The Atomic Theory - Flann O'Brien

did you ever hear of the molecule theory everything do you see is composed of small particles of itself all darting around in our circles figurines power to numerous dimension and these gentlemen are called atoms do you follow me no the atomic theory is a very involved farm Allah but it can be worked out with the help of a good school algebra and graph paper but if you have a bear of iron and you hit that pair of iron a number of smacks with a good coal hammer some of the atoms from the bear of iron will go into the cold hammer and vice-versa do you follow me and that is the atomic theory no would it surprise you to know that the atomic theory is at work in this parish with the gross and net result that people who spend most of their natural lives riding on iron bicycles through the rocky road sets of this parish have already got their own personalities mixed up with the personalities of their bicycles this being Jude you see to an interchange of atoms between themselves and their saddles some are even worse than 50-percent bicycle the unfortunate postman I would say is already 71% and I doubt if we'll ever get his figure below 50 again know a man who was already halfway to being a bicycle need not look like a bicycle he may not for instance have a back wheel on him and you could hardly expect him to grow handlebars but you will always recognize someone who has let things go too far for he will spend an enormous amount of his life leaning against walls a Monell boring or you might observe him in the high street there standing with one force raised against the edge of the path know if people can become more than 50% bicycle part of bicycles themselves are both disciples say little except allow me to observe have you ever noticed in bad weather the way of bicycle manages to get itself into the house close to the fire the dresser may be where the food is kept I will tell to you a secret confidentially my own grandfather was 83 years when we buried him and for five years before that he was a horse this was due to the long number of years of his natural life that he spent in the cellar now usually and old age he was quiet and harmless enough grazing away there in the field but knowing again he'd go for a smart gallop if you saw a man on two legs galloping comical his old horse Dan was of a country opinion all together poor old Dan the horse gave so much trouble attempting to get into the house at night committing indictable offences in the daytime and interfering with young women that they had to shoot him but to my mind always it was my grandfather that they shot and the old Hoss that they buried above their the cemetery there are five rules to be followed in life one always carry you're a parakeet two never go far without a pump three always apply the back brake first four make left turns as much as possible and five turn everything to your own advantage

Channel: CR's Video Vaults

Views: 16,573

Rating: 4.9503107 out of 5

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Id: tQK_gPv8E7U

Length: 4min 1sec (241 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 30 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/CaptainEarlobe]

I'm in the middle of this book as we speak. When I picked up an Irish book written in the 30s I did not expect it to be some hallucinogenic, mind-bending shit

[u/blackhall_or_bust]

God I love The Third Policemen.

[u/manofwar26]

Brilliant book!

[u/thepriceofaslave]

An Béal Bocht is probably my favourite book ever written but at Swim Two Birds and the Third Policeman are up there. Flann was a one off.