I'm different from other people. But in spite of that, I've adapted well. I'm one of those aspies who've learned how to socialize, make friends, and blend in. I still can't socialize as much as
I'd like to, and I miss out on a lot. I have take it easy to preserve my energy, and I can't even go
out in public sometimes because I'm very vulnerable to sensory
overload. I often have a hard time understanding
other people because how I experience the world is
different. I may still be human, but sometimes I
feel like I'm from another planet. It's been agreed that a lot of the main features of Asperger's would include
sensory issues social deficits, obsessive interests, and repetitive behaviors. With the sensory issues, our senses tend to be heightened, so
things like lights, sounds, textures a food, certain fabric on clothing can be overwhelming
to us. As for the social issues, because of the sensory problems it makes
it hard for us to read nonverbal cues and body language. It's just hard to pay attention to that when you're already so overwhelmed with other
things. As for obsessive interests, a lot of aspies tend to be very focused while engaging with what we're interested in. And repetitive behaviors might appear as doing things over and over, or fidgeting
a lot, and a lot of these seem to come about as a
way to cope with the outside world. I actually know a lot of people on the
autism spectrum, many of them are very good friends of
mine. You know, I thought because I know all these people you know maybe maybe I should ask them about their lives
and and see how they all differ from one
another and how we all can relate as well as aspies. The first aspie I talked to was my friend Katie. I had met Katie through my 4-H Club when we were both home-schooled, and she's been one of my
best friends ever since. Before I knew what I was dealing
with, that I had Aspergers, I thought I was the modern equivalent of the village idiot. I thought it
was me, I thought I was something wrong with the world. Once I found out that I had Aspergers as well a few other
learning disabilities, it made me realize maybe I wasn't screwed up! Maybe it was just the fact that my brain
was wired a little differently and people just had to deal with it. Most of my Asperger's symptoms are sensory related, so I'm really sensitive to fluorescent lights, bass from speakers, certain types of voices and tones
of voices. One of Katie's Aspergers symptoms that was the most noticeable to me was her sensitivity to sound. Sound. That was pretty big. That was a pretty bad one, that's probably
why I don't remember most of it. It drove me crazy quite a lot. I couldn't ignore anything. Everything
was right there, right in front of me. I could not tell my brain to shut off anything. I would hear clocks, I'd hear flies, I'd hear people screeching little pencils on paper, and things clattering on the floor.
That's just my experience from a classroom which is why I was so, so happy to be home-schooled. In some ways I could say literally
saved my life. There are many things I've worked on to the point that I don't notice them half the time,
or majority the time, and thank God that's one of them. I've always had a hard time fitting into church communities, but it was mainly because of my sensory issues. Because I was so overwhelmed with just being there, it made it even harder for me
to attempt to connect with people. As for my friend Katie, she even had a harder time. I asked her about it and it made me realize that a lot of us aspies
deal with the same kind of thing when we go to places like even church, where it's supposed to feel safe and welcoming. I very much enjoy going to church, hearing the sermons, praise, I love it. Only problem was... well, I said I liked praise, but that's where my major problem came in. it doesn't necessarily have to be loud, it doesn't have to have a lot of bass. It's hard to describe what it is, but it somehow just gets into your head and won't let up. To any churches out there; I know you
are doing your best to give wonderful praise experience
but if the person is in pain from the fact
that they're listening to your praise music, please stop! Turn it down! you don't have
to have it level 11 all the time! I also do deal with some of the
social issues. I do have a hard time reading people, I cannot stand small talk because I
really want to get to know people, and I do not really have a lot of practice with getting past the small talk stage. Though my social skills haven't always
been the greatest, I've worked to improve them enough to seem "normal." The way I act in public and even in this film is the result of a lot
of practice, because that does not come naturally. Even for this documentary, I still had to
interact with people. If I wanted to take this journey and to do
it well, I had put myself out there and get to know
more people. One person I decided to meet with was Patti Boheme, the executive
vice president of Little Friends Center for Autism. She
explained a lot about the Aspergers symptoms, including social issues. When you get into social
communications some of is--we have issues where people are very concrete in their thinking,
so they take things really literally. And it's hard for them to think
about another person's perspective, so a lot of
times it's difficult for them to understand things socially because it's so hard to
understand what somebody else might be thinking. My Asperger's would include inability to discern facial expressions,
situations, see when someone is clearly annoyed with
me or clearly wanting help me, but I'm not
helping. After I learned that Katie had Aspergers
I felt like I could relate to her even more than I already did. It's nice knowing that someone else
deals with the same uncommon struggles that I do. Aside from Katie, I had aspie friends
in other places too. Like my friend Matt, who I met on an aspie support group on Facebook. Rock, paper, scissors! Rock. Darn! Matt lived only a few states away, so we
decided to meet up in person so I could get to know him better and to also ask him about his experiences
with Aspergers. I was pretty happy about my diagnosis, really. For me it was kind of this realization that yes, I'm different, but there's a reason for me being different. For me, Aspergers has always been mostly the social issue. I never fit in as a kid, got made fun of a lot, got picked on. When I grew up I didn't know
anybody else with Aspergers, so I kinda felt like an outcast. So I learned to mimic neurotypical people so I can at least
blend in. So I wouldn't stick out as much. For a lot of people with Aspergers Syndrome, empathy tends to be sort of an issue. And I guess for me it was, but basically, like other aspies I've had
to use my detective skills in order to watch neurotypical people, see ho w they
interact with the world so that way I can appear to be a little more
normal. I've read a lot of guides on body language to help fill in the blanks in
social situations. And I found out that apparently sitting with your arms crossed like this, it's to close off like close yourself off from people, show
that you're not interested. And I think back on it, and this is probably my favorite way to sit, it's most comfortable and I had this realization: That's why I don't
have a blossoming social life. My aspie friends both in person and on the Internet weren't the only
ones who helped me deal with my Aspergers. I'd have to say that my biggest support
would be my mom. She went back to school to study
psychology so she could help people like me and their families. Through her, I've met other psychologists
like Dr. Wahlberg, an expert on autism spectrum disorders. I
decided to pay a visit to his clinic to ask a more about his perspective on
Aspergers. One of the things that I've learned in in what I do is personality comes first.
With all the kids that I see. whether they're on the spectrum or not.
Personality comes first, diagnosis comes second.
I tell people it's like saying everybody with diabetes is "this."
They behave this way, they think this way, their personality's this way--that's not
true. It's the same for those on the spectrum.
Personality comes first. So I have plenty of kids that I see on the spectrum that are introverted,
which is I think is some of the stereotypical-- you know, wants to sit in his room or her room
and play on the computer. You know, doesn't want to interact with people. That's half the kids I see.
The other half are extroverted. The other half want to be around other people,
want to engage with other people. One of the most important things to
realize is that people who have autism--whether it's high functioning autism or severe autism-- and if you have in your brain, you know
what a person with Aspergers maybe is, I think the most important thing is this
is the person. And every person is so different. So at about three years of age kids start to really
pay attention to other kids around them, the social environment.
I think with with individuals on the spectrum, if they're overwhelmed by the environment, they're trying to tune it out.
They're trying to manage it as opposed to taking it in. So I think they kinda head in the
opposite direction It's hard for an aspie to read
nonverbal cues and body language. Because they're already so busy
processing what's around them that it's just hard to pay attention to
those things. As a result of that, it might be very hard
for them to make friends, conversations can be really awkward--
they wouldn't be sure exactly what to do or say, it's hard for them to articulate what they're
thinking sometimes or how they're feeling. Probably the biggest negative effect of Aspergers for me has been pretty severe bouts of
depression. I've gotten better at coping with it
over time, but every once in a while, there's a
particularly bad one and I just kinda of shut down--I guess would be a good term for it. With my emotions, they're all pretty close together I can go from happy to sad very quickly, and for just about anything. Like, I'll be happy and then when I start to think about why I am happy, I realize that stimuli that's making me happy
may not always be there, and then I start to feel sad about that. So much of what I see with those in the spectrum, a lot of it's rooted in anxiety. Because of all the changing things that
are going on in the world. The older you get, the more you perceive how much you don't have control of,
which creates a lot of anger and anxiety and depression in a lot of kids that I see and young adults that I see. I tell people emotions for--
to begin with before therapy-- with a lot of kids on the spectrum, it's like a light switch. It's on or off.
Where I'm more like a dimmer switch. It takes me awhile to get upset and it also
takes me awhile to calm down. Where individuals on the spectrum, sometimes it's just--it's a light switch. Which other people don't understand. And I think what starts to develop then is more of the black-and-white way of seeing things. So that's--a way to control the environment is try to make it consistent. So of the sensory world's not making
sense, I want other things in my environment to be the same. So it's really a control thing.
The more they are overwhelmed over-stimulated,
the more they try to control. So they don't want furniture in the house
changing, they don't want different routes to school. That's not fun. So the challenge with the social interaction and the social world is it's always changing. It's always evolving.
You never know what's going to happen, what somebody's gonna say, how they're
going to react, how they're feeling that day. So a lot of times in therapy, what works
really well is getting individuals to understand that with the black-and-white thinking, you can really use that to your advantage, because it's all or none. I can't be extremely anxious about something
extremely calm at the same time. The body can't do that.
I could be in the middle. So little bit anxious, but not not overly
anxious. So I try to get them to see a continuum,
to break things down so then there's not such an overreaction to the change. So it doesn't get overwhelming when
something doesn't go exactly the way they want it. One of the things that has really helped
me cope with my Aspergers is having a routine and sticking to it. When my schedule is predictable, I have
a lot less anxiety. Having consistency helps me be able to
function better with other things like social situations. I would also reward myself when I have been consistently sticking to the routine. Rewards really help motivate me.
Another thing that's really helped me is trying to stay positive--
and I know it sounds kind of cheesy, but I put positivity into my routine so like, I'll have a time to sit down and write all the
things that day that were good and awesome. One thing that's really helped has been meeting Alyssa,
because up until that point, I didn't know anybody else with Aspergers that was my age. Alyssa: Matt is seeing The Bean for the first time! It's really shiny. Since Matt had never been to Illinois before, I decided to show him around. We went to Chicago, visited some shops,
and just hung out. Something about other aspies that
interests me is that because our brains are wired
differently, most of us make connections in a
different way. But just like neurotypicals, no two aspies are the same. So each of us has our own unique
thinking patterns. If I were to describe the way I think, it would mainly be visually and
sequentially. The best comparison would probably be
music video, because it is visual, you see images and
they're always in a certain sequence. Now Matt is a different story. I believe his thought processes are
actually closer to neurotypical than me and Katie's because
he thinks more verbally. I've heard a lot about people on the
spectrum, how a lot of them will think with pictures or images in their head. But for me, it's more of a verbal thought process. It's almost like talking to myself in
my head, you know, about what I need to do, what
needs to be done and what hasn't been done, that kind of thing. And it's kind of like a GPS. It'll like, guide me towards an objective. Well, as a generality,
aspies tend to view the world a little differently than neurotypical people--people without
Aspergers. So, a lot of times, we can come up with alternate solutions to a problem that neurotypical person may
not have thought of. But the same is also true for NT's,
they may think of a solution that we don't think of.
So I think that it kinda takes both sides working
together to come up with a joint solution, at times. Somebody described it to me once: an aspies and a neurotypical are standing side-by-side, and they hear the beating of hooves on the
ground. And the neurotypical person will automatically say, "Those are horses." And the aspie might say, "Well, who's to say it's not zebras?" I've heard that massive amounts of
imagination is pretty common among creative girls on the spectrum.
And that's a reason why Katie and I relate so well. We both have these vast inner wolds. But just calling them "vast" is an understatement. While my normal thinking tends to be more
conversational, my imagination tends to be a bit more visual. I can't remember a day in my life where I wouldn't be coming up with
something. If I had to describe my story it would have to be like having a TV inside my head. All the stories that I have are like the shows and they have crossovers constantly, and the genres are absolutely endless. A lot of fun. They are pretty much what keep me sane
throughout most my life. When I'm really stressed out they can either calm me down or help me to concentrate. If I just want to clear my mind I find a story that's the most comforting
at time, and then I just go there and play around. They keep me centered, in a way.
Couldn't imagine not ever having them. Throughout my life I've always had a huge imagination. In fact, a lot of times, my imagination
might seem a little more real than reality, because I'm so engrossed in it a lot. Also, because I'm visual, I can imagine things around me in the actual environment. I've actually been building a sort of
inner fantasy world in my head since I was about 17. I call Vael. It's a really beautiful place. There's one character in particular that I picture a lot. His name is Seamus, and he's an angel. And sometimes by picturing him with me,
it helps me get through things that I might be struggling with,
like if I am lonely or if I'm really anxious during a test, He'll just be there. Sometimes adolescents with Aspergers
have difficulty transitioning from that adolescent period into adulthood, And I believe that parents can play a
primary role helping them with that transition. Although I had known Katie and her family
for years, it wasn't until this conversation with Carol that I realized just how much she helped Katie and how far
Katie has come to improve her functioning skills. Once we brought her home for homeschool in October of 3rd grade, the first year, we just kinda had to save Katie. She was in a very, very difficult emotional time. It was the challenges of the school, schedule, the school environment, Not being able to learn at the schedule that the other kids were, they were getting to a much more 3rd grade-- they're getting into a much more testing environment. So she just had amazing anxiety and sadness. I wouldn't say depression, but she really was at that point. So we just--we went to museums, we went and adventured. We just did all kinds of stuff her first-year. We just kinda continued to expand
some of her opportunities for independence. The library's always been a big thing
as she got older. She'd print out a map from online and then we would draw the map and then we would ride the bike path
that we've set out for her to get the She would get the library by herself and
that was a huge thing for her. Then she would start going on errands for us. I mean, I paid a ton more for milk at the
neighborhood gas station but it was something that Katie could do for us,
and let me tell you, it was helpful to have her run over and get a
gallon milk if we were out of something. She loved to be of productive service to
the family. So, Alyssa went from a really positive middle school
experience where the staff and the teachers understood her and they
supported her to high school experience in different district
that didn't quite know what to do with Alyssa. They didn't quite understand where she
fit in socially or academically. And so my husband and I and Alyssa we weighed our options,
and we made the decision to homeschool. And over the course of Alyssa's homeschool experience, she was able to be involved in 4-H,
which helped her with her leadership skills, and then she was also involved in a
homeschool co-op, and that really helped her with her
social interactions. There were two notable experiences that
really helped Alyssa gain independence. The first was when she turned 16,
she wanted to apply for a job at Target. So, both she and I applied for the Target positions, and they allowed me to be a job coach
for the for several months, which really helped her transition into the work
environment. Another notable experience was when Alyssa entered a transition program two years before college. She emerged as a leader among
her peers, and it really helped her gain her independence. Nowadays I work as a bagger at a grocery store. I find a lot of fun, seeing the different types of people and interacting with them. My greatest joy in life nowadays
is trying to make people smile. To most people, bagging might be "Okay, yeah, you put things in a grocery bag. Big whoop." For me, it's talking with them.
It's not just bagging, it's bagging to make them like it. If they wanted their bags bagged a certain way,
then I bag it that way. Right now, I'm going to a small Christian University
and I'm majoring in film studies. I also feel very independent,
I have my own dorm room, I do my own cooking and cleaning and
shopping and I really like that because it makes
me feel like a responsible adult. I've always been an Honors student, academically. I plan on getting a degree in geological sciences. I believe that when I took an IQ test, it registered somewhere around 129, which would be about little over one and
a half standard deviations above average. Apies have this ability to something called hyperfocusing, where it's basically the same as focusing but compared to the normal person if
much more intense, and they focus on very specific things.
So when they get interested in something, they are REALLY interested in it. Like, if they like airplanes they might know everything there is to know about airplanes,
or maybe even a certain type of airplane, and how it's built and the history of that airplane. This can actually
eventually lead to them having a really great career that they love.
If there's something that they really like, and that is their job to do that,
they're gonna do really good at it. They might still struggle with
the social environment of having a job, but they'll be good at what they actually do. With a lot of the kids and young adults,
I talk about that you have superpowers. It just a matter of learning how to harness them.
Using them to your advantage. You can use them for good
or you can use them for not so good. When you use them for good, the sky's the limit. I read another article that long ago it said-- It hypothesized--that 90 percent of the
technological inventions we have today come from minds if those that are on the spectrum. Which I think is probably true. I think it's really important for the
business world to know that there's many many people with autism spectrum disorders that are very capable just the way that they're wired,
they can be very detail oriented, and just really good at finding errors. And I know there's some companies that
have really capitalized on that, and they have hired people with autism specifically
because of how their brains work, and it's made a much more productive. If I were to give any advice to an aspie in general, I would say get to know yourself and your needs, and realize that you do have limitations and try to work around them.
Don't be ashamed of them. Get help for them if you need the help,
like if you think counseling will help you, or maybe a mentor for social skills. Accept help because that's
gonna make life a little bit easier. Also, embrace your strengths!
Or as Dr. Wahlberg would say, your "superpowers." because all aspies, even though we have deficits,
we have superpowers. If I was to give a message to all the aspies, it'd be Don't give up, keep trudging forward, and find your happy place. If life is getting tough, then it's gonna get tough,
and sometimes that means you just gotta try and be tougher. Don't know what other people say bother you. Be proud of who you are and accept yourself for all your differences than what
society thinks is "normal." I were given a choice between having Aspergers Syndrome and not having it,
I would choose to have it, hands down. Because it's not something that I "have,"
it's who I am. It makes me... me.
