The Best Family Guy Drunken Clam nights

[Music] we now return to star trek creep space nine [Music] ah she saw us warp speed hey you guys you know that song jimmy crack corn yeah it's me and lois's wedding song what about it well the whole time the guy's saying he doesn't care that uh this jimmy fella cracked the corn but yet he wrote an entire song about it cared enough to put pen to paper are you on vacation i am here's those fries you ordered and your hot sauce hot sauce on fries oh yeah black guys put hot sauce on everything on account of most of us been pepper sprayed by the time we're two can't taste nothing unless you got that burn on there this stuff ain't that hot oh i feel like i'm crying but like out of my neck and back oh look at his face he looks like oliver plaque climbing a flight of stairs hey that's a low blow i'm gonna call the network and complain where's the phone it's upstairs oliver yeah they know what they did tell you what peter i'll give you 10 bucks if you drink an entire shot glass of that hot sauce let me see the money you don't believe i have 10 i think he's afraid am not prove it 10 bucks all right this is for all the teachers who told me i'd never amount to nothing oh my god [Applause] that last one was more caliente than hot but still holy crap well here's your money this is awesome i can get people to pay me 10 bucks just for doing stupid stuff man i haven't made money this easy since i invented the yanket peter what's wrong well i want to masturbate but i'm just so darn cold too bad there's no answer for that problem but now there is hi i'm peter griffin creator of the yanket if you're anything like me the number one problem in your life is that you can't masturbate just anywhere but now you can introducing the yanket the only blanket with built-in decoy arms our patented process makes it look like you're holding the remote or sipping a beer meanwhile your real hands are under the blanket going to town peter what are you doing nothing let's watch a scarlett johansson movie but wait there's more we have yankets for all occasions sporting events at the supermarket on the job hey what's going on under that blanket you'll never know [Music] hey peter you want to earn another 10 bucks of course i do great i got a hilarious one i'll give you ten dollars for your l4 vertebrae [Music] so uh i guess this means peter you're our joe now and joe you're our peter that means you got to do anything for 10 bucks okay i have a request yay joe's chin [Music] good afternoon i'm tom tucker it's day three of quahog's new ban on alcohol for anybody under 50. and if there's one thing the new drinking age law has done it's let us know that women tell terrible stories good to see your eyes open tom for more on this story we now go to trisha takanawa trisha joyce i'm standing here on the streets of quahog where citizens are feeling the effects of the city's new drinking law i was going to bone my girlfriend but she told me that if there wasn't vanilla vodka involved there was no way well i think we just have to trust our elected officials and goldman's pharmacy is fully stocked on cough syrup which goes great with ginger ale well i do miss drinking but i have used the time to reconnect with my children and i'm actually thinking about resuming my actuarial practice oh my god he's just been drunk this whole time this new law sucks i gotta say it's kind of uncool of mayor west to call it peter's law no kidding now i know how megan from megan's law felt i i don't i don't think you know how she felt i tell you guys getting alcohol when you're underage isn't as easy as obama's daughters make it look what is that true i don't know hey is that your dog at the bar hey jerome one more neat what the hell why is jerome serving booze to brian i don't know but i'm gonna find out come here boy come on hey what's up we going for a ride in the car no no i had a question for you don't ever do that unless you have a car ride to offer hey how come you're allowed to drink yeah you're not 50. uh actually i am i'm 56 in dog years oh is that why you got white pubic hair i'll thank you not to check out my pubic hair well then don't go flashing it around put on some underpants you're crazy you're right would you do that for us brian sure why not oh thank god cause just sitting here all sober is more boring than watching a pot boil hey you what are you doing i like to watch i want to watch you boil i can't do it with you watching oh not even if i do this don't do that oh god it's so hot oh yeah then why don't i take your top off oh oh i'm boiling i'm boiling yeah now i'm gonna stick my raw pasta in you peter what's going on in there making dinner babe [Music] hey quagmire how was your date last night cleveland it was amazing you know what i discovered last night women have a fourth hole what yeah i mean it's only visible if you're looking from exactly the right angle like the entrance to hogwarts but you got to believe that it's there man i envy you single guys no families partying whenever you want these are the only people i get to party with that's where the fourth hole is right there right there in the back of the knee i like having a family i got all the crazy out of my system when i was 18. not me i was dating lois the whole time i never got to be wild except for that time i rode the mechanical bull at that bar oh my god how embarrassing look how much fun i am it's like i missed out on half my life what i wouldn't give to be 18 again like those kids on spring break grim news from daytona florida where the remains of three female college students were found near a local nightclub reports suggest that all three were violated sexually before being brutally murdered oh man see that everybody's getting laid but me oh come on hang on i'll fix it oh my god is he dead i think he might be dead oh did you hear that noah wiley here thinks he might be dead step aside junior nope he's just knocked out damn i drove all the way out here i had to cancel another appointment i never liked to be too far away from mike wallace hey death i i got a favor to ask you could you let me go back in time and be 18 again what are you high no coming up next on espn women's professional all right you win let's go but just for one night you're really good at this game yeah i've logged a lot of game hours on menstrual miss pac-man what what geez nothing [ __ ] so uh have you seen ghostbusters save your breath geekwad i'm here with my boyfriend you mean that quintessentially 80s guy with his collar turned up all the way are you hitting on my girlfriend no no i was just being friendly i will kick your ass anytime anywhere uh okay how about top of the world trade center morning of september 11 2001 8 am i'll be there you think i'll forget but i won't [Music] that was nice i'll say peter is that are you molly ringwald yeah how's it going wow you're the biggest star in the world right now what are you doing here oh i like to hook up with random bar guys lucky for me yeah no a hubby's good all right peter your time's up oh man already yep come on oh good to meet you molly i'll be back later for your career brian going back in time ruined my life we got to get death to send us back to 1984 again so i can undo what i did or we could just make the best of this al gore is president we could kind of just take that one and call it a win i mean with bush we didn't have flying cars that run on vegetable oil oh hey peter say i was just getting ready to hit the town you want to join me yeah i can't cleveland i got a date with lois it's gonna be fun it is [Music] peter what the hell are you doing you're supposed to be with lois oh crap death no you know what i'm not doing it again screw this no more mulligans you're on your own oh damn it brian what the hell am i gonna do now i haven't screwed up this bad since i bought joe piscopo that barbell set all right joe now don't get carried away with this don't worry peter i'll only work out during my downtime

Channel: Big Nicky

Views: 141,898

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Id: WLE36RM0Y2s

Length: 9min 43sec (583 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 14 2020