Stewart Lee Complete Red Button Extras SLCV S1

you've pressed the red button now here's something of no value so Stuart this sure was about books how many books have you actually read when in length I've probably read about 24 feet of books I think because when I read a book I put it on a particular set of shelves and then as I grow older I like to be able to look and think I've read that length of books I'm not interested in reading long books like say Ulysses or or release they're thick yeah I think John read as many short books as possible because I can go oh I've read a thousand books was if I'd read a lot of long books it would be less books really it's about you want someone to walk in through the flap and go oh look if you read all those books you know yeah I have I mean ideally you'd have a really short fat but long book you put one sentence on a page and the book would be that long me think about that on on my shelf how much space that would take up and how much more impressive it would look it would make the bread so it was one sentence per page and then so you have 30 new pages thousand pages of your eternal you have two it could be this wide in the actual act of reading now you have had a go at Chris spoils now at and indeed Russell Brand what have they done to you and what's Russell Brand done to you specifically or to your granddaughter well Russell Brand's had the audacity to start stand-up much later than I did and to do much better and what I've been able to do is conceal my jealousy and resentment of that as a sort of amusing apparently reasonable attack on them on his literary career and celebrity status but actually behind that is a genuine resentment it's not just um it's not just a bit of fun it's a unconsumed with feelings of professional and sexual jealousy for him and you know when you watch the program you think I was just having a laugh but if you watch it again you can see in that bit I think a level of just genuine it's like a confusion mixed with a sort of lust as well for him at last for him and lust for him against you will because he's you know it's sort of and I think he arouses those feelings in a lot of people and I think people watching it we were late to that and certainly that was my intention for those three or four lines about him the world of books used to be a magical thing didn't it the world of books but in 1439 when yarn Gutenberg invented the printing press could he ever have foreseen the nightmare scenario where one day every single person in Britain would own their own copy of Russell Brand's my book II work you can read Russell Brand's autobiography and dismiss it as rubbish if you like or you can dismiss it as rubbish without reading it to save time if you prefer it's like a cover message to him you know when you're in the playground and you might run up and pinch the very girl you fancied as a child to kind of get their attention and sort of like it's sending out a message term going what you think of this you know an homage to see yeah what will come back the four years that I've spent trying to get this done is built around trying to send out that one message to Russell Brand like Cupid's dart is sent towards his face okay and are you planning over the next 10 15 20 years other projects whether the film television whatever in which you will follow up yeah I mean what do you think given your experience television how couldn't you think we would hear whether there'd be a second series of this commission well you should have heard by now so in other words I ought to be I can't I can't pin my hopes of communicating him with him on covered messages concealed in a possible second series of this show if you've not heard by now so I should be moving into other areas of the artistic stage or something or dance know you've spent a lot of time slagging people off who've written books but but you've written a book Kevin you got copy here here it is it's called it's called the perfect fool yeah which I noticed is doing less well than the book written by Chris Moyles oh of course it is yeah which makes Chris Moews a better writer um in terms of sales it does yeah if we analyze some of the writing in the same way that you've Alan Chris Moyles writing style literary style and indeed on bro the opening sentences go London long after midnight the street people agree there runs a train so my first question really is London hmm hardly original isn't it where you're from as a starting line well where are you from what's from the Midlands originally but um where'd you live now well I live in in Hackney and no just East London which is in that I didn't go on a terribly long mental journey admittedly law so what midnight and what I've learned from you doing this to me is it's easy to take it's easy to take any section of text maybe in a slightly sarcastic voice so runs a train trains don't have legs well one is you know if means can mean um you know running running can mean that the service was put on you know it means that the train runs yeah it doesn't have legs but running doesn't necessarily only apply apply to legs yes but if you want to make that clear you should have a footnote or something yeah yeah you're a celebrity endorsement front is observer yeah yeah yeah that was just someone that happened to notice the book and yeah imagine what it might have been like I mean if you could have someone endorse your book now who would it be um it would be Adrian Charles yeah are things probably the person that is most trusted by British people I think he's managed to strike a balance between he's not like a know-it-all is he it's like um you'd be the cleverest bloke in the pub a person that it's a lot more bit of it he's an ore bit of a bit of it yeah I think you I think that's what people I don't think people like experts they may have suspicious of them now and I think they want someone that looks like they might know it's interesting that he'd come along in the last year or so just as I get to do some television because I think he sort of he sort of redefined what it means to be a television personality and I think if there's all through the writing of the series and in the performing and in the kind of faces that I made as I said the words in the kind of tones are trying to put into the saying of the words I always was thinking of Adrienne Charles at the back of my mind I should I should try and be for comedy Whiterun Charles is for wherever it is that he is off yes so they're living in a Chelsea and Britain well I think it's post Charles expose each other and I think that um he's he's the start of that to bring a post Charley and world yeah prior to that what major figure had I had the most cultural impact um I don't for me I don't think there was anyone before agent Charles I think I think I was avoid and he's filled that void and now that we have him we wonder what we were doing before for the previous two thousand years of human civilization there was a feeling something wasn't right and it is right now you insulted Dan Brown for being inarticulate and yet we've got documentary evidence of you failing to mock him coherent Lee the worst published writer in the world today is actually also one of the world's most successful published writers Dan Brown Dan Brown is not a good writer The Da Vinci Code is not literature Dan Brown writes sentences like sorry I've had a complete blank they're very unprofessional but with these kind of programs people are always looking for something for the DVD extras sure that will make a great one do you really think of yourself as a wordsmith compared to Dan Brown well compared to Dan Brown yeah yeah but then that's a bit like being the tallest dwarf you know it's some is you're still a dwarf most of the things that are in there in the show are just jokes they have a hidden agenda as we've established I'm hoping for extremely sharp drop-off of sales of his books after the program's broadcast me he knows what you're up to he has I know he's already instigated legal action against some of the statements you've been making he's written to this program and he says I'll just read out his statement cuz we're legally obliged you read out his statement he says here the funny man is not a nice man he is a bad man he said badness about the famous writer he made the famous writer sad well there were three intentions for this program reach out to Russell Brand in a covet way to communicate an incoherent message secondly to somehow invoke some essence of Agent Jones I don't know what or how and thirdly to annihilate the Amazon chart position of Dan Brown now on the show you disrespected I should eat and saw solid crew and although at the time you think you may have got away with it unfortunately we got this voice message on our producers voice mail already scraping the surface le côté surface too early so the band is lips too early we saw that don't you got a TV show Pui alright you two go no I don't believe for a moment that that was a real member of a solid crew I think that you're trying to give the illusion of balance on the BBC by fabricating a false voice of dissent you know what there's only four things I wanted out of this program right one was we go one was to try and send out some kind of message I'm not sure what it was to to Russell Brand secondly to Adrian Shelton yeah yeah thirdly to try and reduce just but some extent the sales of Dan Brown's books and fourthly it was to try and bring the So Solid Crew back into prominence I know that there are ten years ago group that have split up and young kids have forgotten about them but for me they were really taking British hip hop in an interesting direction in the late 90s and I think it's a shame that dee has gone into acting and writing I think he could have been a significant figure Gil scott-heron or Chuck D or someone like that I think why try to do a joke about them what I would really hope is not the people would laugh at it or they'd be annoyed where they would go so solid crew they were taking British hip hop in an interesting direction what happened to them let's have a wit round see if we can't get them to come out again and drive around you've pressed the red button now here's something of no value Stuart the show was about television you seem to have a very very low opinion of television so why are we here um well I think that the series is um aimed if it's aimed at anyone it's aimed at people that think they don't really like television or comedy within problem then where we've shot ourselves in the foot is how do you get those people that think they don't work comedy or television to watch a comedy program on television and I think if there's a flaw if there's a gaping and obvious flaw in the whole conceit of this project it's that it's that it's it's aimed at people that are not interested in the medium on which it is being transmitted there are lots of accusations about fakery in television how do you respond to accusations that you were miming your stand-up routine oh well um miming is a very strong word to use at worst what was happening is that I was going out and moving my mouth to a pre-recorded track of me saying the words the accusation is that that wasn't a recording of your voice it was recording of Jon Culshaw your voice and well it was felt it was felt by people higher up the chain of command in the BBC that Jon Culshaw is a voice that people feel at ease with on some level and they're familiar with him from dead ringers the problem is where does that enema and as you know this my voice has been stripped off this some interview now and replace with a recording of John Kohler doing an impression of my voice I've often said that success in television is not about what you're prepared to hold on to it's about what you've read to give away what trade-offs what compromises either okay well bearing that in mind here how did you react to the news that because of reduce ratings for the series so far the shows from next week onwards I gonna have you physically but your voice replaced with Jon Culshaw doing George Bush well I think it might be funnier but will it make any sense will it will it make sense for my anecdotes about my life to be done by Jon Culshaw in the voice of a Texan man we don't know it's not ideal but it's give-and-take isn't it you know you make a concession towards the BBC and you hope that you get back a little bit of what it was you wanted now some of my favorite shots in this particular episode are oov and the all the faces the face type things in the audience up sort of laughing that sort of mouths going up and down opening and shutting and that sound of laughs yeah how was that achieved it's all puppetry it's all puppetry um but there were basically local schools were approached and we tried to involve the community in in Hackney and kids were given sponges and oranges and grapefruits and asked to kind of slip them to make mouths and draw faces on them and then they were to come and sit in the half-light and dimly lit we just tried to get the lights to know enough Neville where those great fruits the sponges and oranges could pass for human faces and the children operated them it was all different kids all different from all different cultural backgrounds yes all having fun together pretending to be an exclusively white audience the lighting level was a constant hassle because if it had been any higher they would have been revealed as just a sort of chorus of speaking fruit yeah but the important thing is that the community were involved in the previously has a lot of criticism is distant from ordinary people well it isn't it got a load of ordinary people it said to them can you hunched up in the dark and at the point that you're whipped and you make a bit of fruit look like it's laughing and if that isn't working with ordinary people then I'd like to know what is now we have to be truthful about everything on television including your mistakes and your outtakes so that everyone at home can get a sense of everything that was being recorded so there's no pulling all over anyone's eyes right sorry you happy - these - absolutely I mean I think often one of the funniest bits of any program is actually the bits that don't make the cut that's Friday and I sort of wonder why they get so annoyed with the men and you know it's stupid that's it's almost like dunno what they're doing I know you're against not that's less but funny the man's done taken out so the idiot if it was up to me yeah the whole program would be thrown in a bin ok and burn and replace with the bits that were cut out ok and I'm really glad they finally got an airing because to me they're the bits when they're the best bits not the bits that were worked on and written and carefully thought about just things where someone swore or said the wrong word ok well let's take a look I've had another blank there so I'm just going to look at if you near the front you can see I've got loads of cues written on my hand here I've got a lot to remember tonight but this show I've talked about Russell Brand and Dan Brown celebrity hardbacks and if you near the front now you can see I'm just doing hand there hand talk about what's on my hand that doesn't come to me a man has handed me a piece of paper here which has a lot of information on it although none of it was what I was hoping to see so we'll come back and do a pickup of that at the end of the show is a concession to the falsehood of television what's going well wasn't my my idea for these shows was only to recreate as accurately as possible the genuine atmosphere of doing the live gig but now that's with some relief that I realized that I haven't done that in a live gig this would be an appalling situation I feel I've lost the trust of the crowd owners come back even more trusting there was before peeking heading away that that's like a hackle but it's patronizing isn't it that's like something go on you you're alright come on go on Stu don't try and speak don't speak a coherent sentence go on you can do it don't you God can speak John speak this bit oh all right all right you badgered me into it but what happened to Ant and Dec needs to be great from there now they preside over I'm a celebrity get me out of here they harm insects they humiliate vulnerable celebrities they teach us to fear nature could it be flinging insects into the Barry Brown face of Robert cool think sink that could probably be dubbed in an edit I'd have to go in and sit in a room Sunday work silk over tedious beyond imagination I'll go back now and correct it once again this could be removed in the edit or it could be kept in as a postmodern commentary on television but of course it would would would go against the grain of the BBC's current commitment to honesty in broadcast clearly he clearly fabricated something that was obviously a mistake that's probably in breach of some sort of guideline although they keep changing it's a very difficult time to be making television if anyone is interested and it's Jonathan Ross his fault there is an outtake in one of those shows when you're made to be talking about Kilroy silk but you actually say Kilroy sink oh yes or no I was just wondering why you said that well I think that there was a lot to remember and I was hot and tired and under a lot of stress and I think I just got one of the letters in the word wrong I don't think it well I'm not so sure because a neighbor of yours was was found dead that week and he's called Roy sink if you're suggesting that a mistake that I made on live television is actually a clue to an unsolved crime then I think that you know you might want to think very carefully about what it is that you're saying because I have well I wasn't you know mr. sink and I had had some disagreements about the fence and also I objected to the fact that he had in contravention of the Conservation Area legislation put a huge metal advertisement for his building on the outside of my wall on because he is a leasehold of the building but to say that I would go so far as to surprise him in an alleyway and attack him and kill him and then try and conceal the body is insane and in order to go further and suggest them I would betray that by messing up his name with Robert kill with silk on television is frankly ludicrous Amy once I know and say anything nobody's saying and say anything and and just finally we noticed that you've also submitted to a producer of the series and tights of other television shows that you would like to maybe take up to the commissioning team of yep see ya and we just wondered if you could give us an insight into what some of these ideas were stutely just wants to dance I've noticed as a lot of these dancing programs have been very popular and I thought what was the some way that I could combine me Stewart Lee with the idea of dance and so I thought of the title Stewart just wants to dance give me the lifestyle of st. Augusta and Stewart Lee I'm very much I hope to make that I know that sir everyone at home people are always interested in the exact term details of the day-to-day lifestyle of them ancient religious figures and to see someone equipped to survive those restrictions forced to take them on I think would be enjoyable for anyone basically I see it as a kind of ecclesiastical version of I'm a celebrity get me out of here except the flinging of insects would be replaced with the reading of Psalms and and the tolling of bells Stewart Lee is pineapple balanced well we all love balance don't we and we all like pineapples and hopefully after this series a lot of people would like me I thought well what better way of combining all those three things and in a program called Stewart Lee's pineapple balanced Stewart leads in voluntary euthanasia a dance calculator yeah well that's really just a collision of random words but at this stage I had reached the point where I just thought I'll just write down anything and see what happens it's like throwing against a wall with Stewart Lee you you've pressed the red button now here's something of no value Stu I would really pleased that this week sure was about has political correctness gone mad because like you I think it has in fact is God so mad that you probably can't even say the phrase political correctness has gone mad these days you'd have to say something like political correctness has gone mentally challenged yeah he would hear yeah Kofi Annan would look at himself in a slimming mirror because he'd become very concerned about being over way and he was overweight coffee and an as a result of his habit of staying every day with a breakfast of a coffee and a now Kofi Annan every day a coffee and a non coffee and non what would you like for breakfast coffee anon yes please there were some serious issues raised by the programmers first of all coffee and and Kofi Annan and what other UN Secretary General's could you make that joke about none no ban ki-moon no I don't think so what was what thankee moon thank you it's not a food is it no it doesn't have to be a phone well it does fit for it to fit in to that to that bit I was thinking of a bank ronamoon Bank on the moon when he could have done that you're gonna gun if he gonna bite on that be a different episode I mean you know it wasn't like it was a flimsy idea a good coffee in and right then the more I did it I thought this is so pointless if it's done enough length it may become funny but um but it has now gone too far it has gone too far it seeks that the the United Nations have passed a resolution at the Security Council right and imposing sanctions on you on me yeah right what I'm not allowed to have food or weapons you can have food for weapons oh right right trade-off yeah okay yeah well no offense was meant by it again I mean there's no that it there's whatever the purpose of this series is it certainly wasn't to cause offence to coffee and then who I think is should have I mean I think he should have been made just like a fascist dictator of the world and then everything would have been in a lot better state it seems like a great blow the only problem is that rather like Bush had a shoe thrown him to discredit him I can imagine if he were the king of the world and people were furious with him he may have coffee spattered him a nonce thrown it yeah so it's just as well he is it's just as well he isn't yeah as as you said vicious dictator of the world yeah good now these days I mean you equate political correctness with health and safety legislation which I found very amusing but it's also quite apt isn't it because you can't stab someone these days without having to fill in a form first no wear a hard hat or wear a hard hat you know yeah just watch the show I thought I thought good on you you know you sort of nail nailed him you know that that Martin what what they tell you to do and well it's a it's a I mean that what's them one of the most probably programs on BBC two is Top Gear and I thought yeah there's somewhere we can get that audience chuckling along with in this first series but I imagine and it doesn't really go much further than what you've covered already in the first three shows no so does that mean that by the end of this first is you would have more or less said all that you want to say well the stuff that exists not only have I said everything though I want to say I've said everything that I can say and what I need to happen now is I need some personal crisis to happen to me so that I've got something to write about in the future but it's difficult to know how to move forwards I mean um what helped me before when I'd run out of ideas was being involved in Jerry Springer the Opera being a focus of a protest gave me lots of ideas to write about what that was like so basically something really bad needs to happen so for the sake of the second series yeah which which is prevalent really is preeminent would you go out and harm someone kidnap someone fall in love with Mary and then reject someone yeah bury someone in order to generate material that you could draw from well that's four things four things that's for sure I know anything also to mortgage they don't be alright yeah if I do the things you suggested on basically I've become an outsider in society of Y on the run from justice yes it would be more of a reality for you I know but it'll be hard to make a program under those circumstances as a sort of fugitive would be difficult to evade capture and yet also turn up filming and rehearsal on a regular would assume that you sort of commit the sequence of crimes badly and lead so many clues that we all know it's you whereas if you're clever hmm I put a lot of preparation and thought to maybe get other people involved in it and yeah I mean I know a guy who for like 7 grand - Jeremy yeah but but no one would actually know that so I would lease it together though watching the programme but on it but watching the programme so the program will have got out silence that's fine that's fine right I mean I don't know if I've got that level of commitment okay just just a thought and just thought me it's up to you Stuart really it's been either you're in this for the long term or you're not you know either you've got you've got to show commitment so this is a sort of professional ongoing yeah it's I don't know something I'd have to think about okay well all I'm saying is the BBC needs to know yeah by this time next week whether you will kill someone for a second series right okay okay ah just just to way up this and who was it I'm told of sort of in the balance and this one thing will just you know it will give it that and I think the word they used was edge edge it would give give it a like edgy stuff tonight yeah yeah yeah yeah one thing is like I'm approaching that age like like like Tony Tony Blair or Frank Skinner where you start to think about your legacy yes what is my legacy yes and is my legacy that this series we don't know if the Susan's been well received or not I don't know or would my legacy be as the man who killed and committed crimes to get a second series Roger I look back on this and think I regret carrying out those crimes in order to secure a second series or would I think I was really on to something then and it's difficult to know you know I was in a in a minicab few months ago the cab driver turn round to me apropos of nothing and he said that in his opinion the most oppressed minority in the world today when what were I'll say that again because I've fumbled it and that's one of the beauties of recording things rather than broadcasting life in many ways that's the purpose of what we're trying to achieve tonight a seamless television program which you are just lab rats although of course under the BBC's new charter scrupulous honesty what I'm about to do is illegal political correctness gone mad I was in a black cab which I was feel is more likely to carry a driver of reactionary opinions than a mini cab so it was worth doing a retake if only for that character development of the man previously a minicab driver people thinking about some of them were alright but now I'd say it was a black cab driver you already primed to dislike him you've pressed the red button now here's something of no value Stuart this week's show was about finance really and all the financial trouble there is in a world as executive producer of the show I had to seek you down at the end of that recording that we just watched and explained to you that because of the economic climate and as constraints within the BBC's own budget that you would be receiving a fee for that show well um I'm happy with that and because I think that some one of the great things about this country is that there's Public Broadcasting and I think it's a privilege and a pleasure to work for the BBC and I would rather pay to work for the BBC than be paid to work for an independent broadcast I see it as my duty to find other work to subsidize my ongoing possibility of BBC work okay so do you have a second job at the moment well I've been working driving a little tractor around sort of on Hackney Marshes um getting stuff out of the way for the Olympics to be built either other people that one would think of as has been quite comfortably well-off who in fact you see doing well there's a common misconception with the public that everyone that you see on television is of doing really well actually a lot of the time you have to do other work to subsidize it Alvin Stardust it was in Hollyoaks for a long time gap he's um doing similar but he builds little walls and things for where the Olympic stadiums will be he's not qualified to finish the old structures off but he can do some of the basic foundation work he's there and Patrick Moore as well just cut some of the grass in the area well there's a lot there's a lot of work needed for that some project and a lot of its cash in hand and when we're there we sleep in the toilet block again overnight so that we can be maximize the hours for the next day now if I were to tell you that I pocketed your fee to enhance my fees executive producer on this show how do you feel that well I'd feel happy again because I think it's just such a privilege to be working for the BBC alongside talents like David Attenborough and Adrian Charles to be in that company and you sell and me is fine and I would oh you know I don't expect anything from it but when I just wondered if you could rank my talent longside David Attenborough there was a third in that Trinity of people really understood is there any way that we could change that or we could be persuaded to well David Attenborough's position is unassailable Adrian Charles I don't think he's got a sell-by date I don't know I think it's where it is yeah David after unassailable yeah he's an unassailable position of II is the BBC sums it all up yeah this is no way what you want is that your honestly think there's no way that I can have more like I couldn't have more talent than David Attenborough not without expanding your portfolio to include insect work okay well if hmm okay well if I'm happy to do that but it's I I just cannot imagine a world and which is impossible to conceive with me being less popular than David Attenborough I just find that unfathomable well you know what can I say it was alright but what we'll do is we'll take your comments earlier and we're just readit it I'll find it sound like yeah I was I was better than them but how possible is it for a man to rent out his email passive viewers will be interested to know that there is real footage of a colonoscopy and because of the current climate the BBC didn't want to pay out to hire any in or buy any in it's actually footage that was donated by a friend of one of the product people working on the crew he was going for colonoscopy and just asked if he could have them the tape so that is so exciting hang on so it's not actually the actors knowing the answers it's not my investigation it's not miles jobs internal organs that were seeing there it's those of a friend that's something we have to actually make clear we have to make it clear but I also thought people be interesting the fact that it wasn't just bought in willy-nilly that was actually donated by someone connected with the production yes but you know what's got happen I mean all hell is going to break loose unless that program is preceded with a warning from the BBC saying viewers may like to know that the scenes set in a colon in the following program are not of the actor miles job yeah but I mean it's a bit like when Stephen Fry was supposed to be driving around America in his taxi yeah it's put this thing up at the beginning saying this isn't his actual taxi is when we got an America that is the same because the cost of shipping I would have been prohibitive you could make an announcement about the it being the colon interior shots of the colon of someone other than the actor you could do that but I think that I don't think that anyone at home is realistically expecting us to have rigged up the whole like little camera thing so that we could see the inside of them of miles chips organs if every sketch where you see an internal investigation of someone has to actually be actual footage of the internal organs of the actor then we're going to be it's going to be pretty much impossible to make any television yeah that is your current climate I mean for example autopsies now have to be your actual autopsies of the actors playing the part of the person being it's a very sure or cited policy I don't you know I mean I think people understand what acting is and acting is you know acting and making a programer about you know you should use certain slights of hand so what it wasn't internal footage of moles moles jobs internal organs car crashes another one in a drama if it's a car crash here then those actors genuinely have to it's not gonna it's not gonna work out like cable they basically cut the cable no brakes you know there's a lot of excess there's a glass of them in many ways but which is why it's fine to lose to content you can't treat people like that you ship another two if you want to do a retake if the public is saying that every time there's you know an act of violence on television an actual act has to be killed yeah what progress have we made since the Roman Colosseum when people were murdered and killed in the pursuit of entertainment someone's got to draw a line in the sand and say obviously there's a certain amount of sleight of hand or freedom with the truth and if the point in which that starts is the internal colonoscopy footage in this program then great I'm glad to have put that on the agenda now um because of the current climate we've got to try and make as much money we've got to basically recoup the cost of the program hmm we're still under we're still in the red so we have to come up with as many money-making schemes as possible the first thing we want to do is just do I just wondered if you could sing a Stewart Lee ringtone that we could then sell right online have you got any catchphrases well there are any catchphrases in it I mean that's another oversight there's no repetition there's no catchphrases it's political course guys gone mad and week three then it gets set a lot but you know it's not a phrase that I came up with I mean a comprehensive was it so I study of England here we choose a comprehensive study if it's coming that'd be ideal did that it's a funny voice right now it's just not something that can be stripped stripped for its assets oh I know but you could yeah what the phrase our comprehensive study was causing a funny one a comprehensive study of his cause is in that would be a good ringtone not very good no it's fine and that will net us up to four or five hundred pounds now easily yeah easily within the first within a month right okay and just a final final question I have ten pounds mm-hm what would you do for it for ten pounds yeah well I'd be prepared to source some of the footage of my own condo scopic investigations and sell out on to the BBC you you've pressed the red button now here's something of no value sauce to religion religion it's a hot potato but what filling would you put on that potato baked beans and cheese without your favorite filling it's not my favorite thing but I think it'd be the most appropriate to the religious hot potato as far as I know there's no well I was a bad see there's no religions that have restrictions on those two products but cause cheese is dairy project there may be some aspects of Judaism it couldn't eat that so I guess just beans just beans basically just something that you know I'm not going to sit here and when you say to me what filling should to be in the hot potato of religion I don't a say like tuna because lots people Connie that or pork lots people Connie that because then I wouldn't have to then deal with a flood of complaints where people say you said religion was a hot potato and then for the filling he said that there should be something in it which is prohibited by various religious groups but as far as I know there isn't a religion that has issues with beans but how about hatred add a dash of lies you're asking me to talk in terms of the filling as a kind of metaphor for something as a concept and both of the things you've said hatred and lies suggests that you're looking at legend in a pejorative way and that's not the intention of this program so I wouldn't I wouldn't fill the potato with hatred and lies I wouldn't feel it with tuna fish or pork or any kind of dairy product or anything it's beans beans beans beans how would you respond to the criticism then that you're being a why would people you're thinking of John gone on you specifically who I know when he weekends runs a baked potato stand in South End and he deliberately tries to fill those potatoes with as many with with fillings that will annoy people from different faith groups and he does that to prove some obtuse political point and and his sales of potatoes are negatively impacted on as a result of that if you're asking me to run a non-profit making baked potato stand just to prove some kind of point about freedom of speech what a what a petty minded waste of time now you and Richard Dawkins are both well known for being a theists but is that because atheism sells very well it is I mean it's interesting come initially when I first did jokes about religion 20 years ago it was something that I cared about now I don't in fact you know I've moved my position towards agnosticism at worst but it's become a really workable market at the end of the day we have to think of ourselves as brands how we're going to consolidate those brands and the way you do it is by taking whatever position would appear to be the most commercially successful and I mean I know that Dawkins himself was had a number of supernatural experiences involving ghosts and enchanted animals but he they're not things that he chooses to talk about because he's very much closely aligned with them with that position we've seen and we've seen this throughout some entertainment history that people will you know hang on to a position long after they've outlived intellectually because the market is there to work Ronnie Barker for example was not an overweight man by the end of his life but he continued to work in a fat suit in order to be able to play the kind of characters he was closely associated with it was too late to change in neither market he was working and neither is Ronnie Corbett shot Ronnie Corbett isn't sure Robert Ronnie Corbett and just had a late growth spurt and his now is six foot four but if he was to turn up like that all the work that he gets playing two orbs at Christmas or parties and things my old management they had a Christmas party where where um where Ronnie Corbett was there as dressed as a dwarf giving out truffles and things at Christmas dwarf he was 6 foot 2 he had a late growth spurt it was ridiculous because it was Ronnie called we kind of bought into the idea that he was small it's almost like the played a trick on you you know in fact a lot of the work they did of the distribution of mince pies and things while stress as a Christmas dwarf he was required to stand at the very end of a long room with a kind of tapered floor that gave me a false perspective so they would look look smaller but as you approached him his true height became immediately apparent but that's a good example of someone and in entertainment becoming known for a particular position and sticking to it to work their market in the face of the facts do you think there's there is a there is another there is a somewhere else and ether I think there's definitely somewhere at I haven't finished so anyway is that I think you might think there might be something of there is a somewhere else another plane actually I have finished yeah well I think there might be somewhere else yeah definitely I think that's something that concerns you no no no no I'm quite the oh if you've got um if you've got a cardboard box on a table and it's shut what's inside it well possibly or but somewhere else is inside it and right it would be a fool that said there isn't somewhere else because there might be well there might not be as well and I think if people take suite yeah if people take one thing away from this program from this week's program I'd like them to entertain the possibility that there may or may not be somewhere else that's what it's driving towards there may or may not be somewhere else yeah yeah and you're not prepared to be any clearer now think that it's not the reason I think it's something people have to think about for themselves you know and I think that's the purpose of art is to ask questions and not necessarily art on so is it is the red button as it were a metaphor for another dimensions yes I mean why don't understand is where where is this so people are watching the red button now but yeah where where's this content I don't know is it on the telly right or is it is it flying around like in Ray's in in the atmosphere and the red button somehow clicks onto it where is it coming from where is it stored like it's absolutely beyond me I mean I'm I'm quite frightened to be red button content because I don't think you should ever appear as content in a format that you don't even understand it seems like it's asking for trouble right you know you wouldn't submit to an operation that you had not been explained to you also if someone presses the red button then I'm on holiday in another country do I do I then get like sucked in to the television and I want to do this track surely you're obliged while the red button is up there you're obliged wherever you are to respond to whatever so the demands of a member of the public yes for more content yes but I never I mean I'm not a content provider well you are I'm not what it says on my passport content provider you've signed a piece of paper that said yes I agree to the red button yeah yes what that means the BBC now has everything and everything yes unlimited content when I decided to sort of absent myself from from society 20 years ago to become a writer and a performer that's what I wanted to do I didn't know I'm a content provider what are you gonna be content provider you know Shakespeare wasn't a content provider was he news is news content or is it news news is observation about content and then commentary on content and what point does content become fact at what point does content become art or is it all just content content must never become fact when the programs not on anymore no uncompressed a red button to access the extra content where does the content go I don't know all I know that is they are constructing an enormous red button at the bottom of the sea and that's where it's all going to be placed you know when you go to like a remote Scottish island yes and in the middle of it there's a kind of circle of wheeling girls you don't think what are they what exactly exactly what's underneath what's under exactly exam 10 yeah now one of the nice things about doing the show was I was able to choose a who wanted his warmups you have when you're doing TV recording you have like a warm up person's gone in between at the beginning when transmission breaks down and it's good tap people would lots of jokes normally to keep it moving but um the acts I like tend not to be like that ah I've sort of broke with the logic of warm up warm up man tradition by choosing as much warm up one of my favorite acts he doesn't even speak English as a first language he's um a German comedian called Henning then Henning came to Britain to work as a marketing manager for Wycombe Wanderers Football Club and pretty soon he realized that his future lay elsewhere he went into a comedy club and decided that even speaking in his second language you could do better than some of the acts he's seen and he's bought a stereotypical forensic German intelligence to bear on his observations of British life you're going to see some clips of him now cold from his little warm-up sessions here I urge you to go and see him in full effect here's some bits of Henning ven hello yeah let me briefly introduce myself my name is Henning and I am the German comedy ambassador it's not the easiest of jobs and a British always say we Germans don't have a sense of humor I don't find that funny but anyway off we go are you wanting to go modes let's have all yeah oh yeah I'm not in a good mood an utter nightmare yesterday I was visiting my maid horse in hospital he swallowed a sponge no it doesn't hurt but she's always sir steep then you get there is it it doesn't hurt but she's always sir the UH funny funny funny get here's one golden rule in German humor always start with your best joke that is what I just did yeah I mean I must admit I've never ever done stand-up back home never ever reason being I'm not good enough to cut it in Germany survives over here in Britain bloody easy if you want to have success as a stand-up here in brain all you have to do loads of swearing so in Germany we don't smear at all reason being things work you know it's true oh dear oh dear next better shake yes so far we had 1 minute and 31 cents of jolliness and Counting yeah getting always say timing is the secret of comedy don't they I'm not sure if everybody understands how important timing is for comedies I'm probably I can I can prove that by performing a sketch now there'll be two people one at the time person one is there any football on the Box tonight yes austria-hungary against whom yeah that one is my favorite joke yeah because that joke is all about timing no because if that if that incident place between 1867 and 1918 then we're not dealing with a joke at all it's just someone inquiring about a footballing opposition of the Dual Monarchy on the night you know we can rule that out you remember the first bit where it goes is there any football on the Boxter box is slang for television which was only invented in the 1930s well after the end of the austrian-hungarian Dual Monarchy hence it's a joke you you've pressed the red button now here's something of no value sure who told you you were funny I think that it's just something that um you know you know a lot of people they don't tell you you're fine um um no not to my face I mean I see things written on no one told you you know not to my face I see things written normal I mean it's it was a question the community's often ask you know when did you lose your thing a lot of comedians say that they they started trying to be funny to escape bullying but um I actually was the bully and I found that if I could add verbal abuse to the physical abuse I'd dealt out to pee yeah it would have be much more effective and crushing to them so you were like the Joker yeah in Batman yeah anyways yeah yeah like the Joker in Batman or one of those you know or any of the other run super villains that are based on on on comedy concepts the Riddler as well nother my plan all along has been to establish myself first of all as a comedian to get the funny part right and then to somehow move that into into super-powered crime a later day and if I if I could if I could raise a city to the ground or or destroy a bank or or kidnap loads of orphans but if I could do that at the same time as it being funny that to me would be the kind of I think whether people like the Joker went wrong is because the Joker was a criminal before he was tried to be funny yeah but the thing is though that you're not you're not funny no I mean it's become evident to me watching the program I mean as I as I watch the rushes I can see why people would not think I'm funny and why they would would be bored and I'm glad in a way that I've managed to do this series after 20 years of trying to be a comedian because I've realized that it's not some cut out for and that but I think I can just about get away with it enough that when I move into crime the sort of residue of comedy that I can take with me will give me a little bit of an edge as a career criminal okay so are you hoping that because we're now near the end of the series now are you hoping that the more underperforms because it has underperformed mmm in a way that I could have imagined you know I was expecting Prizm I was woody well you're expecting it to pick up and then fade away but actually the figures just tight of like a shelf I came in with high expectations and then they weren't met you you are to use the technical you are an anticipate meet I'm disappointed in you yeah yeah are you know planning that the decline of your reputation that has that the series has marked anger will force you into water into into become an outlaw or some sort of well we figure a masked figure of about hiya yeah and I don't know exactly what form those crimes will take but certainly the degree of violence involved in them will be informed by the level of rejection I felt from the broadcasting industry in the British public and I cost you I will never costume yeah kind of costume well it will be it'll be exactly this but it will be much tighter and not in a flattering way either the every single unsightly bulge or the very worst aspects of my body will be emphasized by it and in the places like my left leg where I have permanent scarring from cellulitis that will be exposed so I'll look like a kind of squashed diseased figure bringing a bitterness and resentment and feeling of rejection to my victims and people will see me and eat and I'll just have the center of my face Krakow in the with a tiny little strip along there and they were just about the L to recognize me we're not well enough they might think that I'm Terry Christian or Mark Lamar or Roland gift from the Fine Young Cannibals yes or Edwyn Collins a tell Ray Liotta or an overweight version of any of those and and while they're confused about Who I am that will buy me the time to strike with um with absolutely deadly accuracy at them and well I harm them I will also be delivering a withering verbal put-down of the kind that I have lashed audiences with and late night comedy club gigs for the last two decades and on your chest would you have SL for shortly or SD f or squashed diseased figure I'd have none of those things I'd have a picture of a tomato with half of it like rotted away and then its face kind of caving in now is there not a danger if that was the case and you were spotted leaving the scene of a crime or ever and that they saw this that you'd be known as semi rotten tomato boy so be it you know so beer I mean that the the nay the naming aspect is not of interest to me the main thing is that that the underperformance of the show has left me with a feeling of bitterness towards the world and I'm reckless as to what I do despite it okay if you work this crime causing masked figure and would you commit crimes on other comedians if you've been taken to Frank Skinner's house if they got in my way around they got in my way I mean as far as someone like Frank Skinner he's very interested in his legacy and I think what he would try and do was if there was a former comedian he was now a criminal he would probably try and become a superhero comedian to stop them so I think that um there's every chance that we could see him injecting himself with some kind of serum or subjecting himself to the bite of a radioactive creature in nobody would take on his powers by warning to me if he's watching is that you should choose carefully what courage days there's um there's no telling how the powers may manifest themselves yes because if he took on the powers of a lady bird for example I mean that's not going to be that scary is it particularly not the traditional English lady bird at the moment which has been decimated by the the America French and the American radio that's coming like squirrels would you join forces with any other super-criminal comedians really um be looking for someone who feels embittered you know I don't know who that would be Roy Walker maybe have you and Roy it's not was not been discussed yet but I did see him I saw him getting out of a cab in Edinburgh last summer near the gorge hotel I was sewing about the way that he looked at me like that which suggested that he had the idea of a degenerate supervillain comedian team up on his mind but hadn't thought how best to articulate that and it's certainly something I'll be following up have you ever had your penis caught in a zip um I don't think so but some as it possible that if you'd had you to have more successes again well you know I mean you need stuff to happen to you and this is one of the points trying to make in the show I haven't had my penis caught in a zip you know I haven't seen girls with big breasts I haven't had a homosexual encounter or any of those things and that by the time I got to filming the end of this series I've written until I talked about everything that's ever happened to me and I need some experiences and I think I mean maybe the comedy something I can come back to after the crimes you know if I'm winded or harmed in some way ideally in in the buttocks or the genitals which of course are the prime areas for humor of the human body now you had a real go at the Americans in that show I mean some of it was like really near the knuckle with all the American stuff but we've sold the rights of this show to America yeah who would you like to play Stuart Lee in the American version of Stuart Lee's comedy vehicle USA Janeane Garofalo uh yeah Larry Santos and yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm looking like you or you might her and as a woman as a woman yeah I think that could um give it a spin it needs but we can't get her all right we've got Jodie Foster that'd be fine look yeah yeah I mean she's very versatile but she I've never seen her do comedy but then neither was in you do comedy either yeah where'd you get your ideas from is it a ditch no it's from get old them the goodies books that they used to put out goodies Book of Records is the Quebecers goodie book of disaster movies yes and they get the ideas from there and just changed their nouns a bit yeah yeah and that somehow hasn't worked no nonetheless no I mean I don't know at whose feet to lay the blame the feet of Audie garden and Taylor they're six feet yeah there was a lot of stuff we had to cut from the shows which was you riding around on a tricycle on your alone yeah I know well um I missed the point that three people on a three seater bike funny one man it just creates a feeling of loneliness no one wants to see that mm-hmm do I talk about the applicant well the problem with the Apple sketch is that right at the point where it was supposed to stop when Gayle brand came in and played the trombone they just started messing around and running around the studio and everyone like was trying to stop them I know I just have control and it looks idiotic and a call went up up the chain of command Yeah right up to the direct Director General's office saying we've got we've got a sketch it's gone out of control and nothing can stop it but I mean the now I understand that very strong measures have been put in place to stop their ever happening again also it's just such a waste of apples one of the things that was great about doing the series was I was able to sort of choose people that I wanted to have on for warmups the acts that go on when there's breakdowns in transmission or try and get the audience going and I was able to use one of my favorite acts which is Steven Carlin he's a Scottish guy I toured with him for about four months in 2005 I think he's really brilliant he has the kind of dry sophisticated elegant and beautifully written material that has no place on television so it's going to be a real treat for you to see something this good I think is unique amongst comics really and that he's are able to talk about a sport without seeming like an ignorant lout he knows his way around politics and popular culture and he is also something of an engineering expert on a long road trip between gigs in Edinburgh and Aberdeen Steve was able to take me along a road which is known amongst engineers for having the worst adverse camber in Britain it's that kind of intelligence and attention to detail that he's also brought to bear on his work ladies and gentlemen some highlights from the warm-up offcuts of Steven Carlin thank you very much good evening everyone so live in this this is a beautiful room as their CEO Sarah is a big improvement on my first ever gig going to see my first performance I don't if you know I was probably of an hour babe was five years old that she my father gig is such it was the school nativity play and I played the part of Joseph in masculinity Joseph Stalin so enforced there was a bit of a method act on those days that's right so one of two my classmates did die needlessly maybe let's not dwell on the claims of Joseph Stalin this evening probably the deaths of 20 million people not on a property start for us to at least comedy vehicle you know keep it nice and late and I'll be saw thought just and said I'd just kick off by starting to talk about honeykins in America because probably lately have been looking forward to new honican season in America not specifically for the destruction that will be unleashed I think primarily just to see which names it Americans are going to give the honeykins this year because look simply like Britain Americans who do love to name halogens and I think you know things like hurricane Hannah honey can a I think fear plate them Max and that's good customer service nice personal touch because we don't bother name and weather systems in Britain at all do we know I'm grant me 10 you see things like oh we're remembering that time but I think the worst thing about American culture must surely be America's over-reliance on superheroes said of all conventional emergency services I've done this for quite a few years actually because you may recall the bungs healed few example fire a few years ago where the fuel example hemel hempstead went went on fire is a largest fire and post-second World War II Europe exploiting Cuba and in France what are we doing Britain where you got the fire gear to put that out using formal yeah very good no there is someone situational card you may recall in the documentary Superman 3 when an oil refinery caught fire and what did the Americans do what is their approach well they thought somehow it would be a good idea firstly you get Superman to fly to a lake nodes are getting to freeze out late with it breath by blowing on it then to pick up is one to face right with no regard to any of the wildlife living in that lake whatsoever to pick up the ice flight the refiner with it drop it on the fire no I must have been on their boat seven years old I reckon when I seen that movie and even I knew at that age that you don't put water on an oil fire what was the correct approach what should Superman correctly I've done well Superman should have got himself a giant Tito the same an oil refinery so I reckon something in the dimensions are about three males by three males I do the trade dip that in a week lift it bring it so it's a dump but not dripping wet so follow the gate lanes then then to carefully place that all the oil refinery thus say smothering the flames but I suppose the concept of a giant eater was just ruled out by the producers has been too ridiculous to fire fencing - unbelievable impressive a man film I think that's the moment when now Superman a parted company to be honest via got it felt like Superman anymore but later mine because I'll tell you why it's reactive he's not proactive Superman window very well in today's business world let me tell you we'd flown diaries say six months appraisal get slapped down but it you know it's all approaches you wait until something goes drastically wrong and people's lives are in threat and then he thinks I'd be a good point to spring into action to do something about not at all interesting are all key preventive side of the emergency business I mean basically my ideal Superman film at their film in which there is no one in danger and which there is no one in peril and which there are no rescues just turn our fears of Superman turning like a succession of factories and then Hannah get health and safety advice my favorite drink of choice is whiskey that scotch whiskey a national drink you know like the way in each feel a bit dizzy after a few you start banging into bits of furniture yeah I live the way they meet you a bit indiscreet start making one up to an appropriate remarks I like the way that 3:00 in the morning you can be standing at a bar with a complete stranger discussing Oh tomorrow you will set up a company together I'll let me tell you a sweet idea Marks and Spencers sceptic okay I didn't used to believe in Marks and Spencers a shop I didn't think I offered anything for me but I find out recently the Marks and Spencers sell whiskey in cans okay Marks and Spencers for all places sell whiskey in metal cans basically like a red bill can with whiskey in it and then mixed with ginger ale ideal for that busy alcoholic on the road or if you're late drinking whiskey but feel that drinking out a glass just as too much inherent dignity

Channel: AshCash147

Views: 255,621

Rating: 4.7041512 out of 5

Keywords: Stewart Lee (Author), Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle (TV Program), Red Button, Extra, Armando Iannucci (Broadcast Producer), Complete, Interview, Moon on a stick

Id: EvTAHVCRtzM

Length: 71min 39sec (4299 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 09 2014