Olivia Colman reads a novelist's (rather funny) complaint letter to a funeral parlour

[Applause] hi hello everyone dear sir I am writing to you to object to the word Caines which was used by your representative when met with my mother and me two days after my father's death we had no objection to your representative personally who was respectful and friendly and dealt with us in a sensitive way he did not try to sell us an expensive n for instance what startled and disturbed us was the word cremains you in the business must have invented this word and you are used to it we the public do not hear it very often we don't lose a close friend or a family member very many times in our life and years pass in between if we are lucky even less often do we have to discuss what is to be done with a family member or a close friend after their death we notice that before the death of my father you and your representative used the words loved one to refer to him that was comfortable for us even if the ways in which we loved him were complicated then we were sitting there in our chairs in the living room trying not to weep in front of your representative who was opposite us on the sofa and we were very tired first from sitting up with my father and then from worrying about whether he was comfortable as he was dying and then from worrying about where he might be now that he was dead and and your representative referred to him as the Caines at first we did not know what he meant then when we realized we were frankly upset Caines sounds like something invented as a milk substitute in coffee like cremora or coffee mate or it sounds like some kind of a chipped beef dish as one who works with words for a living I must say that any invented word like pter poty or poopa scooper has a cheerful or even jovial ring to it that I don't think you really intended when you invented the word cremains in fact my father himself who was a professor of English and is now being called Caines would have pointed out to you the alliteration in portapotty and the rhyme in poopa scopa then he would have told you that Caines falls into the same category as brunch and is known as a portmanto word there is nothing wrong with inventing words especially in a business but a grieving family is not prepared for this one we are not even used to our loved one being gone you could very well continue to employ the term ashes we are used to it from the Bible and are even comforted by it we would not misunderstand we would know that these ashes are not like the ashes in a fireplace yours sincerely Lydia [Applause]

Channel: Letters Live

Views: 249,698

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Id: S-FJ_np2Wvc

Length: 4min 2sec (242 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 18 2023