Streamer With Tourette's On The Dark Side Of Online Fame | Extraordinary Lives Podcast | @LADbible

everyone always asked me to do this one on stream um [Music] amazing [Applause] what's up is that Kill Bill is it that yeah yeah where she's walking down the corridor the Twisted nerves [Music] thank you okay so obviously uh Anita we've met before but for any new viewers or listeners would you mind describing who you are I'm sweet Anita and I'm kind of an online something I don't exactly know how else to describe it I make content content creator let's go with content creator yes on YouTube and twitch primarily mainly live stream content and I aim to accidentally teach people stuff by passively making them laugh I think that's my Approach so the first thing I wanted to ask you before we sort of get into the story of your career is I've never interviewed someone with Tourette's before and I don't really know what the etiquette is for ticks is it polite to just ignore them or to reference them or you know what what is the educate me a bit on that it depends on the person sure so like there is no etiquette for Tourette's there's only etiquette for the person because everyone's condition affects them differently like you might meet someone and not even know they have Tourette's because they only have one or two mild ticks that are very quiet and then you might see them meet someone who has like constant explosive episodes of tits and you know people have different tolerances of like what they can handle and I know some people with Tourette's who are really really sensitive to laughter and just don't like to be laughed at because they're you know it takes can be painful and you're really challenging to navigate them and I really don't care for me personally like I grew up being punished for my tics because I wasn't diagnosed as a kid so everyone just thought I was misbehaving so if I know that people find it funny or that they don't care then I know that they're not mad at me so if anything left is reassuring compared to how people used to react to me and so I don't mind if people laugh I don't mind if people want to ignore it um I don't mind if people want to joke about it like I have friends I have a tick where I'll go fingers in you and most people are just like kind of taken aback but my friends will go yeah sure and I've got 10 and I'll start haggling and they know that if they agree with it and go hmm yeah maybe a bit more like I'll keep on ticking so and people walking by give us looks every time and they don't care so I have interactions like that with my friends because they kind of know the boundary and you you know I kind of feel like for me I'm not fussed how people react so long as they're comfortable and know that I don't mean it and I'm not really gonna try and fist them and did you mean it when you said Andy had a nice ass absolutely great and was The Tourette's present from birth or did it suddenly ramp up and start to become more visible at some point this really interests me because obviously I can't know for sure most of us don't remember birth um and uh sure you don't know any words when you're you're a baby so like it's not going to be easy to know the difference between a twitch and just a baby wig um it's not like I shot out of the womb and was just like [ __ ] off to like everyone in the delivery room so uh how can you really tell a lot of people say that they suddenly had like a tick that came on somewhere around eight nine ten that's quite a common age for Tourette's to start although it can start in adulthood it can stop because medication it can start because of um trauma or head injuries um and the thing with this is is my mom said my first word was Michael's shoesmacker wow okay and she like that really confused my mom and dad because they were hoping for a mum or dad they were competing over that um and once I said it once I would not stop and then for many years after I developed a vocabulary I was still saying it out there Michael shoesmacker Yes um and that when I when I talked about this I bought my mom on my stream and asked her about this and um all of the Formula One fans love me now um but the thing with that was is I don't know if I had my first word was a tick yeah or if I had Tourette's since birth or that I had a later onset and that was just like my first word I don't know for sure but it seems like my first word was a tick and yeah um I mean it's an impressive first word yes exactly I thought it was like cat or something and Michael Schumacher yeah I wonder if I was particularly just a quiet and observant child um other than the ticks and perhaps I had the capacity to speak before or understand words before I spoke because I was quite quiet and non-talkative for a lot of my childhood recently looked at my medical records and um as far back as you go intermittently it says neglect bad parenting quiet um kind of flat um emotionally flat like I'm I'm very different to how I was in my childhood and teens um so I wonder if the reason why I had such a complex first word was because I knew like words and things I just wasn't trying right that's interesting that's interesting and when you when you're saying that your childhood was never stable so to speak did you ever start going to school consistently or were you kind of in and out of school in and out so I would try for like maybe a year of tops and then drop for a long period of time mostly home educated and weirdly I was I was teaching myself my mom would just go here's all my University books and the pushing about 10 year old and just being like good luck teach me something later and then she'd give me like books with lines in to write and just her like geology books and science books and things like that and I'd go through them I'd read them write notes down and research them and you know my mom had loads of loads of books at that point because she was studying so and then at the end of the day she'd be like what did you find out and I'll go well and and like even though that seems really lazy it was great because I was learning how to teach myself to take an interest and take notes I was tailoring my learning to a way that I can retain it personally which works so much better than school because I have ADHD right like most people Tourette's have lots of other diagnosis and um so I was doing ADH free ADHD friendly learning without realizing and um when you re-explain something to someone you change the way that your brain has stored the information oh so and so it's easier to remember and learn things if you then pass on that knowledge and teach someone else so unconsciously she was teaching me in the best possible way and I became very advanced in these particular topics I have like when I go to schools I have Stacks and stacks of like awards for like maths science English or you know all these sorts of things I did instantly well even though I wasn't following the curriculum at all so you kind of naturally academic though in that sense yeah I mean it's kind of lucky that I didn't go into the Sciences because I wanted to but when I was 10 I wanted to get men pregnant and bioengineer mind controlling parasite that would make people more peaceful so I probably am glad that yes I'm also glad you didn't Sciences who knows what would have happened um okay I mean good Ambitions though uh so so what were you like as a child at that point like did you have a friendship group or a couple of close friends or any friends no I liked animals animals don't care if you call them a [ __ ] so um I had I was always taking in animals you were talking in the description there of kind of how you dealt with in your younger life how you dealt with the ticks you mentioned college and university so you'd sort of manage to stay in education is that right you'd sort of gone to high school then to college and then to University I kind of skipped High School I I think I went to like a few months here and there across a few middle schools and primary schools nothing really much to speak of a year at a high school-ish thing and then after that uh I think like three or four years of isolation and then suddenly college and that was a lot because I was agrophobic and I was just like [ __ ] it I don't want to live just staring at the same four walls I'm gonna try and I was just like having panic attacks and coming home crying just like Ugh after like being there for like five minutes and I just kept going and being like I lasted 10 minutes today I lasted like an hour and I just like kind of forced my way back into the world and it was horrible because like I chose um I chose games design which was a mistake because games design is full of horny maladapted boys and it didn't change like games designers like had so many scandals those those boys grew up that I was studying with and it just still just as messed up and then so I left that and went into animation which was 40 boys and me but they were nice boys right so uh gained all the same skills just with fewer dicks to bat away and um yeah that was that was great I mean I got in by virtue of just going I have this folder full of drawings will you take me because uh I've heard there's this thing called a student loan and I'm hungry that was just kind of like the mentality I would have gone into science I was really passionate about science but I didn't have any gcses or a levels or anything to show that I had any capacity oh wow so instead of those you were accepted on the course by your folder of of drawings pictures drawings wow basically and um they were like normally we wouldn't do this but um unfortunately my on my course a lot of the people who wanted to be animators didn't have very many drawing skills and things and he was like in order to get the funding for this course I need to be able to show off like what's happening in this course because it's relatively new so having people drawing skills really helped me to sell the course so if you take your A Levels alongside the course we'll arrange all of that for you just make sure you pass them and then I got my student loans and that was how I managed to get food and stuff because I just couldn't get employed like I would try to get jobs but like I throw things if I hold them for too long as a tick and you know I'm constantly insulting people and stuff there's just no way you could like if I tried to stack shelves someone's gonna get knocked out right so yes and I suppose at that point in your life as well you don't have a diagnosis to be able to say I've got this by the way in case this happens so you you were aware that if you went and started stacking shelves you'd end up throwing whatever you were holding so so the three or four years that you said that were in isolation they were directly after school is that right yeah I had a bad incident at the last school and was like [ __ ] it there's no point trying to get an education if you're not going to survive the education part do you want me asking what the incident was or is it yeah it's fine I am there were I used to get myself in trouble a lot with other students um and I would do things like there were kids who would just try to start rumors and things like this and they'd say I've heard you take drugs and I'd be like yep drugs and they'd be see she's admitting it admitting it because like the tick would say the most inappropriate thing at the time or the thing that would get me the most in trouble at the time and unfortunately that meant that yeah I used to get in accidental conflicts a lot and um I had other trouble as well I used to beat up a lot of boys um because I had I was an early Bloomer which was another problem not only did I have like a condition which makes me shout random words at people I also had massive tits I was like a double D at 10 I'm not even exaggerating okay so this is a problem at school and so I had a three warning system the first is a don't touch me and if they kept on doing it I'd be like I'm gonna have to hurt you and if they kept on doing it I was like okay what is about to happen is your fault and like I broke one kid's arm another kid's arm and a leg I got up on a table and kicked another kid in the face and these sorts of things things like I mean these all sound reasonable yeah they're after three warnings yeah through warning system and uh because I read a lot of philosophy books and had a strong sense of Ethics okay um but just going back to I suppose the uh the linear nature of your life so you were now at um you know at University you've managed to find a course which you like the uh game scissors no the game design was a bad one the animation one yeah and how was that going well I um didn't do any animating after I left um I actually uh was in an abusive relationship towards the end of my university studies so I was studying for a higher degree but didn't finish that I got my degree but at my higher degree um ended up having to uproot my life and move in order to escape him because he'd already tried to kill me once and he was he'd killed my cat and he'd wow which this lot's just happened the last 20 seconds so you were you were sorry I don't mean to laugh obviously yourself but it's just kind of like um so you so University was going okay but you got into a abusive relationship with obviously if there's anything that you don't want to talk about that's too private that's please let me know but you got into an abusive relationship with somebody who was a fellow student or somebody that was older than you or as a fellow student a fellow student and um they tried to kill you already yeah so I think it was in my it goes like 20ish maybe um and yeah he he I was with him for a very long time but he suddenly flipped like he was such a gentle person um and he was kind of nerdy and quiet and he was the kind of person who dunk his coat in a river just to help fish a bug out he was the kind of person he was very like no one would think he would her fly and I think I I got a sense of security from that because after everything I went through in my childhood I was really looking for someone gentle yeah and um after a few years he just flipped and he went from somebody who was very safe to someone who's very dangerous and I don't know it's hard because It All Happened around the time that my mom so we moved into a place our landlord died and the ownership of the house was like being debated by his children and we were going to be have to look for any place and we'd taken on loads of rescue animals that we couldn't take with us because nowhere would let us bring pets um so we were kind of stuck and I was like I don't want to end up on the streets again um my mom's really vulnerable and these animals are just gonna have to go to a shelter and all the local shelters are kill shelters um so my ex was like because I just recently broke up with him and he was like um is this is he exhibiting dangerous behaviors at the moment after he broke up with him or not yet not yet no like it and then came back and he was like I know what's happening to you I've got an inheritance I could buy the house I can save you and I was like okay and he's like I need a place to live if I can live downstairs um then you know I can get all this worked out I just want to help you and I was like okay and he lived in the flat underneath us it was a house broken up into two and um he because my mom was so grateful she was like you know the door's always open if you want a cup of tea if you want to hang out all this sort of stuff and so we'd come up into our flat and he would you know just hang out and he just got more and more aggressive more and more disrespectful and he just began to pressure me and he was horrible um and he was like what are you going to do about it your life's ruined like you're homeless without me sort of thing and oh my God the thing is I can't tell because his family had like sudden onset mental health problems like a lot of his family were like fine and normal and then one day a switch flicked and they'd have a mental breakdown and they'd have to be institutionalized seem to run in the family and I don't know whether it was that or that he's like a lot of domestic abusers where they slowly build into the violence after taking away your support network after making sure that you're financially Reliant after making sure that you know nobody believes you after making you look crazy to your friends and these sorts of things because a lot of people don't know this about domestic violence but it's not that people just love being abused that's a stereotype about women oh they're like a bad boy they always skim over the nice guys and go for someone who treats them like [ __ ] and it's not true it's that all the people that do these terrible things lie so that every person looks like a decent person until they get the opportunity to hurt you and get away with it and so a lot of them build into it they start picking fights with your family so you've got no support network they start you know make ice you know isolating you from your friends they start controlling your food and making you hungry and tired arguing with you long into the night until you've just lost all sense of time and space and so you're confused and tired and weak and it's then that they'll hit you and then they'll say that you imagined it or that you deserved it or just lighting gaslighting and so they build into the violence and people don't see that they just see their friend who you know just get this douche bag and you can see it from the outside really easily and you just don't see how they make it invisible from the inside at all okay and then so and he killed your cat as well he did um but how I still don't know I just know that um he used to come in for a specific window we'd always leave it open for the cat then one day he stopped coming home and at this exact same day and he started closing the window and I'd open it again so he already knew the cat wasn't coming back and then one day I went down um after he like I moved out in a hurry I used a domestic violence um organization to get away right um and in that situation I had to quickly go down and remove a couple of pieces of furniture he'd take in from me um and he I pulled the furniture back and there was just fur and blood all up the wall um and it was all his Ginger fur and I was like ah okay oh my God so and the thing is like the police are just use this I I tried at the police there's just uh so wow okay and how old are you at this point I was in my early 20s early 20s okay but yeah I moved on from that got a new partner who wasn't that great he wasn't abusive but he was not great he stole eight grand for me cheated on me definitely not great I would say is um accurate yeah and uh so that that was not great either but I ended up starting a business and selling things online and became completely self-efficient because um like self-sufficient because I I [ __ ] cats I basically was no one was stupid enough to employ me so I just had to employ myself and what were you selling so I started off with sea glass um which is kind of these Pebbles made of glass you know when you throw trash out um if any glass ends up in the sea it'll get eroded like oh yes I know what you mean like soft it's kind of opaque yeah yeah and it ends up frosted on the side yes and some of them are like hundreds of years old and like some of them make you know people make jewelry out of them but they can also be worth quite a lot of money and uh I yeah I sold that first because it was free and I didn't know I could sell it I just liked finding it it was very therapeutic I was going through a processing stage where I was going down to the beach just to get away from looking after my mom and just to have some time with my own thoughts because obviously A lot's happened in my life and I just needed some processing time so I'd just pick it up just because it was fun and then I found out that other people online were picking it up and that they were trading it selling it so I set up a little online shop but I sold sea glass and then I saved up the money and bought craft supplies that I knew were hard to get for my animation degree and then I sold those and I turned over the money and turned it over again and eventually I rented a couple of offices and I filled them with dick I filled them with cat I filled them with like stock and then [ __ ] off I started selling it from there which was fun because it was a stock the sea glass or the animation supplies so the craft supplies at this point both both at one point and slowly just shifted just to craft supplies right um and then I was in this big office building with two offices adjacent to each other one for stock one for posting and stuff and people would walk by to their offices and they'd never meet me but they'd hear me um so I always wonder what they were theorizing my job was right packaging things off all the time yeah but just hearing me like shout I [ __ ] cats and stuff you know I do wonder what they thought it was doing um and the postman would always warn each other about me which was really amazing so uh basically I received a lot of parcels because I had I had a lot of stuff to sell and I'd order it in so they'd drop off the parcels and I have a problem with like smacking things out of people's hands right and I also have a spanking tick so like like there was at least a couple of post posties who I'd smack it other hands they'd turn around to pick it up I'd spank them and then and I'd be like I am so sorry um and they'd be like it's okay it's okay and they just tell each other like you should be careful I wonder what they were saying though I don't know but like one time I one knocked on the door and I was like nice [ __ ] and he was like oh I was told about you um reputation preceded you there yeah um so that was fun I I quite enjoyed my uh posty conversations and things um and then I started playing OverWatch um my ex-boyfriend the bad one um but not so bad this new boyfriend he um he got me into OverWatch and I kept the OverWatch and dumped the boyfriend I was like this is fun but you're not and uh I was on OverWatch that I found twitch because a streamer found me so um I was doing twitch as a like a mild Hobby and it wasn't even I didn't even know people could make a living off it I was literally just streaming my game so people could see when there was an opening and join me and then that was all it was for it wasn't it was just a social thing for me um and so at this point you're essentially you've become just a self-sufficient person that's doing your um sales work and basically doesn't need to talk anyone except Postman who you spank right that's basically your your interactions um but just for people who are listening or watching that might not be fully aware can you just explain firstly what OverWatch is and secondly what twitch is I know that seems like an obvious thing but you know we have a very big audience varied ages Yeah Yeah so basically uh OverWatch is an online game you can it's like a first person shooter um you are in a team of five or six and then you fight each other and you can have you can communicate with your team um so I had a headset on I'd have a mic and I'd hold down the button to talk and then lift it and you couldn't hear me again ah okay and that meant people met me before my condition which was great because the people that did like me who knew that I had my condition were annoying they were like um so at this point in my life I was I pretty sure I had Tourette's I had a very strong suspicion I'd actually started going to the hospital and asking for tests and things um so I said it was suspected Tourette's and so I'd preface it with that I was like I have what might be Tourette's I'm sorry if I say anything weird I don't mean it and so then I'd be like oh my God I love Tourette's and stuff like things like big brother and stuff like oh can I show you to my friends they would love that and oh would you spank my friend and I was just like oh and I hated it so I ended up um like the way I coped with it was I'd make online friends on this game and they wouldn't know I had Tourette's because we pushed to talk I could just lift up my finger and I'm muted that's so interesting because one of the things that I was going to say was I thought OverWatch was an interesting choice of game for you because of the fact that you've got the team play so you'd be talking over the choice of a game where you didn't have to communicate in that way yeah but it makes complete sense because you had you could control when they could hear you speaking or making sounds or anything like that and it made it really appealing because people were meeting me before my condition and they were liking me for who I am because when I first started saying it might be Tourette's I got a lot of acceptance um they're like oh I understand what's going on now but then they were like over romanticizing it weird so this gave me an Avenue to navigate my condition and have friends and I was very talkative and it taught me so many important social skills like if anyone's listening who's really lonely and doesn't know how to connect with people online gaming is such a great way because you have so many throwaway interactions so if you [ __ ] it up there are no consequences and a lot of people use that to be abusive but it's really great for practice of learning how to make conversation make small that's interesting ease people in and so I feel like that's when I started being like less socially inept was there and I suppose what you got from the push to talk thing is what most other people have which is a control over what they say right so did that feel like a completely new way of interacting with people or was it kind of like this is what I've always wanted to be able to do yeah absolutely it was great I mean a lot of my friends there I so I made a bunch of friends that became my mods when I started twitch um and they didn't know I had Tourette's back then um they thought I was a voice actor for one of the characters because I ended up having a tick and I could replicate a voice which one it was Tracer oh okay so Teresa's like meant to be this British girl yeah she has like one of those forced Mary Poppins on crack kind of accents that like the Americans think we have yeah even though we don't and so it annoyed me and that made it a tick and so I just kept repeatedly saying it until like it was so spot-on that people thought that I was a voice actor and sometimes I troll them right and like sometimes they thought I was a soundboard like I played a drinking game quite often on Friday nights where I'd whack out like some vodka or something poor shots and it'd be like every time I get accused of being a soundboard um I have to take a shot and so I play the game and I'd be like I would just use whatever voices I could because I have so many that I can do and I would just like push down the button say something and they'd be like oh nice sound dude bro I bet you're a fat dude from America stop it turn off the sound board bro and I'll just be like oh no he's really like and then say it too often I'll be like oh but it's interesting you say that about the um what you say that about them thinking you've sounded like Tracer because uh I remember the first time I saw you online I can't remember which video it was it might have even been the sidemen Tinder one potentially but I remember like I couldn't quite place where I thought you were from like I thought you had a slightly American accent yeah um weirdly it's a fun fact about Tourette Syndrome um a lot of us have like really bad infectious accent like we we pick up um sounds really easily and accents really easily and I know this not because it's well documented but because I'm in a lot of communities for people with Tourette syndrome and like community discords and things and I was like I pick up accents really fast and I often tick in other accents as well like I'll tick and I'll sound really American or really Irish or something out of the blue um and they're like oh yeah I have that too and then there was a stream of like 50 people going that is exactly me and I was like is this a Tourette's thing because we're all saying this um so a lot of us mimic sounds anyway as a tick like it's quite often there's something called echolalia which is the form of tick where you say back to someone what they just said to you and it gets you in a lot of trouble because people think you're just being childish right you know if you like like could you move the chair like can you move the chin like so people get really annoyed with it it's quite a tough tick to have socially but it means that from a very young age you're replicating everything you hear um I have uh yeah this sounds so much like the alert and I have a so sometimes they sound more American because I'm surrounded by Americans I'm on Twitch most of twitch is operated by Americans most of the big streamers are American most of the people I'm socializing with because of that is American people so it seeps in and then I'll spend like two days in London and sound British again right it's it's really frustrating and it's funny you say that about the the whistle thing because we did a video before where we discussed with you about the fact that I think am I right in thinking that you've used whistling to to cover ticks at one point oh yeah I mean I live near a school so if I walk home at the wrong time I'll be offering to fist children great okay so when you know that certain tics are very very threatening you learn strategies emergency strategies but a lot of people Tourette Syndrome don't tick when they're making music like that's one of the things that quite universally helps a lot of people Tourette Syndrome so because um you're forced to do this thing in order to not take you off often end up getting very good at something I know a streamer with Tourette's who's a drummer and he's a fantastic drummer because when he drums he doesn't ticks it's a break from his condition um and for me whistling is a way to like I can't just carry a flute or like a banjo with me everywhere I go it's just like cope with difficult situations so whistling is just something I can passively do um after your mum after that after after um when I'm in a when I'm in a situation where um I can't escape and I don't want to um come across as weird like in an escalator or like there are situations where I know like once I went into a bathroom and there were a bunch of black girls stood at the mirror and I kept ticking the N word over and over again oh my God am I gonna come out and have an altercation because I don't know if I'm gonna have enough time to explain and you know these sorts of situations are really tough so whistling is a good way to be the weirdo whistling instead of the the Widow offering to fist your grandma yes that's understandable and and the byproduct you told us before is that you're amazing at Whistling yeah well I I'd like to think I've Gotten Good at it we did this before in a video and it got so many comments where we asked you to give us just a blast of something you're really good at we're saying can I ask you to do it again sure let me think of a song Oh everyone always asked me to do this one on stream um [Music] amazing [Applause] what's up is that Kill Bill is it that yeah yeah where she's walking down the corridor the Twisted Nerve song yeah yeah it's incredible so um you'd started playing OverWatch with your ex-boyfriend had you been into gaming before that or was that the first time you sort of experienced it it was my first time online gaming I loved the last of us and um console games and whenever I was younger I loved console games because it was a way to pass time without having to socialize you know you can swear it can be at games yeah I just think you're angry like at the game so it was it was an easy way to enjoy myself without too much threat and I could focus as well so a lot of the time I wouldn't even tick so it I loved games growing up I used to play the Super Nintendo and the the PS1 and then my mom's she we were really strapped for money when I was growing up but she once she like did that thing where you can pay in increments over she got me like a PS2 and that was a great sense of escapism for me especially when I was very isolated so yeah I loved gaming but I'd never really played with other people so are we good at it I'd like to think so but I guess that's subjective sure but I mean as somebody that hadn't spent a lot of time socializing with people I I got OverWatch and a group of me and this years ago when it came out a group of me and me and a group of workmates all played it and I was rubbish at it and so online just got a ton of abuse so I guess you sort of if you're someone that isn't used to talking in groups and you go into playing on the online community you must have to be quite good otherwise people are just gonna slam you for being too rubbish to play with them honestly I don't remember because I got accused of being a soundboard too often sure okay so I was pretty drunk a lot of my own because you were playing that drinking game yeah so I have no idea whether we're good um but I know that I got into Competitive Gaming since so I do like first person she is I've been in a lot of Apex tournaments and one prize money from those and like actually done all right so I'd like to think that I'm okay at it yeah well you're being very humble if you're winning prize money I mean you must be really good at it so then uh you moved on to Twitch and again would you mind just explaining for anyone who's unfamiliar what is Twitch so twitch is an online live streaming platform it's kind of like watching television but it's all happening in the moment so people have channels and they're dedicated to their own content so anyone can start a twitch Channel you can just hop on make your account and turn on your camera and stream to the masses and it's not likely that you'll get more than one viewer at first and some people grind at it and they stream for hours every day to like one or two viewers for years and years hoping to make it big but I didn't know that people could make it big I didn't do any research I didn't look up any streamers I literally found out about it because I was playing OverWatch a guy came over into my game and I just got chatting with him he didn't like tomatoes and uh I was like how could you not like tomatoes and we were just talking and his viewers thought I was either a soundboard a voice actor or a streamer they're like she's got to be one of these three things so they were Googling me and they couldn't find me because I wasn't any of those things um and basically he said I've got a confession I'm streaming I was like that's all right I don't even know what that is um and he gave me a link I saw his chat and I was like well if I'm passively doing what it takes to be one of these three things why don't I give it go so I made an account and yeah I just used it to hang out with my friends because I got chatty and most of the gamers in OverWatch were dudes so if they hear a woman's voice and then they figure out it's not soundboard at some point they will drop your friend request so I ended up with more than 200 friends um and when I whenever I went online that was like 50 60 70 messages hey hey hey hey and I only have like six Lots so I was like I'm not gonna spend two hours getting back to everyone I'm just gonna stream it and I'll be like eh I'm streaming now and then people could see if I had like a full team or whatever and that worked really great for me um so immediately as soon as I started I had like 20 average viewers which is 20 at any given time and over 100 like viewers that in total that had come to the stream so I was like this is doing really well usually people have to work really hard for this um so I kept on doing that then people paid a lot of attention to my condition because all of these friends had no idea I had Tourette's they're not hearing the ticks and suddenly on the live stream I have no there's no push to talk on the live stream yeah so so they're hearing all the extras and they're like what is happening and I start having to explain Tourette syndrome and at this point actually it was just after I finally got my diagnosis ah okay at what age was this sorry about 27. so okay so quite late yeah because um what happened was I got some tests in my early 20s then had to leave town and um because of everything that happened with my ex and then um they were supposed to message me and tell me the results but they never did and I never chased it up because my life was just thrown into turmoil so um I got in contact with them and was like hey I we were investigating whether I had Tourette Syndrome could we look into that again because I never got any answers and I I really I can't get a job it's really getting in the way of my life I need help and they were like oh we diagnosed you like nearly 10 years ago I was like what I was like yeah I looked through your records you have Tourette Syndrome we've known for quite a while oh my God if you'd have told me back then hopeful this would yeah this would have been life-changing so you were diagnosed at 17 but you only found out at 27 as well I said like nearly 10 years ago it's like sometime in my early 20s like it was either 20 21 23 somewhere around there um and so I finally had it and I I got my medical records printed out and I was like there it is and it was so liberating because I was like no I'm out of therapy could have stopped me from all those slaps and Willy warps because I used to whop people and just all sorts of terrible things and I was like I felt so guilty I was like why am I such a terrible person but when I found out that it was Tourette's and for sure I was like this isn't something that I could help it wasn't something I could choose not to do um and I just felt this release and I got to be able to defuse situations because people were like oh my God what are you doing I'm like I have Tourette's really sorry and immediately people are nice like I was in the quiet train because there were no other seats um and one and this lady came over to me and went excuse me is that your phone and um I was like no I I have it's a tick I'm doing it and I I can't stop is it bothering you I'm really sorry and she went I am so I'm so sorry and she went from like Karen mode to like and the whole train went silent was just watching and smirking um and do people know what Tourette says do you think in general the most is it is it in public self-consciousness now is a condition nowadays I'd like to think so yeah um I'd say Millions upon Millions more people now know than ever um and I think that wasn't the case when I was young at all I mean even I had vaguely heard of Tourette Syndrome as a child and decided I didn't have it because like yes I have these random things I say but like my idea of Tourette Syndrome didn't fit what I was experiencing everyone has a stereotype of Tourette Syndrome they all think it's swear word sudden and non-complex just you shout [ __ ] every now and again but like I would sit there and I'd have these long complex ticks or I'd have motions that I'd do over and over again and things like that and I was like nah it's like Tourette's but it's not um and so I think it's much more well known and much more well understood by the public now uh which is fantastic because it's infinitely safer to leave my house I've been kicked off buses and in places I've traveled to places even now where people don't understand Tourette's very much like America and like lost thousands in plane tickets because of the chaos it's caused um oh wow even somewhere like America or an airline or something like that they don't they don't have an awareness of what it might be wow well so you've been kicked off the planes or you just haven't been allowed to board or well they don't kick you off mid-flight but they do um yeah they will deny you entry if you're being abusive or causing a scene um I do ask for special assistance and there is a whole process for that that but the special assistance is reserved for people with disabilities that are very visible so they'll we'll walk up to and go ah you're this person here for special assistance right and I'll go yep and they'll go I've got this wheelchair for you let's go and I'm like I don't need a wheelchair and they're like well I don't know anything about that good luck and I'm like oh [ __ ] because now I've got to go through all these cues without spanking anyone or eating someone's baby like I I just I don't know what to do say like in these situations it can be really really challenging um and it's it causes chaos every I've got a terrible travel story for every time I take a house have you ever eaten a baby not yet plenty of time okay all right well so now um we've got the um we've got the sort of twitch started up and you're you're doing that and that's going quite well and it's growing at what point did that become a thing that you thought oh this is actually a thing this isn't a hobby when I would have to pay to go to work so I was making not that much money but it was enough for me to be very comfortable and happy because like I'd grown up really poor so like I was making like 1800 a month which was more than I needed and I was like if I go to work today I'll make three four times less than if I just stay home order in some junk food and play computer games for three hours wow yeah and I was like when their right mind would go to work today so I closed my shop for a week thinking I've gone viral because of my Tourette's people will get bored of me shouting [ __ ] eventually and then I'll have to go back to work but for now free holiday paid holiday let's go um and then nobody left and I'm still here four years later [Music] um so and now people pay me even more to play computer games because it's not just that people could because on Twitch people can donate so people can subscribe for like five pounds a month um to support you and keep you streaming there are tears to Subs so you can have tier two tier three which is more money they're giving you then there's bits which is basically currency like in twitch that equates to money they pay you a real money but based on how many bits people give you and then there's actual PayPal donations direct PayPal donations and there's infrastructure set up so that you know people are chatting live you know you can see chats scrolling by but people also pay for their message to be read out to you and the audience and things like this so you're engaging with people and you know you're getting paid and you can see at the end of the month how much a month you're going to get paid because of all of these subscriptions and then on top of that you can get sponsorships if you are successful enough the companies who run these games start to notice you and go will you play my game too um because we really like it to be popular and um so you end up being offered like someone's just like have a few grand play my game for a few hours and you're like I would have paid to play this game sure is it that simple let's just play it for a few hours you don't need to say you like it or do you know you do have to say you like it is it just as simple as play this game and we'll give you some money it depends depends say you don't like it I'm like I have Tourette's you're basically that sentence is just guaranteed that I will say I don't like it I once had a contract like that I think and it really put the anxiety up me sure and I don't know which sponsorship it was but immediately as soon as I started playing the game I just went this game is [ __ ] that's okay and like all of the chat was like yep yep just agreeing I was like well goodbye they still paid me they still paid me I was surprised the check came in I was like really do it again okay um and so what at what point was it from when you first turned on your first ever uh twitch stream to closing that shop the process you just described how long was that uh so because I have anxiety and I'm not very secure in my connections because of my childhood and stuff I think I was probably fine to completely close up my office um within like two or three months wow I didn't I kept it there waiting for me to go back to work for like a good year oh wow renting the office just as a plan B yeah because I was like any minute now they'll be bored of me any any minute any minute now and they just never left so I just had that anxiety for so long that I kept it on standby for that long and there were so many repeat buyers because I was selling stuff you couldn't really find much anywhere and so there were lots of buyers who were like hello are you gonna come back um but yeah I I have that still as Plan B Because it's what I did for a living was really fun basically I would go out to the beach every morning at Sunrise pick up sea glass hang out with all the wildlife give the crows some peanuts and stuff make all my animal friends happy come back wash it all so I will watch Netflix while I get them all packaged up and everything so Beach Walk Netflix message a few people take some stuff to the post office and then just saw any like crafts applies into little bags ready to be posted instantly and stuff that does sound really nice yeah just I would rock up in my pajamas every day swear at my PC not bother anyone it was great so yeah you know I'm I'm fine like the thing is like I've been doing Twitch in a very relaxed way kind of I mean it eats all my time it's what I do 24 7 because I it's I'm really passionate about it but like I'm not doing it for like a huge career otherwise it'll probably be slightly less opinionated um so I I get to not take it too seriously which has kept me going because when you've seen someone say get your tits out for the 6 000th time you can get a bit wearing but if you're not taking it too seriously and you know there are really no consequences if you [ __ ] up your career tomorrow it makes being a content creator much easier um and I like talking because talking helps with the ticks because I have really bad dyslexia and communication issues um parts of my brain are really underactive and um it's a struggle to speak so it takes a lot of focus well then that that's an interesting point because you talked earlier about when you did the gaming degree about the guys you're with you weren't very keen on and then what you just said there about the comments you get on twitch sometimes what's the Dark Side of becoming famous on the internet um how long have you got because uh it's not what people think it is at all in a good way or a bad way both okay both yeah the Dark Side of Fame I could tell you so many stories I mean between stalkers the sexual harassment the weird security messages that you have to take um how it alienates you from your friends and how people treat you differently in a way that makes it really difficult and Hollow to connect with people um so on an emotional level it changes everything on a social level it changes everything Financial um it changes everything uh I think being a woman has a lot to do with it as well oh yeah but it's as with many jobs there's like dude mode and hard mode so like I get I get hard mode as a woman on Twitch um there will be things that no man will ever face on Twitch um but women will get all the time and there's a stereotype that all you have to be is pretty on Twitch and people shower you with money and you'll always get instant success but I've seen that less than one percent of the less than one percent of streamers make more than a thousand pounds per year from Twitch streaming oh wow statistically virtually impossible to succeed as a streamer I had no idea that was a start that's crazy and then uh the top 300 there's like two or three women so like the most the top 300 most successful streamers are mostly men and there's just a different criteria for men than there is women so a disqualifying criteria for me is I'm not allowed to have sex because if I have a boyfriend or a partner um people will unsubscribe and stop watching and it's people think it's because when viewers watch a woman it's just because they fancier that women don't have any real content and that the only thing they have a value to The Gaming Community is just boobs but the thing with that is is that's not actually what's happening I genuinely think that what's happening is that because the Gaming Community is mostly male this isn't because men are better at computer games it's because when compute games were first marketed they were only marketed as a boy's toy so people were buying them for Christmas when they first came out for their boys so young girls didn't really have much incentive and much of an introduction to gaming 30 years ago and so it became a boys club just by virtue of marketing people just assumed girls wouldn't like them which was wrong but it meant that there's this huge community of boys who were socially inept doing High you know hiding from reality in games and so they didn't learn a lot of social skills because they would isolate it like me I had low social skills games were a refuge for me too it's not criticism but what it means is that when it becomes a social club and people are starting to play together you're mostly going to find men with low social skills who kind of resent women for not [ __ ] them and then you know you enter that space and they're all aggressive towards you constantly install and rejecting you they don't cooperate with you if you do call outs in the game like there's a shooter over there or whatever they're not going to listen to you so it's harder to learn how to cooperate it's harder to learn those team skills because there's a 50 to 90 chance no one's really gonna listen to you or help you as a woman so when you jump into that environment to test the waters that's a lot different to trying Mario 30 years ago to test the waters most girls are turned off these games now so there's a barrier to entry and only women with a certain character type will get in and even then it'll take perseverance and you know that that means there's this bottleneck where it's mostly dudes and they're mostly straight socially inept dudes when you're Twitch streaming to a Gaming Community which twitch is largely gaming um what happens is um these guys will listen to you for whatever content you're making but not many men growing up are taught how to differentiate between admiring a woman and wanting to possess her we don't really let men take on feminine interests so like men as young boys can't dress up as their favorite female characters because they'd be ridiculed they'd be accused of being gay they'd be you know insulted it was considered the meaning for man to behave feminine so boys aren't taught how to look up to women how to look across at women how to hang out with women the narratives they're told are you just earn them for doing cool [ __ ] like save the world and the girl um there aren't very many narratives where boys and girls are friends where it isn't just like a slow romance where she may make noises where she has a choice and stuff but really he'll earn her in the end because he's done all the good [ __ ] like that's the narrative boys grows up boys grow up with so a lot of these socially inept boys who weren't raised among girls learn that if they like something a girl it must mean they fancy them it's a really common mistake and I know I'm generalizing here and that a lot of you know most men in normal society are capable of relating to women but in this insular gaming Society full of redditors and 4chan and just all this stuff like this is a very common mentality um and you face it a lot on Twitch and this means that if you are gaming and producing perfectly good content people will become infatuated with you because they just they go I admire you that must mean I fancy you I can't imagine relating to a girl for any other reason um and so if you have a partner you're views will drop because not because they ever thought they had a chance with you not because they thought their subscription was going to buy them a [ __ ] it's literally because they're jealous it makes them uncomfortable they're suddenly comparing themselves to somebody else and so your content went from being fun to making them uncomfortable because they're like well I'm cool too and you'd have probably rejected me because you're a [ __ ] and he probably has a bigger dick than me and I don't like this anymore I feel feelings that run comfy and so people are just uncomfortable around women who aren't sexually available even if they never plan to have sex with them just because of every a relatability barrier that has been cultivated have you ever seen that Reddit sub uh nice guys yes that was my first sort of exposure to how prevalent that is where for anyone listening or watching that doesn't know this sub is basically just people posting well mostly women unfortunately posting interactions with uh guys on the internet where the sort of template for an interaction is hey how are you hey I'm fine how are you good do you want to get a drink sometime oh sorry I've got a boyfriend [ __ ] you [ __ ] yeah yeah not even put like the amount of those kind of posts and they say I that feels quite the first time I saw that I was kind of like oh my God because it's just thousands of posts a day of people saying the same thing that that's how the interactions go and to hear you explain it like that actually is is really good it's a very um it's a very clear way of explaining where that process has all come from and the kind of lack of social skills and as you describe uncomfy feelings and is that something you deal with like do you think with twitch there's also an odd thing about the fact that people are giving money do you think that they feel that gives them some kind of ownership or that you owe them something for the money I'm learning not at all unless I'm just full of very submissive viewers because right okay roast them and sass back and I will not act really grateful for money that comes with an insult um and people really enjoy that like you if you're honest to a fault people crave that on Twitch because do you get like big donations do you know do you ever get those kind of things where it's like a big donation with an immediate sort of follow-up about you or do you want to meet or do you want to hang out or I think I'm way too well known okay I have people give me a huge sums of money with no expectations here's the brand buy yourself a new pc you're lagging like this sort of stuff um that's happened since the beginning um some some viewers have felt entitled to meetups and things like this and I learned very early on I made a perilous mistake when I was like a 20 viewer Andy um where this guy was like hey I'm in like Devon do you want to meet and I was like not in my town I don't want anyone to know where my town is and he was like okay maybe in an adjacent town or something I was like fine I you know you give me so much of your time watching my show like why not and so I met up with him and he was really weird um I said I can only meet up with you for now I've got to care for my mom and he was like yeah that's fine as soon as it's set off he was like I hope you're gonna make it worth my while I hope you're not going to waste my time I have traveled a long way I hope you're not just gonna shoot straight after an hour I was like that's what we agreed on already getting weird and then I paid for the feet we sat ate a meal had a conversation and uh I paid for the food he's like I've never had a date by the food I was like this was never a date what you want about and he was like uh you'll see I was like no I really won't and then he I went to the train station a little early because I was already fed up with this and um he was like before you go can you come back to my car I want to give you a gift and I followed him to the car park at a distance he got to the car and he was like come closer it's all right and I was like uh so I stayed like out of Arm's Reach and he'd lost his keys and he was like wait right there I just need to get my keys I had such a terrible feeling about this so I went to the train station while he was gone he came back and was like you've got to come back I'm having a hypoglycemic attack I'm diabetic I'm dying and I was like why are you texting me instead of calling an ambulance and I was on the train and I was I was like I'm sorry good luck I'm already on the train and um he was absolutely fine and we ended up Banning him from my Discord Community because he was saying obsession is natural rape is natural it's the natural order of things you can't tell me a single Society where women dominated you just can't it's men's natural place all this sort of stuff so I left the VC and was like he's a bit of a creep and he said come back here you stupid little [ __ ] in like DMS just like get back in the VC now you coward and all this stuff it's like no burning this guy I'm really glad he didn't find his keys um and from there I learned that nobody's entitled to my time just because they watch and I'm glad I learned that really early yeah but I mean it's quite a terrifying story isn't it because just have you've described it there's a lot of ways where that could have gone much much worse and the thought that people with just 20 uh viewers or whatever 20 subscribers could be attracting this kind of personality who will then travel to meet them in person and have slightly odd motivations is worrying oh it gets worse I had a guy camping my back Garden he assaulted me and then um the police caught him on his way to my house with a knife he'd constantly threatened to kill me while I was live on stream he's like I know where you live and I'm coming over to kill you and all this sort of stuff and he wasn't dealt with for a long time and so yeah things can get very very serious very fast and do you think that's something do you think you've been for one of a better word unlucky or do you think that's when you talked with a female streamers is it experiences that they've had as well this is the industry standard for females on Twitch oh God so basically what I'd say is if you're a woman who's new to Twitch I'd say only join if you don't have any social media if you have any social media with your full name maybe don't bother if you are planning to stream delete all that before you start second um never tell anyone your real name never talk about your hometown disguise your room it has to be a blank wall any defining feature a window a beam a banister anything people will look through thousands upon thousands of housing listings to find that one house with that detail from when it was listed in like whenever whatever year it doesn't matter how far back it was and they will find your exact address and post it all over the Internet and encourage each other to attack you stalk you and this sort of thing and no distance will be too far I had someone fly from the Netherlands I've had someone fly from America I've had a few people fly from America to harass me so don't just think oh I live in a remote place this won't happen to me fly over because I think if they come over you and then we'll be able to be in a relationship or just because they want to upset you or harass you or hurt you mixture of both I mean most stalkers mentality I could write books and books on stalkers and psychology of it you get different kinds but the a very common one for women is specifically the I'm in love with you we're meant for each other you just don't know it yet you're my soul mate and if I could just get you to talk to me for five minutes you'll understand what do I have to do to get you to talk to me for five minutes oh if I insult you you'll buy me that means you read my message I'll make a new account what can I say this time she reacted again one day she'll react enough and she'll she'll see and so um they'll make a count after account after account doesn't matter how many times you block them they'll start like trying to look up your friends and family social media they'll pretend to have no idea who you are and they'll make friends with them and they'll you know just make casual conversation and try to learn little tidbits about you passively um maybe they'll start hanging out with your siblings or a relative and start going to their home in the hopes that one day you'll come over at the same time um they'll do things like this constantly anything anything to get five minutes with you because then you'll see and so it doesn't matter how extreme the behavior becomes if it gets a reaction out of you they're making progress and so they could be threatening to kill you but they think at one point it will mean that you'll love them and so it's not like traveling over to get you to marry them it's traveling over because I've just got to talk the tragedy of this conversation is you know where we started was somebody that had no way of interacting with society and wanted to know how and then found a way that they could interact with Society comfortably and then it turns out Society is horrible well um I think for me I had seen a lot more of the dark side of humanity and only the Dark Side of humanity growing up I mean I saw my mom have a terrible chronic illness that wasn't diagnosed for 20 years just because they just didn't believe her that's a really common thing um and then when she was finally diagnosed it was too late to operate on so her life is ruined um and so I saw the dark side of the medical community and how that's incredibly sexist but then I also saw um like the lady with the meat cleaver abusing animals um who turned me vegan for life um and then I saw these terrible men who simultaneously said I love you but we're trying to kill you or beat you um I also had the boys who wouldn't respect my boundaries until I beat some scents into them and the boys that beat me unconscious and I saw a lot of violence I saw a lot of horrible behavior and not a lot good so I feel like I got more of a glimpse of the good side of humanity now than ever because a lot of twitch's people who want to give someone their time want to listen to what other people have to say want to give want to support and that's the majority of twitch twitch wouldn't operate if it wasn't by majority of those people and so it's very easy to pay attention to the dark side because we're primates and if we ignore good things they run silently in background if we ignore bad things they could kill us and so evolutionarily speaking it's so easy to see a thousand comments saying you're beautiful I love you sweet Anita you're so funny and then see one comment that says you have a big nose and you'll remember that for the rest of the day so um I feel like now because I'm very well practiced in looking at the good and appreciating it I I feel fine with knowing about the bad and I'm actually really glad that the bad people come to my stream specifically because I run I run alongside a charity that provides mental health care and helps support financially people who can't afford it and things like this so I have a link my community you can make link use of and it's a really passive roast when someone comes and acts up and is like sexually harassing you and stuff and you're like if you're feeling lonely and a bit desperate for attention we do have ways to help you get therapy you know and people smirk because they're like this is wholesome but also kind of insulting um and I have like all of these talks with my viewers about how to handle these people how to handle negativity how to handle the negative in yourself and I think a lot of the people that are really prominent in my community because I have a Discord server aside with thousands and thousands of people I think it's like got 40 000 people in and they all support each other and they're a great social network but they a lot of them used to be really toxic a lot of them used to be [ __ ] and um I get a lot of DMS from people who were like I was a terrible person until I found your stream and I found all these people and I've learned some social skills and I'm here in this community my community meet up with each other they're marrying each other you know I'm hoping there'll be some little based babies happening soon you know it's really cute so I'm glad these toxic people find me because when they go and rant and Rave in other streams they're not going to get the infrastructure to actually have some real attention and that was what it was about like people don't come and be inflammatory for no reason it's because they don't know how to believe that the good side of them will ever be appreciated they don't think that if they're just themselves anyone will like them and you know socialize with them so they act up to get a reaction because it's less lonely when someone's reacting to you it doesn't matter why um so when trolls come into my stream I've got a viewer base that can identify what's happening and make friends with them calm them down a little bit and uh yeah like a few months later they're coming to twitchcon and drinking with them all and just amazing happy and um it's really uh impressive what you're saying there about trying to fix the trolls because ultimately the easy thing to do is to tell them to [ __ ] off or whatever and then like well I do that too thoroughly no but nothing ever changes but like it's interesting now because we've heard the the good side of it for you the the positive impact it's had on your life as well as some of the negatives what's next for you like what's the next five years are you kind of living each day each week each year as it comes or do you have plans okay so part I mentioned earlier my brain doesn't I struggle with certain Concepts I have no concept of time okay we see see you in an hour I don't that's like a map to a place and I don't know where that place is I just can't find it on the map like an hour could be 20 minutes it could be three days to me I just can't gauge it very well and this means that I'm not planning anything and since I stopped planning my life's gotten so much better because when I try to plan with that level of disability none of those plans go well I guess I I got I got sort of two more questions before we've done like the first one is um do you feel like Tourette's defines you or do you feel like it's part of you you know when you meet someone with for the first time do you feel that you should say by the way I have Tourette's or is that something that slipped into the background in more recent life because when I first started seeing your videos it was very much like The Tourettes were always in the title of the videos I'd seen where there was other people posting them or whatever whereas now that doesn't seem to be as big a thing it seems to be more just a gaming thing okay um firstly I'll say no I'm not my Tourette's at all my Tourette's has nothing to do with my identity it's just a condition I manage that's like saying someone is their eczema like I don't choose what I handle in life I am what I choose about myself so I didn't choose to have Tourette's that's not me how I handle my Tourette's as an aspect of my identity but like what I'm facing is just not me like you wouldn't say someone was their trauma you wouldn't say someone with the hair color the things we choose about ourselves are the things we are and so and when I first started making content I found it so important to put with Tourette's in every title of everything all the streams all the YouTube videos because not because I was like look at me guys I had threats it was more if I don't explain why I'm swearing I will get demonetized if I don't explain this as a condition people will rant and Rave at me in the comments if I'm engaging with someone on my stream and it looks like I'm sexually harassing them or swearing at them people will get mad at me and hate me they have to understand this is involuntary and if it's right there in the title if you don't want to hear swearing it's on you if you clicked on it anyway whereas like people would come in and they'd be like what if children see this you'll get like I was getting accused when I first arrived they're like you don't belong here this is live streaming like if you can't not swear and not breach the terms of service of twitch and not break the rules you shouldn't be here because the rules say you can't say the n-word you can't say like racial slurs and things like this which is fair and totally fine but I can't help it so just exclude people with disabilities if you enforce it when people don't mean it and they're just you know so I in that situation making people aware that I had Tourette Syndrome was essential to my presence it wasn't like a way to grab an audience it wasn't a aspect of my identity it was just a coping strategy for a hostile environment but as I've become more well known people already know that I have my condition I mean when I hung out with the sidemen on YouTube that video I was on was I had 38 million views so just by that one video alone there'll be like millions of people who now know that I am the Tourette's girl which means that if I just put my own name in the content or my own face in the thumbnail most people know what to expect now so I can chill a bit because people already know what to expect and that's what the transformation was um because for me I feel like a lot of people who regularly come to my streams ask me questions that have nothing to do with my condition you can tell a newcomer because they're asking the same questions over and over again about my condition but a lot of people stay for the other discussions luckily because you know that's what I'm passionate about and I'm much calmer and I tick less when I talk book so I just want to engage as myself not just constantly be exhausted and have people fixate on my condition because ticking is exhausting um so yeah that's the overview of why that changed and how I feel about my condition I think that you you've got an amazing skill of really being able to explain situations in a way that make it very accessible and easy to understand for people who haven't been in those situations for so even in this chat there's you know obviously there's a Tourette's singer being a female streamer how twitch works like the interactions with different people it's really fascinating to you to listen to you and I we could go on and on except I've got my director message me on the iPad saying wrap it up so um I just wanted to say you know best of luck with the future and thanks so much for coming back and um back off your video I said this before but your video was when we put it up on our Channel it was the fastest we've ever hit a million views so amazing fingers crossed for this one thanks Anita foreign [Music] so that was sweet and eater the twitch streamer I'm joined Now by Josh the director of the episode um pretty fun brilliant we were all cracking up in the back she's such a great car isn't she such a great talker yeah so just yeah really succinct yeah um and obviously that's layered with some horrific stories that she's gone through so much and she's come through it what did you think Brady I want her to be my friend yeah I want to hang out with her and go for a drink with her um and with such wit she told what has actually been a really difficult life story traumatic yeah but with such Poise and she also you know as a female listening to that she touched on a lot of topics that as a female you can relate to you don't want to relate to but is part and parcel when she's experienced that you know the really hard end of that being a twitch streamer and being at the Forefront of you know thousands and thousands of men watching her online dude Moda hard mode that's what she said wasn't it yeah I felt that online game was quite a good sort of summary of it because that really important thing at the start where she could press a button and not be heard or press a button to talk and so for the first time she said I wasn't defined by my Tourette's when she was meeting people and then the dark side of it in terms of the of the people who would compound a guard and follow her abuse it like it's just awful and then again she's like made a career out of it which she loves and she's in control of so um but yeah there's there's a lot more to talk about with her and and it's interesting because you start the bit that you start talking about is naturally Tourette's but by the end that just seems yeah yeah and the whistling is really nice oh yeah the whistling I was Mesmerizing the way today it was you lost your trailer a little bit of adjustment levels yeah she's got something in her that I want some some level of resilience and just she you know when she said she's got four therapists and they all said why are you not more [ __ ] up and then she went on to say because I've experienced you know I've slept on the street and I know I can do it so I could do it again you know when humans don't think they can dig any deeper they can and she really epitomizes that I think it's interesting to hear what she said as well because we talked to a few different YouTubers and stuff like that and they're all talking about the next thing as in that you know the the moving into a new area as well as YouTube and a lot of them are very uh clever entrepreneurs whereas her thing is so different it's just like the next five minutes is where my focus is um and it'll be interesting to see what she does next I guess I've had always ask this question you know you wear a spy inside your card in the months and the years before before 9 11. how could how could you not have seen it coming and I would say well we've seen it coming that's something big is going to happen but the details were so well guarded because the al-Qaeda was split into compartments the people who were trained for that in a mission were trained in a secret camp that was set up for them and then they themselves in at least 14 of them 14 out of the 19 did not know that it was a suicide mission they thought it was only a hijacking wow and that's it only five

Channel: LADbible TV

Views: 407,830

Keywords: the lad bible, lad bible, lad, bible, videos, viral videos, viral, documentaries, exclusives, interviews, journalism, culture, minutes, with, brown, background, unilad, interview, serious, tourette's, syndrome, twitch, anita, sweet, sweet anita, sidemen, sundays, tinder, girl, tic, tics, swearing, beating up, whistle, depression, mental health, tourettes syndrome, female streamer, overwatch 2, overwatch, tourettes streamer, female twitch, podcast, extraordinary lives, vodcast

Id: lsZq8Z9N4Xc

Length: 72min 47sec (4367 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 12 2022