The ENIGMA That Is James Acaster | The Best Of James Acaster

how do you make a good first impression I sing I'm James a Caster to the tune of I'm a Survivor by Destiny's Child what can I hear that I'm James a cter I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a Caster I'm James a caster and you are hello James draw the biggest and best Circle biggest and best Circle wins your circle must be completed in one single sweep s I'm like a you want me to be an enormous human Compass okay you have 10 minutes your time starts now right going to go outside side you're coming I know what I'm going to do you know what you're going to do I'm a cycle rounded circles on the bike while spinning this around my arm okay well you got one go of this good luck yeah well good luck to you this is how you sweep a circle you ready yes [Music] [Applause] [Music] he still doing it and look where I landed near in a circle near a circle how many circles have been involved in this so far there's those Wheels already circular this was going in circles around me that's Circle I landed in the circle it's not most circles huh biggest and best Circle yeah but you add them all up together you should add them all up I'll add them all up and then that's that's the that's the task that was the real task okay thank you James I really enjoyed your circles thank you Alex [Music] [Applause] goodbye good evening okay explain yourself I thought you you thought I've been told I should draw the bigger Circle and what I'm going to do is ride around aimlessly on a bike whil badly spinning a hula hoop and then I'm going to crash accidentally noticed there's another Circle and try and claim that as part of my attempt that's my reading of what I saw have you got anything different to add my eyes are circles James is it fair to say you're a bit of an oddball clearly not I'm I'm pretty cool pretty happening guy in most of my circles if I venture outside of those borders opinions vary do you think you're cooler than John here's something you got to know early doors Jimmy coolness is not a competition me and John we hit the town sometimes together oo uh in the daytime to do some shopping best time to hit the town where everyone's there and the shops are open and everyone knows our name at certain shops well that's cuz you're probably wearing name tags we do wear name tags and Joe what once do you remember this we swapped them around for a laugh his name's not James I didn't realize he would be such a titty toucher guilty do you like them I love them actually it looks great it's like when someone wears a fascinator at a wedding also here's what happens every time someone's wearing a fascinator to a wedding this is their conversation with everyone all day oh nice hat it's a fascinator actually yes are they're called fascinators aren't they yes I wonder why I guess cuz they're fascinated yes you speak like you from experience that you've worn a fascinator at a wedding once once I wor a fascinator sure so this artwor is quite sort of visceral for you yeah stirring up a lot of emotions actually back at that wedding think why am I wearing a fascinator why am I wearing a fascinator why am I at the wedding I wasn't invited I just bought a fascinator and then found a wedding beep so the prize category for this specific show is Best Thing from the 9s okay interesting 2014 from the '90s so I love the '90s cuz they were the end of me being a toddler my toddler years were the worst years of my life people used to grab me by the arms and swing me around so I've bought in a collage of goodbye to my toddler years okay is there any part of you that wants me to hold you upside down now to make sure that you didn't have a good time back then you couldn't hold me upside down yes I could yeah hold him upside down how are you even doing I loved it both of you were in bands at school weren't you wer you were in a band at SCH absolutely I was in a band called Cyrus with a silent P at the beginning of it uhoh clearly we didn't know sasis was a thing what was your band James I was in a band called pin drop we had a singer uh called called Lloyd and he sang real nice beautiful vocals in band practice and then we had a our first gig and he was like uh you going before me and then I'll come on later on and we're playing his song we don't know where he is and then he jumped on stage in a dress which he hadn't warned us about then he just shouted to shouty horrible shouty vocals for the whole gig and AR were like ly that was not the plan and he was mature about it and he was kind of went guys I'm so sorry honestly I don't know what came over me it won't happen G and then we had another gig and we get there LD tells me you guys go on you start playing and I'll come on L I was like okay we'll do that Lloyd but remember what happened he went man I feel so bad about that last time it's not going to I honestly I feel like an idiot I don't know what I like good and we're playing and then you run on in the dress again and we're like well we didn't really tell him not to do that so that's kind of okay and then he Shout but not just shouting for the whole G he kept on jumping up in the air and every time he landed it' flipped the audience off like that and we said to him afterwards Lloyd we made it real clear not to do that and you did it again and it was like listen guys I owe you guys an apology for the bottom of my heart I'm sorry about that at next week's gig I'm absolutely 100% not going to do that again then we had a third gig and Lloyd went to me you guys start Play and then I'll come on later and I was like Lloyd I'm going to say this very clearly to you if you shout again you are out of this band for good I swear to God and we're playing the intro and then he runs through the audience was a even more of a rogue move even for Lloyd he bought a different dress this time but fair play had hadn't mentioned the dress and he also unnoticed as what running towards us had had drawn a dick on his forhead and I thought to myself that is a bad sign and then he got the mic and he screamed there not shouting horrible screaming and then halfway through the gig he took his dress off he just in his tighty whes and he someone had written suie wasir across his chest with an arrow pointing down to his real dick and then after the gig Lloyd we have made this very clear you're not allowed to shout anymore he went hold on a second guys hold on a second and then he walked over walked outside and then some boys turned up on a bicycle and all we saw through the glass was they talked to him and he he nodded to them and we heard him say I'm in a band called pin he got halfway through pin drop and one of them nted him and cycled away and then we couldn't kick him out the band because we felt sorry for him and he's still in the band to this day hi James I'm scared what is this place it's a grotto what do you think a grotto is it's it's where Santa is isn't it I don't think Santa would come here where's the task Alex it's on it way right poke something out of the hole in the roof of this Grotto least expected thing Pok through winds po some The [Music] Grotto right I know what it's going to be okay but these guys have to stop filming me you want me to call the cameras off all the cameras off this is going to be unexpected Fun's over right I'm Ready the cameras are back on James family's back on this is genius I advise can give the task master for this one expect the unexpected baby can you tell him that you want me time to expect the unexpected baby okay here it [Music] comes p on a stick uh oh p on a stick you extra points for a song no that was a waste of time I wasn't T that beautiful song I'll be honest as soon as I was holding my pants on a stick I genuinely went crazy yeah do you want to give us a bit more of pants on a stick pants on a stick waving from side to side my pants on a stick whose pants my pants your pants no no that's s uh James you're up against a very tough competition tonight would you describe yourself as smart yes I [Laughter] would does that answer your question Jimmy yeah yes it does it actually asks it as well um very smart Jimmy I know all the numbers in a sodoku off by heart test me on him uh what are the numbers in a seduka pick one at random nine eight don't help me on any of these six or what happens when we get to the end well I R my mouth off it's really all that can happen is you'd be surprised how tolerant a countdown audience is to just cting well get ready cuz I think there's at least 50 more one three I think soon you're going to forget which ones you haven't done and now I'm genuinely gripped 245 seven James did you ever go on any school trips big time man uh I wait in so many caves I'll be honest after the first one I kind of got the idea every time all remember they go stallet tights come from the ceiling and stallet Ms come up from the floor I go that'll come in handy for the next cave I've got a visit the school trips are supposed to be educational aren't they right and we went to France once and I don't know what for like some sort of History trip but all I remember was getting a flick knife and some porno playing cards I think come back more educated I come back Ted up with a boner hi what does that say there CDE e f g h i j k random not random they're in order yeah in the lab there are 10 pairs of glasses the pairs of glasses may not leave the lab without breaking any of the pairs of glasses put all the pairs of glasses into the smallest of these boxes you must select your box before leaving the Caravan and may not then change your mind smallest box containing all the pairs of glasses with the lid shut properly wins that's nuts 10 pairs of glasses I reckon they'll go in there go yes please yeah yeah of course it is pairs of glasses didn't see this coming oh do you know what I had in my head pairs of glasses oh I don't know why I had that in my head that's more pairs than I thought I'd get I'm now doing a thing knowing that it's not going to work out sure a couple of glasses are bigger than the Box yeah funly enough I'm not going anywhere near those ones Alex I've written them [Music] off I feel [Music] tricked what do you mean by shut that's shut is it shot that's shot crunched bit there that is a goddamn miracle that I did that you got six pairs of glasses in there have you not bad and how do you want the chm to transport the rest if I was a removal man and then he was there going well how do you want me to transport the rest I got up your ass to break him smallest ass wins thank very much I enjoyed your reaction immensely cuz you went oh yeah oh good yeah of course it is yeah yeah C can't be straight forward can it yeah of course how was your lockdown good we did it together yeah we we went into lockdown together and we've been revising all year for this we got ourselves a 10 with the kids with the kids with the kids and my partner that can make things a little bit awkward but not when you're rolling with cinnamon here yeah when you're rolling with old cinnamon knowledge which is what I call myself in the quiz world have bought a mascot along with me this is Willoughby don't AR him he's a prick uh I moved out of my parents house and after a month I went back to say hello and uh this was on the sofa I said who's that she went it's Willoughby I went why did you knit him and she went to replace you literally my replacement I hate him I don't see how that's even look at his face not happy is it that's not she made him a jacket as well she's got a jacket for him that he wears just he lounges around the house really is house colors isn't it yeah well remember look at that oh that's a lovely jacket that comes out it's ridiculous what is that it's little handkerchief from uping his brow when he's had a tough day being a knobbed James have you got a mascot yes I have Jimmy what have you got when I come on the show I get very worried that people are going to copy my answers um because I'm so smart like we established they might try and see what I've written so I've bought something along that spies use to write in code so no one could and read what I've written it's my code spy kit this and here's how it works right this looks like a candle it's a pen you idiot I can write here whatever I like right I write like whatever I like I've written your name there right oh actually I shouldn't tell you that it's a secet cuz it's a code what does that say probably nothing as far as you're concerned you then look I got some paints here right and I just get my brush and then I paint over it just like this this is what all the spies do Jimmy stink that was a secret message like that I I mean I love it I think it's uh if I want to write in bold I bought that I got this for M Stakes let's go over them in red hi Alex oh hello Phil hello James hula hoola you have 1 minute your time starts now oh that's all right that's okay that ow hurts hurts I've never done this before this is the first [Music] [Applause] oh thank you improve your holing greatest Improvement wins you haven't until the studio shows the time starts now I don't know if anyone else find that as traumatic as I I could not take my eyes off it you didn't have a choice it doesn't matter sometimes how ornate the grandfather clock is the pendulum draws the eyes are we basically saying that James has got to do more than six seconds to win this task well it depends how many more seconds than 57 Wang does who improves who improves the most and let's see how they do right [Applause] [Music] [Applause] now can have one attempt at this when I blow my whistle please start hoering greatest Improvement wins hola I've been punting so much I've been punishing so much really good I got nervous I got nervous I'm really good now I'm really good I mean it is it is impressive isn't it it's such a shame we've got to take his first attempt just take his second attempt I would suggest which was spectacular that was the rules I'm afraid so from the start of the spinning y Phil one and a half seconds James acter yep 5 seconds and it's it's greatest Improvement uh maximum of three points again it's completely up to you Greg oh God I don't think Phil Wang has practiced hula hooping once but I'm going to give him one point regardless I am going to deem it that James acter has made the most Improvement but I can't give him full marks so I'm going to give him two marks there it's two points to [Applause] James we're driving it oh oh no no one driving this I think it sort of drives itself right well I wasn't told that before I got in it I don't like this tunnel it's not really thought about the fun in finicula no oh you want some bass country facts James me up they have their own language e Scara six different ects what that's five too many they say that the devil tried to learn a Scara tried it for seven years and he gave up what the that that one doesn't sound like a fact any questions class yes the devil I was wondering uh is that masculine or feminine that that nice to know the devil tries to better himself every now and again you never you never hear that about God no arrogant yeah oh hello please after the three minute ride of Our Lives we arrive at top mount AR chander for a spectacularly overcast feel oh James aast look at Bill Bower I absolutely love it drink it in Joe it's kind of got everything it's got a stadium apparently voted in 2015 as the best sports building in the world someone's not been to West bromet albian have they look at that mad building down there what do you think that is I don't know like an Airbnb we're going there right now it's the Guggenheim the go what let's goog that's good let's goo there it is 33,000 thin titanium sheets wow otherwise known as the gugenheim Steve kinheim ah heart what do you think of it I think the shiny balls are nice nice little welcome can see all the C in it and then the sheets are cool behind it if you were walking past that you'd be like what is this building and if you found it was anything but an art gallery you would be concerned I don't think he needed all 33,000 cuz I bet some on the top you don't see it's not like anyone can send a drone up there and look at it from the [Music] aial this metal Marvel boasts 9,000 square m of exhibition space to put it in perspective that's just over half the size of birmingham's Primark but with a fraction of the polyester and cat fights we may not be able to lay our hands on a 5B crop top but we can look at some other works of art art art art made up of eight sculptures Richard Sarah's the matter of time creates unexpected corridors made of weathered steel I mean it's it's been weeks now James I feel a bit claustrophobic now oh we're in the middle oh that's fun kind of how long do you think it took him to make it I think this took like a bank holiday weekend took him 11 years what 11 [Music] years I love it but um if I was him I would have kept that detail to himself we ruminate on the physicality of space until we're asked by the staff to stop ruminating and kindly move on next we take off in installation for bill baow by Jenny holer I feel physically sick yeah which I think is the idea if you stand with your head to the side yeah it's like watching Sky Sports kns then we head back out for more sculptural Shenanigans including an artwork that like so many standup comedians is only active for 8 minutes an hour right the art starting in 2 minutes can I tell you what it involves yeah yeah 1,000 fog nozzles I don't think I've even seen 50 fog nozzles oh there there it is whoa whoa oh here we go I can't really see where I am I would say it's more Mist than fog I would say he's accidentally ordered some Mist nozzles if you're an artist and you come up with this idea you got to be pretty shocked when it ends up at the Guggenheim yeah here's my idea just get a bunch of fog Noles and turn them on yeah okay well I'll see if some local galleries are interested if you're lucky good news the Guggenheim has said yes hi hi Alex Oh hell all right hello hi hello hell James compose the best 30 second piece of music the best yes please oh yes play it to my hands here mate you you have 20 minutes your time starts now oh my God can you play all of these instruments we can play a mix of them I'm a percussionist myself if you think sticks at all that's F okay you're not a musician mate um uh another one of your catch fa has come out there you some of the others you've used throughout the series you B I'm Punk suck it just so you know let's see this is's a little bit more decorum when you write music we're going to see someone who is genuinely been in these bands pin drop three line whip the new hardcore skiffle movement the Capri Sun cortet and the wow scenario yes it's James acter with cl stum and This song is called over my shoulder over my shoulder older and older that's what I told you over my shoulder I'm getting colder instead of Boulder [Music] over my shoulder older and older that's what I told you can we dig down to what the lyrics are about because I know what the spirit of punk is all about yeah not conforming not fitting in not being told to do by the man upstairs how you got a look over your shoulder your whole life yeah cuz you never know who's sneaking up on you yeah you can't trust no one and that's why I was sing over my shoulder older and older that's what I told you but then then you started getting you said I'm getting colder getting colder I'm getting colder and then you wondered if something was a boulder or not is that a boulder yeah is that a boulder is that's a metaphor for what like is that a boulder yeah or is it a big rock my poem is about Al them not this poem genuinely I wrote this when I was 8 years old and I won a competition with it in Primary School get out of here yeah man Untitled pretentious there were four pandas in a bed and the little one said we are all that's [Applause] left every single one of these birds represents a different polar bear whose life I'm going to be saving congratulations I'm going be thinking about that and how much of a good guy I am on the flight home Jimmy Christmas would not be Christmas without a little bit of celebrity gossip So Fresh Off The Griddle first name handy second name Andy make noise some of the Handy Andy fans in the room yeah yeah don't tell no one this this doesn't leave this room his real name is handrew Andrew this is hot gos Jimmy well what else you got baby dish okay we all know the're saying ice cream you scream we all scream for ice cream little Ken Hom he's trying to Lodge a news saying I cakes you cakes we all cakes for cupcakes it's like doesn't even understand why the first saying works the plus when he goes into sabes he like to shout out I'm in SSB in the men brain breze and Har shouts that and that's gossip is it uh yeah and so is this nasty Nick from the first big brother yeah also side gos real name Nick he started vaping but get you might not think that's even gossip get your head around this he didn't even smoke in the first place one one last bit of celebrity gossip for you in this section here's some Christmas Goss nauy holder right on that song merry Christmas everybody you know when he shouts out it's Christmas like that he used to do that on every Slade song it was just this is the first time it was appropriate to out all the time Jes for everyone dos cotos okay perfect could you just say to that man I just gave him my number as my personal smia never ties of telling me a calimoto is the fave drink of the basks as well as any experimental teenager a combo of red wine and Coke Cheers Cheers Joe oh that's dangerously Lovely isn't it this is a bad thing to discover that I like yeah he'd lose countly quickly yeah I'd lose count but I'd know something would has happened cuz I'd probably have my top off call yourself Captain cotos it's called cotos because on the 12th of August 1972 a guy called C was running a festival ordered a load of wine for it and then the wine was disgusting and um he was like we're going to make this wine better wax a of coconut and mchas means ugly ugly Cali ugly Cali the festival scall I would like a glass of wine and a glass of Coca-Cola yeah so I can make them in my mouth thank goodness for the magic of Television oh look speak of the devil thank you wine and C should be careful saying speak of the devil in bbow thank you right here we go there's a technique to it yeah come on talk me through it got kind of do a Wallace and grommet Turtle T of M we forgotten the crackers grummet it works it really looks good as well when you do it yeah I feel like if we were on a date that would have sealed the deal for me Salo we're going to start with a prize task and today's category is to bring in the most confusing thing you Lord Davis will judge whose thing is the most confusing James what did you bring in that's confusing and why will it confuse me a DVD of the Matrix everybody you spoke to about the Matrix has gone I can't wrap my head around it man try and watch The Matrix man who are these who are these people my parents but there's the thing right it's like saying this isn't reality there's a different reality and you're plugged into the Matrix and you're a machine or are you a machine you're not a machine you're imagining stuff and people don't know what the Matrix is about and figure out what it means I haven't seen The Matrix but from what you've just said yeah my understanding is the people in The Matrix think they're existing in one reality yes but in fact it turns out they're plugged into machines and they're experiencing an entirely different reality Greg could you go back to the beginning I didn't get that rioka fueled pants bants propels us onwards to Atari where John forces us to eat caramelized French toast with vanilla ice cream oh that crack the best that the crack of the outside and the creaminess of the inside a five more five more please oh my God it is actually insanely good wow as we're rendered helpless in the face of Pinchos P [Music] Paradise our talk concludes John you've changed my life you've changed James's life we've got to go now but thank you for everything you've done my pleasure I'm high as a kite right now John high as a kite come on mate good take care John you too he Fang guys old friend come on mate it's to my 52 and John bye John what's the best Christmas gift you've ever received dog got a dog for Christmas and I know you're thinking ah a dog is for life not just for Christmas James but I mean this dog was just for Christmas to be fair but in my defense it was 15 when we got it V had only given it until New Year's anyway and I was just there hanging out with it I've took really good care of it probably the happiest month for that dog's life really looked after that dog and then I mean he just went in the garden with all the other dogs I've had for Christmas my garden is really it sure what's the top of your Christmas list this year dog for

Channel: Channel 4 Entertainment

Views: 182,317

Keywords: Channel 4, All 4, Channel Four, C4, James Acaster, Best Of James Acaster, James Acaster Best Bits, James Acaster Reaction, James Acaster Funniest Moments, James Acaster 8 Out of 10 Cats, 8 Out of 10 Cats James Acaster, james acaster 8 out of 10 cats episodes, Jimmy Carr, James Acaster Taskmaster, James Acaster Big Fat Quiz, Best James Acaster, Funny Moments James Acaster, James Acaster Cats Does Countdown, Cats Does Countdown James Acaster

Id: rzVYJRh3CW4

Length: 36min 39sec (2199 seconds)

Published: Tue May 21 2024