Rules of Mental Toughness

you know there's a lot of things in life we can measure we can measure what kind of return your mutual fund made we can measure how tall you are we can measure what you weigh we can measure your closing percentage and sale but how do you measure mental and emotional toughness we're going to talk about that today [Music] so i have several points to go through with you but let's start off with the first one you ever hear the saying before never judge a book by its cover well never judge toughness by its cover let me give you a personal story with my wife so my wife and i are in l.a okay we're about to have our first baby we hire a doula doula comes in at our house asks all these questions from my wife how do you want to have your baby you know you want to do c-section how do you want to do she says i want to have a natural baby she says yeah natural birth i get it you know a lot of people you know want to do that but really what if it doesn't go the way you want it and what she says i want to have a natural birth says okay well what if you know what if you're like you know cause she says no i want to have now and i'm sitting there thinking to myself what does natural really mean she says do you want pitocin no do you want epidural no do you want anything to give in to you no i want to do it all natural you want to do it all natural i wanna do it all natural in my mind i'm sitting as the man right and i'm saying i don't know about me if i had the choice man we're scheduling something at six o'clock c-section let's get you know do you know what you're thinking you're like okay boom we're getting you look at my wife quiet to herself when it came down to that northridge hospital and she was going through it guess what she did natural on the first one natural on the second one natural on the third one if you look at my wife she doesn't say much she's quiet to herself you cannot judge toughness by what somebody looks like never judge toughness by its cover pain tolerance is one of the biggest factors of someone who can handle pressure because the whole idea of pressure is there's pain that pain could be embarrassment that pain could be i don't know if i can handle this that pain could be a lot of different things you know ralph waldo emerson once said the difference between a hero and an average person is that the hero goes five minutes longer meaning the hero can handle the pain five minutes longer than the other person well my wife had the baby she said when the pain hit me and i was like there's no way i can feel it's like a train she tells me the story i don't know what it means she says i just had to hang in there for a few minutes longer and then it was over with that's pretty much what this means right so that's one method of how to measure someone's toughness here's the second one preparation david blaine who is what he called david blaine i don't know if you call him a magician you call him a lot of different things he's a performer david blaine decides to play the game of let me see how long i can hold my breath underwater right and one day he wants to go on the oprah winfrey show and on the oprah winfrey show he wants to uh break the record the world record right and he goes 17 minutes and four seconds holding his breath underwater what's the longest you've ever held your breath underwater actually think about it and comment below what's the longest you've ever held your breath underwater i think about it myself whenever i'm by a pool i tell guys hey let's who can hold their breath on the water one guy goes in 30 seconds 45 seconds a minute i remember we're in cancun and one of our guys ricardo lopez nieves held his breath underwater minute 30 seconds and his son did it for a minute 20 seconds no that's crazy crystal garcia did it for minutes six seconds we were blown away by this how can you do this right well he goes and he prepares for it because he goes to the doctor and says when i'm under water i want to know my body okay at what point does my lung collapse at what point does my brain collapse because it needs oxygen he does research to prepare for the pain that's going to come and then he goes and does it publicly he goes under water for 17 minutes and four seconds that is a method of preparation to know how to handle pressure the reason why i say handling pressure and having mental toughness with preparation is because sometimes if you're going to be doing something and you just kind of put yourself out there say you're playing sports say you're doing business they're about to give a speech i remember one time i'm about to give a speech in front of 150 executives and i really wanted to make a a statement i wanted people to leave and say that guy gave the best message out of everybody the night before one of the executives in atlanta says hey let's go to the local joint you know strip joint all this other stuff i didn't go with him this is all for 50 people go i said i'm good guys i stayed behind i roll played my speech till 3 30 in the morning i was giving it in the morning 10 am i was the one that was speaking i gave my talk by the end of the day everybody was saying who was the best talk patrick they gave the best talk but when i got up in front of these 150 executives that i wanted to make a statement at 25 years old that i'm here to play everybody walked away saying holy moly what happened i was not nervous because i did it so many times the night before in my hyatt hotel in duluth georgia to go and present this to everybody preparation has a lot to do with you knowing how to measure toughness here's the next one for you chadwick boseman just died okay here's a man that did jackie robinson he did black panther the guy's a great speaker he had a story one time when he was getting a job and he says i don't i want to i don't want to do regular roles regular roles for african-american stories i don't want to do that i want to get people to be thinking in a different way typically when they do a role you know the the role kid wasn't raised without a father figure mom was a heroin addict he's saying to this to the producer that i'm not willing to take this role and then he doesn't get the job you know and he says man but i needed the money maybe i should have done something else right and then later on he ends up doing two of the biggest movies and he loses weight and they say oh he's preparing for a movie god colon cancer none of us knew about it let me get this straight he's had colon cancer for four years and the world doesn't know about it aren't we living in a time where you're supposed to expose all your problems at any given moment aren't all these huffington post experts telling people publicize your pain and share it with the world well chadwick boseman says no it's none of your business is my problem it's my pain never use it as an excuse to not make those movies i watch both of them you never made that as an excuse to make black panther and to make jackie rob and a bunch of other things this guy did never showed hurt one way you measure toughness is just look how much people show hurt just look the other day i was doing some interview with somebody and the guy was asking me questions said what do i need to do to get a promotion this was just last week i said you know i don't know if you are going to be here long term with us he says why not i said because every time i look at your face it looks like the end of the world is here you just don't look happy and your attitude doesn't look good and you've been like this for a while and we've asked you why and you seem like you know there's no problems but you're always showing everything on your face why would somebody want to be around somebody like that for too long and you want a promotion attitude goes a long way so again going back to this guy here chadwick boseman rest in peace passes away four years has colon cancer no one knows about it he goes to the doctor that means that this doesn't mean he's not taking care of his body he's going to the doctor but he doesn't advertise his pain sometimes it's just good not to advertise your pain sometimes it's good to not just tell the whole world what you're going through i'm not telling you don't talk about it with a group of people i'm not telling you have some private conversations with certain people i do believe in the ability to have some kind of a form of a release but the way people are doing it right now posting everything on instagram all this other stuff what's the point behind it you need attention is that what you need it's not necessarily mental toughness mental toughness people are not looking for attention mental toughness people are trying to get results a big difference let me continue next one you know life is going to test you every freaking day let me explain to you it's a very weird thing so you could have one week the best week of your life next week something dramatic happens i don't know why life works this way it just does you can have one week everything goes bad next week everything goes good and great that's how life is you're getting tested so sometimes when you're in it and you're going through challenging times here's what you think you think in the moment you are the only person that's going through it it's a problem by the way you when i was going through when i was in that 49 thousand dollars and sat down with my dad i said i'm in debt 49 000 life is tough i want you to bail me on he says i'm gonna give you the best lesson of your life i said what's that he says i'm not paying off your debt you got to figure out a way to pay it off i said what kind of a debt are you i'm not paying off your debt i'll help you here and there but i'm not paying off your forty nine thousand dollars a debt you're gonna figure out a way to pay it off and i hope you don't file bankruptcy because at that point all my friends were following bankruptcy with the credit cards and it's just kind of like let me have a fresh start because you're young you know what he did to me i couldn't stand what he did to me but i was being tested at that time with my debt i was being tested at that time with my girlfriend girl i loved that didn't work out i was being tested at that time with my family i was being tested at that time with in every possible way and i went and parked outside of the army recruiting station about to get out of my mitsubishi eclipse 1990 read i was about to get out and get back in the military now what if in 1999 2000 i got back in the military what if in one i just went back to the military and said this is too hard i'm just gonna go back in the army what if i did that what would i be today you wouldn't know who i am today if i would have gone back in the military but in that moment i was being tested you're gonna be tested in your marriage while you're running a career you're going to be tested with your family with somebody passing away while you're chasing your dreams arnold was going to win mr universe the day before a few days before his father dies he tells his mom i can't make you to the funeral because my dad if he's watching over me he wants me to pursue my dreams i'm going to win mr universe he goes from mr universe and the rest is history this doesn't mean he doesn't love his dad this means he's got a spiritual relationship with his dad to say i don't know what i do in this moment here he goes he wins wieder figures him out becomes mr olympia you know governor all these other things that he does in those moments of the decisions we make when we're getting tested and you feel like you're by yourself that's those are moments where you're measuring your toughness those are moments where you're being tested constantly again there's not a method to say you're 93 tough you're 71 tough we can't do that the only way we can measure toughness at the end of the day is with the results that you end up getting it's really how you end up measuring toughness by the results that you end up getting let me continue here's another one you ever hear people calling someone soft oh he's soft oh she's so soft what is soft i'm asking you what is soft you've heard that before oh he's soft he's a soft player he's soft in business he's soft i was interviewing kobe they laid kobe bryant when he brought up shaq and the whole video and when he said you know if shaq would have practiced as hard as i would we would've won 12 championships it was all over the news everywhere you know people were happy not happy all this stuff shaq was not happy about it i'm blocked by shaq till today by the way because of that what a dumb question to ask you dm me and says what a dumb question to ask about if i had his work ethic right but you know the biggest compliment kobe gave shaq here's the biggest compliment kobe give shaq kobe said shaq was big and mean he says shaq wasn't one of these big guys that was soft he was big and mean he says most big guys you know people don't push them around but shaq was big mean and was willing to throw his weight around he wasn't soft he was tough right big difference what do you how do you define soft soft as someone that doesn't have a backbone as soft as someone when they're cornered and push come to shove they quit soft is someone that claims their values but then when it comes down to tough things happen in their lives they compromise their values soft is somebody that declares their intentions here's what i'm going to do world but then when it gets tough they say no no no i'm going to quit and take the easy way out that's how you define soft you call anybody anything but soft do you understand like how bad of a thing it is to be called soft but a lot of people are soft i have them in my business i've seen in my industry there were many times in life where in my mind i was about to choose the soft decision many times in my life this whole ralph waldo emerson concept about you know the only difference between a hero and average person is the fact that he can take the pain five minutes longer that's the thing so so if you're watching this right now saying how does that relate to me ask yourself how do you react when tough times show up how do you react when you're getting tested how do you react when you have your pain how do you do under pressure you how do you do it and by the way every single time you escape pressure and you say well the next time it happens i'm not going to run no no no that's not how this thing works your memory remembers the last three four times how you handle pressure yeah let me say this one more time your memory remembers how you reacted under pressure the last three four times and it just reacts to the same way you've been doing your entire life so if you say well this didn't work out i'm gonna go to the next thing you're gonna do the same thing again and again and again and again because if you are willing to persevere and those are the people we read about and talk about now a couple other things here to be thinking about when it comes down to this um one night i come home i've been i've been starting my company for a few months already probably 11 months i come home we're pregnant my wife's pregnant we're expecting our first it's exciting times and i come home my wife's in bed tears crying miscarriage if you're writing you've heard me tell this story before she had a miscarriage my checking account is down to 13 000 that's not a lot of money when you run a good company i have nothing else outside of my 13 000 i go outside i'm walking around i'm about to lose everything two competitors came to my office that week and they told me how's it going to feel known when you lose everything and all of these people followed you they failed because of you how's it going to feel that was my nightmare by the way think about that how's it going to feel knowing when everything goes down and you file bk and you lose everything and all these people are scattered all over the place you ruined their dreams because of the decision you made how's that going to feel huh how are you going to and they're trying to shake me one guy came into my office i'd never forget this guy came into my office and he told us to my face and i said who do you think you are i just got into it with them i said you want to come here tell us my face on my turf on my property yeah it's not an easy meeting that i had with them i asked the guy to leave and walk him out to the car told him off you know what's funny nine years later he called me and said can i work for your insurance company nine years later he brought his license to me same guy that said i'm gonna go out of business nine years later he came to me so what happens when you say i am not moving or shaking you're gonna have to kill me to put me out of business there's a certain mindset to that right you're gonna have to kill me to put me out of business i don't know where this comes from that walk that night i walked on i'm praying saying i don't know am i doing something wrong did i what am i doing what am i doing that's offending you if i'm doing something wrong then then do whatever you got to do to put me out of business but i'm going to fight it to the very end and the next you know next week i get a check from aig for a hundred thousand dollars and everything turns and we go from there this doesn't mean it ain't tough times ain't going to show up again this doesn't mean you're not going to win some of these battles but it's not going to happen because of me giving up it's going to happen because i fully went out of business for whatever reasons i'm going to do my fight to the very end i ain't going to quit i'm going to do my that's the mindset pain alone there's nobody i could talk to at that time i can't talk to my dad because if i talk to my daughter my dad said you chose to start a business i can't talk to my wife because it's gonna give her more fear and another miscarriage i can't talk to my sister i can't talk to my peers i can't talk to nobody i can't talk to anybody in the company about the anxiety and the pressures that i have at that time sometimes you got to do that as well when you're going through the business yourself so now those are some of the ones that i talk about let me add another one here that i think it's important to bring up in this session it's overreaction how do you measure toughness you know mental toughness too often we overreact okay something happens you have a follow-up with a co-worker or an employee or a client or this this it's overreaction it's it's flight right off the bat right it's immediate flight right and in those moments you have to ask yourself your track record as i'm going through all this stuff i have a bunch of different notes i'm probably not going to go through all this stuff together with you but i have a bunch of different notes there's going to be some of these things where you're going to sit there and say that one relates to me right this one relates to me another element is being selfish sometimes you just want to quit because it's too much pressure for you you know i have some talented guys i've worked with over the years and every time they quit or they stepped aside for six months or three months they made the selfish decision and they would go about how it is good to be selfish at times but they hurt a lot of people every time they did that why is that because the decision was they didn't want embarrassment so the immediate thing was what flight i understand that believe me i know what it is to want a flight and not want to take all the responsibility because it's because of you that the team is losing you see this a lot in sports you see the salon business you see this a lot in a lot of different places it sucks pressure sucks being tested sucks there's nothing about it when you're in it that's exciting nothing about it that's exciting when you're in it but there's a lot of great things about it when you come out of it there's a lot of exciting things about it when you leave it and all of a sudden you're looking at victories taking place i can't describe that part too so now when you're watching and say pat so how do i how do i how do i build these things for myself how do i build these things for myself we're having a conversation the other day and i'm doing a conference call last tuesday a zoom and i said there is one thing i'm not good with okay and i said what is it i said if there's ever one thing you should never do with me is one thing they said what and i asked one of my uh executives c-suite executive i said marill can you tell everybody what that one thing is and i she doesn't even know i haven't talked to her about it she says never tell pat your goals everybody's like why because if you tell me your goals and what you want to do i take it as you're serious about your goals not me i don't let me say that one more time you tell me pat i want to do xyz then i say you're serious about it absolutely positive yes then i'm gonna hold you to that why'd you tell me shouldn't have told me if you weren't serious about it but you told me i'm gonna hold you to it now i'm holding you to it what are you upset about you told me these were your goals why are you not going after it you said these were your goals well you know this is not that why did you tell me these are your calls i take your word because i believe your word matters because i was raised by a father that said keep your word that's how i was raised so when you tell me your goals i'm assuming you're determined to make those a reality so now you're watching and saying what an annoying quality of a person to work with i understand believe me i'm not disputing that i get it yes sure it's probably an annoying quality to be working with but it is a quality that gets results so moving forward you want to build toughness you want to be known somebody that gets things done and you're not soft the next time you're going to say you're going to do something do it the next time you're going to say going to do something do it the next time you're in a pressure type situation where it sucks and you have the ability to lose and be embarrassed tolerate the pain a little longer go a little longer the next time you're in a moment that you don't really like being in and it's embarrassing go a little longer go a little longer the next time you're going through pressure type situations where you're being tested talk to yourself actually talk to yourself and say hey didn't ralph waldo emerson say the difference between a hero and an average person is that you go five minutes longer i'm gonna go five minutes longer how the hell did david blaine go for 17 minutes and four seconds underwater on oprah winfrey's show and he thought his you know her lungs are going to collapse and his brain is going to be done how did he do it our body can handle a lot of pain that we don't know about i'm going to push my body to that level i'm going to push it i'm going to push it and test my limits that's the beautiful part about life let me test my limits and see what i got going on and then you're going to surprise yourself so many times you're going to win every single time but you're going to surprise yourself so many times while you go through this having said that having said that if this video was a good video for you got another video i want you to watch how to make tough decisions if you've never seen this video it's a video i made about a year ago click over here to watch it and if you've not subscribed to the channel please do so thanks for watching everybody take care bye

Channel: Valuetainment

Views: 334,510

Rating: 4.9550166 out of 5

Keywords: Entrepreneur, Entrepreneurs, Entrepreneurship, Entrepreneur Motivation, Entrepreneur Advice, Startup Entrepreneurs, valuetainment, patrick bet david, pain tolerance, increasing pain tolerance, how to toughen up, getting thougher, how to become more successful, traits of successful people

Id: smTAQCQ9Hcs

Length: 21min 25sec (1285 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 01 2020