Tan France in Conversation with Antoni Porowski

the coffee with cream and sugars tank and the black coffees mine there you got lots of sugar lots of sugar hello everyone thank you so much for coming out I really really appreciate it thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so we were actually here how long ago were we here we were here about seven right with you okay so I hate to think I feel like it was a fluke that because the 92nd Street Y like so many iconic people yeah I've gone this stage and I felt like it was an accident or like we snuck our way in some we did I slept with the right people and somehow were yeah your husband got you in he was really happy baby so I have to say I'm don't cry I'm not crying yet but I did get I did get very emotional when I'm under slept I tend to get really emotional and I was riding on my way here you see normally with these panel discussions you get the book quite a bit of time in advance and you get to like to your research and you get to read the book you get the questions and you get to study them that wasn't the case for me you know me better than no time to live my life this should be really easy for you and we're gonna go rogue a little bit I have my post-it ah good good make them really uncomfortable good are you ready always okay great so I'm gonna start off with the questions that were provided to me great not my own great tan yes what's your favorite thing about me easy okay I could go on another hunt I'll ask you the real question no let me answer this okay I'm not gonna argue with you so the funny thing is and I heard you two the same thing because somebody told me last night any time somebody asked me at one of these things about Anthony I cry apparently you got really emotional when somebody asked me about you about me a few weeks ago he okay I know this is about my book but I'm gonna make it very clear he's one of the best people I know and and we became I love my boys on queer I really do but me and him ever have a very special bond and and he's if he's not with me I get really blue and I call him a lot but yeah yeah he's just think he really is one of the best people I know and I got to his family and then and his family or the best he comes from real good stock like he's an incredible person you're okay yeah and I love his outfit tonight for once in my life I feel more dressed up than ten yeah let me tell you this God we're not gonna be able to do this 50 with it there's no way oh oh I swore before you oh what the is going on here did it I did you I'm more dressed up the meat it's because I had like three outfit changes I'm sure whenever I go to only these things people say oh I don't know what I was gonna wear but tonight I say I don't know what I'm gonna wear I had two outfits planned out and I put them on and I was like that doesn't feel right so I changed this is 10 a slight heel yeah a billowy shirt skip skinny ass jeans and he probably has like the geekiest Salt Lake City Sox underneath they're probably not very cool that there's nothing cool about me you you were very comfortable sauce yes I do okay let's get to work yes please we're here for a reason uh hi everyone so is there anything you wish you would have put into the book that you didn't the simple answer is no I when you read the book actually you will know that weirdly that was shade I'm not sure how but you pulled it up I I poured my heart and soul into this book and I I did everything I wanted to add in there are a couple of stories that I could have added in but I really do value some privacy and before before the show I was actually a very very private person he and I didn't have public accounts we would we didn't have thousands upon thousands I don't think we really knew how Instagram works well we definitely didn't they had to give us a training Jonathan taught us yeah yeah he was unwise with his guidance but yeah he he told us I just I'm such a private person you know ordinarily and so there are a couple of stories that I just thought I want to keep that for myself that I want to give myself as much as possible to help inspire people in our community but there's definitely a couple of things that I think I want to keep that with myself well you mentioned even like I think is somewhere near the end of the book that there are there's something about having this platform of being I hate the word but I'm gonna say it famous that is sort of like forced you to sort of like hone in on certain parts of you that you feel like you're more comfortable sharing yeah but at the same time I think that there's also like a catch-twenty hi hello you're good no one noticed you can climb and you missed my wonderful playlist like you missed out but your shirt makes up for it that's fine so while there are certain parts that and I can totally relate to that where there are certain parts that you like have sort of like focused in on that you've been like more comfortable sharing do you feel like there's there certain parts also that you kind of like regret sharing or things that you've sort of like over said like in an interview where you kind of say too much and you're like wow I can't take that back you know actually no joke and this is the first time I'm saying this I I did start to think about this a couple of days ago we use the word repeats that representation a lot and and I do because because there are that many people that look like me on TV and I wondered if I was doing my people a disservice by talking about representation maybe it's time to just be and that is all that is necessary just by being visible just by being myself by being authentic maybe that representation you know maybe you don't need to beat that dead duck but dead horse has anyone in your family yeah that's a good question has anyone in your family read read these before has anyone in your family read the book and if so what did they think about it okay no I had a purpose II didn't let anybody read it because I didn't want them to tell me they were upset about this one story in particular and I didn't want them to try and get me to take it out before the book comes out and there's nothing it's nothing really bad but it's a story from when I was 17 I'm not gonna give too much away because I truly do want you to read the book because I honestly I think it's wonderful I miss the look there's the thing I'm the most proud of all up to this point because I'm more honest than I've ever been and you know this our show is 42 minutes long each episode only focusing on a hero and so we don't really get to share with the audience really what our life was all about we've never edited yeah massively edited and so there's a story about how I went to New York when I was 17 and didn't tell anyone in my family and I lied and I told him that I was going somewhere else across town but really I took like where were you wearing a white leather belt no but I won't lie for those willingly I did I will white leather shoes which are coming back and and so yeah I took an international trip and after working on that chapter I just thought if my kids you what kids if you're watching this in 20 years time and you think for a second that I will let you get away with that I will annihilate you so I think it's near the beginning near the beginning of the book you're actually mentioning whilst I speak what you do is you plan out your next question but I want to listen to you you mentioned how there were a lot of rules yeah there was had in terms of like who you could bring home yeah but yeah and you mentioned kind of like the parent that you're gonna be and you're like damn right I'm gonna have those rules as well because we never know what kids are up to they're troublemakers yeah yeah you knew a lot of South Asian people he is very down with brown which I really appreciate it's my favorite polity about him and and so you know this how my culture is very different from Western culture and so we weren't allowed to really mingle outside of the home we weren't allowed to have sleepovers and I used to think gosh all my white friends are allowed to sleep over each other's houses why aren't I and now I know and my parents were so much smarter than everybody out please let me tell you this there are dirty men everywhere I love men girls and good mostly guys mostly guys the amount of you hear when somebody something happened to a young boy or girl at somebody else's house um I I'm not letting that happen and my parents were smart enough so I say in the book and I will say it a thousand times over my kids will not stay over at anyone's houses they will stay in my house because I know I'm not I'm not a dirty bastard so your parents so your parents were right about that my parents was so right about that what's one thing either parent both parents a thing that they did when you were growing up that you know you want to do differently for your kids when you have them I want the one thing that's a good question was that yours or theirs mine baby well done well I I really felt stifled by the career options that were available to me doctor lawyer or engineer and yet you're all fine if you want to be a doctor lawyer or and wonderful wonderful if you want to spend the rest of your life having to continue to study I hated studying and that was boring as far and so I let me tell you this I was a smart kid I actually was I did really well in school but I didn't ever I don't we call a revision I can't know what I think you call it study when you have to practice before you're an example I study study study okay sorry English it's universal no it's not anyone we call in England we call it revision leave is young and so it's true that's just a fact and so hopeful languages yeah me too thank you very much we're the only smart ones at the 5jk oh my god I'm so kidding I am so kidding I'm picturing Jonathan running I know heels in a baseball bat Jonathan fiea there don't shoot me at this point I'm gonna say something worse about you so wait for it no I'm so joking and so yeah I wish that they had given me the freedom to express my creativity they really didn't want me to study fashion they were so against me doing anything creative if you were good in art class that's fine but you better get aids and everything else and I wish that they would just have to let me go to fashion and turn that phone off I'll call you out I will or I will insist on speaking to them and yeah and I would I would say if it were my kids if they want to be creative why not be creative you can be just as successful in a creative job was there a moment like a very specific moment in your life where you decided fasci on yeah when I was a kid I didn't know what it was I used to know I used to work at my dad's and my granddad's denim factory not work work but on like the summer holidays I would go and see him excuse me and and he had this incredible denim factory and I learned how to make jeans and denim jackets and stuff and I always thought oh I really want to do that when I'm older and I used to tell him I'm gonna be a machinist when I'm older thinking god that must be the most incredible job a really well because you creating clothes that people wear it does not pay well that is not it's not a koala does for you now I will are now but back in Ingram in state yeah so I thought that maybe I wanted to be a machinist and then I realized no I just wanted to be able to create clothing and so yeah when I was older I then decided that I was gonna do that can I tell you one quick story that is in the book that I'm not gonna give too much about a way about what what happened was I was meant to study psychology I told my parents that I was gonna go through psychology my sister was already she graduated and so okay I'll do that that's something they're gonna be proud of even though I did not want to I just wanted to keep them quiet they were constantly nagging at me and so I've brown parents already naggy like I love that but my gosh and so does that yeah I'll go and after about six months I realized holy this sucks so hard and so so I dropped out and signed up for fashion college didn't tell them and then three and a half years later I was graduating and I said alright let's go for my graduation on the way I said tricky I'm not gonna graduate the psychology that's not like you either you like let people know it's so ya know something whereas I linger and yes you do know yes you do no no that's not like me at all but I knew that they would have were you afraid yeah my mom stopped the out of me I was 20 and I go yeah yeah if you were afraid of that how the hell did you deal well the two things that come to mind are like how did you deal with bringing up Rob yeah that was I actually it was easier Rob is his husband promised my husband he's the original Frances name's Rob front row France and he it was easier with that because I had already told them I was gay at that point I came out the most you when I was 16 so it was easier to say hey I finally found somebody and I'm in love with that person coming out was harder because in my community I didn't know anyone that was gay at least in the Western culture there were there were a few gay people but in my community you do not talk about that so that was actually super hard and so the way I did it was by telling a family member at a time and then recruiting them to help me tell the next one very manipulative was it easier for your mom because he looks so much like you I think it was easier for her because because he's really sweet you know yeah he is I think she just realized that I was with somebody who was gonna really take care of me but not that I need to retake her but she knew that I was he was going to do me dirty yeah you were talking about we were talking about getting into fashion so you've worked mostly with women's wear life yes why women's wear over men's wear you guys have such great options my god and it would be so creative what you can do is men are a lot more hesitant to wear something crazy whereas women you could you can go balls out like it's fine and so because you're so conservative with your choices I used to be I used to be I used to try so hard to pretend I wasn't gay and so I used to dress like a proper boy like a proper dude like I'm crossing your legs oh there's one part in the book that I talked about I didn't know what that was loud there was one part in the book that I talked about that I'm just driving insane when I like struggle outside what tight jeans on oh okay well I use love a double I used to love a double cross I used to put my foot up as if I had heels on and I did this when I was like 5 or 6 and then finally what am I couldn't stop my legs I'm like what are you doing like you seem like a girl boys don't sit like that but I was so comfortable that way and it was it was what my body naturally wanted to do and so that used to drive me insane I had to find really creative ways to pretend I wasn't gay and that was the first time I realized oh crap I'm different and that is not okay to be different that was literally what I was gonna ask you probably five or six and I started to panic thinking of show shoes yet how am I gonna hide this and for a kid trying to hide that it's super hard like you're dealing with so much you're trying to navigate your way in the world to figure out how to hide exactly who you are is a real shitty feeling who's the first boy you ever had a crush on easy his name I want to tell you his full name in the book his name was Ricky agar and I was 13 I was probably 12 he was testing as few months older than me and this is gonna sound so sick because I'm a grown-up now but well okay I'm not grown-up now I've been of age now but I've definitely grown up and and we were playing we were playing in the playground do you guys call it recess and he was playing he was playing basketball and it was a really warm day Lee took his shirt off Annie Edison don't say whoa it's 13 maybe the person wooing was 13 I need had a full-on six-pack but that's just because he was a kid like oh it's like the kids who have it marry him and then he made it very clear he was only into girls no I didn't ask him but if you always had like the hot chick at school again 13 but yeah that was the first time I thought I might be in trouble here I don't just like him like I love him although you thought that was love at the time have you ever been in love with somebody and it was unrequited oh my gosh yeah so many times I always got so many times so many times so many times here's the thing and I'm gonna be really honest about this and I promise you I'm not playing the race card when I say this I come from England and in England it's quite racist actually very I love England but we're a lot more open with our racism here you guys are a lot more passive-aggressive my thing some parts just a fact whereas in England if you don't like somebody because they're the race you usually just say it which which really sucks and you know how there are certain communities here who are treated as for their second-class citizens that's exactly how it is for Pakistani people in England and so you would never dream of taking a Pakistani home like and people's parents would say marry who you are but not a Pakistani and so yeah the amount of times I wanted to date people and they would say it's fine if we sleep together but I could never take you home it was real sake but then you found Rob yeah cuz Rob didn't know what Pakistanis were so it was really yeah didn't yeah Jacob didn't II think you were did anything he thought I was Mexican and a lot of people still do until he opens his mouth people say a lot to me a lot and it drives me insane maybe they're just practicing their Spanish so no I see the first day I went and I talked about our first date in the book yeah you do yeah no it's not that I just or maybe it is by the book fine yeah I describe it the way Jonathan would describe it so it's disgusting no but when I first met Rob it was online and he only had a picture to go by okay let me preface this by saying Rob is wonderful and he's not racist in any way but he's from Wyoming you guys and there were no brown people in the town that he came from and so and not one no and also to make it clear in Utah they really are like ten brown people and they're not usually from so at the south asia that's just not the thing and so he deduced by my picture that I must be Mexican because there are only Mexicans who were brown in Utah anyway so when I walked out of the house on our first date he came to pick me up and I started walk up to him apparently in his head he was like he's always gonna he's not gonna get up yeah Thursday I know he was very confused so you dated yeah long distance yeah super in love vixie is long distance six years long distance how often did you guys see each other every six months for three months I was living in the UK he was living in America so if you come at me and say oh it's so hard to date there are 15 minutes away like shuttle if you like them and we have the books we get these in these days of having face time you can make you work and let me tell you this when you take sex out of the equation it's amazing how love your relationship can become when you if you know how ok let me I won't gonna do I wanna give you dating advice you know the phase you know how when the first I ain't dated many an idiot because the first six months we all know this the sex is so good and you're like he's amazing and after about six months you're like he's a dick the sex was so good like you just convinced yourself that he's great but really he's an a-hole and then you were then you're too far in like it's hard to break up with them and so what you find when you are dating long distances there's no sex all there is a space time or Skype or whatever so you get to know them on this purely emotional basis and so by the time we actually were able to live together I knew him better than I've ever known anyone on the planet like we did you guys I've released like jerk C's on face [Applause] sorry I'm just asking question you invited me you know what a lady I am early of course I did people what they want who don't live but I never sent an inappropriate picture ever I'm here the thing don't be stupid enough to ever send a picture you never know what what you might do for a career thank God I never said anything inappropriate you go yeah so you got married it was a glorious day glorious there was a ring snafu don't want to read about it for details what I'm curious about is so you're married when you were in bed that night yeah I'm not no weird what did anything did anything change yeah but knowing that you were like legally bound it wasn't though it wasn't the night it was truly immediately afterwards we went for like a wedding good high tea I know that sounds so weird but that's what we did sounds very Tanner Barry wait whoever high tea and I remember sitting there thinking I feel this overwhelming sense of security like I've never felt before I'd be with him for a year and a half I knew that he was my person and I didn't go into this lightly I knew that whoever I married it would be forever I come from a community where divorce really isn't a thing I don't know anyone in my community back home who who has ever been divorced and so when you get married you get married for life and so I remember that day thinking gosh this is truly now my person for life and I felt this beautiful sense of security yeah I knew that answer but I love that story and every once in a while I just want to hear it again I'm truly it got it got better and better every day you've seen us together like we he's perfect you're such nerds which is like the such nerds I marry a nerd the hot guys have gotten Rob's heart don't you got hotter at 40 you got super ripped at 40 I don't know what it's very hard I'm really pissed off about it and he's growing his hair out now and it's like curly and wavy it's like you know can 90s Brad Pitt 5 sorry what's driving what's driving me insane is I love cake more than anyone you will ever meet right and I'm not embarrassed by it like you will see me go to town on that ship by in public and he I'm sure you will you eat like an Entenmann's cake I don't know what that means well you eat like like in the store they're like white with blue writing I'm sure you have a lot of in Salt Lake City it's kind of like process see how that was shade and then it's basically like store-bought preap no like no I'm very will not waste your calories no dude I do not waste my calories if I take a bite of something sweet and it's disgusting about how much it cost milk bar or death yes yeah milk bar are you guys mostly based in New York okay if you haven't been to prime not sponsored by these people breads bakery they're Rugel ah and the Chocolate Ruger is heaven on a plate and they're babka can I say something embarrassing so we know the lovely Danielle who reps breads bakery and I had my college buddies coming into town I saw I knew that they were gonna be partying because their party monsters and we in early in the morning I wanted to get fresh pastry class off and so I emailed her and I was like hey you please send over two boxes of but I did not know here's a little right yeah post a little story they get love we get love because they are literally legit the only bakery in New York that actually or that's what I'm told I may be wrong somebody can fact fact to check most koalas are actually made in Jersey and now they bring them over they actually make their own on the spot and the difference between one that just got out came out of the oven and being driven like a few hours is the world of a difference and when they're stale you can make a lovely bread pudding back to the questions let's switch sorry oh I love baked goods more than life itself and I'm on the road a lot so I don't get to work out as much say odd Noli do and Rob decided to pull the ultimate dick move when he was about to turn 40 he got so ripped and now look at him and I'm like you vile before when you were just a regular person I could eat cake in bed and not feel bad about it but he'll come over he's like oh is that mark hey and he'll come over with half an apple he's such a dick but he's like a real American boy too like he loves his steak he loves his day well always order it sorry vegans he lipstick yeah let's switch gears queer I yeah yeah what do you want to know I still roll my eyes at this because I don't fully believe it but you've mentioned several times yeah you were gonna retire yeah I had retired at the ripe old age of 34 33 33 at the time so sorry yeah is was that something that you wanted was it just something like you were just done with the biz what were the reasons yes I desperately wanted a I when I was younger I swore to my mom so going back to the story about not telling her that I was going to fashion college she was so disappointed in me and I said to her look I know that you're chalk or the children I'm the youngest we're both the youngest in our families and I know that your other children are successful academically but if you will allow me to just do this I promise you I want to prove my Worth and I will be on the most successful child and that that was it I promise you that wasn't an arrogant comment to her I just thought if you were the first at something in your family and you know that you are going against the grain you better prove that you can do it otherwise you were the punchline that everyone else your extended family Christmas oh you don't want to pull at an France like you don't want to raise a foot of anyone's Joe they always say that about me yeah no I found my mom's constantly saying you don't want to pull an anti-prom ski I'm sorry I know Mom and so believed and so so yeah I really felt like I needed to to prove my Worth and so I thought I wanted I want to do enough and build my own company at some point where I can retire by 40 but things went badly really well what would you have done with your people I wanted okay because you're like you're a busy bee like me we don't sit still you love to take your daytime naps yes always every day 40 minutes but you love to like I feel like you love to be stimulated you're a very passionate person you love people you love interacting like you your true extrovert yeah I hate the thing I don't think I would have just given up completely on work I would have consulted but just in my time but really as you know I want children more than anything in the world and no matter what this life affords me that I always feel like I'm missing the most important thing in my life were just children and so so yeah I want I wanted to have children I want to have four minimum and if that's truly not a joke I truly when I have four minimum I come from a big family Rob comes from a very very big family and so how many siblings has he ha he has seven siblings I know how many do you have I have four we come from very large families and I actually have the smallest family it makes ended family usually have seven or eight siblings also children also and so yeah I love a big family and I love my siblings so much and it's just this yeah that the vibe that our house was always beautiful and so I wanted to just raise my children I wanted to be a statement stay-at-home dad you're gonna be such a good dad thanks Milo I'd like to believe so too I think I'll be the Godfather yes please switching back do not teach them crazy though cuz I do not approve of that no I'm gonna be like the fun Gunkel I'm gonna like buy them a bunch of candy and lo no Legos yes yeah yeah and puppies and I'm just gonna leave them yeah only if they're Corgi puppies please dear we had discussed this we connected the first way we connected up actually at the audition was because you had said oh my gosh I love corgis and I was like I love corgis - I don't know if you remember but that's that's how we first chatted at our audition yeah cuz you didn't like me very much when you first met me actually let me tell you why let me tell you why he was so nice and I I really like to gossip at the end of the night like about my day the or Burch yeah I I would like to believe I'm a very nice but I am unkind to everyone what goes down during the day and you want to be able to say can you believe what that idiot said to me and and I thought that he's not that he's not that down and I was like I can't be with somebody who's just like saintly all the time the funny thing is is we found out that he thought the same about me and so we barely spoke with the first week or so that we were filming them finally we had this one evening where he invited me back to his apartment we all sleep in the same apartment building and I was walking I was walking back to his apartment but it was a little weird because we were exhausted the other boys were partying and then we got a ride back and we had not slept and then he was being a gentleman and walking me back to my apartment and then I don't know if I've ever said this before but like we got there and we were really tired and part of me didn't want to get to know you but then I was like he walked me back like what I have to up I have to up him because I have to up everybody in life it's what I do there are 105 and so I was like oh do you want to come in for a cup of tea and then he said yes and I was like I know I mean in my mind I was thinking what the I'm gonna talk to this guy about and it was kind of really awkward at first because I I keep the lights low and I like to light candles in my room did I have the flat that I have the plants and so it was the first time you were in the oh gosh so I have we we live in you know when we film queer I we don't were not in our own homes and it's really important for me to feel like it's a home and I love plants so I spent like a full weeks pay on just filling the place with plants and I had Star Wars and GI Joe figurines everywhere it was so weird so he walks into my apartment and sits on the sits on the furniture I like light a candle that I'm like this feels too sexy and then I looked and I was like no but there's there's like literal like figurines like we're good we're good and that I made a cup of tea and I think we were both tired and we had our guard down and we just for four hours for hours it got to like three o'clock in the morning I was like okay we have to leave we got to shoot tomorrow morning and I think I shared more with you that night than I have with anybody me too and then I believe I gave mahogany sight I think you might be my new favorite person you're like you know same and then we've been inseparable ever since yeah yeah I don't know how I'd be doing lying about you we cry a lot you too it feels ready good I'm terrible at math we started at 7:30 I was told we had 50 minutes you've got 10 minutes we have 10 more 50 no we started at 7:30 then now it's time we'll take two more minutes what are you more minutes cuz I want it I want to hear what he has to ask you okay can I tell you okay can I talk about the book can I tell you what my a couple of my favorite oh yeah okay all right wait here for the book I was a little offended that all of your style icons like you mentioned gee yeah but I wasn't in there I know I know I do actually love the way you dress but I would like to believe that I helped bring out your kookiest 100% you become very experimental I love that I really do that's thanks to you thanks my love okay one thing I do want to touch on that's in the book is a really important chapter and it's the the chapter that I left out until the very very end I think the book is really fun and funny and I want it to be light-hearted I can be serious but I'm it's not very often I'm super serious like I will always make it a very inappropriate joke to lighten it actually made me like uncomfortable at first how much you delve it no like and sort of because you do bring like levity and humor to everything that you do and you have such an amazing perspective on life like this guy's never shown up on set in a bad mood and if he's in a foul mood he'll let me know but he still always has a smile and the way that you go into anyway it's really good thank you and so it was I wanted to make sure it's a fun book I want you to truly enjoy it but there are certain things that desperately needed to be said and was this one chapter called never forget and it was I wasn't gonna add it and then I added it just before actually just after we closed on the book so they give you a certain time when you can write the book and I had this wonderful writer names current enough for you who I work with very closely and and we would communicate every day and they would ask that my publishers would ask is there anything else that you want to add and I would say no no no I know exactly what I want to add and less leave it at that but then after the book closed a few days eight I was like I have to add this one more chapter and I all feel like I did my people a disservice if I don't write about this I am a very lucky person I'm very privileged to be in a position of influence we have a huge platform on Netflix and now I have a huge platform on Instagram and there's this what the rest of it will be light hearted I promise but there's this one chapter that needed to be added and I want you to read this and I want to really understand this chapter I was worried about it because I thought Americans might really come for me for this chapter because it's really hard I think for Americans to hear it's because 9/11 you guys I understand what happened in this country and I feel this was it was so shocking the world felt it but whenever we see never forget written at the airport when we're coming into this country wherever we go that never forget is important because we don't want to forget the people who were victims of 9/11 however what they also need to understand is that never forget means don't forget to treat people that look like tannaz terrorists even though those people are a tiny tiny tiny fraction of the the Middle Eastern world the one the eastern world that encourages people before this fame before all this to stop me every time I went through customs and treat me like I'm a terrorist so four people on the plane when they saw me walk on clutch their purses and start to look around or focus to see what I'm pulling out from my bag that's a really shitty feeling arrange it feeling I'm not the only one every Muslim I know feels the same way he feels like yes every time we see that never forget that means one thing for us treat us like we're trouble and you even mentioned yes and something I want to make clear and just in case you you you don't read the book I truly hope you do but I want you to understand this is that we are just as scared as anybody any other white for any white person when the his attacks happen there are Muslims in that building who died when a when England's attacked there are Muslims who are being attacked we are being attacked by - we are threatened by two factions at that point by the terrorists and every time we walk down the street we are attacked constantly I remember when we were travelling we were coming back from from Guadeloupe and we were at the airport and we went through security and we both made it past and we were walking towards our gate and then a security guard actually we've never actually spoken about this publicly or actually each other since that happened and a security guard came up to tan and took him away and he was like how long were you gone for you were gone like a good 15 20 minutes yeah yeah yeah not that was the shortest time I've ever be normally it takes about three hours 24 times coming into the country I was detained 24 times going to the country he mentions that in here in like a lot of detail with like your with with issues that you've had with the TSA yeah where they were asked the most ridiculous questions that they would never ask Britney from Iowa like it's Supachai the most stupid and when you first it's not an offense to Britney Britney is a beautiful name oh my god I love Britney but yeah it's the kind of that you just think I I know why you're asking me this and they'll always say no no it's random selection go yourself is it hard to keep your call yeah I I talked about this in the book - it's really hot now - keep my cool because I'm gonna ask you for one thing I you can ask me for pictures anywhere on the street and I'm fine but when I'm being harassed by customs it is really hard to keep a smile on my face and say yeah sure take a selfie this is not the place guys it's not the place and somebody did an Instagram post about what a I was because I wouldn't take a picture with that picture with her but my bags are being checked and I was I'd been there for an hour and a half and they were truly treating me so disgustingly they were so aggressive and this girl came over she was like can I get a quick selfie I was like I've been here for an hour and a half I'm so sorry you can see that they were treating like a terrorist can you just give me 10 minutes and then I'll take a picture when I'm done with this you even gave her that and she went on a rant on social about what a I am in real life I was like okay I make everyone is it easier now yeah because usually there's a member of TSA was like oh it's just he's not a terrorist but that's really but that's really shitty it's like geez all the people who experience that yeah who aren't him I know and I remember all those times all those years that I went through it when I wasn't ten friends I was just tense after yeah just carry your memoir around it I know like who are you and be like I know I know okay do you want to hear what everyone yeah okay I can see the person's name well they wrote their name Stern and say it well so you're getting ready for that question there's somebody in the audience you guys are all watch Netflix because you watch queer oh right okay after this I need to go and watch a comedy special by Ryan Hamilton it's one of my favorite comedy specials on Netflix I got to meet him tonight he's wonderful anyway good is so funny it's so fun go check it out me and my team is gonna laugh so hard enough okay is so funny Ryan Hamilton so Jill Dee asked which celebrity would you love to makeover if you had the chance or even though I all dress up okay not in a way were they yeah hey give me a whoop was I can know where you are roughly oh thank you so much just that won't work for anybody else cuz you're close enough so I can see light and you brought everybody outside you'll have to give me a whoop unfortunately so who I don't do this I don't do makeovers for people because I don't think they they need it desperately it's not about what they're wearing at the makeups that we do on the show a beautiful because we are the makeup is secondary what we're doing is we're trying to connect with them and hopefully change their lives in the most positive way yes I used clothing as a vehicle to help them see themselves in a more loving way but it's definitely not about new clothes but if I could dress a separately it would just be so I could hang out with that person and so it would be Adele she does not need my help but I just want to say I would have put you in clothes and all I need to do is sing the whole time [Laughter] that sounds about right yeah so this dear sweet twelve-year-old and then she wrote girl with don't why the name of Avery Oh God just remember what I asked her Avery's parent or parents I'm so sorry I thought it was over 18 only I'm so sorry I'm so sorry anyways this dear sweet angel who actually wrote please pick this one wait give me a whoop where are you hi I'm so sorry parent did you ever have any concerns about going into a show with an all-gay cast and a bad reaction from the public I think both of us in particular did write terrify yeah yeah yeah it was really nerve-wracking I again we weren't the most private of all of us and I'd lived such a private life and actually a lot of my extended family I wasn't out to and so it was no really nerve-wracking but the most nerve-wracking thing was being on a show so publicly and knowing that I was one of the first openly openly gay people of not of color but yet from South Asia I knew that they were there were big plans for me to make this a very big global show and being that person it was terrifying and so I actually tried to quit the show a couple of times in the first few weeks true story I tell you about that in the book the story's not so like a true Lee tried to quit they wouldn't let me I remember that very well the precious in Sainik I even tell you the pressure is insanely oh I just couldn't read it I'm gonna come back it was gonna be too vulgar you know so said she'll satchel Sekulow satchel satchel with a cute little heart what has been the best worst aspect of the first-generation immigrant experience for you sorry for the loaded question happy Aid ope indeed where are you central hi are you celebrating Eid today Oh evil biotic oh my god a coupling you came here Eve is like this is such a terrible way to describe this but it's our version of Christmas is my Christmas today - ipoh perak book came out your book birthday and yeah okay best part of represented best part of doing this and being Asian is that I get to work I got to be that person for kids and adults that there's never been before I wish that I had somebody on a show like this that I could look up to and say God you look like me you live a life that I lived and I've always felt so alone and I'm really jealous actually yeah I wish I had that because I never saw that and I felt really alone the worst part is there isn't a worst part yeah thankfully I look I'm so proud of this don't know there wasn't where's part yeah I think the first part also is not having mentorship I think that's something that's quite common for lgbtqia+ folks is that we didn't have those mentors growing up yeah we didn't I mostly like heterosexual figures so we kind of like figure it out on our own and we were caricatures of ourselves right TV don't get me wrong I love Jack from Willing grace ball he was the most extreme version I know but there wasn't much of it everyone that's all that you have yeah very good question Tan Eid Mubarak Eid Mubarak as a Pakistani I almost go right yes okay how do you recommend being an ally for gay Muslims in the community how do I recommend it Arnim Raza uh-huh I know I know I know where are you okay I would suggest it's hard because I know how hard it is in our communities the only way you can be there for them truly is to lend them your ear lend them your support be there for them when you know that they're going through a hard time offer them guidance when it comes to their family encourage them to give their families time the easy thing to do an easier thing to do when your family feels like they're not going to accept the life that you have is to run away and not have anything to do with them it actually is a lot harder to give them time and allow them time you we've had a whole lifetime to get to grips with who we are and our sexuality was certain extent they haven't this might be news for them and so we can't expect them to understand immediately give them enough respect to let them to ask you questions offer answers don't let him disrespect you I'm not saying that for a second but at least allow them to ask you questions so they can understand the life that they didn't understand before then what did you learn most about yourself when writing your book xoxo Rachel hello Rachel the really nice script er oh great earrings Rachel you know writing a book is actually really really hard because I thought it was gonna be a relatively simple process I just tell a few stories make people giggle and then that's it but if you really want to write I know many services at this point you know written books are they kind of phone it in like I give two hours to this book this I hours about how are you you do the same like so much we're a lot of Indian food dinners that you have to bail on because you had obnoxious calls with your co-writer yeah got this done it really took it really affected our friendship for a long yeah yeah that's her beat her later and so yeah so what I will say is that the thing that I learned from this was that I'd I'd let my past go I would never say I was bullied as a kid and truly I would never say that but once I started working on the book I realized that I had to put up with that is not okay and I brush it I brush it off the year so last twenty years I've not thought about what it was like to be a kid oh my gosh was one when you read a book you'll know but when you're walking back with your brother and then these you're greeted by a group of white trolls anyway and it was really hard to write those parts being really vulnerable and talking about what it was like to literally have to run to school and back home hoping that you wouldn't get beaten at the age of five knowing that I had to try and find a white family take walk closely too otherwise I was gonna get beaten off that's a shitty reality at five years old so thinking back to those feelings was really Sonne the woman in front of you is actually my co-writer name's Caroline I cried with her so many times on the phone and it was I'm so sorry that was so awkward for you like I fall on like went for it and I'm sorry about that look who does your henna or do you do it I do it like hero forget myself and I wasn't allowed to do henna as a little kid so this is something that I would do it okay because that was a girly thing to do because it's typically women who do it and I was desperate to do it but now I'm free sorry I swore again sorry how quickly we forget I know and so now every time I get to do something really public I'm like yeah I'm South Asian and I will show my ethnicity Charles because beautiful handwriting asks I am of the opinion that you're the best answer and the scene breaks outside of Beyonce or Gaga who would you cite as your dancing inspiration Charlie where are you Charles I like Fairchild Charlie hello can I call you Charlie good so here's the thing I truly I know who it is you love Nicki Minaj normally cubanelle I love dick nut however that's not it I was obsessed with bollywood music as a kid and movies and I thought that I was gonna truly I thought that I was gonna be a Bollywood star one day and so I would practice the dance scenes that I would see the movies they were so lame they were so lame so yeah I would have given all the money I'm dreaming it's still dreaming that one day a Bollywood director listen you will be in a Bollywood film that was happen I'd have to I just want like you can summon croissants you can make it happen I feel like it's I just want like a walk hard I just want to be in the background serving somebody something like it's what a woman yeah cute little fashion question Chelsea what was your favorite from the Met Gala okay Google this if you don't know who it is later not now Ezra Miller I knew you were gonna say that and I will say a lot of the men did a better job than the women this year and I like what the tide is turning I like that the tide is turning on the red carpet I like the men are being more bold at you you mean Jonathan robbing robber we we like Billy Porter it's usually the people who are clear but we do we really do make an effort these days and we want to we want to we want to put it as much into our outfits as the women do which I really like yeah here's our outfit on the red carpet last night was killer google it later also know right now thank you he was not sure at least give me very disappointed but you look great still 12 you she probably thinks you look great shirtless to write off your on from Zhai robe I recently came out to my mom as lesbian I'm Muslim too and have grown up in a Muslim household it went badly what advice do you have in regards to being yourself despite hardship I'm sorry it went badly mine went badly too my advice is the same as I gave to that which is take your time if it was recent believe me the first few years are hard and they're very confused and we have to accept the fact that you're not gonna like this but I needed to hear it you have to accept the fact that our culture doesn't know where are you sorry oh yes you don't need to say you don't say sir okay great first off it's super brave that you did that I know how true believe me I know how hard it is our community doesn't have people in the media in movies in our communities who are out of proud and so you've got to accept the fact that your families have never seen this before Western communities have had this on TV for decades now not great representations but still they're beat there's been exposure and so they understand it there's representative says that there's representation we have never had that so our families are confused they don't understand what it is they they're scared they're worried about who you might become it's just it's a matter of time I'm hoping that people like me and other people from our communities being more visible on TV will encourage them to see us as the same and equal and so it's just gonna take time but in the meantime until our communities catch up with the rest of the world let them ask you questions that I know that angry right now I know that you're angry at them right now and believe me it was real real I know that feeling all too well I cried well there was we were in Australia last year and I just found out that morning that my family were incredibly angry at me and I had to go on and perform for 12:00 I was pretending I was happy every day when I cried I cried in the restroom every couple of hours and this was literally just a few months ago I know how hard it is but we are now a point where we are wonderful with each other and I just it just was a matter of time and it was allowing them to ask the questions they just don't understand allow them time as a broke AF college student yes balance what are easy cheap ways to upgrade our work wardrobes smart business casual Jenny and lorina Jenny Lorena hello don't go up anything crazy keep it super simple find your style but go with staples that you know in the last a few years go with simple quartz go with simple college students that are interchangeable things that you can make outfits out of we call it a capsule wardrobe go for that things that are super easy you can get cheaper say Hannah loves the capsule wardrobe a capsule wardrobe really avorite word because it's so easy like you go goat and don't go any expensive Uniqlo hmm Zara like any of those places he loved cars I love cars but it's more expensive that's a lot of Krista college students oho oh he's changed we're the relatable so yeah go to those kind of places get a $5 t-shirt just make sure it's simply enough where you can vintage baby Oh what you want to make it so that you can create any outfit really quickly mix and match that like you wouldn't believe so get like 20 things maximum make sure that all classics simple but they represent your style and then rotate rotate rotate I love hearing you talk about faster than your like your face just lights up I'm newly single after three years starting a new phase of my new career and everything feels upside down any info any advice for a transitional period in your mid-20s okay Leah Margaret I wanted to say your name but it felt so vulnerable and yeah thank you for sharing that yeah thank you for sharing that clearly at least one other person can really relate to you on a very personal level it's hard yes oh hi sweetheart got a couple of you got two tickets that's nuts thank you so much restraining guard at that lady jk jk jk jk my advice is here's the thing you are still so young I know it doesn't feel like it I know it feels like oh my god it's time like I need to find somebody that's no rush truly there's no rush I know that in America the the the nice thing is oh by your mid-20s she's buying something settle down by the time you're 30 that's America only nobody else in Europe gives a move to Europe finally gray I love your life but what I will say is this I found my husband after a while of being single and the only way I could be the best part of him is by not wanting it or not what not needing it I was very good being single - holy happy and actually he ruined my plan and I'm not saying do it don't be fake about it don't think I'm real good with this I can't really happy single when really you like find someone find someone find someone that actually be really good being single and then that's when you'll be a lot more comfortable feeling the right person and your you won't it won't feel like you desperately need them you will just want them and they will be additive to your life I want to do I'm not even kidding I want to do a full freaking tour across the country encouraging people to just take time to be single I want to do a dating talk I feel like I have I've helped so many people date at this point because I've been in a very successful nation for a long time and I won't call you on your a lot when most people well and I know if you're the problem and I will tell you I can tell you that that's true he hate he hates that I will always give unsolicited advice but if you really love your friends you tell them what if they're like no most of the time you're right when have I been wrong you will learn two things about me in this book and this is a common thread throughout this book I love and I told you so more than anyone I know a ring incident yeah wait till you get I didn't know that and hardly you you find a time when I'm wrong and tell me hi sweet an exclamation mark where is your favorite favorite underlined five times place in London to get a piece of pie cake or any pastry Lexie wants to know smiley face heart you know where it is where did we go in Soho we went somewhere for pie in Soho yeah after Nando's before India God we go I don't remember you went to that cake place we got all the cakes oh my god is really good but that was the first time I'd be now that I don't know I really like the walls Lee for their cakes really good yeah I don't care if Saudis recording this I'm just gonna call them out don't go to sketch they charge like but Americans are always there and I went one side store you are tricking these Americans so hard they've got ready cute pink so it's all pink and it looks gorgeous it's a great Instagram moment but it's like 110 dollars for high tea yourself [Applause] we've actually gone through all the questions I have a last one and this is our last question of the night sorry tan yeah as an immigrant to the US how do you keep an open mind and heart to connect and relate to some anti-immigrant people as shown in queer I Daniella I spent my whole life thank you for your question that actually is a really nice question and I want to explain I spent my earlier years being really angry at people in England who who would say you really mean things to me as anyone would it's a normal reaction to feel anger and hurt but I learned that that was getting me nowhere so I used to say again cover your ears twelve-year-old a sister I guess don't my sandwich always got pocket now but that was getting me nowhere and that would make them really angry and it would make me really angry and so early on when I got to the age about 15 16 17 I learned the only way to get around that was by asking that like actually confronting them and saying I don't understand why you think it's okay to call me that why do you think that I am what you think I am for example somebody once said I pay for you to live in this country no sir I can tell you're broke as a joke I pay for you to live in this country I work I work I work two jobs and so do my family like why didn't just because I'm brand-new things sometimes we worked more than two jobs even absolutely absolutely and so so the only way I can handle that sorry I had a lifetime of training so now when I get to you may remember Cory waldrop the cop I'm not intimidated by those conversations because I've spent my whole life having to convince people that I am equal to them and so at this point I actually see it as a lovely challenge my in-laws had never met somebody that that looked like me before and I convinced them to let me know this son these are staunch a Mormon Wyoming folk and I convinced them to at this Brown Muslim Pakistani guy married a silent and I will end on this if you are this gonna sound really corny but I've been in America a long time I've learned that you guys really like this kind of stuff stuff is good but it really does work right you guys love an Oprah effect but just by being loving with people like it really does have an incredible effect on them if you lead with that angered they're gonna be angry back if somebody feels nervous about meeting you because of who you are because you the fact that you're an immigrant if you lead with kindness and love they what I found this is my own personal experience they're usually quite receptive back at least to hear what you have to say and if you don't leave with anger it's like a missed opportunity to form a connection exactly and look at all these people that we've helped run query' most of would never ever have entertained the idea of having us 5 queers in their bloody living room and vice versa yeah and now they love us thank you very much thank you you

Channel: 92nd Street Y

Views: 277,430

Rating: 4.976512 out of 5

Keywords: 92Y, 92nd Street Y, tan france, antoni porowski, queer eye, LGBTQ, Pride, fashion, style

Id: ESbAIO1gwCI

Length: 64min 44sec (3884 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 31 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/charcoalandblusher]

This was such a chill and lovely convo! Really enjoyed it, highly recommend to all, especially if you feel that sunday anxiety creeping in.

[u/JustCallMeNorma]

So, so lovely. Their bond is so very genuine, it’s hard not to feel the love.

[u/evithian]

I was there! I'm pretty sure my question was the one Antoni couldn't read...

[u/brieasaurusrex]

I listen to this when I’m having a bad day

[u/TheCalmingSloth]

So happy I watched this today. It’s so life giving and I love it.