Surrogate babies born via their grandmother and aunt | Australian Story

foreign [Music] it's really quite hard to know how to introduce tonight's story other than to just say wow the loving some families is incredible Michelle and jono Harley always wanted to have kids but like a lot of people they had fertility issues that caused them a lot of sadness and Trauma Michelle couldn't carry a baby to turn and that is where her 52 year old mum and her sister-in-law stepped in [Music] mother she's a school teacher she loves kids yeah you're still looking like each other jono and I have been trying for close to four years now to start a family keep your hand on your belly that was lovely I know it feels so unnatural but I'd always wanted to be a father there was there was no question of doubt that was that was what I always wanted to do but this was this is a whole different ball game it's not like you decide to have infertility issues and so there's not much you can do about that it's not a choice infertility sucks it is just all consuming it's all you think about it is all you want you will do anything in order to become pregnant and have a child but there's not just one way to create a family I was wondered why women held their belly in the photos I thought she's not going anywhere oh I certainly didn't expect that at 52 I'd be carrying my grandchild that's cute I think the children will know from a very young age that this is their story and how they came to be safe is still quite high up whereas I'll drop down you've got a way to go so my husband Michael and I explained it to our children from day one we explained that a doctor was going to put a baby that was jono and Michelle's baby into mommy's tummy okay there's been how is your sister pregnant with your baby how does that work oh just looking down at the bumps for me guys mama and Sophie refer to themselves as the oven or the incubator they see themselves completely as a grandmother and an auntie I'm so excited I've had time to people watching on the outside it would be a bit uh strange but it's our story [Music] I was born in Wollongong and I've lived here my whole life I had a pretty normal upbringing my parents didn't have much they got married really young I first met jono in year 12 at high school no Sparks No Love at First Sight no nothing and we became quite good friends over probably a six month period and then we went in our separate ways we both went to different universities and then um he moved back to Wollongong and I ran into him and I was like oh you got attractive and then it all sort of snowballed from there quite quickly she's a very genuine person got a big heart and she's just got a lot of time for people we dated for gosh it was probably only about two years before I asked Michelle to move in with me um and then we were engaged within a couple of months of that and married within six months for the very first time Mr and Mrs Harley Michelle's Macedonian so um we had the big ethnic wedding there was about I think it was about 180 people there and probably only 25 of the people were my invites when did I realize fertility beer Challenge from the day I got my period with the amount of pain that I was in I always thought that I might have trouble falling pregnant to the point where as like a 18 19 year old I had my IVF fund all my money that I'd saved away oh boy all the Nicola just so randomly do you want to come with me yeah let's go in the Consulting room because I have had that many scans of the rife man told us that Michelle had a unicorn uterus so only half of her uterus had forms and just to give a comparison that's a picture of a normal uterus with the two of a reason the two fallopian tubem but in your case that's how tiny the uterus is it's really microscopy I call it a unicorn uterus sometimes because we're uh quite rare people having a unicorn rate uterusalem can carry a pregnancy up to term but all those studies show that there is an increased risk of obstetrical complication like preterm delivery Michelle had made it clear to me um early on in our relationship that she might have difficulties falling pregnant and I just said to her I said that's that's not a worry that's I'm sure we'll we'll sort something out but I always had a sense that this wasn't going to be an easy Journey we'd started trying to conceive I think almost after we got engaged we just knew that it was going to be tricky obviously Michelle's IVF fund that she'd sort of squirreled away was a bit of a godsend [Music] we started IVF in 2020 we implanted one of those embryos and that didn't stick we did another um round of egg collection and that time we got so many more eggs and then the first one that we put in stuck and I remember getting a phone call from Michelle saying that she was pregnant was I overly excited no I just went oh okay like it's worked it's worked and I think that was because I knew that there was a long road ahead Michelle was quite guarded through the whole process I mean she'd sort of say why why are you looking at baby names don't don't sort of get your hopes up almost Michelle would go to sleep and I'd whip out the phone on the other side of the bed and it'd be there sort of writing down baby names in secrecy [Music] and then one night at seven weeks I stood up and I hemorrhaged and I lost I think about 700 mils of blood and then the ambulance came took me to an emergency and the next morning I got an ultrasound and the sonographer said oh um there's the heartbeat I was like excuse me I was bleeding so much how was that not a miscarriage 24 weeks was my goal because at 24 weeks that's when doctors say that pregnancy is a viable and we can start saving this baby um but at 18 weeks my water broke they're on their way to the hospital and um I just I was tearing up at the time and and trying to think maybe she could get to 22 weeks and and then maybe there'd be more chance more hope had another ultrasound the baby still had a heartbeat but not for much longer my infection levels were rising and the baby was getting sick and so we had to say goodbye [Music] there were probably five other birthing Suites there or with women screaming giving birth babies crying and we're just stuck down the end about to give birth to a baby that won't make it um yeah it was it was horrible [Music] when the baby was born he was a fully formed human and he was just tiny we called him Ralph he had already passed away passed away on the way out so we didn't really get to meet him I suppose um and I remember when the doctor told me that he was a boy I just I just cried so much I I always wanted to have a son I was wailing I just felt like my body had failed my child and that I couldn't keep it safe for long enough the doctor said to us okay we need to push out the placenta now and that's where everything just got so much worse there was just an enormous gash of blood flow walls it was like something in a movie it was horrible and I remember at that moment just thinking oh my God I'm gonna lose her Michelle had hemorrhaged so poor jono was there with Ralph and his wife's been taken off into surgery so just yeah it was just absolutely heartbreaking so I'm standing in a room on a rainy day holding my dead son just looking out the window because I didn't want to turn around and see all of the blood and I remember thinking oh what if Michelle doesn't make it what what do I do I've got nothing we were worried that we'd lose Michelle she wouldn't make it he was quite Touch and Go yeah it was the best part of an hour before they came back and told me that she was okay and that they'd managed to stabilize her [Music] we were able to spend a few days with Ralph and we were able to pick him up and hold him and be with him [Music] saying goodbye to Ralph was so sad knowing that I wasn't going to be able to hold him again or look at him again or feel him again yeah it was yeah it sucked no parent should have to say goodbye to a kid part of the day Ralph was born very sad time Michelle nearly lost her life trying to have a baby and the doctors then said that you know they can't try again she's at too great a risk my sister just said no I'm not allowing Michelle to fall pregnant again I will be a surrogate for you and the same thing happened with Michelle's mom I guess that's the only way that you know you can have a family never at any point did they say will you do this for us we offered it to them without being asked yeah for Jazzy and I it was this is this is how we're going to help this is how we can help this is how they can have a family that they want it's more popular overseas I suppose in America I think you can just go and pay someone to carry a baby for you commercial surrogacy isn't an option in Australia it's not legal so you can't go out and pay someone to be a surrogate so it's got to be someone that offers I still can't believe that we have two people that are willing to do this there are a lot of people who do not find the surrogate so the fact that they came up and went with one but with two was totally you know you know something that was completely unexpected wow can we do this we're definitely not doing this for money that we're doing it for love we were mourning the loss of our son but we had hope my sister had three kids of Iran and Michelle's mum had two kids of her own so they had a pretty good track record [Music] as a 52 year old woman my mum was quite close to doctors saying no she's too old and so we had to rush through this whole process in order for her to be considered a viable surrogate the the surrogate is going to expose herself towards sorts of potential medical problems related to the pregnancy so for example pregnant women after the age of 38 or 40 have a higher risk of gestational diabetes hypertension [Music] thank you the doctors were very cautious Dr reifman said look I need to make sure that you're going to be okay and you're not going to be put at risk so we had to go and get lots of tests and then we had to have psychological counseling I honestly didn't think I'd be doing this at my age but you know I'm so grateful that I can the counseling sessions were a lot of questions on how we would feel knowing that we are trusting someone else to grow our child um how mum and how Sophie would feel giving up a child I've never felt maternal to this child it's not my embryo it's not my DNA they asked how would I feel about attachment to this child afterwards and it's not like I have to give it up and never say it again I'll always be it's Grandma it's just they need an oven and I have to cook it so so our embryos were made from my eggs and jono sperm and so mama and Sophie are just carrying and growing babies that are genetically out standing and I think the more people find out about it the more it's going to become more common it's not just the Kardashians that are able to do this in terms of timing why we have two surrogates pregnant at the same time is purely based on their own wants so my mum wanted to be pregnant sooner or other than later because of her age and Sophie wanted to get this pregnancy done so she could then focus on her career I'm not nervous I'm very much looking forward to it we were never expecting Michelle's mum to fall pregnant straight away she ended up falling pregnant on the first go and then seven weeks later Sophie felt pregnant on the first go we have a girl's name Billings that go along with this surrogacy journey number one it is so weird watching your mum be pregnant Michelle has always wanted to be pregnant give birth have a baby do it all herself so going through the surrogacy process the hardest thing emotionally for her was not carrying her own children it's taken its toll on her emotionally not to be able to you know feel the first kick or the movement she has missed out a lot we would go to Michelle's parents house every Sunday for family dinner and there would be tears in the car on the way home the feelings that I'm feeling is 99 gratitude and then one percent jealousy I am quite jealous but also what's my other option and so it is what it is I've managed to get gestational diabetes babies with his pregnancy and I've got a sweet diet I have to uh follow I've got to have a snack in the afternoon it's been 28 years since I was pregnant last surprisingly it's not as hard as I thought it would be apart from a bit of morning sickness in the beginning and I've got gestational diabetes which has been a bit of a science experiment trying to manage your levels and your sugar levels I've got to really watch what I eat and the types of sugars I have I feel guilty that I'm doing this to their bodies I feel guilty that their bodies are changing I've got to do this four times a day I feel like I'm making them do this see if we get a good number today the diabetes has always played a part in my mind I'm thinking you know am I hurting the grandchild have I eaten the wrong thing that's a good reading it's like babysitting um your grandchild for nine months you don't want to give it back with you know it's it's got a lump on its head or you it's it's Fallen you know on your watch I will be eternally in debt to her just like who does that for someone it's just such a lovely thing to do Jasmina didn't even tell her close friends until she was 20 weeks pregnant um she invited everyone over for dinner one night and took all the jackets off and stood up and said I'm pregnant with no other context and then everyone's looked at Michelle's dad and he goes it's not mine I do get some funny looks I went into a Nancy natal appointment with my son-in-law and we must have looked aside with a youngish man and this old lady and they're sitting there waiting for their appointment and can you turn the oven for another monster 200 please being pregnant the fourth time was definitely physically challenging especially with the demands of the three children working full time I hadn't even discussed it with Michael I think I turned to him and said oh I'm gonna be a surrogate for jono and Michelle and he was like ah okay add salad leaves to the dressing that's why I remember pulling myself up a few times thinking I need to talk to this baby Michelle and John weren't here to talk to the baby I need to talk to the baby and I think I did disconnect myself a bit from the emotional side of it um during the pregnancy I suppose just my way of coping ready for baby day I sure am it's finally come you can't believe it we got there the doctor said that the safest option for me is a cesarean and I wholeheartedly agree with that all right let's go let's do this I'm so excited for them to be here but I am also so scared that something will happen I think I'll be overjoyed to finally see my daughter become the mother that she's always wanted to be so happy for them both they finally become parents after such a difficult and long road to get there [Music] very intense it was very emotional I mean all we wanted was a baby that was alive to be honest [Music] when Hugo was born I was so excited and I immediately felt like he was like my son you're so cute but I also was in so much disbelief that I couldn't let myself feel such strong emotions towards him it took a little while for it to sink in that oh this is this is real now I don't need to be scared anymore yeah I can't believe it I still can't believe it you were looking at him it's like wow I'm so happy you're so cute we're gonna have so much fun I will never forget that feeling after all that we had been through we were very happy proud parents this feels so surreal [Music] look at your eyes yeah I was just so excited it was just we'd finally gotten there it was four four and a half years in the making and we'd sort of gotten to almost the end of the journey I suppose ready to change your nappy come on we brought Hugo home and because we were so guarded we hadn't been to any classes we had no idea what we were doing well um in the hospital The Midwives were shocked at how little I knew about um caring for a child I think because we had experienced um child loss in the past I didn't want to get myself excited I just remember being up for quite a few hours just in bed just holding him going gosh like what do I do with this baby how do I console him stop him from crying Hugo is great he sleeps really well he eats really well when one of us wants to eat or have a shower the other one will take him and it's manageable but when we have two I feel like it's going to be a bit more difficult tomorrow will be 38 weeks but the doctors want to induce me early just to make sure that everything is fine Lee right now when we went into the hospital it was the most nervous I'd ever been being induced was never something I wanted to do my birth plan I suppose had gone out the door and so if you've never had an epidural before but we just said to her we said so you're not going to win a medal for this one it's not even your baby that you're pushing out just have the epidurals and she goes I think [Music] Sophie was pushing and then the Midwife said to me oh do you want to pull the baby out oh my God and I had never even thought about that as being an option oh my God it was a very surreal experience being in a room with your sister while she's giving birth to your baby and then passing the baby to his mum Michelle who's not in the bed [Music] because of the success birth I was able to be a lot more emotionally present for Spencer's birth which was really nice and jono came around to cut the umbilical cord and he's taken a few steps forward doesn't want to see things so I sort of do this awkward Shuffle and back in and then sort of cut the cord over here and by that stage Sophie's there just yelling at me saying I don't care we've come this far doesn't matter [Music] to walk out of the hospital having given birth and go home without a baby well that was probably the uh the weirdest sensation they'll always be that special bond between the two of us and I think I'll I'll always feel bad when I miss a milestone but that's also part of life I'm I'm not his mum I'm his auntie um but yes very much a doting auntie mom there we go having one baby was good two babies one baby was easy having two babies different story Hugo was born in 2022 in December and Spence was born in 2023 in in January they're not twins they'll probably end up in the same year at school so I'm sure we'll always get the questions so this is Hugo J and the J is for Jasmina after my mum who carried him and Spencer is Spencer Louis and that's after Sophie because Sophie's middle name is Louise I'm never going to keep this story from my babies I've already planned on printing photos of Sophie and my mum pregnant with them in their rooms and I'll always say that's you in there and so it won't ever be a moment where you reveal a story to them they'll always just know because someone is four months old aren't you I think it's important to talk about this and talk about not only the good that's come from the story but the loss that we had as well I think we owe that to Ralph and just let people know that yeah these things happen to people there's no point just sweeping that under the rug or just not talking about it you're right with it mum yeah phone so much fun and we can always hand them back at the end of the day that's exactly right we can they've brought so much joy into our lives there's tears there's screams there's we everywhere there's all the uh all of the messy sides of babies as well but um we're just over over the moon the Cesarean um it took me a few weeks to get better but it was so worth it look what we've got now we've got a little Hugo here 100 without a doubt I'd do it again my recovery has been really good yeah it's been uh quite easy when you don't actually have a newborn to look after so we put them down at seven and they woke up at five but then which fell off sleep again until seven a.m how how many how did two babies look really good parents hey it's amazing to watch jono and Michelle be parents to two beautiful boys and we've all been there for that entire roller coaster ride um and just to have it end in happiness is all that anyone could ever want over here I kind of feel like why me what have I done to deserve such lovely people in my life that are willing to do this for me without them we wouldn't have a family so is there an emotion big enough to explain how you feel how thankful you feel for people like that I just yeah [Music]

Channel: ABC News In-depth

Views: 81,459

Keywords: abc news, australian news, abc news indepth, documentaries, long-form journalism, Australian Story, surrogacy, surrogate, good news, australia, mother, child, fertility, infertility, miscarriage, still born, baby, children, family, pregnant, pregnancy, reproduction, reproductive system, endometriosis, women’s health, women, woman, mum, boy mum, mother’s day, gestational surrogacy, surrogacy in australia, embryo, birth, birth plan, surrogacy birth, surrogate brothers, son, baby boy

Id: Gzwo4amlBPc

Length: 29min 21sec (1761 seconds)

Published: Mon May 15 2023