>> This episode of the Modern Rogue brought to you by Squarespace. >> Go to squarespace.com/rogue. That's R-O-G-U-E and get
10% off your first purchase. >> Yeah. >> Was that correct? >> I don't know. [laughing] >> What's the hottest pepper
you guys have ever eaten? >> Anthony Kiedis. [laughing] >> That was so fast! That was so fast. >> That's how he paid
for the new headquarters. [laughing] [upbeat music] >> [Electronic Voice]
Testing hot pepper remedies and some other stuff. >> We're joined by The Beerists,
Grant and John. Good to see you guys.
>> Good to see you too. >> Hello sir. >> Originally I wanted
to feed you guys pepper and then try various
beers as like solutions to help with the burning and then John was like, "That's stupid." >> Yeah, don't have me on do
something I would never do. Like I've eaten a lot of hot peppers, I don't think beer helps ever ever. >> Ever. >> I don't know a lot about peppers, but I've eaten a lot of them. >> Yeah, that's fine. That doesn't stop anyone
from talking about anything on the internet, it doesn't matter. >> Especially us. >> Yeah. I guess the idea is The
Modern Rogue would be somebody who could eat a Guatemalan insanity pepper and casually remark on its nuances and then just secretly
drink some candle wax. I'm describing The Simpsons. [laughing] That's quite literally what I'm doing. >> I'm okay with that. I'm going to be feeding
Grant some peppers. Rubio's going to be feeding you peppers. We're going to rate the pain and then we're going to
try a variety of solutions to see if it'll keep you
from screaming and crying. >> I'm not sure I feel about
the dynamic of two adults and two children, I mean it's just like--- >> Why are we in the little chairs? >> Yeah, we're in the little chairs and you both know that Grant and I are going to give the bigger
reactions and you guys-- >> There are certain lots
that we all draw in life. >> All right, all right. >> John, what's the first one? You have like an Anaheim pepper or? >> Yeah, we have Anaheim peppers. This is the big one. And it shouldn't be much
more than a green pepper, like a bell pepper with
a little bit of a kick. >> Dude, I love bell peppers. >> JASON: Okay, so you don't
have to eat the whole thing. >> Do we have to swallow this? >> What the [crunching]? >> JOHN: Yeah, what are the rules? >> I get the eating for everyone here, but I don't have to deal with
the ramifications tomorrow for anyone on camera. >> Okay, yeah sure. All right, yeah, so you can spit. We've got-- >> I'll have you know. >> I'll eat this. >> How does this sound to you? You you put the whole
pepper in your mouth, chew it up for a good 10
seconds, like a 10 count, and then you can spit it out. >> We will also be
rating you on manliness. >> Oh, oh! This is for the internet, okay. All right. [clears throat] So it begins. Anaheim pepper? >> JOHN: Yeah. >> Looks delish. [peppers crunching] >> JOHN: Okay, satisfying crunch. >> Wow, that's okay, you're
really committing Brian. Good job. On a scale of one to 10, what kind of burning is the capsaicin, capsaicin is the chemical
that makes it burn. How many Scovilles is the
Anaheim pepper usually? >> I believe it tops off it like 2,000. >> Okay, so bad at all. >> 500 to 2,000 about, yeah. >> Oh, they must reduce the sauces to get the millions of Scoville
units or whatever. >> Yeah, some of the really
high Scoville unit sauces are all extracted.
>> Weapons. >> Yeah, they're all weaponized. >> The higher the Scoville units the more pain you feel basically. It's about a two. I mean I get it in there, especially when you start
getting into the seeds in here, but it's not bad. >> You know the way some
people will just grab an apple and eat it, I'm told,
I've never experienced it. I do that with bell peppers
and this is like yeah, I think a two is about right. Maybe two and a half as you
take a little time with it. >> Okay do we even need to try a remedy? >> Yes. >> Okay, what do you think John? >> I don't think weak. Maybe the bread. >> The bread, okay.
>> Yeah. >> I have heard this is one
of the surefire solutions. >> It's getting warm.
>> It's a little bit warm. Like I don't want to bite the middle. >> I think we both we both
started, came on too strong. We're going to regret this. >> I mean but we should say two given the upper limits of
where we're going, right? >> No, it's definitely a three. [laughing] Possibly a four. >> All right for the next
step you're going to rub it directly on your rectum. >> It's literally what's
about to happen in 24 hours. [laughing] >> Eventually that's going to happen. I have heard that bread
was one of the more effective methods of defusing the pain. >> You hear that, don't you? >> Slice of bread? >> Yeah, I've heard that. >> Now you swear that nothing works. >> Nothing works. Some thing work temporarily. In one sitting I've
eaten three ghost peppers and nothing helped at all for 12 hours. >> You have a sweat mustache. It's already started. >> You said three, you said two Grant. Now that you're eating
the bread, better, less? >> I'd say that like when
you put it in the mouth it kind of tamps down on
the tongue for a little bit so you're not noticing the spiciness. Once you swallow it's
still kind of there but-- >> Still there. >> While you're eating the
bread, definite distraction. I would say I mean
against this 50% efficacy where it's like because
right now when I stop you feel this warm glow coming up and that warm glow of pain is not there during the exact moments
that you're eating the bread. >> Yeah, this is a respite. It doesn't end but at least
you get to take a break and I'm like okay, that's fine. And I mean for me the heat isn't that bad. I'm going to sweat a lot. >> I always thought it
was pronounced respite, but I'm going to start
pronouncing it respite. >> Is it respite? >> BRIAN: I have no idea. >> [Male electronic Voice] Respite. >> [Female Electronic Voice] Respite. >> [Male Electronic Voice] Respite. [laughing] >> It's like I'm taking a respite. You're like shouldn't you be at work? You're like I said a respite. >> JOHN: That's so much better. [laughing] >> What's next pepper John? >> Jalapeño.
>> Jalapeños. It's going to start to get fun gentleman. >> So jalapeños are a little
bit hotter, but you know, it's a pretty good pepper. >> We know we're in for. >> I guess I'm just now
realizing past Brian is an [crunching]. Present Brian doesn't deserve
to be treated like this by past Brian. >> Future Brian's an [crunching]. [laughing] >> JOHN: Jalapeños are pretty mild usually for the first inch or so. >> Yeah, I feel like it's
all I need to really taste. I can go all the way on here. >> JOHN: You have to at
least chew the rest of it. >> I talked a big game
and I'm on your side, we're going to chew and be spitting. >> Sweating around the eye already. >> JASON: Are you really? >> Oh, yeah. >> Okay so scale of one to
10, how you feeling right now? >> This is one of the
tricks is that the heat is always cumulative, right? It's an extended exposure over time. And it causes that pain to kind of come up so I'm tempted to wait to
give you a proper accounting of how hot this feels. >> JASON: Okay. >> I give that about a four or five. >> JASON: A four or five? Okay. >> Somewhere in between. >> JASON: Discomfort increasing. >> Yeah, it's not pleasant,
but it's bearable. So it's just eh. I know that this kind of
pain in my mouth will go away in about three minutes, five minutes. >> Yeah, what he said. >> Yeah, you could put
the rest of it down. >> That would make him-- >> There's other things
that are worse coming. [laughing] >> All right, as far as
remedies go, what is this? Tomato sauce. >> Bring it. Tomatoes and jalapeño, this seems like it would go well together anyway. >> Are you're supposed
to be dizzy already? [laughing] >> You go first. >> BRIAN: Yeah. >> JASON: We've got cups, if you want to-- >> Yeah, hand me a cup right there. >> You say nothing works. I think the reverse might be
that literally anything works in that like literally anything is better than sitting there on fire. >> And taking it?
>> Yeah. >> Okay, so you said four or five. What did you say Brian? >> I mean I'm crying so
I guess it's got to be a good six at this point. >> JASON: Okay, wow, all right. >> A little tingle in the hand
there, that's a good sign. >> Are you okay? Right hand. >> Just a mild stroke. >> And I do have to warn you that once we start getting
into the hotter stuff you're probably going to
feel like you're dying or that you might want to
call an ambulance, don't. It's just the hot pepper, you're fine. Don't think you're going to
die, it's just a hot pepper. It just stings. >> Tomato sauce as a remedy
is a one, it's garbage. It does nothing in fact
it almost feels hotter. >> Oh really? >> Because it evokes tastes
and feelings of hot pizza and all I could think of is the fire that is burning within me right now. >> What about you Grant? >> I didn't know you were going
to handle peppers worse than me. [laughing] I think that this isn't so bad. I think there's a little bit
of acid in the tomato sauce that might help a little bit just kind of cooling it initially. >> Like I'm not having more because I think it's more unpleasant. I do agree that the bread
was better than this as far as dealing with
the heat but I don't know. I'm kind of cool with just
sipping some tomato sauce. >> Do we want to try a different remedy? >> I would like another remedy. >> A different remedy, okay John you pick. >> Cottage cheese. >> Cottage cheese. >> Oh yeah. >> BRIAN: I bet this one will be good because it's a dairy product, right? >> JASON: Yeah, dairy is supposed to help. >> Yeah, a couple of things
that a lot of people say help are dairy and acids like lemon and lime. >> As I understand it the
casein, the protein in dairy, interrupts the bonding of the capsaicin to your receptors in your tongue. >> Yeah, that's what I hear
and apparently the acids will actually cleave
the capsaicin molecule. >> Oh, wow!
>> From what I understand. I don't know how true that is but I've read that in a few places. >> Okay, how you feel now? Is that helping at all? >> Yeah. >> Today I found out
I hate cottage cheese. [laughing] I never tried it and now I just did. Effective but not so effective that I want to taste that again. >> Okay. >> I think it definitely
helps a lot more, yeah. >> JASON: Oh wow, okay. >> I'm going to go back to the bread. >> It's cooling on the tongue and that creaminess coats
everything pretty evenly. >> Okay. >> That's not bad. >> Yeah, usually when I have a salve it's because I've had
something extremely hot and nothing helps it so that's where my suspicion came from. I've never tried it with less hot things because that's like a
walk in the park for me. >> Could I literally have anything cold? Just water or [static
buzzes], literally anything. Time is the best respite. >> Do you notice that air
from you breathing out kind of like reignites everything? >> So I'm inhaling through my mouth and exhaling through my nose because the warmth of my breath like that actual heat combined
with the perceived heat from the capsaicin is too painful. So it feels good to have cold coming in and then just exhale
through my, [inhales] oh. >> All right so now that
you've done cottage cheese and a little bit of bread yourself and the tomato sauce, pain rating? >> I'm back down to three. >> JASON: Okay. >> And that's time. I'm almost certain none
of this has helped. There's the brief experience
of the perception of pain that's alleviated but I'm convinced I'm on Team Rubio right now. >> Grant? >> Yeah, I'd still say that the jalapeño is about a four on the heat, but I've dropped down to a two. I'm kind of where I was with the Anaheim. >> Okay so it's probably
more just the waiting that helped with the pain? >> Yeah.
>> All right. >> And it wasn't even that long, it was just like a
minute or two afterwards. >> So not so bad. >> It's been 12 minutes. [laughing] >> It's an eternity John! >> Hey, it's like the end of the jaunt, you're like it's forever in there. [laughing] You and four people in
the comments got that. >> We got our next one. >> Yeah, this serranos. >> GRANT: Serranos! >> A little bit hotter than jalapeños. >> Yeah. These are going to be pretty good. >> I usually buy serranos
instead of jalapeños when I need that kind of pepper in a dish just because they tend
to be season after season more consistent in their heat where jalapeños can
vary in a single season for how hot it is. Serranos are usually rock
solid during that season. >> JASON: Okay. >> JOHN: Yeah, but they're
usually a bit hotter than a jalapeño. >> Oh, ho, ho, ho! >> JOHN: That's a mistake! >> Gone-zo! Wow. Okay, he's okay, yeah. >> JOHN: Oh, he's going to
do the spit out trick, cool. [Grant spitting loudly] >> We're those sounds necessary? >> Am I okay including
less but swallowing, does that even us out here? >> JASON: I don't know. John, how deep does
Brian have to go on that? >> JOHN: Put the whole
thing in your mouth, chew it a couple times, and spit it out. >> I don't want to spit, I
don't want to be that guy. >> JOHN: Okay, okay that's good. [Grant coughing] >> Ah! I was thinking the spice didn't hit but then they just chewed a pepper and it just got lodged
in the back of my throat. >> Okay so is it true
that there's capsaicin, more capsaicin in the seeds? It feels hotter the deeper
into the pepper you go, I always thought it was the seeds. >> It's the part that connects the seeds to the inside of the
peppers, it's the veins. The fleshy business. >> The fleshy pale parts. >> The heart, yeah. >> Serrano pepper, scale of one to 10? >> It's five. >> Too early to call. Right now I am better off than when I was at the end of that jalapeño but I ate the entire jalapeño, I think it's just going to
take a little bit of time. >> That's because you didn't
get to the end of the pepper. >> Oh boy. >> Let's try some Topo Chico. How about that? >> Yes, yes, yes, yes. >> That's one thing that
I found works really well as long as it's in your mouth. >> Are we going to use
the good stuff right away? [laughing] >> That's great. >> It feels good on the side of the face. >> Also universal experience to anybody who enjoys Topo Chico. >> JOHN: Is that cold or room temperature? >> JASON: It's room temperature. >> BRIAN: Mother [crunching]. >> Oh, that's great Murphy
you're super considerate. >> Oh wait, what's your rating, one to 10? >> Seven, seven, seven, seven. >> JOHN: You might want
to hold off on the sevens. >> Ah, six. >> I shouldn't have swallowed,
it's in the back of my throat. I... >> Topo Chico always seems to have like this little bit of like a lemony note. >> JASON: Yeah, a little bit. >> Something, something Lemony Snicket Series of Unfortunate Events. >> Put a little bit in your mouth and kind of hold it on your
tongue for a little bit. >> This hurt guys. >> JOHN: Does it hurt still? >> I feel like the
effervescence on this isn't fun. >> Okay. I always found it works real well for me. >> BRIAN: Yeah, there it is. >> JASON: Oh no! >> The nose has opened up, huh? >> Oh, it's better. >> Get some leaks. You know what I need more than anything, more than a paper towel is to sit here and laugh at him for awhile more. [laughing] >> You know on the positive side we have two more of these pepper to go. >> Yeah. >> Just blur all of this. >> These aren't even
supposed to be that bad. How many Scovilles is a serrano? >> Oh, not that much. [laughing] You look like somebody
kicked an aloe vera plant. [laughing] >> I'm going to puke. I can't keep looking at Brian.
>> This is the best day of my month. This is the best day of my month. I love it. >> I didn't expect this. [laughing] >> Just wipe it dude. >> It's so gross. >> I might vomit. >> All right, pain rating,
what are you guys at? >> A three? >> I'm back down to a four now. >> JASON: Oh okay, what was your peak? What was your peak? >> Peak was like seven. >> JASON: Okay. >> Was a legit seven. >> You went from a spilled
build shampoo bottle to a four in three seconds. That's amazing. >> Yeah, a little bit. >> This is going to be terrible.
>> What's that? Okay, this is a Thai chili. >> Thai chili. This one is 50 to a 100,000 Scovilles. >> What the [crunching]
are we doing Grant? >> JOHN: They're real small, just put the whole thing in
your mouth and chew it up. >> I'm going to spit it out.
>> 10 seconds and then spit it out. >> This is what happens when we let Jason and
Rubio write the episodes. [laughing] >> It can't be hot, look how tiny it is. Okay, Thai chili, how many Scovilles? >> JOHN: A lot. >> JASON: A lot. >> Yeah, 50 to a 100,000. >> That was fast. >> Okay, I'm ready. >> That one punches nice and hard. >> Hey guys, that was fine. >> Jason And John: Yeah? >> Ah, that was easy. >> JASON: Really? >> Yeah, there's nothing to it. >> I think both of us spat too quickly. >> I counted to 10. >> JASON: What kind of count? >> Do more like 15. How's that? >> A count of 15? >> The whole down to the end. >> No, there's only one way to be sure. [laughing] >> Do you not think that maybe we need to give it a few seconds? >> Shoot till it hurts. >> I don't think it's coming. I think it... >> If you haven't started feeling it now, you're not going to feel it.
>> Yeah. >> JOHN: Chew it. >> JASON: And just let it, yeah, let it sit until the pain starts. >> We chew until we cry. Oh wait, we could stop. >> We've already started
crying on the last pepper. [laughing] >> I'm still at like three or four right. >> Really? >> Hmm-mm. >> JOHN: Maybe we got
some air ball Thai chilis. >> JASON: That happens. >> They're an agricultural product. Sometimes it doesn't
work out with the heat. >> Okay. [Brian mumbling] >> I just full-on ate that. Shockingly disappointing. Less than the jalapeño. >> If it's all the same, I'm
not going to swallow it but-- >> Less than the jalapeño, yeah. >> Okay cool. >> Unless we've built up a
tolerance from the other ones like already everything's kind of burning. Yeah, I don't-- >> Everything else was a wave, right? You felt it come on and you
felt it dissipate, right? >> Right. >> And this one it's
just a very weak wave. >> Yeah I'd say I'm at a four on that. Less than the jalapeño, I agree. >> JASON: What are you doing? What are you doing? >> I mean they really
don't do anything, right? >> And this is how the world ends. >> BRIAN: It's weird to feel dizzy. >> JOHN: Oh, he's going
to do three at a time. >> JASON: We'll help support your family. >> That's a little bit-- >> You got to stop with the Topo, you got to stop with the Topo. >> Why? >> Because we got to move
onto different remedies. It's an experiment, Brian! >> Okay, I'm now feeling a thing. What's another remedy? >> JASON: Okay. >> Also give me more Topo, Jesus. >> You can't have Topo, put the Topo down. Do it for science. Dude, stop with the Topo! >> All right, gimme, gimme, gimme. >> There's a whole jar of
peanut butter you can drink. >> Peanut butter, peanut butter. Yeah, this is great, this is great. Okay, so creeping up on a six. This is a slow acting poison. What have you done? >> It went to six. I mean it's still not the worst but it's something like
just extra uncomfortable about that one. >> JASON: You did eat like four of them. >> Whew, yeah. [laughing] >> Would you like some peanut butter? >> Let's do it for science. >> If this makes you snot on
the next pepper come out cloudy I'm going to be so happy. [laughing] >> I don't even want to
swallow this, this is awful. >> Peanut butter's nothing. >> JASON: It's not helping? [laughing] >> I'm going to vomit. >> It's like [crunching], give me a diet [crunching]
or some [crunching]. Jesus Christ. >> You sit down, you coward! >> Where are you going? >> You coward! >> This is your show. >> BRIAN: The peanut butter sucks man. [laughing] Did you guys make that up? Is that a real one? You mother [crunching]. >> Hey, let's try a different one. I brought a bucket of lard. [laughing] >> Man, why didn't I think of that. Aw, that would be great. >> You know what the peanut butter does? It's like it holds
everything on there for ya. Oh, is that spice there? Let's glue it on there. >> Okay, one to 10, how you feeling? Spot-check. >> Efficacy zero. This is the worst solution
you've come up with yet. >> Yeah. >> The peppers are
delicious and delightful. They have a very delayed
effect for it to come on, but it comes on not quite as strong as even the jalapeño or the serrano. You should not have eaten those. >> Well I spit mine out. This is a mess. This is a mess on this boy. >> Hey, you were so excited you went and got a pepper costume. >> Oh [crunching], I forgot
about the pepper costume! [laughing] Can I put on my pepper costume? >> JOHN: Go put it on man. >> BRIAN: Ugh, I feel weak. [laughing] >> Hey, where's the party at? >> Yeah. >> Hey, what did you do
with Grant, Happy Pepper? >> Oh god, oh god. >> All right go ahead and-- >> It wasn't even a zero. That [crunching] was like a negative. It made it worse. >> Imagine if your goal was to reduce the heat of a tungsten fire and your solution was to wrap it in insulation in fiber glass. That's what that was, it was awful. >> Good to know. We're going to eat the habanero. I'm going to give you one of the remedies that I have over here and
it's not going to work. >> Why do you have syrup? >> I just thought that 'll be cool. [laughing] >> You [crunching]. >> JOHN: He's just making
things up. [laughing] >> Cut. A little bit, a little bit. >> His remedies are just
things he had on his counter. >> He's a [crunching] snake oil salesman. >> No, no, no, too soon, too soon. >> JOHN: Habanero peppers. >> Okay, let me ask this. This one's a little bit darker, and some of them are
lighter, does that matter? >> JOHN: No. >> Is it like richer in-- >> JOHN: No, there's some like Habaneros will come in several different colors. Green, red, orange, yellow. They're all about the same. >> Scovilles? >> 100 or 200,000 to 350,000. >> Why! >> JOHN: 100,000 to 350,000. >> At that don't point, don't measure. >> JASON: All right,
whenever you guys are ready. >> Why is everything so tingly? That's not normal, right? >> JOHN: I don't know. >> If I were to guess and
I have no basis for this I would guess that we are
hyperventilating ourselves and that we're getting dizzy as a result. >> All right, should we all
do the last one together? Camaraderie? >> Wait, it occurs to me that if you genuinely will eat
that at the interview. >> I will, I will yeah. >> If that is the case, that
seems like that would be worth $10 a month at patreon.com/modernrogue where you can see Jason
get his comeuppance. >> Okay, good call. >> Cheers buddy. Tink. >> JOHN: All the way down. >> Oh, [crunching] you. >> JOHN: Take the whole
thing, all the way. >> JASON: Good job, good job, good job. >> JOHN: This was a slow creeper, it's going to start in the
back of the throat probably. What do you think of a
taste of the habanero? >> It's beautiful.
>> Isn't the flavor delicious? >> Yeah, it's good. >> I like habanero salsa
quite a bit actually. >> Seems like we should
feel something by now. >> I guess longer wait? >> JOHN: This is a slow burn. >> JASON: It's a slow burn. >> JOHN: It's a slow burn. >> I'm going to spit it out now before. >> JASON: Really? >> I'm still experience zero pain. >> JOHN: It looks like somebody liquefied a parrot in that thing. [laughing] >> This is a smoothie available
for [static crackles]. >> Oh, god. >> It's so gross. A kings cup. >> JASON: Kings cup. [laughing] Kings cup. >> It's coming, it's coming, it's coming. >> JASON: It's coming? >> Like what I first feel
is kind of a flushness of my face, I feel warmth in my face, but it's still kind of mild. My sinuses actually feel
a little bit clearer. The pepper itself, it had a
little bit of a sourness to it, a little bit of a tang. >> JOHN: Yeah, a little citrusy, hmm-mm. >> GRANT: It was good. >> Oh, oh, there it is. [laughing] >> I'm kind of okay. I mean it's building. I feel it building. I'm not enjoying breathing out anymore. It's like I want to hold my breath in. >> I'm not enjoying breathing anymore but other than that it's fine. One to 10? >> Eight, seven. >> JASON: Seven? >> No, that serrano is the worst. I don't know. This one's increasing. >> JOHN: Yeah, this one
will ramp up for awhile. >> This could be a game changer but I wonder if I should chew another one? >> If you want to chew
another one, you can. >> That's so [crunching] gross. >> JASON: Your call buddy. >> That's so gross. >> JASON: That's super gross, yeah. >> Why do you let it drip? It's like you're doing that, what's that, the neti pot [crunching] man. >> JASON: The neti pot! >> But there's no neti pot! >> JASON: Brian, what's your number buddy? >> Eight. >> JASON: Okay. >> That's an eight? Ears are clogging. >> JASON: Your ears are clogging? >> Yeah. >> Should I eat another one? >> JASON: Your call man. >> JOHN: It's up to you man. >> I'm already back down
to like a six though. >> That serrano is the worst. >> BRIAN: Time is the best. >> As far as like, my mouth is fine. >> BRIAN: Oh dear. >> We have some baby food here. >> BRIAN: Nope! [laughing] >> JOHN: Do you want them to throw up? >> Opt out, opt out. >> JASON: No? >> Do not trust. >> JOHN: I was going to say milk. >> It's green bean flavor. >> Hey look, is it
actually green bean flavor? >> Yeah. >> It turns out it's-- >> JASON: It's just green beans. >> He [crunching] lied,
it's blended habanero. [laughing] >> JASON: Does it help at all? I don't think it will. >> I gave it maybe a one. >> JASON: Okay. >> It's really mild but
there's a sauce component. >> JOHN: It's less than the tomato sauce. >> Okay, would you like
milk, olive oil, honey, or maple syrup? >> Or a bag of human [crunching]? [laughing] How about some milk? >> I don't feel like the spice hit though. >> JOHN: No? >> I feel like there's all
these other aspects of the heat like ears clogging. Kind of feel a little
bit of pressure up here but like my mouth isn't
burning like I thought. >> JOHN: We may have numbed the mouth. >> JASON: Oh, oh yeah. >> JOHN: Maybe. >> Like respiratory distress but no spice. >> JOHN: Right. >> JASON: All right. >> JOHN: Let's do one of these. >> JASON: is that the big one? >> JOHN: Yeah, a little bit. >> JASON: Is that the most
powerful one you have? >> Yeah, yeah.
>> Okay. >> Mad Dog 357 hot sauce. >> JASON: Scovilles 357,000 Scovilles? >> 357,000. >> We should jump right to that one? >> JOHN: Yeah, why not? >> GRANT: oh god. >> JOHN: Yeah, just a the
little dime sized dollop. >> Like what are you feeling here? Does your mouth burn? >> In order of severity I feel betrayal. [laughing] I don't think any of
these are even thought of as real solutions except for this one. This is the first one. >> I appreciate that you
got whole and not skim. >> Milk, legit super effective. Legit super effective the moment
you experience drinking it as long as it's cold. I think it's important that
it does be actually cold. >> This is warm milk. >> Correct, it's not as
cold as I would like. >> JASON: It's been in
the fridge, I'm sorry. >> It briefly takes everything away, lasts maybe 10 seconds till it comes back. >> JOHN: Oh Jason. >> JASON: What? >> What do you mean what? >> GRANT: What does he got over there? >> JASON: Don't look. >> GRANT: I'm not looking. >> JASON: All right, are we doing this? This is a tested remedy. >> That's not food. Grant you're doing far
better than I ever imagined. >> What, everything's clogged. >> You're doing far better
than I've ever imagined. >> I am super curious to hit these three. Were you just going to have
us take a spoon of sugar? >> JASON: Oh, that's
supposed to actually work, yeah that's legit. >> When are we doing these? >> Did you intentionally
just use the whole episode to do your bull [crunching] ones? >> What, no, no, no! >> I don't know what you have over there, but I need you to look
me in the [crunching] eye and pinky promise me it's a
real [crunching] solution. >> JASON: I can't do that Brian. [laughing] >> Did you look into that at all? >> There was intense amounts of research. >> Really? >> GRANT: Guys, I'm going to try this. >> No. >> That's not food. >> It's not, is it poison? It's not poison. >> The first word in the stuff-- >> Hey, hold up. >> Okay, okay, well let's-- >> Wait, what the
[crunching] is happening? [laughing] >> I almost got Brian to
drink saltwater yesterday, that was pretty good. >> JOHN: Do a Google search-- >> It's [crunching] lye, isn't it? >> Is this [crunching] poison for people? >> Oh yeah, there's a warning on here so we're going to have to, all right. This is what I was going to do
but maybe it's not a good idea. This petroleum jelly on your tongue. >> JOHN: The first word
of the thing's petroleum! >> Not eat it, not to ingest it. I don't want you to ingest it. I thought maybe it would work. >> The guy who invented Vaseline thought it was a cure for everything and he ate a spoonful
of it every single day. The guy who invented
Vaseline petroleum jelly. >> JASON: Okay, well cool. >> No. [laughing] >> It didn't work, he's dead. >> Oh well, oh. [Grant spitting] >> Oh, oh Christ! >> JOHN: What did you do? >> I ate one of each of the peppers. >> Sure. >> Is it digestible? >> JASON: Your call. >> You just made this [crunching] up? >> JASON: I thought it sounded reasonable. >> JOHN: Why? >> JASON: Kind of. >> I don't know which of those peppers has taken effect but ooh. Okay, I can feel stuff. >> I can't imagine this is
worse than the peanut butter though as a solution. >> That's just gross. >> I think you [mumbles]. [coughing] >> JOHN: Wait, why would you do that? Both of you. >> The reason I gave it to them? Because I knew he would eat it. >> BRIAN: God damn it! >> So I ate all those peppers. >> JOHN: Again, yeah. >> That's an eight. >> That's an eight? You at an eight right now? All right, we should
probably get you something. Here, you pick. >> Just tell me which of these are real and which of these are Jason Murphy. >> Give me some lemon. >> Oh, oh, the sugar's real. >> GRANT: Nine. >> Here nine, open your hand. Get this in his mouth stat! Jesus! >> Not like that. [laughing] >> BRIAN: Is it better? >> No. [laughing] >> He's got a return his costumes to whatever leprechaun
village he pillaged for that. [laughing] >> Okay, maybe this sugar
helped a little bit. >> Here. >> JOHN: You look like Scarface. >> Just go nuts, go nuts, go nuts. >> JOHN: Every time he
moves I hear sugar fall. >> Lemon. >> You want a lemon? >> Yeah. >> BRIAN: You think the lemon will help? >> Yeah. >> BRIAN: Wait, how would a lemon help? >> JOHN: Is there a knife? >> There was a knife around here somewhere.
>> Citrus. Like lime citrus like neutralizes a lot. >> How do you, yeah. [laughing] >> Goggles. >> I know our show. >> Are we going to have to reset the injury counter for this one? [laughing] Try that, try that. That's actually legitimately
supposed to work. So the petroleum jelly,
the Vaseline did not work? >> I'd tread real lightly if I were you. [laughing] >> I really like the way he said, "Really, that Vaseline didn't work?" [laughing] >> And I get to spit it out, right? >> No, you just eat that one. >> Nope. >> That one won't wreck you that bad. Just eat it. >> My butt hole is mine, mine, mine. My butt hole is mine, mine, mine. >> Well lucky for you we brought a bunch more remedies for that. Have you met olive oil? [laughing] Jason, I see you, I see you. >> All right, so right
now I'm coming down. I'm down to like a three,
maybe even a two and a half. I'm telling you I'm
with you, nothing works and I find myself intentionally waiting until the assault is not so strong before I even try any of these remedies because they're all garbage. Time is the best. >> Well some of it works a little bit and works maybe temporarily
while it's in your mouth but time is the only thing, it really is. >> You look like the saddest vampire. [laughing] >> I want blood but I'm eating bread. >> It just keeps getting hotter. My lips are on [crunching] fire now. >> Who knew, who would have thought? [laughing] >> JOHN: Your tears are so pretty. >> They're manly tears! All right, ready? >> No, I don't want to
experience this tomorrow. I'm going to be spitting mine out but I will chew until I feel
the heat coming on strong. >> Oh, I've experienced this later. It's just a spicy [crunching]. [laughing] You can do it. >> That's like Neil Armstrong saying like, it's no big deal, you just
walk on the [crunching] moon. Wouldn't worry about it. >> No, see like the other ones I didn't want them in my stomach because I don't want
those just sitting there-- >> JOHN: That's way worse. >> And wrecking shop all day. >> Yeah. >> But this, it's not going to-- >> It's not going to wreck shop, it'll just give you a
little tang in your butt. >> Yeah, you'll just whew! >> JOHN: You'll be fine. >> All right, here we go. I guess it's time. >> JOHN: Yeah. Mm, delicious. This is a little bit of slow burn also. >> It's sweet. >> JOHN: Yeah. >> It's really sweet. >> It's not a little bit of a slow burn. >> No, no, I mean the really
intense heat is the slow burn. >> Oh, the bad part. >> Yeah, the real bad part. >> Not going to swallow this. Don't want to feel it. >> JASON: Okay. >> But I'll keep chewing until
I feel the warmth come on. >> Dude, just spit it out, you
don't have to worry about it. >> This isn't what we talked about. >> It's on the roof of the mouth. [laughing] >> Oh what, I'm like what? >> You're going to be eating stuff not just spitting everything out. >> Yeah well, that's okay, that's okay. >> Okay, so right now, three. >> Yeah, you did it wrong. >> I'm a five or six, going to seven. >> BRIAN: It's creeping up, really? You swallowed it? >> I need to get my breathing in check. >> Here, have a little taste of that. This is what they're saying
isn't that big a deal. >> Well it's gross for
one and it does burn. >> Yeah, I'm not really feeling it yet. I mean I feel I'm sweating. >> That's exceptionally uncomfortable. >> Really? >> I do not like that at all. >> GRANT: Oh we're already, I guess we're just blown out. >> I kind of went to a-- >> This is bad. >> I'm hoping it's a plateau.
>> Oh, here it comes. [laughing] >> I gave you about a quarter
of what they just ate. >> Whew. >> Maybe we built up a bit of a tolerance. >> JOHN: Yeah, maybe. >> Okay, it's pretty bad. I'm not like miserable yet, but it's-- >> If you had four times the amount like these guys did you'd be miserable. >> Yeah, they built up
an immunity I think. >> So this is interesting,
we should talk about how pain is a subjective experience and I think for us earlier
on we crossed a threshold of like [clears throat] hold on. >> Man, why did I swallow though? I immediately regret that decision. >> I'm sweating a lot though. >> Yeah, no, no, it's really weird. I am experiencing a lot of sweat. >> I'm sweating because I'm fat. >> So yeah. It lingers. >> It is increasing. >> Yeah, this is, it's just
getting worse and worse. >> This is like that purple nurple that's looking to actually rip the nip. >> Oh. [laughing] >> It's really just keeping coming. >> So now you're feeling it? >> I've only had a little bit.
>> Give me a remedy. >> Oh remedy, what would you like? Would you like--
>> Honey. >> Honey, okay. It seems reasonable, right? >> I'd put it around
the peanut butter but... >> All right buddy.
>> Okay, all right. >> The Brian Brushwood
hot pepper measuring kit. You get one miniature Brian Brushwood, if within five minutes
the head starts leaking it's hot, don't eat it. >> You measure the Brushwood
scale in milliliters. >> Yes. >> You want a remedy Brian? >> Yes. A real one, real one. [laughing] >> Give him the honey. The honey is kind of like the sugar. It's okay. I wouldn't go that whole hog. >> Oh, that's actually very pleasant. >> I'll try out whatever else. >> JASON: You want some olive oil? >> Sure. >> So just like all the other remedies on efficacy I'd give this like a two. It's like the moment you taste it you're distracted from the pain but the moment it goes away
it's, nothing's changed. >> Stab it with a knife. >> I've never seen people so inept at using normal everyday things as I am every time I come here. It's so weird because
you guys build things. >> BRIAN: Is it good or
bad or does it do anything? >> Oh, it's super gross. >> BRIAN: Oh, yeah? >> Yeah, it's a mouthful of olive oil. >> JASON: Not helping? >> Oh it's just, no. >> Seriously considering
vomiting on purpose. [yelling] [laughing] >> Oh, you meant right here right now? >> I'm seriously considering vomiting. [laughing] Not on purpose. >> You know what I just noticed? When that happened you
guys both looked that way and I look down into the cup. >> GRANT: Man, you got all into it. >> Brain: Oh god. >> I heard that noise and I just thought, don't look Marion, don't look
into the Ark of the Covenant. >> Like when there's a
burning building, run away. >> Some people run away,
some people run in. >> Let the heroes run in. I looked directly into his vomit. >> You started salivating. >> You're a hero, I am a coward. >> Look out internet, I'm a hero. >> No question. So thank you The Beerists. [laughing] You can find them talking
about beer and not peppers on? >> TheBeerists.com or our YouTube channel
youtube.com/TheBeerists >> And you have a Patreon? >> We do, patreon.com/TheBeerists. Subscribe to our podcast,
The Beerists Podcast on your favorite podcast app. >> GRANT: My hands were
shaking and convulsing and I felt needles all over my fingers. >> JOHN: Oh my god. >> GRANT: I couldn't handle any of this. I was hyperventilating breathing and I kick off my pants. I'm like I can't have these underwear on, I can't have the pants on,
can't have my shoes on, kick it all off and I'm just in a shirt that's like only covering up the top of me and I'm on these guys bathroom floor flopping back and forth like a fish. >> Thank you so much gentlemen. You are champions. >> Well, thanks for having us. This was just great. [laughing] >> As a token nod to our experiment legit just a cold drink,
that's all that matters. is the physical sensation
of cold and distraction. >> We should have this
one, this one's great. >> I believe you. [laughing] >> It was like this far
away ghost in the fog. I believe you. [laughing] >> That was the sound of Brian's
essence leaving his body. It's that moment where Homer's brain says, "You can stay but I'm leaving." [laughing] You know what my favorite thing
about themodernrogue.com is? >> What's that? >> It's not the daily articles. It's not the fact that
we have top-tier writers, it's not the fact that John
Cheese continues to slay it as editor-in-chief. It's the fact that we look so legit and it cost us so little money. Because they have distributed hosting, they can handle accelerated growth but also there have been
times that troubles popped up and because they have 24/7 365 support, he got a real human to solve
problems as they happen and all of a sudden we
are on the global stage with daily articles from
some of the top-notch writers in the industry and we're able to compete. >> We didn't have to spend $250,000 for someone to design
a website from scratch. >> And then decide that it doesn't work. >> All of the tools are right there and they're just really easy to use. >> I'm definitely digging
all the real-time analytics that are possible through the
web app and all that stuff. It's good to send a tweet saying, "Hey, this is a great article" and be able to see boom,
the spike in traffic that comes as a direct result.
>> Watch it right away. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> Yeah you are really,
really into those tools and it gives you really
everything you need and you can do it on your phone. >> Yeah, yeah, I can. I can do anything. [laughing] Now that we have all the content, we have all these modules out there, at some point in the future
we're going to be able to reskin, reorganize the entire experience and it'll all be super
simple thanks to Squarespace. >> You can do it on the
fly with just a few clicks, you don't even have to
write a single line of code. >> But don't take our word for it, head on over to Squarespace.com/rogue, that's R-O-G-U-E and
then you get a free trial and then when you do sign
up because of course, you're going to sign up because
it's the best easiest platform for artists to get their
word out beautifully to the rest of the world, you'll get 10% off and
you'll make us look good. Just spell rogue right. >> R-O-G-U-E. >> Yeah, there's an OG in rogue and the OG stands for old guys. >> I didn't know that. >> That's our new message. That's how you remember
how to spell rogue. >> JASON: You're heroes, you're champions. I'm so proud of you right now. Except for Brian and that Diet Coke. That's okay. You skewed the results of the science, you hate science. >> Why do hate science so much? >> JASON: He's looking at me like, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you with my bare hands. >> This is not the best time. [laughing] For this dynamic.
