The Father Wound | Otto Kelly | TEDxCarsonCity

[Music] you know this is something that's real passionate to me I am the executive director of crisis pregnancy center and they're not calling you know I see young ladies and young men coming through our doors with a lack of fathering and when we see that lack of fathering when they witness a strong male figure something in them two takes place something positive takes place within them and what's interesting about that is that they begin to see themselves in a positive light please understand this that every single social ill that we're dealing with is directly or indirectly related to fatherlessness do you realize that close to 81 percent of teen pregnancies come from fatherless homes I'm talking 80 percent of all of our kids that are on the street right now homeless fatherless homes we're talking seventy-one percent of the male population in the penal system right now fatherless homes now these are just a few of the documented stats I mean the economic impact cannot even be calculated because it's estimated that's forty one percent of the kids that are in fatherless homes will be poorer than their biological dad it is just absolutely astonishing now again I'm the executive director of crisis pregnancy center here in Reno and I've developed a program called Daddy Academy now the probability of these young men coming through our doors understanding what it is to be a father it's pretty dim pretty pretty dim especially in light of the facts that I just mentioned and so we what we've done is we we develop programs and we don't develop workshops that's specifically designated to help them see the importance of fathers fathering and we've expanded this not only to our community outreach and not only in our areas of our of our teens but we also spread it out in the community we've got local local judges that have grabbed ahold of our programs we have local people that are seriously involved in what we're trying to do now the interesting thing about this we've seen a dramatic change as a direct result of this program you know I was talking to some of our young ladies and it was for things that they said that they wish they had those four things when they grew up without a dad was this they said they wish they had protection they said they wish they had provision they said they wish they had presence and they wish they had praise now I want you to hear what's happening because I've talked also to some of the guys out there some of the pimps out there they said not every young lady is pimple but when she lacks those very things when she lacks those things that would cause her to feel better about herself she's more willing to do things that goes against her morals it's unbelievably uncaring their father riff and the father wound that is so prevalent we're talking 24 million children right now globally and fatherless homes so I'm asking this this afternoon free to listen to what I have to say because this wound is deep it's extremely deep and it affects our whole culture now hear my heart when I say this mothers I'm not saying that you're not doing a great job because you are but there's certain things that only a father can feel there's only certain things that a dad can bring to bear now I'll be I'll be perfectly frank with you I didn't have didn't have a father growing up my dad died when I was in middle school and when he died when I was in middle school it it caused me to grope for a father figure and because I groped for a father figure I looked for it everywhere so there's a deep desire in all of us for to have significance there's a deep desire for all of us to have a confirmation now see I I would be remiss not to say this being a pastor but Jesus needed affirmation but when he came up out of the water after being baptized it said that he heard three things from heaven here does father say this you're my son I love you and I'm pleased with you now if the Son of God needed affirmation from a father figure you and I need that's very same thing my heart this afternoon is to talk to you and to convey to you the importance of father me again growing up without a father there was things that I groped for but I learned something I learned that me fathering others I can vicariously father myself I can heal the father wound in me by fathering others now fathering I have I have I guess you call them children or kids men that are old enough to be my dad that I fathered daughters that are old enough to be my mother so aids of no significance it's something that is deeply rooted within us that affirmation that we must have you know I will share something extremely personal earlier this year my sister died and this is the a long line of unfortunate siblings that have died in the last 10 years and this was really personal this one really hurt because my sister was more or less a she was like a twin a year older than me but she was a twin and I was broken really broken and I was just hurting and of course my family my other family members called and said we need you here and so my wife and I we made arrangements to make that six seven hour drive from Reno to Henderson my son comes to me and he says dad I'm gonna go with you I mean I want to pay respects to my aunt but I'm really I want to be there for you I said okay so I know that I needed and so we make our trek there and we get there and about the day after we go to the funeral home and we begin to make the arrangements and unfortunately some of the things that my sister wanted the funeral people didn't have prepared and I began to get frustrated now already mama my heart is already broken and I'm wounded and my emotions afraid but it was interesting to me that my son Dominic he says dad no I'll take care of it not really I'll take care of it pause and he began to intervene on my behalf he began to do some things and say some things that I recognized at that moment that he was my father I recognized the very things that were looking for the the provision the protection the praise all those things were coming out and the very one that I was supposed to be fathering he began to father me my point in this whole circumstance is that all of us have that desperate need all of us have that desire to recognize that we're of worth now when that happened to me it caused a healing in my heart because see there's a father wound in nationally and internationally father wound that only father's can feel I'm gonna ask something ask something great of you your father's your dads that are out there I want you to stand up now whether you had a father or not stand up now I want you to do me a favor man I see this is a global issue the global problem a global issue a global thing in which only men are the answer like I said before our our daughters they need us our families they need us they need us and so I'm going to ask something great of you men now I want you each to close your eyes and I want you to do this I want you to picture the best father only to picture the best dad only to picture him encouraging you telling you he's proud of you telling you that you're the best now I want you to think on that and I want you to meditate on that because see it's a global min problem and it's where the answer to that global issue now keep them stay focused man now this is what I challenge you and I need for you to do go and be that very thing that you've just envisioned to those around you because it will change the trajectory of their lives all you need to do it is be compassionate all you need to do is be willing to step outside of your comfort zone and you can change the lives of many to this very day I have young men and older men calling me saying thank you very much for intervening in my life when I needed to hear some positive enforcement some positive confirmation may be seated in the mid 90s there was a movie that came out that I really enjoyed just called boys in the hood and I really liked the movie I really did it was about a young man coming to age and his mother was kind he was getting kind of unruly with his mom and the mother said you need to go live with your dad so of course she calls the Pops and he says yes listen listen I need to talk with him and it was funny because he one day in the scene he grabs his son and he takes him outside and says I want you to rake these leaves and he sees his friends his his buddies and sons buddies across the way and he says he calls him over and says hey we need to me a favor one yeah when you guys rake these leaves I'll give you five bucks for it says guy says the kids say and five bucks ain't and I'll let you fill in the blanks and he said they leave and he looks at his son he's his son I know that you think I'm being hard on you but I'm trying to teach you responsibility you see those guys over there they don't have a father and you're gonna see how they end up now the movie was great and this character played a great role but the frustrating thing I had about that is is that he pronounced the prophesy over their lives he declared something over them they said you're gonna see how they end up and unfortunately they ended up the very way he thought they would question is this how much more finances would have been taken him to simply take them with his son fishing to take them with with with his son as he takes them bowling or takes him to their job his job how much more finances would have would have taken the eternal difference that could have taken place as a result of him going outside of his comfort zone and beginning to invite those young men would have changed their lives again I am the executive director of crisis pregnancy center and again on a daily basis I see the negative impact of fatherlessness and these young ladies are desperately looking for someone now it's amazing to me I talked to some of the the caseworkers of some of the former ladies who are in prostitution and they say this they said you know what they're healing exponentially increases when a strong father figure is in their lives not looking at them with wanting eyes but encouraging them and letting them know how valuable they really are all of us desire to hear that especially our daughters again I say that I'm not taking anything from our moms but the issues that we're facing on a global perspective has everything to do with father listen if you've heard the numbers then there was just a few of the stats I say this in closing and I ask you this in closing be the far that you've always wanted be the dad that you've just envisioned to others and not only will you heal them you will by curiously father yourself through fathering others it is a win-win situation so I asked asked you men take it up and stand because in you things can change in you a life that is going one direction can be changed by some positive affirmation from a father I am passionate about this I am unbelievably focused on this because I seek daily the desperate need for fathers to step up and live in the lives of those who desperately need affirmation and encouragement thank you very much [Applause]

Channel: TEDx Talks

Views: 161,194

Rating: 4.9392214 out of 5

Keywords: TEDxTalks, English, Global Issues, Big problems, Family, Parenting, Relationships, Social Change

Id: wTu5sFCl9xk

Length: 14min 19sec (859 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 13 2017