The Game Has Changed Chris Herren at TEDxUMassAmherst

thank you this is amazing I am unbelievably special to be here today I'm a Massachusetts kid and to be presenting in front of the UMass Amherst sign for TEDx to think 15 years ago I pulled in on this campus on a bus to play UMass and to think 15 years ago I scored 30 points I was player of the game live on ESPN and to think 15 years later be easy my man and to think 15 years later I'm back to share my story and back to share my struggle you know I've traveled all across the country and dedicated my life over the last three years sharing my story and I do it I do it to make a difference I do it to prevent one kid one family from going down the road that I went down I do it because I remember what it was like sitting in seats listening to people present and I remember I remember saying I'll never be like that guy see I grew up in Fall River Massachusetts three hours from here my father a politician my mom a hard worker my brother a big-time highschool basketball star I grew up under his shadow that pressure and they told me growing up as a kid that I'd never be as good as him they told me I could not score 2,000 points they told me that McDonald's all-americans don't come from Fall River they told me that the posters on my walls of Boston Celtics were a joke they told me 6-1 white kids don't make it to the NBA they were wrong what I wish they told me I wish they told me because alcoholism and addiction ran in my family that I was 40 times more likely to suffer from it I wish they told me that 90% of all addictions begin in the teenage years I wish they told me that the first page of every addicts story is the Red Solo Cup and a blunt. See at 18 years old I stepped on the campus of Boston College and at 18 years old I opened my dorm room one night and at 18 years old I saw a pile of cocaine and at 18 years old I was offered one line and in 18 years old I promised myself that that one line would be a one-time deal I wish they told me that one line could last 14 years I wish they told me that one line would get me expelled from Boston College four months later see at 22 years old I reached my dream I became the poster the Celtic on the wall but at 22 years old I was introduced to this thing they called oxycontin and at 22 years old they told me it was 40 milligrams and they told me it cost $20 I wish they told me that that $20 was gonna turn to $25,000 a month drug habit I wish they told me that that 40 milligram pill would eventually turn to sixteen hundred milligrams a day I wish they told me that that little yellow pill and upon my hand two years later would turn into a syringe and that syringe that syringe was staying in my arm for the next eight years I wish they told me that that syringe would make me spend every last dime I ever made playing basketball I wish they told me that it would break my family's heart make me sleep on the street bring me to the brink of death and cause me to attempt suicide and there I was eight years later 32 years old in handcuffs in a hospital in Fall River Massachusetts where I was born and when I came through the police officer said don't say a word Chris you were just dead 30 seconds ago he explained to me that while driving I overdosed I went through a lane of traffic I jumped a curb and I crashed into a cemetery fence he explained to me that they brought me back to life that day and a nurse practitioner walked into that room and she shined the light and my eyes she took my blood pressure and she said he's free to go he's all yours the police officer looked at me and said Chris man when we were in high school I would have never imagined this would be your story I can't believe this is how it turned out so what I want to do is I want to do you a favor today I want to uncuff you I want to summon you but you got to promise me one thing in the next thirty days you'll check into a treatment center and when that 30 days is up you'll turn yourself in to the judge I looked at that police officer and I said that he uncuffed me handing me my summons and as I was walking out of that hospital I said to myself since 18 years old I've been nothing but a failure so what I'm gonna do today I'm gonna walk out of this hospital I'm gonna walk to my friend's house I'm gonna grab his gun I'm gonna stick it in my mouth and I'm gonna blow my head off at 32 years old I will end this nightmare for everybody involved and as I'm walking out of that hospital that I was born in thinking about ending my life a nurse yelled my name and that nurse said Christopher please come back when I turned around she was in her 50s and I waved her off and I kept walking she said please don't wave me off I went to high school with your mother my mom died at a young age I turned around I said man please don't talk about my mom right now she said I had no choice because your mother's talking to me right now telling me to help her a little baby so will you please let me do your mom that favor I turned around I walked back and I sat with that woman as she called treatment centers all over Massachusetts saying I got a former Boston Celtic with no money no job too kids will you please give him a free bed everybody said no until this one center finally said we'll give him five days eight years on heroin I got five days of care and on day five I was being discharged and as I was walking out still sick still withdrawing and thinking about getting high my phone rang and on the other line it was Liz Mullen Liz Mullen is Chris Mullins wife the NBA Hall of Famer I lived with them for three weeks to get ready for the NBA Draft and Liz Mullen simply said we have the resources we want to send you to send you to a treatment center in New York for six months will you please take our gift I took the gift at 32 I was out of choices I jumped in a car I drove to Rhinebeck New York I checked in and I was told that the first 30 days you can't have contact with your family on day 30 they called me into the office for my phone call when I called my wife all she said was can you go him home I'm going into I'm going into labor see when I was found on the side of the road my wife was eight months pregnant expecting our third child I looked at my culture and I say can I go home he said bad idea I said sir please at 22 I was on oxycontin for little Chris at 24 I was on heroin for Sam please let me see one of my children come unto this world sober that man gave me a chance he called me a taxi and four hours was later I witnessed my son drew come into this world i sat with that little baby sober and proud for about eight hours and when that eight hours ended I told my wife I'll be right back I'm going for a walk I never came back I walked by the hospital walked up to a liquor store bought three pints of vodka jumped on a phone called my heroin dealer he picked me up and I was gone thirty days earlier I was found dead on the side of the road thirty days later I'm back on the same street when I walked into that hospital the next morning my wife took one look at me she shook their head and she said don't ever come back see I met my wife in the seventh grade she knew me long before heroin and hoop my wife said you broke my heart a million times but this is the last time I let you do it to my children I walked out that house but I went back to that place in Rhinebeck New York and when I walked in the front door that man who said it was a bad idea to come home he said Mr Herren come into my office I heard about your home visit I said if you heard there's nothing to talk about I lost my family he said of course you did that's what addiction does it ruins families I walked out of his office and he said mr. Herren be in my office at 10 o'clock ten o'clock tonight I'm gonna help you with this all day I wondered and at ten I knocked he called I walked in he flipped me a cellphone I caught it he said now you're gonna do the most courageous admirable thing you've ever done in your life you're gonna flip that phone open you're gonna call your wife and a promise her that you'll disappear tell your wife this would be the last phone call you ever make to her and then tell your wife to tell your three kids when daddy when daddy left them in the hospital this morning that daddy died in a car accident you're gonna play dead for these kids Chris and you're gonna let your family live because you're a no-good scumbag washed-up junkie who doesn't deserve a family and I looked at that man that broke my soul I started crying I flipped him back the phone and I said I've been calling myself I've been calling myself now for the last ten years I Know Who I am I'll be in your office first thing in the morning to make the phone call I walked out of that office in tears went back to my room and what seemed to be the worst day of my life is now one of my best because I opened that door I hit my knees and I started praying I started asking God for help and that day hit my knees was August 1st 2008 and by the grace of God august 1st 2008 is my sobriety day I thank God every day I thank God every day for that man's words I thank God every day for that nurse who chased me out at almost 5 years sober in 37 years old I'm grateful for my bad days people often ask me aren't you tired of doing this too emotional of course but I believe in it and I believe it's necessary see I spoke at a school an hour and a half from here and as I presented to these two thousand kids afterwards I shook hands I took pictures I walked out I got in my car as I'm leaving my phone buzz when I opened it dear mr. Herren I'm still in the bleachers I'm still on the bleachers with my boyfriend in our backpack two bottles of vodka in our backpack Tylenol xanax in our pockets our suicide notes today we were going home to kill ourselves but today you came to my school today you gave me hope so today we're walking down to the principal's office to tell on ourselves thank you mr. Herren for coming to my school and sharing your story I spoke at a school in Rhode Island with these four kids walked in in purple shirts and this little girl raised her hand and I called on her she stood up nobody really stands up she she stood up it took me by surprise and when she stood up she said I don't have I don't have a question I have a statement my statement is this I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart coming to my high school and validating what me and my friends do and she pointed to the four purple shirts I said what do you do she said well the sober students of this high school and as I looked at this girl with such admiration courage I heard laughter and two seconds later the whole school was laughing at her so this little girl sat down started crying turned beet red I looked at those kids and I said for real and at 35 years old I looked back at that girl and the only words that could come out of my mouth that day was I wish I wish I like myself enough I wish I never had to change myself I wish I never had to put a substance in my body and become somebody different to fit in I looked at that little girl and I said I'd give you every uniform I put on in my life to go back to 15 16 17 sitting out front row and wear that purple shirt proud and from that little girl I started this thing called Project purple now Project Purple's a little anti substance abuse campaign that we launched nine months ago and within nine months we got a hundred thousand kids to sign up we got a hundred thousand kids walk into their school wearing purple project purple is about raising awareness educating our youth empowering them to stand up for what is right it's about raising their self-worth and their self-esteem it's about letting our kids know to never change who they are for nobody because they're perfect just the way they are see over the last three years I've continued this mission and it's never easy I can cry my audience my game has changed the kids in the bleachers they're not there to heckle or to taunt hopefully they're there to listen to learn and to be inspired to share their struggle because what I found out and I struggle we can find our greatest strength today today I'm sober first and foremost today I'm a father of four beautiful kids I'm a husband to the star of this story my wife Heather we've been married 15 years I'm an author a speaker I'm a voice for the kids who cut who burn who are bullied I'm a voice for the millions out there who was still sick and still suffering hopefully I'm a game changer today I'm grateful for everything that I've lost and I'm grateful for everything that I've gained I found my soul on this journey I found my purpose in life is today your bottom or your beginning and I will leave you with this if you were a kid would you look up to you thank you god bless

Channel: Herren Project

Views: 41,376

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Id: ExlBxbE4z6w

Length: 16min 23sec (983 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 05 2018