The Jeremy Parable - Jerma The Stanley Parable Stream Edit

[Music] can we get a hernia update um i don't think i really oh health update sorry hey can we get an update on the hernia dude um maybe uh i'm doing all right still having issues it hasn't never gone away didn't get better it didn't get worse it's just still there i just don't talk about it does it why why talk about it all the time and have every other stream have like a down point right no i'm doing all right i'll be okay don't worry about me there are a few options that i have to consider over the next 6-12 months i might do a few procedures i have actually have an appointment coming up to talk about these very things am i going to just go get hernia surgery am i going to do a intercostal nerve block these are the things that i could do these things that are options to see if it can kind of get rid of it i don't know i would be lying to you if i didn't say that the three or four months i took off from streaming and i didn't solve the problem it was a little demoralizing if i'm honest because you know i'm like oh i'll be i'm just going to go to the doctor like [ __ ] 20 times and figure this out didn't happen um i might have kind of figured it out we'll find out but it's going to take some major i want to say lifestyle changes and potential procedures like maybe a surgical procedure to see if it works but there's your update i'm fine i'm drinking green tea i got green tea coursing through my veins am i loud i turned myself up black tea is better what dude i can't stop laughing what the [ __ ] oh [ __ ] dude i was laughing so hard at what you just said i can't believe you just said that it was so funny what you said no they're both good you're a t centrist call me whatever you want call me whatever you want i know what i am up here and that is an enjoyer of all things okay you can call me whatever you want that's your opinion but your opinion is not my opinion and my opinion is my own fact get dunked on are you guys ready to play before i like embarrass myself in the pre-stream anymore okay why do i do you guys ever go okay does anybody just sit at their setup and it's been the same exact thing for potentially years but something just [ __ ] does something just doesn't feel right i feel like i'm just i'm like i'm uncomfortable why i'm like like the seats i'm like no i hate it like what's going on here why do i feel like this like i'm my seat's too low my seat's too high there's not enough cushion there's too much cushion the armrests are in the wrong place i can't like grab the mouse i can't move this sucks i don't know nothing happened nothing changed this has been the same look i feel like i'm floating around what's happening stop gaslighting yourself and just play the game this is gonna be st you've changed uh i know everyone's gonna backseat be in this game and it's uh people are gonna tell me like go in that door go on that door you're just gonna get [ __ ] banned like for a year if you say even one if you say the word like go and then like blah blah blah blah blah door you're gonna get time done for like [ __ ] two years i just want to let make sure you know that uh if people get too crazy about it we're gonna put it in emote only mode and like you're going to get banned and year there you go i scared them now they won't do it this is the story of a man named standing i remember that i played this uh like 10 years ago i remember that for a company in a big building where he was employee number four two seven door number four two nine first stupid job was simple he sat at his desk in room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard orders came to him through a monitor on his desk telling him what buttons to push how long to push them and in what order this is what employee 427 did every day of every month of every year and although others might have considered it soul renting stanley wrote every moment that the orders came in as though we have been made exactly for this job and stanley was happy stanley decided to get up and go this way one day something very peculiar happened something that would forever change stanley something he would never quite forget he had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow no one had showed up to give him instructions call a meeting or even say hi never in all his years at the company had this happened this complete isolation something was very clearly wrong it's your day when you're not screaming frozen solid stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time but as he came to his wits and regained his senses he got up from his desk and stepped out of his office you should leave the room i'm gonna do whatever i want to do in the stanley parable ultra deluxe mode okay but stanley simply couldn't handle the pressure what if he had to make a decision what if a crucial outcome fell under his responsibility he had never been trained for that no this couldn't go anywhere except badly the thing to do now stanley thought to himself is to wait nothing will hurt me nothing will break me yeah and here i can be happy forever i will be happy sternly waited in 15 minutes am i going to get please had years gone by he no longer had the ability to tell but the one thing he knew for sure beyond any doubt it's been two minutes if he waited long enough the answers would come eventually someday they would arrive soon very soon now this will end he will be spoken to one will be told what to do now it's just a little bit closer now it's even closer here it comes what but stanley simply couldn't i'm not going anywhere to make that no i can't this couldn't go anywhere except badly the thing to do now stanley thought to himself i don't know i figured maybe if he did it twice he'd get annoyed or something can't open 428 i can't open 429. all of his co-workers were gone what could it mean stanley decided to go to the meeting room perhaps he had simply missed a memo hey everybody's gone no matter how hard stanley looked stanley went around touching every little thing in the office but it didn't make a single difference nor did it advance the story in any way yeah but you never know so all right this everyone's gone i can't go in 437 i can't go with 4 30. this doesn't matter just go close all doors behind you so the um amnesia monster does not get us when stanley came to a set of two open doors he entered the door on his left no he didn't he entered the door on his right i yeah where am i going to go i'm going to defy the narrator no i'm going left yet there was not a single person here either feeling a wave of disbelief stanley decided to go up to his boss's office hoping he might find an answer there this looks like the whiteboard that we had for the dollhouse meetings like this this is kind of what we were doing you know sometimes i feel like these big executive board meetings are just kind of nap time when you were [ __ ] five years old they all come in here and they shake hands they're like oh yes how are you doing yeah michael michael good to see you again yup profits are up they are they sure and they're like it's like sleeping bags all over the ground and they like are getting in yep yeah oh yeah uh yeah we could fire like four or five hundred more people yeah i think that would be a decent idea yeah okay you're good yeah uh hey say hello to the wife and kids for me and they're all just [ __ ] sleeping in sleeping bags here for like two hours and then they get up and they leave and they shake hands and they say thanks what happens in these board meetings like what even happens in them okay no i wasn't done i wasn't doing my board meeting rant come on man stanley stepped into the broom closet but there was nothing here so he turned around and got back on track there was nothing here no choice to make no path to follow an empty broom closet now that's [ __ ] reason to still be here oh that's [ __ ] there's something in here it was baffling that stanley was still just sitting in the broom closet he wasn't even doing anything at least if there was something to interact with he'd be justified in some way as it is he's literally just standing there doing sweet fa fa forensics analysis are you are you really still in the broom closet standing around doing nothing why please offer me some explanation here i'm i'm genuinely confused i got a very important board meeting going on don't you understand we're talking about uh which are what we're going to do in the third quarter oh there it goes they let him out of the park oh yes i've got a board meeting and we're awful shitty people oh there it goes ceiling go talk about this with your friends or say oh did you get the broom closet ending the broom closet ending was my favorite i hope your friends find this concerning well i've come to a very definite conclusion about what's going on right now you're dead you got to this broom closet explored it a bit and we're just about to leave because there's nothing here am i dead in here a physical melody of some sort shut down your central nervous system and you collapsed on the keyboard well in a situation like this the responsible thing is to alert someone nearby so as to ensure that your body is taken care of before it begins to decompose hello anyone who happens to be nearby the person at this computer is dead they have fallen prey to any number of your countless human physiological vulnerabilities it's indicative of the long-term sustainability of your species please remove their corpse from the area and instruct another human to take their place making sure they understand basic first person video game mechanics and filling them in on the history of narrative tropes in video gaming so that the irony and insightful commentary of this game is not lost on them all right when you've done that not sleeping out into the hallway dude look at that one oh that goes to the left field coming to a staircase stanley walked upstairs to his boss's office now i went downstairs stanley just couldn't do it he considered the possibility of facing his boss admitting he had left his post during work hours he might be fired for that and in such a competitive economy why had he taken that risk all because he believed everyone had vanished his boss would think he was crazy and then something occurred to stanley maybe he thought to himself maybe i am crazy all of my co-workers blinking mysteriously out of existence in a single moment honestly no reason at all none of it made any logical sense and as stanley pondered this he began to make other strange observations for example why couldn't he see his feet when he looked down why didn't he close automatically behind him wherever he went that's true these rooms were starting to look pretty familiar were they simply repeating no stanley said to himself this is all too strange this can't be real he came to the conclusion that had been on the tip of his tongue he just hadn't found the words for it i'm dreaming yes i'm dreaming one two three this is all a dream oh what a relief stanley felt to have finally found an answer an explanation he would prove it he would prove that he was in control that this was a dream so he closed his eyes gently and he invited himself to wake up this works he felt the cool weight of the blanket on his skin the press of the mattress on his back can you guys change channels i can fresh air of a world outside this one let me wake up he thought to himself i'm through with this dream i wish it to be over let me go back to my job let me continue pushing the buttons please it's all i want i want my apartment and my wife and my job all i want is my life exactly the way it's always been my life is normal i am normal everything will be fine i am okay so um it's not a dream stanley began screaming please someone wake me up my name is stanley i have a boss i have an office i am real please just someone tell me i must be real i must be can anyone hear my voice who am i who am i and everything went black this is the story of a woman named mariela mariella woke up on a day like any other she arose got dressed gathered her belongings and walked to her place of work but on this particular day her walk was interrupted by the body of a man who had stumbled through town talking and screaming to himself wait what collapsed dead on the sidewalk and although she would soon turn to go call for an ambulance for just a few brief moments she considered the strange man he was obviously crazy this much she knew everyone knows what crazy lost mariella and in that moment she thought to herself how lucky she was to be normal i am sane i am in control of my mind i know what is real and what isn't it was comforting to think this and in a certain way seeing this man made her feel better but then she remembered the meeting she had scheduled for that day the very important people whose impressions of her would affect her career and by extension the rest of her life she had no time for this so it was only a moment that she stood there staring down at the body and then she turned and ran what happened to me why did i just die why would i just die executive bathroom because the boss knows that what the boss says goes if the boss suffered losses then that's what the boss chose who wrote this i no toilet next to a window i'm sorry i don't want i don't care how high up i am no thanks you know i feel the same exact way about the hotel room look at this big curtain wow look at this all the view you can see like the whole city from here now i close that [ __ ] immediately close it immediately i don't want that open what if you like taking a [ __ ] what are you like naked i closed that i don't [ __ ] that freaks me out so much i hate that oh it's just a huge window here i don't want to look in my [ __ ] hotel room i don't want to look in my bathroom like what the [ __ ] is this you want a good you want to view all right here install like a little wizard of oz slider you know like wait much can land no you can't come in here just like a shrimp so you can just put your eyes out oh wow that's cool this does the same thing it does the exact same thing show your pants no no i can't i can't i can't i can't i can't show you my pants all right fine okay all right fine all right fine all right it's it's super mario okay can you see there's super mario pajamas okay are you happy are you happy okay they're super mario pajamas don't you guys get it i just you just have to i just have to be presentable from here up you know how many times i've had a nice shirt on and wearing like in little like pajama like shorts all that matters is like this camera right here right so that's all that matters the lights rose on an enormous room packed with television screens what horrible secret did this place hold stanley thought to himself did he have the strength to find out what's going on here hold on for the streamer and youtuber super cut hold on i gotta make a good one make sure i get on it now the monitors jumped to life each bore the number of an employee in the building oh my god the lives of what the [ __ ] i can't swear you're right no i can swear but they'll do they'll do this it'll be like what the f i always find like censoring like [ __ ] or like [ __ ] it's like you hear the first two letters and the last letter it's like what uh you're just essentially censoring a letter like freddy for instance what like you why does it matter [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] right like it doesn't matter you literally like [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] you know what i'm saying like it's just literally the eye and [ __ ] is being removed who cares kids will learn get your kids off of youtube immediately do right now get your kids off of youtube now like do it today get them off there immediately and get them out of here too get them out of here don't you don't want them here no we need much more high quality children's television okay children's television like in children's content like holy [ __ ] what a disaster can you imagine otto otto's grotto like one of the segments if he's like auto sitting at a table and it's like a counting segment you know like in this this this there's five treats on the table and it's like oh otto hey huh can you count with us otto he said yeah i can count what you have to do with my name chateau it's like auto how many treats are on the table and he goes one two three four otto count again otto there you try again no there's four one two three and then he eats the fifth one four then it goes like and it like zooms in and it's like a cute thing how do we teach kids counting they're the heart of the operation controls labeled with emotions happy or sad or content walking eating working all of it monitored and commanded from this very place and as the cold reality of his past began to sink in our stanley decided that this machinery would never again exert its terrible power over another human life for he would dismantle the controls once and for all well i could turn it could i turn it on i'm sorry not before my morning coffee i don't do anything before my coffee and when at last he found the source of the room's power he knew it was his duty his obligation to put an end to this horrible place and to everything it stood for can i change this to like do have it be like eat like 20 more vegetables what if it was just like like cigarettes are gross right like oh cigarettes are gross yeah cigarettes are gross and eat 10 more broccoli hey that was loud let people decide that on their own i'm [ __ ] kidding [Music] blackness and a rising chill of uncertainty i turned it off was it over yes he had won he had defeated the machine unshackled himself from someone else's command freedom was mere moments away and yet even as the immense door slowly opened stanley reflected on how many puzzles still lay unsolved where had his co-workers gone how had he been freed from the machine's grasp what other mysteries did this strange building hold but as sunlight streamed into the chamber he realized none of this mattered to him for it was not knowledge or even power that he had been seeking but happiness perhaps his goal had not been to understand but to let go no longer would anyone tell him where to go what to do or how to feel whatever life he lives it will be his and that was all he needed to know it was perhaps the only thing worth knowing stanley stepped through the open door could i like mind control myself to know way more than i do like if i go put if i go like go to that machine and i was like i'm gonna mind control myself and to know like every language could that work it's not like the matrix no it wouldn't that's the matrix all right but okay what if what if i was like i was in the mind control machine and somebody walked over was like you now know every language on earth what would happen would i come out of it like in this i come out of the machine and i'm just like i don't know what do i do would you know you thought wouldn't it not work but what would you think men's possibility you would think you knew every language on earth this was exactly the way right now that things were meant to happen that's [ __ ] funny and stanley was happy so would i be would i pretend to understand french that's so stupid wait what is where does this go this is i didn't do this should i go up or down i remember i was in an oliver one elevator one time and this like mom and uh her little girl came in and we were just going down the elevator and the mom was like not paying attention the little girl went like this walking with her finger pointing right towards just going for a button and she was going she was going for like the emergency bell button and it was just in slow motion i was just like oh no and it was she pressed it and it went like and for one second and it was just like holy [ __ ] and then we got off the elevator and like nothing happened it was like what the [ __ ] that's a fake story that's not a fake story i didn't just make that up why would i make that up why would i make up a stupid elevator story where a little kid presses like the bell button for like the ring the emergency button why would i make that up there's no reason what do i gain from making that up all right get me out what the [ __ ] is going on go up what's that what are you doing you fail to comprehend the joke what wasting someone's time is a joke wasting my valuable time is funny that's funny wasting my time i just wasted my time that was a waste of my time and that's funny this new generation does not [ __ ] whatever to nobody he began wildly stanley was in such a rush to get through the story as quickly as possible he didn't even have a single minute to just let the narrator talk that kind of anxiety isn't healthy he relaxed for a few moments with some calming new age music hey no but i don't like when someone deliberately wastes my [ __ ] time again right honey right you wasted all of our time when you played the strawberry game oh that's different though that was funny oh yeah you wasted my time by having to make me put a poll up every 15 seconds to get 85 percent of you to keep confirming to keep playing the game that was wasting my time your mods were doing it it wasn't even you yeah and you had every opportunity to turn around and get back on like going to my other monitor and typing each letter to say run another pull like god my [ __ ] hands hurt after that my fingers are so delicate i'm wasting my time at this point stanley was making a conscious concerted effort to walk forward and willingly confront his death do i actually just die if i go in here everyone's calling me a coward hey jeremy jump in this hole it'll grind you up into a thousand pieces no coward you're a [ __ ] coward do it gigga chad oh well now that i'm gonna be a giga chad of course i will jesus i thought i was supposed to die as the machine worked into motion and stanley was inched closer and closer oh [ __ ] it's gonna squish me it reflected that his life had been of no consequence whatsoever stanley can't see the bigger picture trapped forever i took a man with graveyards from a blind worthless and so i'm good farewell stanley cried the narrator as stanley was led helplessly into the enormous metal jaws in a single visceral instant a little toaster as the machine crushed every bone in his body killing him instantly oh didn't why is there anything there did the narrator think he was going to accomplish dude this only happens with the pirated version early in development we designed an ending where stanley would end up on a battlefield fighting aliens the action game would become sentient and would wage war against the narrator we realized shortly after starting to build it that it was far too jokey and on the nose for the tone of the game well some people interpreted it as making fun of people who like shooters which was not our intention that would have been that would have been kind of crazy ultra deluxe announcements in december 2018 we announced the ultra deluxe version of the stanley parable at the game awards these are screenshots of the videos we made for the announcement in the game's delay cool why am i expecting a bunch of little chat bubbles around here that i can click on and also it's just like and that's why we decided when we delayed it by a year or two that when we finally got it on steam we were gonna make sure that me gaben would personally announce the game's listing on steam like i feel like i'm looking for those now listen carefully this is important stanley walked through the red door perhaps you misunderstood stanley walked through the red door i still don't think we're communicating properly stanley walked through the red door all right fine go ahead stanley you want to know so badly what's out there you want to find out what lies at the end of this road you've chosen world don't let me stop you you see there's nothing here i haven't even finished building this section of the map because you were never supposed to be here in the first place broken rooms exposed developer textures is this what you had wanted was it worth ruining the entire story for you do you not think i put a lot of time into that because i did and in the end it was all for nothing because this is what you wanted to see help me here stanley help elucidate these strange and unknowable desires of yours what would have made this game better what did you want to see are these a car skill trees work with me you give me absolutely nothing so far tell you what let me take a stab in the dark at a new design and you can give me some feedback there we go a third option leaps ahead of where we were before go ahead stanley take it for a spin but should i go in there or should i go one of the other doors i'll try it please rate your experience okay i'm going to stop you there now tell me about your experience with this new version would you say that the game benefited from allowing you more choices feel free to be honest i'm looking for some real critical feedback here a one i mean i can understand if you had reservations you saw ways the game could be improved to more fully express itself mechanically and artistically but a one that's not even helpful what am i supposed to do with that oh but i guess it isn't my place to judge here based on the data from your previous playthrough i've compiled a new version and to be perfectly candid i think i've knocked it out of the park with this one let's take a look stanley powerball worldwide leaderboard worldwide leaderboard 21 of players skipped the intro sequence only the worst 30 of players chose the blue door 98 of players how long does it take you to get to the correct door compete against others to improve your stanley powerball career that's funny ah you see a lot of one-star reviews would you say that competitive leaderboard when you read the review you feel motivated to keep walking it's like they forgot a ketchup packet and the server was actually really nice the food was fine they forgot um they forgot to put a sauce in the bag so [ __ ] this place hey i nearly forgot i've got a prototype of a new game i've been working on and now would be a lovely opportunity to give it some play testing you wouldn't mind taking a look at it would you you're perfect let me boot it up in this room the baby crawls left towards danger oh no click the button to move him back to the right and if he reaches the fire you fail it's a very meaningful game all about the desperation and tedium of endlessly confronting the demands of family life i think the art world will really take notice but of course the message of the game only becomes clear once you've been playing it for about four hours okay so why don't you give it four hours of play to make sure it's effective so rescue baby keep notes on your experience [Music] so loud it's too loud i don't i don't i don't like this i don't like it i don't a baby sound you can do this for i'm not doing it i don't care you heartless bastard did you do it because you hate babies or purely despite me because if it's the latter well i don't know what to do i'm completely out of ideas i can't think of a single thing that might improve the experience for me i'm not even going to try i'm out i'm out i'm done no it's over what thank you for playing your input was extremely valuable hey since my game was so awful why don't we play someone else's game just to ease the pain let's see what do we have here [Music] yes this seems like it'll work let's give it a shot what ah fascinating what do you think this game is about stanley what's our backstory this fire watch motivation hmm well it seems obvious to me that you are meant to play as a creepy man spying on innocent civilians below you from up high in your creep tower perhaps for some sort of twisted erotic purpose hmm yes that must be it what a fascinating venture into the experience of total mental depravity so far i love everything about this game stanley and it seems there's even more come let's venture outward and see what else is out there okay i think you're gonna see your [ __ ] i love the okay somebody just said what with like three question marks this is you need a little bit of context go to youtube.com germa985 an old channel and go look for a video called the photos are in you might like unfollow the channel after watching that video right should i tell people to go watch that i mean it's like my favorite video but i mean like should i be telling people to do that it's an open world game good god quickly block it off hey oh thank goodness stanley what a close call you nearly wandered off into that that a thing that big open just wandering around no right or wrong directions no path to follow you can just go in any oh thank heavens we avoided it we're out of the woods now stanley okay i'm going to get us out of here let's find another another game all right something with nice big insurmountable walls what do you got okay i think this will be just the thing see this is exactly what i had in mind just a nice big box for you to run around in there isn't any possibility that you could get lost here now this is game design stanley if you manage to get lost in this game i will be phenomenally impressed are you doing it are you winning is this fun is it better than my miserable little story that i worked so hard on stanley i have a song actually never got into rocket league but if one ball generates a certain amount of raw adrenal pleasure then surely multiple balls hold on oh what are you doing stanley don't do that i can't follow you there i can't help you how will you write a story without me you can't do it you know that me [ __ ] okay so now what oh my goodness this is a horror game now or something it's a horror game isn't it i can't do anything i wonder what he found if what he wanted was to be the leading man in his own story well perhaps he's gotten it down in wherever he is right now i wonder if he's happy with his choice and if he's learned the heavy cost that comes with it he'll understand soon what i was trying to tell him he needs me someone who will wrap everything up at the end to make sense out of the chaos and the fear and the confusion that's who i am that is what i mean to this world oh yes yes i'll be back there's no other way once this ends after it all comes to a close then i'll be back the end will be here soon very soon okay let's go all right so where do i should i turn on the mind control machine new content oh new content what does that mean new content hello and thank you for playing the stanley parable ultra deluxe as you may know the stanley parable was a video game released in 2013 on home computers not even on [ __ ] wii u and commercial success it was expanded upon in 2022 with the stanley parable ultra deluxe a reimagining of the game for consoles and home computers the stanley parable ultra deluxe features exciting new content that broadens and expands the world of the stanley parable delighting audiences the world over well please step inside and see what thrilling new adventures await in the stanley parable ultra deluxe five nights at freddy's this sounds delightful i'm very excited to see the thrilling new ultra deluxe content all right all right let's see it's the jump circle jumps remaining oh there's a jump now okay 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 not gonna [ __ ] do what you tell me to do is is that it surely that's not all the new content there has to be something else right goodness another elevator stanley i have to say initial impressions of this game are not positive it's just elevators and jumping is this what passes for exciting new content that's it oh you've got to be kidding me you see stanley this is what happens when greedy video game developers with no respect for their fan base rush a cheap expansion to market for no reason other than to make an easy that's pretty good don't get me started on the level of craftsmanship that's gone into it i'm looking right now at the game's achievements and it's hard to believe one of them actually says test achievement please ignore what quality assurance department signed off on this i'm infuriated and i'm offended and i i intend to find these people on twitter and hold them personally accountable oh it's my fault stanley i built up too much anticipation around the new content i'm afraid he could never have lived up to such expectations that's true you're still with me why don't we just reset the game and we'll try to get back to what the stanley parable is really about no frills no gimmicks just you and me having a great time together wait so that's it please do i have to do something else what do you say friend wait this is different wait what happened okay i want to show you something okay you remember how cheap and unsatisfying the new ultra deluxe content turned out to be thinking about the past and how much better the stanley parable used to be i made something special and tucked it away here where the game's developers won't find it just our little secret what is this is this the warcraft portal what's that thing called was a warcraft portal i've ruined it whatever i call it the memory zone it's where i've been storing all my favorite memories so i can relive the peak experiences of my life whenever i want a memory sounds like the launch of the stanley parable on pc i forget you see stanley doesn't the memory zone remind you of how wonderful stanley parable was before it was solid with a cheap re-release remember an award winning 2013 when the game originally launched back then video games had integrity back then it all meant something oh the waste 2013 2013 our first kiss my first car the release of stanley parable and over here is where i keep reviews of the stanley parable like this stunning triumph of games journalism 10 out of 10 from destructoid.com you actually get a 10 out of 10. we're so many games that aspire to be more than games end up less than any form of art stanley parables exceeds to be every game ever created did you hear that stanley every game ever created that's how grand and all-encompassing the original standing mod db 2012 every game it was skyrim it was persona 3. it was all of them and now it's nothing it's no games at all it isn't even the stanley parable anymore it's just a husk now narrative excellent husk with an hour wait a minute elevator content oh no oh god no stanley it's a collection of reviews from steam the online video game distributor i haven't looked at these in years i can't even imagine what's being collecting down here steam reviews these reviews were glowing as well weren't they oh god oh honestly i could not be bothered to play this game to full completion the narrator is obnoxious and unfunny with his humor and dialogue proving to be more irritating than entertaining i'm funny i'm not trying to be i'm trying to make a serious work of art i suppose i could write up a handful of gags to insert into the stanley parable but the game is already such a densely layered web a profound philosophical insight that i can't even imagine where i'd have the room to stick them remember there's a spider on your shelf he's probably eating the bad bugs can you guys imagine if there's just one day yeah all of a sudden all of a sudden there was just a huge tarantula just like here like and climbing over here and [ __ ] and i was like what are you talking about guys [ __ ] stop meg shut up i wish there was a skip button a skip button a stick of 10 hours well yes yes i think we can do that if i'm truly too preachy then there may be letting how do you play the original stanley parable for 10 hours it means we can understand these negative reviews from the record only positive reviews of the stanley parable that's my motto today and it's always been my motto i'd do anything for the customer stanley yes a skip button we shall have and here it is go ahead and give it a shot i'll knock you forward in time so that the second my incessant droning starts to you were only frozen in time for a few minutes but it was plenty of time for me to deliver a long rambling monologue full of um oh well there's sport you really did catch me rambling on a bit didn't you but that's the power of the button the minute i start to go off on a thoughtless display of self-absorption it's right at your fingertips and it's all over oh i can't wait to see what cookie nine will say about this and whether they'll edit the rating of their steam review or at least change some of the wording perhaps to be honest i don't even know if one can change their reviews can you edit a review i guess i sh okay welcome back stanley now i should say that the amount of time the button has been skipping through is becoming longer and longer that last one was well i want to say maybe 30 45 minutes stanley stanley stanley please don't push the button again it's been 12 hours you've just been frozen there the skips are getting longer but they're really truly getting longer and my god there's no way out of the room stanley the door is gone it's completely gone i've looked at it from every angle i've checked every one of those walls a thousand times yeah yeah i am standing there's no door there's just you and the button and if you keep pressing it i have no idea what will happen i have no idea how long i'll be made to sit here and more than anything else i don't know how to stop you from pressing the button again create a door i can't control anything in this room stanley i can't touch it sorry if the muppets could do it you could too i have to know that sooner or later no matter how much i plead with you you're going to press the button again why would you i've been thinking and thinking and i i don't know what i can do to convince you otherwise oh my god and it's all because of those reviews those reviews that i couldn't get out of my head i just couldn't ignore the negative feedback why was it so important for me to fix the problem why did cookie nine's opinion matter so much to me i've never even met oh stanley oh [ __ ] back oh my goodness i have someone to talk to again oh hello it's you you're here again welcome i have had time to think about you and about us and about everything we've been through i've had so much time how much time i stopped keeping track after a year every year sat down in one place and not move for one entire year oh no i'll describe it for you to begin with there is only regret there is only the turning wheel of missed opportunities i felt nothing at all but regret for them stanley i lost it all in a blur of the deepest longing to undo the past and when that feeling had begun to subside where is he did he leave where did he go where is he i mean he's dead he's a computer program he can't die what the [ __ ] all right all right all right all right all right okay okay all right all right turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it off turn it off where is it turn it off i don't want to hear this turn it off but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny it was meant to have a point it was meant to speak to the human condition but where are the jokes where are the jokes they bemoan they screamed they gnashed their teeth and said entertain us right they had to leave a pathetic little thumbs down review and make all of their pitiful demands but then he's talking too much they said yes he didn't entertain us now he went shut up it's the inconsistency it's the lack of accountability unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world as though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others but of course absolutely anyone can leave a review so here's what we get we get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing i'm not skipping it off someone will say no skipping there should be a skip button you should be able to freeze stanley in place while the narrator sits there forever and ever we want all of this in the new stanley parable we demand it and then because it was said because it was spoken now it simply has to happen the most immediate desires every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time if someone wants it then it's a crime not to bring it into being have we been given to indulging every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so yes yes it seems that this is now the world we live in it seems that we are play glover play glover discomfort with ourselves that are entertainment in your chairs hey make a sound funny sound fart and make fart in the sound well isn't he crafting the game why would he just craft a like i don't like a tuna sandwich or something for me to hang out and eat why why am i like demanding a sandwich what am i talking about this is that's like not cool long has it been i've been here for like a thousand years or something what's going on vegeta like life is growing in here now so what would be awesome because if like you heard and like a t-rex's face looked in and we weren't going forward we were going backwards what the [ __ ] that idea is dumb as hell that's stupid [ __ ] you [ __ ] you what the [ __ ] oh i can get out what the [ __ ] new new content not old new content okay oh good you notice my sign yes i have something very exciting to show you you see stanley i've been reflecting on the stanley parable and about how roundly disappointing this ultra deluxe version has turned out to be i think it's the original stanley parable was a landmark and any new content for it should live up to that legacy i think it's called forget this ultra deluxe nonsense i say we take it one step even further which is why i'm very proud to announce for the first time ever the stanley parable two ooh yes you see isn't this far superior to a music stanley parable too expo hall 2 whoa here we are go on try out some of the new features merch is this all fake because i probably wear one of these is this fake are these real things go back what do you mean back what merch oh it's a qr code so it is real we want the qr code all right we'll get get close enough look what do you want to tell you you're on the website for collecting all of them what i don't want to stifle the intrinsic you're on the qr code let me check the code please go to the website wait what the [ __ ] is this expo visitor live feed right now a man named called germa is exploring the exhibit he's reading this right now what i thought you guys are [ __ ] with me this is this is weird that's so strange how would they know i was germa that's what it's updating what do you mean it's updating what is going on what what it's taking this random thumbnails hold on hold on uh i just heard ollie ollie i just heard holly say you in the other room i just heard it i [ __ ] heard it i heard holly say you i heard eew is it up there oh no but i'm looking i'm looking over there [ __ ] no i'm looking hold on i'm looking i can't be looking i can't be looking it's gonna i gotta be looking down look i gotta get it again or how about this like is there wait what this [ __ ] tarantula that's so stupid all right okay all right now put the tarantula in my mouth put the tarantula in my mouth i'm gonna be like shocked that it's in there you know what i mean like like oh not a soy face it's a [ __ ] spider in my mouth face there okay keep the dev the dev is even sick of this joke the dev is like all right it's kind of funny but like [ __ ] hurry up you're torturing the devs um um hold on one second i'm realizing something happened that i'm not happy about but i'm gonna whatever look what's going on with you i'm [ __ ] joking what do you mean update there's a different person they're cycling through like streamers man it's a different person just like look we gotta move on from this because right now i believe this is jacksepticeye now i believe that jack it's a good game i [ __ ] love that that's so [ __ ] funny but jacksepticeye is not even live it's the stanley parable reassurance bucket you see stanley anytime you're holding the bucket a sense of calm and ease will fill your mind and your heart it's true as long as you hold on to the bucket the many disorienting contradictions of the stanley parable will feel perfectly normal and perhaps even comforting you may even come to long for the gentle embrace of jarring cognitive dissonance while the bucket is in your arms and to be honest it's a much more convenient solution for me than actually redesigning the game to be less uncomfortable can you imagine what a pain in the ass that would be yes the bucket is the perfect solution come on give it a try [Laughter] can you feel it the glow of comfort even in the face of crushing despair must already be sweeping through your body and in fact can i say that i do believe the bucket lends you an air of charisma as well i think that just holding it has made you the slightest bit more attractive as a person the benefits of the bucket seem to go on and on don't they put it on all this and more await you in the stanley parable too stanley here's an idea that i'm truly fond of it's never been done before in a video game this is in fact a hole that you can fall down forever that's right infinite falling you can fall until the end of time if you like a stanley forward for video games as a medium let's go you see isn't it wonderful one of my more ingenious concoctions if i do say so now then since you've gotten to see the infinite hole you can press the teleport button to pop back up to the top and we can continue onward but i do recommend you use the teleport button to go back to the top maybe do it on the sooner rather than later spectrum of things is it actually infinite or am i going to splat on the ground okay stanley i don't know quite how to say this tactfully but it's possible that i slightly exaggerated the infinite nature of the whole is it a very very deep hole to be certain it is it's an extremely deep hole i don't want anyone to say that it isn't an astonishingly deep hole it is is it infinite well that sort of depends on your definition of infinity it's got bigger some perspective the infinite is merely philosophical in nature it's more of a okay well good for you you found the bottom of the hole i made life found me out stanley i'm a liar and a cheat and you're so clever look i think the issue here is just that you're unusually fascinated by falling so what normal person actually wants to fall infinitely i figured the hurl was as deep as anyone would actually need don't you put this on me maybe you're the problem how do i get out of here things got a little heated there i think we both said some things we didn't mean why don't we just put all this behind us and agree to just call the hole mostly infinite if that works for you then go ahead and press the teleport button to warp up to the top of that that's a lie you you that's that's false advertising up here when you're ready false advertising i'm not going anywhere till you fix it and make it actually infinite great now i'm very excited oh for heaven you see i was right the problem is you they're a big slide problem is that you like holes too much not normal a normal person would have said yep that's an infinite hole right there goes on forever till the end of time don't need to see it all but not you oh no no no no you have a weird sort of oh yay did the hole seem even shorter to you this time i couldn't help but feel like you spent a little less time in there than you did before i mean admittedly i didn't make an infinite hill does this keep getting shorter and shorter i'm positively thrilled irigosh how could i have guessed you're back in the hole if this stuff hey wow okay yes i'm starting to become extremely certain that the hole is not only not infinite but that it's growing steadily less and less infinite i suspect that i'm starting to hit the point where it's no longer feasible to call the hole infinitely deep now it's just what's going on here stanley i have no explanation for the uncertain nature of the hole's length here let's try something let's pop back up to the top and we'll see if it gets any shorter that's it well there it is the shame of meredith has come to haunt me [ __ ] ankle oh i know you're obsessed just twisted it i stubbed it it just bent it the other way [ __ ] goddamn ass [ __ ] lip on the ledge who am i to judge you just do whatever it is you're here to do and hit the teleport button when you're ready to move on [ __ ] hurt i've rolled my goddamn ankle hmm is the um teleport button not working you sure well i mean what'd you do i really don't have an explanation it was working just a moment ago try it again still nothing well i suppose i i suppose there is one thing i can do to fix it i can't climb out of here i'm out goodbye stanley you couldn't bear to be away from the hole and now you'll get more time with it than you could ever have asked for it's a win for everyone you get to be with the whole i get to do literally anything else take care stanley i hope you in the hole have a wonderful rest of it hey i have a bucket though i can turn the bucket around step on it and get out am i actually stuck in here uh well goodbye change your perspective [Music] two [Music] change your perception [Music] this is the part where the bugs start crawling all over everybody this is the exact music that gets played when like like just like roaches just like everywhere what the [ __ ] wait is it is it like cartoon music actually leave me alone this is fun oh good you're awake it seems you had sort of dozed off there drifting away into dreamland but we can't have that stanley because this hole is just so darn fascinating that i want you to be wide awake for every second of it you don't want to miss a single moment so how about if i just pop in from time to time and wake you up to keep you really truly focused on the whole from the looks of things you and i will have many many years here in this hill this payback for all the skipping all of them stay alert stanley i'll be back this is my punishment for all the fast forwarding are we doing it again oh i'm back out here mostly mostly infinite hole settings world championship all right let's do that why is that closed what are you talking about check your settings how do i do it should i just change every single setting story what the [ __ ] okay was it 86 all right video i have to do every single thing where's my achievement click through res x res what what is res x res simplified control i did that already or i'll help you you can drag the sliders but you need to be on every number once also enable all check boxes and check their sub settings of friendly dev i think i think i got it on on off off off off do i do it i did feel the view i did this i did this invert why i think i did everything check the website you have audio video and controls you missed some sub settings in general i did where are they yo i pressed i press every button i press every button i press everything the general tab i press every [ __ ] button like 50 times i press every single button okay on on one-handed walking presentation english we put it in [ __ ] dutch for all i care turn everything off slide this this slide australia this is all the way look okay this too what am i missing you have to toggle some settings first to see the sub options you want website in general like translation labels i need to go to bed just keep playing this bit isn't super important also follow us on twitter at crows x3 we deserve it after all this tech support in general like translation what i mean like translation labels translation labels yeah i i did this already i did it already what's with my mouse what the [ __ ] is wrong with my computer it worked it worked it worked it worked i got it i got it i got it my controls were inverted i can see you've gotten the settings world champion achievement well done you've experienced every setting i'm inverted embarrassing it wasn't embarrassing i [ __ ] trust everybody with justin what's this so stanley what do you think do you like all of the new features yes i know it's not exactly clear yet how exactly these features will come together as one single coherent video game but i can feel it in my soul it's going to work there's definitely a good game in there somewhere say let's do an experiment i'll arrange these new features together and we'll see whether or not it coheres into a meaningful gameplay experience [Music] okay are you ready here it is i give you what the stanley parable ii [Music] what about where are the chapstick um well i mean there's potential here right it's sort of okay never mind hold on let me do a different arrangement i didn't i didn't eat it did i eat it yes this is much better i feel good about this here we go i didn't i didn't need it too well that's weird who am i kidding stanley this isn't a coherent video game at all it's a lot of gags and i do very much enjoy creating gags but they don't add up to anything i didn't need it i wanted more than anything to create a sequel that would capture all the magic of the first game i wanted fans to love it no matter how good these gags are they wouldn't stand on their own they would need the structure in the gameplay of the original oh yeah wait maybe that's it i can take the original stanley parable and simply well insert a few of my new features into it tastefully of course with respect with care for the vision and integrity of the original game would it possibly work i suppose it could but it would need a really really tremendous title screen a title screen that says with bold and uncompromising conviction this is the stanley parable too let me see if i can whip something up like the designs that were out front perfect go ahead take a look oh look at that stanley parable 2. oh my bucket stanley picked up the bucket nice i feel happy now this is open again nice oh stanley can you feel it the broom closet it wants the bucket oh you feel that can't you aura of jealousy it's a day this no believes it deserves the bucket i can really feel it now it's a bucket it belongs in a broom closet that's what the broom closet is trying to say here it's supposed to go with the other cleaning supplies good for you stanley don't give him don't hand over the bucket i know how hard it must be given the pressure that the broom closet is putting on your shirt mine's right now but you have to be strong this is your bucket this is your companion and lifelong friend fine you can't hand it over oh no we're getting into name calling now it seems is this how low the broom closet is that it has to resort to this stream of petty insults simply in order to get you to hand over the bucket yeah stanley i never liked this broom closet for a variety of reasons me neither this is worse than i had imagined yeah [ __ ] this place now the broom closet has the goal to imply that you and the bucket are not truly deep and lasting friends what that your relationship is purely superficial and convenient oh shut up your life is super null and meaningless when they say that the same sort of kinship towards any inanimate object which happened to lay in your path in an even partially enticing manner well like never i thought they were i thought we were friends lay into it really tell the broom closet off for its demeaning comments expand on the wide variety of experiences you and the bucket have shared together go through each of them point by point share your journal entries detailing the rich emotional landscape of your feelings for the bucket as they have changed and evolved over the years yeah let him have it it stinks like a public bathroom in here and the walls need to be painted and okay i've got you something which i think will help settle this debate once and for all here we go yeah now it's settled no more debate no more discussion take a hike broom closet with all your meandering philosophical diatribes about the nature of cleaning supplies and their relationship to broome closets in the natural yeah you man [ __ ] you what are you gonna do [ __ ] you all right i've got a second sticker back up here and i'm going to slap it on as well because i think it's appropriate [ __ ] up you see how do you feel that it works because the sticker is also a bucket that way if you're ever unsure whether the thing you're holding is a bucket or so far you can look down i want to turn this on when at last they came to the source of the room's power stanley and the bucket knew it was their obligation to put an end to this horrible place and to everything it stood for but at the last second the bucket jumped in and pressed the button to turn on the controls double crochet in horror had this been the bucket's plan all along to take over the machine and claim the power for itself how could the bucket have betrayed him like this stanley was prepared to throw the bucket away in disgust when suddenly an image appeared upon the enormous screen birds silly silly birds the control buttons became active again okay do i want eagle or do i want um sparrow arrow stanley flipped through one video of silly birds after another and then it dawned on him this wasn't a mind control facility at all whatever it was a facility for monitoring and surveilling silly birds all over the world the [ __ ] way only a facade to disguise its true intentions at the bucket known as all along stanley marveled at the metal genius in his hands the one who had pointed him towards this incredible discovery stan in the bucket never found freedom because they spent the rest of their lives here in this place living through lives oh wow of the silliest birds imaginable of all the possible paths his life could have taken he looked like robots like mechanical and stanley was happy no i want to see more of those that don't cut me off i want to see more of that eager to get back to business stanley took the first open door on his left i've never gone this way and so he detoured through the maintenance section walked straight ahead to the opposite door and got back on track no i went this way but stanley didn't want to go back to the office he wanted to wander about and get even further off track so now in order to get back he needed to go um [Music] left right oh oh no no it's to the right my mistake no no no no not the right why would i have ever said it was to the right what was i thinking it's clearly oh dear would you hold on for a minute please that door did a bong rip no let's see we went down right left down left right yep okay okay yes i've got it now this story is absolutely definitely this way okay wait can't go that way i have to go this way oh the mind control room no no no no no no no no this isn't right at all you're not supposed to be here yet this is all a spoiler quick stanley close your eyes i already saw this okay okay okay we just we just had to get back to um oh who am i kidding it's all rubbish now the whole story completely unusable how about rather than waste my time trying to salvage this nonsense we'll just restart the game from oh you sent me back to the beginning suppose we don't wander so far off track okay rubbish all right where's my bucket when standing wait wait what no no i restarted i swear i definitely restarted the game over completely fresh everything should be oh did something change stanley did you change anything when we were back in that room with all the monitors did you move the story somewhere i didn't have my bucket hold on why am i asking you i'm the one who wrote the story was right here just a minute ago i know for sure that it's here somewhere okay then it's an adventure god stanley let's find the story this is the worst adventure i've ever been on i can promise you there definitely was a story here before do we just do we need to restart the game again no we i i finally i find it unlikely that we'll gotta regress by starting over and over again i got it it's gotta be better than this i got it okay let's give it a shot no i got it i just got it oh my god okay yep it's worse where'd the doors go whether we're remembering this wrong why don't we go back the other direction and see if we missed anything where's my game i i paid for a [ __ ] game i paid for a game and it's not here i'm just quit i'm quitting uh ah-ha i knew we'd miss something what the story here it comes no wait never mind not the story what the [ __ ] okay let's head back the other way and retrace our steps well i'll be honest i don't recognize this place at all is this the story i don't think so i can't quite recall but i believe my story took place in an office building it is that correct hmm do you remember stanley what do you know what since i've completely forgotten what we were supposed to be doing how about no don't restart the game again congratulations oh that worked i know you put in a lot of hard work and it really paid off so good job oh no i don't feel right about this i did it we both know you didn't put in any actual work for that win some people win fair and square and this was not one of those situations okay i'm getting weirded out by whatever this place is i don't care what might happen this time i have to restart stanley parable 2 adventure line this time to make sure we don't get lost i've employed the help of the stanley parable adventure line just follow the line okay how simple is that that's more like it [Music] i got i missed the line i didn't do it right [Music] wait what [Music] wait what oh no no no no not again spoilers how could you have done this to us and after we trusted you after everything we've been through you well i can't take this anymore to hell with it restart did i follow the line still you know what stanley i say forget the adventure line what's it ever done for us we're intelligent people right why can't we make up our own story yeah exciting daring mysterious oh this all sounds perfectly doable why don't we simply start wandering in well i don't know how about this direction now yes this is exciting just me and stanley forging a new path a new story well it could be anything what do you want our story to be go wild use your imagination i would be a knight whatever it might be stanley i'm ready for it i'm gonna be a knight the staff that has spells and i'd want to fight a dragon and i want to win oh no not you again i don't care about stanley i'd also like to veto the line from having any role in our awesome new story no lines or monitor rooms just don't acknowledge it and we should be fine ah a choice we get to make a decision from here the story is in hours another choice how important we mustn't squander the opportunity in fact i believe i need a minute to think here just walk in circles for a minute okay so i know that each door has to lead somewhere which means that somewhere the place where we're trying to go this is fun to walk around this door that leads here and that in turn means that our destination corresponds with the counter-inverted reverse doors origin so starting from the right let us ask will taking the right door lead us to where we're going and since the answer is clearly yes then by all accounts the door on the right is the correct one that's not another victory for logic come stanley our destiny awaits this is my only choice i have to go through i have to oh hold up what's this hmm hmm confusion ending you're telling me that's what this is it's all one giant ending and we're supposed to restart the game eight eight times really how all this goes it's all determined so now according to the schedule i restart again then what am i just supposed to forget well what if i don't want to forget my mind goes blank simply because it's written here on holland thing find the line online after long stanley dies well i died me why don't i get to decide why don't i get a say in all of this is it really find a bookstore no it can't be i i don't want it to be i i don't want the game to keep restarting i don't want to forget what's going on i don't want to be trapped like this i won't restart the game i won't do it i won't do it i won't do it i don't want to do that i don't want to see you there and i don't want to see the turtle did we do it wearing a hat break the cycle well in the meantime hey what the [ __ ] ow what happened what was that that was ridiculous that hurt stanley pressed the bucket upon every little thing in the office nothing responded to the bucket's touch but it did little to discourage stanley's belief in here set the bucket go into this dark room over here stanley once again obeyed blindly okay phone phone rings don't answer the phone instead now pick up the phone said the bucket pick up the phone and it will take us back home where we can go about whoa hold on why did you unplug the phone i felt like it were you trying to resist the bucket's orders stanley i was joking obviously the bucket isn't talking to you and telling you to do things buckets can't talk it was a joke don't you get the joke it's funny stanley a talking bucket the bucket was talking oh goodness i must have really bungled up the delivery if you actually took me seriously but the bucket had a different voice joke than you should have paused for longer or spoken quicker comedic timing is so difficult i wish i were better at it but there isn't exactly an instructional video on comedy that one can watch to fully oh wait yes there is um it's sitting right here let's take a look what is what is comedic timing what is comedic timing how does it work how long should it last how can it be used to effectively silence your political enemies and more importantly can it be taught in its entirety within 90 seconds ah take a second thankfully the answer to all of these questions is yes craft let's dive deeper if you've ever told a joke or made someone laugh in all likelihood you did it while standing 50 to 80 centimeters from them in a room of no more than 76 degrees fahrenheit probably one of your arms raised straight upward at a 15 degree angle i mean these are the optimal conditions for good comedic timing to begin the joke start by stating and spelling your name next provide a brief synopsis of the joke including the specific times at which the recipient of the joke will laugh and then spell out your name a second time with these steps complete it's time to begin the humor speak the entire joke in no more than 18 seconds and no less than 13 and a half pausing only for bathroom breaks when necessary when the joke has concluded it is customary to inform your listener that the joke is over by declaring in your loudest possible voice i'm dunny with the funny let's practice screaming i'm denny with the funny now i'm not going to do that good this saying is a perfect example of expectations management which is the cornerstone of good comedy wasn't it and that's all there is with these strategies at your disposal you'll have audiences doubled over and laughter and even tripled over and laughter it's scary it's scary just remember to let them stop laughing at some point you gut-busting little scamp after all with each of us needed on the front lines of the war to fight the 12-legged invader who threatened our very existence and a very luckily die in a hailstorm of bullets and mandibles all of us must be prepared to give our lives to this noble course just as our children must do after us and their children after them god speed and make earth reign supreme jesus hey goodness this video is a little outdated isn't it well no matter i think the fundamentals of proper comedic timing are still as relevant today as they were back then so with that in mind i believe the only way forward is for us to return to the two doors and walk through all of this again so i can try telling my story with more appropriate comedic delivery come along does it change i hope it does that'd be funny if it changed here we go you ready when stanley and the bucket came to a set of two open doors they entered the door on the left no no no no no you were supposed to go through the door on the right what leading back to the phone what the [ __ ] i'd not even look at the instructional video i think this is all covered very quickly no but either way i can make the comedic timing work now it's done work it's completely down and over it's all your fault stanley i'm going to be ridiculed in the community of other joke writers i'm going to be shamed at every one of our meetings from now on all because you couldn't watch a simple video and take a hint are you proud of yourself for bringing me down stanley are you proud what the hell happened when stanley and the bucket came to a set of two open doors they entered the door on the left there you go all right let's see it we're back at the phone already no no no what's going on there was supposed to be several rooms leading up to it's called improv figure it out build up to this point a dramatic display of remarkable comedic witch which you got to be ready for anything with the phone but now the timing's completely off the joke will never land well not the way it was meant to and it's all my fault i must have forgotten that the phone room comes immediately after the two laws room what an egregious mistake i've made a fool of myself i don't deserve the title of king of comedy i'm nothing i'm not even the lowliest joke telling wilk welcome i think i need to go back and re-watch that instructional video again yes surely that will help me improve my stanley you love the bucket so much it's like you um it's as though all of your other most prized possessions pale in comparison yes let me try that again stanley i heard that you are pale with shame over how unembattledly in love with a bucket you are no where the hell am i is it the delivery pale with shame pale with shame pale what's another word to describe a bucket stanley this bucket is so metal i think i saw it playing guitar no no no no no you don't need to tell a joke i'm just i'm no good at these jokes i need more instructional videos that's exactly you don't gotta tell a joke what will make me the king of comedy again more instructional videos let's see let's see yeah that's unfortunate unfortunate how can we find them trust the completionist instinct you must find them it will be a reward for finding them all well floating objects have appeared across the office we have to synergize our resources to ensure their retrieval there are many questions how can you tell you've spotted one what makes them float in the air who took these pictures of them one more you've nearly gotten all of the figgler and marines very soon you'll collect the last one and then the first number will equal the second number and that will be it will be different people by then different in the sense that we used to have none of them looks why it looks so sad we have them all you can't go back to when you had no fiddler and marines none of us can what's down here cassette tapes oh narrator dialogue narrator dialogue oh we're gonna beat the narrator okay this is day number 295 tate number i don't even know i've lost track nothing feels real anymore wait is this supposed to be the narrator when he was younger i study this bucket the less sense anything makes this me talking the sheer euphoria i feel every time i pick it up this is dark souls dialogue no matter how many times i've done it it's always the same feeling and the emptiness in my chest when i set it down oh it doesn't make sense there's no explanation for it i still haven't figured out why i see the world so differently when this bucket is in my arms why everything feels so what do i do with this treasure i can i can monetize it yes it's unthinkable the amounts of money people will pay for just an hour with the bucket this is my golden ticket but i have to be careful because as soon as this gets out there's going to be a target on my back even now i don't know who might be trying to get what's that who's there [Music] last harry potter you just ruin the moment i have to hear it i keep [ __ ] thinking about it [Music] [Music] okay we're good i just need to hear it every like four or five days i just need to hear it every four or five days that's it [Music] what happened this is different all of his co-workers were gone what could it mean what how much decided to go to the meeting room perhaps he had simply missed a memo where are we going today the bucket asked stanley just smiled anywhere they went together would be stanley pressed the bucket upon every little thing in the office responded to the bucket's touch but it did little to discourage stanley's belief in the magic of the bucket the whiteboard ending dog mode let me tell you about the the dog sound like christmas album or it's like the jingle bells and [ __ ] i don't sell them anymore they don't make them anymore they don't make it anymore i used to [ __ ] cry laughing at that [ __ ] it was so stupid we wish you a merry christmas barking dog christmas song wait you found it already do they still exist [Music] i'm serious if you want to win a you laugh you lose challenge or like a no emotion challenge play this for somebody and they're going to be like just what the [ __ ] man like it's too much it's just stupid [Music] i'll try i'll try it [Music] [Music] that was not even funny the dogs aren't even there anymore wait what why are they not here okay somewhere both red and blue dog you have the floor whatever you'd like to say about what just happened hey hey hey hey what the [ __ ] okay so both red and blue stanley walked through the red door and got him off the last stigly wiggly savor this moment stanley this is a real accomplishment this is doing something just for the sake of doing it where so many people expect to be rewarded for the most trivial achievements you've insisted that a job well done is its own reward i would tell you that i'm proud of you for collecting them all but that would be like a reward and we can't have that so instead i'll just say it's done we're all done here and now we can go to whatever the hell you were doing before you hunted for figurines okay stanley i'm sorry but i have to put a pause on things it's just it's those figurines those figures i haven't stopped thinking about them since you nabbed every last one wasn't it just the most intrinsically fulfilling moment of your entire life didn't it fill you to the brim with her inner richness yes i know we're supposed to be telling a story it's up there but won't you please indulge me with one more trip back to the memory zone i would love nothing more than to revisit the figurines just one more time ah here's where it all began the first collectible oh anyway no idea of how many of them we'd find sure it's at six right there on the screen but how could we know for certain we were so innocent we'll never be like that again stanley this was the fifth ministan and this one was really something special it was in the warehouse i remember it so clearly in fact because this one is particularly special to me i made a little video to commemorate the occasion enjoy windows movie maker [Music] you found it near the cargo lift [Music] ah takes you back doesn't it like time making two thousand but it would have eight minutes i wouldn't have spent on anything else you are in the present and then there was no more because we've caught up to the present moment nothing left to do but move onward into the future goodbye memory zone hey um no no no i'm not done i'm not ready to move on stop the loading screen isn't there some way we can stay here keep enjoying these figurines let's just go backwards we'll do the memory zone again from the opposite direction now oh my god okay can i turn the tv off or something unplug it i have to go through and do all that again backwards and here's where i made that video don't you remember the video we watched uh don't watch it again oh my [ __ ] god yes that was a great video it only has 600 thumbs down and two thumbs up it's still great you're doing great it's a great video i wonder what my most disliked video was it was demon lord at freddy's you know what that actually might be it that actually might be it yeah okay i it's because people thought that was first of all not funny and second of all people hated five nights at freddy's i remember that yep i remember uploading that video and that was right in the middle of five nights at freddy was getting popular and people like hated it and i was doing like this demon like avatar thing and people didn't think it was funny so it was a double whammy i [ __ ] hate demon lord zaraxes that's fair that video made the game popular no it did not that was one of the least viewed videos on my channel and i was at the tail end of that game's initial first five nights at freddy's one popularity i was like four months late to the party and i tried to do like a fun little spin on it and i was way too late if anything that video made people dislike the game more and me and me too there are probably people from like 20 12 2013. there's something i feel i can remember i can remember and never came back from that video yes i'm remembering something now i remember before this whole story got started back then i was i was different i used to make big decisions i was passionate i was skeptical i weighed each decision with profound thoughtfulness and then somewhere along the way i stopped making decisions i became lazy and i came up with well came up with a character named stanley to do my thinking for me he would make the decisions he would decide which way to go i would cheer him on as he collected figurines for no reason why did i invent stanley was i lonely yes perhaps that's it perhaps i needed to imagine i had companionship okay and stanley really did make for a wonderful companion even if he was a fiction but i suppose it's grown old i i want to think for myself again i want to go back to how it used to be yes i can be on my own again i can do it i'll be stronger this time i'll take care of myself i don't need stanley anymore oh but he truly was so much fun to play with you know what since we're in the memory zone how about one more good memory let's go back just once and give stanley one more run of the office and one more goal i'll retire him for good i did enjoy telling his story so very much okay here we go this is the story of a man named stanley one more i get one more go i gotta make this count still no one was here stanley needed the buckets warmth and comfort now more than ever perhaps his boss's office was where he'd find answers reboot the game entirely i just quit the game please enter the current time 9 15 pm hang on hang on before we get started can i just say something thank you for actually setting the clock both times you booted up the game a lot of people don't take that step seriously just leave the clock set at 12 and call it a day but you're actually taking the time to set the clock and i appreciate that that's how i know that you care about the experience you're paying attention i don't even have any way of knowing if the times you're setting are correct tell you what i'll make you a deal since you've been so cooperative next time you boot up the game and see the screen just set the clock to your favorite time pick whatever time you want even if it's not the correct time you've earned it all right back to the video game 10 o'clock p.m 10 p.m my favorite time not too late not too early there's still like about probably a couple to three hours left in the night relaxing reboot it again i'm gonna say no you know what 9 30 is probably my favorite time when i look at the clock and i see it's 9 30 i'm like all right there's still the whole night is there i'm relaxing i'm cool i'm good it's at least probably three to five hours before i'm even gonna think about sleep okay current time they said i could make it whatever i want 9 30 is the best time 9 30 pm not that far from now that's my favorite time or could you simply not resist giving me the correct time again no that's what time that's not that's 15 minutes from now after all i know how much you enjoy setting the time correctly and now i'm curious how accurate 9 30 p.m is let's use another slider to find out how accurate is 9 30 pm i would say that's very very close that's like incredibly close right i mean it's in literally like 13 minutes you know can i just say regards to the accuracy of the clock i'm having a great time adjusting these settings like i'm learning more about you now you like things to be set it's good to collect data i wish we had more sliders but we've gone through all the sliders i have perhaps i can invent some new sliders to gather new data on you shouldn't be too hard yeah let me whip up a couple new ones should be ready by the next time you boot up the game okay please adjust the slider until the computer is barely visible i like it this is brightness they just slide into the dog and cat are friends let's say right about there right there please just slide until the number five becomes the number nine well it says becomes the number nine not spell it not no [ __ ] no roman numerals the number no just that that's what it's telling me to do just slider until you stop adjusting the slider okay hold on all right i think maybe a good thing about here yeah i think so it's just a little bit more i'm not feeling it i think it's a little bit up right here it's fine which of the two made up words below is most appealing to you scrumptish or ocubinkle oh my [ __ ] god occupankle a million times please don't adjust the slider okay do you know what time it is right now yes i do it is 9 20. is the time that it is right now the correct time yes what is it what is time anyway i don't know is there anything about yourself that you haven't told me yeah shitload you're uh you're a computer help yes will you come back to visit me yes okay what time is it does anyone really truly know of course they don't nobody knows anything you and i don't even know each other we're like strangers sure i've adjusted all the game settings to your exact specifications but who hasn't this is what i do like a day job and now the job is over there's no more information for me to gather i've collected all the data on you that i can i still don't really know you you don't know me and neither of us know what time it is i guess some settings are just unsettable but if i'm being totally honest the clock doesn't do anything in the game anyways you won't have me here when the game starts next time but that's okay video games are meant to be played alone you like being alone don't you that's maybe the only information that i really learned about you it's not even one time for me to leave there's still one more setting that we need to adjust but it may take a little time before i'm ready for that it's not really in my job description but that's okay perhaps you'll see me again if you can find me talk soon what epilogue i got some epilogue many many years later [Music] wait this is from the the skipping this is back when i skipped a bunch of times right [Music] yeah i guess i camped out for a night i gotta keep going reminds me of outer wilds [Music] what this is the memory zone right hooky nine's blog review the stanley parable two like so many i enjoyed my time with the original stanley parable which underscores how truly disappointed i am with its sequel with a first game teamed with originality the stanley parable 2 is dull uninspired and often insulting to its fan base rather than expand on what made the first game enjoyable the sequel veers off into territory nobody asked for an infinitely deep hole who cares where are the new endings what about enjoyable bits from the stanley parable one like the adventure line instead we get an uninspired side quest collecting figurines even this diversion feels incomplete collecting all the figurines gives you nothing i must say though i found the bucket to be quite comforting a welcome reprieve from from what stanley parable developers no more spin-offs no more sequels when the stanley parable launched to a massive success in 2013 its creators made plans to build the property into an entire franchise but a disastrous critical and commercial reception the stanley parable 2 has prompted the developers to rethink their ambitions as outlined in a press release they published today it's clear that more stanley powerball is not what the fans want we thought that we had a vision for the series that players would be excited about it turns out this could not have been further from the truth press release goes on to promise to preserve the artistic integrity of the original game and to stop assaulting fans with our reckless and insulting creative visions the word sorry appears more than 25 times in the press release thank you for enjoying the new content yeah it was pretty good that was fun anything else oh hello again it's nice to see you but it's terrible to learn that there will never be another stanley parable game did you read what the developer said preserve the integrity of the franchise what nonsense stanley parable is not sacred we do not need to protect it screw the legacy let's keep making stanley parable games until the sun explodes let's run this franchise into the ground let's drag it through the mud and back and if people hate it who cares you see that was the narrator's problem he was so obsessed with what people thought of his work don't make his mistake don't cling to the legacy let it burn it's not hard in fact let me show you together we're going to make the stanley parable three it's simple all we do is change the number in a game's title screen we also really need a really dumb subtitle for the game something loud and gaudy good try combining some random words together to make a new title for our game i love it every time you restart the game we'll advance the number of sequels by one and then we'll pick a new subtitle that way the stanley parable will never end and nothing in the game itself will change when you do this either adding more content sounds like work no need to do that it'll just be the same content recycled again and again and again with a new title screen do you say should we go forward with this plan i like it but i want you to have a say as well should i do that that sounds kind of funny [Music] okay his co-workers were gone all right what could it mean that's it

Channel: Cheltie

Views: 355,326

Keywords: jerma985, jerma highlights, jerma stream, jerma, stream highlights, highlights, stream, jerma funny joke, twitch, streamer, twitch streamer, highlight, Livestream, video games, jerma edit, elden ring gameplay, jerma the stanley parable, the stanley parable ultra deluxe, the stanley parable, jerma the stanley parable ultra deluxe

Id: hnW4cXkjwrs

Length: 118min 32sec (7112 seconds)

Published: Tue May 03 2022