at it it's from my number one client that i was about to expect like a 15 000 commission and that's a lot of money at that time and my number one client says he's leaving me for the following reasons and then at the same time the next email is my agent saying i resign my number one agent resigns this all happens before 605 610 so i'm in bed anxiety is high panic is high i have no idea what to do in that moment all i thought about is what are my next five moves what do i need to do next from that moment on everything i did with business i would ask myself i want to do this next my next 10 15 moves what would this guy do this guy that build an empire what would he do what are we going to do here what can i do to be better than this guy what can i do to be more efficient and what can i do to speed up the process to get here but everything came down to your next five moves so you're asking the question is the first move the most important absolutely it is if you don't know your next move your next move can hurt the chances of you even getting to the fifth move yeah so it's always your next matters the most what is the next move that everyone should be thinking about so the first thing you have to do is you you gotta last night i'm at rafi's place and i'm having dinner with my three buddies none of us are supposed to do anything alive one of them is stephen awful they're running a 300 billion dollar your business steve was the michael jordan of our high school okay he's a great basketball player but we're all 2.0 gpa kids right and armond made a great salesman yes 2.0 guys yes and armond was always a fighter he would always get in trouble like he was the guy that he's the five six guy you don't want to fight like you'd go to a party you know the smallest guy go to a party and this five six guy would go to a party and he would stand there and he would say that guy's looking at me i'm like bro he's not looking at you no i know he's looking at me he's looking i'm like i promise you he's not looking he's the kind of guy that would walk up and just punch the guy in the face just for no reason just for no reason what is the matter with you right that's his wiring yeah but we're all together yesterday now we all have kids we have two three and our one has four kids we're sending we're talking armand runs rafi's place if you've been to rafi's place the restaurant in glendale if you've not been you gotta go it's the best middle eastern restaurant we're just we're sitting there yesterday and we're having all these conversations challenges men go through whether it's marriage money health what happens at 41. oh everything that you don't want to talk publicly that men are insecure about we just talk about it right there right collectively and the biggest thing that i talked about with one of my friends yesterday is listen your number one move is you identifying who you want to be not not who tiffany wants to be not who it's who do you want to be not not what patrick wants to be not what bob you want not what your older brother sister mom that who do you want to be if you and i can figure out who we want to be and it's as transparent and as clear as possible i don't have to compare myself against your success now here's a problem though say for instance i sit there and i say honestly i just want to be a person that's just a regular person and i'm glad if i make 80 grand a year 100 grand a year i have a nice place i'm married i'm happy my kids are with me i have good relationships i'm totally happy if you say that if that's what you want to be if you say that's what you want to be if you say i want something else and you're not doing it then what exactly but watch this one if you say that's what you want to be and you're content with that life but behind closed doors your buddy lewis house is making millions he's doing great he's all over the place people are talking about it if an ounce of envy or jealousy comes in you either weren't being honest with yourself because that's not exactly who you wanted to be or you got to ask the decision am i living my life or his life that's toughest thing to do right toughest thing to know now the other side of it is that let's just say you got a big upside you know in sports a lot of times you know steven a smith did an interview the other day and they asked them about vince carter and it was the toughest question what that was asked they said so vince carter he just announced 23 years of retirement he's leaving the nba stephen a what can you say about vince carter's legacy okay now i don't know if you guys know vince carter's this guy dumped over the seven footer in the olympics the guy retired afterwards with the elbow sick what he was doing in toronto mcgrady it's just beautiful when you watch this guy play i remember one time he dropped 50 in the playoffs you thought this guy's going to win the championships and he came from tar heels north carolina he's going to be the next mike but here's what stephen hay said about vince carter very difficult he said he's you know how stephen he does his thing he's kind of like you know and you know he typically is quick to give the answer one second goes by two seconds goes by five second goes by he still hasn't said a word then all of a sudden he says well i gotta tell you this is a good brother i love this man he's a great man you know he goes into building them up and then he says but it is the most unfulfilled talent we've ever seen in the history of the nba really he says this man should have been competing with the kobes of the world the lebrons of the world the jordans of the world but we never saw it i wish i would have seen the best of him and you it's like a minute and 13 seconds it's so awkward if vince carter watches that and it doesn't bother him more more power to you because you were happy to be in the nba and you were cool with that but if you watch that and it bothers you you know deep down and said he could have done more so you as the individual have to make a decision either i'm going for all the i want all the marbles and i'm willing to go be embarrassed lose public humiliation after another one after until i get there or i'm gonna live a simple life and i'm okay with this but you have to be clear about that that's step number one wow hey it's louis here and i would love to connect directly with you text me the word youtube to my number 614-350-3960 to receive weekly inspirational messages from me okay what's step two once you once you're identifying that part then it's figuring out your own talents that you have and once i know my talents where can my talents be used you know if you're a numbers guy what industry can use your talents well maybe it's finance economy investment banker you know maybe it's on that side if it's a creative side maybe i'm going to go be on the marketing side maybe i want to be behind the scenes i don't want to be in front of camera i want to be the support person then you say well i'm not a good number one guy i'm a good number two person i'm a number three person then you have to find out you're positioning at the po at the point of your life tom was the former president of our company php uh one of the best decisions was hiring this guy when i hired tom and brought him on board he introduced me to vistage years ago this is just kind of like a ypo eo you're familiar with ypo so vistage is an element of that it's very similar but it's a little bit older crowd ypo is a little bit younger vista just 50 60 year olds right and i want to be around 60 year olds so introduce me to vistage and over the years we became very good friends before i hired them and i said so tom let me ask you a question in your life you you guys sold jam dad for 780 million you got a massive exit but you were the number six guy how come you don't want to be the number one guy he says good question he gave me the best answer he says you realize i'm 54 years old at the time we were talking he says it took me 54 years to realize i'm not a good number one 54 years 54 years to realize i'm not a good number one what would have happened if you realize that yeah at 30. that's the point every one of his biggest checks he ever got he was the number five the number four or the number every time he was number one the company didn't do well so sometimes we want to be number one but maybe you're not a number one sometimes you want to be mj but maybe you're scotty sometimes you want to be mj and scotty but maybe you're john paxton and steve kerr maybe you're somebody that later on is going to be the general manager of the you know chicago bulls your name is john paxton maybe you're going to be a great coach years later winning three out of five championships your name is steve kerr but you got to play your game with your strength so one and a season of life exactly and in the season of life because you may be in number six right now but you may eventually be a good number one maybe it's just a different role in a different package and uh yes but it's the sequencing man everything is sequencing what does sequencing mean for you sequencing to me means okay you if you wake up every day you have a sequence of what you do okay like what's the first thing you do when you wake up mostly meditate okay what's the next thing you do make my bed and what's the next thing you do brush my teeth shower okay that's a sequence okay so that now what if i wake up and the first thing i do is i shower first okay then i go eat then i put my clothes on then i go to work and i say sometime throughout the day i'm going to meditate i just messed the whole sequence up what is the foundation of what i'm starting the day with right yeah what is the sequence of what i'm going to be doing next if every decision you're about to make next whether it's marriage having kids business partnership a joint venture if everything you did you stepped away from the world your girl your mom your dad your peers your family you went to a restaurant you sat there with a piece of paper saying okay i'm thinking about marriage what do i need to do next what's the next move i need to make then you go i don't know if that's number one i think that's number three and you play that game it's fascinating it's fascinating it's like playing chess it's like you know these master chess players they know their next 10 to 50 moves the amateurs were like uh here we go this is what i'm gonna do you know and these guys are like yeah yeah what are you doing yeah they see it in the future sequencing but it takes the steps to get to the future you can't just jump to the future i mean it's the story of bob iger it's the story of uh ted turner's the story of kirkakorian you know how kirk accordion went from being a regular guy in bakersfield who didn't graduate past eighth grade you know goes and pays a guy a dollar to let him fly a plane and eventually becomes a pilot for bugsy with the mob and eventually goes and becomes a pilot buys twa turns it into a big company sells it for a few hundred million dollars then decides to go to vegas then he decides to buy a couple hotels then he buys 80 acres of property across the street from tropicana then he buys mgm he's not the founder of mgm he turns it into what it is dies at 98 years old as a multi-billionaire gives a billion dollars to armenia after the earthquake of 1988 this is all sequencing man this is all sequencing when you go through it everything is sequencing yeah and when you look at it that way you tend to make better decisions what was the time in your life where you tried to sequence but it was the wrong sequencing and you got bad results and what has been the time where you had the best sequencing where you actually mapped it out in your mind this is the sequence you did it and you created those results yeah so there's two answers to that i'll give you i'll give you both of them one i tried to sequence to get married at 23 years old you tried it it would have been catastrophic now i love the girl great girl we have a friendship till today my wife sold her a policy wow i mean we met when we met me and my girl would double date with my wife and her boyfriend very weird story switched switching to switch they should have switched this one but we switched right five and a half years later she's single i'm single i'm like let's go on a date but at the time i was forcing marriage because you know you're looking at everybody somehow everybody's getting married and i think it's my time and family and i'm armenian i'm a syrian this may not one day i'm like dude you are not ready i asked the question i said would you let your daughter marry you i said hell no you asked the question to yourself i asked the question to myself would you let your daughter marry the 24 year old pat right now i said absolutely not i said you ain't ready to get married and we got the ring married the whole thing was lined up you got married you were getting ready we're getting ready to get married the whole she wasn't ready i wasn't ready it would have been catastrophic for both but that journey of going that direction that set me back three years completely set me back because i was dead set on wanting to live a life of other people i was dead set on making the decision that's going to please the people that want me to get married yet i don't even know what marriage means i don't even know the complexities of marriage i don't even know if i'm done being single i don't even know the fear about like if i get married so do i still that that's that's a lot of challenging stuff and it set me back like i said three years the other part is lewis that when you say when did you do it i've also done it where i've said here's what i'm gonna do that maybe was premature of a decision but then in that moment it's fight flight or freeze you rise the occasion you rise to the occasion yeah then like when i started a company i shouldn't you know at that time ready i was not ready there's no way i was ready i had a half a million dollars on a bank i'd been around for seven and a half years i don't know what it is to get insurance contracts i don't know what it is to get eno i don't know what kind of things insurance companies want i don't know what i'm gonna face we started it and i went in without knowing anything no website no product no nothing wasn't the smartest decision one night i come home my wife has the miscarriage it's 1 30 in the morning my bank accounts at 13 000 i have no idea what to do when i say you have no idea i have no idea what to do i came back i said listen you put yourself in this position now it's too late yeah so some people may be watching they're saying well i have to have a fresh start with my marriage or my business or this and this and that and let me just close shop well no that's also not the case also the case is maybe what's the best thing you can do with the current situation you have and in that moment have to make the best of it and we made some right moves and uh we did get some you know we we experienced some luck and we worked hard and the next thing you know things grew yeah from having a few hundred agents to now 15 16 000 agents in 49 states we weren't expecting that we were not expecting that and i'm not talking about being in a company having sales people this is having to hire cfos raising money founding it's very complex without a four-year degree without a two-year degree without a finance it's very complicated but somehow it happens so yes i would say sometimes there are many times where the sequencing wasn't right but there are times it also wasn't right but you had to make the best of it you made it yeah you got to make it work and what's the difference between entrepreneur versus entrepreneur and how do you know if you should be entrepreneur and entrepreneur or if you should be entrepreneurial yeah with a team and a mission that has funds and resources and it's not all on your shoulders yeah that's a great question so you know one of the things we talk about in this book your next five moves is knowing you know when you decide how you want to create your wealth and who you want to be meaning okay so who do you want to be i want to be an entrepreneur i want to be an entrepreneur i want to be a solopreneur i want to be a content creator i want to be an influencer i want to be an inventor i want to be an investor so you you kind of figure out what angle you want to go and who you want to be and then you figure out which one you want to do next you may want to be an entrepreneur but entrepreneur may make sense next right you want it to be an entrepreneur may make sense next so this movement of entrepreneur got a lot of people to become entrepreneurs who should have never become entrepreneurs okay they just should have never become entrepreneurs because they did not experience the element of being an entrepreneur an entrepreneur thinks works is wired looks at money people talent recruits sells sells the dream everything an entrepreneur does is identical to the entrepreneur the only difference between the entrepreneur and the entrepreneurs the entrepreneur put up the money that's it yeah meaning there is nothing else that's different there the same amount of sacrifices this guy is willing to make this guy's willing to make he just didn't put up the money right which is a whole different level of sacrifice a whole different level pressure stress you got it yeah and that's one of the reasons why the entrepreneur respects the entrepreneur it's like the hidden code listen man i'm willing to do everything you're doing but i didn't put up money absolutely i respect you this is why you're number one i'm number two but i salute you what do we need to do right and there's that element of respect for one another now the entrepreneur has to be willing to allow an entrepreneur to exist so for example bob iger's story bob iger starts off with abc years ago a young guy coming out doesn't know what he wants to do accidentally gets a job he starts working at abc then he works his way up and it's his dream to be a ceo of disney then eventually becomes the ceo of disney he is the ceo of disney for 15 16 years he ends up closing george lucas and by star wars he ends up buying marvel he ends up buying pixar from steve jobs and he ends up buying fox you do these four trends his salary was 67 million dollars a year wow not net worth salary never was an entrepreneur right bob eicher was never an entrepreneur clippers right here balmer balmer's worth 56 57 billion dollars he's not an entrepreneur wow he was an employee number five or number six that yeah he's never he was he was an employee at microsoft wow and then eventually paul allen didn't want to do it anymore he kind of wanted to step down bill gates comes and gets ball more bomber takes it to the next level bulma now owns the clippers so there are many entrepreneurs that started the company that own 100 their business but they're making 80 grand a year right they're making 600 grand a year because they wanted 100 of control palmer's like listen i'm good gate started it but i'm worth 58 billion yeah so the road to what you're solving for you don't have to say i have to be an entrepreneur no you don't maybe the better option for you is go find if you can find a killer on the way up if you can find a killer on the way up so you know if you looked at everybody as a stock let's just say we started looking at everybody as a stock okay so you have small cap mid cap large cap what's the difference between a small cap mid cap large cap it's a dollar amount you know 5 billion less 5 billion to another and then you have the large cap you know all these disney's walmarts these are a large cap right but the key is if you can figure out when they're a small cap the key is if you're at the paypal mafia group and you see somebody who says that guy's gonna start yelp i'm gonna go wrong with that guy that guy's gonna start you know tesla uber uber that guy peter thiel i want to go do something with him i don't care if i miss number two or number three i want to go with this guy you put a half a million dollars into facebook worth a couple billion dollars this guy's coming up i want to go like maverick carter is going to be somebody in the next 20 years right if you can figure out a way to run with them because you are one contact away from lebron so if a guy wants to get into media and let's just say you want to do something in the african-american community figure right away to go work for maverick carter his stocks going to be high 20 years from now right i mean it's big today but i'm talking really high so if you can make a list of guys where you can have an eye for it it's almost like picking a husband or a wife you know because picking a husband or wife there's a risk factor you go to dinner and say babe i love you so much you're so beautiful you make my day when i see you i'm just like i'm in heaven it's like i don't see anybody else it's just clouds around me and angels you know and i see birds when we're together and then the marriage conversation comes up and your brain you become a mathematician all of a sudden like i don't know i say 72 percent chance we get a divorce but i wanted to take that 28 chance risk so there's an element that we get judged for our friends we get judged for who we marry we get judged for our girlfriend our boyfriend we get judged for career industry you also get judged on who you decide to lock onto and run with as a right-hand person or as the person that you want to be their right-hand person but if you can't look at people as stocks and you saw somebody that has a big up saying you lock onto them early it's going to be a wild ride um when did you know your wife was going to be your wife and what did you see in her that made you say this is going to be my next move in this area of my life that's a great question so i i for the five and a half years that we weren't together every friend i ever had i set him up on a double date every friend i would say dude go ask her out wow she's a wife you said you want a wife go ask her out you think so you think she'd be interested call her call her up go talk to her everybody i would say go talk to her why etiquette hi okay temperament calm very easygoing accommodating but disciplined worker has her own identity not a pushover strong but at the same time it's just so gentle to be around her now myself so originally i thought i wanted to marry myself so i did i ended up dating someone that was me we were both libras okay she was my former boss and we almost killed each other i mean i would have been one of us would have been dead because it was like fire versus fire and she is so competitive and we're going just craziness right and then uh one day i sat down and i read this book 101 questions to ask before you get engaged and this book i read i went through all these things and i said wait a minute who i thought i wanted as a wife is not really a wife who i wanted as a wife these are the 18 things that i can't compromise these things so yeah there's that's definitely not going to work out this is definitely not gonna work out here's what i need and i'm sorry people can say that chauvinistic this is what matters to me i can't try to please you because you think it's chauvinistic this is what matters to me here's what i'm willing to make a decision so then uh we were at palm springs and my wife and i at that time she was in a different relationship and uh she's sitting across from me her relationship had ended my relationship had ended and i said who are you seeing right now she said i'm not seeing anybody i said you're not seeing anybody so no the guy sitting in that corner was it was rusty i said rusty let's switch seats so i go sit next to her i said so what are you looking for in a man it's just like that yeah i said so what are you looking for in a man so she says you know i'm looking for somebody that's tall strong you can't push him over and so i'm like okay either she's a great recruiter on what she's saying or she's just saying i don't want somebody that's a pushover because i want somebody that can protect the family i should okay great let's grab wine afterwards we went downstairs i had a glass of wine she had a glass of orange juice and then we spent the whole weekend together then we drove back from palm springs back home it was a two and a half hour drive and we talked in the car the entire time she went to pasadena to visit her family but before she did that monday night i said meet me at jerry's deli you know the jerry's off of ventura she meets me at jerry's deli at 10 o'clock and she says so pat tell me when you sell this policy how do you sell it what do you say when they say this and she goes an hour asking questions about sales huh i said do you know why you're here she says uh yeah because you're helping me with my business i said not at all i'm here because i like you and i think you like me too and i think we should date and she gets up and walks out she just gets up and watches we're friends this doesn't make any sense i can't see it she walks up gets out leaves jerry gets in the car goes to pasadena houston texas and like there's no way in the world this is what's happening right now so i go home i say that i want you to look at this myspace uh page because it was my space back sure sure and her song was let the drummer kick do you remember the song let the let the drummer kick let the drum you know so i'm listening to this let the drummer kick 24 i'm telling my dad that this is your future daughter-in-law she says how many more you've told me hundreds of women are going to be my future i said no this is the one that i'm telling you so i call her up she's not answering i send her a message on uh she's not answering yeah she finally sends me a message saying look my only concern with us dating is the fact that we're friends i don't want to risk losing our friendship so i respond back i said aside from risk losing our friendship what other concerns do you have none so she doesn't answer for a few hours it was christmas eve we got on the phone to five and a half hour conversation she came back december 29th we went to pf changs off of sherman oaks and sepola if you know right by the four or five freeway so we went there we sat down and that night our waitress uh was waiter was coming up to me and i said can i talk to you we're having a big problem here because we were the last ones left this is what's the problem i said you know my wife and i have been married for a long time she's not my wife she's just somebody we that's our first i said my wife and i have been dating for quite some time and her parents don't like me because i'm from iran what could you tell her this poor guy sits down next to us for 15 minutes starts talking about but do you love him because that's all that matters wow don't worry it starts getting and at this point i'm feeling guilty because i'm like this sucks because this guy's really trying to be sincere anyways after that night when we went home i said we're probably going to get married next day we went to uh a church then we went to santa monica stairs then we went to earth cafe then we went to borders when there used to be a borders and i bought her the book 101 questions to ask before we get engaged on our second date wow i said we need to go through this together a week later we were at her place six hours of going through all the questions together a year and a half later we got engaged and we got three kids and we're married 11 years by the way this is what i will tell you that's a very weird answer i give people people ask me so man do you know for a fact this thing's going to work out forever absolutely not we take it one year at a time marriage is very risky because you can't control people i can't control how what kind of emotions you're gonna have what's gonna happen to you she can't do it to me but from day one we said babe one ear at a time no pressure perfection the pressure perfection of marriage ruins everybody you're always worried about what if this doesn't work out what if this what if i become like my parents what if all that stuff and that pressure doesn't allow you to enjoy your marriage so we said baby i think we can be married one more year we've been saying this for 11 years so we'll see how many more times we're going to say this wow yeah slightly different where do you think you'd be if you were single over the last 11 years you weren't married didn't have kids would you be farther along in your financial no success and fulfillment success or does this bring you more financial and inner fulfillment well the the the like when you're married there is just as much of a target on you when you're married when you're single you have to understand how so because you're a target you're somebody that's taken it's a challenge desirable it's a challenge it's a challenge you have to check yourself all the time i have a formula last week i was at west palm tell me this and i can't tell you the formula on camera here but the formula i can tell you privately but i i'm at west palm and i started sharing this formula with our married guys i said guys listen i said them with three guys i said you guys are all good looking okay one guy's name is money you're good looking you're good looking these guys are all like good looking one guy went to apu the other guy's a butcher from jersey who had a broadway show in new york and the other guy was a calvin klein model 6-4 curtis heathman i'm saying well guys you're very good-looking now good news is you guys all married well you're you're you have beautiful wives i said but don't get it twisted yeah you know when you're by yourself and you're you're you're a target as well so you got to have a system so i told them the system when i told them the system they sat there they're like it was the uncomfortable moment and i said yeah this is very effective just so it gives you two hours of savings okay if you do this exercise that i'm telling you and uh while i'm telling them their face is turning red and then their wives come so what are you guys talking about i said yeah andrew why don't you tell your wife what we're talking about baby you know what you know so you know the difference if i was single it would have been more women it would have been more dating it would have been more relationship it would have been more trying to please her and her and her and consuming my time and and the desire to try to please you know however many relationships you have it's too much of getting into a relationship ending all the relationships managing the energy the energy of trying to you know like everybody you date for the first time you're like heaven on earth i wish the last one was like her oh my gosh and then one's issue is she bites her nails another one's issue is she doesn't like to floss so when you're making out at night there's a little bit of i'm like give me a freaking break go floss already no it's something another one is her mother and her mother is like so annoying she wants to tell you what to do and you're so sick of it another one is her dad is the opinions on how you should do everything and she listens to her dad and your number two as a man there's so many things so you have to eventually make a decision which one right what are the most annoying things that you're willing to work with because they're not going away everyone's going to have something you got willing to accept something i'm curious about you've built a very rich life not just financially but in your marriage and your your family your friendships your client relationships you've built a rich life i'm curious what are the three things that poor people do that rich people don't do or you can reverse it yeah three things rich people do that poor people don't well i i can tell you uh uh the they they have a the intuition of how they uh judge people because everything is about the whole intuition part right you're sitting there who you choose to befriend who you choose to have relationships with you know and how you water those relationships because if you want to have a relationship together and it's just take take take nothing's going to happen i remember i'm a 24 year old kid i don't know nothing about business i've done some stuff in sales but i really don't know nothing about business i'm i'm a 22 year old kid i go and i take this guy i go to a job interview at the advertising group shout out to jamie hebb and i watch this guy he interviews me i'm at that time working on morgan sandy dean witter but i'm trying to see what else i want to do okay so i got started day before 9 11 but i'm still interviewing i sit with them in the interview and the way he interviewed me i sat and i said i will never work for this company because it's just not what i want to do because they were selling xerox machines and business to business i said but i want to have a relationship with you i said do you mind if i get your business card he said yeah sure i said okay great so it gives me his business card year and a half later i get a job i'm doing good at this point i'm making some income 23 years old i call them up and i said jamie you don't remember me but i want to take you out to lunch and i want to pick your brain if you don't mind i told you a year and a half ago that i wanted to do this with you said yes he says great let's do it so we go to macaroni and macaroni grill someone cover city right around here like victory overland some somewhere around that area so we go there he brings this drop dead gorgeous girl that works for him i think her name is natalia or natasha or something with ant right and she's beautiful short skirt perfect legs flawless beautiful face she's sitting right there and i know what he's trying to do he's trying to woo me to go be one of his sales guys and i said look with all due respect you're beautiful but i have no interest in you my interest is in you is it fair if we just talk business for an hour he says yes so i went okay now at this point he's making a million i'm making 50 grand here i'm a nobody okay we have lunch again i'm taking those taking those taking notes i offered to pay he doesn't let me pay he pays he says i got it no problem when i leave i send him a book we had this meeting that we did every three to six months together at this restaurant argentinian restaurant called bamboo which they had this beautiful uh soup every time we would have dinner with him or we'd go to lunch i would always send him a book ten years later he says every time i meet with patrick a book is on its way okay so i value the relationship i ask them what do you need from me how can i bring things to you years later he gives me one referral that one referral he gave me helped me open up florida if he doesn't give me that referral that florida office wouldn't be opened up right one contact opens up a whole state okay so another relationship i can tell you about is i was going to churches and i said let me see what's going to happen with these churches and i'm going to churches and i'm going to these different places and i'm having a i'm studying scientology i'm studying lds i'm studying jehovah judaism i'm studying everything at this point in the game i was obsessed with religion so all i want to do is study study study everything about religion right and i'm 24 25 i eventually find this church called shepherd shepherd of the hills which is ran by a guy named dudley rutherford and i go to this place and i'm i'm an atheist so it's not like i'm going in there i'm just trying to see what's going on over here i'm just trying to learn i'm not trying to do i go this place and i'm like okay i like this guy style typically go to church if you don't do this you don't know hell hey i'm not dude i don't need to know i'm going to hell i know i'm going to hell i just want and i was shot in heaven you know what i'm saying so this guy's energy was you have a shot about heaven right i'm okay cool all right how much this might try out so i go there and i'm sitting in the back i watch him once twice three times four times i'm like wow this i like this guy so then i sent him an email a little bit of an arrogant email but i'll tell you what the email was i sent him an email i said listen my name is patrick baby you don't know who i am but i'm gonna be somebody in the world and i know you are somebody in the world but i promise you if you give me your time i will always bring value to you it will not be waste your time okay i'm not doing anything at that time at 25. i'm i've got a small little office operation nothing crazy we go have a lunch together black angus black angus of canoga or topanga we go to black angus we sit down we talk after the meeting is over with us so what can i do for you nothing there we go out again what can i do for you nothing there what can i do for you nothing there eventually says something happened with my son at moore park basketball and i made a phone call to the coach and i spoke to the guy and anonymous anonymously because i don't like the way this whole situation was handled he probably doesn't even know the story i know the people may know but he may not even know the story so um so i make the phone call we get closer he marries my wife we change our wedding to friday which was set up on saturday to friday so he can wet us anyways in 2008 2009 2008 he introduces me to tom ellsworth you know how i talked about tom earlier he introduced me to tom okay and tom comes okay in 2009 he introduced me to matt sappala matt zappala and sheena i got introduced to o9 they just got promoted this last week at west palm beach to the chief distribution officer php right he is now the cdo okay we've paid them in the first six months to do over a million dollars they're they're doing very good at what they do in the business here but if i don't have that contact and i water him what his needs are not what i can take yeah if i give the needs you i don't have those contacts so i think too many times when you know you build a relationship with somebody it's immediately what can i do you know uh uh what can i do what can i get from you yeah and i remember how you were the first time we met you know when we were done you and i went to earth cafe with jen and i think we went and looked at some furniture and there was like a google shop that we went there i don't know if you remember that right across from earth cafe and and you said pat how can i help you what do you need from me you know what can i do for you it was on the corner how do we exactly yeah exactly something like so we walked i mean babe she's again i really like this louis guy i don't like this approach how he is that's the dynamic that you don't see behind closers people may see school of greatness people may see the books but behind closed doors the context is about what can i do for you so you ask three things i'd say the biggest one is figure out ways to strengthen relationships and take them deeper because you never know just like everybody thinks you're you know one sale away or one opportunity way you're one contact away from your life changing if you start valuing your contact like a book of business yeah everything changes that's true what i heard you say there was intuition study and relationships sure yeah that cover those kind of three things and i think when you think about people that aren't making the money that they want and don't have a rich life whether that be quality of life they probably aren't discerning their decisions and being intuitive about who they should spend time with they aren't researching more ideas and expanding their mind and they aren't giving in those relationships i would agree with that yeah i would agree with that and i think sometimes it's also not knowing what something could lead into you know god one time came into morgan sandy being with a harley-davidson bike and he had tattoos and he looked rough very rough no advisor would take him he says i'm looking for an advisor no advisor would take this guy yeah i need an advisor like oh there's a bank downstairs financial advisor financial advisor while morgan stanley dean witter glendale no one wants to take this guy this guy's got no money yeah so the guy comes out he sees and says i'll just give him to somebody else i'm good the guy in the corner office that has a couple hundred million dollars under management he leaves then the new guy takes him then a guy comes have 50 million dollars to invest he got an inheritance that one account was 50 changed his life changed his life yeah and he put the 500 rookie broker got a 50 million dollar money under management you're getting one or two points on that life changing so for life for life every year every year generational we're not talking about like a small thing here so you can't just sit there and look at relationships that you never know the potential of a contact you have to know every contact could take you to some place that you don't know it's like a movie you don't know the next scene you know so you can't just assume what that context is going to lead into yeah sometimes the smallest context can lead into something big one of the things i love about you patrick is you remind me of my dad so much and my childhood my dad i think i told you my dad was life insurance salesman for 32 years until he got into a brain accident he got in a car crash and he's still alive today but he had to stop working and he also became an entrepreneur launched the health insurance vertical in in conjunction with northwestern mutual and he does everything you do and my whole business model into just the way that i live is based on what i witnessed him doing and this was pre-social media pre-internet wow he would just remember names like nobody's business he was so giving so thoughtful and he was always thinking the long term he wasn't like how can i sell you now but how can i give you now he would do this every day he would read the newspaper and he would cut out the newspaper every day and write long letters and put in envelopes and send it out to people that were clients and people that are not clients if it was someone's kid in sports that you know was hey they had their best game ever hey i just wanted to send you this clipping wow of the newspaper to just people in the community that's on a whole different level though man that's handwritten letters and just send it to them and say hey you know if i can ever help with anything let me know yeah it was that kind of old school mentality but he would always just show up for people just take meetings to take them and wasn't always trying to sell but just trying to serve and that's really kind of how i built my business early on was when i had nothing at all i was just like what can i learn from someone and how can i ask them what they need and then deliver on that need as fast as possible and not ask for anything in return and i think that's one of the reasons why i've been able to grow is because of the relationship building you know ben our producer i met him nine years ago when he was a student at columbia journalism school i getting getting her master's right and he was working on a documentary about hamble i was in handball at that time in new york city and really liked the way he made the documentary and followed his journey over the last nine years stayed in touch every year we needed a head producer to really build our content and i reached out to him and the timing right the sequencing was right and we had a relationship where it made sense at least for now maybe he leaves at some point but it's been great so far in the last four months and i think you never know where the relationship will go even if it didn't work out it's still worth building relationships no question even if we never work together because you just never know who that person might introduce you to who might say your name behind closed doors where it unlocks some opportunity you'd never know so you remind me a lot of my dad that's a big compliment man i appreciate that thank you and i think if more people came from that place of how can i just care about people and help them solve their problems you're going to gain a lot back in return long term whether it's with that person or not and you talk about money a lot on your show and you have an amazing video about your top i think it's your top 20 rules on money i'm curious since we're going to the rich poor conversation what would you say are the top three to five rules on money if you could boil it down to three to five it's a game the number one rule is it's a game you're playing a game it's that simple you know uh if you if you look at it as a game just like anything you can get better at it right like i don't whatever game you play if you play uno if you play monopoly if you play clue if you play manga if you play fortnite if anything you play you know you're going to get good i remember in my time i was playing fester's quest i played zelda i used to play final fantasy 1 and i would play obviously street fighter or mortal kombat but it was also uh what was the mario kart as a super mario kart ice and you know how you would do the three jumps and then bam it's going fast and i would beat this time 32 seconds i was so proud of it but i played it 50 000 times right so the game with money it's it's exactly what it is once you learn how to play the game with money then it has to do with timing then it has to do with different kind of things like you know a a year ago i get a call from a guy who needs cash it's okay so he needs an investment he he has something he has to sell immediately to get cash in return okay because he needs the money right away so it's okay so uh what are you selling he says it's the two greatest wayne gretzky cards i said okay signed or unsigned no this is a psa 10 1979 opg no sign but it's the holy grail so the the opg one sold in 2016 for 453 000 okay wow and just five years prior to that it sold for ninety two thousand dollars so from ninety two thousand to four fifty one in 2016 and he calls me and a top sold in 2016 for 205 000 so two cards combined sold in 2016 for 600 and you know he has them both he has them both and he wants to sell it to me and i said okay what do you want to sell it for he's like six hundred thousand yeah of course he wants to all right so i'm not gonna pay you that i mean you know he wants 650 i'm not gonna pay that but we talked about it and eventually he gave me a number right and it was still a number i had to still cough up you know half a million dollar check to the guy but we met at the psa headquarters classy guy total gentleman we sat down transaction happened the ceo of psa came showed us the poster on the psa headquarters i think it's a new port of the card is on the wall it's the most expensive hockey card in the world right okay no problem so you're a hockey fan i'm not a hockey fan i'm an investment guy with hockey but i've interviewed wayne gretzky six years ago wow so i like greatness i like anybody that just goes and crushes it with their game right so i buy this card so i buy the card i don't think much of one card not two two cards it's both of them i bought both of them yeah wow so the other guy who owns the card wouldn't sell his card for a million dollars if you paid it to him so here's what i do now two guys own the card me and the other guy there's only two of us okay you paid a million he won't sell it to you so that means there's only one in the market because it's me because i'm willing to sell it yeah right yeah so it's on ebay right if you go on ebay right now you type in wayne gretzky opg it's it's on market right now for a million dollars right what the the one of them is on the market four million the other one's on the market for four hundred thousand so you asked me for rule of money i had cash if i don't have cash like that i can't double my money that quickly so we just talk about three of them money's a game you need cash because opportunity is going to come up and it's a doubles game so if i put this game it's a doubles game everything about money is a doubles game what's that mean a doubles game to me is i pay you a thousand dollars can we double it in six months no how long in 12 months okay no problem i'll do a double in a year here's a thousand dollars i get a double bag right so if you take a thousand and you double it every year what happens thousand goes into two four eight sixteen thirty two sixty four two fifty six five two of a million a thousand dollars is nine doubles away from a million wow now you take a million and see what happens if we double it nine times one million goes into two million four million eight million sixteen million thirty two sixty four one twenty eight two fifty six five two of a billion a million is ten doubles away from a billion how do you find the doubles well that's the game that's the part of the game that's what i'm trying to tell you so so the doubles now becomes investment opportunities you know what you buy into do you start a company where has a high value you know you can really scale it and finding something that can scale do you invest into things that are going to give you six eight ten percent or you're gonna go play ball and take the risk that's the game that you're gonna start learning that you know part of my money is gonna be hedge and i'm gonna buy some gold because i'm not gonna become a billionaire off goal but i'm buying it because gold is money and something happens to the economy i'm protected with the gold but you know what i'm going to put some of this money in mutual funds because i know long term i'm going to make 8 to 12 on this i'm fine with that i might do a real estate deal because long term i may do some money although right now commercial real estate may be an interesting dynamic because i think zoom crushed commercial real estate the commercial real estate model has it's been crushed yeah and by the way it may never come back the same way ever again commercial 20 years from now or something who knows i don't even think i think it's gone here's what i mean look we have this space right okay you got this space did you get in the last four months how long have you been before coming okay so six months before yeah but if you get this today if you get this today right right now office space in dallas office space nationwide companies are looking at their business models and they're just saying why do i need a hundred thousand square feet of office space why do i need it but if you go out there you look at the numbers you're like okay i don't know if i'm going to commercial real estate you know but if i find some small if i team up with the investment bank or if i team up with a guy that's managing money and i go with a vc team and this is a guy that's you know flipping opportunities fairly quickly and i dump a million dollars with him and within five years he turns a million dollars into five million that's five x and five years that may not be a bad idea so you gotta find those and they're out there by the way yeah yep they're out there so ray dalio plays a game of uh doubles warren buffett's a doubles game all these guys are a doubles game and is investing in businesses yes i'm a business guy i'm not a real estate guy there are people that by the way that doesn't mean real estate doesn't work i mean it wouldn't make any sense for me to say there's real estate billionaires everywhere our president is a real estate billionaire so for me to knock real estate would would have no value to it but for me i'm more about i have an idea what are you guys doing me and tiffany are thinking about starting a a marketing company okay how can this thing scale well let me tell you what we've got we got three packages boom boom boom we're going to be target audience we're going to be targeting people in this world okay and interesting how much are they going to be we foresee us doing 6 million dollars in revenue within 24 months what have you done to be able to earn this i'm a columbia guy i'm at this time of this how much money do you need i need two million dollars i can't give you two million can i come in for a hundred thousand i put a hundred thousand dollars the next thing this thing sells for 200 million dollars that hundred thousand dollars all of a sudden became 2.2 million dollars that's a victory so those opportunities are out there you just got to focus and then the last one i would tell you with the money so we talked about what we talked about game is a game you need cash doubles game doubles game yep and i'll tell you one more would be you have to be maniacally maniacal about being patient i mean you have to be patiently aggressive you know patiently aggressive it's so tough to do because you want your money to double now exactly it might take 10 years yeah but but if you are willing to do the 10 years it may double 40 times it may double 30 times you know like when bezos said just hang tight i'm not going to give you dividends just trust me on this trust me on this right and at the beginning if you've heard the story where he goes and raises two million dollars from he gets fifty thousand dollars from forty people that's what two million dollars and he gives them twenty percent wow twenty percent up twenty percent gives them just for two million dollars you know what that 20 is worth today 200 billion dollars that's the point so can you imagine 1994 amazon get started forget about you put 2 million just say you put 50 million just with you you put 50 000 what is a half a percent of a 2 of a trillion company right now a half a percent you're still a half a billionaire wow your 50 000 is worth 500 million dollars give or take whatever the numbers we're doing right the point is that is a massive victory the guy who put ten thousand dollars and he gave it to berkshire hathaway in 1974 i don't know if you've heard this story you know warren buffett is starting he says i'll give you ten thousand dollars never touches the money goes back to his regular job makes a hundred grand a year you know have you read this article no tell me the ten thousand dollars if you go on business insider you pull it up is worth 780 today 780 million million never did anything to it so that's the part about patiently aggressive yeah it's very hard to do but the doubles get bigger later on not early on the doubles are bigger you're fifteen twenty twenty that's what papa talks about just like his successes he's lived longer you know he's just stayed around longer to let the money continue to compound and that compounded interest is where it's at what's the three greatest investments you've made in yourself and would you recommend those same investments in other people or what should they be doing in their life right now so you know i will tell you i went to a harvard opm program one time and i spent opm opm is owner president management program so if you run a business that does 10 million or more you get to go to it and it's three years of three weeks living on campus right i went there but i uh uh didn't go afterwards for different reasons but i went there when i spent that fifty thousand dollars and i was on campus for three weeks you spent three weeks with 144 people from 64 different countries so watch what happens i'm sitting there and at this point of the game i have no idea what it is to be a ceo i've gone from being an employee to a salesperson to a sales leader to a good manager but i don't know what it is to be a ceo i have no idea what it is to be a ceo so i sit next to this guy he becomes my teammate my partner he uh he owns the victorious secret of new zealand and australia the reason why i'm laughing is because the last day eight of us were chosen to go present a business opportunity so he keeps telling me patrick i'm gonna kill it just watch what i'm going to do i'm going to scare the hell out of lynetto i think the lady's name is linda because she's the main person that does it watch what i'm about to do so he goes up on stage louis it's a very simple guy i'm a good looking guy but he's not a charismatic anything just goes up on stage he says let me tell you why you ought to invest a million dollars into my new lingerie line uh he says here's the powerpoint here's the power you see all the sexy women here you know what i think it's more important for you to see this face to face ladies no way brings some man seven models come in half naked wearing the lingerie the entire place all the entrepreneurs are going crazy but the teachers are furious with them the ladies are running up takes their jacket off is trying to cover all these women it was phenomenal right to see this year but the point is harvard stuff on hard work campus right think about it here's the part five years goes by i'm talking to you about it that's called marketing right you remember it i remember it but when i was sitting next to him i said so listen man i'm trying to i'm trying to learn how to be a good ceo what do you suggest about being a good ceo he says man i got 7 000 employees and have seven seals that report directly to me i spent three weeks with this guy telling me stuff that he does with his ceo he's not a motivational speaker i don't even think he's got a thousand people follow him on instagram he's worth a couple billion he's not an influencer but those three weeks of talking to i was like a kid in a candy store trying to pull information out of this guy and it was all technical stuff it wasn't motivational stuff what time do you wake up what's your daily routine none of that stuff it's what do you do when you're trying to hire a person and you know you got to give him equity but you're afraid if you give him too much equity and he leaves early and you protect yourself that if you fire him does he still get the other two-thirds is he still how do you do this goal you set it up this way what do you do to make sure your attorney that you have that attorney that you have who is negotiating with the other attorney and he doesn't really want to go to court so behind closed doors they're settling and he's not really working on your side he's working on the other side to kind of speed it up and he how do you get him to well you got another get another attorney who holds him accountable like these are the things that he said to me that you can't read about in places so you said three investments that's one of them uh vistage was 100 a great investment because we met once a month uh for three four years with a man named john morris john morris is a local guy santa monica guy it'd be great for you get connected with them we're sitting in a meeting one time with john morris and one of the entrepreneurs going out of business and he says uh guys i got bad news because you would start the meeting and he would say here's my personal life here's my health here's my marriage here's my business here's my kids and we would all talk amongst each other and everybody had to sign nda so you don't tell your story but one guy gets up and he says guys i got bad news i'm about to go out of business why if i don't get a half a million by this friday we're shutting down if i get it i'll last another year and a half and i think we'll make it but i'm shutting down this is what john does tell me what do you need for half a million what are you willing to give up for the half a million what are you willing to do this he says give me a second in front of all of us why are the money calls a guy no it calls a guy who is in his business same industry says take this call go talk to him terms boom guy comes back ecstatic by friday half a million was in his account wow this is the kind of guy john morris's right so vistage to me was watching people from different industries every month for nine hours for one day nine hours and everybody would share their problems it was fifteen hundred bucks a month some number like that a hundred percent well worth if you get qualified to go in because vistas you have to do is this like tiger 33 have you ever this thing called tiger 33 i think it's called it's kind of like you've got to have 50 million people there's there's things like that everywhere this is one of them we got to reveal kind of your financial plan yeah there's a lot of that happening right now and i think it's great i think it's great if it's by real business people not social media influencers and let me explain to what i mean by this what's social like for example if somebody wants to learn how to create a podcast i want to go learn from somebody that's trying to like you were the guy succeed taught people how to do the webinars and then you made people millions by the way you made a lot of people a lot of money with what you were doing with webinars a time that people didn't think webinars had money yeah five six seven years ago yeah i mean at a time that nobody was thinking about it right so so i would go on listen you're doing webinars why are you doing webinars oh lewis taught me how to do this louis lucy i lose house oh no [ __ ] webinars yeah okay so but this is not webinars this is not this is about these guys how did you go from bigger strategy on yeah this is stuff that you sit there and you're like wow you guys are doing how much per year 820 million dollars how many employees you got 922. how many people on your board seven of them how do you handle conflicts and like this is the stuff that you talk with these guys right at vistage so i recommend the opm program i recommend the vistage program and then i'm a obsessive reader man i mean i don't know how many articles and stuff i read so i would recommend subscribing to when there's like business insider that you can pay 99 per year pay for it if there's a wall street journal that you pay 600 per year pay for it if there are these handful of stuff that you can get that's not just the general news if you spend a thousand two thousand dollars on these new sites that are sending the elite articles that's different than the main ones don't hesitate pay for it because everybody's gonna talk about the general stuff but that additional stuff is written by advanced stuff yeah it's advanced so imagine insider it's the insider stuff written by the cfo of snapchat that's telling you nine ways to protect yourself against cyber security that will be boring to other people but you're looking and you're saying damn this was freaky this was legit so yeah those those kinds of investments is what i would say to you and if you're if you lost your job right now what investment should you make in your stuff if i lost my job right now and i don't have a job lined up within four weeks that means i have a very weak contact list so the problem is a long-term problem so you are the long-term if you cannot replace yourself with a job within four weeks you have a terrible contact list relationship exactly because you should be able to replace your job within four weeks if you got a solid contact list why shouldn't you be you should like you know a person gets like we fired a guy named uh a mark and he was with aig for 22 years and i love this guy but he just wasn't a fit so i talked to mark i said mark this is not gonna work out but i'm telling you right now i got a job for you lined up at columbus he says seriously i said interview set up c of columbus calls me for review i said no question this guy's a phenomenal guy for you he gets hired like this with him too you should if you have the contacts like this you ought to be so if you don't it means the problem is you either don't have enough value in the marketplace or your contacts are weak when you think about someone you want to connect with what goes through your mind of the sequencing of how do i reach out to this person there's a lot of research on the person i do a lot of research on the person really good at that yeah a lot of research on the perspective people don't know how valuable understanding who someone is and what their history is and what makes them tick i agree how meaningful that is when you do that yeah and i think you did this when you first interviewed me you just knew a lot about me and you did research and i'm like man it takes so much time and energy and when you're running a business with a thousand employees or doing 10 sales calls a day you're you know husband your dad how do you manage building relationships when you have so much going on though you have no free time yeah so so this this goes into at what level you want to go to in life meaning there is levels in this game right like listen uh gary payton is alpha but he's not alpha when michael's in the room when michael's in the room michael's the alpha he's a little kobe is an alpha but not when michael's in the room but anybody else in the room kobe's the alpha including magic johnson including shaq yeah but when barclay's in the room with shaq who's the alpha shack's the alpha okay but when barclay's in the room with a carmelo anthony barclays the alpha everything's about levels right so what level do you want to go to so if you want to go at the next levels it's going to require you to be a little bit more meticulous and detailed about your strategy about uh uh the kind of help you're gonna need the kind of research you're gonna need the kind of relationships you're gonna need you know and then figuring out like you're scheduling sometimes people want to have the four hour work week i'm not a four hour work week guy but some people want that lifestyle and you have to give credit to tim ferriss because tim ferriss started a movement with a bunch of laptop entrepreneurs all over the world and guess what they love it when i talk to these people that read four hour work week and i'm in malaysia and look at my life and i'm making like 300 grand a year or a few million a year or whatever it may be for you i could never i'm a terrible vacation guy after three days i'm a three-day guy yeah but i know myself if i go to to bora bora if i go to greece and we have to go after three days my wife will say baby you're good like babe it's three days baby she says can i get it babe just kind of and we're typically go because we're entertaining people we're not going it's like we're taking 500 people 400 people so we're entertaining people it's not like you know you're going because it's when we go we go we get our stuff done and we come back and we have a great time together because now we have a system when you have kids it's different because you can go longer with kids because you're vicariously living through them i like i like going to universal studios i can go with my kids universal studios because i see how he looks at harry potter and you know the spiders and the stuff it's beautiful when you see their imagination right but going back to the question you're asking so how do you find time to do research how do you find time to do all this other stuff if you want to compete in the top one percent of one percent of one percent of one percent the price is a bigger price and lewis there's no way to describe how to do it there isn't a formula for it you just have to figure out a way how to do it if it means i come home and i have to watch a person's interview from 11 o'clock to 2 o'clock in the morning and i come to the office at 8 am to do my interview and i have to come and go read through 20 pages of notes i have to do that and if i don't do that you can tell in the interview if i do do it you're like how does he know that guy's date yeah how does he know when this happened at this time how do you know when this happened it's a lot of research the level of detail and attention as people remember for decades they'll remember and always think back to you know that person really cared that person was really thoughtful that person was genuinely interested in me and they'll just continue to remember that and good things will come to you when you come from that place when you constantly do that extra work to care about someone so i agree there um what's the question you wish everyone asked you more that they don't ask you i think the the the understanding of knowing that you know if i really want to do something big what do i do when i'm having the guilt that i get from my wife my kids my family how do you manage guilt for example something big what do you mean by that okay so for example you you really aspire to have your own talk show which you should i mean you look like a guy that you ought to have it one day you're that kind of a guy you need to be on the big screen you belong on the big screen you need to have something like that happen with lewis house i've said this to you from the first time we sat down you look like the guy that has something like that going for himself montel williams meets oprah winfrey meets you know michael strahan meets you know like ellen degeneres combiners combined okay lose house show on tv right okay so now if we're together and you know it's like oh babe you're working too hard all this this is research all this other stuff and you know you're not doing this with your kids and you're not spending time with this you're not spending like oh the guilt the guilt man so how do you handle the guilt the guilt works in a few different ways ted turner understood who he was and ted turner uh his personal life he'll be the first to say it was in shambles you know he uh mary jane fonda didn't work out because jane fonda wanted to go and jesus changed her life and she became all spiritual and tells like i don't want to talk about god i'm just i'm playing ball man let's go and buy the horses let's go to the montana place and ted had so much pressure on his life when time worn or bottom out and all this other stuff but then the guilt comes out right well you didn't do this and you didn't do that and you didn't do this and you didn't do that yeah but i wanted to do this with my life so you know that that stuff is can you live without finding out your full potential and not going there are you okay like there's a story one time i read uh in a book written by john maxwell this i read this like 16 years ago one of his small books with his affirmations that he had he said one day a guy goes to heaven he dies and he goes to heaven he's meeting with saint peter's and he was always a military guy right and he always wanted to be a general and he wanted to be a great gender he wanted to be a general go in the military be a leader but he never did it but he followed everybody's history so he goes to saint peter and says hey question for you saint peter i got one question for you what's that who's the greatest general of all time he says i'm sorry he said who's the greatest gen of all time you really going to ask me that yeah was it general patton no was it grant no who was it you is it me yes when the recruiter came to you for you to join the army and if you had the courage to go in you would have been the greatest general i have it right now you would have been the greatest general the world had ever seen but you were afraid wow i mean listen either that story makes you so nervous when you're kind of like i can't do that to myself or that story gets you to be like wow it's okay if i don't go there fine but you're gonna have to deal with that and whatever you decide to do that's big there's gonna be sacrifices yeah and there's gonna come with guilt so it's like you either have guilt or regret yeah it's how do you manage both exactly how do you manageable so so the formula there becomes if the person you're marrying like jen and i when we were dating i told her i said babe i'm not a nine-to-five guy so we want to sat down with a marriage counselor because i highly recommend meeting with somebody before you get married because i've met with so many therapists cal i think i recommend it for everybody because you can talk with a non-involved person in your life and let it out and they're just gonna listen to you so we met with this guy his name is danny nice guy sweetheart of a guy so we sit down i said danny let me ask you a question you've been married to your wife 33 years what's been the main thing that's helped you guys make this work he said we have one rule every night at six o'clock this is the one where we don't break you have to be at the dinner table everybody has dinner together like what'd you do for a living i was a school teacher what did your wife do we were both school teachers i said danny thank you so much for your time here's the 200 no we just got started i'm good buddy thank you pick up jim's like babe it's a little bit distressed i'm not disrespecting i paid the 200 we got it we walked out so we got in the car she says hey why'd you just do that that's disrespectful it's not disrespectful neither one of us are school teachers so this whatever he says it's not gonna work what do you want me to do with this is not the life we're choosing to live so then i had her go meet with dudley's wife okay and they meet together now here's what she says she says are you comfortable knowing that his time is going to be taken by everybody of you comfortable knowing that you have to put everything into calendar including your date night are you comfortable knowing you're going to have to remind him with every birthday are you comfortable are you comfortable no are you comfortable knowing and she goes through the ten affirmations and her number eight is are you comfortable knowing that there's gonna be days you really don't feel like it because you've had three kids and you're so tired because of food you still have to find them to have sex with your husband wow and she went through i didn't even know this stuff then i'm like man i love you so much you're such a great human being you know it's like life changing but we came back and said and then i took her to meet with the uh for her to know like with me and i said hey what do you think about me and uh dudley looks at me says listen i'm not worried about her i'm worried about you because are you comfortable knowing that you also have kids you have to put them priority as well you still got to find the time you got to do this you got to do that and he put the onus on me too so it can't be her only or him only but then they said here's what you both have to be comfortable with and you can make it work and it's going to be hard but if you bought into it up front then it's fine it's when you don't bind to it up front three years later after being married you're like damn and she says but you never said you wanted to do this now it's a problem yeah wow do you think if you guys want to be i mean it's already hard enough even if you are bought in very hard both agreed and it's still challenging it's very hard you're still one year at a time you know why marriage is the hardest thing you'll ever do why okay so let's just say this relationship doesn't work out ben right yeah let's just say relationship with columbia doesn't work he's been here for four months right yeah he says we need to have louis vuitton masks i don't like the fact that you don't have louis vuitton mats he gets offended he gets upset with you right he says screw you louis and goes and writes a negative review on yelp you're pissed you're like dude what are you doing bro but you can go find somebody else let's say you come one day you choose outside you piece of papa and you just put all your frustration he can't leave and say dude screw you i'ma go find a different boss right you have a choice let's say you have a business partner he steals two million dollars from you okay yeah you devastated mm-hmm you're like what a thief but you can go find a better business partner yeah okay let's say you have a girlfriend you guys have the worst fight ever you do something stupid she does something stupid you're breaking you're breaking up it's gonna be like a knowing you're gonna go to the bar hang out with your friend all this other stuff and you're gonna miss her text the middle nine i made a mistake i love you i miss you okay whatever okay move on yeah let's say you have kids that's why you never have one kid you gotta have two or three kids because you have options you never want to have one kid my recommendation never just have one kid yeah but you got one wife yeah one husband very annoying very annoying because if we're buddies you and i are friends let's just say you and i talk we have a big debate over lebron and kobe and it's bad it's bad dude whatever man you're such a yeah all you do is follow kobe when you're lebron your match here and we have a heated we have a debate over biden trump we have a debate over politics we have a debate over sports i'm pissed you're pissed at me we can go six weeks without talking that's cool you can't do that you're gonna see her that night yeah and you're laying in the same bed you don't land the same bed with your best friend you know with your butt right right like hey bro how you doing bro you're good it's not how it works it's very difficult yeah very complex so you know this is what i say man just don't get married with the numbers starting with two take your time and let when you do the married stuff do it with the number three especially men more than women look when i i've never made the number two or three don't do 28 years old 27 years old oh started with a 3 33 38 39 34 not two and the other part is also like i've never been i was never single with tinder i have no idea what it is to have access to you know tinder or it would have been bad news for me that's what i'm saying terrible that's the point but that's what's available today yeah so if that's available today time waster time suck not only a time waster times but even bigger than that you know you you're really gonna go through a lot and today you know sex is no longer what it used to be because sex is so easy today it's not intimate it's not bad you know you got like we have to go and say hey what's your name hey you know this hey can i buy you this message someone let's me yeah dm hey you put an emoji you don't even need to say anything the emoji describes everything else right so and then it's like oh you got one girl here one girl here one guy here one guy there and it's on both sides so now the value of that goes so you have to almost get that out of your system and then you say you know what i'm so burned out i'm sober i'm good my dad said this and this may be bad advice but this is my dad said he said go out there and be with every kind of woman you desire in every single place do every crazy thing you want to do get it out of your system then think about marriage again don't blame this on me send a message to my dad gabriel 42 is his handle on instagram but uh he said this but what his point was his point was temptation's never going away and if you win in life you're going to have more opportunities more things are going to come up you have the opportunity to screw up but he's just trying to say you don't ever want to be the person that you were a geek in high school you were a nobody you only dated one girl and then you meet this one girl you marry her and then at 38 years old you're this hot shot lawyer making 600 grand here and everybody knows you know you got millions of options but you got married at 25 you couldn't have waited till 34 to experience what it is to be a hot shot guy and then you marry wait till the hot shot phase so it's it's there i think someone said uh a mutual friend of ours that you know i won't say his name here but he said you're only as loyal as your level of options he's like if your options are low then you're gonna be pretty loyal to that one person but then when options become wow look at all these options you gotta be really loyal and be committed not easy very hard today yeah everybody can act hard and say well you know you have to be you have to do this and you have to do that no we have one of our guys that went through a bad marriage okay very ugly breakup that they had uh i got calls and everybody said did you hear what about what he did and what he did this i can't believe he did this do you know he did that part and the whole story was there was another girl on the picture but he was married okay so the guys who were talking a lot of smack i said i want you to come to my house they say well i want to talk to you guys today come to my house right now they came to my house it's okay come on guys squash we're gonna do project together so did we go outside i said everybody lined up by the pool everybody lined up by the pool so you guys lined up you ready we're gonna play a game and i'm gonna see who's gonna win this one so okay we're ready we're very competitive environment you ready you're ready you're i'm ready let's go okay so here's the game what is it let's see who can walk across the water the fastest go go ahead ready on three everybody walk across walk on the water across the pool to the other side but on three you guys ready one two go i said what happened oh you can't walk on water i got it so if you can't walk on water don't judge another person's mistake yeah learn from it try to figure out a way to respect them and move on yeah if they decide they can't go on because a mistake is that hurtful to them that is their business you do whatever you can to support because one day when it comes down to your turn of screwing up you're going to make sure the world doesn't want to judge you the way you judge everybody else so be patient be patient what you're doing uh i want to ask you the final question this has been really inspiring and powerful and uh before i ask them where can we follow you and on social media the most you've got amazing youtube amazing instagram where do you like to hang out the most yeah i'm probably if you message me on twitter i will most likely respond back on twitter uh youtube if you go to valuetainment you'll see the content that's there and then the website to go to is yournextfivemoves.com and if you buy a copy right now we're sending you a chapter to read of the book and if you buy three copies we're sending an hour strategy that i put together on four different uh strategies to what to do in 2020 post pandemic but yeah you can go on amazon and buy the book you can go on barnes and noble buy the book your next five moves and once you do read it i can't wait to hear your thoughts on what your next five moves are going to be absolutely yeah this question is called the three truths i ask everyone at the end imagine you've accomplished every dream you could ever imagine and it's your last day on earth many many years from now and it's all come true but you got to take all your body of work with you all your words your videos your audios it's gone to the next place wherever you go hopefully you get to that heaven spot right and you can share three things with the world only three things these three things you know to be true in the world that you've learned these three lessons what would be your three truths that you would share three truths truths to share for me to share to the world as these lessons but they would have nothing else from you no other content nothing else number one learn how to process issues learn how to process issues not just solve problems learn how to process issues because if you learn how to process issues you'll make better decisions as a husband as a wife as a father as a business owner as a as a leader as anything processing issues uh second thing i would say is figure out a way to for me spiritually you know i have a very unique relationship with the man upstairs and it's played a very very big part of my life you have to realize i'm not the guy that's the uh uh i'm the skeptic believer but i'm somebody that a lot of miracles have happened in my life for me to know that without god and a man upstairs i wouldn't be where i'm at today and i'm not just saying i'm not one that talks a lot about god you don't see me talk a lot about my faith but you're asking me the last things to say it would be that number two would be whatever it is you believe in seek your own truth when it comes down to your faith and then practice it practice it because it it it's gonna give you a different kind of a strength that all the money in the world cannot give you it's very important when you're making decisions that you're at peace with many of your decisions because the moment you're in anxiety and panic you're not gonna be enjoying life too much and then you know the last one go make your money whatever way you can set the money aside for yourself set the money aside for your husband your wife your kids and then figure out a way to give back to public service whether it's going to be through charity or politics but do that last part if you have no desire to get into politics like your dad sounds like you would have been great in politics by the way either go do public service mayor congress senate governor involvement advisor or you know clergy in a clergy church nonprofit figure out a way to give it back after you set yourself up financially so you don't have to worry about that yeah anymore that's powerful i want to acknowledge you patrick for uh for the way you've shown up your entire life and how you constantly grow constantly improve and care about people first that's what i see in you the most just before we got on you did a little video you remind me a lot of myself because you did a little video send it to robert greene just say hey we're thinking about you that's stuff i do all day and i just know that your gpa doesn't determine your your self-worth and your value and what you struggle with growing up doesn't determine what what i acknowledge in you is how you show up for other people and how you think deeply about how other people can grow and be better human beings so i acknowledge you for that and and you have no ego you have a little ego but you really don't have much ego because you're always willing to learn and see if there's a better way to improve which i think is the way we should all be it's like how can i always learn and even if i think i know it i'm still going to ask people you know who are better than me yes what i need to do to get to that next spot so i really acknowledge that in you i appreciate that i think everyone should get this book it'll be really powerful for people to check this book out my final question is what's your definition of greatness alignment it's purely alignment uh if i'm aligned with the my values and principles and my goals and dreams and those two are aligned i'm the most fulfilled happiest person alive it's when you're unaligned when you are miserable yeah when one time we're in hawaii uh my wife and i come back up to the room and then i said babe we have to decide what values and principles we want to build a life on this is pre-kids so we go through we made a list of 43 of them that's okay out of these 43 you can't have all these 43 right you got it you got to choose some of them so you have to cut some of them out and you know our family david family we lead in every possible situation we're in we respect people because you can learn something from everybody we improve because it's the one thing that will give you peace of mind knowing as long as you improve everything's going to work out and then we love because everybody has some issue they're dealing with the four things we pray for is courage wisdom tolerance understanding so courage because if you're ever going to be doing something big you're going to face enemies that you are going to be afraid you're going to have to have courage wisdom if you're going to lead people older than you you need to have wisdom to be able to lead them tolerance to be able to deal with annoying people and understanding to know that uh everyone's got a different story and then we don't bully them but we also don't get bullied right so once you have your values and principles and they're aligned with the way you live you're good if you don't panic anxiety depression regret misery and it's all an act it's all an act so my biggest thing when it comes down to greatness is alignment and that's why in the book when you ask me what's the first move is who do you want to be once you're aligned with who you want to be in the life you want to live you start enjoying this thing when you don't just like this like time has gone by you're not enjoying it relationships are fake a lot of things are fake so alignment's number one on my list yeah that's my man patrick thank you my man yes i appreciate you if you want to learn how to make more money and master money in your life then check out this video right here that's when i've made the biggest mistakes in my life is when i was desperate and the few times that i was greedy where i thought oh i'm gonna slip in there and that's gonna be easy money what was that easy money can you share a story of one of those greedy times where you tried to jump in and yeah

Channel: Lewis Howes

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Keywords: Valuetainment, patrick bet david, valuetainment money, valuetianment interview, patrick bet david interview, lewis howes, lewis howes interview, school of greatness, success habits, how to become wealthy, wealth, how to become successful, how to become rich, how to make money, signs you will become successful, how to make 1 million dollars, inspiration, motivation, self help, self improvement, self development, personal development, money, how to double your money, entrepreneurship

Id: 6GmTlmpg4Ho

Length: 82min 55sec (4975 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 12 2020