The Father Wound

please welcome from the Trinity Church in Scottsdale Arizona author of real marriage and internationally-known speaker Pastor Mark Driscoll I want to thank John I want to thank those that James you're ever we love you it's a great honor to be here with you and to be here with God's men let me pray father God we invite your presence we invite the person and the power of the Holy Spirit to open the scriptures which you've inspired to be written to open the hearts of men whom you have created to open the destinies and the legacies of the men that you have brought to this sacred meeting to be in your presence Lord Jesus keep yourself please in the center of our gaze and heal us in the presence of the father and father God we invite you to reveal yourself to these men in this moment to change their destiny to alter their legacy in the strong name of Jesus Christ amen never forget there was some years ago I was watching a UFC fight and there was a guy who finally had battled his way through the ranks not a very big guy but had a really powerful left hand and he won the championship for the UFC and as they were putting the belt strapped on him one of the commentators put a microphone in his face and asked him how are you feeling what do you have to say and I I'll never forget I was sitting at home that day and I was absolutely astonished that grown man that strong man that triumphant man started to weep bitterly and through his tears with a broken voice that emerged from a broken heart this man said looking at the camera see dad I did amount to something every fight he had ever had he put the face of his father on the body of his opponent and knocked them out until he was the toughest man in the world at his way class a successful man a strong man and a man with the father wound every fight he had ever had he was fighting his father battling his father engaging his father I read the story of his upbringing when he was a little boy around the age of seven he tells the story that his dad put a loaded gun in his mouth looked at him and told him I would pull the trigger but I don't think you're worth the cost of the bullet every man who's here is marked by his father for good or for evil by his father every man here is dominated by his father some of you will say I have no father your life your history your destiny thus far has been dominated by the empty chair at your dinner table when you were a little boy there are six kinds of father's which kind of father did you have what kind of father are you or will you be some of you the story of your dad is one that is tragic he died of cancer he got hit by a drunk driver he was a first responder for the military for the police department and or for the fire department and he died giving his life for the sacrifice and service of others you miss him but you're probably not embittered against him in fact you're probably proud of him for some of you the story of your father is terrible your father was a terrible man he was happy to sleep with your mother and then he left once you arrived he was not going to put food on the table he was not going to put a Bible in your hand he was not going to put a kiss on your forehead he abandoned you he was a terrible man some of you your father was tough he was there but he was more like a football coach he was more like a military drill sergeant he intimidated you he dominated you he bullied you he threatened you maybe even he raised the hand against you that's why some of you loved sports because it was the only way he got any affection or affirmation from your father some of you your dad was not tough he was present but he was tender he was a sweet guy he was a nice guy he was most huggable in high school he was most likable in college he was a real sweetheart of a guy but he had no spiritual vertabrae he was a jellyfish he wouldn't stand up he wouldn't fight for the family he couldn't make any money at work because the other guys would conquer and dominate him he let your sister date sleep with get abused raped by really bad tough guys and he didn't like conflict so he would put his family in harm's way if he was a Christian this was particularly confusing a man needs to know when to be tough he needs to know when to be tender some of you your father was tolerable he wasn't an awful man he wasn't an awesome man he did an okay job and compared to most he had it pretty good some are on the scale from Homer Simpson to Ned Flanders he was a c' student somewhere in the middle and some of you had a terrific dad your dad stayed faithful to your mom your dad gave you a Bible your dad but the family in the car took him to church to sit under the life-giving Word of God your faith your family was led by a man who knew when to be tough and tender your your father was present he worked hard he fed the family he provided not just financially but emotionally and spiritually he protected physically he informed theologically he pursued you evangelistically you had a terrific father not many of you did if you did you need to know you're a unicorn now for the other men in the stadium we've heard about terrific fathers we didn't see one ever we thought they were Neri fictitious creation we didn't know they're real how about you what kind of dab did you have I was watching the NFL Draft the other night I won't thank my mom I want to thank my grandma what about your dad I don't know where he is is it amazing that in in the sport that we find the most masculine the most aggressive men maybe they're all fighting their father how about you what was your dad like God told me two things I'm supposed to do before I get on a plane later today he wants to heal you and then he wants to fill you and then eventually he's going to send you but this is where God needs to heal you let's talk not about you let's talk about your dad you didn't arrive on this planet like the Lord Jesus with no earthly father you came from some man what does he like tell you a little bit about my story we were O'Driscoll Irish Irish so we had two emotions angry drunk those are our emotions you put those together and it was not good we were the old Driscoll's in County Cork Southern Ireland right Irish Catholic so if you're here Catholic boy welcome my name is father mark I hope you enjoy the mass right my family violent drunken mean nasty man not great guys we were pirates I'm not making that up we were pirates one of the most legendary things we did we rowed out in the Baltimore Harbor and seized a ship filled with wine we were not just pirates we were alcohol pirates right that's varsity that's what that is varsity pirate so we rode out we seized the ship filled with wine we took all the wine and we drank most of it I think we sold some of it it started an international incident where the nation that was transporting the wine came back took a bunch of Irish from and a bunch of us mix took us his slaves that's that's our claim to fame here's my point don't judge a man by where he's at judging by where he started some of you guys your dad was a deacon you were born in the redzone some of you guys you dad was an alcoholic you're born on the 5-yard line you had 95 yards to go some of us were born in the parking lot we didn't make it into the stadium okay what happened then is the men of my family alcohol violence not a good bunch of men then the potato famine hits we're starving to death my great great I don't know how far down the line grandma dies have either typhoid or starvation my great-great great-great whatever it is grandpa makes the long walk from County Cork up to Dublin jumps on a coffin ship they call it a coffin ship because it was built to transport goods not people and most of the people who ventured under the hull of that ship died he went alone as a widow landed in New York the mix weren't super welcome so he ended up going to be of course a red potato farmer that's what us Irishmen do we drink alcohol and we grow potatoes that's what we do end up in Grand Forks North Dakota got a plot of land married another woman started having kids that's where I was born at the family homestead and it was not impressive when I was a little boy I went to visit my grandpa didn't really know him because there was such alcohol and violence in my family when I was born my mom moved us far far far away as soon as we could afford a full tank of gas we left I went back to see my grandpa when he was dying he had a janky little house the corner of which was held up by a car jack I don't think that was the intended use of the car jack that was a modification we come from poverty we come from violence we come from father son father son father son tragedy tragedy tragedy tragedy tragedy and then at the age of 19 God saved me and I met my Heavenly Father and then God did something extraordinary and that is when I was a young man God saved my father do not stop praying for your father do not be embittered against your father pray for your father wait for your father in heaven to deal with your father on earth my dad got saved met Jesus became a completely different man one of the most historic days of my whole life we were in the Jordan River where Jesus was baptized and I'm there with my dad and my son his grandson i baptize my dad and we turned around and baptized my son three generations curse broken curse broken here's what I found there's only one thing more powerful than a man and that's the gospel of Jesus Christ it's the one thing that will break a man in a good way it's the one thing that will heal a man in the right way it's the one thing that will surrender a man in a triumphant way what I want to talk to you about is something that I don't believe I have ever talked about publicly it is something that affects all of us culturally and it is likely the reason that you are here I will call it the father wound my text is Malachi 4 5 & 6 those of either know the Bible this is the last verse of the Old Testament what are you save for the end that which is most important we saved the best for last this is the last word of the Old Testament this is God's final statement and then there are 400 years of silence until Jesus comes to deal with this problem his that is John this is Jesus homeschooled oddball cousin okay John lived in the woods ate bugs and honey or a Jedi robe he was eccentric okay that's how homeschool kids are that's John John's preaching will turn the hearts of what's the word father's raise your hand if you're a father how's your heart where's your heart to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers otherwise I will come and strike the land with a wood America's cursed you were born in a cursed nation you grew up in a curse nation you live in a curse nation if you are a father you're raising your children in a curse nation if you have grandchildren you are raising them up in a curse nation our land is cursed because the hearts of fathers are not toward their children the fact that the most dangerous place for a child to exist is their mother's womb indicates that fathers do not have hearts for their children and children do not have hearts for their father's good luck trying to get a television show called father knows best on television today every cultural depiction of a father is of an idiot who is absent and every movie that your children watch the dad is an imbecile the child is brilliant and the pet that is the dog cat gopher saves the day and dad didn't even know it right things are not going well for fathers and their children for the first time in our nation's history the majority of children born to women under the age of 30 are born out of wedlock 40 percent of children go to bed tonight without a father at some point the majority of children will live in a home not with their father but with their mother's boyfriend it is normative today to have no father you get to the teen years the number one consumer of pornography is 12 to 17 year old boys they're not marrying til 30 which means from 12 to 30 they are preparing themselves for nothing but a head-on collision as fathers as men get a little bit older we've created something called adolescence it's a new life stage it used to be you were a boy you go through a rite of passage you become a man Paul says when I was a child when I was a boy I thought like a boy acted like a boy I reasoned like a boy I spoke like a boy when I became a man I put childish ways behind me we created this extended season of adolescence and now guys in their 20s are the least likely to go to church the least likely to be in college the least likely to have a driver's license compared to women not only that today among young millennial men more are living with their mother than their wife how do you know if you've got a father wound some men have a great fear of marriage and family they are paranoid and paralyzed to marry and have children and take on that responsibility I call them boys who can shave they look like men but they refuse to take the responsibility that God assigns to men some of you it marks itself with the rebellious spirit a father is to provide an authority structure and if you have a father wound you rebel against all authority and you think it's punk rock and cool it's not one dad said Amen all right number three the father wound shows up when you're very self indulgent because if you grow up in a home with you and your mom and there's no dad mom makes you the center of the home if there's a dad you realize very quickly I'm not the most important man here and then some of you are theological some of you like me are nerds some of you read books written by dead guys that's because you have a father wound you don't want a father who's really involved in your life so you wear a Spurgeon Edwards Luther or Calvin is my homeboy t-shirt because for you you've got a father wound and you've picked a dead guy to be your daddy gotcha part of it shows itself up with this recent phenomena of God his mother Jesus said to pray our Father I didn't know that was confusing God is not engendered but he reveals himself his father Oh unpack that in a moment but some of you have a hard time relating to God his father and it's because of a father wound some of you it's brother battles in your church in your ministry in your company it's all young man and it's all conflict all the time because there's no father in the house and lastly it projects itself forward with a bad view of God most of your views of God are either a projection of your view of your earthly father or a rejection of your view of your earthly father let me say that again your view of God tends to be a projection or rejection of your earthly father a theist I got no dad agnostic I never met him theists he lives far away isn't involved in my life Arminian he lets me do what I want Calvinism he's overbearing domineering and not very nice liberal he just he buys my beer he lets me do whatever I want because he loves me he's a permissive parent in the charismatic and Pentecostal traditions the Holy Spirit is loved in the reformed fundamental Bible world evangelical world Jesus is loved it doesn't matter where you go the father is forgotten good luck finding any teaching about the father it's why some of you guys love Jesus let me do this very carefully let me thread the needle I love Jesus I'll just lean over the plate and take one for our team amen I do love Jesus but some of you would say I love Jesus but you can't say I love the father some of you say I want a personal relationship with Jesus you can't say I want a personal relationship with the father some of you say I want to be like Jesus but you can't say I want to be like the father it's because you have a father wound and you don't understand the Fatherhood of God that's why some of you get so excited about Jesus because you love it you love a focus where the son is the hero and the father is forgotten geez says I am the way the truth the life no one comes to the Father but through me Jesus job is to get you to your death Jesus gives him your forgiveness your father gives you your healing you could be forgiven it's still broken the spirits job is to get you to the Sun for forgiveness the sun's job is to introduce you to your father for your healing I want to talk to you about God the Father we want to heal your father wound today we want to free you up to be a good father physically or spiritually now here's how the Lord Jesus taught us to pray in Matthew 6:9 you've all heard it they come to Jesus they want to know how to pray Jesus says pray like this pretty simple what's he saying our Father our Father that's what he says who art in heaven okay now here's the deal we live listen to me you young too-cool-for-school I roll my own cigarettes I got a tattoo and I could play guitar you guys need to pay double attention and make notes on this we live our life not culture up but kingdom down the problem with the whole world it's living culture up you're the men of God you need to know culture comes to an end and the kingdom of God endures forever that we're to live Kingdom down so we don't look at the culture and father's and project that on God the Father we look at the kingdom meet our Father and then judge and evaluate fatherhood in all cultures by the character of that father our Father now this is unique when you read the Old Testament roughly 15 occasion it'll say something about the Fatherhood of God usually in relation to the nation of Israel not to an individual all of that changes when Jesus comes along roughly 165 times off the lips of Jesus that we read in the Gospels the four biographies telling his story he's calls Godfather it's Jesus favorite title for God Father hundred and sixty-five times how often do you talk to God the Father how often do you talk about God the Father I'm brillant blessed have five children three boys two girls I would be devastated in my home if I never heard my name there is no indication that any religious teacher of note used the concept of ABBA or father in reference to God until Jesus utters these words Jesus alters human history he reframes our destiny he reveals to us the Father he opens up historically a brand-new unprecedented unparalleled understanding of God as a father so in the remaining time that I have I want to talk about the relationship of God the son with God the Father I want you to see that your relationship with God the Father should be patterned after the relationship of God the Son firstly Jesus lived from the father's identity you may remember the story when Jesus was being baptized he comes up out of the water the entire Trinity is there the father speaks from heaven the son is coming out of the water the Holy Spirit is descending in the form of a dove and a voice comes from where heaven whose voice is that that's the voice of the father and here's what he says this is my my son in whom I am well pleased Jesus worked from his identity not for his identity you need to know this you achievers God didn't create you to be achievers he created you to be receivers your identity is not something you achieve it's something you receive at this point Jesus has not preached a sermon he has not cast out a demon he has not performed a miracle and the father is well pleased before his son does anything if you are a son of the father he is pleased with you regardless of your performance and your identity will transform your activity who you are changes what you do when you know who you are then you know what to do some of you would ask I'm not a Christian who is my father if you were here my dear friend I love you I do not write the mail I deliver it my job is not to write the mail or to edit the mail but to deliver the mail I want to have a sober moment with any of you men who are not yet Christian spiritually speaking this is exactly what the Lord Jesus says your father is the devil none of you is an independent man there are only two teams in this stadium the sons of God and the sons of the devil those are the only two categories you my friend have the most important decision to make of your entire life will I receive the forgiveness that my big brother Jesus paid for on the cross and will I become adopted into the family of God as a son of God or where I live the rest of my life as a son of the devil and stand before the judgment seat of Christ to give an account along with my spiritual dad for those of you who do know and belong to the Lord Jesus and you are sons of the Living God Romans 8 speaks to you for all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God for you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear but you have received the spirit of adoption as sons by whom we cry Abba Father Abba Father that's my dad my dad knows me my dad loves me my dad seeks me my dad saves me my dad forgives me my god but that heals me my dad adores me my dad will never leave me my dad will never forsake me my dad will never abuse me my dad will never abandon me my dad will never lie to me my dad will never turn his back on me my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son my son those are my boys that's the father heart of God that's the father heart of God you're his son number two Jesus worshipped in the father's house Luke 2:49 he's a young man his mom and dad come looking for him Jesus where he been he said did you do not know that I needed to be in my father's house church isn't for God it's for you God don't need Church you do you do you need to lead your family to the father's house it's not your wife's duty to lead your family to the father's house if you are sitting on the couch well your wife takes your sons to the father's house you need to realize you're not the only son in that house and boy you need to get up out of the chair and go meet with your dad your boys will become like you your daughters will marry men like you so make sure you lead them to the father's house when the father converts statistically the mother and the children convert when he does not they do not you are the leader of your family the question is not are you the leader the question is are you leading them to the father's house you are to lead yourself and your family to the Church of Jesus Christ to sit under the Word of God to be in the presence of God to be with the people of God that's what sons do they spent time at the father's house number three Jesus reflected the father's heart he says if you've seen me you have seen the father the father lives in heaven we are here on earth Jesus comes as a mirror to reflect that's what worship is we're made the image and likeness of God to mirror so when we look at Jesus we see the Father's heart if you love the love of Jesus if you love the mercy of Jesus if you love the Justice of Jesus if you love the compassion of Jesus if you love the truthfulness of Jesus if you love the commitment of Jesus ultimately what you love is the Father's heart you love the Father's heart this is why you and I are here we're supposed to be like father like son not perfect like Jesus but we are to mirror the father we love with the Father's love we forgive with the father's forgiveness we give with the father's generosity one of the most sacred moments of my whole life when my daughter was little I sing with her despite this voice and I would pray with her and I'd read the kid's Bible with her and then she would look at me she'd say daddy wrapped me up like a burrito so I would tuck all the covers in around her and then she would say I'm so glad that I have two daddies a daddy in heaven who loves me and a daddy on earth who loves me too first time my little girl told me that I started crying she said daddy are you sad I said no I'm the happiest I've ever been when she hears the word father I want her to smile and not struggle now let me tell you that you need to forgive your earthly father if you want to reflect your heavenly father until you've forgiven your earthly father I don't know who he is I don't know what he said I don't know what he did some of you were here and you're blessed coz you had a terrific dad your conference could be in a phone booth for the rest of us okay for the rest of us you need to forgive your father on earth so that you can reflect your father in heaven you need to forgive your father and earth so you can reflect your father in heaven and Jesus says from the heart some of you this is the day that you need to forgive your father and send that case to your heavenly father and as a son choose not to try that case it doesn't mean that he is getting away with anything it means that you're trusting your Heavenly Father to deal with everything what that does that releases you from the place of bitterness judgment and vengeance and it puts you in the place of love forgiveness healing and blessing the last two I'll skip the next point for the sake of time Jesus surrendered to the Father's will one of the final statements we hear from the Lord Jesus is in mark 14 36 Abba Father all things are possible for you remove this cup from me yet not what I will but what you will a son articulates his pain his fear his longings his hopes his dreams his concerns to his father and says your will be done father I do not necessarily understand but I understand one thing and that is that I can trust you you and I as men need to understand that the safest place to be is in the will of God in this moment our big brother Jesus is getting ready to go to the cross and to suffer and to die in our place for our sins as our Savior and our substitute and to reconcile us to the Father so that we might be adopted into the family of God as the sons of God and in that moment he is struggling he is wrestling and he's articulating to the Father his struggle but it ultimately is surrender my dear friend I don't know where you're at today maybe you didn't want that divorce maybe you don't want that job maybe you didn't want to lose that job maybe maybe you're devastated that your children went wayward that whatever it is you're in your Gethsemane moment as Jesus was and you're up late at night as he was and you're shedding your tears as he did and you're filled with anxiety stress duress and distress and the father would say six son come talk to me come bring your burdens to me come bring your fears to me come bring your hopes to me but ultimately you need to surrender to me and trust me in the most difficult season of my life in recent years people come up to me and they'd ask how are you doing I said I don't even know how to answer that question but here's what I know I believe I'm in the Father's will it is not the absence of trouble trial or trauma but the presence of the father that makes life worth living I would rather go through hell with my father than live in heaven without him lastly Jesus took his father's hand as Jesus substitutes himself he is on the cross he is there's our big brother taking our place to pay the penalty for all of our sin that we might be forgiven by him and healed through reconciliation to our Father Jesus called out in a loud voice father into your hands I commend my spirit and with that he breathed this last the metaphor of taking the father's hand it's what every Son of God needs to do every moment of every day I love you I want to help you I want to see the father heal you I'll close with one story I've got five kids three boys two girls love them with all my heart and I'm blessed to be the dad to some wonderful kids and how many of you know that becoming a father is part of your healing when you look at your children and you realize God loves me like I love them that God's heart for me is like my heart for them some of you men who have become fathers it is your children that are part of your healing as you understand and receive the father heart of God some years ago we were gonna take a trip as a family to Scotland I was going to yell at people and that's what I do professionally and and so I kept telling the kids it's gonna be amazing I'm selling the trip my kids are little we're gonna see castles we're gonna go to John Knox's house we're gonna go see where they wrote the Scots confession of faith we're gonna go to st. John's Church we're gonna go to Mary Queen of Scots Castle we're gonna go down the Royal Mile in Edinburgh we're gonna catch a connecter flight in London we're gonna ride on a double-decker bus all my kids are like whoo I'm showing them photos I'm selling it my little boy he's usually a very compliant kid I always called my little buddy he's the youngest he just looked at me he's like I ain't going are you going I said sorry I start selling even more oh but you can ride in one of those black cabs facing backwards he's like I'm not going the more I sold it the more he opposed it I'm like a little buddy look at this I show him on the Internet look at the Royal Mile you're gonna go to castles where they had warriors I'll buy you a sword I'll buy you sword you want a one-handed sword or a two-handed sword he's like I ain't gon like man I get the more I sell it the more this kid is opposing it he's not a defiant kid eventually he literally put his foot down bowed up on me all like 26 pounds load up on me like I told you dad I told you for weeks I ain't going I got down on his level I said little buddy I'm your dad I won't have any fun unless you go with me he looked at me as like you're going I said yeah I'm going he said well go [Music] [Applause] [Music] the poor kids trying to figure out how to do exchange currency catch a connector at Heathrow figure out where the Royal Mile is he can't even read this is overwhelming I literally stood up and he I started chuckling I said well little buddy I'm sorry you didn't know that I'm gonna go with you he's like all cool dad he said I'll just hold your hand I reached down I held his hand I said yeah buddy just like this he said okay when do we go you are his little buddy you

Channel: Real Faith by Mark Driscoll

Views: 5,293

Rating: 4.8857141 out of 5

Keywords: Mark, Driscoll, ministry, thetrinitychurch, scottsdale, arizona, bible, teaching, gospel, theology, jesus, biblestudy, faith, bibleverse

Id: Sd5CxQzVJLM

Length: 41min 12sec (2472 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 22 2019