The Dark Night of the Soul

you know dark night sounds like such a bad thing but think about this for a second what happens on a really dark night look up and suddenly they're look at the stars i i didn't even know they were there look at them the stars now now shine with a particular brilliance because the other lights have been lowered right if i darken my ordinary way of perceiving now that which stands beyond this conditioned finite world can begin to shine [Music] welcome back to the word on fire show i'm brandon vaught the content director here at word on fire joining us from santa barbara is bishop robert baron bishop aaron always good to see you hey brandon good to see you how the kids doing in orlando they are doing wonderful school's winding down summer's getting nearer so they're all kind of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel of the long school year with covid and everything yeah this episode is going to be dropping in late march which will be after hopefully your recent discussion with dr jordan peterson has gone live i think it will already be published by then but you just had a conversation uh gosh what was it a few days ago with dr peterson this was the second long dialogue that you've had with him uh tell us about it how did it go what were your immediate thoughts about it yeah real positive um i spoke to him for a solid two hours and uh he said at one point you and i both really like abstractions don't we and i said yeah we do you know so we both love ideas and so we did a lot of oh the bible morality philosophy the present-day culture nietzsche jung you know dostoyevsky dante we covered all these things he and i have a lot in common in terms of our our interests and you know he was he was what you'd expect i mean he's very smart very sharp very curious we talked of course a lot about religion and uh i would say the relationship between a more kind of jungian archetypal approach to religious texts and then a more call it properly evangelical approach and bible faith all of that we we talked about so it was a very stimulating conversation maybe after it goes live you and i can do some sort of debriefing conversation where maybe we'll pick out chunks from the interview and talk through them at a little more depth but look forward to that i'm sure word on fire will be sharing it uh whenever it goes live so if it hasn't come out yet it certainly will soon today though we are going to be discussing the dark knight of the soul this is not a batman film it's a religious concept that dates back hundreds of years to one of the greatest doctors of the church namely saint john of the cross now before we get into the concept itself i was hoping bishop maybe you could just tell us a little bit about who saint john of the cross was what should we know about him yeah i love saint john of the cross and one reason is the parish i grew up in outside chicago was called saint john of the cross so i knew about him long before i read any of his great books john of the cross would be the mystical version of thomas aquinas by which i mean the greatest of the church's doctors when it comes to the mystical life as thomas is the greatest in the theological order john of the cross lives in the second half of the 16th century dies in 1591 i think born in 1542 so he doesn't live a long life only about 49 years as a young man he's well educated in philosophy and theology and there is indeed a great connection between him and thomas aquinas he knew it quite as well you want to know a contemporary commentator on this read the dissertation of the young karl voitiwa so young john paul the second is in rome under the direction of gary legrange one of the great thomas of the 20th century but but voitiva writes not on thomas directly but on juan de la cruz right but juan de cruz john of the cross was deeply indebted to thomas aquinas so those two great doctors one more speculative one mystical come together john still is a pretty young man becomes associated with teresa of avila another one of his contemporaries and they become leaders in this reform movement within their carmelite order and they become the founders of the so-called disguised carmelite movement it just means without shoes so it means a return to greater simplicity and gospel radicalism well as is often the case reformers are not super popular with those they're trying to reform right so john of the cross suffers immensely at the hands of his own brothers in the carmelite order some of whom literally kidnapped him arrested him brought him back to one of their houses locked him in a closet essentially would bring him out to the dining area so the monks would have a chance to beat him so he was actively persecuted by his own brothers while he was under those conditions and literally in that closet he composed he didn't have writing materials they wouldn't give him that he composed in his mind some of the masterpieces of spanish literature and from these poems including the noche escuda right the dark knight he then develops these treatises on the mystical and spiritual life eventually he escaped from that imprisonment but then you know he dies as i say fairly young not well known in his lifetime not a you know a famous figure died you know not completely forgotten but not as a as a prominent figure and then only after his death to the church come to realize what what a powerful witness he gave we'll spend a while on this dark night of the soul but what are some other key ideas and themes that john has contributed to the spiritual tradition well you know the the different spiritual paths so the ascent of mount carmel you know how how we ascend toward union with god and we speak of um the purgative way the illuminative way and the unitive way those ideas go back to our friend the pseudo inisha's the areopagite why he's called pseudo and ariappa guy we can talk about maybe in another program but he's a sixth century syrian monk who writes some massively influential texts thomas knew them very well for example but he's the first one to give us these three paths purgative illuminative and unitive but then that becomes a standard of the mystical tradition and john of the cross certainly employs that but so would um in their own way catherine of siena bernard of clairvaux um think you know brandon for those three ideas which are really fundamental the purgative way corresponds to what bernard would call the the kiss of the feet so someone is coming to christ as a sinner really stuck in abject sin what's the first move is to kiss his feet in the attitude of a penitent right so the purgative way to purge oneself of sin the illuminative way walking in the light i've turned away from the darkness of my attachments and addictions and sin and now i'm walking the path of discipleship that's the kiss of the hand the way a disciple would kiss his master's hand right when that process if you want is is complete we're now ready for the unitive way bernard uh and um and catherine will compare that to the kiss of the mouth all right so there's the kiss of of intimacy the soul and christ in intimate union john of the cross will give us his own version of those three uh mystical paths you mentioned that the young carol voitiwa when he's studying at the angelicum in rome was drawn to john of the cross why do you think that is what about john of the cross appealed to this future pope well because voitiwa was very influenced by the carmelite tradition through his friend jan tyronoski who was a layman from his hometown and who gathered a lot of these young people from the town into these they call them living rosary groups but he taught them the church's mystical tradition including and especially john of the cross and the carmelite tradition you know the carmelite tradition includes teresa of avila whom i mentioned but also like in our own time the little flower is coming up out of the carmelite tradition and one of my great heroes edith stein right who becomes a carmelite sister and whose final work left unfinished on her desk literally when the nazis took her to auschwitz was a commentary on saint john of the cross called the science of the cross so that whole tradition intrigued the young carol voitiwa one reason why he you know moves to canonize edith stein so i think that's why he was drawn to john of the cross you know people like you and i which are very who are very drawn to the rationalistic side of the faith you have philosophic proofs and the themistic disputatio with very logical steps and counter arguments and all that stuff but i found that among my friends and family people that aren't as much drawn to that are more drawn to the style and writings of john of the cross which tends to be more poetic more lyrical talk about these differing styles and and i i want to not conf make them opposed to each other it's not like we got to choose one or two but but talk about the style in which he wrote yeah and stay with those two examples of thomas aquinas and juan de la cruz because they both have both right so thomas yes high intellectualism and aristotle and syllogistic reasoning and scholastic method and yes yes all that because he knew you know that god does not despise the mind he knew that reason is not something opposed to revelation so yes yes yes but acquaintance both in his writings but more importantly in his life was deeply ordered to a mystical way of knowing so think of some of those extraordinary experiences thomas had in the course of his life culminating in the all i've written is straw it's very interesting moment because that is not a despairing cry it should never be read that way rather it's at the end of his striving he said something's been revealed to me compared to which everything i've written is such straw that's not a despairing voice that's a that's a voice of exaltation right i mean he knew he had sort of written theology about his as a high level as you can get but compared to the mystical union that he was granted it's like it's like nothing you know um now do it the other way john of the cross who is one of the great articulators of the mystical path but john of the cross deeply imbued in the scholastic method of thomas aquinas and when you read his writings they don't sound like you know oprah or something i mean they're they're very disciplined very intellectual very much ordered to this sort of rational substrate if you want so my point is though they've got different sort of styles and emphases both aquinas and juan de la cruz saw the two together you know a really good example brandon in in the 20th century is jacques meritan's great book called the degrees of knowledge because maritime talk about an aquinas man right and love love love the scholastic philosophical method but then he realizes beyond physics mathematics metaphysics you come to the mystical knowledge that's given only in revelation and through grace and whom does he put at the top of that whole process juan de la cruz you know and so i i really like your instinct to say don't don't drive a wedge between these things at all because a mysticism without a rational foundation can become kind of airy fairy and kind of unanchored you know a philosophy without the mystical can easily become rationalistic use our friend john henry newman right newman saw the prophetic office of the church that's very much geared to teaching and and order and understanding and theology but then there's the the priestly dimension right and the priestly dimension that's now monasticism and liturgy and prayer and mysticism and what newman saw is if you got the priestly without the prophetic it could become sort of superstitious yet the prophetic without the priestly it becomes rationalistic what you need is a two together mind you under the aegis of the kingly office of the church so part of the job of the king is to order these various charisms don't let the prophets get too crazy don't let the mystics get too crazy but keep the mystics and the prophets in conversation and then you have thomas aquinas and juan de la cruz are a very good example of that let's turn to what's probably the most famous and recognizable idea of john of the cross which is this concept of dark night of the soul and maybe we'll we'll start where all good thinkers and philosophers start with is which is with a definition so what do we mean when we say dark night of the soul what is that let me start this way brandon um by a really interesting instinct and we see it all the time when people pray what's one of the physical things they most um automatically do they close their eyes right now why is that why would people close their eyes when they pray well for a good reason the eyes order me toward this world so right now i'm looking at a picture of you on this camera and there's lights around me and i'm going to get my car later and my eyes will be looking around to see how to get home and good that's what eyes are for they order me to the conditioned things of this world is god in that realm uh oh god is not one of the conditioned things in the world he made them yes they're good yes we're not puritans here we're not playing that game so that's always a danger oh i guess you're closing your eyes because you don't like the world no no don't go down that path but god is not anything in the world so if i'm going to really come to communion with god to some degree i have to darken the senses i have to go through a dark night of the senses john of the cross calls that now take the next step i got my eyes and my ears and my hands that order me to this world what else does that well my mind right my mind which uses words and ideas and concepts and arguments and syllogisms and what's it doing it's making its way through this world so you're a lawyer you're a doctor you're a businessman or whatever you are you're using your mind to make your way in a more sophisticated manner through this world so an animal can do it using its senses we do it with both senses and our minds right okay god doesn't despise any of that we're not we're not anti-intellectuals but god is beyond anything that words and concepts and ideas and syllogisms can give us therefore i close these eyes when i pray dark night of the senses and i have to close if you want the eyes of the mind too they have to close because god is beyond what the mind can manipulate control understand right the dark night of the soul and the dark night of the senses are about this process of quieting the body quieting the soul so as to open to a graced knowledge of that reality which transcends whatever the senses and mind can grasp so it's you know dark night sounds like such a bad thing but think about this for a second what happens on a really dark night look up and suddenly there look at the stars i i didn't even know they were there look at them the stars now now shine with a particular brilliance because the other lights have been lowered right if i darken my ordinary way of perceiving now that which stands beyond this conditioned finite world can begin to shine that's what he's talking about you've spoken often on saint john's language of attachment and detachment how does that fit in with this dark knight of the soul exactly at that point because again the world is great and and he he knows that he says that he's a catholic he's not a puritan or a platonist but if i live totally in the realm of of the senses and what the mind can control it becomes very easy to get attached to the things of the world my life is all about the things of the world now i'm recording these words during lent so we have a version of the dark knight of the census during lent right is i say well i'm going to abstain from certain things i'm going to give up certain things i'm trying to detach myself from an inordinate connection to the things of this world so that's where if i identify let's say it's it's wealth it's power it's it's a sensual pleasure it's booze it's food whatever it is is i'm too involved with that well yeah i've got to darken i've got to darken that sensual side of my life if i'm going to come to knowledge of what goes beyond it i think it's pretty common in catholic circles and i'm sure you've experienced this as a priest and a spiritual director to hear people say oh i'm going through a dark night of this soul yeah i'm having a tough time or you know i'm sad i'm maybe borderline depressed i'm confused i'm anxious how do we distinguish this very specific concept of the dark knight of the soul of john of the cross from just general sadness depression anxiety confusion right they're different they're not the same thing at all now here's the point of of contact there's there was a point where we could see a connection namely if i am attached through my senses and through my mind to the things of this world and i want to get detached well that can be painful right it's not easy if i i'm i'm so ordered to this world so closing my eyes and getting focused on a reality beyond or saying i'm going to get detached from sensual pleasure or from money or power yeah that's hard it's it's a challenge but that's not the same as depression or or like psychological anxiety here's another distinction brand which i think is really interesting juan de la cruz talks about the active night of the senses the active night of the soul and the passive night of the senses and of the soul what's the difference well in the first one i'm kind of in charge i say okay i am too attached so i'm now going to get detached from whatever i'm going to abstain i'm going to fast i'm going to close my eyes good good that's something that i'm able to do but he says i think he's dead right about this anyone that's lived the spiritual life knows that's never going to be enough because we have such a tendency to stay within the confines of our ordinary experience so what does god have to do god's got to take the initiative now and take away from us things that we do not want to be separated from now there's suffering if you want yeah absolutely so this is very to me brandon really interesting so someone's going through their life and suddenly something that they loved and it was good in itself and it's not not sinful let's say but something they love was taken away from them some dream they had now i realize that's not going to happen some some relationship and now it's been severed and i'm suffering from that i hate it i'm objecting to it but might i read it not just in worldly terms but now begin to read it theologically and spiritually maybe god is taking this away from me why that i might find a greater detachment that will enable me to come to a higher and more intense relationship with him see so like if you're doing spiritual direction with someone and they're going through a real struggle because they they've lost something it might be a fair question to ask okay remember our friend jean-pierre de quesad right whatever happens is directly or indirectly god's will okay how come it's god's will right now in your life that this be taken away from you you know maybe that's uh that's serving god's purpose of drawing you closer to himself um here's another thing that john lacrosse is really good at brandon i used to use it a lot in spiritual direction with people he said typically when someone's being drawn into friendship with god god gives a lot of consolations now you know i think of i've shared some of this autobiography before but when i was a young guy and i discover thomas aquinas and then i started reading the seven story mountain of thomas merton i remember that period of my life with great joy and and great exuberance because i was experiencing a tremendous consolation it was like it was exciting to me there i remember the same time i was listening to the beatles a lot i was just kind of discovering them i can hear a beatles song to this day and it reminds me vividly of that moment and god was giving me i would say a lot of consolation to draw me into friendship with him right well john the cross says fine it often works that way but almost invariably what's god going to do he's going to withdraw the consolation why because he's cruel no no it's like weaning a child right you're not meant to fall in love with the consolation you're meant to fall in love with god and god's will and that might not be very consoling sometimes it might be really challenging maximilian kolbe you know offering his life in exchange for this for this man was that consoling to him on the contrary because he learned long before not to fall in love with constellations but to fall in love with god's will and so john of the cross will say that god now this is the passive night of the census the passive night of the soul is he might take things away from us that we're not willing to let go of ourselves does that make sense so it it's not depression not at all but it can be a struggle for sure i think it's hard for a lot of people experiencing a legitimate dark night of the soul to see it as something positive as a gift but that's the sense you get when you read john of the cross that if if this is happening to you this is a good thing this isn't a punishment this isn't an arbitrary thing it's actually a gift that god is giving you how do we how do we see it as a positive thing rather than as a negative one we have to become convinced that god is not a distant object out there basically indifferent to us and we're trying to climb the holy mountain if we can figure out how to do it no no god is always already after us always wants a deeper relationship with us and so then start reading your life under that rubric oh these i don't know why this happened to me and i don't know it's just dumb suffering and it's just not fair and i'm mad and i'm frustrated no if god is god and he's providential over all things interested above all in in cultivating a friendship well okay the the right question is what's god up to and how can i cooperate with that uh i think i said before brandon when i was doing spiritual direction with people that's that was always the basic question what were the graces that happened to you the last two weeks how did you cooperate with them and so to see okay i this dream of mine i guess it's not going to happen all right why why would god have willed that what grace is contained in god taking that away from you you know father steve my friend and colleague who loves john of the cross i always tell the story one of john of the cross's carmelite young you know colleagues said oh master there's this crucifix i have that i love it i just love it i i pray so well with it and john the cross said give it to me because he felt all right you're too attached to it you know give it to me and so does god operate that way sometimes yeah yeah if i'm saying look i'm falling in love with constellations he doesn't want that he wants you to fall in love with his will that reminds me next time we're together i'm not going to say bishop i love this book that give it to me it's so good yeah give it to me and of course i don't want to i don't want to generalize john certainly would have known that young man and for whatever particular reason felt that was the right move to make you know how about for somebody who thinks they may be experiencing something like this dark night of the soul i think a good first move would be to read john of the cross and follow the way he describes it and analyzes it and then i think a second good move if available is to find a good spiritual director and talk with it talk about it with them but what are your general tips for discerning whether we're experiencing authentic dark night of the soul versus depression sadness confusion anxiety uh how do we assess that in our own lives i kept it here on my phone i found um the great poem the dark knight right by john of the cross and here's the cool thing about john of the cross i think he's unique in the literary tradition john is is recognized as one of the masters of spanish literature period and he's writing around the same time as shakespeare he's writing in the 1580s shakespeare's like around 1600 right um spaniards i used to tell my my students who were native spanish speakers i said you've got to read him read him in your own language because but then here's why he's unique he writes a poem beautiful beautifully crafted as you'll hear but then he writes a 200 page treatise explaining his poem i don't know any other great figure that does that it's like if t.s eliot you know writes the wasteland and oh by the way here's a 500 page commentary on the wasteland no one does that except john of the cross so the treatises we have are their elaborations of so here's by the way it's he doesn't use the phrase dark knight of the soul in here it's simply anonymous on a dark night but see listen this is a poem for lovers it's not a poem for depressed people and that's why it's really it's married people can best understand this john of the cross is standing in a tradition that goes back through bernard for sure but behind bernard all the way to origin behind origin to the song of songs right this book in the bible that never mentions god once but it's a love poem it's between a young man and a young woman and and they're in this sort of you know um playful amorous relationship and it's the young man kind of calling out to the young woman and so on well the church saw that as god calling out to the soul which is always conceived of as a as a woman right so that the bride bridegroom imagery well listen john on the cross and you tell me if this is the poem of a depressed person right or is about depression in a noches school on a dark night conan sies and amores inflammato something like you know fired by by love's longings young young people falling in love know what he's talking about oh what a blessed i went out right without being noticed listen my house now being all quieted what's that the house of my body the house of my senses they've been quieted close my eyes so now in and i'm in love but i'm going out from this world of ordinary experience to meet my beloved right and then in the second stanza again it ends with estando yami casa so segada and the double thing here is the dark knight of the senses dark night of the soul my house at the sensual level and at the intellectual level all being social it's all being quieted right en la noche di chosa in this blessed night in secreto in secret no one's seeing me so neither am i looking at anything see because i got my eyes closed i'm not looking at the world right without any light or guide except that which burned in my own heart so he's quiet at his house he's looking for his beloved what's the light his own ardent desire for the beloved depressed depression this ain't depression this is someone who's wildly in love right um and then his his beloved waiting for him and then this how lovely oh noche kegiaste the knight that guided o noche amable mascula al alvarado it's more lovely than the dawn oh no the night that brings together listen now amalo con amada amada the beloved with the lover the lover with the beloved the beloved in the lover transformed what's he talking about but sexual union so it's the coming together of the lover and the beloved and even see how the language with all the doubling and all the repetition and so on is meant to suggest that um and then you know this this extraordinary en mi pecho florido so this is the soul speaking so the soul is a woman this whole thing is a woman on my flowering breast emi pedro florido que entero para el solo seguardaba which has been kept solely for him so these are two lovers right and i i exist totally for you there he stayed sleeping and with the fanning of of the cedars made a breeze i mean this is very romantic image two people who have found each other fallen in love and have come together now what do you notice the house all quieted that's the purgative way right i'm gonna purge myself of sin and attachment and all that and then guided only by the light of my own heart what's that that's the illuminative way that's the way of discipleship and then finally what's this where they they come together and now she's he's lying on her breast it's the unitive way this is the way now of of complete you know connection um anyway lovely married people should read this poetry because this goes right back to the song of songs and it's all about using sexual union and romantic love as a metaphor for the soul's relationship with god right so can you can you read this poem with all of its its romance and all of its lyricism and say oh yeah that's a depressed person talking on the contrary the dark knight enables him to go out with his heart on fire and find his beloved and that's the whole purpose of the dark knight of the senses and of the soul let's close by looking at a recent saint who experienced this dark night of the soul in a profound way namely mother teresa one of our mutual friends father paul murray wrote a whole book titled i loved jesus in the night which was reflecting on the revelations mother teresa that we the revelations we had after mother teresa's death when her diaries were published and it became very clear that for not just months or years but for decades even she experienced this profound dark night of the soul can you talk about how that shaped her and what her experiences were like yeah you know at the beginning of her poll especially to serve the poorest the poor she had a lot of consolations she heard and she said quite literally the voice of jesus calling her and she felt his extraordinary intimacy and extraordinary sense of purpose well she was given all kinds of consolations but then christ took those away now why well consult john of the cross you take them away because god wants you christ wants you to fall in love with his will which she did there's no question about it she fell in love with the will of christ which was to serve the poorest of the poor paul murray talks about this which i think is very john of the cross asked namely it's the closeness of god to us that can produce a darkening now why because it's the overpowering of the light you know aristotle said it a long time ago that we can be blind through lack of light or excess of light so there's no light i don't see what's going on but if you give me excess of light i also can't see what's going on so the saints are those who live very close to god's will and they experience therefore a kind of excess of light if you're living in god it's going to make you a certain awkwardness now of your involvement with the world because you've been de-centered you've been displaced in a way you've been placed in a higher world and so you're overwhelmed there's too much light and that can feel like darkness and i think there's something of that in the mother teresa experience well it's time now for our question from one of our listeners if you have a question for bishop baron you can record it and send it in to us by visiting the website askbishopbarren.com today we have a question from agnes in new york she is asking about god's myrrh or god's humor here's her question hi bishop baron this is agnes from new york thank you for all the work you do i'm a big fan of yours i was wondering if you had any thoughts as to whether god has a sense of humor and if he does would his humor be objective so that everyone should find it funny thank you that's good um i would say yes in the measure that humor is a function of intelligence right humor comes from the incongruous and to grasp the incongruous as incongruous is ipso facto to appreciate it as funny now we have a there's a physiological reaction we call it laughter so god doesn't have a body so god wouldn't have that but would he have humor i'd say sure in the measure that he knows all things and therefore knows the incongruous as the incongruous and i i think i mean everyone witnesses to that how god plays like jokes on us in a way you know that he sort of playfully introduces his will to us and but certainly that he appreciates um incongruity and that's the essence of humor now would therefore everyone get god's jokes i don't know i mean you could say it's objectively uh funny but maybe we're not all subjectively attuned adequately to it just the way that you might say well that's that thing is objectively beautiful but not everyone could see it as such um but no i would say sure god has a sense of humor i mean whatever is good and true and beautiful belongs preeminently to god so if you recognize humor as a good thing i don't know who does that except the most humorless people then sure god has a sense of humor bishop that question reminds me of the last paragraph in gk chester and it's orthodoxy where he says you know you read the four gospels and you see jesus displaying all sorts of emotions he's angry he's sad he's compassionate basically every human motion is on display except humor and people read that and they think oh jesus must be you know stern and dispassionate he says no his humor is so great that it's been concealed it's the one great part of god that he thought was too good to reveal in in the gospels at least um but then i think of like our friend jonathan rooney in the chosen and when you see a depiction of jesus displaying humor there's there's something so attractive about that oh yeah no i think that's absolutely right that when they say that jesus ate and drank with people i mean whoever eats and drinks with people without cracking a joke and without appreciating we all just do that naturally but also i would say brandon maybe a bit poche chesterton here i think the uh the parables are filled with humor you know we sort of proclaim them in a very somber way at mass but when you read those parables they're usually based on some little reversal or some funny juxtaposition or some unexpected turn i think a lot of them are very funny and that's of course part of the whole jewish tradition that jesus came out of so i don't know i have no coral saying that that he he must have been someone that laughed well before we wrap up here i want to remind you about a couple of new exciting initiatives at ward on fire the first is the rosary with bishop baron we released this about a month ago we have produced audio and video reflections of every mystery of the rosary you can pray all four sets of them with bishop baron either on video through youtube or on any podcasting service just search the rosary with bishop aaron you can download them and listen to them whenever you'd like find out more information at wordonfire.org rosary the second is this brand new book that we are super excited about titled the word on fire vatican ii collection in many ways it's it's the culmination or the fruit of a lot of what we've been discussing and focusing on the past couple years this revival and return to the great documents of vatican ii as sources of renewal in the church there's been a lot of debate a lot of discussion about vatican ii but sadly not a lot of people have actually read the documents of vatican ii and we wanted to help change that so we've released this book which contains the four major documents of vatican ii along with commentary from bishop aaron and the post conciliar popes so you're getting to read these documents along with the the leaders of the church so find out more at wordonfire.org vatican2 pick up your copy and start reading these great texts well thanks so much for listening and watching we'll see you next time on the word on fire show thanks so much for watching if you enjoyed this video i invite you to share it and to subscribe to my youtube channel you

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Length: 40min 38sec (2438 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 29 2021