Proverbs #3 - How do you emotionally heal from a hurt?

[Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] well let me start by telling you I love you it's good to see I think this is gonna be a great day for you I think it's gonna be a day that God has on the calendar to meet with you and I've been praying for you all week and we're gonna answer this question how do you emotionally heal from a hurts and some of you will say that's in the past but if the if the problem is in the past but the pain is in the present then the problem continues and sometimes the key to your future is revisiting some things in your past and people say I don't want to go back I'm talking about going back to move forward think of it like a bow and arrow we're gonna go back and deal with a few things to load up power to move your life forward into God's will for you and as we get into this sermon we're gonna be in the book of Proverbs and I want to share with you an experience that our family had hopefully to earn your trust so that you let me speak into your life some years ago our family my wife Grace and I we've got five kids they all serve here at the church and we love you and some years ago we went through the most difficult devastating discouraging season of our entire life I mean it was it was not in any way something that I would even want for people that I don't like that's how bad it was and that being said in the middle of it we were really confused and a little bit overwhelmed and the result was that that we were trying to answer three questions and these are the questions that I'm going to ask you to consider in your own life today what is happening why is it happening how will we respond so the what the why now what is happening why is it happening how will we respond and in that season it was very clear to us that we needed wise counsel we needed to invite in godly safe insightful older more mature people we needed to have a trusting relationship with them we needed to have a private conversation with them and then have them help us determine the course of action going forward and they were tremendously helpful and this is the difference sometimes when we're hurting we're leaking and venting any of you do that so you just say whatever you're thinking to whoever is in front of you that's not a way of seeking wise counsel okay wise counsel is intentional it's prayerful and so as these people entered into the conversation and seasoned with us and they've remained as pastors to grace and I and our family each one came from a different background of Christianity they all loved Jesus and believed the Bible but it's like they brought a flashlight and here we are trying to find God's will but it's like we're in the dark they turn on their flash okay I see this they turn on their flashlight I see that they turn on their flashes all of a sudden different questions and different scriptures and different perspectives reveal to us the will of God and here's what we're going to do today we're going to look at sort of problem/solution cause-effect pain or hurt remedy or medication in eight categories and the reason I tell you this is that sometimes we do great harm and weaponize the Bible when we give a truthful verse to the wrong context in person think of it in this way and and this is what happens sometimes we just tell everybody you know well just get over it or repent or forget we just tell them the same thing and for one person it's wise counsel for another person it's actually a devastating prescription think of it in this way I was praying for you on my flight home from Nashville yesterday and this analogy came to mind when you have pain in your body you reach a certain point where that hurt reaches your pain threshold at that point I can't function as normal I need to get some help this is now a problem that I can't live with it needs to be remedied you go to the doctor perhaps they write you a prescription you then go to the pharmacy and they fill the prescription so it is with people would ever hurt or pain you are experiencing there needs to be a correct diagnosis and then the correct prescription of the appropriate scriptures because the medication that will heal one person will kill another what is true physically is also true spiritually and so my hope for and goal today is to help you to respond to the circumstances in your life in a way that is wise you're gonna read as you read proverbs 31 chapters you could read a chapter a week it's going to talk about evil people evil people are heard and then they multiply the hurt so somebody was mean to them and now they're mean somebody was harsh with them now they're harsh an evil person multiplies third in addition what a foolish person does they prolong the hurt their life isn't working the consequences have arrived and rather than course correcting they just continue they may make an excuse but they don't make a plan they may blame shift but they don't own their portion of responsibility and eventually the pain gets so great that the person who is foolish is forced to deal with reality the wise person is the one who goes through the same experience as the evil and the foolish person but they seek wise counsel and they try to determine exactly in the sight of God what is happening why is it happening and Lord how do you want me to respond now this being said for you to serve as wise Council for someone else or for someone to serve as wise counsel in your life is going to require attentive intentional listening and let's just be honest that our world is all about communicating and not listening everybody's talking nobody's listening I told you before my bachelor's degree is in communication there wasn't also an option to major in listening because our world cares a lot more about communicating than listening wise counsel starts by asking insightful questions what is happening why do you what do you think is happening why do you think it is happening and how do you think God would have you to respond and then helping that person process their problem now how do you know that you have reached the point of someone's hurt well they tend to overreact you bring up tell me about your dad I'm not talking about that okay I think we've you know it's like the metal detector okay I think we found something there let's talk about you know the early days in your marriage let's not we found something just like your body has pain and you become overly sensitive the same is true of your heart and soul you can have pain and then when something happens you're overreacting because you're not just reacting to that you're reacting to that which happened prior as well so I want us to use what I'm going to talk about today first for ourselves and then for others and what can happen again is we weaponize the Bible when we take a truthful scripture and we give it to the wrong person it's a misdiagnosis and it's a it's a misappropriated treatment I'll give you one case study then we'll jump into Proverbs so there is a case study in the book of Job it's in the Old Testament J OB and a guy few years ago he's like I was looking for a job I read the book of Job it doesn't tell you how to find a job it's not job it's junk so he's a book the Bible called Joe and it's the life story a case study of a man named Joe and so job it says is a righteous godly good man he's a great guy he loves the Lord he walks with the Lord faithfully God if you can imagine his life like a bucket God just poured blessing insert he's got a wife he's got kids his business is flourishing he's got plenty of money he's got a great reputation he's got health he's got a relationship with God his life is filled with the provision of God and then in an instant it's like the bottom of the bucket gets ripped out and his whole life is devastated in a very very Reef window of time his business dies his body gets boils and sickness family members die it's a crisis what happens is different people show up and they make different diagnoses and they give different prescriptions so his wife shows up and here's her council curse God and die that's her counsel that would be evil evil foolish wise that's evil she's like God obviously hates you why don't you just hate him and let's have this war okay Wow but sometimes we do that sometimes we take the Council of jobs wife we blame God for things that he didn't do job's friends I say that in quote job's friends come along and they only have one category sin and repentance sin causes suffering if you're suffering it must be because you're sinning okay job you're suffering where is your sin he's like I don't know they're like don't lie no I'm not sure okay well then it must be really nasty if you're not gonna just disclose it no I'm not sure what we're talking about come on come clean what's your dirty little secret what's your secret hidden sin get it out that's that's the miss diagnosis and it's the wrong prescription because the the Scriptures tell us that Joe loved the Lord so much that Satan Satan wanted to test him and what he said was you know Jill worships you because you bless him I bet if you stopped blessing him he'll stop worshipping you the whole thing was demonic it wasn't because of job sin it was because of Satan sin and he was a victim yet he remained faithful and he loved and served and he worship and was devoted to the Lord and then God in the future also blessed him again that being said as you look at your life your grief your pain your loss your hurt as you go to help others it's very important to categorically understand what is happening why and how to response I'm going to give you eight categories and the first two are repentance and forgiveness and the reason I tell you the case study of job is just to inform you that this is only the beginning of where we'll be going so I'm going to ask a series of eight questions these are diagnostic tools for heart surgery for you today is your hurt caused by your sin is your hurt caused by your sin because sometimes were hurting like I'm hurting so bad was it self-inflicted doesn't mean we don't love you and don't want to help but to be aware of that I'll give you an example when I was a kid I was working on a vehicle and the wrench slip and I smacked myself in the mouth this teenage kid I'm like ah but I didn't call 911 how low will Ike to report I hit myself with a wrench yeah well we're not gonna fill out paperwork for that and attorneys don't need to get involved that's just you it still hurts but it was self-inflicted there are times that we put the wrench in our own mouth there are times that we just cause ourselves pain and harm here's what he says in proverbs chapter 20 verse 9 who can say I have kept my heart pure I'm clean without sin anybody want to do that yep I'm perfect everything that's happened is their fault not mine I'm a victim me and Jesus share the same resume nobody could say that amen now it's not everything in our life as a result of sin but we need to be open to the possibility that we contributed at least a portion of the lion's share of the problem that we're facing it's an honesty it's saying okay before I put the binoculars on and look at you I'm gonna put the mirror in front of me and examine me says this in proverbs 19 3 when a man's folly brings his ways to ruin his heart rages against the Lord and what he says here is this that sometimes sinners become defiant and self-righteous even judgmental of God he says a guy makes foolish decisions his life craters and he blames God God if you would have shown up if you would have come through if you would have done what I told you to do then things would be different you have failed I am very angry and sometimes people get angry with God and they even excuse rebellion against God because their heart is raging against God this is where the heart is crucial the heart is the seat some center of who you are it's one of the great dominating themes of the entire Book of Proverbs and once you get the heart right the rest will sort itself out the heart is upstream the behavior is downstream the behavior is outward but ultimately the heart is inward and it really is a battle for your heart and if your heart is raging against the Lord no wise counsel will be of any benefit to you because ultimately I like to say that they want to proceeds the how to if a couple comes in and they're like we love the Lord we love each other we just drive each other crazy which is the definition of marriage by the way we love the Lord we love each other we drive each other crazy but we want to have a better relationship if they both want to then we can talk about the how to if they both come in and say I'm done I don't want to work on it I don't want to talk about it if there isn't a want to then know how to will be of any benefit what he's talking about here is the heart that rages the Lord doesn't want to walk in wisdom and so all the how to so this is where I tell you some of you there are people that you love that are self-destructing and you see that their end is going to be ruined their heart is railing against God you keep giving them wise counsel or good advice but ultimately you need to pray and address the situation of the heart thirdly proverbs 14:6 one who is wise and cautious and turns away from evil but a foolish and careless what he is saying is this that evil people foolish people and wise people all go through hard times and that ultimately we will make mistakes we will cross lines we will wander ventured down the inappropriate path we will find ourselves in some sort of complicated circumstance that was entirely of our own doing what do we do well fool is reckless and careless and just proceeds forward someone who is wise and cautious they turn from evil this is the language in the Old Testament of what the New Testament calls repentance you were doing this and you're like okay that leads to death I'm gonna pivot walk with the Lord in obedience and seek that which leads to life Christianity is all about God giving new beginnings to those who have made their life misery that's God now this being said repentance is three things its head heart hands in your mind you're like okay I I gotta stop thinking like this in your heart okay god I need new desires Holy Spirit changed my appetite give me a new palette for the things of God and then it's hands the decisions that you make practically and daily the repentance starts in the head it moves to the heart and it's revealed in the hands and the behavior ultimately changes I love you and I'm not picking on you and we're gonna hit seven more categories but how many of you the pain in your life right now is because of your own sin and that you have now reap what you've sown you're experiencing the consequences of the decisions you've made repenting of that is apologizing to God asking for Jesus forgiveness and then covenant sing with God by the power of the Holy Spirit I'm gonna make some changes in my life I'm gonna stop blaming everybody else and excusing myself and raging against God and I'm gonna seek the will of God I'm gonna trust the heart of God I'm gonna walk in the wisdom of God number two did someone sinned against you and hurt you not only do we sin were victims of sin some of you would say okay and this painful hurt or circumstance other people were involved I bear a small measure of responsibility but the majority of responsibility would be on their side of the ledger and this is often true proverbs 1410 the heart knows its own bitterness and no stranger shares its joy he's gonna keep coming back to the heart so my question to you would be if you had to choose one word to describe the condition of your heart today what would it be broken cheerful devoted wayward backslidden rebellious bitter is the word he uses here a bitter heart is where you have been sinned against and you've not forgiven now let me say this it is often not the size of the offense but the affection for the offender that determines the degree of hurt and potential bitterness what I mean is this a stranger can do something that is quite devastating and someone you love can do something that is in comparison quite minor and that hurts more because you had greater affection for them the situation may have not been a big deal but the relationship with the person was a big deal the people we are most likely to get bitter against are the people that we love the most that's why oftentimes unforgiveness and bitterness is a particular problem in family systems now what happens he says the bitter heart has no joy if you're bitter unforgiving hurt wounded jaded disappointment bearing a grudge keeping a record of wrong eventually it overtakes all of your life and you enjoy nothing because your heart is bitter I know people like this even when good things happen they're not happy even when blessing shows up their disposition is still dour it's not because God hasn't provided externally but because they Harbor bitterness and unforgiveness internally how about this proverbs 23 17 let not your heart envy sinners but continue in the fear of the Lord all day when someone hurts you or sins against you you're like why did they get to do that why did they get away with that why do they get tact like hey I'm gonna do it and it can tempt us to join them an evil and or folly you yelled at me I'm gonna yell at you you posted on my Facebook page okay we're gonna do this here we go everybody's gonna know and all of a sudden there's a mushroom cloud over your life it's just an absolute war what he says is when don't respond to hurt with hurt hate with hate if if your tendency is to get bitter bring it to God and he'll make it better don't envy sinners but fear the Lord that's a god first life and bringing your heart to God so that God could change your heart from bitter to better and then he also says this in proverbs 24 17 jesus is going to say something similar do not rejoice when whoo it's okay to say that somebody's an enemy if you have a lot of them you may be you know a little bitter just throwing it out there but but some people are enemies you're like men if they get an opportunity what they will do is harm me that's their thing do not rejoice when your enemy Falls let not your heart be glad when he stumbles Jesus says that were to forgive those and love those who persecute us and hate us and he says that we need to bless those who do evil against us the blessing of someone is the test of forgiveness so you say I've forgiven them okay have you blessed them heck no okay then you haven't forgiven them because the blessing is the test of forgiving I'm not gonna do something nice for them there are horrible person okay then you haven't forgiven like Jesus says quote from the heart there's still bitterness in the heart not forgiveness from the heart I told you so I saw this coming huh I told you this sounds gonna go down I predicted it you're welcome you know you should have listened to your mother so you had that mom okay this is this is rejoicing that they are suffering the the remedy to that is forgiving let me tell you what forgiveness is not five things five things that forgiveness is forgiveness is not necessarily between you and the person it's really between you and the Lord you may forgive them and they may not know you may not have communication with them maybe situation is such that they don't even know that they have really hurt you they're completely oblivious and unaware forgiving is primarily a matter between you and God not necessarily between you and them forgiveness is both a one-time event and an ongoing process it's a one-time event and an ongoing process how do I know they come to Jesus and here's the question how long do we got to forgive how many times we got to forgive somebody right he says seventy times seven I'm not good at math but that sounds like a lot amen that's a lot Geneva Matt what is that 490 times how many of you you're like I got to forgive 490 times if you're married you better otherwise you won't be married okay it's gonna be like 490 we call that Tuesday I know seventy times seven seventy times seven which is a one-time event and a process because sometimes somebody hurts us and then they keep hurting us or sometimes they hurt us and they've stopped but then the pain shows up in the future it's almost like you've been in a car wreck and you feel fine and the next day you wake up and you're like oh I'm totally out of alignment sometimes you get hit with something and you don't feel the consequences of it till later and then you need to forgive again in addition forgiveness number three is not enabling a crime foolishness here responsibility or sin well if you've forgiven me pay my rent no no no no no no no no no no forgiveness is not a blank check to bless your foolish and/or evil behavior you can call the cops you can let somebody suffer consequences and still have forgiven them forgiveness is not trust or reconciliation forgiveness can be free in a moment but Trust is earned over time and just because you've forgiven them doesn't mean you need to reconcile with them if you're dating and they cheat on you you don't need to be boyfriend and girlfriend you don't have to if you're working together and your business partner steals from you you don't have to continue to do business with them you have that freewill choice to decide what it is you should do in response to what they have done and that ultimately when it comes to this matter of forgiving it is not trust this will be a little painful but grace and forgiveness is an unlimited account Trust is an account that you make deposits and withdrawals and if someone only makes deposits never makes withdrawals you can't trust them you can't trust them that's somebody coats me recently like do you not trust me I don't even know you to trust you I need to get to know you and see whether or not you're trustworthy so forgiveness trust forgiveness reconciliation not identical number five your forgiveness is not God's forgiveness what you're doing is you're saying I'm not going to seek vengeance hold court and render a verdict over this person I'm going to hand that case to the Lord I'm gonna let God try the case I'm going to let God deal with the person and you may forgive them and God might send them to hell you have done what you should do they have not done what they should have done and that's repented to the law and sought his forgiveness in addition to yours I think forgiveness is number one forgiveness is responding to Jesus instead of the person who hurt you so when someone hurts you you can either react to them or respawn to him and sometimes when we feel hurt or offended it's almost like we get you know blinders on and all we see is that person and we don't look up and see the Lord when you're hurt it's important to step to the side and say okay this person is obscuring my view of Jesus let me get some silent solitude time of the Lord let me change my position okay Lord okay how do you want me to respond because I don't want to react to them I want to respond to him how many of you responding to him is always better than reacting to them how many of you reacting to them made it worse responding to him makes it better forgiveness is choosing to be both a forgiven and a forgiving person the Bible says Colossians Ephesians to forgive others as God in Christ is forgiven you so God forgives us gives us this gift of forgiveness and then we determine that we're going to share this gift that God gives us through Jesus Christ I'm a forgiving person and I need to be a forgiving person and it is primarily to maintain a healthy relationship with God whether or not this relationship is in fact healed number three forgiveness is transferring the burden to God so you don't have to carry it there are things in your past that are just too heavy for you and you don't have any resolution the person died they won't apologize they've not changed they don't even acknowledge the hurt that they've caused and it's like a it's like a burden that you bear it's a weight that you carry forgiveness is transferring that burden to the Lord Jesus who says my yoke is easy my burden is light and it's saying Jesus I can't carry this I need you to carry it Lord Jesus if I carry this it's gonna crush me so I need you to relieve me so forgiveness does it allows you to to move forward number four forgiveness is ceasing to control the outcome of events subjects we were like I can't forgive until they apologize and they own it and then they see it and once I get the outcome I'm seeking then I will apply forgiveness forgiveness says no I will put forgiveness at the starting line and trust God for the outcome not at the finish line if I get my outcome some of you are high control people high control people and it's because you don't trust God to have good for your future and you believe that if the outcome is not in your hand it will not be a good outcome you need to trust it's in God's hands this is particularly true of those who have suffered trauma have a lot of fears and as a result are high control forgiveness is allowing that burden to be transferred and also to hand the entire scenario over to the Lord and you get out of the seat of the sovereign and stop trying to control the future number five forgiveness is how you let go of sin and stress to heal spiritually emotionally and physically if you forgive your heart will cease being bitter and it will start getting better the Holy Spirit will flow through your heart because the Holy Spirit he is about forgiveness in addition as you forgive from the heart your heart is healed it's it then starts to renew your mind and to renew your joy and sometimes people have significant medical physical problems just because they are bound up from the pain of their past bitterness unforgiveness and as a result that causes stomach problems and heart attacks and and lots of stress and forgiveness is letting God heal you on the inside so you could start living on the outside who do you need to forgive what do you need to forgive these are the first two categories repentance of your sin forgiveness of their sin these are like two pedals on the bike for the Christian life you're going to need to use these frequently to make any forward progress but they're not the only categories again prescription is for the problem and this is not the only problem there are many others let's go to number three what powerful lies are you believing proverbs 1425 a truthful witness saves lives but one who breathes out lies is deceitful what he says is when circumstances happen we will ask what is happening why how should I respond those decisions are determined by truth or lies if it's the truth it brings us to reality and God if it is not the truth it leads us to deception and death this is why two people can go through the same circumstances at the same time and have completely different responses because one believes the truth and the other believes something that is a lie and let me say this when you are hurting that's when you are most susceptible to lying because your life is confused and complicated it's it's painful and problematic now your ears are open because you're open to some sort of solution or resolution this is where Satan will either send a spirit or a person to bring you a lie Jesus says in John 8 that Satan is a liar he's the father of lies lying is his native language some of you are bilingual Satan's bilingual he speaks all the nations of the earth but his primary first language is lying means he's incredibly adept at it and Jesus says you'll know the truth and the truth will set you free some of you because of the pain you've experienced have opened yourself up to lies that just multiply your pain I'll give you one more proverbs 1217 whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence but a false witness others to see I'm gonna ask you this question whose voice is loudest in your life it a mine I only get you now or a week I love you thanks for the hour if you didn't know it's gonna be an hour I'd be at least that but the most powerful voice in your life is your voice your thoughts your processing your verbalizing don't be a false witness in your own life don't be a false witness in your own life let me let me give you a couple of case studies the nice thing is I've I've been a pastor for a couple decades in multiple states so I can tell illustrations that aren't you so you're welcome so some years ago I'll give you a case study in a in a lie there was a woman who was married to a man who was regularly committing adultery on her he would go out with other women post photos of him with the other woman or women on social media he was an unbeliever she was a believer I met with her and I said okay what why how those are the questions I said what is happening she says my husband is unfaithful to me and he broadcasted and everyone knows and it's devastating and horrifying and she said he wants to have kids and start a family she said I'm not sure I want to bring kids into this world but I think we should okay okay that's what's happening okay why do you think that you need to stay in the marriage and maybe even have children with this man she said because God punishing me and I need to accept my punishment I said what do you mean she said well I shouldn't have dated him in the first place and I shouldn't have married him and now this is God just punishing me for marrying him is that truth or a lie that's a lie and you know it somebody be like that's crazy you believe things that are equally crazy but they make sense to you and when you verbalize them to someone else then they bear true witness to your false witness I looked at her I said no no no no no Jesus died on the cross the punishment was taken care of you don't need to get crucified every day by this man and then bring children into the world to also be crucified by this man Jesus died once for all so nobody else needs to get hung no you're forgiven pray for his soul maybe he repents odds are this does not have a happy ending but the end of the day you are believing a lie and that lie is interpreting your data of experience and it is determining your decision in response well what powerful lies do you believe and most powerful lies are about God and you and Jesus says the truth will set you free how about this one number four what foolish choices have made your life order how many of you how many of you have made foolish choices so we're like yes it was last night I have such a headache right so and I still can't find my car ok so what happens is some things are sinful some things are just stupid right well the Bible says thou shalt not go to the casino I'm just telling you their house is bigger than yours you're gonna lose that that's just how this is going to work it may not be sinful but it ain't smart it's kind of stupid there's lots of things that we do that are foolish maybe not necessarily sinful but just not helpful amen some of your like yeah my my spouse needs this sermon you did too welcome to both of you okay so proverbs 14 14 the backslider what this is this is someone that God has brought progress in your life you've stepped forward and now you're sliding back into old habits old patterns old routines old decisions you're sliding back the backslider in we're in heart again is your heart a backsliders heart if so it's a foolish heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways what he's talking about here is the principle of sowing and reaping right so wisdom reap fruit so folly reap pain foolish people they ignore or deny the biblical principle it's in Proverbs and elsewhere of sowing and reaping if you want a harvest here you better plant over here if you want to eat tomorrow you better sow seed for your crops today if you want a good marriage you better so into that you want a relationship with your kids you need to sow into that the easiest way to see this is to think about your retirement account think of it in financial terms just practically as one case study what happens if you don't sow into your retirement account you reap great devastation and pain in your elderly years and what this is this is people that don't understand the principle of delayed gratification well I wanted something so I put it on credit you know I wanted something so I spent all my money I wanted something and I didn't save and wait or I I didn't take time to cultivate instead I just consumed he says this iswell proverbs 22 23 get the truth and never sell it you may get a car and sell it you may get a house and sell it if you get truth that is a priceless family heirloom and pressure keep that wisdom and then give it as part of the inheritance to your kids and grandkids it's the most valuable thing you have more than money you need wisdom America keeps minting money and not making wise choices also get wisdom discipline good judgment these things go together wisdom is reality finding God's will discipline is ok these are the decisions I need to make to move forward and not be sliding back and that leads to good judgment I'll give you an example I talked to a guy some years ago he was I think in his 20s been a Christian for a while and he's like pester mark I needed to talk to you ok what's going on but he's like man life was going good and then everything just got torpedoed what happened he's like I lost my job my girlfriend dumped me and my car exploded I was like I'm I'm sorry you're living a country-western song I'm sorry you're in that situation if your dog runs away I'll get you guitar and you can sing about it ok so I said ok well what happened he so I told you my lost my job I lost my girlfriend my car blew up now I can't pay my bills I can't even pay my rent I said ok why do you think this happened he literally said I kid you know he's like I don't know maybe it's like job probably not Hey rock-paper-scissors Joe yeah I shouldn't pull that out right it's just now you may be job but probably not right if you read the Bible you like me and job and Jesus that's my Trinity you got it wrong okay I said okay tell me about your job why do you think you lost it he's like I don't know okay tell me about your job he's like I really didn't like the job I didn't have a heart for it and I showed up late a lot sir some some things are like a ninja they sneak up on you other things you just see them coming you don't get out of the way if you're like I'm not showing up and I don't like my job what I got fired who could have guessed I said okay tell me tell me about your girlfriend your ex-girlfriend he's like yeah she loved the Lord and he said honestly I was just kind of mean and cold and indifferent so she dumped me that's what happens this is not shock this is you made a foolish decision so I asked him I said tell me about your car sorry I don't know it's a good car and just blew up I was like were there any indications that there was a problem with the car he said well the check engine light was on okay all right because again foolish people don't deal with reality I actually know a guy who would put tape over the service engine light and pretend that his car was fine okay I know that guy some of your like that's a good idea no it's not this guy's like yeah that check in July was I said how long was the check engine light on and until the car exploded he said oh no a couple months his whole life was deferred maintenance he he didn't do the maintenance on his job he didn't do the maintenance on his relationship he didn't do the maintenance on his car he didn't do the maintenance on its finances I looked at him I said okay here's what happened here's why it happened how do you want me to respond he said Pastor Mark I need money I said you need wisdom because I can give you money and without wisdom we will arrive at this same scenario money is not your problem wisdom is your problem I did give him money and I tried to give him wisdom but I told him this is it this is an opportunity for you to make some changes and if you don't the pain will continue how many things in your life it's deferred maintenance you didn't watch your diet you didn't watch your health you didn't watch your money you didn't watch your relationships you didn't watch your home you didn't watch your portfolio you didn't watch your car and all of a sudden everything breaks the way out of that is wisdom which is going to take some work and obedience over time it's oftentimes not a quick fix because it took a long time for the problem to come and sometimes it takes an equally lengthy period of time to resolve the problem number five a pivot here how is life broken you if you live on planet Earth at some point life will break you life is hard amen it's it's so bad nobody gets out alive that's how bad life is that life at some point circumstances are going to break you proverbs 15:13 a glad heart makes a cheerful face but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed he's saying that the face is oftentimes a reflection of and a window into the heart you can look at somebody who's there just beaming you're like okay what's going on your cirhappy you see somebody else you're like oh my gosh what happened because the face reveals the heart and what he's talking about here is a heart where the spirit is what crushed at various points in varying ways we all experience a crushing it could be financial emotional mental spiritual relational parental ID you get crushed and it's not I sinned are they sinned or we were stupid or it's just life is broken this is where you really love your spouse and they get cancer this is where you really love your kids and they go prodigal this is where you were good with your finances and your investment broker ran away with it okay I don't think it's my sin necessarily maybe it was their sin sometimes it's just brokenness sometimes it's just brokenness I know somebody that was healthy they lived a very healthy lifestyle and recently prematurely they just dropped out of a heart attack right and now the wife and kids are dealing with the aftermath it's just brokenness because of the fallen world we live in proverbs 17:22 a cheerful heart is good medicine but a broken spirit saps a person's strength you know that life is broken you and you just don't have the energy to continue you're just tired and it's not just awareness of the body it's a weariness of the heart and soul you're just like I can't do it I don't have it I'm not doing good I'm not sure I'm gonna make it you just exalt I just want to go home I just want to be left alone i i'm just broken in the bible there are two kinds of brokenness one is hopeless the other is hopeful the hopeless brokenness is where life breaks you and you don't bring your brokenness to god for healing and so you just live broken that's hopeless the hopeful brokenness in the bible is their sin or follow your rebellion in your life and then the holy spirit breaks through and breaks you now you've got a broken heart but it's a heart that is broken over sin and it is healed through obedience so when your heart is broken the question is is this to break you or to create your breakthrough and sometimes brokenness is the means to break through if we are broken over the things that break god's heart and we bring our heart to god to be healed let me say this as well i love ministering the men it's part of god's anointing and calling on my life sometimes bad men are broken men sometimes a bad person and a broken person can do the exact same thing but this person is acting badly because they've been broken badly and they've not brought it to the lord for healing and health that's why if you listen and ask people stories telling about your upbringing tell about your parents talking about your family tell me about an average day when you were a kid you start to get a scenario of what perhaps has broken them because sometimes if it's brokenness internally and bad behavior externally if all we do is go after the external behavior or not the internal brokenness we're not really helping the person and let me just say this as well this is parenting it's getting to the matters of the heart knowing that what is internal will eventually determine what occurs external but it's just brokenness how many of you broken a bone we use a physical analogy for a spiritual illustration when you break a bone what do you do so you say break a bone what do you do you go find it professionally like it's I need it reset and then I need to pay attention and be sensitive and considerate of it I need to give it some time so that it can heal and reset and then I'll probably need to go through physical therapy and rehabilitation to get back to normal not only the bones get broken soda hearts and when the heart is broken it needs the same thing that a broken bone needs somebody who is wise to reset it a lot of grace to protect it and time to heal it some of you have been broken but you have just proceeded forward I had know people that say things like I can't deal with that I can't revisit that I don't have time for that I didn't I can't fall apart too much depends on me well your future will not be healthy unless your heart is healthy so doing more is not your priority becoming more must be your priority give you an example some years ago there was a lady that Grayson I knew her and her husband great family newer Christians love the Lord real major you know transition transformation life story they had a few kids they were good parents they love their kids we love their kids she kept up she really want to have more kids she kept having miscarriages multiple you know what that is that's that's breaking that leads to broken this and so I heard that we were on vacation in Oregon at the time and I heard that she had another miscarriage she was in the process of miss caring so I called her up and I think it talked to her husband is welding is a little well family call and I said what okay what's happening she said I'm miscarrying again okay why do you think this is happening she said I think God is crushing my idol of children I was like what yeah yeah somebody told me that when you have an idol God must crush it and he keeps crushing my children so they must be my idol that is a scripture that doesn't apply to this situation right good medication wrong prescription I said I know you well your children are not an idol you love the Lord and you love children God is not in heaven every time you get pregnant loading the gun and shooting the baby in your womb Oh got to get rid of that Idol got get rid of that I will get rid of that idol I said that it you're believing a lie and I said all that lie will continue to do is break you you won't heal I told her I said you know what your heart needs a funeral you you you need to give yourself permission and time to work through a grief process this broken heart might take some time to heal you've lost multiple children let me give you permission to look at your life make some adjustments to carve out the time and energy to heal brokenness in the presence of God God loves you God wants good for you God wants you to have a healthy heart so that you can have a cheerful face number six do you feel guilty dirty or undeserving I am short on time let me hustle proverbs 30:12 there are those who are clean in their own eyes but not washed of their filth the Bible has some dozen words uncleanness defilement filth certain people in the Bible when they walk into a room they were to declare unclean unclean that was their irrevocable irreversible identity there are people who are dirty and defiled and they're like I'm fine and they're proud of things that they should be ashamed of there are people who know that they are defiled they did something wrong that made them dirty or unclean but I fixed it I pulled myself up by my bootstraps I I got out of that no that's not how this works and then there are those of us who because of either sin we've committed or sin that's been committed against us we feel dirty we feel defiled we feel unclean we feel ashamed you know that you have a lingering sense of defilement when you hide from God's presence are filled with shame and cover yourself so that no one knows who you truly are what you've truly done this is why people leave church and small groups and relationships they do something that makes them feel very dirty they're like I don't want anybody to see that therefore I need to flee from God's presence and people all of this starts in Genesis 3 were our first parents they did something wrong and for the first time in human history it says that they felt shame and God showed up to be present with them and they flee from the presence of God and they make big leaves to cover themselves this is what shame filled people do so what's the answer what's the solution what's the resolution let me say this what we're talking about here is your identity and your identity comes in one of three ways what you have done what they have done to you or Jesus has done for you those are the three ways to form an identity if your identity is based upon what you've done then you're either going to be arrogant or despairing I'm awesome or I'm awful if your identity is based upon what others have done to you then they are not God have set your identity which is probably alive our identity as believers is rooted in what Jesus has done for us and now let me just say this too I'm wait way over time and way off notes but I just feel this is important often times this is in regard to sexual sin one of the first places that I can remember I think it's in Genesis 34 that it is said that they were defiled it speaks of a woman who was sexually assaulted she was defiled sometimes those kinds of transgressions are the most shameful and they are the most they are most defiling and give you a little line of what Jesus did for your hebrews 12:2 it says to look to Jesus who endured the cross and despised the shame Jesus not only died for your sin he died for your shame not only does he take away your sin he takes away your shame and so the sin goes to Jesus and the shame goes to Jesus and the righteousness and the cleanness comes to you this is why God's people get to wear white because they are defined not by what they have done or others have done to them but by what Jesus has done for them and I want this for you this is why some of you are like yeah I'm not gonna serve I'm not gonna host a live group I'm not gonna talk about God I just am ashamed of some things I've done and I just gonna keep my head down and no no no lift your face up to Jesus have that shame lifted and that burden removed in that that filth clean people who don't understand this they know that they're forgiven but they don't know that they're clean it's important to know both case study some years ago is talking to a woman she just kept dating losers single gal love the Lord nice gal she was otherwise successful in her career but when it came to guys her picker was broken if a loser showed up that was her first round draft choice and I was like you got to rethink your whole draft board you you you you pick the worst guy I said why do you keep dating these really bad guys she said quote because I'm damaged goods I said explain that she said well when I was little some things were done to me and when I was a teenager I was rebellious and I did some things and as a result I'm damaged goods I literally started crying and I looked at her and I said you are not damaged you are daughter god is a father what was done to you defiled you it caused you to do things that further defiled you and Jesus died to forgive what you have done and to cleanse what you and they have done and the father's heart is for you he doesn't call you damaged he calls you daughter she looked at me she's like I'm a daughter you're a daughter you're a daughter of God the Father no one the lights in their defilement but fathers do delight in their daughters that's the father heart of God number seven there are eight just that's that's not an apology it's just an acknowledgement I get paid by the point you're gonna be here awhile okay number seven who or what do you fear fear is what negates faith you either live the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom or the fear of someone else so it's either God first or someone or something else first proverbs 12:25 anxiety people struggle with anxiety right number one prescription category of medication in America antidepressants and many people have trouble sleeping and these go together anxiety demands heart weighs them down you're looking at the future you're stressed you're worried you're anxious it's gonna be bad it's not gonna go good oh my gosh brace myself for this apocalyptic doom that I see on the horizon a couple of things about fear fear of tomorrow Rob's you of joy today fear turns you into a false prophet a false prophet is one who predicts a future that doesn't come to pass we've all done this in our life right you're like I look down the corridor of time a train is coming and I can't get off the track it's going to destroy me and then you're like no that was just a kid with a flashlight I overreacted I just overreacted how many of you have freaked out about things that never happened number Y - Kay it's great case study we were told what the end of the world is coming the Antichrist will emerge all the computers will reset at midnight at the change of the millennium the power grid will drop demons will rise from hell people are gonna eat all the food and when they run out they're gonna eat you and your family okay so everybody moved to press kit they're like we're out okay so they got bunkers and guns and canned goods and what happened nothing some of you are still eating those canned goods that's how much you stocked up like man we still got beans because see what fear does it causes us to look into the future and erase the presence of God faith causes us to look into the future and assume the presence of God how do you know you're anxious or stressed how do you sleep proverbs 3:24 you can go to bed without it's me like no you can't let God be true and every man a liar so you're like oh because your mind is so anxious that your heart is not restful you can go to bed without fear you will lie down in one sleep soundly sleep soundly in addition to general fear possibly the most powerful fear is what I'll call the fear of man proverbs 29:25 fearing people is a dangerous trap but trusting the Lord means safety he's juxtaposing faith in God and fear of people when you fear someone you are lifting them up above you and it obscures your view of God and all of your decision-making is to control their behavior bless me don't punish me don't make this hurt don't make this awkward I'll do whatever you want just don't give me what I don't want okay this is domineering overbearing bullies pushy people and some of you have fear of man issues you know that you have fear of man when their opinion matters too much and your decision is based upon seeking to control their reaction ultimately you cannot live with someone as Lord and Jesus as Lord there's only one Lord still the woman some years ago which came up to me between event sessions and it was a rushed time and she's are you okay I just no I got a few minutes let me just tell you she's like I might moved to this city or that city or go to this College of that College you take this job or that job is like okay what about that she's like well what if what if my parents came out what about this what if my boyfriend gets mad okay what about this what if my church gets mad okay well what about this city well what if it's too cold and what if it's too hot and just like every possible scenario for her was an apocalyptic what if I said you have got to stop worrying about what they're thinking find what he's thinking stop worry about what they're saying and hear what he's saying fear does not lead you into the will of God only faith leads you into the will of God who or what the you fear is that the problem then faith is the solution last one have you heart into your heart we're like mark you've been yelling at me for 65 minutes this happened a long time ago proverbs 2814 blessed is the one who fears the Lord always God doesn't just bless people he blesses people whose hearts are for him so be like why does God bless them and not them we'll check the heart right if your heart is not good God can't bless that which is against him but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity question is life hard it is but a hard life does not need to produce a hard heart what happens when life gets hard we harden our heart and when someone reveals our hardened heart we blame our hard life well of course I'm angry look what happened of course I respond this way look at how I was treated and when we do that we are disarming the person who's seeking to help us because what we're saying is I'm a victim therefore I get to have a hard heart and if you want to talk to me about my heart heart I will shift the topic to my tragic terrible tale of what happened to me and why I am the way that I am and then he who have no right to talk to me because I'm a victim and I've been through a lot and you don't understand and you can't judge me - sound familiar to anybody your heart is under your just jurisdiction your heart is your responsibility this is why two people can go through the same thing one emerges with a tender heart and the other emerges with a hardened heart because they made different decisions in regards to their relationship with God the parents used to say the same Sun that melts the ice hardens the clay right your heart is for the Lord it will melt if your heart is against the Lord it will bake how many of you have got a heart heart or who is your heart hard toward my spouse and my kid those people yeah I got nothing for them what a hard heart is it's a tomb that you put your soul in until they put your body in a different tomb the reason that you harden your heart is you don't want to feel pain but the result is you don't feel anything these are men who are flatline zeros on the Richter scale of emotion they're not happy they're not sad they're just hard they're just hard today Jesus wants to perform heart surgery in you Jesus wants to fulfill a promise given Ezekiel that God would take out your old heart and give you a new heart he would take out your heart heart and give you a tender heart here's how this is going to be possible all invite the band up and we'll get ready to sing and partake of communion but let me explain how this works we sin against God God did not harden his heart toward you instead he sent His only Son Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ is God's heart for you Jesus lives without any sin of any sort or kind and we prepare to murder him so in the Garden of Gethsemane the night before Jesus was betrayed and died his heart was wrestling with the father's heart Jesus said take this cup from me what he's talking about is I don't want to be separated from you I want to suffer like this this pain is beyond my threshold to bear I cannot endure the wrath of God is there any other way for our hearts to be tender toward others without me being crushed in their place and then he surrendered his heart to the Father's heart he surrendered his will to the Father's will and he said your will be done and then Jesus goes to the cross and Jesus on the cross died so that you could experience the tender heart of God and you could receive a tender heart from God aren't you glad on the cross that Jesus didn't harden his heart and say no no forgiveness for them no life for them no peace for them no joy for them my heart is hard against them somewhat Jesus said or did they ran a spear through Jesus side it punctured his sack Jesus literally died spiritually and physically of a broken heart Jesus Christ is the heart of God for you his heart is tender not hard it is forgiving not bitter it is wise not foolish it is life-giving it is not burden giving I want you to bring your heart to Jesus I want this to be a sacred meeting between you and him because I can provide information but only God can provide transformation I can provide information but only God can provide impartation I love you thank you for the honor of letting me teach and now I want you to meet with God

Channel: Real Faith by Mark Driscoll

Views: 16,678

Rating: 4.8317151 out of 5

Keywords: Mark, Driscoll, ministry, thetrinitychurch, scottsdale, arizona, bible, teaching, gospel, theology, jesus, biblestudy, faith, bibleverse, Emotionally, Hurts, Heal, Jesus, Pain

Id: QLXTbGro3Hc

Length: 72min 18sec (4338 seconds)

Published: Mon Aug 26 2019